Chapter 7: Killian's Tale

"You want me to talk about my past?"

"Yes, if that doesn't bother you, of course. When this morning you talked about kids, I realized I didn't know you as well as I thought."

"It doesn't bother me. It's just there is nothing interesting about my past, you don't want to be bored with that."

"I won't be bored. We're stuck here for the night, we have time to talk, and I want to know more about you. Please?"

They were still snuggling up on the couch, sheltered from the cold rain that was pounding outside. The fire was quietly crackling in the hearth, it was now quite warm in the room, the coat was barely useful.

"Fair enough. What do you want me to talk about exactly?"

"Talk to me about the woman whose name is written on your wrist, Milah."

The man frowned. "Milah? Do you really want me to talk about her?"

"Yes, from what I've heard, she's a major part of your past. How did you meet her?"

"Alright. This was in spring, many years ago," he started, staring at the fireplace, as if he was travelling back in time, reliving the past. Emma, wrapped in his arms, was not taking her eyes off him. "After weeks spent on the Jolly Roger sailing the ocean and searching for some treasures, we were finally back on the land, in a place I had never been before. My crew and I went out in the evening, to a bar in the village nearby. We were already quite drunk when I saw her; a beautiful tall black-haired woman with bright blue eyes. She had entered the bar alone, and she came to sit with us, right in front of me. At that time, I was easily distracted by women, but with her, it was different, this woman I had just met seemed more important than all the ladies I had ever seen. When I woke up the next morning, I didn't know if she had been real or if I had to blame it on the rum, so I went back to this bar in the evening, and she was there. She directly came to talk to me, saying that she couldn't stay long because she had to go back to her husband, but that she came because she wanted to see me again. Surely she had noticed how dashing I was. I still am by the way. Anyway, we spent some time talking, she talked about her husband and her son, I talked about my pirate life. I grew attached to her really fast, I didn't realize why, then. I came back once again the next evening. This was the day when I saw Rumplestitskin and Baelfire for the first time; they came to the bar and she left with them. I was supposed to leave the next day, but I didn't want to go without a goodbye, so I decided to stay a bit longer. Good thing about being the captain, you do whatever you want. I stayed three more days, I went to the bar every night, but she didn't come, until the last evening. She then begged me to take her with me on my ship. She wanted to come with me to escape her life. Did I care at that time about the poor kid left alone with this coward? Not at all; the next day she boarded with me on the Jolly Roger. Rumplestitskin tried to stop us, but he was then so weak, he couldn't do anything. We just laughed at him and left. We spent months sailing the seas, travelling from land to land, until that day when we met Rumplestitskin again. He had changed; he introduced himself as the Dark One. On that day, he took my hand, but not only; he ripped off her heart and crushed it right in front of me. She died in my arms. On that day, my life became filled by only one thing: thirst for revenge. My only goal was to skin this crocodile. On my way, I met Cora. We both wanted the same thing: going to Storybrooke. This thirst for revenge only faded away a few time ago, I finally managed to get over her death, but you know that part, you know what happened next, that's the part when you came into my life."

"You really loved her." He looked away from the fire. Emma had been staring at him the whole time.

"Indeed." He brushed aside a strand of her hair, placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head so he could look her in the eyes. "But don't be mistaken, love. She belongs to my past. My present and hopefully my future are all about you."

Emma briefly looked away and took a deep breath. His future to be about her, she wasn't prepared to hear that; once again she was speechless. She noticed his amused smile. Surely he was delighted to see the effect he had on her. He softly ran his fingers down her forearm and placed his hand in hers. They both silently stared at their intertwined fingers. Emma thought about when she had first met him, a pirate she didn't trust. If anyone had told her at that time she would end up wrapped in his arms, her hand in his, she would have thought of them as insane. But here she was, wondering how she could have not noticed the man's soft side.

"How did you become a pirate? How was your childhood?"

"Oh that was a very long time ago, not a really joyful time." His gaze locked on their hands, he told his story. "I didn't live on a ship as you may imagine, my family had nothing to do with piracy. We were living in a small town by the ocean, in a world without magic, the world where you grew up. My father had an important job; he was a man of law. My mother, as most women at that time, was staying at home, taking care of the house and of my brother and I. My mother and I were really close, whereas my brother, Liam, was closer to my father. I really loved her very much, she was everything to me. Life was quite peaceful, until that day when she had been diagnosed with an incurable disease. She died when I was seven. All I have left from her is this."

Emma could feel the emotion filling his voice. Gently, he took his hand back from hers and rummaged through an inner pocket.

"This belonged to her," he said, taking out of his pocket a small pouch. Inside was a golden bracelet, inlaid with small rubies, barely damaged by time.

"It's beautiful." Emma's voice was just a whisper, she nearly choked and couldn't add anything else.

"I found it when she died. I'm not the sentimental type, I usually don't keep things for their emotional value, but this is the exception; I've kept it safe with me all those years. When I was a kid I used to get it out from time to time and I just stared at it, thinking of her. I missed her a lot. She was so kind and beautiful, with her long and wavy black hair, and her dazzling blue eyes. She's the reason why I have stunning eyes; I've often been told I have hers." He tilted his head towards Emma and smirked, raising his eyebrows. "I don't know if you remember when I talked about Milah, I've said I grew attached to her without knowing why. It's only later that I've realized why; the first time I saw her in that bar, she had reminded me of my mother. But I'm digressing there; you asked me how I became a pirate."

Killian put the bracelet back in his pocket and grabbed Emma's hand. She didn't say anything, eager to know more about him. Staring again at their intertwined fingers, he carried on his tale.

"After my mother passed away, life became much less joyful. With my brother, we had different ways to grieve for her; I withdrew into myself, while he took his mind off it hanging out with his friends. My father didn't seem devastated by my mother's death. I was going to school with Liam. He was three years older than me, quite the popular boy, he had many friends, I didn't have any. I had good marks, but Liam was better, at the top of the class. Popular and smart, he was like the perfect child, and it was obvious how my father preferred him. He kept repeating, "Your brother will become a great man, he will succeed in life, but you… what am I going to do with you?" Teenage years have been the worst, Liam was always with his group of friends, some of them had turned into bullies, and I was still withdrawn, always alone, shy and rejected by everyone, belittled by my father, laughed by my own brother. During my spare time, I escaped my reality, and went on the shore, watching the ships come and go, wishing I could board on one of them, and dreaming of adventure. Years passed. When I was fifteen, my dream of adventure seemed to become reality; one night after work, my father told us we were leaving the next morning, that we would board a ship and travel the realms. He said it was because he didn't need to work for a few weeks. The next day, we boarded the ship. I spent four amazing days there, the best days I had spent in years. It was a dream come true, and I felt like the ocean was the place where I had to be. I wanted to sail forever. Liam also seemed to enjoy the trip, and after years spent apart, we started talking again. But as always, nothing turned out as I had expected; on the fifth morning, I awoke and my father was gone. He had abandoned us. Later, we learnt that he had caused the death of six men; he had turned into a fugitive, we had boarded on that ship so he could escape like a coward, instead of facing his mistakes. His acts had made Liam and I orphans, we were alone. But on one hand, no pun intended, it didn't bring only bad things; Liam changed. He had to, he was the oldest, we were alone, and somehow he felt responsible. Our relation got much better. After what our father had done to us, he didn't want to follow his path, he didn't want to study laws as it was planned. A year later, we were sailors. Gradually, we got promoted, and as for everything, he was better and moved up faster than me. But I wasn't annoyed by that, our relationship was at the best. He was my captain, I was his lieutenant. We were on a mission for the king; we had to find a plant said to be a cure for all the soldiers at war. This is how we arrived in Neverland. I came back, my brother didn't; the plant the king wanted was the dreamshade. It was not to use it as a cure for the allies but to poison the enemies. I thought it was a mission of honour, but it wasn't, and it had cost me my brother. We had been fooled by the king and I had no one left. This is when I became a pirate." Killian sighed and looked at Emma. "I had told you this wasn't a joyful time."

"I'm sorry." She couldn't find anything else to say.

"Don't be, love." Her hand still in his, he smoothly grazed her finger with his thumb. "You just asked about dark times of my existence, but let me tell you that if I was asked about you and I, the story would be much more colourful, stuffed with hope, love and happiness." He paused, slightly tilting his head. "You are the best part of my life."

Emma looked him in the eye and opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. The man chuckled. "Now you can talk about you."

"Not now, it's quite late. But another day, I will."

Killian smiled, thinking of the possibility of another night spent just with her. "You know, I had never opened up like this before, I had never talked about my past with anyone but you. I am actually quite glad you asked, you're now the one who knows me the best."

"Oh, surely I should feel flattered to be the one." Slowly, Emma leant towards him and softly kissed his cheek. Her head on his shoulder, she felt his embrace tightening.

"You will always be my one," he whispered. A smile appeared on Emma's lips as she wondered how long he would find inspiration to flatter her like this. She listened to the crackling of the flames, to the rain still pounding outside. The storm had passed.

"You should get some sleep now, you're supposed to rest. And, if I may, sitting is not the best position for sleeping. I'm sure the couch is wide enough so we can both lie down," he glanced at her, judging her reaction, and smirked before finishing his sentence, "if we huddle up a bit."

"Killian…" Amused, Emma raised her head to fix her gaze on him. "You're ready for anything, aren't you? But I have to admit you're right, sitting is not really comfortable."

"You admit I'm right? So easily? Without even trying to answer back?" He teased.

"Enough," she laughed. "Lie down, I want to sleep."

"At your command, Captain Swan! No, wait, I take this side of the couch, I don't want you to fall on the floor."

"Thank you, that's really kind of you."

They laughed and got settled. Finally, Killian was lying on his back, Emma on his side, still wrapped in his arms, her head on his chest. He made sure she was well-covered by the coat.

"Good night, love."