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Chapter 6 Attitude
I stand outside the diner for a while deciding if I could actually go in a face all the people and Josh. In the end I pluck up the courage and slowly walk in, as I walk in I look around the diner before spotting Josh who was sat in the corner,head down fiddling with his fingers. I walk over and sit down and silently wait for Josh to start to talking to break the awkward silence
"Hey, I didn't think you were going to show" Josh says awkwardly
"Urg yeah sorry, I was kinda stood outside. I didn't know if I could face everyone in here yet" I admitted
"We can go somewhere else if it's easier?" Josh suggests
"No it's fine, I have to leave the house at some point"
"How are things at home?" Josh added
"Pretty tense" I admitt
"I tried texting and calling but I just guessed you needed some space"
"Yeah look I'm sorry about that" I apologise
"You don't need to apologise,I understand" Josh reassures
"How are you coping?" I ask
"To be honest I don't know how I'm suppose to feel, I mean I feel sad but I'm also angry that I have not long found out about us being related and then my only chance of getting to know my brother was ripped away from me" Josh blurted "Sorry for dropping that all on you, you don't need me babbling on about my feelings, you just need to worry about yourself"
"Josh it's fine, I'm glad you felt that you could talk to me about it. In a way it's quite comforting to know that you trust me" I say forcing a smile
We sit for a while talking like normal teenagers should and for a while I had forgotten the events of this last week until Roo walks over and crashes me back down to reality.
"Sorry to interrupt I just wanted to say that I won't be able to come tomorrow because I'm working but I will be thinking of you all" Roo says sympathetically
I still couldn't believe that tomorrow was Casey's funeral, it would be the last time for me to say goodbye and that's what I was finding so difficult. I kept expecting him to walk around the corner with that big old cheesy grin on his face but I knew that was only a fantasy. I knew that I wasn't ready for my last goodbye but right now I couldn't deal with that I just need to get myself through today.
"Thanks roo, we appreciate it" Josh nods
"He was far to young to be taken" Roo says shaking her head
"Hey guys are you alrite?" Maddy says walking over to the table where we were sat
"Yep" Josh says forcing a smile
"Do you mind if I sit with you guys?" Maddy asks looking towards me
"Yeah it's fine I'm just leaving anyway" I say getting up from my seating and rushing out of the diner.
I walk as quickly as I can home,eyes fixated on the floor not wanting to look up incase I saw anyone else who might ask questions. When I get home I was still in my own world and end up bumping into Phoebe who was walking out the door.
"Are you alrite paige?" Phoebe asks
"Yeah I'm fine just got some stuff to do" I lie
"You look pretty shaken are you sure your okay?"
"Yeah honestly Phoebe I'm fine" I say trying to get away
"Are you sure because I can stay here with you if you like?" Phoebe insists
"How many times do I have to say it to you! I'm fine so just go and leave me alone" I snap
A few moments later Phoebe gets into her car and leaves, I didn't mean to snap at her but she just doesn't know when to leave it sometimes. I pace around the kitchen for a while replaying the day over in my head, was it always going to be this hard I thought to myself, I just need something to take the edge off for a while. I walk over to the kitchen cabinet and pull out a bottle of gin, I pour myself a few glasses chucking them down my throat as quickly as I could before placing the bottle back into the cabinet before anyone could notice. I sit back down and place my head down onto the table and before I know it I fall asleep.
"Oi Paige wake up" Kyle says nudging me
"Eugh what do you want Kyle" I say lifting my heavy head off the table
"I just came to check you were okay, Phoebe said you weren't yourself earlier"
"You don't need to check on me, I can look after myself" I groan
"What's with the attitude paige?"
"I don't have an attuide" I argue
"Wait have you been drinking" Kyle adds
"No" I lie
"I can smell it on your breathe from here" Kyle nags
"I might of just had a couple of glasses, okay" I admitted
"Brax is going to kill you"
"Please don't tell Brax, he doesn't need to know, he's got enough going on as it is" I say guiltily
"Don't tell Brax what" Brax says standing in the the doorway
"Great" I sigh
"Well I'm waiting for an answer?"
Kyle and I both stay silent.
"One of you better tell me what's going on" Brax says shortly
"Paige has been drinking again" Kyle spills
"Thanks a lot" I mime to Kyle
"Where did you get the alcohol from?" Brax asks
"In the kitchen cabinet" I sigh
Brax walks over to the cabinet and gets all the alcohol out and empties all of there contents down the sink.
"Why are you doing this? It's just a drink for god sake" I moan
"Because your going to end up killing yourself" Brax fretted
"It would be better for all of us if I did" I say looking down at the floor
"Paige don't say that, I can't lose you as well" Brax says water filling up in his eyes
"We know how much your missing Casey, we all do but drinking isn't going to help that" Kyle says sympathetically
"What would you know, you weren't even related, you didn't even know him that long" I shout
Kyle looks down at me briefly before walking out of the house. I knew I shouldn't of said what I said and instantly felt guilty and begin to cry.
"Oh paige" Brax says wrapping his arms tightly around me
"I keep messing everything up Brax" I sob
"He knows you didn't mean it and your just angry" Brax assures
"Everything's so scary, I can't even go out the house without worrying someone's going to ask me about Casey and the fact that his funeral is tomorrow and it's going to be my last chance to say goodbye scares me so much" I admitt
"We will get through this together one day at a time, I promise" Brax says holding me tighter whilst placing his hands through my hair.