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Chapter 9 - Disappointment
After another sleepless night I could feel it was beginning to take a toll on my body, well it was pretty obvious to everyone especially after yesterday. I hadn't realised how much everything had got on top of me and began to weigh me down. I walk out into the kitchen where Brax and Heath where sat talking when they spot me emerge from my room.
"Hey squirt, how did you sleep?" Heath asks
"Not great" I admitt
"How come?"
"I just couldn't sleep" I say weakly
"Something on your mind?" Heath questions
"Yeah I guess you could say that" I muttered
"Do you wanna go for a walk?" Brax adds
"Yeah sure" I say
Brax gets out of his seat and we both head out the door towards the beach,down at the beach the sun was shining and it was calm and quiet a sight you didn't see walk along the beach for a while before Brax stops.
"Let's sit, there's something I want to talk to you about" Brax says suddenly
"Have I done something wrong?" I ask
"No it's nothing like that I just wanted to talk to you about something" Brax admitted
"Okay" I say worriedly
I sit down onto the sand and Brax sits down next to me, he sits for a while twiddling with his fingers before finally beginning.
"I've been thinking, it might be best if you go and stay with Heath and Bianca for a bit" Brax sighs
"What, why?" I ask confused
"With everything that has gone on these past few weeks I thought that it would do you good do get away from here and relax for a bit especially after what happened at the restaurant yesterday" Brax admits
"Brax it was nothing I was just a bit stressed out about the funeral that's all, I'm fine I promise" I plead
"You had a panic attack Paige, you need to get away from here to clear your head" Brax stated
"I've already told you Brax,I'm fine" I assure
"Stop lying to me, I know your not fine. I know that you have been having panic attacks for a while and I know you haven't been sleeping" Brax snaps
"Okay it's happened a few times but that's it" I lie
"What triggers them?" Brax questions
"What do you mean?" I say shortly
"I mean what is it that makes you panic?" Brax asks
"Brax I don't want to talk to you about this, if you want to send me off because you can't handle me then fine whatever" I shout and begin to walk away
"Paige stop" Brax says grabbing my arm and making me sit back down next to him
"I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you as much as I should of these last weeks, I've found it hard to cope with all of this and I know we don't talk about our feelings but please just let me help you, tell me what's making you feel like this?"
"I don't know" I say holding my hands over my face
"Paige please" Brax pleads
"You really want to know?" I ask unsurely
"Of course I do" Brax says grabbing holding of my hand
"I keep having flashbacks of the night that Casey died...I I just can't get it out of my head no matter how hard I try" I stutter
"I can't even sleep because every time I close my eyes all I see is Casey on the floor lying In a pile of blood,I wish I could forget everything that happened It was bad enough being there without having to live through it again everyday, I can't do it anymore Brax, I just can't" I cry
"Why didn't you tell me Paige" Brax says sympathetically and pulls me into his side and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"I didn't want you to think I couldn't handle it, that I was weak. I wanted to be the strong one and look after everyone" I say burying myself into his side
"You never have to be strong around me or any of us, I'm your brother. I will always love you and have your back no matter what. Don't you forget that" Brax says wiping the remainder of the tears from my face
"I just feel like everything is getting on top of me, like I'm in a deep hole that I can't get out of and no matter how hard I try to get out of it I just can't" I admit
"After you get back from the city I think we should look into getting you a councillor, someone who knows what they are talking about " Brax announced
"But" I interject
"Its not up for discussion you will be going and thats it" Brax addressed
We both sit for a while looking out into the sea, it was nice to sit and talk to Brax, something I hadn't done since everything happened. We have always had a close brother and sister relationship I've always been able to talk to him so openly. I have always seen Brax as a father figure and have always looked up to him,something I couldn't say about my real father.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask Brax
"Of course"
"Now that I've been honest about everything, will you be honest to me?"
"About what?"
"That note yesterday,what did it say?"
"Paige I don't think"
"I said what did it say" I say impatiently
Brax reaches into his pockets and passes me the note, I slowly open it not knowing if I actually wanted to see what was written inside.
"Might want to get a double plot next to baby braxton for your sister, she's next" I read aloud
"So this is why you want to send me off?" I ask
"I'm not sending you off I just want to keep you safe"Brax says grabbing the letter back and placing it back into his pocket
"Your really worried about a piece of paper with a threat on it?" I say confused knowing that this was not like Brax
"I'm not risking losing you paige, this family has lost to much already"
"You know he's just trying to get to you, to scare you" I admit
"Your probably right but like I said there is no way I am risking it" Brax says adamantly
"I don't want to leave you all" I sigh
"It won't be for long just until I've sorted it" Brax promises
"By sorting it you mean going after him?" I ask
"I can't keep living my life looking over my shoulder all the time, I need to sort this once and for all" Brax admitted
"But what if something happens to you?" I say concerned
"I won't let anything happened" Brax says surely
"Brax if you kill him you will end up back in prison, None of us deserve to go though that again" I stated
"If I don't kill him, he will kill one of us, he won't stop till he gets what he wants Paige"
"He wouldn't be stupid enough to do anything especially with all the police sniffing around" I say trying to reason with him
"Paige you don't understand" Brax says shortly
"No your right I don't understand why you would jeopardise everything you have, you have to much to lose Brax" I argued
"And I thought you cared about family" I say getting up and begin heading for home, this time Brax didn't dare try to call me back or follow me he knew when I was angry the best thing to do is to leave me.
As I reach I home I see Heath getting his bags into the back of his car, I storm over to him.
"I take it you knew" I shout
"He's just trying to do what's best for you Paige"
"I don't want to go anywhere, I want to stay here" I say adamantly
"So you don't want to spend time with your favourite brother?" Heath joked
"Heath this isn't funny, do you really want Brax to get killed or go back to prison" I sigh
"Of course I don't, but when has that boof head ever listened to anything anybody ever said to him" Heath explained
"I just don't want anything to happened to anyone, we have lost to much already" I frown
"Brax has a mind of his own, once he has his mind to something there is no stopping him" Heath addressed
"And that's what worries me" I sigh
"Anyway we have got to head back soon so go and pack a bag to last you a couple of days" Heath advised
"Promise me it will only be for a few days?" I say giving him my best puppy eyes
"Paige I promise" Heath laughs
I walk inside and start to chuck a few things into my bag, I pick up the photo of me and Casey and also put that in my bag before going to the bathroom and collecting my towel and makeup to also put in. I carry on packing my bag when Ricky walks in.
"I hear your leaving for a few days then" Ricky says sitting down on the edge of the bed
"I think everyone heard before me" I moan
"I know you don't want to leave but least you can spend a bit of time away from all of this drama" Ricky assures
"But I will be even more stressed because I won't know if Brax has done something stupid" I admit
"I know and it scares me too especially with the little" Ricky says before quickly pausing
"The little what?" I ask
"If I tell you something you have got to promise not to tell anyone, not even Brax" Ricky burst out
"Of course I won't" I say looking slightly confused
"I'm pregnant, I found out on the night Casey died but I just couldn't find the right time to tell anyone" Ricky admitted
"oh my god, Ricky that's amazing news I am so happy for you" I say smiling and giving her a hug
"It's so good to finally tell someone" Ricky says letting out a sigh of relief
"I'm so sorry you felt like you couldn't tell us before" I confessed
"It's not your fault I just hadn't found the right time" Ricky assures
"You have to tell Brax" I exclaimed
"Paige I can't" Ricky says adamantly
"Why not?" I ask confused "this might be the thing that stops him from doing something stupid" I admit
"Or it could be the thing that could make him want to kill Jake even more, he would not feel safe knowing Jake is around when I'm having a baby" Ricky fretted
"Okay I understand" I say nodding my head in agreement
After I had finished packing my bags I say some quick goodbyes to Ricky, Kyle and Phoebe before heading outside to meet Heath who was sat in the car ready.
"Have you seen Brax?" I say turning to Kyle
"No sorry, do you want me to call him and say that your leaving?" Kyle asks
"No it's fine if he can't be bothered to come say goodbye to me that's fine" I say trying not to show that it upset me
I pick up my bags and chuck them into the back before getting into the car with Heath.
"Do you want to wait for Brax?" Heath questions
"No let's just go" I say putting my seat belt on
Heath pulls out the drive and begins to drive off, I wave to Ricky, Kyle and Phoebe for as long as I can before they are no longer in site. I sit back down into my chair and make my self as comfortable as possible for the drive to the city.