A/N: I wanted to say a special thank you to LauratheChef for reviewing every single one of my chapters. Like a lot of you, I tend to get carried away reading and don't always leave reviews but they do make all the difference. Especially when I feel like maybe I wasn't cut out for this and want to give up.

This is my first time ever posting a story and it has been a pretty scary experience. I have always appreciated all of the amazing writers on this site, and thought I would take a stab at it, but seeing your encouraging words has definitely made this experience a lot less scary.

Okay I'll let you get back to reading now…. I hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 12

Confusion is what I am feeling right now. Yes I know that Emma was thinking about kissing me earlier but I thought that was more of a caught up in the moment type of thing and nothing more. I know that I am an attractive woman and have always used that to my advantage, and I definitely know what lust looks like. But this sounds like more than that.

I used to like the way that men and women alike would look at me and I loved feeling desired, but I realized early on that they weren't actually desiring me for who I am, but for how I looked and the power I held. Most of them wanted to take that power form me, or do horrid things to my body.

I realize that I was so lost in my thoughts that I haven't said anything since she uttered those words but I do not exactly know what to say.

I never expected this from her, actually I never expected to experience many of the things I have since I got here in this alternate universe of sorts.

Maybe it is just lust or she is confused about how she feels.

"Okay, well thank you for telling me this Emma, but I am still confused as I didn't fully hear what you and Ms. Lucas were speaking about but it sounded pretty… intense?" I ask her because I am honestly curious.

She puts her face in her hands and exhales loudly. I know I am making her more uncomfortable but I appreciate her trying.

"We do not have to continue this conversation if you are not comfortable. I am just trying to understand." I tell her hoping that she doesn't feel pressured. She is looking in my eyes to gage whether I am here to laugh or hurt her, so I try to convey as best I can that I truly just want to know how she really feels and comfort her.

"I am not used to just speaking about my feelings like this either Regina. And I do want to tell you but I am afraid it will change things between us. And I am just so happy to be able to spend time with Henry, I don't want to lose that." She tells me, and I understand even more now why she is hesitant.

She doesn't want to lose Henry and I certainly know how that feels, so I try to reassure her.

"I assure you Emma that it will not affect your time with Henry. I was not lying when I told you that I want us to be friends. And I will try my best to honor that. As long as what you tell me does not involve hurting Henry, all will be ok."

"I don't know about that Regina, you don't know that it will be okay once I say this but I am going to trust you now." She takes a deep breath and sits up straighter than before. I also perk up a bit and have to say she has my full attention. "I like you Regina. I like you as more than a friend, and you make me feel things that I have never felt before, as cliché as it sounds." She laughs to herself. "I have been sort of trying to fight it off for a while now, but ever since I moved in it has become harder. We have these moments and I kinda thought that maybe you felt it too. This thing between us." She finally says.

"What do you mean that ever since you moved in that it is harder? Did you feel this way before that?" I can't help but ask her because I need to know when her feelings changed. I need to know if it was something I did when I came back.

"The feelings intensified when I moved in, but if I am honest they have been there since the first day." She says and then looks out the window. "That night on the porch when you came running out of your house I swear I felt something stir inside of me, it felt so right to just be there and witness you in that moment, I don't even think I can fully explain it."

I don't believe what she is telling me. I have never had any clue that she felt this way before; especially with all the time we have spent together over the years. I need to know when or what happened to make her pursue it this time.

What have I done to our future?

"Emma, if you don't mind me asking, when did you know for sure that you felt this way. You can be attracted to many people over time, and I am not at all trying to downplay your feelings but I need to know what changed. Why now?" I ask her and I know she doesn't fully understand my question. I wish I could talk to future Emma right now. I wish she had said something.

Although I do not know if it would have changed anything between us, on second thought it could have made me use her feelings against her. But I'm not that person any longer.

"Well I saw how much you loved Henry that first day, I saw how protective you were and also how crushed you were when you realized that he had left town and even stole his teachers credit card. I saw the hurt on your face, and it made me want to be there for you. And you raised my son into this amazing kid, how could I not?" She looks up as she says this part, her eyes sparkling at me.

"So you felt this way from the first time we met?" I say this more to myself than to her.

"I was never planning on acting on it; I mean you really kind of drove me insane. It was actually Ruby who helped me to realize that I was fighting you so hard because of how I felt about you. I had decided that I was going to give up and just move on, but it was so hard, especially that day when you invited me to the diner for dinner with you and Henry. After that I pretty much knew for sure." She explains and it's hard not to feel something deep in my chest. I felt anxious and suddenly sick to my stomach.

"Knew what?" I ask very lowly, not even sure if she heard me.

"That I was falling for you." She says with a small sad smile.

"Emma… this… us… I need some time to think this all through, but I appreciate so much that you told me all of this." I try to show her with my eyes that I really did appreciate it, but right now I feel sick to my stomach.

"Do you want me to leave? Can I atleast say bye to Henry first?" All of a sudden she has a mask of indifference on and I am surprised at how quickly she has changed.

Then I remember that she is used to being disposed of, as a child she never had a home.

"Emma no. You are welcome to stay here, I am not kicking you out, and I just need some time to process this. I need to go to my room, but do not think that you have to leave." I say as I get up and make my way up the stairs.

As soon as I get to my bedroom I close the door and run to the restroom.

I hunch over the toilet in an attempt to throw up but nothing comes up.

It feels like my organs in my stomach are twisting and turning. I go to the sink and drink some water. Then I head to the bed and lie down.

How do we proceed from here?

I never thought that Emma had any kind of feelings for me, and now this.

Can I still pursue a friendship with her when she feels this way? Is it even fair to her?

I have Robin to think about as well. And then there's Hook, whom I cannot stand but he and Emma are together in the future.

I have to tell her that there is no chance for us, but how? I do not want to hurt her, but what else can I do?

I will not hurt Henry again by having us at odds. I cannot hurt him and have him hate me again.

Suddenly that sharp pain comes back. Why is this hurting so much? What is happening to me?

I try to stand to go back into the bathroom and get some pain pills. But the pain is too excruciating. I can barely move.

Panicking I start to yell because I cannot contain it. I yell for Emma and hope that she did not leave the house. I know my cell phone is downstairs in my office.

I feel myself start to pass out but the pain is so bad that it won't let me.

I twist into a ball and I am reminded of the times that mother used to whip me. Or the times she would use her magic on me so that internally I was in agony but there was no physical proof on the outside.

Maybe this is what I deserve, to be punished for ruining so many lives for so many years, only to have the chance to do it all over again, starting with Emma.

How could I tell her that I wasn't the one for her? Would she believe me if I told her the truth.

Another bout of twisting ensues and I scream out again, my vision clouded by tears.

I try to slow my breathing, and calm myself like I did as a child.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Still the pain continues to intensify.

I close my eyes tightly and try to make sense of it all. 'It's too much, its all too much'I think to myself and then I her Henry's voice, he's telling me that it's okay. He's saying to stay strong and hold on. I can almost feel someone stroking my face.

I don't dare open my eyes, I just whisper, "Henry? Is that you? How?"

"Yeah mom its really me." He says just as lightly.

"Oh Henry's I've ruined everything. I just wanted to help." I tell him, crying now.

"It's okay mom, you are okay, just calm down. Just breathe, like you taught me when I was little and I was scared or in pain. It will be over soon, don't give in, we will be together soon…" I hear his voice slipping further away.

"No Henry! Come back, don't leave me." Eyes still closed, I reach out to him and he takes my hand.

"I tried sweetheart, I tried to fix things but I don't think I can." I tell him, and I feel a hand caressing my face, my hair.

"Regina? Regina, wake up please. What's wrong?" This time I hear Emma's voice.

"Emma? Oh Emma, did they do it? How did they save you? Can they save me too?" I ask her but now I don't know where I am. It's like I'm falling and the twisting starts again.

It's too much, I can't take the pain, and I can't stand this anymore.

…..

I start to stir and feel someone shift with me.

I feel very warm, almost like I am cocooned and as I open my eyes I see that it's dark outside; the curtains still being open.

I lift my head to see who is behind me and my head throbs so I slam it back down on the pillow.

I am still curled up in the middle of my bed.

I am being held completely from behind. The person behind me is encircling my body which includes my arms. It is not uncomfortable but I need to move so I slowly pull my hands away. As I pull them away he me pulls me closer, instinctively towards him.

Robin must have been worried sick about me, and I am glad to be back, back in his arms.

When I heard Henry's voice earlier I knew that I was back, back to the present time.

They must have worked hard to get the darkness out because I feel sore even as I lie still.

I open my eyes and try to adjust them.

It's still too dark and with my head throbbing I decide to keep them closed and just enjoy the feeling, this security. There will be time later to ask questions.

I scoot further into him as I fall back asleep.

…

I can feel a draft, and I know that Robin has left the window open. He has done it a few times before, always saying it's too warm but I think it's because he spent so much time out in the woods.

I snuggle a little further into him and his hands start to slowly move against mine. He's warming me up unconsciously like he can sense I'm cold. We are so in sync even when he is asleep.

I must admit that I have missed this contact especially after so many weeks of being alone after just getting him back. At this moment I do not care that he had upset me. I just want to feel safe and loved. I want him to take away all the hurt and pain. I want him to make me forget.

"Robin" I whisper as I slowly start to move a bit, against him.

He says nothing so I take his hands and bring them under my shirt; I just want to feel his skin.

He responds immediately by moaning in my ear, his hands taking on a life of their own, rubbing across my stomach and heading upwards.

"Oh how I missed you, I am sorry my love that I was so cross with you. I just want us to be okay." I tell him.

I feel him starting to stir awake, and feel his hands exploring my chest.

He's being so gentle and it is making me feel warmer. His hands feel like fire blazing across my body and I feel those sparks again.

My mind flashes to Emma, and how it felt when she touched my face. She felt so warm too, and when she hugged me earlier I felt safe in her arms too. Before I can stop myself I moan out her name.

I feel him start to move his hands away from me and I know I've messed up. But I don't want him to stop and I definitely do not want to think of Emma right now.

I want to forget her; I want to forget it all. I want him to make me his again.

"Don't stop, I just need to feel something real. Make me feel real again, make me feel alive, I'm so lost." I whisper the last part.

"Shhhh" He whispers, tying to sooth me.

I take his hand and lead it lower, down into my pants and underwear. I need to feel him everywhere at once; I need to feel him inside me.

He doesn't move his hand, but he doesn't explore me further. He just keeps his hand there and brings his other heart to my chest, to my heart and holds it there.

We stay like that for a minute until I become restless and a little frantic.

"Do you no longer want me? Can we just go back, back to before Marian, before Zelena? Even if its only for tonight." I beg of him.

"Shhhhh" He says and takes his hand out of my pants and slowly turns me to face him.

Ever so slowly he brings his hand to my cheek and rubs it.

I feel for his shirt and pull him into a kiss.

It's slow and unsure, like he's never done this before. He feels different against me. Softer and warmer than I am used to, but in this moment it feels glorious. I feel precious to him.

I bring both of my hands to his face and caress his cheeks and that's when I feel it. The softness is jarring and I immediately open my eyes. The room is completely encompassed into darkness but I know for sure that this is not Robin in front of me.

I bring my hands back and I pull back and try to rub the sleep from my eyes.

I blink again and try to make out what is happening.

Robin was here, I know he was, I could feel him.

"Regina?" She says my name and it's shocking but electrifying at the same time.

We are pressed so closely together and her breath is mingling with mine.

As my eyes adjust I see that her face is flushed with a small hopeful smile on her lips.

She pulls me a little closer, "I think you were talking in your sleep, are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't stop you sooner but I came in earlier and you were thrashing in your sleep so I came to try to hold you in place and it seemed to calm you. I must have fallen asleep. I wasn't fully awake when we started…." She looks away then, and then down to my chest, flushing a little more. "I promise I wouldn't have taken it any further but that kiss took me by surprise." She's looking at me with so much devotion and I am still confused.

I know Robin was with me, and I definitely know that I heard Henry earlier.

"I…I'm sorry for this. I don't know what came over me. Is Henry okay? How late is it?" I ask.

" I called Ruby earlier at the Diner and asked if she could watch him for the night. I was worried about you and didn't want him to see you this way." she slowly brushes some invisible hair from my face.

"What happened? Are you still in pain, is there anything I can get or do for you?" She is so concerned and there is something she's not saying but I can see her first concern is my wellbeing.

"Oh yes, this happens sometimes, I have some abdominal….issues." I lie and know it sounds farfetched but I do not know what else to say. "Can you please get me my painkillers from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom?"

She quickly nods and unlatches herself from me.

As soon as she is gone I feel cold. I feel so alone again. And I try to piece together what has happened.

I know that I heard Henry for sure; I know they are still working on me; it's the only reason I can think of for still being here.

But what about Robin? It felt so good to be held, to feel loved again.

But was it really him or was it Emma all along?

That kiss, I know that kiss was all Emma. Even if we never did it before I know it was her. It was different from Robin, but not at all bad, just different.

It was like she was trying to memorize me with that kiss, trying to savour every second of it, and not just rush into more than that.

Robin and I were always rushing into things, trying to fight our attraction and trying to deny ourselves. Especially after Marian returned. That night in my crypt under the cemetery when we made love it was so passionate, but it just felt wrong after. I felt like the other woman afterwards and then I realized that with Marian I was the other woman, soul mate or not.

Even now I am the other woman in his life.

It makes me sick to my stomach again. I hear Emma approach me slowly.

"Is it hurting again? Here take this." she hands me a pain pill and a bottle of water. She must have gone down to retrieve it without me even knowing, too lost in my own thoughts.

I sit up and run my fingers through my hair, "Thank you so much Emma, for everything, especially for staying with me." I take the bottle and pill.

Once I've finished I reach to the nightstand to put it down and she quickly takes it form me, laying it on the table.

She kneels in front of me near the bed, bringing her down to my eye level. "Of course. Where else would I be? I was so scared when I found you like that, I didn't know what to do." She looks down.

"It seems to me that you knew exactly what to do." I smile at her and I cannot contain the feeling that overwhelms me in that moment.

She smiles back at me and it's bashful and beautiful and I just want to kiss her again. Feel what she made me feel earlier. Safe and loved.

It hits me like a ton of bricks. This feeling that takes over and warms me from head to toe.

I lean forward, and so does she.

I look down to her lips; lips that were on mine not too long ago. And I pull in a little closer. So does she, but there's a moment of hesitation in her eyes, so I look back questioningly.

She then slowly moves her face to the side and catches the side of my lip closer to my cheek and then pulls back looking at me.

Taking my hands in hers she says, "You have no idea how much I want you. How hard it was to stop earlier, especially when you took my hand…" she trails off and I know she's talking about.

I flush at the memory of what I now know was not Robin.

"No please don't be embarrassed. You are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever met. And did I want to continue, God yes I did. But not like this Regina. You are obviously going through something and I want to be here for you. I would never take advantage of you like that. You seemed confused, talking about people and things I know nothing about." She says this and all I can think about is that she had her chance. She could have had me, my body and she didn't.

"Its pretty late and you should probably get some more rest. I'm not going anywhere, I'll just be down the hall if you need me. And maybe whenever you are up to it we can talk about it." She's smiling at me and I nod for a moment.

How can she be so okay with this? Especially after confessing such feelings this must be torturous for her. She is every bit the savior she was prophesized to be, and I see it wholly now when she has no idea who she is, yet her future self still shines through.

I want to reach out for her, my body willing me to, but I hesitate, I cannot because I have others to think about. I have her future self to think about.

But it's too hard to see her walk away tonight, after all that has happened.

She stands and makes her way to the door, and I don't want her to leave, not tonight. I don't want to be alone.

"Emma wait…I don't know how to tell you… Thank you Emma, for being so understanding." She turns towards just nods at me as I continue. "I would completely understand if you are not confortable but I just… I don't want to be alone tonight. Would you stay with me?"

She heads back to me and kneels in front of me again. "Yes, I think I can do that." She smiles at me and I'm glad that it seems lighter than the heavy atmosphere before. "Just let me get cleaned up and changed and ill be over." She then turns again and is out the door.

I also get cleaned up and changed into more suitable sleepwear.

As I wait up for her I think that this day turned out so different from what I expected, but maybe I wouldn't have to do it alone anymore.