Chapter 13

A few days have passed since the incident in the bed, since Emma confessed her feelings for me, since I kissed her.

I awoke before her that next morning and found that I was holding onto her from behind. It was nothing too intimate, just my arm draped over her, but when I had fallen asleep I had been facing the opposite direction.

I guess we really cannot control what we do in our sleep or how we feel.

I felt happy waking up to someone beside me. It was a pleasant change from always having to wake up alone.

I used to love when Henry would ask to sleep with me, feeling his little body next to mine, holding onto to me tight. That's when I felt he needed me most, and loved me the most.

Nowadays it isn't enough to know that I am loved; I also want to feel it. That all-encompassing love that you feel deep within yourself, that carefree love that makes you smile at random times of the day just thinking about the person; that passionate love that makes it so you cannot live or breathe without them. I thought I had that with Robin for a very brief time but I wonder if we could ever have that again. With everything going on I just don't know if what we have is enough.

I think back to that morning with Emma and it pains me that I rarely had the chance to even wake up with Robin like that.

*Flashback*

The phone is ringing somewhere but I just feel so warm and comfortable. I try to ignore It as I snuggle deeper into my bed and try to fall back to sleep.

It goes off again, this time I remember that Henry didn't come home last night and worry hits me. I lean over to my nightstand behind me and grab for my phone. It's not there. it's then that I remember that I left it downstairs last night.

I turn back around and that's when I'm met with long blond hair.

She is so close to me, and I see the she is asleep on my left arm, and that I was hugging her with my right.

I think she's still asleep so I gently try to remove my arm from under her, once I finish that I try to reach over her to the nightstand on her side of the bed to grab her phone.

Of course as I am slowly reaching over her the phone rings again and this time it does wake her up and she shoots up in bed and bumps right into me, and I end up lying directly on top of her.

At first she looks shocked, but then she just looks confused, I don't think she even realizes that she is gripping my hips.

"Good morning Regina." She husks out a slow smile starting on her face.

I don't know what to do or say as I hold my upper body up by my hands that are on either side of her face.

I cannot fail to feel the sensations taking over my body, heat starting to rise in me.

"I was just trying to reach for your phone." I tell her but don't move at all. "I think it might be Henry."

"Well I had told him last night that we would meet him at the diner for breakfast around 10." She says glancing to the side to see the time. "Looks like we still have time since its only 8:30 right now."

"Oh, well I still don't think we should be…" I start saying embarrassed at the fact that I have yet to move off of her.

"But it's so warm and cozy like this." She says innocently trying to snuggle a little closer with a radiant smile appearing on her face. She is definitely more affectionate in the morning; perhaps she is not fully awake.

I go to move off of her but she's holding onto me, "Emma please, I don't think it's right to be this close, especially with how you feel about me." I tell her feeling bad about it, but also trying to get up because my body feels like it's overheating.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, I would never try to take advantage of you Regina…" she's looking to the side now, her hands instantly off of my hips and I can see her eyes start to mist. She seems almost angry at herself for her actions.

The last thing I want to do is lead her on.

We both move at the same time and I know she doesn't mean to but her knee brushes between my legs as she tries to get up and I feel my body tingle and involuntarily grind into her.

I let out a breath and I know she can feel the heat coming off of me, I know she can feel my breath start to quicken.

Suddenly she halts all of her movements and starts to look deep into my eyes, and I see hope forming there.

I try to hide the blush that has risen on my face, but I know she can feel how much my body is responding to her.

"Regina?" she whispers questioningly, like if she says it too loud it will ruin this moment. Her hand coming up to brush the hairs that drape around my face, looking deeper into my eyes.

"Emma please…" I beg, but right now I don't know what for.

Her hand lightly pulls at the arms I was using to hold myself up and brings it me so that I am lying on top of her, her leg still situated between mine.

"Do you feel it too? Is that why you are pulling away? Maybe you could give me a chance, give us a chance?" she says so low not that she would need to speak up with how close we are.

I feel it, I feel it all over but I can't tell her that, but then her hand is on my cheek again and she's looking at me as if I am the most precious thing in her world. I begin to think that maybe I am.

I don't know if her next move is intentional but she rubs her thigh against me and before I can control myself I close my eyes and let out a moan. My body taking over on its own as I slowly rock against her again. And all of sudden we are rocking together, our eyes penetrating eachother as our bodies start to acquaint themselves.

Even with our clothes on, even though we are not doing anything but rocking together; I am still getting more turned on than I thought I would as I slip my eyes closed, feeling guilty but not being able to stop. .

My senses are overloaded and everywhere her hand touches leaves a trail of fire. She's rubbing my arms and my back and then she brings both hands up my to my face.

"Please open your eyes." she says and as I do I see then questioning me.

"I…" I try to speak but I can't, I try to fight what I am feeling but I can't, she just feels so good right now.

"I don't know what this is Regina, but I am not going anywhere unless you ask me to. I don't know what happened last night, but that kiss… I don't know who Robin is, but I haven't seen anyone here for you since I moved in…" I wish she would have just stopped talking because as soon as she utters Robins name it feels like I've been hit with a cold bucket of ice.

That's when I find the strength to push her away. To pull myself away and put much needed distance between us. I look back at her and see the hurt in her eyes.

"Emma I cannot do this, I am sorry I don't know what came over me. There is more going on than you could possibly understand and I didn't mean to take it so far. I really truly do want us to be friends but it can never be anything more than that." I say as I hastily get out of the bed, and try to calm my breathing.

"But last night…?" she asks, and I know she doesn't deserve any lies but I just can't deal with this now. I don't even know what to tell her truthfully.

"That kiss Emma, I'm sorry but that was a mistake. I was caught up in the moment and honestly did not realize it was even you. I was dreaming and I had no control over my actions, but that doesn't make it right, I know it doesn't but I do not want to give you false hope. So please try to understand…." I tell her, but not once meeting her eyes.

"I think you are just scared Regina, and that's okay, but maybe we could figure it out together. I think we both felt it last night…" she says.

"No Emma, it was not right. And I really need to get ready to go see Henry so if you will please just leave it alone." I say coldly and then walk into my restroom knowing that I didn't have to respond like that but I guess old habits die-hard.

*End flashback*

Ever since that morning things have been strained. They have been strained because I cannot go back to the way things were, even though it seems like she has.

Although I am the one who pushed her away and it seems to have worked I just cannot get the images out of my head. The images of her underneath me as our bodies felt in sync with one another.

We met Henry for breakfast and Emma was back to her normal self. She did not treat me bad, or even seem to remember what had happened between us. It was as though I had imagined the entire thing.

I seemed to be the only one who felt awkward and Henry even asked me a few times if something was wrong.

I said it was nothing, and I did see Emma looking at me contemplatively from time to time but she never acknowledged it and neither did I.

The only difference I noticed was that she tried not to be alone with me, and made a point of not touching me in any way, whether it was just brushing by me in the kitchen or passing me the salt at the dinner table. She avoided any type of physical contact with me. This was completely different from before where she would find any excuse to be near me, and I really didn't mind it because we had gotten so used to eachother over the years.

Although in the future, or was it present time? I didn't even know anymore… Emma was only ever affectionate with Henry. She was starting to become more affectionate with Hook as well but that came much later. She wasn't overtly affectionate with her parents either now that I think about it. It was so different to how she was here, but now that has changed as well.

It was making me more upset than it should, to the point where I wanted to shout or atleast have us at odds again just to feel something.

It really wasn't helping that I did not know how long I was stuck here and now that things were good with Henry I just felt that I no longer knew what my purpose was supposed to be. I had come to depend on those little moments we shared where we… flirted? But it was all in good fun, I never meant it to be anymore more or to lead her on, but then I guess I couldn't have it both ways. And it seemed like she didn't even care anymore anyway.

If Henry noticed he really didn't mention anything. But I sure felt it. I felt it in the house, I felt in everywhere. It was all I thought about.

There were a few times when I wanted to approach her about it, but I couldn't find the words.

More than once I caught her looking at me but when I did she just gave me a smile.

The one upside to Emma being around less is that it has allowed Henry and me to get even closer. So close that he has shown me the book and we have started talking about it.

I think he has opened up to me because he no longer thinks that I will hurt him or others. He thinks that Emma has helped to change me because she is the savior.

He is right, I have changed but it was for him and because of him, and because of all that we have gone through.

I think I may tell him today, the truth about everything since Emma will not be here as she took the later shift at the station today.

She and Graham have gotten a lot closer lately and she has gone out for drinks with him a few times.

I wasn't very surprised with Graham because I knew that he was attracted to her. He was the first time around and that hasn't changed this time, but since they have been working together I think that his feeling have intensified. I also haven't slept with him like I had been doing the first time around which is starting to seem like a bad idea since he now has his eyes set on her.

I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy controlling and sleeping with him, but it was more of an itch that needed scratching. He didn't provide anything but a romp whenever I needed it and I knew it was nothing more. He was just another toy to me, a boring one at that.

I wonder how she could ever find him interesting or want to spend time with him out of work. He was easy on the eyes that was for sure, but that's all he was. I wonder what they talk about while they are at the office, or at the bar. But then I guess it was my fault since I couldn't control myself and ended up pushing them closer together.

*Flashback*

On Monday I went to the Diner to grab a quick lunch and walked in on them laughing boisterously. As I walked by Graham just tilted his head at me and Emma looked the other way.

As I sat and ordered I could feel her looking at me but I did not one time turn my head towards her. I'll admit I was ashamed for how I had treated her, but I was also a little upset that she didn't even acknowledge me.

People knew that she was living in my home and she couldn't even say hello, she just continued on with her meal, the two of them as thick as thieves.

I had taken some work to look over during my meal but I did not read a single thing, too absorbed in what was happening behind me.

When Ruby came to refill my coffee she stood there for a minute and just looked at me.

"Is there something I can help you with Ms. Lucas?" I ask her.

"You know she can't wait for you forever." She says while cleaning up my table but taking her time.

"I do not know what you are talking about Ms. Lucas, and I have done nothing wrong for that matter. I cannot help how I feel.. don't feel." I say because even though I don't want to acknowledge it, I feel I need someone to talk to and she seems to be better than my young son.

"Is that why you barely ate your food, and you've been shuffling the papers in front of you but you haven't read a thing?" She asks, but there is no malice in her voice, and that's when I look up at her.

"Look Madam Mayor, I have seen you in here for so long, but lately and especially since Emma came into town it seems like things are changing. And the three of you, when you are in here you seem very happy together. I'm not here to judge you." She continues and I cannot hold it in, I had been dying to speak to someone.

"I just haven't been myself… and things had been going well, but then she told me how she feels and now.. I don't know" I tell her and she touches my hand comfortingly.

I smile at her, and as I do I see Emma from the corner of my eye starting at us.

"Look, we can't talk here because of prying eyes." She gestures to Emma, and then gets a little closer to my face. "But there is someone already moving in on her, and he's not at all hard on the eyes."

"That boring bafoon!" I say it and quickly cover my mouth as Ruby laughs out loud.

It feels so nice to interact with someone else, and I really do need to talk to someone so I take a chance and hope that Ruby will accept. I haven't been the nicest person to her in the past and she is Snow's best friend, but maybe she will understand.

"Ms. Lucas would you be free any evening? I know it is unusual to ask, and I understand if you would not feel comfortable but.." I tell her feeling silly for even asking.

"Regina, please call me Ruby, and what is it?" she asks, but with a smile on her face.

"Would you come to my place, I need to talk to someone, and I just don't have any…" I start to say.

"Friends?" she finishes, and I look down and flush because she is right.

"Hey look I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. Yes I'll come over say… Friday?" She says and I nod a yes as she saunters off, turning when she gets to the counter and says, "Later Regina." She winks, and I flush because it was in front of the other diners.

"Thank you, Ruby" I say loud enough for everyone to hear, especially a blond who was pretending not to pay attention to me.

I'm feeling a little bold since I spoke to Ruby, and I can't help but to walk up to them as I see Graham leaning closer to Emma, and lightly touching her shoulder as he tells her something.

"How was your meal?" I asked the two of them, and Graham looks shocked to see me and immediately removes his hand from Emma's shoulder.

I smirk because I'm glad I can still scare people here with the mere sound of my voice.

"It was really good, how about you Emma?" Graham asked her, trying to get her to join in on the conversation.

"Good." Was all she said and then finally looked up at Graham, "Actually really good, did you want to try some?" she asked him as he was taking a sip of his drink and her voice takes a sensual tone which causes him to start to choke, while I just couldn't believe that she would flirt like that in front of me.

What was she doing?

"Well I am glad you are enjoying it, especially since it will be your last. Mind telling me who is running the station while the Sheriff and Deputy and both here?" I asked looking at Graham again, and then to her incredulously.

"Uh... Well... we usually take our lunches together since it's not very busy." Graham says looking up a bit angry, but knowing better than to talk back to me.

"Yes well, regardless of how busy it is, someone needs to be there especially in the middle of the day. See to it that you either eat there or have someone manning the station at all times of the day." I say to him firmly, and look over to Emma who is just watching our exchange.

"Yes Madam Mayor, I'll see to that." He says, taking out money to pay the bill.

"And what time should I expect you home Ms. Swan?" I ask her, knowing I shouldn't especially in front of all of these people in the Diner.

"I will be home in time for dinner with Henry." she syas looking at me and I know that I have struck a nerve.

It makes me feel thrilled to know that I have stuck something within her, to see her anger flare. She must know that I am just picking on them and is not happy about it.

"Well see to it that you are not late, can't have our son waiting. And bring your appetite as it will be delicious." And with that I turn and walk away.

Once I reach my car I am out of breath and both angry and turned on.

It felt invigorating to tell Graham off and to also get on with Emma. She has always been a worthy opponent, although I don't know if I should have done that so brazenly in front of the other patrons.

I knew that I was angry at Graham for putting his hands on her, but why? It had been so long since I had taken that tone with anyone in town, and used my statue to bring someone else down but I just couldn't stand them sitting there that way.

I tried not to think much of it as my made my way back to work.

**End Flashback**

Now as I wait for Ruby I know that things have to get better somehow.