A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed. I know there are many lurkers out there, as I am one as well. But it really does help to hear your opinions or encouraging words. I don't know when I will have a chance to update again since I'm going on vacation next week, but perhaps you all can convince me to write another one before I leave!
A BIG thank you to Helo Medeiros for your review, it's actually the reason I decided to post this today. I hope you enjoy it!
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It took me 30 minutes to calm down enough to speak.
In those 30 minutes the Charming's milled around the house as if it was their own. And where it would have angered me before, it was actually calming. David went around the house straightening up the pictures that had either fallen or were slanted from earlier. Snow cleaned up the table and even brewed some coffee, and as David gently helped me to sit down in the living room, Snow brought me a fresh cup and just sat it in front of me.
After they felt the place was back in order they both took a seat across from me and waited until I was ready to speak.
At first I couldn't believe that Robin had betrayed me in such a way, but now as I had more time to think about it it didn't surprise me. He may have been my soul mate, but he was not destined to be with me, as he continually chose others over me.
It hurt me to think that he could see me as equal to my sister, but at the same time, I guess I just felt as though maybe this is what was supposed to be. We knew it was going to be hard, and maybe it was too hard. Maybe somethings just weren't worth it in the end.
I needed to focus now on other things, on more important things than my pathetic love life.
I look up to see both Snow and David staring at me, and as I look back at them I see the sorrow in their eyes, I see that lightness they always had has faded and they just look utterly hopeless and defeated.
I know I need to help them, I needed to help my family get back its most important member. She was the one who held us all together, that one singular element that would always bind us all as a family unit, and without her we would all be broken.
I reach down and take a sip of the coffee, and finally speak up.
"Thank you for giving me… time to process. And for coming to be with me everyday. I know that must have been hard with everything else that is happening." I say putting down the coffee.
They both nod at me, still not saying anything so I continue.
"I need to see Emma and speak to her. Robin mentioned that she is not well, and that you have her in a cell?" I ask, and just saying Robins name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
"Oh Regina, she is not herself, and she will not speak to us, will not even come near us or touch us. She is so scared, but I can see so much anger in her as well, she is fighting a battle with herself right now and we don't know what to do." Snow finally gushes out, tears springing to her eyes as David holds her tightly.
"Has she hurt anyone? Is that why she is locked up? I don't understand, is she truly the…" the words are stuck in my throat, so I swallow deeply and rasp out "the dark one?"
"Well you saw as we did that her name was on the dagger, and we have the dagger in safe keeping, but it was her idea to be locked up. She doesn't trust herself and had us lock her up before she lost complete control of herself. She doesn't want Henry to see her like that, so he has been staying with you here, and we have been watching him when he isn't by your side." David informs me as it has become too hard for Snow to speak.
"She wants to see you Regina; you are the only one she is calling for, while she's awake and asleep. I think she sees you in her dreams too. After we locked her up she refused to see us, so we have to sneak over when we thing she is asleep" Snow says, and it knocks the wind out of me.
Was it possible that we were seeing the same thing; living the same dream or alternate universe?
"Does she ever speak of these dreams?" I ask before I can help myself.
"No she doesn't speak to anyone at all. But we hear her, and we know that she needs you, we all do Regina. You don't know how hard this month has been without you. And Henry, he's been so good, staying by your side, you would be so proud." She says and a small smile appears on her face despite all that has happened. My boy is still able to be so strong for us all.
"I need to see her, but I would like to see Henry first. I just need to get cleaned up, if you have some place else to be, I could perhaps meet you later?" I ask because I do not want to be alone. I have never been a needy person, but right now I did not trust myself to be alone, especially with what happened with Robin earlier.
"Ofcourse we want to see you later Regina, we just got you back. In fact, if you are okay we can wait until you are finished getting ready and head out together. I know you feel okay, but you just woke up today and I… I don't want to be parted form you yet." Snow says, and I know she is lying.
I have no doubt she missed me, but I know she is worried about me, and she knows I will never ask for her help. I never thought I would feel so comfortable with them in my home like this, bur I do welcome.
"Yes, ofcourse dear. If you'll just wait down here, I'll be down shortly." I say and then head upstairs to get ready.
….
The three of us ended up taking one car so that they could take me directly from Henry's school to see Emma.
The car ride was quiet, and it did feel a bit awkward, but not at all as unpleasant as I had feared.
When I saw Henry it brought tears to my eyes. And he was openly crying as well.
David had gone to get him and brought him to the car and they gave us some time alone, waiting outside.
He told me how scared he was, and I just wiped away his tears and held him close to me. It felt so nice to have him near me.
We had been through so much, and eventhough I had little Henry with me in the other place, nothing compared to my grown Henry because he understood so much more than he let on.
I told him about how I had felt and heard him and he explained that I had woken up while Blue was working on me, and that he was so scared that I was in pain.
I had to lie to him and tell him I wasn't, because I could already see that stress had taken a toll on his body. He looked thinner, and his face tired, and sunken in.
I think he knew I was lying to him, but he didn't want to push it.
"Have you seen Ma yet? They won't let me see her.." he said looking down.
"I am going there from here, and dear, look at me." I say lifting his face.
"I know you want to see her but just think of where she is coming from. She may not want you to see her like this, or maybe she's afraid she may hurt you." I tell him.
"No mom, she wouldn't hurt me, I know we can save her.. she just needs to let us." He said, and that little hopeful boy is showing through right now.
"I know you want to believe that dear, and so do I but we have to just do our best not to push too hard, ok? Now I have to go, but I will be seeing you soon. I love you so much." I tell him as I pull him into another hug; trying to memorize his familiar smell and body.
"Love you too mom." he says and then exits the car.
I see him through the window giving his grandparents hugs as well before heading back to class.
…
It's dark and dingy as we make our way through the tunnels to where Emma is being kept, and it just feels so wrong to have her here.
I have to stop myself several times from lashing out at her parents for leaving her here, but I can tell by the looks on their faces that this is as hard for them as it is for me.
As I continue walking I see cell bars at the end of the hallway, and then I look back to Snow and Charming who had stopped several feet behind me.
"Why are we stopping?" I whisper to them.
"She will not want to see us. Last time we came close enough to see her she….." Snow looks to David and swallows what looks like bile rising in her throat, "She threatened us that she would hurt herself... so we will wait here." Snow finished, finally looking at me.
I'm taken aback at the utter helplessness and hurt in her eyes.
"Surely she can't mean it, perhaps she's just scared." I say, reaching out to her.
"No, Regina you don't understand. She was already upset with us for lying to her before she became the dark one. It seems her emotions have been heightened times 100. She looks at us with such hate, and she knows the only way to keep us away is to threaten to hurt herself." David says, and I can't believe that she already has so much darkness in her.
The Emma I was with was so different, there was so much light in her eyes.
Oh how I wish I could back to that Emma right now. I'd never let her go. I'd never let it get this far. I was so blind.
"I don't know if I should see her then. If she hates you, then how can she want to see me?" I ask, obviously confused and conflicted.
"No, she is only asking for you. Please help our baby girl. Regina, you are the only who ever could." Snow says, and it seems to be a bit too loud because there's suddenly loud banging coming from behind me in the cell.
It sounds like someone is pounding something hard against concrete, and I am scared to think what it might be.
"She must have heard us, we have to go Regina, but we will be just outside." They say and I nod as I slowly turn to approach the cell.
As I walk closer I see that the cell looks identical to the one that Rumple was in, in the enchanted forest.
I come all the way to bars, not daring to make a sound and look around.
It is messy and there is a makeshift bed against the wall at the back of the cell.
There are clothes and some food trays scattered about, and even some books, but they all look like they have barely been touched.
At first I don't see her as I gaze around, and it isn't until she moves her legs that I finally make her out.
She looks gaunt from what I can see, and has a very thin singlet on with some sweat pants.
Her back is towards me and she is crouched down in a corner of the cell, writing something in a notebook, and also speaking to herself it seems.
"Emma" I breathe out before I can stop myself, and this startles her so she slowly puts down her pen and turns around.
As she turns I cannot hide the horror that crosses my face, as I bring my hand to cover my mouth as not to cry out.
She looks terrible, dark circles under her eyes, her hair and clothes disheveled and just dirty. I know there is a restroom in here behind a corner that I can make out but she must not be too worried with that right now.
There is even a desk in the opposite corner of the restroom, with the books and tray of food but it all looks like it has not been touched.
She is looking at me curiously up and down, then she mutters something to herself and turns back around, continuing to write in her book.
I stand for a few more minutes before I say it again, "Emma" and this time it's louder and firmer.
This does not get the reaction I thought it would, and it seems as though she doesn't believe I am really here.
She continues to speak under her breath as she writes more, starting to sway back and forth as though she is anxious.
"Emma! Look at me, turn around and look at me, please!" I say louder almost begging, and she just continues to ignore me.
I don't know how much longer I can take it, and my anger takes over as I look at a pebble on the floor outside the cell, and before I know It I have propelled it to hit her on left shoulder blade with my magic.
This sure gets her attention as she immediately jumps up off the floor and all I see is rage and she lunges towards me.
…..
She comes barging right into the cell bars, magic shooting from her hands, and I immediately crouch down and cover myself and on instinct my magic comes to life and ads a protection barrier around me.
A few seconds pass, and then I finally look up and meet her eyes.
"You are not real!" she shouts, then she looks up and around. "Just leave me alone!" she yells to no one in particular and then starts to retreat again so I take this as my only opportunity and I quickly lunge forward and bring my hand through the bar and grab her shoulder before she can fully get away from me.
"Oh you bet I am real Miss Swan, and I am not leaving you!" I say with as much force as I can to try and get through to her.
She stops but does not fully turn around, she just brings one of her hands and puts it over mine, almost like she still does not believe that I am here.
"I am most certainly here, and I need you to fully turn around and look at me, I promise I am not here to fool you or upset you in any way." I say slowly, as I really do not know what I am dealing with right now.
I want to believe that this woman in front of me is the same woman that I have recently found myself completely enamored and drawn to, but I am also so afraid that I've lost her; lost her before I ever really got to have her.
"How do I know it's really you? I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't control myself; maybe you should leave…" she trails off, her voice starting to quiver.
And that is when I decide I have been going about this all-wrong. Instead of cradling her like the others I needed to do what we did best, I needed to get her want to fight me, to fight this. Because if there's one thing we have always had its that competitive drive, it pushed us against our limits, and this will be no different.
"You are as stupid as you have always been if you think that a little dark magic is going to scare me away. Who are you to tell me to leave? We have a son who has been worried sick about you, and parents who look like they have literally lost their child. And you sit here in some corner and write in a little diary. This is what you have become? Reverting back to a scared little girl while the rest of us try to fix a decision you foolishly made." It hurt most to say that last part because I am forever grateful to her for saving me. But I had to get through to her.
I choke back the bile in my throat as the next words slip from my lips, "I'll just go back and tell Henry that he can come here and see this pathetic site for himself. See what his Savior has become…" I say and I turn and start very slowly walking away.
This time it's her hand that rushes out through the bar to grab my shoulder and I just stop.
I don't dare turn around in that moment because I know my eyes will betray me. So I just stand there and let her build whatever courage she needs to speak.
Her hand loosens its grip when she knows that I am not longer trying to walk away and as she removes it fully I already miss the contact between us.
It's sickening to think that I could be one of those stupid love struck fools that I always dreamed about when I was a young girl, and hated when I got older and realized it didn't exist. But now look at me having hope again in love in the form of a former Savior who is now the Dark One. And now I just want her hand on me again, I just want to feel her warmth surround me.
And to think of myself as love struck, could I even be thinking of love right now? Robin had just betrayed me, my supposed soul mate.
But deep down I know she would never betray me as he has. Even now, when there are so many odds against us I know that she would be better to me than he ever could.
I think I maybe have always known she would be good to me and for me, but I didn't understand how until I got to spend that time with her, until I got to really know her.
I'm so lost in my inner thoughts that I almost forget where I am when she brushes my shoulder again and says, "It really is you."
I turn around then, and just really look at her.
She is a shell of the woman I spent hours lying with; kissing and caressing carelessly into the night.
In one months' time she has lost a lot of weight and it's apparent that she hasn't really slept in a long time. Her hair has long lost its shine, her eyes seem almost dull and those lips, her lips were chapped and dry, almost cracked to point of bleeding.
I hated seeing her like this, I wanted to turn and run, to forget what I had seen but I couldn't.
I couldn't abandon her now.
"Emma it is me, please just let me in, we need to speak of course, but you look as though you are about to pass out from exhaustion. Please just let me help you." I tell her reaching for her hand and holding it gently in mine through the bars.
She looks down at herself and all of a sudden she must realize just how bad she looks because she immediately pulls her hand from mine and covers her chest. I know it's a defensive pose, and I need to get through to her, to let her know I only want to help but I don't know how, so I pick the only way I know how.
I transport myself into the cell so that I am standing right in front of her, no bars between us.
She immediately starts to back up, "No...no stay away, I'm warning you. I had them lock me in here for a reason. I am dangerous; I cannot control what's happening inside of me, what I might do to you.." she says, and I can see her breath quicken, I know she is trying to control herself.
I don't listen as I start to approach her, very slowly and cautiously because I know how hard it could be to control the rage inside. I know she could really hurt me now that I am inside the cell, and not protected by the spell that blue set around the cell.
I need her to know I am not afraid of her, and that she is still the same person.
"Emma please, just stay calm okay. I know how scared you are, especially because I know how scared we all are, but you need to understand something. Rumple didn't turn dark overnight. And neither will you. I know that we all have that darkness, I am proof of that, but there is also so much good inside of you." I tell her as she is now backed up against a wall with me in front of her.
I reach out and slowly caress her face, my eyes never leaving hers, "You cannot stay in here like some prisoner or monster. You cannot stop eating and sleeping. You cannot abandon our son. You cannot turn you back on me." I say, and see tears in her eyes, which I am sure match mine.
She tries so say something but nothing comes out, her lips trembling as she takes a deep breath.
"Please just let me try to help you, and we can talk once you get some rest and eat something. But don't you dare try to make me leave you again." I say as I move my thumb to catch the tear that has finally fallen down her cheek.
I take the last step to close the space between us and as I envelope her into my arms she immediately latches onto me and holds on tightly as we embrace, and had we not been that close I would not have heard her finally say, "Okay".
…