Well, this is quite an episode for Kurt and Blaine! And it's a long one... the longest chapter in this story so far, I believe! I hope that's a good thing!
Thank you all, as always, for being so very lovely. I appreciate it so much!
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
BLAINE
The week's assignment was Whitney Houston.
"It's about celebrating her legacy. Honoring her memory, her accomplishments. But I also want you guys to use her songs to get underneath your own feelings. To express and explore what's really going on with you," Mr. Schu had explained.
As Blaine transferred his books in and out of his locker after glee rehearsal, he heard Kurt's voice before he saw the other boy.
"How thrilled am I for this week's assignment!" Kurt hurried over, animated. "I'm going to Between The Sheets to find music."
Blaine tried to look interested, but he was having a hard time absorbing Kurt's good mood. He settled for just nodding along as Kurt continued. "I've got to figure out what song I want to do. I could do So Emotional, which was obviously written for me. Or One Moment In Time, which was also, obviously, written for me."
Blaine tried to think of something positive to say.
"Well, you can't really go wrong," he managed.
Kurt didn't notice his lack of enthusiasm. "I figured I could kill two birds with one stone," Kurt explained. "I could do one for the assignment this week and then one for my NYADA audition."
Blaine had to turn away. The emotional turmoil that he was feeling more and more every day regarding Kurt leaving for New York, combined with his annoyance that Kurt didn't seem to be feeling that same anxiety, meant that he wanted to talk about anything but NYADA.
Kurt, on the other hand, didn't seem to want to stop talking about NYADA. Ever. And, as much as Blaine understood that Kurt was just excited about his upcoming audition, it was starting to really get on Blaine's nerves. Was Kurt going to miss McKinley, and Blaine, at all?
"You'll come with me, right?" Kurt asked.
"Well, I can't today," Blaine lied. He did have an unusually large amount of homework, but he had never let that stand in his way of hanging out with Kurt before. He just couldn't bear the thought of spending the entire afternoon listening to Kurt gush about NYADA.
KURT
Kurt felt a large portion of his enthusiasm drain away as Blaine said that he couldn't come to the music store.
"Okay," he said, trying to ignore the way that the back of his mind was telling him that Blaine just didn't want to hang out with him. "Boo."
"Well– well, just text me when you're done," Blaine suggested.
As Blaine walked away, Kurt felt uncertain. "Will do," he answered, too late.
What was up with Blaine lately? He was so much more distant than normal. At first, Kurt had thought that maybe it was emotional runoff from Cooper's visit, but as the weeks had passed he was starting to think that it must be something else. Blaine was less affectionate, less upbeat, less talkative. And he had started turning down offers to hang out with Kurt, which he had never done before. Not without a really solid reason.
Kurt was trying his best to pretend that it wasn't happening. All of his dreams of New York – not to mention the rest of his life – included the sweet, talented boy he loved so much. What if Blaine's attitude change meant that Blaine was starting to have second thoughts about being a couple?
Kurt shook his head and leaned his head back against the row of lockers.
He knew that Blaine still loved him. Maybe this was the much-talked about "end of the honeymoon phase". Maybe they were just settling into a routine that was more comfortable than romantic.
That must be it, Kurt decided as he set off down the hall toward the parking lot and his car. Because he couldn't accept the alternative.
KURT
Things at the music store didn't go at all as Kurt had anticipated.
He wasn't in a particularly great mood when he arrived, but suddenly there was a loud, sweet young man named Chandler bouncing around in front of him. Complimenting him on his clothes and his song choices.
Is he flirting with me?
Kurt had never been flirted at by anyone other than Blaine (and, he reminded himself, Mercedes. But he liked to pretend that had never happened). It felt... nice.
"I'm sorry, am I being really loud?" Chandler suddenly realized. "When I get excited, I tend to start yelling."
"No, no," Kurt reassured him. "You're just really... enthusiastic. It's refreshing. Infectious, actually."
It was true. Kurt felt so much better than when he had walked in.
"Then I should quit while I'm ahead," Chandler said briskly. He stuck his hand out and Kurt shook it. "Nice to meet you, Kurt Hummel. I'm sure you'll nail whatever song you pick."
"Thank you," Kurt felt a tinge of pride at this stranger's confidence in him.
"Oh, and good luck with your NYADA callback," Chandler added. "Let me know if I can be of any help. We future New Yorkers gotta stick together."
Chandler hesitated, and then suddenly: "Can I get your number?"
Kurt's mind exploded with conflicting emotions. Nobody had ever asked for his number before. Not like this. And this Chandler guy was so nice.
"Um, yeah, I guess," Kurt stammered, pulling out his own phone.
As they exchanged numbers, Kurt felt his heart beating a little faster than normal. This was a new friend. Someone who was comfortable complimenting him in public and who shared his dream. It was exciting.
When Kurt's number was finally in his phone, Chandler smiled. "Text ya later," he shrugged his shoulders playfully before turning and leaving the store.
Kurt finished his shopping in a daze, and, as he was climbing into his car, his phone vibrated. His heart leapt as he yanked it out of his pocket.
It was from Chandler.
Are your feet tired? Because you've been running through my mind since I left the store.
Kurt's jaw fell slack at the forwardness of the message. He looked around, wondering if Chandler was still in the parking lot, but he saw no indication of the other boy.
He chewed on his lip as he typed a response. No, but only because I've got such fabulous shoes.
By the time he got home, there was another text from Chandler (What are you most looking forward to about New York?), and he spent the remainder of the evening attempting to do his homework while being sporadically interrupted by his new acquaintance.
BLAINE
So, what song did you decide on?
Blaine typed the message into his phone, but hesitated. Kurt hadn't texted him after the music store.
"I am so needy," Blaine mumbled, erasing the message and setting his phone down on his bedside table. Kurt wouldn't be around every second next year, so he needed to stop relying on Kurt's company so much. Kurt had better things to do than to text back and forth with Blaine all the time.
With a sigh of discontent, Blaine rolled over and stretched out on his bed to go to sleep.
BLAINE
"Hey," Blaine snuck up behind Kurt at his locker the next morning.
"Hey yourself," Kurt smiled at him.
"So... how was the music store?" Blaine offered lightly.
"It was great!" Kurt finished gathering his stuff and slammed his locker closed. "I'm still not sure about Music Of The Night, so I got a few other options. I'm gonna kill the audition."
"I can't possibly imagine any other scenario," Blaine agreed, happy to absorb some of Kurt's enthusiasm. Even the talk of NYADA didn't bother him so much.
They didn't talk much during glee practice, which started in the choir room before moving to the auditorium so that Brittany and Santana could show them the Whitney number they had been rehearsing with the Cheerios. Blaine felt better than he had felt all week as he danced along in his seat and felt Kurt's comfortable presence by his side.
"We should have a Being Bobby Brown marathon later this week," Kurt suggested when glee practice was over and they were standing by his locker so he could put a few of his books away.
"That sounds great," Blaine agreed.
Reality television was kind of their thing. Blaine loved curling up on Kurt's bed – and Kurt always made a tray of delicious food – and watching mindless shows together.
"Hello!" Rachel suddenly appeared from behind Blaine.
"We're going to my house to rehearse on the stage in my basement," Rachel explained happily as Blaine turned a curious glance in her direction.
"Want to come?" Kurt asked.
"Oh, no, that's okay," Blaine smiled, feeling genuinely happy that they had each other so that they could spend the afternoon talking about next year at NYADA. It was exciting, and he wanted Kurt to be able to talk about it without Blaine's uncertainty bringing him down.
Kurt jutted his lower lip out, and Blaine leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips.
"Have fun," he smiled.
He gave Rachel a brief hug, and then he escaped to his car before he changed his mind and decided to spend the afternoon with the New York-bound duo.
KURT
"...and we are definitely going on the ferry to the Statue of Liberty the first week we're in the city," Rachel said as she put away the microphone after a long afternoon of rehearsing with Kurt.
They had each sung four songs, and then they had discussed which one was best.
Rachel was down to Don't Rain On My Parade and On My Own, while Kurt was stuck trying to decide between Music of the Night, which he had been rehearsing for more than a month, and Dancing Through Life. He had considered Defying Gravity, but Rachel had reminded him that this wasn't the time to do something crazy. He needed to sing something that proved that he could play a leading male role. There would be plenty of time for reinterpreting roles and songs when he was at NYADA.
"Of course we are," Kurt agreed. "You know... maybe Blaine could come along, too."
"I think NYADA starts about a week before McKinley," Rachel agreed.
Kurt sat down on the edge of the little stage and thought about how amazing it would be to have Blaine with him in New York. Blaine had never been to the city before, and Kurt couldn't wait to show him things and to discover things together.
"You should go for your birthday," Rachel said.
"What?" Kurt asked, returning to reality from the fantasies in his head.
"Your birthday," Rachel repeated. "It's right after graduation, after all, so you'll both be free. And, really, what more could you ask for on your birthday than a city like New York and the boy you love?"
Kurt fell over backward to lie on the stage.
"You're a genius," he said dreamily.
"I know," Rachel agreed, sitting down on the stage near his head.
Kurt looked up at her, and they both dissolved into giggles.
"We're going to live in New York, Kurt," Rachel wiggled her shoulder happily.
"I get to decorate our dismally small, yet charming, kitchen," Kurt said seriously.
"Okay," Rachel agreed, smiling widely.
Kurt closed his eyes and imagined it. A tiny apartment. Their own space. A bunch of rundown furniture that he could paint and reupholster to look just right. A little kitchen and a little bathroom and a little closet that would somehow have to hold all of his clothes.
And, a year later, maybe it would hold Blaine's clothes, too.
They could actually live together.
The thought excited him so much that he had to sit up. He turned to look at Rachel, and he could tell that she was daydreaming about the future, too.
It was going to be everything that they had imagined. Kurt couldn't wait to conquer New York and NYADA with Rachel. Together they would be unstoppable.
BLAINE
After school the next day, Blaine went to Mike's house to hang out with Mike and Tina while Kurt went to Rachel's house again for another round of rehearsal.
"So, any idea what you're going to sing for Whitney week?" Blaine asked as they hung out in Mike's bedroom.
Tina shrugged, but Mike shoved her shoulder.
"She wants to do One Moment In Time," Mike told Blaine.
Blaine nodded enthusiastically. "That would be beautiful, Tina! You should definitely do it."
"You don't think Kurt's gonna sing that one?" Mike asked.
Blaine shrugged. "I don't think he's decided yet."
"Well, text him and ask him," Tina laughed. "I need to know if I can get my hopes up!"
Blaine pulled out his phone.
Have you decided what song you're doing for Whitney week yet?
The response came almost immediately.
I was thinking about One Moment In Time, but I haven't decided for sure. You?
"He's thinking about it," Blaine told Tina and Mike.
I'm not sure either, Blaine replied to Kurt.
Blaine knew that there was really nothing to send as a reply to his final message, but he was still a little disappointed when Kurt didn't text him back.
"Well," he said to Tina, "why don't you give us a preview of your song?"
"No, no..." Tina whined.
"I agree," Mike winked at her.
Tina pretended to be annoyed, but Blaine and Mike exchanged a knowing glance as Tina stood up. She wanted to sing the song for them.
"I want one moment in time when I'm more than I thought I could be. When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away. And the answers are all up to me. Give me one moment in time when I'm racing with destiny. Then in that one moment of time I will feel. I will feel eternity."
As Tina sang, Blaine forced himself not to let his mind wander. He was here, right now, with his friends. If he kept letting his uncertainty about the future with Kurt consume him, he would miss out on his life.
And he was overreacting, anyway. Kurt was going to New York, but they would be okay. They could handle it.
The two boys gave Tina a standing ovation when she finished, and she bowed and blew them kisses.
"You're amazing," Mike said, pulling her over to him for a sweet kiss.
"Thank you," Tina smiled.
"Do you ever wonder what next year is gonna be like?" Blaine asked before he could stop himself.
Tina and Mike turned to look at him.
"Sometimes," Tina admitted. "But this is the Twenty-First Century. Just because we're physically separated doesn't mean we're cut off from each other."
Blaine nodded.
"There's something kinda romantic about the idea of Skyping late into the night, don't you think?" Tina smiled, turning to Mike.
"Totally romantic," he agreed.
Blaine smiled as he watched them. They seemed so at ease with the idea.
He was definitely overreacting. He and Kurt would be fine. Blaine had managed to branch out a little – spending more time with their other friends and even spending more time with his friends from Dalton – and he would be okay for a year without Kurt. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, anyway, because it would only be a year after Kurt moved to New York before Blaine could move there too.
It was going to be okay.
KURT
The next morning, Kurt was dusting off the inside of his locker – specially decorated for Whitney week – when Rachel hurried over.
"Oh my god," she huffed, "I've been practicing Whitney's Houston's version of The Star Spangled Banner all night and I still can't sing it."
"You're just realizing this now?" Kurt admonished, "I'm surprised anyone's attempted it after she nailed it to the wall."
Kurt's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out to find a message from Chandler.
Do you have an eraser? Because I can't get you out of my mind.
"Ohhhh," Rachel cooed as she watched Kurt read the message, "I know what that is!" She tugged on Kurt's jacket. "Finn sends me cutsey text messages all the time. Usually they're puns about my boobs, but I still appreciate the effort."
"It's not from Blaine," Kurt admitted.
Rachel was more stunned than Kurt had anticipated. "Then who is it?" she asked.
"He's just a guy..." (Rachel made a disapproving sound, and Kurt ignored her) "...I met him at Between The Sheets. His name is Chandler. He's nice."
"And what did Mr. Between The Sheets say, then?" Rachel prodded.
"Nothing! We just joke around! It's sweet," Kurt informed her.
She looked unconvinced, so Kurt decided to share one of Chandler's recent messages.
"Okay, alright..." Kurt said. Rachel leaned in to hear him read one of Chandler's texts, "'Are you an astronaut? Because your smile is out of this world'."
Rachel snatched the phone out of his hands. "Are you kidding me?" She scolded. As she scrolled through Chandler's messages, she gasped dramatically.
"Kurt, you have been going at this with him for two days now?"
"It's nothing!" Kurt reiterated. "It's just fun; he makes me feel good."
Rachel looked incredulous. "Blaine is supposed to make you feel good," she informed him.
That was true. In the deepest depths of his soul, Kurt knew that he was coping with Blaine's recent lack of affection by allowing himself to be complimented by this almost-stranger. As Rachel stared at him, he decided to partially confess.
"You said that Finn sends you cute text messages every day," he told her.
Rachel nodded a confirmation.
"Does he compliment you?" Kurt asked, "Constantly try to get in your pants?"
"Yeah, he's an eighteen-year-old boy," Rachel stated, as if this had nothing to do with Kurt's texting with Chandler.
Kurt closed his locker and decided that if he couldn't be honest with Rachel, he couldn't be honest with anyone.
"Have you ever heard of 'lesbian bed death'?" he asked her.
"No."
"I read about it online," Kurt explained. "It's when two lesbians date for long enough... they become like sisters."
Rachel saw the problem with the idea.
"And Blaine and I are like an old married couple," Kurt admitted. "A fabulous old married couple, like Paul Newman and John Woodward, but... I don't think we've had an unscheduled make out session in like a month."
"You schedule make out sessions?" a hint of judgment crept into Rachel's voice, and Kurt squashed the urge to remind her that she had once made a relationship calendar for Finn.
"The point is," Kurt tried to clarify as they turned and started walking down the hallway, "I love Blaine and Blaine loves me. But he doesn't exactly make me blush with his texts right now. And what's the harm of someone making me feel special if it's all innocent?"
Rachel spun around in front of him and put out a hand to stop Kurt from continuing down the hallway.
"Okay," she said authoritatively, "would you show Blaine those text messages?"
"Of course not!" Kurt answered automatically.
"Well then, I guess it's not that innocent," Rachel stressed. She gave him a knowing look before she brushed by and walked away.
Kurt's phone buzzed, and he was a little bit relieved to find that it was a photo message from his father (of the fancy dinner he had eaten the night before – I hope you're proud of your old man for eating this!) rather than a message from Chandler.
As he continued down the hall to class, Kurt reminded himself that his texting with Chandler wasn't a huge deal. He was never going to do anything with another guy. He didn't want to do anything with anyone but Blaine. His texting with Chandler was just a silly thing that made him feel good.
He was allowed to have guy friends. Blaine had a bunch of guy friends.
And didn't people always say it was important not to let your partner be your whole world?
It wasn't a big deal, Kurt decided. Rachel was just being overly emotional. And why would he take relationship advice from Rachel, anyway?
BLAINE
"I've been waiting for the phone to ring all night. Why you wanna make me feel so good? I got a love of my own, baby. I shouldn't get so hung up on you."
As Rachel and Santana sang together, Blaine tried to concentrate on their performance rather than on Kurt, who wasn't paying any attention to the song in favor of his phone.
Movement caught Blaine's eye, and he turned to see Sam leaning over to look at whatever Kurt was seeing on his phone. Blaine's stomach twisted nervously. He wanted to ask. Or, he admitted reluctantly to himself, he wanted Kurt to want to show him.
He leaned over, hoping to distract Kurt from his phone.
"This could be a contender for Nationals, don't you think?" he offered.
Kurt's eyes barely flickered up. "Yeah, maybe."
Blaine sat back in his chair and tried to ignore the gnawing feeling that Kurt was doing something he didn't want Blaine to see.
But he knew Kurt well enough to know that, as Kurt giggled into his hand, something was going on.
He had never seen that look on Kurt's face before when he wasn't the one who put it there.
Blaine had noticed Kurt texting quite a bit on his phone over the past few days. But he was hardly texting Blaine at all. So, who was he texting?
It couldn't be one of their friends in New Directions, because sometimes he would text at lunch or, like now, during glee rehearsal. All their friends were in the room.
Blaine looked around, hoping to find that someone else had their phone out. But, other than Finn and Brittany, who were filming the performance on their phones, there wasn't a phone in sight other than Kurt's.
Blaine tried not to let his mind run away with him. Maybe there was an explanation.
But why hadn't Kurt talked to him about it? Kurt always told him about things that were going on in his life. They talked on the phone almost every night while Kurt did his moisturizing routine and Blaine got ready for bed.
Blaine knew that he shouldn't be surprised that Kurt wasn't texting him as much – Blaine had been making a conscious effort to emotionally distance himself from Kurt lately. But it still hurt. A lot.
Sam wasn't helping, either. He kept leaning over to look at Kurt's phone, and Kurt didn't stop him. But Kurt had made sure that Blaine couldn't see.
When the song was over, Blaine applauded, but all he wanted to do was go home. Mr. Schu made a few announcements, and as soon as he was done Blaine was out the door.
He didn't wait for Kurt. He didn't even stop at his locker – he was pretty sure he had everything he needed to do his homework – because he didn't want to chance running into Kurt.
When Blaine got home, he did his homework, sent an absurdly casual and generic email to Cooper, and blasted the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack (which he had rediscovered as a result of disco week) as cleaned his room until it was cleaner than it had been in years.
He stayed up until well after midnight, even though he had to get up early for school, so that he could just collapse into bed and fall asleep. He didn't want to think about what was happening. If he couldn't be in denial about Kurt leaving, he would be in denial about what Kurt was doing on his phone. It was probably just something silly, anyway, and, Blaine decided as he drifted off to sleep, he would probably feel silly later for worrying at all.
KURT
"Stop that! Stop!" Kurt smacked Sam's hand as the other boy reached across the counter to grab a piece of cheese from Kurt's tray. Sam laughed.
"Not sorry," he admitted as he popped the cheese into his mouth.
Kurt rolled his eyes and picked up the tray, shooting Sam a "stay away from me" glance before hurrying up the stairs.
"Okay, I've got the cheese plate..." he announced as he entered his bedroom, "our Being Bobby Brown marathon can officially begin!"
"Who's Chandler?"
Blaine looked so devastated as he glanced up at Kurt from his seat on the bed – Kurt's phone was clutched in his hand – that Kurt's mind couldn't quite process everything properly. He skipped feeling guilty and jumped straight to defensiveness.
"Why are you going through my phone?" Kurt dodged the question.
"I'm not going through your phone," Blaine clarified. "It's just that it keeps buzzing because Chandler won't stop texting you."
Kurt didn't know what to say.
"'When we go to New York, let's go to the front of The Plaza and reenact the end of The Way We Were'." Blaine read one of Chandler's most recent messages.
"Give me that," Kurt demanded, reaching for his phone.
Blaine ignored him and read the next message. "'Can you sing into my voicemail? I want to make your voice my ringtone'."
That one sounded so much worse when Blaine read it out loud than when Kurt had read it on his phone's screen.
"Give me my phone," Kurt insisted as Blaine got off the bed and shoved gently past him before turning to face him again. He still had Kurt's phone in his hand.
"There are literally dozens of texts between the two of you," Blaine accused. "Do you know how many times you've texted me in the past few days? Four. And three of them were about finding peach-colored shoe polish."
The rational part of Kurt understood why Blaine was upset. Kurt had allowed Chandler to occupy time that would've otherwise probably been spent texting or taking to Blaine. But the urge to be right and the knowledge that he had no ill intentions pushed him not to back down. "Why are you getting so upset?" he responded. "This is all innocent."
"This is cheating, Kurt," Blaine accused.
Cheating? Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. Cheating involved clandestine dates and sketchy motels and lies and a complete lack of morals. Cheating was not sending silly text messages. He would never cheat on Blaine.
"This is texting, okay?" Kurt retorted. "He is just a guy that I met at the music store. Nothing happened."
And Kurt couldn't believe Blaine was getting on his case for texting another guy when he had been friendly with Sebastian earlier in the year without Kurt's approval. "You used to text Sebastian all the time," Kurt reminded him. "You would call him, even."
"But I didn't like him," Blaine interrupted. "And all of those texts were family friendly."
BLAINE
Kurt sighed in aggravation, and Blaine felt physically ill. He had always imagined a worst-case scenario of them breaking up as a result of growing apart or if Kurt realized once he got to New York that he didn't want Blaine in his life anymore. He had never, in his wildest dreams, imagined that Kurt would cheat.
"You like this guy," Blaine accused, his voice cracking with emotion. He knew it was true; Kurt wouldn't flirt with some guy who he wasn't attracted to.
Kurt was silent for a moment, taking the opportunity to sit down on the edge of his bed, and the lack of an immediate denial made Blaine's chest ache.
"I like the way he makes me feel," Kurt admitted.
Blaine wanted to run away. Kurt was going to break up with him. Why had he ever thought that a long-distance relationship would be such a huge deal? He would rather be in a long-distance relationship with Kurt for the rest of his life than this.
"I mean, when was the last time that you complimented me?" Kurt accused. "Or told me how special I was?"
Kurt didn't think Blaine thought he was special? Kurt was the most special person in Blaine's entire life.
"I transferred schools to be with you," Blaine reminded Kurt as tears filled his eyes. "I– I changed my whole life! That doesn't make you feel loved?"
Kurt surprised him with his response. "You don't know what it's like being your boyfriend, okay?" Kurt explained. "You are the 'alpha gay'. Even Rachel wanted to make out with you!"
Blaine hated hearing that from Kurt. He knew what Kurt meant; it was the same reason Blaine's father was in a constant state of denial about Blaine's sexuality. Blaine wasn't Kurt. His voice was lower. He enjoyed many traditionally masculine activities. He was more traditionally handsome. Blaine admitted silently to himself that he had never really imagined what that must be like for Kurt.
He had never thought that it mattered. They loved each other. The opinions of the rest of the world didn't matter.
But they did. To Kurt.
Blaine felt like his chest was going to crack open as he realized that, somehow, he had made Kurt feel inferior just by existing.
"I used to get solos every week," Kurt continued, "and do you know how many times I've had to sit on a stool and watch you perform?"
Jealousy over solos was not a new conflict in their relationship. Blaine didn't care about solos.
"Then talk to me," Blaine pleaded. "Tell me that you're unhappy. But don't cheat on me."
"I feel like I have taken crazy pills!" Kurt exclaimed, jumping up off the bed. "I didn't cheat on you!"
Kurt snatched his phone out of Blaine's hand. "I'm really sorry if this made you upset," he said, "but it– it's okay."
The pain in Blaine's chest was suddenly overwhelmed by a surge of anger. Kurt was telling him to get over it. Like it was no big deal.
It was a big deal.
"It's not right," Blaine mocked as his brain quickly made the decision of what song he would sing for Whitney Houston week. "But it's okay."
Rejection washed over Blaine as the considered how easily Kurt had dismissed his feelings.
He needed to leave.
As Blaine turned toward the door, he made the mistake of casting his eyes down to a framed photo of him dancing with Kurt at Kurt's junior prom. Blaine's boutonnière was there too, and Kurt's prom queen crown and scepter.
It was the last thing in the world Blaine wanted to see. Every emotion he could imagine flowed through him, and he stormed out of the room. Kurt protested, but Blaine ignored him. As he slammed Kurt's bedroom door closed behind him and turned toward the stairs, he nearly collided with Sam. The blond-haired boy wouldn't meet his eyes, and Blaine felt an enraging rush of shame at the thought that Sam had probably overheard them arguing.
Blaine could feel the urge to release his frustration in a physical manner bubbling to the surface, so he ignored Sam completely and rushed down the stairs. He wasn't interested in anything but getting away before he said or did something he would regret. There was already enough regret coursing through his veins.
By the time he reached his car, Blaine felt as if his mind was short-circuiting. He paused briefly before he started the car, secretly hoping that Kurt would come rushing out to try to stop him from leaving, but there was no sound or other indication that Kurt had even left his bedroom. With a huff of frustration, Blaine tried to ignore the pain in his chest and let his anger at Kurt's betrayal fill him completely as his car roared to life.
The drive home was completely forgotten as soon as he reached his house. He couldn't even remember if he had turned on the radio.
His parents barely looked up from the television as he came in, and he restrained himself just enough not to slam the door and draw their attention.
When he made it to his room without incident and managed not to slam that door, he turned to look at his tidy space. His eyes fell on Kurt's photograph on his nightstand. Without thinking, he rushed over, grabbed the frame, and flung it with all his might across the room and through the open door into his closet. It thudded dully against the wall, padded by some of his hanging clothes, before crashing to the ground.
The physical release felt so satisfying that Blaine pulled his shirt off as fast as he could, grabbed his boxing gloves, and hurried past his distracted parents again to the garage.
As he attacked the punching bag that his father had installed in a corner of the garage – probably, Blaine thought, because the idea of his gay son doing something so traditionally masculine had given him a glimmer of hope for Blaine's future – Blaine tried unsuccessfully to stop his mind from getting carried away.
He thought about Chandler's text. "When we get to New York..."
That was something he and Kurt did together all the time. When we get to New York, let's buy soft pretzels at one of those little stands and eat them in Central Park. When we get to New York, let's do all the touristy things like taking the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and going to the top of the Empire State Building and gaping at Times Square at night. When we get to New York, let's get all dressed up and go see a Broadway show together.
The fact that Kurt and this other guy were also making plans – plans that had no reason to involve Blaine – made him feel crazy with jealousy and heartache. He had never even considered that Kurt was making those kinds of plans with anyone other than him and Rachel. The betrayal was devastating.
Blaine boxed until he was so physically exhausted that he knew he would not lie awake in bed for long. After a quick shower, he turned off his phone and collapsed into bed for an uneasy night of sleep.
KURT
As Blaine whirled around and stormed out of the room, Kurt jumped off the bed.
"Blaine!" he called. "Wait, Blaine!"
But Blaine slammed the door and Kurt's pride flared inside him. He would not chase Blaine and beg his forgiveness for typing words into his phone to some guy with whom he would never in a thousand years be intimate.
Tossing his phone onto his bed, Kurt sank back down to sit on the edge of the bed and tugged at his clothes in frustration. He heard the front door close, and he groaned in frustration.
The last time they had fought, outside of Scandals, Blaine had stormed off. And things had been a little weird for a few days, but they had eventually talked it out.
But that was a fight caused by a little too much alcohol and a disagreement that was relatively simple to resolve once they got over the initial emotions of the situation.
What was this?
"At least I don't have to worry about him driving home this time," Kurt mumbled to himself as he stood up to change into his pajamas.
He could understand why Blaine was upset. Kurt had been upset when Blaine had been texting with Sebastian earlier in the school year. But that had been nothing in terms of their relationship. And this was nothing. Kurt had been overreacting then, and Blaine was overreacting now.
The cheese plate he had brought up for their television marathon caught Kurt's eye, and he picked it up and carried it downstairs to put it in the refrigerator.
"You can eat this if you want to," Kurt called casually in the direction of the living room.
"At least someone should have a good evening," he added to himself as he stomped back up the stairs to his bedroom.
As he worked on his evening moisturizing routine, Kurt decided not to worry too much. Blaine was upset. Blaine was more upset than Kurt had ever seen him. But they would work it out. They had to work it out.
KURT
"How's the Whitney assignment going, everyone?" Mr. Schu asked brightly as he entered the room to begin glee club the following afternoon. "Anyone got something for us today?"
To Kurt's surprise, Blaine stood up.
They hadn't interacted all day. Kurt had hoped to see Blaine at lunch – maybe talking about frivolous things with their friends like nothing was going on would help – but Blaine hadn't been there. Kurt wasn't sure where the other boy had gone.
And Kurt had no idea that Blaine had chosen a song for the week.
A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that maybe Blaine would have told him about it if they hadn't had such a huge fight the night before.
"Alright," Mr. Schu nodded approvingly as he took a seat among the students, "show us what you've got, Blaine."
"This song is for anyone that's ever been cheated on," Blaine said as he walked to the front of the room.
Many of their fellow students turned surprised eyes on Kurt, and he could not believe this was happening.
"This is insane. I didn't cheat on you!" he said. He was shocked that Blaine was calling him out so publicly.
Blaine ignored him.
"Friday night you and your boys went out to eat. Then they hung out, but you came home around three. Yes, you did. If six of y'all went out, then four of you were really cheap. 'Cause only two of you had dinner. I found your credit card receipt."
As Blaine sang, he was not shy about looking at Kurt. Kurt could see a horrible mix of anger and pain in Blaine's facial expressions and body language, and he felt horribly guilty. He had never meant to hurt Blaine like this.
But, at the same time, he knew he was right. He hadn't cheated. Texting wasn't cheating.
"It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Close the door behind you. Leave your key. I'd rather be alone than unhappy!"
The longer the song went on, the more uncomfortable Kurt felt. Did Blaine want to break up?
As soon as the song ended, Blaine turned quickly to leave the room. But not before Kurt saw his face. Without the anger of the song, all that was left on Blaine's face was devastation.
"Snap," Santana commented, but Kurt didn't have the energy to chide her for her commentary as he watched Blaine storm out of the room.
Kurt wasn't sure how much time elapsed before someone else spoke.
"Is everything okay, Kurt?" Mr. Schu asked.
Kurt didn't want to talk about it. Especially with Mr. Schuester. He just waved a dismissive hand and didn't say anything.
"Doesn't seem like it," Santana commented.
"Shut up, Santana," Rachel snapped.
They continued to bicker – Rachel taking Kurt's "side" and Santana defending Blaine even though neither of them knew what was going on – but Kurt didn't hear them. He wondered where Blaine had gone.
How were they going to work things out now?
BLAINE
Blaine went straight home.
As soon as he reached his bedroom, he sank to the floor at the end of his bed and had a meltdown.
He sobbed out all of the emotions that had been trapped inside of him over the past few months. The anxiety about Kurt leaving. The fears he had about his senior year at McKinley. The pain of deciding to pull away from Kurt when all he really wanted to do was spend every second of every day with Kurt. The betrayal of Kurt secretly flirting with another guy. The devastation of hearing Kurt say that he wasn't sure if Blaine still loved him as much as he used to.
This was all so new. Feeling so betrayed by the boy he loved.
When his tears finally dried up, Blaine did feel a little better.
They hadn't spoken since their argument. Maybe, with a little time, things would cool off and they could talk about it. They always talked about things.
As Blaine let his gaze wander around his room, he suddenly remembered the photograph of Kurt he had hurled into his closet the night before. He climbed to his feet and went to retrieve it.
The glass was broken, which Blaine had expected. What he hadn't expected was that one of the shards of glass had ripped the actual photograph.
Blaine shook the rest of the broken glass out of the frame onto the floor – making a mental note to get the vacuum and clean it up soon before he forgot about it and sliced his feet up one morning trying to find something to wear – and rushed back into his bedroom with the photograph and the empty frame. He gently pulled the photo out of the frame so he could examine the damage. It wasn't terrible. The photo was ripped across one of Kurt's arms.
"I'm sorry," Blaine mumbled miserably as he tried to align the tear so it wasn't so noticeable.
He found some tape so he could tape the ripped area on the back so it would stay together and he put the photograph back in the frame.
It felt good to put the photo back where it belonged on his nightstand.
He wasn't going to just give up on Kurt. He still wanted the other boy in his life. As his boyfriend. They would get thought this, somehow. Because the alternative was unacceptable.
KURT
Kurt went home that evening and went to work deciding which things he wanted to take to New York. Reminding himself that he had a big adventure waiting for him in the city helped to dull the pain of his fight with Blaine. It was a nice distraction.
He had transitioned from feeling incredulous to feeling hurt, and now he was feeling fatalistic. His pride was pushing his other emotions aside again, reminding him that he hadn't cheated.
"Hey, what's up?" his dad interrupted his silent moping. "What's with all the stickers?"
Kurt had chosen a color-coded Post-it note system.
"I'm triaging all my things for my departure to New York," Kurt explained. "Pink is for 'stay', blue is for 'go', red is for 'trash', and green is for 'humidity-controlled storage to keep in mint condition'. To sell as memorabilia after I get famous."
"Well, what if I wanna keep some of this stuff?" Burt asked, picking up Kurt's scepter from prom the year before.
"You can go through my leftovers," Kurt allowed.
"You're not taking this with you?" Burt asked, pointing at the framed photo of Kurt and Blaine dancing together at prom.
Kurt sighed heavily. He didn't want to leave it behind.
"Blaine and I are on the rocks," he said, trying not to give away too much to his father. "I honestly don't know what's up with him. But, with that said, I do reserve the right to re-Post-it later."
He leaned over to put a red Post-it note on a framed certificate on one of his shelves.
"Hey! Hey, what're you doing? This isn't garbage!" his father protested.
"Dad, it's a certificate of participation for Regionals," Kurt said. "The one that we lost. Come on, we have to be heartless about this stuff. You've seen hoarders; this is how it starts."
"I– I'd like to keep it," Burt said, pulling the red Post-it note off.
"Dad, don't be sentimental on me," Kurt whined.
"Well no, screw that, we haven't been gettin' sentimental enough, okay?" Burt replied as Kurt sat down on the edge of his bed. "The both of us, we've been way too casual about this. Do you realize that we haven't had our Friday night dinner for three weeks?"
"You've been in DC," Kurt reminded him.
"Yeah, you think I couldn't get an earlier flight?" Burt said. "Most of the other Congressmen are gone on Thursday night."
So his father had canceled their Friday night dinners on purpose.
"Okay, I don't get it," Kurt admitted. "So why have you been skipping dinners?"
"Because I don't want you to go!"
Kurt's heart clenched tightly as his father confessed that he didn't want Kurt to leave for New York. Kurt was trying not to think too much about how strongly he would miss anyone or anything in Ohio. He wanted to be in denial. He wanted to go to New York. Worrying about how much he would miss his friends and family only got in the way of that dream.
His father put the framed certificate back on the shelf and looked at it for a moment.
"Ya'know, you and me, we've been doing this dance for over a decade," Burt continued. "You know, Starsky and gay Hutch. Everybody warned me that, when you were eight and you were bugging the crap outta me, that one day I'd be begging for you to wake me up at 4am with a nightmare or, you know, wreck the kitchen playing restaurant."
"I was nine," Kurt remembered. "Who knew paella was going to be so complicated?"
They both smiled at the memory.
"So you've been skipping dinners because you're sad there's not going to be any more dinners?" Kurt returned to the topic at hand. "I'm confused."
"You don't get it yet," Burt replied. "You know, I know you got a taste of it when you lost your mom, but it's just like... the older you get, you just see. It just, none of it lasts."
Kurt tried, unsuccessfully, not to think about Blaine.
"Yes," his father continued, "you and I will always love each other. And you and I will always be there for each other. But, you know, as soon as you walk out our door towards New York... everything's gonna change. And it won't change back. Not to the way it is now."
Kurt thought about his relationships. His father. Carole. Finn. Even Sam, who had somehow become like a third brother.
And Blaine.
How would things change for him and Blaine? Had they irreversibly changed already?
"Listen, I am so happy for you, Kurt," Burt said firmly. "Really. I am so happy and I am so proud. You know, you and me, we, uh, we made each other men."
"Yeah," Kurt breathed, thinking of all the things the two of them had been through together. The great times. The not-so-great times. He was so grateful to have a father like Burt in his corner.
"Just, sometimes, I just– I just want my sweet little boy back," Burt admitted.
Kurt saw tears in his father's eyes, and he felt the sting of his own tears.
"I'm gonna miss you, Kurt," Burt said. "A lot."
Kurt stood up.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Dad," he said, reaching out to hug his father.
"Your mom would be so proud of you," Burt said as they stepped back from the hug.
A lump formed in Kurt's throat, and he couldn't answer. So, he settled for nodding and hoped that the tears in his eyes said it all.
"We're having Friday night dinners," his father said, getting himself together, "every Friday between now and when you head off to the big city."
"I'd like that," Kurt admitted.
"I love you, Kurt," Burt said, glancing around the room. "Let me know if you, uh, need any help with this."
"I love you too, Dad," Kurt said.
They looked at each other for a moment, and Kurt was glad they had talked.
"Well, I'll... I'll leave you to it," Burt said.
As his dad left the room, Kurt's gaze fell on the photograph of him and Blaine at prom the year before.
Blaine.
The two of them had been through a number of changes already. From friends and classmates at Dalton to boyfriends at different schools to boyfriends at the same school. Kurt thought about what New York would mean for them. He had always assumed, mostly because Blaine had once told him so, that Blaine wanted to go to New York too. Kurt had a secret plan in his mind to find a way to fly home and surprise Blaine one day around the time when college applications were due so they could do Blaine's applications together. The way they had done Kurt's NYADA application together.
But lately Blaine's usual warmth and affection had started to fade away. And Kurt hated how insecure it made him feel when he wasn't absolutely sure that Blaine wanted him.
He couldn't imagine his future without Blaine.
BLAINE
"Mr. Schu?" Kurt raised his hand as soon as glee practice began the following afternoon. "If I may?"
"Sure, Kurt," Mr. Schu allowed, motioning for Kurt to come to the front of the room.
As Kurt found a microphone and shooed Mr. Schu to a seat, Blaine wondered what Kurt was going to sing.
Kurt didn't preface the performance with an explanation. He just stepped up to the microphone and motioned for the band to begin.
"Share my life. Take me for what I am. 'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you. Take my love. I'll never ask for too much. Just all that you are and everything that you do."
Mike twisted around to look at Blaine, and Blaine challenged him with a silent gesture. Blaine wasn't interested in pity from his friends.
Mike turned back around. But Blaine knew that everyone in the room wanted to look at him, too. He had gone out of his way not to interact with the other members of New Directions if at all possible since his argument with Kurt, but his song and the way that he and Kurt had been actively not talking was all that their friends needed to know that something major had happened between them.
Blaine didn't care what any of them thought. He just wanted to work things out with Kurt.
"I don't really need to look very much further. I don't want to have to go where you don't follow."
This was Kurt's apology.
Blaine knew that Kurt still loved him. And he loved Kurt so much that sometimes he felt overwhelmed. Everything about Kurt was that much more emotional because he cared so much.
Kurt didn't want them to break up either. That was a relief, but Blaine still wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't just forget Chandler. He was still reeling from the betrayal.
"Don't you dare walk away from me! I have nothing. Nothing. Nothing. If I don't have you."
As the song ended, Blaine clapped his hands a few times, hoping that Kurt would understand that he appreciated the sentiment. He knew that Kurt would see the tears in his eyes.
He felt horribly conflicted. Take me for what I am. 'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you. Kurt was not convinced that his flirty text messages with Chandler were anything but innocent. Blaine's heart ached that Kurt couldn't empathize with how unwanted it made him feel to watch Kurt's face light up due to someone else's compliments.
He knew that he hadn't been as affectionate as he usually was toward Kurt in the past few weeks. He had done it on purpose. Trying to prepare himself for losing Kurt to New York at the end of the summer.
His plan had backfired. Instead of making things easier, he had pushed Kurt to another guy. And Kurt had wanted attention so badly that he had convinced himself that flirting with this other guy was okay.
Kurt returned to his seat, and Blaine made sure not to make eye contact with anyone.
"Thank you, Kurt," Mr. Schu said, moving to the front of the room.
The rest of the rehearsal passed in a blur for Blaine, and when it was over he trudged silently to his locker to put away some of his books.
"Hey."
His head snapped around at the sound of Kurt's voice, and Kurt was standing right beside him.
"Hey," Blaine said softly.
"Your song was beautiful," Blaine added after a short pause.
"Thanks," Kurt said, looking hopeful.
"I –"
Blaine was interrupted by the sound of Kurt's phone buzzing in his pocket, and the moment was gone.
"See you tomorrow," Blaine said briskly, gently closing his locker and turning away.
"Wait, Blaine..." Kurt protested.
Blaine turned back around to face him.
"I'm not..." he felt tears rushing into his eyes, and he just waved his hands vaguely.
"Okay," Kurt said softly.
Blaine turned and walked away. He wasn't ready yet. He wanted to be ready, but he wasn't.
He was glad that Kurt had spoken to him, though. It reminded him that they were still them. Kurt was still the boy he loved. There was still hope for them as a couple.
BLAINE
The next morning, Blaine was walking down the hall, completely lost in thought, when someone called his name.
"Blaine?"
Blaine turned, surprised, to see Ms. Pillsbury standing near the door of her office with Kurt by her side.
"Could you come into my office for a minute, please?" Ms. Pillsbury asked kindly.
Blaine's eyes flickered to Kurt. What was going on?
Without a verbal acknowledgement, he readjusted the shoulder strap on his bag and followed them into the small office. As he sat down and put his bag on the ground beside the chair, Ms. Pillsbury was just staring at him. And Kurt wasn't saying anything either.
Blaine knew what this was about.
"I'm a little confused as to what we're doing here," Blaine started the conversation, trying not to sound too irritated.
"Well, Kurt said that you two might need a little couples' counseling," Ms. Pillsbury offered.
Blaine turned to look at Kurt, who didn't look at all bothered that he had pulled Blaine in for this 'counseling' session without asking him about it first.
"Are you qualified for that?" he asked, wary of accepting advice from a woman he barely knew. He wasn't sure he was ready for this conversation at all, much less in front of a teacher with no experience in this kind of situation.
"Not really," Emma admitted. "Or at all. But Sam and Mercedes came to talk to me and, you know, I think they found it pretty helpful."
"Yeah... I'm pretty sure they broke up," Blaine said sourly.
"Gosh, they seemed like such a good fit, too, right?" Ms. Pillsbury brushed it off. Her eyes flashed from Blaine to Kurt and back again, and she changed the subject.
"Brutal honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship," she said with authority. "I want you to feel like this is a safe space for you to air your differences."
Blaine's first instinct was not to spill his innermost feelings just to placate a teacher. But, in the back of his mind, he knew that Kurt had requested this. Maybe Kurt wanted someone else there to mediate.
If Kurt wanted them to have an honest conversation, he'd give him an honest conversation. He wasn't going to let his pride get in the way of talking about what was going on.
"Okay," he started. "Well, uh, first. Kurt has been texting this guy. And I got really upset." As Kurt sighed in frustration, Blaine knew he had to be really honest if this was going to work at all, so he amended with "Although, a while back, I was sort of doing the same thing. But it was –"
"With a guy who almost blinded him," Kurt interrupted.
Blaine didn't argue. It hadn't been the same situation with Sebastian. But Blaine knew that he had disregarded Kurt's feelings about the matter. Blaine hadn't seen anything wrong with being friends with the Warbler, but Kurt had. And Blaine hadn't always been open to Kurt's opinions on the matter. So, in that sense, he could see where Kurt was coming from.
"Blaine, I sang you a song to express my regrets," Kurt said.
Anger and bitterness clawed their way into Blaine's mind. Kurt was still acting like this was no big deal. As if repeatedly flirting with another guy behind Blaine's back was as silly as if he hadn't cleaned up his dishes after dinner. Blaine felt a swell of resentment, and he decided to show Kurt what little grievances were.
"Okay, if we're here to be brutally honest," Blaine said, "there are a few things that I'd like to change."
"I'm actively listening," Kurt said unemotionally, and as Blaine noticed Ms. Pillsbury wink at Kurt he realized that they had talked about this before he had arrived. They were ganging up on him.
"Well, for starters, Kurt has a tendency to snap his fingers at wait staff," Blaine explained. He turned to look at Kurt and snapped his fingers as he spoke. "The cheesecake's on its way, Kurt, you don't have to snap your fingers. It's not gonna make it come any faster."
"Okay, I hear you and that's something I'm willing to work on," Kurt poured out. Blaine could feel himself starting to lose control of his words, so he said the first thing that came to his mind.
"But also? Please stop slipping bronzer into my moisturizer."
"You look good with a little color," Kurt countered.
"I only use lotion on my hands!" Blaine couldn't believe they were having this discussion, even though he had started it. "It looks weird if a person just has tan hands!"
For the first time since the conversation had started, Blaine was glad Ms. Pillsbury was there as she interrupted. "Okay, Kurt, wouldn't you love Blaine just as much if he didn't have tan hands?"
This was ridiculous. Blaine was angry with Kurt for being too proud to admit that texting Chandler wasn't right – he knew that Kurt knew it was wrong – but Blaine wasn't being absolutely honest either.
If he really loved Kurt, he needed to tell the whole truth. This wasn't just Kurt's fault.
"And while we're being perfectly honest," Blaine said, letting his mouth spew out the words without really thinking so he wouldn't censor himself, "I don't like that, with every conversation, we end up always talking about NYADA."
That got Kurt's attention. Blaine steeled himself for an argument. "What song you're gonna sing," he elaborated, "What outfit you're gonna wear to your callback. How amazing New York is."
Kurt wasn't happy about this turn in the conversation, but Blaine forgot that Ms. Pillsbury was in the room as his resentment rapidly faded away into sorrow and he couldn't stop talking.
"And it's like New York is the only thing we talk about now, Kurt," he admitted, his voice going high with emotion, "And it's like..."
This was it. The last moment to back out and just say something else. But he saw a glimmer of realization in Kurt's eyes, and he knew this should've happened weeks ago.
"It's like you can't even wait to get out of here," Blaine accused. "How's that supposed to make me feel?"
Kurt hadn't thought about that before. Blaine could tell. Blaine understood; Kurt was so wrapped up in his excitement about his NYADA audition that he had allowed it to consume him. But Blaine wasn't sure if maybe Kurt also wanted a clean break. A clean break from his old life.
"In a few months," Blaine continued, "you're gonna be gone. With this brand new life, and these brand new friends, and this brand new everything. And I'm gonna be right here. By myself."
He had never admitted this to anyone before. But he had thought about it almost every night for a month. He had thought about it so much that he had decided to pull away. To see if he could lessen the eventual pain of Kurt leaving by letting things fade away instead of snapping off at the end of the summer.
He knew that his distance had been hard on Kurt. It was hard on him. All he ever wanted to do was hold Kurt's hand. Or sit so close to him in Glee club that their elbows would brush against each other from time-to-time. Or kiss him good morning in the parking lot before school when it was so early that there weren't many other students around. But he had stopped doing those things, and Kurt had definitely noticed. It had strained their relationship.
"You're right," Blaine confessed. "I have been distant. And I'm sorry. But I'm just... I'm trying to practice what life is gonna be like... without you."
The look on Kurt's face made his chest constrict with fondness. Kurt still loved him.
"You are the love of my life, Kurt," Blaine explained. "And I'm pissed off that I have to learn, over the next year, what being alone is going to be like."
KURT
Kurt was stunned by Blaine's confession. He had thought about the physical distance that they would find between them when Kurt moved to New York. The long-distance relationship would be difficult, but not a deal-breaker. He had always planned to be in contact with Blaine all the time. To hold on to Blaine with all his might.
He had never considered that Blaine might be worried that his enthusiasm about leaving Ohio was also enthusiasm about leaving Blaine. That thought had never even crossed Kurt's mind.
"But you're not gonna be alone," Kurt leaned over to get as close to Blaine as he dared in front of Ms. Pillsbury. "I'm gonna Skype you every day, and you're gonna come visit me in New York every weekend as far as I'm concerned."
Kurt felt severely unhappy with himself that he hadn't thought to express this sentiment sooner. He had just assumed that Blaine knew.
"But I promise," Kurt continued, "you aren't going to lose me."
BLAINE
"I love you so much," Blaine said, overwhelmed by relief.
He felt like he was going to explode with happiness when Kurt immediately said it back to him.
"I love you too."
Kurt closed the gap between them and wrapped Blaine into a tight hug.
Blaine closed his eyes and soaked in the moment. They were okay. They still loved each other and they still had a future together.
"Well, that's lovely," Ms. Pillsbury announced, sounding incredibly pleased. She continued to talk, but Blaine's mind drowned her out in favor of listening to Kurt's breathing and relishing the feeling of Kurt's arms hugging him close.
When they finally released each other, Kurt reached out, cupped Blaine's face in his hands, and pressed their lips together. It was gentle and sweet, and it filled Blaine with hope. It felt so natural and easy, even with a flustered guidance counselor sitting on the other side of the desk.
Blaine protested almost involuntarily as Kurt pulled away, so Kurt swept in and kissed him again, this time more lighthearted and teasing. Blaine could feel Kurt smiling against his lips.
"Okay!" Ms. Pillsbury said rapidly, and loudly enough to ensure that they noticed her. "Well, I think this was wonderful progress, don't you think?"
Kurt settled back into his chair, but he let one of his hands fall into Blaine's lap so they could hold hands. Blaine squeezed his hand tightly. They still needed to talk it out more, but this was a start. Kurt still wanted him. And admitting that he had been pulling away in anticipation of their upcoming separation felt like a weight had been lifted off of Blaine's shoulders.
"Thanks, Ms. Pillsbury," Blaine gushed, feeling genuinely grateful that she had pulled them into her office to talk and that she hadn't interrupted as he poured his heart out.
Kurt stood up, pulling Blaine to his feet by their clasped hands, and dragged him out of the room without another word. Blaine barely heard Ms. Pillsbury's "Come back any time, boys!" as the door closed behind them.
Blaine didn't even care where they were going as long as they were together, but when Kurt reached the door to the parking lot and didn't stop, Blaine had to ask.
"Kurt, wha–?"
"We're skipping," Kurt explained. He turned his head to look at Blaine as Blaine opened his mouth to protest.
"It's not a question," Kurt said firmly.
Blaine felt weak with relief and joy that they had survived their first real fight that he didn't even argue. He just wanted to go somewhere and touch and kiss and love Kurt until the end of time.
Kurt seemed to have the same idea, because they climbed into Kurt's car and he drove straight to his house.
KURT
One of them kicked Kurt's bedroom door closed behind them as they entered the room, and for a moment they paused to look at each other.
Blaine's eyes suddenly flickered to their surroundings, and Kurt realized that the colorful Post-it notes were still all over his things. Much to Kurt's relief, Blaine's back was to the photo of them at prom. Kurt stepped forward, wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist, and snatched the pink Post-it note off the frame. It fluttered to the ground, and Kurt resisted the urge to go right then and get a blue Post-it note for the frame.
"I've been organizing," he explained, answering Blaine's silent question.
"Huh," Blaine acknowledged, no longer looking at anything but Kurt's face. He was so close that Kurt could smell the familiar scent of his breath.
"I missed you," Kurt admitted.
Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's neck and kissed him fiercely.
They hadn't kissed like this in weeks. Kurt could hardly even remember the last time a kiss from Blaine had made him feel so amazing. He forgot about everyone else and everything else, and suddenly it felt as if he and Blaine were the only two people in the universe.
"Let's never fight again," Blaine suggested as they stumbled over to climb onto Kurt's bed.
"Okay," Kurt agreed.
Kurt didn't know how much time passed between that moment and the next time he felt coherent enough to speak again, but everything was so full of love and desire that they didn't really need words anyway.
He was pretty sure he had fallen asleep when it was all over, though, because suddenly he was lying on his back and Blaine was sitting on the bed just watching him.
"You didn't sleep for very long," Blaine smiled at him, anticipating Kurt's question.
Kurt returned the smile.
"I love you," he reminded Blaine.
"I love you too," Blaine replied happily.
BLAINE
They looked at each other for a moment, and Blaine tried to re-memorize every feature of Kurt's face.
"I'm so glad you forced us into Ms. Pillsbury's office," Blaine admitted. "I didn't want to."
"I know," Kurt admitted. "I didn't really want to either. But I didn't know what to do. And I didn't– I wanted someone else there."
"Good," Blaine said seriously. "I don't care why you did it. I just hated fighting. So much."
Kurt reached out, asking Blaine to lie back down beside him, and Blaine was happy to obey. He propped his head up on one arm so he could still see Kurt's face as he settled down beside him.
Kurt broke the brief silence with a little laugh.
"At least now I know you are such a drama queen," Kurt giggled.
Blaine scrunched his nose, both in disagreement and curiosity.
"It's not right, but it's okay..." Kurt sang nonchalantly.
"Shut up," Blaine smacked Kurt's chest, embarrassed.
Kurt tried to reign in his giggling, but only partially succeeded. "I appreciate the drama," he managed.
Blaine shifted so he could kiss Kurt's cheek briefly before he sat up.
"Let's get dressed," he suggested. "We should talk."
KURT
Once they were both dressed again, they made coffee – "not as good as the Lima Bean," Kurt apologized – and returned to Kurt's room to cuddle on the bed.
They apologized and explained themselves and teased each other and cried a little, and by the time they were finished Kurt was more confident than ever that they were together for the long haul.
"There's one thing that really bothered me about what you said, though," Blaine said as their conversation drew to a close. "About yourself."
"Yeah?" Kurt asked, drinking the final sip of his coffee.
"The whole thing about not being the 'alpha gay'," Blaine said.
Kurt shook his head.
"Sorry about that," he said. "I was freaking out. It's just... it's just me and my insecurity, okay?"
"Hey," Blaine said, reaching out to tip Kurt's chin up so Kurt had to look at him. "You're perfect."
"Oh, no," Kurt smiled, "it's okay. You don't have to –"
"I'm serious, Kurt," Blaine stressed, releasing Kurt's chin so he could scoot closer to him. "You're exceptional."
"I know," Kurt teased, leaning over to kiss him. Blaine laughed softly.
"And I think you're pretty spectacular, yourself," Kurt added.
"Thank you," Blaine smiled.
Kurt kissed him again before settling down to rest his head on Blaine's shoulder.
Things were back to normal. Or maybe even a little bit better than normal. Kurt was proud of them. They had gotten over their initial flood of emotions and had talked about it. And they had come out the other side stronger and more in love than ever.
Kurt couldn't wait for glee practice the next afternoon. The song they were singing was a perfect ending to the week.
KURT
The next afternoon, Kurt was closing his locker after dropping off all of his things before glee club when Blaine approached.
"I love your jauntily-placed cap," Blaine complimented as he approached Kurt at his locker. "Like a Russian czar."
Kurt smiled. Blaine was going out of his way to compliment Kurt after what had happened, and Kurt found it incredibly endearing. They were both making an effort to be more affectionate since their fight... in some ways, it had renewed their relationship, and Kurt was grateful for that.
Kurt's phone buzzed, and both he and Blaine glanced down at it in Kurt's pocket.
Kurt sighed. "It's not Chandler, I swear. I told him not to text me anymore."
He had been surprised at how easy it was to ask Chandler not to send him flirty texts. He had just been honest. He had a boyfriend, and nothing that he and Chandler could possibly talk about was even half as important as Blaine. Chandler had been disappointed, but he had agreed. No more texting.
"I know," Blaine said as Kurt pulled out his phone to look at the message. "It's from me."
I cleaned out my car last night, so there's plenty of room for both of us in the back seat...
Kurt glanced up at Blaine, pleasantly surprised at the offer. "How unscheduled of you," he teased.
Blaine shrugged, and Kurt wanted to step forward and kiss him right there in the hallway. But he resisted.
"But what about glee practice?" Kurt remembered.
"No one will be there," Blaine said. "Mr. Schu said it wasn't mandatory. So, Rachel's working on her NYADA piece, Finn's at the shop, Quinn's getting physical therapy, Puck's driving to Gomer for a sale on chlorine... everyone is going their own way."
Blaine had definitely thought about it quite a bit.
"Come on, let's blow it off," Blaine urged.
"But it's glee," Kurt said, trying to convince both Blaine and himself. "I mean, we only have so many left together."
Blaine silently acquiesced, but Kurt could see in his eyes that he wasn't going to forget his offer after glee practice.
They wrapped their arms around each other as they walked, not caring who saw. Kurt wanted everyone to see. Their reconciliation had reinforced his confidence in his relationship with Blaine, and he was tired of having to downplay that confidence because some of his classmates were small-minded.
"No bow tie today?" Kurt teased as they walked, noticing Blaine's casual ensemble.
To his surprise, Blaine turned a serious gaze on him as they walked.
"I think I changed too drastically," Blaine admitted. "I was so excited to come here and find my way in this new place... and I really have loved letting you help pick out my clothes. I love the bowties."
"But...?" Kurt smiled.
"But I need to find a balance," Blaine said.
"The old you and the new you," Kurt understood.
Blaine smiled. "Yeah," he agreed.
"Well," Kurt stopped and released Blaine so he could step back a little and pretend to examine Blaine's outfit with a critical eye, "I think you've done a fine job."
Blaine stepped forward and kissed him briefly.
"I'm going to thank you for that later," he whispered as he stepped away.
Kurt's mouth fell open and he glanced around, ready to scold Blaine for saying something so forward in public, but somehow the words tangled up in his mouth and he just giggled instead.
They heard the music starting in the auditorium – at least one or two other people had decided to stay for glee club – and Kurt could tell that Blaine was excited to get in there and sing with their friends.
"Let's go," Kurt suggested, motioning with his hands toward the auditorium.
Just before Blaine swept the curtain aside so they could step into the large room, Kurt grabbed his arm.
"Thanks," he said, thinking of how many times he had dreamt of this very moment. Getting to sing with Blaine in glee club. In New Directions. Together. Blaine had sacrificed a lot to come here, and Kurt never wanted Blaine to feel like he took that for granted ever again.
"These aren't just your friends now, Kurt," Blaine smiled as he pushed the curtain back and they stepped into the auditorium.
Blaine had been wrong. The other students didn't blow off the non-mandatory rehearsal. Even Puck, who was the king of skipping if he could manage it, was there.
"Your love is my love and my love is your love. It would take an eternity to break us. And the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us."
Blaine sat down on the piano bench and motioned for Kurt to sit with him. Instead, Kurt hopped on top of the piano, earning him a huge smile from Blaine.
BLAINE
As they sang with their friends, Blaine felt better about the future than he had felt in quite some time.
It had been a wild school year so far. Leaving Dalton. Finding his place in New Directions. Sebastian. West Side Story. His first time with Kurt. Winning Sectionals. His first Christmas together with Kurt. His eye injury and subsequent surgery. Winning Regionals. Fighting and making up with Kurt.
It had all been worth it, he decided as they sang. He belonged here now. And not just because Kurt was with him. He had found a new group of friends in New Directions.
"'Cause your love is my love and my love is your love..."
What an emotional roller coaster, right? Whew! I absolutely love this episode and the argument between Kurt and Blaine. It's so real. It was a situation where things weren't completely black and white, and both of them were a little bit to blame for things getting out of hand. And then they got upset and they fought, but they found a way to apologize and move forward. Because they love each other so much. I just love the way they worked things out. They're in it for the long haul, folks.
And am I the only one who thinks that Blaine has a thing for making out in the back seat of his or Kurt's car? I think, somehow, in my mind it fits with Blaine's old-fashioned side or something. And can't you imagine him being all adorable and crawling from the front seat into the back seat any time Kurt agrees to a make out session after they've been driving but Kurt refuses to crawl over the seat so he always gets out of the car and walks around to the back door?
Yeah, okay, I'm just crazy. I know. ;)
Up next... 'Choke'!