A/N: And thanks again for the reviews and follows :D I hope you enjoy this one!
At some point, Shaw must have drifted off, because at the next moment, Root's hand was in Shaw's hair. She wasn't acutely aware of the situation, feeling a soft pull in her hair, but couldn't remember why she was resting on a table with her head on her arms. Her neck was sore and her first impression was that she smelled blood and bleach. The hand that was playing with her hair was ruffling Shaw's hair, nails softly raking her scalp. It was quite a pleasant feeling, until she came to her senses, realization dawning on her as to what was actually happening.
"What the…" Shaw mumbled, sitting up straight, causing Root's hand to fall back on the table. "You're awake?"
"For a little while." Root answered truthfully. She looked a lot more awake than she had been when she had opened her eyes minutes earlier. Shaw eyed her watch. No, hours earlier. Still, Root's eyes were glassy and Shaw could tell she was still heavily under the influence of the morphine.
"Were you watching me sleep?" Shaw inquired with a disgusted undertone in her voice. She tried to glare at Root, but was failing miserably for some unfamiliar reason.
"You're so cute when you sleep." Root retorted in a way that made Shaw think she was both being mocked and actually thought of as cute. Which was something she was absolutely not. And it offended her on some level.
"I'm not cute." Shaw huffed exasperatedly. She got onto her feet, walking to the cupboard to grab a glass, and filling it with water at the sink. "You thirsty?"
"Parched." Root answered. She wasn't even exaggerating, being genuinely dehydrated.
"Can you sit up straight?" Shaw questioned. Her voice had gotten less soft, which was something she was grateful for. She didn't like to sound like she cared, even though Root knew that she did. She could have left her for dead, but instead she risked her own life to drag Root's unconscious body around in an attempt to save her life.
"Well, sitting up, yes. I wouldn't wait for the straight part though." The woman smirked, adding a Root-certified wink – that meant closing both eyes – to the sentiment for the extra innuendo. She moved into a sitting position, taking the glass from Shaw whose face had contorted into a heavy scowl.
"You could have died today." Shaw muttered, not having forgotten that the woman had been extremely reckless and careless about her own life that day. It had almost gotten her killed, and if it weren't for Shaw, it would have. Or she would have been captured. She didn't know the finest details on the company they had stolen from, but judging from the amount of guards that had been chasing them, she knew it was an important and powerful one.
"Fortunately I have a guardian angel." Root mused, dismissing Shaw's anger. She hated that Root had a complete and utter disregard for her own safety, and didn't even have the courtesy to pretend she cared, even if it were just for Shaw's sake. And the way she acted in this moment, and just the whole day, made it that Shaw wanted to punch the smirk off Root's face.
It was almost hilarious, really, so much that she almost wanted to smile along with her. Hypocrisy. Root had scolded her for acting reckless and careless about her own life when her cover had been blown, while Root herself could not give any care in the world if she died or not. She just went on walking through sprays of bullets as if they couldn't hurt her. But one bullet had, and if it weren't for Shaw's interference, Root would have died.
And Shaw damn well knew it wasn't even a real smile on Root's face. One that didn't even reach her eyes. One reserved for people Root didn't care for. The kind of smile that she used on her victims and useless pawns in her games. It wasn't the one that should have been directed at Shaw, and not even one she would have directed at her before the events of the stock exchange, and she knew it.
"What the hell happened to you?" Shaw snapped, losing her temper with Root. She was done with the way she behaved, and wasn't going to pretend otherwise. If Root weren't going to pretend she cared about her safety, then Shaw would throw out all her reservations about this matter and quit pretending she didn't either. "Do you have a death wish or something?"
That seemed to wipe the smile off Root's face, her lips slowly curling downwards. She thought to herself that it was a bit ironic: having a death wish. 'Can't have a death wish if you're already dead,' echoed through her head. She stared at Shaw, again with those glassy empty eyes, and Shaw held her breath, not having a clue as to what to expect. It could go two ways, and she didn't know which she preferred. She wanted Root to lash out at her, shouting and screaming. She wanted her to sound the same way she felt, and if it were anger she was feeling, she wanted to hear it.
But the truth was that Shaw didn't know if it were anger she felt. She didn't know what was going on in Root's thoughts, had no idea of what scenario was playing out in her head in that moment. She didn't know what occupied Root's mind, and she couldn't even remember whenever she had lost track of it. She just wanted to know. So much that it had almost turned into a need. She was going out of her mind, and it frustrated her six ways till Sunday. She didn't want to care this much, and if she could have, she would have gone back in time, preventing herself from getting to know this woman and avoid it altogether.
Reality wouldn't let her do such a thing though, and even if she could have, she wasn't certain if it were the right thing to do. Root had changed a lot of things for Shaw, and it annoyed her in ways she couldn't even put in words to herself, but it had also opened up herself to things she wouldn't have ever imagined possible.
It wasn't just about the fact that Root was hot, or that she was good with guns. It wasn't just about her offers of dangerous missions that made Shaw's heart race with anticipation, or the way that Root seemed to know Shaw could handle herself. All the way through her life, Shaw was surrounded by people that were scared of her personality and her lack of human emotions. They thought Shaw needed to be fixed. But Root embraced Shaw's disorder. She loved Shaw because of it, not despite it.
And even though Shaw didn't do feelings, the reformed killer for hire had won over a part of Shaw. The part that was also in charge of her likings of food, guns, and Bear. She cared for all of team Machine in her own way, but there was something about Root that distinguished her from the others. She wouldn't know where to pinpoint the exact difference, but there was at least one.
"Why do you care, Shaw?" Root asked, and not in that teasing way that made Shaw cringe. That sugary way that made Shaw's eyes roll and sigh in exasperation. This time it sounded almost accusing, like it was Shaw's fault that Root was here with thirteen stitches in her side.
"I don't." She said sternly as she shook her head dismissively. "Just stating the obvious."
An awkward silence took over, thick in the air like it seemed to swallow the both of them. Shaw tried to rationalize whatever was going on, but everything seemed just like waking up from bad dream in an even worse reality. Like she'd woken up in a different world. Things had changed and people forgot to fill her in on the new ways and rules. She was having dinner with the queen, and no one had taught her the proper table manners, causing her to make a complete fool out of herself.
She could just ask Root what was going on, why things seemed different. If it were just her or if it were something else. She couldn't put her finger on the sore spot and it almost drove her crazy. She wanted to stop caring about it, and in that moment she was glad that she didn't have the capability to feel strongly. Because if this were just a fraction of what normal people felt like when they cared about someone else.. She didn't know what she would do if she had the full version of those feelings. Shoot someone, probably.
But Shaw was Shaw, and Shaw didn't feel strongly. And she didn't know what to do in situations like these. They required a skill she didn't possess. A skill that couldn't be taught, couldn't be trained. And it was moments like these that she hated it. She wished she could just punch it out of her, but she didn't want to, and didn't think Root would appreciate it either. Although, these days Shaw didn't seem to be knowing what Root wanted anymore. With her behavior and state of mind, she might even encourage Shaw to beat her to death.
Shaw needed to get rid of the tension, before she was going to do something stupid. So she found herself wandering to the bathroom. She stared into the mirror, seeing that she was covered in blood. Root's blood. Her face was pale and she looked tired. Adding hunger to the equation let Shaw believe that it was a miracle she hadn't shot anybody yet. She opened the tap and splashed cold water in her face.
She picked up a towel and wiped off the water that had mixed with some of the blood that had gotten on her face, whether it was from carrying around the limp body of her friend, or stitching up the wound that caused the blood bath, she didn't know. And it didn't really matter. Behind her, she heard the door squeak, revealing Root in the opening. Shaw turned on her heels, not knowing what to expect, so she kept her mouth shut.
"You're right. Things have happened." Root said lowly, her voice somewhat trembling. She sounded lost, like how she had sounded in the period that the Machine hadn't been talking to her. When Shaw had called her Eeyore. Her eyes were completely drained of all life, staring into the distance like she didn't see anything. Like it didn't matter after all. "Terrible things." She added. Shaw tried to look her in the eye, but the hacker wouldn't let her, carefully avoiding her gaze.
"Root.. What happened?" She inquired, stepping closer. She knew that Root had a soft spot for Shaw invading her personal space, and if it were going to help her get information, she would exploit it.
"You wouldn't understand." Root breathed, looking up at Shaw, her eyes meeting Shaw's.
"Why not?" They were almost toe-to-toe, Shaw not averting her eyes from the other woman. She was onto something, and she needed to push just a tad further to get results.
"Shaw…" Root whispered, almost like a plea. It was nothing like Root, and still, it was more genuine than anything else she had heard the woman say all day. She knew the emotions she was showing were real this time, because her eyes and voice were on one frequency, not contradicting one another, not cancelling each other out till it lost all meaning.
"Just tell me already." Shaw said under her breath, not being able to suppress the frustration she felt. Her face was only inches away from Root's, inhaling the same air. She thought Root was going to step down, confirming Shaw's suspicion. Her suspicion that Root's state of mind was her fault. That she had done something wrong, causing Root to behave like this. But she didn't know what. And she was going to do whatever it took to find out.
"No." Lips were almost touching, Root's eyes on the verge of fluttering closed. She couldn't help herself, the gravitational forces being too strong to keep her at a distance. The need to close the gap grew stronger and stronger, even though she fought that need with everything she had. But she longed to forget. She longed to forget herself, and everything she'd done, everything she'd been through. And it was all too easy to lose herself in Shaw's touch.
So when Shaw pressed her lips against Root's, she didn't pull back. She went all in. It wasn't tender or gentle, just sheer roughness. Bruising in the most painful sense of the word, and Root dwelled on it for a few seconds. Right before she pushed the smaller woman away. "I can't." Root gasped. She turned around, her fingers reaching for her lips. They were on fire, and yet she felt tainted.
"What's changed?" Shaw asked, being confused about the situation. Only months prior the woman was pursuing her. Like actively trying to win over what some people might call her heart. They had kissed, and Shaw had died for her. Well, not actually died, but she had sacrificed herself for the team. And she had survived. And in this moment, months later, they found each other in a bathroom, sharing yet another kiss, but Root had changed her mind. And Shaw couldn't fathom what could have happened to Root that made her act this way.
She didn't necessarily want anything more from Root than the way they used to behave around each other. She just wanted to know what had changed. Things were strange, and nothing like they had been before. They hadn't transcend the relationship they'd had before, but it wasn't anything like it was anymore either. They were in a new place, and Shaw didn't know how they'd gotten there. She was desperately trying to do some old-fashioned recon in undiscovered territory, but everything was darkness and she wasn't able to see her hand before her face. Nothing she did helped to uncover the mysteries of this place. If anything, everything was drifting her further from knowing just anything. Nothing made sense. Not to Shaw.
"Everything." Root choked.