WARNING: CHAPTER RATING: MATURE
Chapter 17
We remain embracing for what seemed like hours. After the first few minutes I direct us towards the bed and sat with my back leaning against the wall. She immediately wrapped herself around me again, this time with her face towards my stomach in my lap and her arms encircling my midsection.
I know she is exhausted and after the sobs have finally come and gone she ended up just passing out right there half on top of me and even with her smelly old dingy clothes and sitting in this cell, there was no place that I would have rather been.
I think back to the nights when Henry used to fall asleep on me like this, although he usually was facing away from me, and towards the television, with his head over my lap.
I wonder if it's possible to miss something you never had.
Of course I miss how Henry used to lay his head on my lap, because it made me feel needed, and I knew that I provided a comfort for him that no else could.
But this, the way we are still embracing makes my heart quicken and my palms sweat. And I am Queen, my palms do not sweat. I do not get nervous or anxious around anyone.
But this sleeping woman in my arms has unnerved me in almost every way imaginable and yet here we are clinging to one another.
Even in her sleep her grip on me has not loosened one bit, and neither has mine for that matter. And I miss it, this feeling that I've never had, this feeling of being needed more than anyone else in the world. Its more intimate then when a child needs his mother, it's as though I am the only one who can help her, who can soother her. I don't want to admit it, but it feels like I am the only one for her, and that both scares me and delights me to no end.
I don't want to let go, or fall asleep because I don't know where I will wake up.
If I wake up in the past will I wake up with the other Emma holding me? Or will I wake up alone like all the other days of my life.
She begins to murmur in her sleep and I see her brows pull into a deep frown. I cannot even imagine what inner battle she is facing right now.
I slowly start rubbing the space between her brows with my thumb and this seems to sooth her as her frown goes away. But I do not remove my hand; in fact I take this as my opportunity to start tracing the outline of her face, making sure not to wake her.
As I make my way to her lips I do not hesitate to wave my hand over them and make them moist and soft again, instantly healing all of the cracks. After that I cannot resist slowly and very gently rubbing my thumb over her lips.
I think again about how they had felt against mine, and it brings a smile to my face.
I may have been drunk that night, but I did know what I was doing and I will not deny that it always felt amazing to kiss Emma. Kissing her was like having a sample of the best fruit, and knowing I would always want more. She was becoming too precious to me too fast but I didn't care, I'm glad I acted on it even if I needed alcohol to help with my inhibitions.
I think back to what it would have felt like to feel her go farther than we did. I wish I had pushed her to just take me right there in front of the fireplace. I was ready for her, even if I wasn't ready to face what it meant, I knew that if she would have agreed in that moment that I would have given myself to her willingly.
I know she was more intoxicated than I was, but when she stopped me from taking it further I saw nothing but clarity in her eyes. She knew what she was doing and she must have known what it meant as well. There was hope in her eyes, hope for a future that included Henry and I; our little family.
**Flashback**
We went from laughing to kissing to laughing again. It's so light and carefree the way we are kissing like a pair of teenagers. I can't get enough of her so I pull her back down for more.
We are still lying in front of the fireplace but we have moved around quite a bit.
She is currently hovering over me and frantically trying to get my shirt off and I know we are still fairly intoxicated because her hand eye coordination is way off.
"Please Miss Swan, allow me to do it for you..." I husk, not intending to say it as seductive as it sounds, and all of a sudden the mood has changed.
With those simple words the heat in the room has risen significantly.
She sits back up and scoots back a little watching me like an animal stalking its prey.
I slowly bring myself up as well, and sit kneeling on my knees in front of her as I slowly start to unbutton my silk blouse. I keep eye contact with her up until I let my shirt fully hang open. Then she slowly looks down to my chest and brings out both hands to brush the shirt over my shoulders and down my arms.
She slowly and carefully takes each of my arms out of their sleeves and then tosses my shirt over the back of her shoulder with a smirk on her face.
"Is that how you treat my things? That shirt probably cost more than you entire ensemble, including those hideous boots." I say with a smile playing on my face.
"Nu uh, the most valuable thing is right in front of me, everything else is like.. .. you know.. lame." She says in a serious tone, but she's still not looking at my face as she lightly brushes the back of her fingers over my bra covered chest.
I take in a deep breath, "Oh how romantic of you to say… hello. Are you even listening to me?" I say and I bring up one hand and wave it in her face.
This gets her attention for a minute as she catches my hand and brings it to her sheer covered breast. I can feel her heartbeat and its at the most quickened rate.
She looks up to me and smiles bashfully.
"It's only beating for you." She says and then swallows deeply, "that romantic enough for you?"
And although I know she is trying to lighten the moment, I can hear the utter sincerity of her words, and it makes me want her more as I take charge and move forward kissing her hard and deeply.
She pushes me down again, and kisses down my neck until she reaches my chest. She stops when she reaches the fabric of my bra, looking up to me with questioning eyes.
I immediately pull up enough to unclasp my bra and pull it off and over my shoulder in one swift move as I pull her on top of me again.
I gasp lightly when I feel her hand find it's way to my bare skin. I immediately notice the softness of her skin, and how different it felt from the men I had been with before.
I close my eyes and Robin comes to my mind. Guilt hits me as I realize that he has never even had a chance to properly explore my body. All the times we had been together had been rushed and passionate but we were never given the chance to just be together like this.
I try to bring myself back to the moment, but now I just felt wrong for thinking of him while being with her. I can't do this to him.
I look down to Emma and decide to sit up, but as I do she takes this as an invitation and latches her mouth onto my breast and it feels absolutely divine.
"Oh…. Emma.." I say and it comes out strangled as I wasn't expecting it, but even more so because I wasn't expecting it to feel this good.
This only urges her on as I put my hands into her hair and pull her further into me.
I close my eyes and forget about everything else as I focus on her hot tongue and the way it is circling around my erect nipple. She has definitely done this before, as her other hand comes up to cover my other breast massaging it gently and playing with my other nipple with her thumb.
I feel little sparks shooting downwards as I start to slowly rock against her and allow her to ravish me.
She looks up to me after a few moments, and I only look down because she has removed her mouth and I feel a gently breeze.
When I look down I see her looking into my eyes as she's slowing blowing on my wet nipple and it makes me squirm beneath her.
She brings her hands to my face then and inches her way back up to my face as I hungrily pull into for another kiss.
As we are kissing I allow my hands to roam her body freely and find the button of her jeans as I quickly start undoing them and pulling them lower.
I feel this frantic need to feel her everywhere all of a sudden and I am trying to pull her jeans down while still trying to kiss her and she pulls back, "Whoa whoa Regina, slow down, what's the rush?" she asks, smiling at me.
"Are you really asking me this right now? Do I have to spell it out for you?" I say a little frantically as I try to reach down again and actually end up bumping her shoulder with my head.
Maybe I am still a little on the uncoordinated side, and I push her so she's on her back and attempt to pull her skin tight pants off.
She's still giggling but not helping or stopping me in any way. So I proceed on my mission and when I finally get those darn pants off and I lie fully on top of her and start to rub my hands up from her calves to her thighs, up her sides and finally to her chest, trying to explore her body further.
I'm lost in the feel of her under my hands as I revel in the softness of it all, the smoothness of her skin and the smell of her. It's all even more intoxicating than any cider I've ever had. She is intoxicating in the most delicious way.
I bring my hands to the front clasp of her bra and smile at her, "How very convenient" I say as I undo it quickly not bothering to properly remove it as I look down at her bare chest.
I cannot wait to taste her so I dive straight into it, and don't hold back as I put my mouth around her hard pert nipple and try to mimic what she did to me earlier.
Now it is she who squirms beneath me, it is she who tangles her hands into my hair as I taste her salty sweet skin and love the feel of her in my mouth.
"Regina, oh that feels so good.." She whispers and I can't stop my hands from further exploring her body as she lies beneath me.
As my hands start to lower into her underwear she slowly guides us up into a sitting position and removes my hands.
"Regina, God you don't know how much I want this, but maybe we should wait." She says and it hits me hard as I pull back.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" I ask her in a meek voice that I don't even recognize as my own. "Am I not what you thought I would be? I may have never been with a woman, but…" I start to panic as I realize what I was about to do.
She takes my hands in her and brings my face to hers, kissing me softly and then pulls back, "No, God no, you have no idea how much.." She says but I cut her off before she can finish.
"Well then what's the problem? I thought this was what you wanted, what you've been wanting." I say feeling foolish for how far I took things.
She's smiling as she lays me down again, laying her body atop mine and I have to close my eyes because she just feels so right on top of me.
She surprises me when she pulls back and slowly undoes my pants and pulls them down and off completely.
I sit up so that I'm resting on my elbows as I look down at her questioningly.
She only keeps the smile on her face as she comes back up to lie on me again, and now that I no longer have anything but underwear on, matching her, I feel so much more of her.
She opens her legs enough so that she is straddling one of mine, and that's when I feel it.
I feel the heat coming off her of her in her most intimate spot, but what causes the gasp to escape my lips is the undeniable wetness that I also feel.
As if on instinct I raise my thigh to feel more of her and she slowly grinds further into me as well and it feel amazing.
She brings her face to mine, and as I think she is about to kiss me I close my eyes, but she brushes her cheek against mine instead as she whispers, "Never doubt how much I want you, I know you can feel it." she says as she rocks harder on me, and it makes me whimper.
I can say in all the times I have ever been with anyone I have never whimpered, it is beneath me, yet as she said those words and as I felt the wetness growing on my thigh I just could not contain myself.
I pull back and look into her eyes as I bring my lips to hers and kiss her very slowly just reveling in all that I am feeling.
As we are kissing I take her hand and bring it lower and into my underwear, not able to hold back any longer. I needed her like I had never needed anyone before, but she pulls her hand back so I pull back and look at her again, more annoyed this time.
"Emma.. What… is it now" I ask obviously very turned on and anxious.
"I'm sorry, but Regina please know I want you very badly but I don't want it like this." She looks at me, and I instantly look away, tears springing to my eyes.
"No, please look at me. I want our first time to be more than this. I want us to be 100 percent sure; I don't want it to be a random drunken night. We have so much more to look forward to." She tells me.
"But I know what I want Emma, right now I want you so much…" I say trying to convince her.
"Yes I know Regina, I can feel it. But I cant, not like this. Please just wait for me, Okay? You mean so much to me.. I would never want you to regret this. I don't want it to be some random night we hooked up. I want us to be more…" she says, and I can't find it in me to be upset.
It's actually the most chivalrous and kind thing anyone has ever done for me and it made me realize that I wanted to wait too. I wanted to wait to fully give myself to her and have her give me all of her, and maybe have her be the last person that I would ever give myself to.
I kiss her again, hard this time, and wet and very unlike me, but so much like me at the same time. I want her to feel my gratitude, and my promise of what could come if we accepted it.
"Thank you Emma, for so much more than you could know. Will you just hold me tonight? I don't want this night to end just yet." I say and I turn my body to face the fire.
She quickly grabs a throw blanket off of the sofa and curls up behind me, holding me she whispers, "I'd love to hold you forever if you'd let me."
And we lie there for a while just enjoying the fire before I fall off asleep.
End flashback**
Now seeing her here in my arms again, I felt at a loss.
This was not the same woman I felt myself falling for in that other place. She is hurting so much and I don't know what to do.
Will she ever be able to be the same again? Will any of us be the same again?
I bring my hand back to her face and caress her cheek, I want to kiss her but I know I cant and it hurts that I cant now that I have, now that I know what it feels like to have her in that way.
There is so much more we have to face, and we can only beat this together, so I will be strong for her.
I look down at her arms, and see little scrapes here and there, and there are holes in her pants. I wonder if she's even changed her clothing in the last month.
I look around the room and see that there are folded clothes on the floor that Snow must have brought over, so I close my eyes and slowly wave my hands over her as to change her clothing but also to try and close up any open cuts she may have on her body.
She will need to bathe and eat, but for now, this will do.
I look down again to her and frown at what she must have been going through without allowing anyone to help her; just holding it all in and trying to fight it alone, just as she has always had to. I see her frown again and start to shake in my arms, so without thinking I slowly bring my lips to her forehead and kiss her, and then whisper in her ears soothingly.
"Regina" I physically jump when I hear his voice, and look up to see Hook standing outside the cell.
He's has a pained expression on his face, and I see the Charming's are standing several feet behind him.
"How did you get in, and how did you get her to respond to you?" He asks gently, and I realize his pained expression is from the face that I've made more progress than he has, and in such a short amount of time.
"I don't know… It was hard, but I used magic to enter the cell…" I say to him, not daring looking into his eyes because I suddenly remember that Emma is with him, and that I had just been caught kissing her.
I suddenly feel so out of place.
I see Snow come forward towards the cell.
"Oh thank goodness Regina, I knew if anyone could get through to her it would be you." She smiles and her shoulders slowly deflate, as she seems to relax a bit at the thought.
"Thank you Regina, we just haven't been able to get through to her." Charming says, coming closer to the cell also.
"Yes, well I just had to push her, as you know if there is one thing we are good at it is fighting." I say and smile fondly, but as I look up I see Hook eyeing me curiously and look to the others quickly.
"Well, love, thanks for taking care of her for me. I would have been in there holding her too if I had magic to rely on." He says, as he smiles at me and I know its fake.
I see Charming look at him strangely; always oblivious to what is happening.
"Well I don't care how she did it, as long as she is helping Emma that is all I care about." Snow says, and it's then that I see the food tray in her hand.
"We brought some food when a few hours had passed and you didn't come out. Is there anything else that we can get you? I don't know if you were planning to stay in there or what…" Snow says looking down, and I know she wants me to stay but doesn't know how to ask.
"Well I would like to stay for as long as it takes to help, but I also need some clothing, and I will need to leave from time to time to see Henry" I say as Emma starts to squirm and its apparent that she will be waking soon.
"No worries about Henry Regina, we will keep him with us, and we will give him an update on what is happening. Please call if you need anything at all." Charming says, and then turns to Hook, "We should be heading out soon. We will wait for you up there."
"Snow will you pack me a bag, and tell Henry I will speak to him soon?" I say to them as they turn to leave.
"Ofcourse, and thank you again Regina. It's so good to have you back." Snow says with tears in her eyes and a small smile on her face.
As I look down I see that Emma is awake, and I can't help but smile down to her.
Hook clears his throat as if I could forget he is still there, but this also gets Emma's attention as she untangles herself from me and looks towards him.
"Hi Love, I just came to say good night, its so bloody good to have you look at me again." He says as he looks down blushing a bit, and then looking back at her, "I'll return tomorrow to see you again, I wont give up." He says, look right at me once more, before he smiles at Emma again.
"Hook… I don't think that's a good idea." Emma says, standing now, but not approaching him.
"Look I know you are scared, but I don't care, I will never stop fighting for you, you told me you loved me..." He says, getting a little more anxious and angry.
I look to Emma and see her looking at him. It's too intimate a moment so I look down.
"I know what I said, but things are different… Just please.. I cant deal with this right now…" She says, and I see her reverting back to how she was earlier, shrinking back into herself.
I get up immediately, and approach the cell bars.
"I think it would be best if you left, Atleast for now." I tell him because he is not helping the situation.
"I'll go Regina, and thank you. But I really do love her, and I will be back…" He says, looking over my shoulder one last time before he turns to leave.
I take a deep breath and try to calm all the feelings I have inside at what just happened as I turn around.
When I approach Emma I see that she is writing in her book again, but this time she is sitting on the bed and not in the corner on the floor so I guess I have to see that as progress.
…