CHAPTER NINETEEN

Sesshomaru

A fishing trip? He had to be kidding. I refused to do something so degrading. As if reading my mind, Father smiled.

"Oh. If you don't catch anything, that means no dinner tonight."

Narrowing my eyes, I glared at him. My hair was still in knots after his unexpected attack. Yet he was completely unfazed by it. Now, he was telling me to go fishing with these imbeciles. I could go days- even weeks without food. Yet, he was perfectly fine with creating some assumptions that I needed such things.

"Fishing? But that means the fish have to die..."

I glanced over at the source of the voice, only finding myself looking straight at a girl. That girl. When I did, I felt something even more strange than ever before. There was anger. Dislike. But underneath was something else. Something that was telling me to destroy anyone who would hurt her. I found myself searching her face for answers instead of my own mind.

"Son, quit staring!" Father snapped, awaking me from my temporary train of thought. Was I staring, I wonder? As Mikage met eyes with me, she looked away. I knew, of course, that it was typical behavior for a shy child. I didn't like it, though. "Look, it ain't hard to see that you're infatuated with the girl, but at least try to suppress it when I'm giving orders, okay?"

I felt myself utter a growl. I wasn't infatuated with Mikage. I didn't even like her. Even remotely. She was annoying, and far to shy for her own good, and... What else? Before, I was able to steadily list the downfalls to her personality without falter. Yet now, I was at a loss for negative descriptive terms. A stifled snicker brought me back out of my cerebration. I reminded myself to kill that cat later when the girl wasn't looking.

"Now then. What were you saying, Lord Father?" Jaken inquired, attempting to change the subject.

I sighed, deciding to change the subject within myself as well. I was giving this too much thought, when it wasn't even worthy of such.

"Ah, yes. Well, like I was saying. Yes, Mikage, the fish need to be killed. That's the only way we get to eat. Now-"

"B-but... What if they don't want to be eaten by us?"

Father turned to her, a look of pure flummox appearing on his face.

"Wha... What...?"

What was Mikage blathering about now? She always seemed to have some sort of nonsense brewing within her brain. Now, she was acting as though the fish swimming in the river actually had a preference. What bêtise.

"Well... I was taught that all things deserve to live in one way or another... I don't believe that even fish have the merit to die, Inu no Taisho-sama..." she told him in a voice near a whisper. She wasn't meeting eyes with any of us- even father. Perhaps she knew just how foolish she sounded.

Father came beside her before kneeling down to her height. He now had an understanding smile on his face. Grabbing her hand, he began to try and comfort the small girl.

"Let me tell you something, Mikage," he said. Her eyes drifted upwards a bit to look at him. "Whenever something dies, it comes back to life as something greater if it has been well-behaved. So if you catch a fish, then you're actually doing it a favor in a new life it'll have someday."

Mikage gave him her full attention, now, her eyes wide with awe.

"R-really...?"

He nodded, seeming completely at ease with taking advantage of her gullibility. I couldn't believe that even she was falling for this.

"U-um... Inu no Taisho-sama I... Um. Well... Are you quite sure that they are going to come back...? I mean... Not that I... Haven't heard that theory before, but... I... Just worry. What if they don't?"

"Well of course they do, Mikage! How do you think that we're here today?"

He was asking her a nearly impossible question to answer, expecting her to be fooled by her inability to respond. She seemed puzzled for a moment, appearing to ponder it. Eventually, she looked back at him, shaking her head slowly and shrugging her shoulders.

"I... I don't know. I apolog- I mean... Er..." she paused, biting one fingernail gently, a small droplet of blood spilling down from her pointed tooth. She had taken her apology back before she had even finished her sentence. That was when I remembered how I had yelled at her to keep her pleas for forgiveness at bay. She really did respect and acknowledge my orders, even when I said something out of anger.

"I refuse to go on this fishing trip," I stated. Rising to my feet, I left the room. This was simply something that I wasn't going to lower myself to. I heard no objections besides my father's as I took my leave. Not even that playful girl that I had the chance to witness last night said a word. Just a small recognition of the fact that I had cut off all ties to every one of them in that room.

There was something that disturbed me, however. Why had I been playing around with so many theories of my feelings? It was unlike me in so many ways that I may even think I had been possessed, or some such thing. Yet the thing that disturbed me even more, was that I hadn't even hardly turned away any of the thoughts that I had received. When she was happy, I felt a tad enlightened myself. Last night, I hadn't been tired. I had wanted to stop seeing her cheerful face, because it had started started making me only feel the same. Gah! Why was I feeling like this? I was becoming completely weakened. I was letting her through the shell that I had generated so long ago. The one that I had vowed not to let anyone into.

That girl... So innocent. Unaware of the troubles in even her own life.

That girl. The one who was so shy. The one who didn't even care to inform people of her royalty.

That girl.

The girl with the shining blue eyes, and soft acorn hair.

The one who was terrified to make a mistake. Around anyone.

The one girl.

Who had killed a family member unintentionally with her own two hands.

Had her memory erased of everything, by her own brother. Hurt and abused by her own mother.

Who had died. She had looked regretful at life coming back into her. Because some part of her still was guilty for what she had done, though it wasn't her fault.

And could still laugh, even after all that she had been through.

Why was she able to be so hopeful for it all to become better? The normal part of me suggested that it was only because she was so young. But another part of me that I didn't know said 'no'. It knew that it was nothing like that for her. She was hopeful because it was the only thing that she had to hope for.

If it wasn't that, then nothing else.

I remembered the one day awhile ago, when I had thought about her wanting friends. I thought that it was because of her having no powers. I had thought then, that if she had neither of those, she had nothing.

What I hadn't thought of, was that she already had lost it all. Her mother's love. Her brother. And her kingdom. The only thing that she could truly rely on was that her hope would remain strong.

Stopping in my tracks, I felt my hair move forward with the sudden stop of momentum. The strain on my eyelids could be felt as it finally struck me.

I was her hope.

I felt my head twist back, just as Mikage had come through the doorway. She had an odd look of hidden relief on her face as she approached me.

"Lord Inu no Taisho said that we don't have to go if you don't want to," she told me, tilting her head to look up to my height. Her slightly messy, unevenly cut bangs slid out of her eyes, revealing the golden sun on her head. She glanced to her side, gripping the side of her kimono. Her fingers created more wrinkles in the already loose fabric. "That's okay, right? I really don't want to kill the fish, anyway. And you don't want to go, so... I guess everybody wins, right?"

I couldn't even answer her. I felt glad that she had averted her eyes, because I don't think that I could even have kept mine on her. I felt too guilty.

"Mikage..."

"Hm?"

Her eyes traveled back to mine, only making me want to be the one to look away. I didn't though, knowing how much more that would lower me. I sighed, as I searched for words.

"Are... You all right...?" I asked, easily noticing how low my voice had gotten. For a moment, she looked taken aback. Eventually finding her own words, she bobbed her chin a bit.

"Uh... Yeah... My headache went away," she offered, obviously finding my question odd. I could feel the awkwardness in the air as I stepped back.

"Well I'm glad you're faring well."

Taking no longer, I whirled around to head back down the hall as fast as I could without breaking into a run.

"Why do you ask, Lord Sesshomaru...?" she questioned, her small feet thumping lightly on the wood as she chased after me. I knew that I had backed myself into an invisible corner. Although normally, I would simply draw away, not saying a word else, I saw another way out that would make me feel less of that wretched emotion so new to me.

"I'll go wherever you like me to, only for today, Mikage. Don't question me, though, or you will quickly lose that privilege. Understood?"

I really couldn't believe that I was doing this. Not at all. Yet I was. If it would keep her from finding out about my pity, then anything was better.

Her facial expression lightened, before she jumped up a bit. Her many long strands of hair jerked up along with her, before quickly falling back down. A smile crept onto her previously crestfallen face, small little indents appearing on either side of her mouth.

"Really? Truly? Oh yeah- no questions! Would it be okay to go to the lily fields with all of our family, Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Family?"

"Of course! You're my family now, along with InuKimi-sama and Inu no Taisho-sama!"

Frankly, this was the first I had heard of such musings. But I suppose... I could bear with this. Just for today. And never again.

"All right. Only for an hour," I mumbled, growing slightly irritated.

She gasped with delight, before heading off to spread the news to all of the others. She had completely forgotten to even thank me for my leniency. This time though, it didn't agitate me nearly as much as it may have before. How frustrating. I couldn't even control what was going on inside of my own mind. These new feelings. Why were they beginning to surface so much around her? I didn't know anymore. I only knew one thing.

I wasn't letting this kind of feeling escape me again.