A/N: Well here's another one.. I'm just on a roll. I am actually sad that I wont be able to update, but I am in desperate need of a vacation. I might be able to crank another chapter out before I leave... but if not.. I hope you enjoy this one. And as always, your reviews are like gold to me. Thank you!

I made a small error towards the end that I have fixed.

I know this chapter might be confusing but please stick with me :)

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Chapter 18

It has been weeks since I woke up in this place, my real reality, and all I wish for is to go back to the other place, my other reality.

But then I know that wishes do not come true and I wouldn't deserve it if they did.

Is it really fair to get a glimpse of what could have been, only to wake up one day and realize that it will never be a reality? That the only person who is meant for me is a man who chose my sister over me? Is this what I am destined for in my life? To be alone, to belong with no one other than my son, who will one day have his own family, and ultimately leave as well.

To say that these past few weeks have been hard would be an understatement.

Most of my days are spent with Emma, and I will say that we have made some progress. She is now bathing regularly again, and is eating atleast twice a day.

She has even taken to reading the books that Snow had brought before I arrived.

So in that respect things have been going rather well.

After her initial breakdown that first day that I arrived she has not shed another tear. She also has not said much to me, although I have not said much either.

It seems that my presence alone is what is getting her to do those mundane tasks that we all do daily without much thought. And she is sleeping better as well, and by better I mean that she doesn't always wake up screaming, although she still does half of the time.

Some days I think she will wake up and everything will be back to normal, but then I think to myself, what the hell is normal? Were we ever normal in the first place? Did I want to be normal? No. Probably not, but I just wanted things to be better. I wanted to see a sliver of her old self instead of this tortured, angry and unsure person. A person that I see fighting the power she has, that destructive and greedy side that we all have that is just itching to take over. Most people will be lucky enough to never have to deal with such power and what it can do to a person, especially someone as good as her, someone who is torturing herself at the thought that she might hurt the people she loves.

I know that is her inner turmoil every day, and every night when she goes to sleep. And I know that my being here is helping her, even if she barely acknowledges me some days.

My torture is not only seeing her go through this, but also having to tell Henry every couple of days that not much has changed. Having to tell him that his mother is doing better but still refuses to leave that cell and still refuses to see him. My torture is seeing the dejected look on his face and seeing his hope fade more and more every day.

The hardest part of my day is when he comes to visit. And he makes sure to come every single day.

In the beginning he would just sit outside the cell and look at her like a wounded puppy. Then he would talk about how he and David were still searching for a way to break her free from being the dark one, but that would only upset her more and set her back so I told him never to bring that up again.

Sometimes she will actually look at him when he speaks to her and on those days he gets extra animated with her, and I can see how much he really does love her.

There are rare days when she actually goes to him and holds his hand through the bars, and on those days I have to excuse myself.

Actually I only had to see it once to realize that it was hurting me more than I wanted to admit.

After that first day she went to him I decided that I would take advantage of his visits and do whatever it was that I needed to do outside of the cell when he was there. I didn't always leave, but if I did I made sure it was during their time together.

I hated leaving her but I hated seeing them together more.

It wasn't as though they had these deep conversations, and weren't touching much; it was more surface talk than anything else. Such as what the weather was like, or what Henry was up to, or how Ruby was doing.

I like to think that he was more of a messenger than her… lover. He would talk about all of the things going on, and when it interested her then she would turn to him and sometimes ask questions or nod her head to show that she was listening.

Like today, before I left she was in a better mood than I had seen before, and I didn't want to leave because she was having such a great morning. When she got up, she went to the restroom and did her daily routine while I cleaned up a bit. The cell was large enough for two people to be in, and once it was apparent that I would be staying nights in there, I brought a bed in for myself, just a small twin for myself and actually brought one for her as well and had them against different walls.

She was humming to herself when she emerged from the restroom looking fresh and had a lightness to her that I hadn't seen in a long time.

Flashback**

As she emerged from the restroom I always had to avert my eyes and look busy because I didn't want it to seem as though I was hovering near the door.

But when I heard her humming softly to herself I couldn't help but look up.

She is just standing there and looking at me with small smile on her face

"Morning dear, did you sleep okay?" I ask her trying to sounds as casual as possible.

"Yeah actually I did. How about you?" She asks as she sets her hair towel over the chair at her desk and then takes a seat on her bed.

"oh.. um.. well I slept very well too, thank you." I say and feel so strange speaking to her again, and even sillier at the way I responded. She had really caught me off guard.

She just continues to smile at me as she sits farther back on the bed so that her back is against the wall.

This is unusual for us because she usually takes a shower and then goes to her desk for a while, or sometimes she will also watch the television that I had brought down. But this time she just sits there and watches me as I walk around the room pretending to finish tidying up.

I have gotten used so her usual habits that this is throwing me off completely and I find that I have nothing else to really do so I take a seat at her desk and look towards her again.

We sit there for a few minutes in an awkward silence, and I find that I am also not the person I used to be because I would have snapped at her by now, or at least had some sort of remark to make about the way she is blatantly starting at me.

Instead I just sit there and look anywhere but at her.

I realize that I am tapping my fingers on the desk and move both of my hands to my lap and finally look up at her and notice that although she is looking at me, it's like her mind is somewhere else.

I take in her appearance and am happy to see that she has put on some weight and her face looks fuller than it has in some time. And although her hair is still wet it still looks much healthier than it had.

I have also brought back with me during my time away quite a bit of clothing for her as well as more books so that she is well stocked.

Today she is wearing a pair of her skin tight jeans and a long sleeved shirt. It is almost as though she is back to her old self.

I clear my throat as I begin to speak and it takes her out of her daydream.

"So.. what would you like to eat today?" I ask because at the moment I just don't know what else to say or do. I usually just magic up something most days, but since she seems to be doing well today I thought it would be okay to actually ask.

"I'd kill for some bacon and eggs…" she says, and as she says it her hand flies over her mouth and she looks mortified for a moment.

I am immediately off of the chair as I almost run to her and sit down next to her, but hesitate to touch her.

"I didn't mean it, you know I just meant that I haven't had bacon in a while…" she says and I latch onto her hand.

"Oh Emma, I know what you meant. And you mustn't be so hard on yourself. It's just a figure of speech, it's not like anything literal would come from it." I say assumingly as I brush the hair that has fallen to cover her face.

She's looking down and I pull her chin up, "Look at me, you needn't be so worried dear, I think that you deserve some greasy food for a change, even if it will help clog your arteries…" I smirk.

She laughs at this, though she still looks a bit mortified and I pull back to clear off the small table that we have in the center of the room.

I magic up a plate full of bacon and eggs for her and an omelet for myself and a large carafe of coffee for us to share.

She's still on the bed when I finally finish setting everything up so I go to her and kneel beside the end closest to her.

"I know you cannot resist, now come on before it gets cold, and maybe I'll even watch that cartoon with the talking dog again afterwards." I say and she begins to move slowly towards the food and finally stuffs an entire piece of bacon in her mouth.

I come to sit across her and as I start to sip my coffee she speaks up, "It's called Family Guy and it's a classic. You know you secretly love Stewie." She says as she picks up another piece of bacon and shoves it into her mouth.

"Yes well, the rest of that family is just ridiculous but the baby is quite entertaining." I say and can't help up smile at her as she continues to stuff her face as though the food is going to taken from her at any moment.

"You look so much like Henry right now." Comes out of my mouth as I bring my hand to her face and wipe food from the side of her lip.

This makes her look up at me curiously slightly leaning into my hand that has moved from her lip to her cheek and I quickly pull my hand back.

I had done it without thinking and it was like my body just did things around her without my brain having time to process it.

But she just smiles at me again and looks down, grabbing more food to shovel into her mouth.

After that we both sit in companionable silence for the remainder of our meal and I think that this could be the start of her real recovery. If we have more days like this than maybe I can actually get her out of this damn cell and back into the real world.

After we finish up I place the plates on a tray in the corner of the cell to take home later and make my way to my bed to sit down as she turns on the television.

I had brought much of Henry's and her DVD collection down for her with the TV for her to watch.

Today she sits next to me instead of sitting on her bed and as the show start playing I can't help but feel her presence next to me.

I can tell that her mind is somewhere else because she hasn't said a word or really moved. I glance to my side a few times and see that she looks deep in thought and I wish I could read her mind. Just to know what she was thinking right now.

After a few episodes she finally turns to me, "I think I would like to see Henry, not for long maybe just a few minutes." She says and finally lets out a deep breath she must have been holding.

This takes me by surprise because I really didn't think she was ready for it, but I was so relieved to hear her say it. Henry would be so happy and he needed some hope right about now.

"What do you think" she says and I realize that I haven't responded to her.

"I think that's a wonderful idea. But only if you are ready, and know he will be so pleased to see you." I tell her and I can't help but pull her into a gentle hug.

She leans further into me and also brings her arms around me and it is a little awkward because we are still sitting on the bed, but it feels nice.

She pulls away and I can see that a few tears have escaped her eyes, as she tried to quickly wipe them away I look towards the TV again pretending not to notice.

After that we sit in a comfortable silence for a little while later except for the television, and every now and then I hear her chuckle and look towards me. I smile back to her but I have no clue about what is happening, as I am lost in my own thoughts.

I think about Henry's face and how delighted he will be when I give him the good news. I also think of Snow and can already picture her crying when she finds out. Since Emma still doesn't want to see her parents but if she is willing to see Henry then maybe she will be willing to forgive them as well.

I am pulled from my thoughts as I hear a tap on the cell bars and look to my right to see none other than Hook on the other side smiling at us both.

I look to Emma who is also looking at him but she doesn't get up or make an attempt to say anything to him, and for that moment I am glad about it.

"Hello Love, it's so good to see you in your regular clothes today, and I must say you look absolutely stunning…" he says to her as he looks her up and down and I have to bite back the remark that is begging to come out of my mouth.

Really, this is the first thing he notices. And what a way to show the woman you love that you approve by leering at her.

It's absolutely disgusting and I can tell instantly that Emma feels uncomfortable by the way she squeezes my hand.

Wait a minute, I had not even realized that we were holding hands, and as I try to remember when it happened I cannot. But I squeeze back nonetheless to reassure her that she is going to be okay.

She smiles at me then, and let's go of my hand as she stands and turns off the television.

"I've brought you your favorite pastry, what's it called? Oh right, a bears claw, I thought we could share it." he says as he smirks at her and takes a seat on the chair outside the cell.

"Oh, well Regina already got us breakfast…" Emma says as she takes the chair near the desk and guides it toward him.

He looks down, and even I feel sorry for him, and she must too because she sits next to him and reaches for it through the bars.

"But I could never say no to a bear claw." As she open the bag pulls it out and takes a bite.

He perks up at this and smiles widely at her, and it send a pain to my gut to see the gesture. To see them interacting so easily as her and I were a few moments ago.

She really must love him, and the way she is responding to him right now is proof of it.

I need to get out of here, so I quickly get off of the bed and start to gather the things I will take with me, my back completely towards them.

"Hey, wwhh…where are you going?" she asks in a tentative voice so I turn around and she's right there behind me, so close that I bump into her as I turn.

I look into her eyes and see that she is not okay; she looks frightened.

I realize now that she's trying to act like things are normal again but they are far from it and I realize that this whole thing with Hook might just be a facade. Maybe she's even trying to fool herself, but I see through it now.

"I… well I thought I could get a few things done while you spend time with your… with Hook." I say looking down and continuing to gather my things.

"But things were going so well, are you sure you want to leave" she asks a little meekly, her eyes pleading with me. But as I look behind her I cant stand to be here any longer and I don't feel its right to subject myself to this, even for her.

I put my hands on her shoulders and look at her, "Emma you will be fine, I want to go tell Henry the good news and I have a few things to take care of. I won't be gone long, plus I thought you might want some alone time." I say gesturing towards him behind her.

She looks down for a minute, as if she has to psych herself up to it, and then I see her plaster a fake smile on her face, "Oh yeah, it will be nice to spend some time with him since I'm having a better day than usual." Then she looks towards him and smiles again. He smiles back while eating that damn pastry.

This takes me by surprise and I do not know what to make of it. Why would she need to psych herself up for this? Is it really that difficult for her to spend time with him, did she have to do the same with me?

I just need to get away for a bit, call it cabin fever, but I needed some fresh air, and I needed to talk to someone.

"Alright well, I'll leave you two too it. You can reach me on my cell if you need me." I say and I rub her shoulder one more time and nod to Hook before I transport myself home.

End Flashback***

At home I had put the dishes in the sink and my clothes in my hamper before I cleaned up and headed to the diner.

I needed to talk to someone about all of this and the only person who I think would be able to listen would be Ruby.

Its true that I haven't even seen her since my return except from afar when I am running quick errands between my time with Henry and Emma. But I feel as though I am at a breaking point again and she is the only one who I can think of.

"Good afternoon Regina, what can I get ya?" she asks as she walks up to me.

"Hello Miss Lucas…I mean... Ruby." I say smiling to her a little shyly and she looks up at me surprised.

Then a knowing smile appears on her face.

She looks around at the mostly empty diner and then shouts to Granny that she's going on her break.

She then surprises me when she takes me by the hand and leads me out outside and towards a park.

She looks over her shoulder as I just follow her too confused as to what is happening to actually stop her.

Once we are halfway there, I finally realize we are out in public and pull my hand away from her.

"What do you think you are doing Miss Lucas?" I say to her because old habits really are hard to break.

"Oh cut the bullshit Regina. You really had me fooled, but I knew there was something different about you." She says, smiling again and gestures towards a secluded area of the park and a small bench.

We both take a seat and she just looks at me pensively for a few minutes before she smiles again to herself.

"Oh please just spit it out and wipe that damn smile off of your lips" I say although I find myself smiling before I can help it as I push her shoulder.

This feels weird, its like we have always been friends, and I feel so comfortable with her.

"Okay fine, I remember… I remember something that couldn't have possibly happened, and I thought it was all in my head until you just called me Ruby in the diner." She says looking so deeply in my eyes.

Could it be possible that she remembers? I don't want to get my hopes up.

"I don't know what you are talking about…" I feign ignorance.

"Well you have never called me Ruby for one, and I know you remember too, but the real question is…. What the hell happened?" she asks incredulously.

"Oh, if only I knew… I don't know what is real anymore and you are the only one who can help me." I say to her in a serious tone, and she takes my hand in hers, and I feel like I finally let go of this knot that has been in my chest for weeks.

…..