I learned many things on the island. But I can say that one thing matters more than anything else. More than the survival training I got from Slade and Yao Fei. More than the bow training from Shado. More than anything and everything else they taught me and A.R.G.U.S has since.
The truth.
Not telling Slade the truth made me lose the closest thing to a true friend I had found on the island. There was no secrets between us. Only the truth until that day. The day I didn't tell him the truth and set into motion the events that would end with me putting an arrow through his eye. The man that I called brother was dead at my feet and by my hand. All because of the truth.
The truth that Ivo hadn't just shot her and didn't say why. That I had dived in front of Sara without thinking. I tried. Dammit I tried to stop him. He was beyond reason then. He was beyond rational thinking. It was either that or let them both die in my mind. Right then and there no one could make a choice like that. I had known Sara for as long as I had known Laurel and Tommy. Sara was here because of me. If I had never brought her on that damn boat she would still be alive. She wouldn't have been swept out the first time and she wouldn't have been dead now. Shado was something else though. She survived on the island just like us. Survived and carried me with her and Slade. She trained me so that I could stand with them eventually. Always helping me. And I let her die. I let Ivo shoot her when I saved the girl that could've been working for him. For all we could've known she could've just been playing us along. It was pessimistic for me to think about Sara like that now but it would've been better than the optimism that I showed.
I lied to my friend. To the man who kept me alive when he could've let me die. To the man who had become my brother. Saying nothing and letting Sara go on uncorrected was even more cowardly. My father gave me a chance at life and that was how pitiful the life he saved had become. That I couldn't tell the truth when I needed to. That I couldn't stand by myself like he did. No I always needed help from someone. I couldn't do anything when the situation became serious. I was weak and I hated myself for it. I couldn't tell Slade the truth. I wanted an excuse and let Sara give me one. I didn't think about how Slade had been open to me even after his friend had betrayed. How he had named him the godfather to his son and Wintergreen was going to leave him to die. And there I was some rich playboy that was only slowing him down.
I can still see the look in his eyes when Ivo told him the truth. When my lie came full circle. When I joined the long list of people who betrayed him. Ivo had been right. I aimed the gun. I let Shado die and lied to him. He deserved the truth from a friend and all he got was a lie from a coward. The same one he had called a brother. That betrayal was the last one in a long line that simply pushed him over the edge. Slade didn't hate me just because of Shado's death. No he hated me because I betrayed his trust.
I knew I was going to let a repeat happen if I didn't tell Taiana the truth. If I didn't tell her I killed her brother. I couldn't simply tell her that her brother died and then leave. She would want to know the truth. I couldn't lie this time. I couldn't let my fear get in the way and let it frighten me into submission. No. I was going to tell her the truth and it didn't matter if she tried to kill me or never wanted to see again. I couldn't let this island keep bringing out the worse in me. No this time the truth. No more lies and no more looking for excuses. No I was going to tell the truth even if she damned me for it. It didn't matter because she deserved to know.
She hated me for it. Of course she did. I knew that before I even said anything. I told her everything. How Conklin had put him up to it somehow. How he had tried to drown me and I fought back. How I had snapped his neck and left his body in the water. She blamed Conklin for it too of course. Said how they never should have gotten on the boat. She blamed herself as much as she blamed Conklin. Then she hit me. The slap stung but I had endured far worse on my first few weeks on the island. From Yao Fei shooting me with an arrow to Wintergreen's torture. No the slap didn't even compare them. It was the same look of betrayal in her eyes that I had seen in Slade's that hurt more. Better that she sees the monster that I am sooner rather than later. She might've saw me through tinted glasses before all of this. Her savior from her forced servitude making their drug to her brother's killer must've been a massive change. Her eyes held just as much confusion as they did rage. Why did I save her and no one else? Why did Vlad, I finally had a name to put to the body, die and she survive? What made me single her out? Her thoughts were probably going a mile a minute and I just stood there as she looked at me unsure of what to do next. I just stood there. I wasn't going to cause her any more pain than I already had. She deserved that much. I was going to leave her to grieve. Seeing her brothers killer wasn't going to help her when she was going through her grief.
"Wait." Her voice was quiet and was a stark contrast to when I had first heard her speak.
"I'll leave you alone. You don't have to worry about seeing me and bringing up the memories. I'll still come by occasionally in case you need anything."
"I want them to pay. Pay for bringing us here." Her voice had an icy edge to it and I turned back to look into eyes that I probably had when I had grown used to the eat or be eaten mentality on the island.
"You hate them more than me?" it was more like a statement than a question. That was the only way she could stand to be around me any longer than she already had.
"Yes. They brought us here. Conklin made him attack you. If they had never ruined our lives we would both have never experienced this hell. I want them to suffer like they've made us suffer."
"Until you have suffered, the same way that I have suffered."
Her words reminded me of Slade's. She had the same look of determination I had seen so often on Slade's face. They were so similar. Yet her hatred was focused on Reiter and his men. Not me. So similar yet so different.
That was when I showed her the map.
AN : When I was watching Arrow I was waiting for Oliver to say that he killed her brother and when he didn't I instantly thought of when they didn't tell Slade the truth about Shado. Maybe I was the only one. This is just what could've happened if he had told her the truth.