Gosh, the fact that Tina's hallucination wasn't real is such a bummer! Couldn't write about that part (their little spat about Chandler!). But it's okay! This one is a little shorter than normal, but there will be more happening in the next episode when they're in Chicago for Nationals! :)
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
"Hey, Kurt?" Mercedes came up to Kurt as he walked down the hallway after school on Monday afternoon.
"Yes?" Kurt acknowledged.
"I just got this..." Mercedes handed him a note. "It was in my locker."
It was from Sue.
"'Find your gay friend and come to my office immediately'," Kurt read the note out loud.
He and Mercedes exchanged a confused glance.
"Should we go?" Mercedes asked.
"I guess," Kurt allowed. "I mean, if we don't go, she's likely to come storming into one of our classes to drag us out. And I'm not interested in that kind of public humiliation if I can avoid it."
Mercedes nodded. They walked in silence to the cheerleading coach's office door and were not surprised to find Sue waiting for them in the doorway.
"Get in here," Sue instructed. "And don't sit down. I don't want any of your bad ideas rubbing off on my furniture."
As Sue walked across the room to her desk, Kurt and Mercedes obeyed and moved to stand in front of the desk.
"Porcelain, Wheezy," Sue said, "you've created a monster."
She tossed a magazine on her desk so they could see it.
Unique was on the cover. Kurt and Mercedes looked at each other, not sure what to say.
"They're calling Jesse St. James a visionary," Sue added, "and lauding Vocal Adrenaline for their ongoing commitment to diversity."
"But Jesse St. James was against Unique performing as his true, magical self," Mercedes clarified.
"No, we were the ones who convinced him to do that," Kurt added.
"Well, then you only have yourselves to blame," Sue said. "And the liberal media."
"Not really," Mercedes replied. "It was your idea."
"I have no memory of that," Sue responded immediately.
Kurt and Mercedes exchanged a knowing look.
"In any case, Unique is now a show choir celebrity," Sue continued. "He/she will trounce us at Nationals and I will lose my Cheerios to coach Roz Washington. I will not let that happen. We have but one choice left to us."
Kurt tried to sneak in a subtle glance at Mercedes, but she wasn't looking at him.
"It's time to fight fire with the flaming flames of additional flaming, gay fire," Sue said gravely.
Kurt rolled his eyes so Sue would definitely see him. What was she even talking about?
Sue reached into one of her desk drawers and pulled out a dress. She stood up so Kurt and Mercedes could see it.
"Porcelain," she said, "you will wear this flapper dress and perform at Nationals as 'Porcelina'."
Kurt was so surprised by her demand that he couldn't speak right away. He turned desperately to Mercedes, but she looked as clueless as he felt.
"You already have the lady gait and the lady voice," Sue explained. "You'll have to start smoking, though, because this dress is a size two."
"Okay," Kurt found his voice, "just because I'm gay does not mean that I like to dress up like a woman."
"Oh, come on!" Sue scoffed.
"What about Halloween, Kurt?" Mercedes asked.
Kurt wanted to throw her into the nearest dumpster for bringing up Halloween at this particular moment.
He and Blaine had spent more time than either of them would ever admit trying to figure out their costumes for Halloween. They had considered so many different possibilities that they had actually gone out for cheesecake at Breadstix to celebrate when they finally settled on a reality television theme.
Blaine had been Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and Kurt had been Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi from the MTV reality show Jersey Shore.
Kurt had never seen his father laugh so hard in his entire life as when Kurt had emerged from his room dressed as Snooki. And Santana had spent the entire week following Halloween teasing Blaine that his attraction to women had returned.
But it had been worth it. It had been hilarious and fun and everything that Kurt loved about the power of clothing. He loved Halloween.
"Okay, that was a Halloween costume," Kurt replied sharply, "and it is a far cry from starting out on the stage at Nationals in a dress... which is absolutely out of the question!"
"Well, then the New Directions will lose," Sue said matter-of-factly.
Kurt could not believe this was happening.
"Hate to say it, kiddo," Sue said to him as she tossed the dress into his arms, "but if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals... it's tuckin' time."
Kurt glanced at Mercedes, but she didn't look as annoyed as he wanted her to look. He turned an annoyed glare on the cheerleading coach.
"No," he said firmly, and he turned and stormed out of the room.
BLAINE
Blaine mindlessly tapped the end of his pencil on the table as he sat hunched over his history book in an empty classroom after school. He was so bored.
His classes at McKinley weren't as challenging as he had grown accustomed to at Dalton. He knew that he should probably feel grateful that he could get better grades with less effort, but he didn't like feeling so uninspired.
He let his mind wander instead of actually reading. He was in the middle of a particularly crazy daydream about finding a way to bribe some of his old teachers from Dalton to come teach at McKinley when Kurt came storming into the room.
"Hey, what's up?" Blaine asked, glad for a distraction from his homework and the crushing boredom.
Kurt tossed a dress on the table, causing some of Blaine's papers to flutter to the floor.
"It's lovely?" Blaine tried to guess the problem.
"Sue wants me to wear it," Kurt huffed.
"What?" Blaine asked. "Why?"
"Because she's insane," Kurt responded. He was pacing the room, agitated. "She's all worked up about how amazing Unique is and how, if we don't have that, we're going to lose to Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals."
"Just ignore her," Blaine suggested. "She can't make you do it."
"I am not a girl!" Kurt snapped. "So what if my voice is higher than average and I prefer to spend my evenings chatting over nice food and some silly thing on the television rather than virtually massacring my friends in Call of Duty?" He fell into the chair beside Blaine and refused to make eye contact.
Blaine's chest constricted painfully. Ever since their fight over Kurt's flirting with Chandler and Kurt's admission that he sometimes felt overshadowed by Blaine's propensity to fit in with traditionally "masculine" activities, Blaine had been hyper-aware of this particular insecurity in Kurt. "You –"
"I know!" Kurt snapped. "I should just let Sue be Sue and tell her where she can shove this dress and just move on!"
Kurt yanked the dress off the table and started trying to fold it, but his frustration made the task too tedious and he quickly gave up and tossed the garment on the ground at his feet.
"What I was going to say," Blaine corrected softly, "is that you are the kindest, funniest, sexiest, most talented man I know."
Kurt's breath hitched at the compliment, and he finally met Blaine's eyes. Blaine reached out and grabbed one of Kurt's hands.
"I can't say 'I understand'," Blaine admitted. "I can imagine what it might be like, but I've always been into things that society thinks 'men' should be into..."
Kurt surprised him by looking at him with so much love in his eyes that Blaine felt his stomach swoop.
"I love those things about you," Kurt said earnestly.
Blaine's mind felt strangely jumbled, and he struggled to remember what they were talking about. "The point is... the idea is completely subjective. But, for me, 'being a man' means being yourself. And I don't know anyone who is more true to himself than you, Kurt."
Kurt smiled at that. "Thanks."
Blaine leaned down to grab the dress off the floor with his free hand. He examined it briefly before setting it down on the table beside his history book.
"I think you'd look sexy in the dress, though," he said, unable to stop himself.
Kurt smacked Blaine's shoulder, but gently enough that Blaine knew he wasn't actually upset, and as they laughed Blaine hoped that Kurt wouldn't let Sue's suggestion bother him. Kurt had enough on his plate without having to deal with a teacher's misguided ideas about what needed to happen for them to win.
BLAINE
The next day in glee club, Mr. Schu walked up to the white board and wrote the word they all had on their minds.
"Nationals," Mr. Schu announced.
The group cheered, excited that they were going to have a second chance at a national championship.
"Okay, song selection," Mr. Schu said as he stepped to the center of the room. "We'll be kicking off our 'vintage' theme with the legendary Jim Steinman's Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Rachel will do the solo, It's All –."
"– Coming Back To Me Now?" Rachel interrupted. "One of Celine Dion's most powerful ballads. Inspired by Wuthering Heights."
"And we'll be working in a new Troubletones number," Sue explained, ignoring Rachel, "utilizing the talents of our featured performer... Porcelina Hummel."
She pointed at Kurt.
"Not gonna happen, dragon lady," Kurt replied.
"Oh, you'll do as you're told, he/she" Sue countered.
Blaine was incredibly unhappy as Mr. Schu let the comment slide. Sue was known for being ridiculous, but this was mean. She was insulting Kurt's identity, and Blaine didn't approve. He was disappointed that nobody spoke up on Kurt's behalf, and a annoyed with himself when he didn't say anything either. He didn't know what to say.
"We will be performing What A Feeling from Flashdance," Sue continued, "and I'm familiar with the choreography, of course, because I was Jennifer Beals' dance double. And on that note, please look under your seats."
"Welding helmets and leg warmers?" Finn asked as they discovered the props under their chairs.
"Best way to get props is to use props," Sue explained. "A healthy dose of props, and our plucky transsexual Porcelina, and you are over the top."
"Aren't props a little cheesy?" Blaine suggested, trying to steer the conversation away from Kurt without snapping at the teacher.
"Guys, I've asked for Sue's help because she's a winner," Mr. Schu explained. "And I'm not ashamed to admit this... I wanna win. But there's not one person in that audience who will think we're anything but underdogs who will be lucky to place at Nationals. We didn't even make the top ten last year. We've got one last week to come together and shake things up. If there's anyone here who is not up for trying and working their butts off, you should just get up right now and leave."
Tina stood up and headed for the door.
"Woah, woah, Tina! Wha– Wait, where're you going?" Finn called after her.
"You guys don't need me," Tina snapped, turning around to face the room, "carry on."
Blaine glanced at Kurt, trying to figure out what was going on, but Kurt's eyes were trained on their friend.
"Tina, you don't understand," Rachel said. "I need this."
"Because you blew an audition?" Tina retorted. "That's not a reason for you to get a solo at Nationals! Maybe the rest of us would like one too."
Blaine suddenly felt uncomfortable. He knew what it was like to be the one who got all the solos by default, and he remembered how it felt when suddenly someone told you that you were overshadowing everyone else when that was never your intention.
"I wouldn't mind another one before I get deported," Rory said.
"I want one!" Sugar added. "Even though I can't sing."
"Tina, Rachel's a senior," Mike chided.
"So are you!" Tina replied. "But you can bet the only thing you'll be doing is a dance break with Brittany. Other people matter!"
Blaine saw Kurt turn to look at him out of the corner of his eye, and he met the other boy's gaze briefly. Kurt winked at him, and Blaine felt a little better.
"Tina," Mr. Schu spoke up, "you may not always get all the solos, but you are a key player. I put you in charge of costumes!"
"Wow," Tina retorted sarcastically, "like that's some prize!"
Blaine hated that Tina was so upset. She and Mike had quickly become two of his closest friends at McKinley, and Tina was one of the sweetest people he knew. This had clearly been weighing on her mind for a long time.
"You want props to move around?" Tina added. "Well, I'm a human prop and I'm sick of it!"
"Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number One," Sue suggested.
"My name is Tina!" Tina shouted. "Tina Cohen-Chang!"
She spun around and stormed out of the room.
"Isn't she the one who used to stutter?" Sue asked casually as Mike jumped to his feet to chase after Tina.
Blaine looked to Kurt for an explanation. "Long story," Kurt mouthed silently. Blaine decided that maybe he didn't even want to know.
"Okay, uh..." Mr. Schu shifted uncomfortably. "Well, let's –"
Rachel jumped to her feet and hurried out of the room without an explanation, and Mr. Schu looked incredibly confused.
"Wow, who knew that tiny Asian was such a drama queen?" Santana said casually. "Next thing we know, this one will be shouting at us, too." She nudged the back of Blaine's chair with her foot. Blaine and Kurt turned simultaneously to glare at her.
"Let's just, uh, give them time to cool off," Mr. Schu suggested. "And, in the meantime, we can work on learning the vocals for Paradise By The Dashboard Light..."
BLAINE
The next afternoon, Kurt and Blaine went to the mall after school for some junk food and to find some new clothes for Chicago. "We have to look amazing when we're out and about in the city," Kurt had insisted.
Before they did their shopping, Kurt got an ice cream cone and Blaine got a soda, and they settled into the $1 massaging chairs near a fountain in one of the mall's open areas.
"Do you ever just wonder why Sue woke up one day and decided to become a teacher, of all things?" Kurt whined as Blaine closed his eyes and tried to relax into the massaging chair.
"I mean, I'm behind you 100%," Blaine said. "Being gay doesn't mean you're a cross-dresser. I mean, that's just silly."
It was more than silly. It was absolutely ridiculous. But Blaine was too comfortable to really get fired up about it at the moment.
"Is that Tina?" Kurt asked suddenly. Blaine opened his eyes to see Tina coming down the escalator toward them. She had a bunch of fabric in her arms, and she was furiously texting on her phone.
"Hey Tina! What're you doing here?" Blaine asked happily as she walked up to them.
"Fulfilling my duties as costume coordinator and text fighting with Mike, who says my outburst in glee club was unreasonable," Tina told them.
"Well, we're getting a hot pretzel later if you want to join us," Kurt said as cheerfully as possible.
"Can't," Tina declined. "Have to go find gown fabric that doesn't clash with the high yellow undertones of Rachel Berry's complexion."
She turned and continued in the direction she had been walking before she saw Kurt and Blaine.
And promptly tripped and fell into the fountain.
"Oh! OH!" Kurt gasped as Tina fell face-first into the water.
"Oh my god," Blaine said as he jumped out of the chair and raced over to the fountain. "Tina! Tina!"
"Oh, oh! Get her!" Kurt fretted. "Get her, get her!"
Blaine reached into the fountain and grabbed their friend so he could pull her up out of the water.
He was happy to see that she was still conscious. Once he felt that she was securely seated on the side of the fountain, he let go of her.
"Oh my god, Tina, are you okay?" Blaine asked as Tina shook her head and looked incredibly confused and disoriented for a moment.
She didn't answer, but as she took her bag off, she seemed to come back to herself.
"Did she have to take in the bolt of fabric with her?" Kurt whined. "That silk charmeuse is worth like twenty-five bucks a yard."
Blaine scolded him with a disapproving glance, and Kurt sighed.
"Here," he offered a napkin.
Blaine took it from him and stuffed it into his pocket. A tiny napkin wasn't going to help.
"Are you okay?" he asked again.
Tina nodded. "I'm okay," she confirmed.
Blaine offered her a hand to help her stand up.
"I dreamed that I was Rachel," Tina said as she stood up and examined her wet clothing.
Blaine and Kurt exchanged a confused glance.
"Maybe we should go to the hospital," Blaine suggested.
"How hard did you hit your head, exactly?" Kurt asked.
Tina turned around and reached into the fountain to pull out the fabric she had been carrying when she fell.
"I'm fine, guys," she reassured them. "Embarrassed... but okay."
They helped her gather her things, and she laughed when everything was back in her arms again. It was all soaking wet.
"See you guys tomorrow," she said happily.
"Do you think she's really okay?" Kurt asked quietly as Tina turned and walked away. "I mean, what if she has a concussion or something?"
Blaine was worried too.
"Maybe I should text Mike and tell him that she hit her head," Blaine wondered out loud.
They were both silent for a moment, and Blaine decided not to tell Mike. Tina didn't seem happy with him, and Blaine didn't want to accidentally make things worse by telling Mike something Tina might not want him to know.
"Remind me never to text while doing anything but sitting in a stationary chair," Kurt said as they headed off to the next store on Kurt's list.
Blaine laughed quietly, not sure if it was appropriate. Quinn was okay, but barely. And for all he knew, Tina had a concussion that she wasn't going to tell anyone about.
"Lighten up," Kurt nudged him with his elbow. "She's okay."
"Yeah," Blaine replied noncommittally.
As they walked into the store and Kurt immediately hurried to look at something that had caught his eye, Blaine knew that he had to let go of his anxiety about Tina and just enjoy the afternoon. There were only a few weeks of school left, and then the summer would fly by. And Kurt would be gone. Blaine wanted to experience every moment that he could with Kurt before Kurt went off to college and things changed for both of them.
KURT
Two days later, Kurt approached Blaine at his locker after school with what he hoped was a valuable piece of intelligence.
"So..." he said casually, leaning against the row of lockers as Blaine gathered his books for the day, "... guess what I did last night?"
Blaine raised a curious eyebrow at him.
"I went to spy on Vocal Adrenaline," Kurt informed him.
"You –?" Blaine shook his head. "What is it with you and spying on the competition?" he teased.
"Good things tend to happen when I spy," Kurt flirted back at him.
Blaine smiled hugely and slammed his locker closed so they could walk to glee practice together.
"And?" Blaine asked, clearly wondering about Vocal Adrenaline.
"Wait and see," Kurt teased.
BLAINE
They walked into the locker room – Blaine gave Kurt a questioning glance as Kurt directed him away from the choir room, but Kurt wouldn't explain – to find that most of the other members of New Directions were already there.
Blaine sat down on the end of one of the benches, and quickly realized that there wasn't room for Kurt beside him.
"Scoot over," Kurt waved a hand, asking Brittany and Santana to move over so he could sit beside Blaine on the end of the bench.
"No, no," Santana said. "I'm all for getting my voyeurism on, but not in here."
"You wish," Kurt mumbled as he sat down on the next bench over.
Santana made a noise that suggested that maybe she did wish, and Blaine turned to look at her. She winked at him, and he shook his head and turned away.
"Please excuse the stench of mildew and jock strap," Sue addressed the group. "And focus your attention on the screen."
There was a projector screen set up at the front of the room.
"Porcelina," Sue gave the floor to Kurt. Kurt stood up.
"Yesterday, I snuck into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal," he told New Directions. "And what I saw is not for the faint of heart."
"Lights," Kurt demanded, and someone turned off the lights so they could watch the footage he had gathered at the rehearsal the day before.
"Why is this in black and white?" Sam asked as the film started and a black and white image of Unique and the rest of Vocal Adrenaline appeared on the screen.
"Because I worship The Artist," Kurt explained.
Blaine had to struggle to keep from laughing. It was a black and white silent film. About a glee club. He reminded himself to tell Kurt how much he loved him when this rehearsal was over.
"Look at that, unlucky misfit ragtag stumblebums," Sue said. "Each member of Vocal Adrenaline is in perfect sync."
"Not a step out of place," Mr. Schu reiterated. "Okay, watch this closely, guys. It's called the 'human centipede'. It's the newest, hardest, show choir dance move ever invented. Incredible."
"That actually really doesn't look that hard," Blaine said skeptically.
He didn't understand why New Directions was still stuck in the mindset that they had to struggle to do what other groups could do. They had made it to Nationals the year before. Twelfth place didn't sound great until you added "in the nation" to the result. They had been the twelfth best show choir in the entire country. That was an accomplishment. And, Blaine thought, they had improved quite a bit in the past year. Why couldn't they beat Vocal Adrenaline? They could.
And, if leading the Warblers had taught Blaine anything, it was that you didn't need stunts or props to be amazing. New Directions had great voices and great energy. That is what would make them stand out.
But he hesitated to mention his feelings on the matter to anyone in New Directions. His friends were already incredibly stressed about the upcoming competition, and pulling the "when I was in the Warblers" card would probably just upset them. They weren't the Warblers.
"And the cherry on top of the Vocal Adrenaline sundae is their secret weapon," Sue continued, ignoring Blaine completely. "Unique. Look at him/her. Poised. Confident. Pretty as a picture with a booty that won't quit. It's the Unique factor that gives Vocal Adrenaline its edge."
"Isn't Rachel our 'unique factor'?" Finn asked as Sue switched back on the lights.
Blaine nodded. Rachel wasn't their only unique factor, but Finn was on the right track.
"Not even close," Sue dismissed him. "I'm not saying that Mrs. Focker doesn't deserve a solo, but every show choir in the country has a little girl with a big nose."
"Okay, Sue," Mr. Schu scolded.
Blaine rolled his eyes.
"High school judges are proven idiots," Sue ignored him. "They love props, and Unique is the ultimate prop!"
"Do you seriously think that we need a guy to dress in drag to win?" Puck asked.
"Yes," Sue replied.
"No," Mr. Schu said simultaneously.
"It's the only way," Sue added.
"I disagree," Blaine said.
"That's just because Porcelain has you brainwashed," Sue dismissed him.
"Or maybe it's because I believe in us more than you do," Blaine retorted, frustrated.
Most of the students in the room turned to look at him, and he shrugged.
"I think we can win," he said simply.
"Of course we can win," Sue agreed.
She turned and pointed at Kurt.
"If Porcelain will get it together and put on that dress."
"I. am. not. wearing. a. dress," Kurt said.
"Guys, guys," Mr. Schu stood up. "Look... let's just not argue about it right now, okay?"
"When are we going to argue about it?" Kurt snapped. "The day of the competition?"
Mr. Schu gave him a sharp look, and Blaine watched as Kurt battled with his emotions and managed to remain silent.
"Rachel," Mr. Schu said, "why don't you and –"
"Kurt," Rachel offered.
"– Kurt," Mr. Schu agreed, "go back to the choir room and work on your number? The rest of us will go to the auditorium and work on choreography."
"Yay!" Sugar exclaimed, and Blaine realized that he was going to have to remain silent on the issue of Sue's ridiculous behavior regarding Kurt. For now. This was the moment when they needed to band together and focus. Focus on winning at Nationals in just a few days.
BLAINE
The next day in glee club, Puck came in a dress.
Blaine couldn't help it. He laughed. Puck's eagerness to do whatever it took to win was so endearing, and the outfit was so hilarious, that Blaine couldn't stop giggling.
And, to Blaine's relief, Puck's drastic entrance resulted in Mr. Schu finally stepping in and calling Sue out on the ridiculousness of her props idea. Kurt would not have to wear the dress and perform as a girl at Nationals.
Now they could really focus.
BLAINE
On Friday afternoon, Blaine and Kurt met in the parking lot before getting on the bus with the rest of their classmates.
"Did you sleep last night?" Blaine asked as he reached out to hold Kurt's hand as they walked toward the waiting bus.
"No," Kurt admitted. "You?"
"Not really," Blaine said cheerfully.
"I can't believe we're going to Nationals again," Kurt said as he noticed the banner someone had made for the side of their bus.
"Or, for some of us, for the first time," Blaine reminded him.
Kurt laughed. "True," he agreed.
"I'm glad we're going together this time," Kurt added after a short pause.
"Me too," Blaine smiled at him. He was so glad. He got to spend time with Kurt and experience competing at the national level. It was going to be a great weekend.
Blaine let go of Kurt's hand as they climbed onto the bus, and the moved toward the back of the vehicle to find seats. They each took a seat – across the aisle from each other – because it would give them more room for the almost-five hour drive.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of Rachel and Tina singing, and Blaine jumped up to stick his upper half out the window to greet them as they arrived. Mike ran by on his way to help Tina onto the bus, and Blaine reached out and high-fived him as he passed.
When everyone was on the bus and the girls finished their song, it was time to go.
"Let's go to Nationals!" Mr. Schu shouted.
The bus erupted into cheers, and Sue started the bus.
Rachel, who was sitting directly behind Blaine, reached out and tugged on the back of his shirt. He twisted around toward the window to look at her as she hung over the back of his seat.
"Feeling good?" she asked excitedly.
Blaine nodded.
He was feeling better than good. He was on his way to Nationals. With a group that had struggled to accept him at first, but that had eventually embraced him. They were his friends. It felt amazing.
When he twisted back around, Kurt was sitting beside him.
"Too far away," Kurt explained with a shrug of his shoulders.
They spent the first few hours chatting – with each other and with their friends – but as time wore on the rocking of the bus and their lack of sleep the night before started to catch up with them.
By the time they reached Chicago, late at night, Blaine was leaning on the window and Kurt was cuddled into his shoulder. And they were both fast asleep.
Up next... 'Nationals'! :)