Chapter 22

As soon as we appear in my study I let go of Ruby and run to the restroom and vomit. I can't hold back the strangled cries as the contents of my stomach release into the toilet bowl.

This continues for several minutes before I feel ready to back away and lean against the tub with my head in my hands. How could things go so terribly wrong so fast?

How could she even think of doing…. that to me. I can't even believe it just happened. What am I going to tell Henry? Oh no, Henry, hasn't he been through enough?

Emma clearly cannot be around anyone right now. Oh God, Emma. I can't even begin to feel bad for her because of the anger coursing through my body.

How dare she, I know she's the dark one, but I never thought she could do or say such things. They come from the darkness that is in all of us, but to say all those things. She had to have felt that way deep inside of her.

She had to have those feelings, those thoughts of me, and she was just set free, allowed herself to give in to her deepest darkest desires. Set free to do whatever she wanted to me. To take advantage of me, my body, my soul….

I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. And I wont. No matter who she is, no matter if I fucking love her, I will never be that weak again.

I knew love was weakness. Maybe mother was right all along.

I was so foolish. Well thank you Emma for reminding me, perhaps mother really does know best.

Emma never loved me; if she did she would have never try to do what she just did.

She's no better than the rest of her lineage. A lineage that has tortured, hurt and betrayed me in every possible way.

From her mother, to her grandfather, to even her son. Henry, such a sweet boy, but he had also turned his back on me so easily. Just pushed me aside like yesterday's leftovers, and had embraced his charming and perfect new family without even a second glance.

Oh who have I been kidding?

Who was I trying to be? Someone that they would one day respect, maybe even welcome into their family, or even truly love.

Well that was simply a foolishly girls wishes, a foolish girl indeed.

A foolish girl who is sick and tired of the shit that everyone throws her way.

Maybe I need to bury that girl, that lost lovesick girl who has come to the surface recently.

Maybe it was time to let the real Regina, the strong, confident, and all powerful woman back out.

Oh no, I will never let anyone put me in that position again.

That's for damn sure.

I stand up and head towards the mirror and as I look at my reflection I see the woman I was looking at earlier, but this time I see the beginning of bruises appearing on my neck where Emma's hands had been and then the mirror is shattering into a million pieces all around the room.

I look down and see my hands are shaking uncontrollably and I only hear static noise.

I will myself to try and regain some sort of control, but all I can hear is the thumping of my heart, and all I can feel is rage.

Why am I even fighting the inevitable? Maybe Emma was right about one thing, I am one of the most powerful people and maybe it has been too long since I've been able to harness that power.

Then I look over to the side of the room and I see one of Henry's shirts and the weight of my thoughts hits me like a blow to the face.

What am I thinking, I can't do this.

I promised Henry, I promised to be better, to love and care for him.

But where has that gotten me?

I reach for his shirt and bring it to my face, it smells of him and I think that if anyone can ground me right now it's him.

I cannot lose myself. Not again, not because of her, or anyone. I have to fight it, this overwhelming feeling to give in; to go to that cell and rip her heart out of her chest and squeeze till its merely dust.

I step into the tub and push myself into the corner.

As I bring Henry's shirt to my face again I see him walking away from me. I see his looks of disappointment. The light shatters above me.

I need to focus on the good.

Rocking back and forth I picture him smiling at me when he's 4 years old; that toothless grin, those bright trusting eyes.

Taking a deep breath I try to focus on his face, but then another face enters my mind. Emma's face that morning when she nearly burned down my house attempting to make me breakfast, and her embarrassed grin.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, I try to normalize it and then I feel her on top of me, but no it's not her, its Leopold again. Pushing further into me, taking my grunts of pain as grunts of pleasure, or as if he even cared. All I ever was for him was a body, an empty vessel to impregnate.

I'm suffocating, I cant breathe, I need to get out of here.

Just as I am about to vanish, I hear the door slam open and into the wall behind it.

I crouch again and am ready to strike whoever is behind the door.

"Stay where you are or I swear I'll kill you!" I yell threateningly when I see Ruby.

She looks terrible, and that's when I realize that she has broken the door down.

I try to take another breath.

"Regina" she slowly walks towards me with her hands up and I can hear the mirror and light shards cracking under her feet.

"It's ok; I swear I do not want to hurt you." She tells me, and she's using that same voice she uses with Emma, the one where she doesn't want to scare her off.

"Stay where you are. Don't come any closer" I warn her, and I know she's trying to help, but I can't trust her. I am trying, but I just can't.

"Ok, ok, I won't come any closer, but you've been in here for a long time, and I heard noises, I've been calling for you…" She says as she takes in the room around her.

"I… I can't control it right now…" I tell her, and I instantly feel weak.

My mother would laugh at how pathetic I've become.

"No, its ok, I understand, but Regina look at me." She says, her voice becoming firmer that I do actually look up, even in the darkness of the room I can see the seriousness of her eyes.

"This is not your fault. Regina, none of this was your fault. What Emma did is not okay, and there is no excuse. You need to believe me when I say this. I just want to help you." She says to me pleadingly.

I laugh, I actually start to laugh uncontrollably, and then I stop abruptly and look at her.

"Help me? Oh please, you know what. You can just leave now Ms. Lucas, your offer for help is duly noted. Actually get out of here before things become more dangerous for you." I tell her, and I know that I shouldn't push. But I can't let her see me like this. I can't let anyone see me as weak ever again.

I stand straighter, and then I look her dead in the eye and am surprised to see that she is not at all buying what I just said to her.

"You are going to have to physically remove me if you want me to leave, I'm serious Regina, and I am not leaving you tonight." She says and I begin to walk towards her.

I get right into her face and start to push her out of the room.

"Really, this is your last warning Ms. Lucas, you do not want me to do this." I tell her, but my strength is waning by the moment, the rage I felt before is being replaced with something else, but I don't know what.

I push her into the hallway and towards the front door and she's not pushing back. I'm glad for it because I no longer want to hurt her. I just need to be alone. I need to figure out what is happening.

As we get to the door I reach for the doorknob and she grabs my hand.

I instantly shock her with my hand and she goes flying towards the middle of the hallway where we just left.

I'm shaking again, "I warned you, get the hell out of my house." I yell at her as she gathers her bearings and comes back towards me.

"I said no, and I meant it. You are going to have to kill me Regina." She says not backing down as she gets closer.

I back up until my back is to the front door and she stops 6 feet from me.

"You need to leave." I tell her, but this time my voice cracks and I feel a pressure building in me again as my eyes blur.

She takes another step closer.

I bring a fireball in my hand as I grind my teeth and hold back the tears that are threatening to fall at any moment.

This makes her stop her ascent, but now she's reaching for me. "Please trust me, I will not hurt you. I'm here. Don't push me away." She pleads.

"I can't, I'm sorry." I whisper, a single tear falling, my resistance fading fast.

"Just take my hand, please Regina." She says as she closes the gap and brings her hand ever so slowly towards my fireball. "Please" she says one last time.

As the fireball disappears from my hand I reach forward and take her hand as she envelopes me into a gentle hug, and finally the dam breaks as I let the tears fall freely my breathe heaving in and out of my chest.

We sink to the ground as she rocks me slowly in her arms, and I cannot hold back the loud cry that leaves my lips.

She doesn't say anything for longest time as we sit there on the floor, her gently holding me as I finally let myself lean on the first genuine friend I've had as I slowly cry myself to sleep.

…

I hear a key entering the door behind me when I am waking from my haze, and realize that Ruby and I are still on the floor in the foyer.

I look around and see Ruby quickly rising from the floor, and I can faintly hear Henry speaking to someone outside.

Ruby crouches down to me and whispers, "It's Henry, I'll just get rid of him, don't worry." She assures me as I nod and slowly move away from the door, still sitting on the floor.

My head is throbbing, and based on how dark it is I'd have to guess its early evening.

"Oh hey Ruby, what are you doing here?" I hear Henry say as he tries to get in the house.

"Hey Henry" she says trying to block the door, but I know its no use because I can already hear in his voice that he's intrigues as to why she is here.

"Oh your mom has a migraine, I came to check on her…" Ruby says, as she looks back behind the door at me.

I try to gesture that it's ok to let him in, and then I transport myself to my room, landing on my bed with a thud.

It wouldn't be a far stretch to say I had a migraine as my head is definitely throbbing even more right now.

I think back to yesterday and feel myself becoming worked up again, so I slowly make my way to my restroom and grab a heavy sleeping pill I have in my medicine cabinet, taking it dry and going back to my bed.

I'm too physically exhausted to do anything else so I use magic to change my clothes and try to quickly fall to sleep again, wanting to just forget everything for a bit longer.

…..

I feel a body molded behind me, and as I stir awake I feel strong arms tighten around my waist.

It feels nice and warm and I lean back into it and start to drift back off to sleep when the events of the day come rushing back to me.

I quickly dislodge myself from whoever is behind me and sit up.

I blink back the sleepiness in my eyes, now on full alert to see that I'm on the floor with blankets surrounding me.

"Regina, come back to sleep… it's early." I hear Emma huff out and I jump at the voice, quickly getting to my feet, ready to strike as I try to conjure up a fireball.

It's then that I take in the blond lying on the floor, her innocent and slightly confused face looking up at me through sleepy eyes.

I look a little lower, now that she has sat up to see that she is topless, and as I look down I realize that I am too, leaving us both only in our underwear.

Before I can control it, my hands dart up as I cover my chest, and this brings a chuckle out of her lips, "Um.. Regina I think it's a little late to be modest now" she rasps out while smiling up at me and it makes something in my stomach flip.

I have so many conflicted emotions right now that I cannot speak.

I don't know what the hell is going on, but I know that I have to be back in that alternate reality, and of course I would go right back to where we left off.

She slowly gets up and approaches me, but I'm not paying attention until I feel a hand come up to caress my cheek and that's when I look up and see our close proximity. I immediately jump back from her touch, and when I look up I see the hurt that flashes in her eyes.

"Emma… I…" I try to come up with something to say, but I control how my body is reacting to her right now. Part of me wants to run to her, and the other part wants to run away.

She's looking down now, and I know I've hurt her.

She clears her throat, "Oh, no it's ok, I get it Regina. I mean it's not like we planned to do what we did last night. Actually I really need to go umm… and get ready for work." She says to me as she starts to try and find her clothes that are scattered around the room.

I still haven't moved, although I have dropped my hands back down, too frozen to care that I am exposed in this way. I still do not know what to say. I don't want her to go. God, how I have missed this Emma. But I cannot be around her right now; not with the way I'm feeling.

But I need to do something. I cannot let her feel unwanted. Even after what she's done to me, this is not that Emma. This is the Emma I fell in love with.

"Emma, wait. This, what's happening right now with me, it's not because I don't want us to…. be closer. I just need some time." I tell her, pleading with her with my eyes, and I wonder now just who it is that I'm convincing.

She looks up at me as I'm saying this and I can see her own conflicting emotions run across her face.

Then she's throwing down her clothes and walking towards me with purpose.

I back up until my backside hits the desk and before I know it she's standing determinedly and confidently in front of me.

"You" she says coming closer until we are inches apart. "You can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. I meant what I said last night. I am willing to wait for you, you are so worth it Regina." She whispers out the last part and I exhale at the emotion she evokes in me.

And then I'm crying, I'm crying because I wish so much for this to be real. I wish for her to come back with me somehow, to our real world, and be with Henry and me; to not be the Dark One.

I cry harder when I realize that wishes do not come true, they never will; not for people like me.

As I hiccup I look up to see her smiling at me and realize that's she's been rubbing my arms with her hands, she's been wiping away my tears as they were falling and I don't hesitate to close the gap between us as I bring her lips to mine.

With my eyes closed I can feel so much more of her. It's true what they say, that our senses are heightened when we are not using all 5 of them because I can feel her everywhere. I feel her arms around me and I feel her heart beating against mine.

I pull back and look at her to see her looking adoringly at me. It makes a few more tears come out and she swiftly wipes those away.

"What's going on Regina? Don't get me wrong, I love this emotional woman in front of me, but it doesn't seem like you, it seems like something has changed overnight." She says as she pulls me close again, this time peppering some kisses down my neck, and on my shoulder.

"Do you mean it?" I ask her once I register what she's just said.

"Huh?" she says between kisses, so I have to pull back to stop her.

"You just said you love me." I tell her looking deeply in her eyes as I feel my heart pounding so hard in anticipation.

"Well… um…" she looks unsure then, and I pull back, ofcourse it's just a figure of speech.

I feel so silly, as I flush in embarrassment and try to turn around.

"No wait; I just didn't want to say is like that… But it guess it's as good a time as any right?" she asks me pulling me back to look at her.

"What are you…" I ask, I just want to go hide somewhere, I feel like such a fool.

"Regina… How could I not love you? I mean.. yes I do, I meant it.. ugggh.. what I'm trying to say is I love you Regina." She finally let's out cannot fight the huge grin that breaks out on my face.

I also cannot stop myself when I finally tell her, "I love you too Emma, so much more than you can understand."

She looks relieved with that and pulls me into a gentle and quick kiss before she lifts me off the floor, carrying me bride style until we get back to the area we slept and gently lays me down.

"And what do you think you are doing Ms. Swan?" I ask her in a teasing tone as she comes to lie beside me and pulls a blanket over us.

"Well, I just thought we could enjoy a few more hours of sleep before we have to face reality." She says as she scoots closer to me and pulls me so that I'm facing her and she's got her arms around me.

She has no clue how right she is about that. It makes me sad to realize that I don't know when or if I will ever return to this place.

"Hey" she says lifting my chin to look at her. "What's wrong now?" she asks, concern as well as annoyance lacing her tone.

"Nothing dear, would you believe me if I said I just never want this moment to end?" I ask her and I bring an arm around her torso, pulling her closer into me.

"Don't worry, you're like.. stuck with me now." She teases and I have to swallow back my urge to cry again. I really have become an emotional wreck.

"Will you just tell me again, before sleep takes over?" I ask in a meek voice.

"Tell ya what?" she asks.

I just raise my eyebrow at her and she giggles, turning red.

"I love you" she says shyly, and it has the same affect, as my heart feels so full.

"And I you, my dear. Always remember that, no matter what may happen. You made me love you, I don't think I ever had a choice in the matter." I tell her as I gently bring my hand to her face and kiss her slowly, trying to imprint this moment; this memory into my mind forever.

….

A/N I hope you all enjoyed that chapter… I hope it wasn't confusing with the time jump again. As always your reviews are greatly appreciated.