What.
The.
Fuckkity.
Fuck.
But...
You probably thought I'd punch him in the balls or kick him in the teeth - or the other way around? - or do all sorts of typical Lovino-style things to him (and shiiiit that really sounded so fucking perverted) but I didn't.
Because I realized that two could play this game.
Because I wouldn't shed a single fucking tear if he broke his heart after I died.
Because you're dead, of course, my helpful brain said.
And I melted into the kiss like a fucking teenager.
A-and I felt the last bits of my manliness/straight-ness melt away too.
...
While I was mentally shutting myself up Antonio pulled away, smiling oh-so-blindingly-bright at me.
It was just a single, chaste press of lips, and I didn't even have time to close my eyes.
B-but his lips had felt n-nice anyway, but that's not the point.
My heart was hammering and I was sure my face was -
"Ah, you're so cute! Your face is like a tomato," Antonio cooed, pinching my cheeks.
There was a soft squeal of delight behind me.
"Like, aren't you two totally the cutest thing since, like, twincest, I mean, kittens?"
GAH!
Feliks grinned at us, one hand on his hip and the other pointed at us. He was wearing a schoolgirl-ish outfit today with his hair in a ponytail.
He was so fucking gay he wasn't gay anymore; he was totally a chick with a dick.
...
While my brain was slowly turning into pink mush, Feliks skipped over to Toris and threw his arms around the poor guy and kissed him full on the mouth.
And Toris dropped whatever the fuck he was doing - cleaning up after us, by the way - and kissed Feliks back.
W-with tongue.
I was feeling a little sick watching those two suck at each other's faces, though the other stylists (male or female) just stood there and ogled oh so shamelessly.
Then I realized that Antonio's hands were still cupped around my face and I quickly stepped back, looking wildly for the exit.
I discreetly rubbed my lips, mentally cursing the bastard who stole my first kiss from me.
That fucking thief!
Antonio made wild arm gestures at me, which could either mean he was suffering from epilepsy or "Look! An elevator!"
I assumed it was the second option because there indeed was an open elevator waiting for us.
Antonio cleared his throat and finally the display of Lithuanian/Polish soft porn ended.
"Like, totally sorry for making you guys, like, wait, but I just had to congratulate Liet on the totally gorgeous costumes!" Feliks said, tugging on Toris's wrist and waving us towards the elevator.
"Where are we going?" Antonio asked, walking ahead of me.
Or I was walking behind to sneak glances at his glorious ass.
"The District 12 team will be staying on the twelfth floor of the Training Center, where you will prepare yourselves for the games," Toris explained, albeit a bit breathlessly.
We piled in and it was a pretty amazing elevator because it seemed to be made of crystal so you can watch people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up in the air.
But since I was too busy staring at Antonio's nice back, I didn't see much else.
I am not obsessed with him, alright? He was just there, in front of me.
...
Oh, go fuck yourself.
Anyway, my room was gorgeous- soo plushy- with a hairdryer that detangles your hair (nope, not going to risk my curl trying that out), a programmable closet (OHMIGOSH REALLY?), and a giant menu with food that appears on command.
...
Oh, did I mention that closet?
...
I think I'm in shock right now.
...
I think I also screamed like a little bitch.
...
Maybe I'll just skip dinner and try on a bazillion different outfits.
Then I smacked myself for acting even more like a bitch - no, like Feliks - and so I said farewell to my motherfucking awesome closet for like, five minutes while I showered.
Then I wore the classiest outfit ever and made me look so fucking beautiful - no manly - that I almost cried tears of joy.
And then I walked around and started sampling every type of pasta they had to offer and I was on my tenth mini-plate when they called me to dinner.
Good. I was fucking starving.
We sat around and ate dinner and I think I drank too much wine because everything is fuzzy and I laugh whenever Antonio fucking said anything.
They brought in a huge cake and set it ablaze with alcohol and all I could think was "oooh I hope it doesn't fucking melt the frosting."
Then I saw the waitress girl serving us. She looked Ukrainian (don't ask me how the fuck I knew this) and she had short blond hair, teal eyes, and dressed in white like the other servers.
And she had boobs the size of fucking whales.
...
What? It should be mentioned, dammit. They're worth it.
…
"Hey, I know you! I know you!" I said, then cringed, because I sounded like my gay-ish brother when I was drunk.
And I swear I wasn't talking to her rather "huge tracts of land."
The poor girl looked terrified and seemed to try to shrink behind her huge boobs- (Sorry, I just really couldn't unsee them).
I began to feel queasy, and it wasn't just from the food and alcohol.
Feliks peered at me, his own cheeks tinted pink from the wine. "That's, like, totally impossible. She's, like, and Avox."
"What's an Avox?" I asked stupidly.
Feliks flicked blond tresses over a shoulder. "An Avox, is like, someone who committed a crime, like treason, and totally has their tongue cut out."
Like, EW.
"And you're totally not supposed to talk to them unless you're, like, giving an order."
"B-but-" I started.
"She looks like Roddy Edelstein, right?" Antonio cut in.
I stared at him. Roddy - Roderich - Edelstein was one of Antonio's weird gay-ass friends at school, was fucking male (I think so anyway),and a stuffy, repressed, sex-starved idiot who would spend hours on his precious piano playing shitty German music but claiming that the music was composed by Austrians.
Pissed the hell out of Ludwig. The Austrian stealing his potato music.
If that chick was dipshit Roderich, then I was a hundred percent straight.
Which I am.
...
Ok. Maybe a teensy bit leaning towards, you know, the other side.
But I swear even if you were a 100% straight, homophobic manly man, you would immediately turn gay-as-rainbows-and-pink-frosting too upon seeing that hot Spanish bastard.
...
ANYWAY.
I knew what a lifesaver looked like when it was being thrown to me.
"Yeah!" I said loudly. "Looks totally like that prick - I mean that chick I know from school."
The entire table relaxed.
"Oh, that's okay then," Toris said. "Because then you wouldn't have any associations with her at all."
I didn't like the tone of warning in his voice.
Antonio turned to me. "It must be the eyes," he said, continuing the charade. "And maybe the hair too."
"And the boobs," I said bluntly, but nobody was paying attention to me anymore.
Whew.
We watched the replay of the opening ceremony and I wanted to fucking hide under the table because it was not me who was smiling and blowing kisses.
Nonno looks pleased with the result, which is quite a difficult expression with the amount of alcohol he's had. "Who's idea was it to hold hands?"
"Mine," Toris said, trying to get Feliks to sit up, who was completely smashed.
"Jjjjust the perfect touch of reeebellion," Nonno slurred. "Verrrrry nice."
I was anxious to get out of there, and so was Antonio. We excused ourselves and Antonio suggested that we chat on the roof because the wind would mask our voices.
We were so ninja.
The scene from the roof was great and shit. It was more of a garden, so we sat leaning against a stone bench, watching the little lights flicker by on the roads.
"I wonder if anyone tried to escape by jumping off," I mused, leaning my head against Antonio's warm shoulder.
"They can't. It's electrified." He waited patiently for my explanation of the Avox.
I pretended I was examining a blossom, but then something crawled over my fingers and I shrieked like a bitch.
Antonio laughed, and because he was so brave and a man and shit, he casually brushed whatever it was off my fingers.
"So Sadik and I were hunting one day and we saw the chick and a younger boy - her brother maybe? - running. They had on the shitty expensive Capitol clothes, so of course they were from the Capitol."
Antonio nodded at my brilliant logic.
"They were in some sort of deep shit, but we couldn't do anything. A hovercraft came, and they fucking shot the boy with a spear like he was some animal and hauled him up that way. The girl screamed but they captured her in a net."
I shuddered, remembering the spray of blood raining down on us.
It took three weeks for the bloodstains to wash out of my jacket.
You're so fucking shallow, aren't you Lovino? Worry about clothing when someone died.
"Do you think they saw you?"
I shook my head. "I definitely saw that chick's boobs, which is how I recognized her, but I don't think they saw me. Because I was a super spy and camouflaged like one too!"
Or it could've just been Sadik piling leaves on me.
Anyway that last part I told Antonio was a lie. Because the girl with the huge boobs stared right at me, and her eyes burned into my soul.
And I did nothing.
While I was wallowing in Emo-World, Antonio looked thoughtful. "I wonder why they ran away. I'd leave this place," he blurted, then looked around anxiously.
"I mean, I'll go home and be with my family again," he said smoothly, and laughed. Any eavesdropping asshole would just think he was a scared, homesick Tribute.
"So, who's Sadik?" Antonio asked casually, draping an arm over my shoulders.
I fucking tried to dislocate his shoulder, but I had a little too much to drink and fingers were too uncoordinated for such a sophisticated action, so I just just pinched him really hard.
"Ow! That's mean!" he whined, rubbing his arm.
"Sadik is my friend," I answered shortly.
"Is he your cousin? Did he come to see you on your last day in District 12?"
"What the fuck is this?" I snapped. "The Spanish Inquisition?"
He stared at me for a moment, which those stupidly beautiful eyes of his, before grinning. "You don't even know what the Spanish Inquisition was, Lovi!"
"Do too!" I paused. "It's like a job interview, right?"
Antonio laughed, and I was going to punch him for laughing at me, but his laugh was just so fucking charming that I spared him.
I shivered and stood up. It was getting too damn cold. So I told Antonio I was going back to my room and designing a new wardrobe.
Antonio just raised an eyebrow and said that if I'd stayed he'd warm me up.
I didn't think it was with a heater pulled out of the air - or the electrified force field - so I reluctantly - no, quickly! - backed away from his very t-tempting - I mean perverted! - offer.
...
It sounded even less convincing than I thought.
So I went back to my room with my head swimming with Antonio - no - with clothing designs when I realized that the big-breasted Avox girl was collecting my unitard and weird leather strapped outfit from the bathroom.
I cleared my throat and she looked up with me with huge eyes.
They weren't resentful, but they weren't exactly friendly either.
So I chose the Italian solution to everything in this weird little thing called life:
I gave up and ran away.
I kicked off my shoes and dove under my very fluffy covers of the bed and lost the mood for designing clothing - gasp!
I peeked over the top of my blanket just in time to watch the Avox leave. Her boobs were so big that she was already half a foot out the door before she was actually out the door.
I buried my face into the pillow, and let me tell you that is a difficult thing to do without purposely suffocating yourself.
...
I wonder if she'll enjoy watching me die.