A second tribute episode for Britney Spears... a strange choice, I think, but okay. And Kurt still didn't get a song, even though the whole thing was his idea in season 2! So, of course, I had to give him one. ;) I think it probably makes more sense in my mind than when it's written out (it's weird to try to write a performance, you know? So I tried to be vague with the details so you can imagine it however you like), but I hope it makes sense. Kurt would definitely be wearing eyeliner, that's all I'm saying in advance.
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
After Kurt found Rachel in Central Park, the rest of the day was a blur. Rachel took him to NYADA and showed him around, they ate every kind of stereotypically "New York" food they could get their hands on, and they talked and talked and talked about what was possible now that they were both in the city.
By the time Kurt made it back to his hotel that evening, he was so tired that he didn't even take off his shoes before throwing himself face-down on the bed.
The morning – when he had said goodbye to Blaine and his father and Ohio – seemed like a week ago. He had been on a plane less than twelve hours ago. It was all a blur.
He called his father first to tell him all about his first day in the city. Yes, the hotel was fine. Yes, he felt safe. Yes, Rachel had been happy to see him. Yes, they were planning to hunt for places to live as soon as possible. Yes, he had washed his hands after getting back to the hotel via the Subway.
Then, he called Blaine.
"Hi!" Blaine answered, delighted. "How's New York?"
"It's amazing," Kurt gushed. "Hi."
He went through many of the same questions and answers with Blaine as with his father, with a few extras. How was Rachel? What was NYADA like?
"Also," Kurt added, especially exhausted after telling Blaine as much as he remembered about the NYADA campus, "I think I'm going to apply to Vogue dot com."
"What?" Blaine gasped.
"Oh," Kurt realized that the idea had just been in his head so far. This was the first Blaine was hearing of it. "Yeah. I mean, it seems like a long shot, I guess, but why not?"
"Kurt, yes!" Blaine encouraged. "It's not a long shot at all! You're the most stylish, handsome person I know."
"I'm going to make a website with a bunch of my fashion," Kurt explained. "I'm hoping maybe the visual will give me a tiny edge. Get me noticed, anyway. Can you send me any decent photos of me wearing decent outfits?"
"Sure," Blaine agreed, and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice.
"Who knows," Kurt mused, "maybe fashion can be my backup plan."
"You could do both," Blaine suggested.
"Yeah," Kurt teased, "and, when I am a famous fashion designer, you'll get a discount on all of my clothing."
Blaine hummed approvingly and Kurt rolled his eyes.
"What?" Blaine asked, reading into Kurt's moment of silence.
"You're lucky I love you so much," Kurt mumbled.
"I am," Blaine agreed happily.
Kurt was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. "I need to..." he tried to stifle a yawn, but it escaped and made the same point as the words he had planned to say.
"It's your first night in New York," Blaine sighed, his voice a little strangled.
"It's my first night in New York," Kurt repeated.
It was his first night in New York.
"Sleep well, okay?" Blaine added. "Sweet dreams."
"You too," Kurt said. "Love you."
"Love you," Blaine echoed, and Kurt didn't know which one of them ended the call because he was already drifting off to sleep.
BLAINE
The next morning at school, Blaine passed Brittany in the hallway and realized she was talking to herself.
"...vice-Rachel of the glee club, and now I'm planning a Middle East-style sham election that will install me as senior class president for life."
"Brittany, who are you talking to?" Blaine had to ask.
"I thought I was doing a voiceover," Brittany explained.
Blaine realized that he would never understand and decided to just walk away. "Okay," he allowed as he wondered how Brittany made it to school in one piece every morning.
That afternoon at glee club, Blaine decided he should probably mention Brittany's weird behavior to Mr. Schu.
"Mr. Schu?" Blaine caught the teacher's attention after most of the other students had left the room after rehearsal. "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Blaine, yes, absolutely!" Mr. Schu acknowledged, glancing around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. "What's up?"
"I'm worried about Brittany," Blaine confessed.
"Worried how?" Mr. Schu asked.
"Well," Blaine thought about it, "ever since she lost the competition to be captain of New Directions, she just seems... bored. And she was talking to herself in the hallway this morning. Giving herself a voiceover."
"Hm," Mr. Schu acknowledged.
"We need to do something," Blaine said. "She's probably missing Santana and feeling bad about herself because she didn't graduate last year."
Mr. Schu looked thoughtful for a moment. "She loves Britney Spears..." he mused.
"Yes!" Blaine agreed. "Didn't you do Britney Spears week two years ago?"
"Yeah, don't you– oh, wow, you weren't here yet," Mr. Schu remember. "You're such a key member of our team now that it seems like you've always been here. How's Kurt?"
"Thank you," Blaine nodded appreciatively. "Kurt's adjusting to New York brilliantly, of course. Thanks for asking."
"Glad to hear it!" Mr. Schu smiled. "And Britney Spears week to lift Brittany's spirits sounds great, Blaine."
"Artie and I have been messing around with a mash-up that's half Britney, half Justin Bieber," Blaine suggested, suddenly realizing that their goofing off could kick off the week's theme. "Maybe we could perform it for her tomorrow during glee rehearsal?"
"Sounds perfect," Mr. Schu agreed.
"Okay," Blaine nodded. "Well, uh, see you tomorrow!"
"Have a great evening, Blaine," Mr. Schu smiled.
Blaine hurried out of the choir room and hoped that Artie hadn't gone home yet. Sometimes he spent the afternoon messing around with the film equipment...
"Artie!" Blaine grinned, happy to see Artie hunched over a computer in the media studies classroom.
"Howdy," Artie waved without looking away from the screen.
"You know that mash-up we've been working on?" Blaine reminded him. "Want to perform it for everyone tomorrow in glee club?"
Artie finally turned his head to look at Blaine as Blaine walked up beside him. "Because...?" he asked.
"Brittany's not herself," Blaine explained. "And doesn't Britney Spears always cheer her up?"
"If it didn't before, it sure will once we couple it with the Biebs!" Artie said enthusiastically, raising a hand for a high five. "Hell yeah."
"Thanks, man," Blaine laughed. "Do you think we need to rehearse any more or should we just wing it?"
"Let's wing it," Artie replied. "We're cool enough to make it work with just the sheer force of our personalities. Am I right or am I right?"
"I guess we'll find out tomorrow," Blaine teased, smiling widely. "Thanks, Artie."
BLAINE
"Great news, guys!" Mr. Schu announced the following afternoon at the start of glee rehearsal. "Principal Figgins has asked us to perform at the annual back-to-school pep rally this week. Now, I understand our national champions' street cred has dropped a little bit since school started, but this is our chance to really wow them and get it back."
"What are we going to perform?" Joe asked.
"Good question," Mr. Schu said as he turned to walk to the white board. "We're a family in here and, when one of our family is falling down, it's up to us to get together to pick them back up."
He wrote "Britney 2.0".
"Oh my god, are we doing Britney week again?" Tina asked.
"You really came into your own during the last Britney week," Mr. Schu said to Brittany. "You showed us the best of Britney: youth, energy, confidence. She inspires you and you inspire us. So, everyone prepare a Britney song for the week and we're gonna pick one to do for the pep rally. And I've asked Blaine and Artie to give us a little taste of what we're looking for."
"This one's for you, Brittany," Blaine told her as he stood up and moved to the front of the room with Artie.
Their mash-up of Britney Spears' Boys and Justin Bieber's Boyfriend had happened accidentally at lunch during the first week of school. Marley had never heard of a mash-up before, so Artie and Blaine had tried to make one up on the spot. After a few failed combinations, they had managed to successfully produce one line of Boys/Boyfriend, and they had been so pleased with themselves that they decided to mash-up the entire songs one day after school.
Blaine had a blast performing the song for the group. Brittany looked unimpressed through the entire song, but Marley and the other girls, in particular, seemed to love it.
"So, Britt, what'd you think?" Artie asked when they finished.
"I'm once again inspired by the awesomeness of Britney," Brittany said. "Thanks, Mr. Schu."
"I'm glad!" Mr. Schu smiled. "We're always here for you, Brittany. Thanks, Blaine. Artie," he added.
Blaine wasn't sure that he believed Brittany's positive feedback, but he decided not to argue. They couldn't expect her to just bounce out of her seat and be cheerful again.
"Alright," Mr. Schu said as Blaine and Artie returned to sit with the other students, "split up into groups and work on ideas for Britney week..."
KURT
Rachel had class at NYADA all day, so Kurt spent the morning working a website of photographs for his Vogue dot com application. He had to sit in the hotel lobby; it was the only place in the building where his laptop got decent Internet signal.
He finished quickly – to his surprise, he didn't have to weed out many disasters – so he decided to go ahead and fill out the actual Vogue dot com application. But, when he was ready to hit "send", he hesitated.
Could he really do both? Fashion and performing? What if he got into NYADA in a few months? Could he be a full time student and a full time intern?
Kurt rolled his eyes at himself and submitted the application. He hadn't been accepted to NYADA or Vogue dot com yet, so why was he worried? He would deal with everything as it came his way.
That evening, Kurt was getting ready to go meet Rachel for dinner when Blaine called.
"Well, hello," Kurt answered, putting the phone on speaker so he could get dressed while they chatted.
"Hello, yourself," Blaine replied. "Guess what?"
"What?" Kurt asked.
"We're doing Britney Spears week in glee club!" Blaine told him.
"Ah! I'm missing it!" Kurt wailed dramatically, pausing to press both hands over his chest even though Blaine couldn't see him.
"Sorry," Blaine teased.
"It's fine," Kurt sighed heavily. "I guess I'll get over it... in a week. Or so."
"Well, we're performing at the pep rally later this week, so you can be glad you get to miss that," Blaine reassured him. "Everyone always looks so bored."
"Bored is better than rioting," Kurt mused.
"True," Blaine allowed. "So, what's new in the Big Apple?"
"Well," Kurt explained, excited, "Rachel and I are going to look at an apartment in Bushwick tomorrow!"
"No way!" Blaine squirmed happily on his bed. "What's like on paper?"
"Looks good," Kurt said. "A realtor friend of one of Rachel's dads found it for us. So, basically, if we like it, we get it. It's much larger than anything we could find in Manhattan for the same price – which is still outrageous, by the way – so we could each have our own little space. It's a loft, so no walls, but my dad had the idea to hang big curtain rods."
"Sounds perfect," Blaine agreed. "I hope it works out! I'll be happy to know that you've got a home there."
"Aww," Kurt teased lightly, "thanks. And oh! I finished my Vogue dot com application this afternoon!"
"Kurt, that's great!" Blaine said, sitting up. "Were you pleased with it in the end?"
"Yes," Kurt confirmed. "Despite the fact that I had to do the whole thing on this hotel's abysmally slow Internet connection, it felt really good when I finished and submitted it. I'll send you the link."
"They're going to love you," Blaine informed him.
"Let's hope," Kurt said. "It's a plan, anyway, which feels good. But tell me more about what's going on at home. How's everyone?"
"Brittany is having... something. A crisis. I'm hoping that Britney Spears week will lift her spirits, but I'm not sure. She was talking to herself in the hallway the other day."
"It's hard to tell when she's just being Brittany and when she might actually need help," Kurt agreed.
They spent the next few minutes talking about their respective families. Kurt told Blaine about Burt going back to Washington DC and about the new office he was getting that was much nicer than the tiny closet he had been using since his election. Blaine told Kurt about Cooper's latest drama: he had refused to cooperate with a policeman who pulled him over for speeding and had been arrested for disobeying the officer. He spent a night in jail, but was released in the morning with a ticket and a stern warning.
"H-he called me," Blaine choked out, laughing so hard he could barely talk, "that morning, as– as soon as he got home... he did it on purpose! So he could experience a night in jail."
They both roared with laughter, and Kurt was wiping tears from his eyes when he noticed the time.
"Oh my god!" he gasped. "I'm supposed to meet Rachel. I have to go!"
Blaine was having a hard time getting control of his laughter. "Have fun!" he managed to gasp into the phone.
"I'll try," Kurt promised, feeling light and content after laughing so hard. "Bye!"
"Love you," Blaine laughed, and Kurt ended the call as he ran out the door.
KURT
Kurt and Rachel's realtor – a man about Kurt's dad's age who Rachel's dads knew from college – knew Rachel a little bit from the few times he had traveled to Ohio to see Hiram and Leroy, and he was keen to find them a safe place to live in their new city.
"Okay," he said as he led them up the stairs to the recently-vacated loft apartment in Bushwick, "it's empty, so you'll have to use your imaginations to see what it would look like with furniture, but keep an open mind."
Rachel glanced nervously at Kurt, and he nodded his reassurance. They would know if this was their place.
"The door's kinda cool," the realtor said as they reached the entrance to the apartment. The door slid sideways like the door of a warehouse, and the trio stepped into the large, empty space.
Kurt knew it was perfect for them before the realtor opened his mouth again to start explaining specific things. He barely heard any of the details as they walked around – visions of how they could decorate and where they would set up their beds and their television and what kind of shelving situation would work best for the bathroom had taken over his brain – and, by the time the realtor smiled and told them he would wait downstairs so they could have a moment alone in the space, Kurt was nearly vibrating with excitement.
As the door latched closed behind the realtor, Kurt noticed two bicycles leaning against one of the walls.
"Where did those come from?" he asked.
"Weren't you listening at all?" Rachel scolded. "The previous owners left them."
Kurt skipped over and grabbed one, shaking it gently to see if it felt sturdy before climbing on.
"We can't ride those in here!" Rachel hissed.
"Oh, yes we can," Kurt countered. "We're grown adults, Miss Berry. We can do whatever we want."
Rachel looked like she wanted to protest, but her excitement got the better of her and she grabbed the other bike.
"This place is enormous!" Rachel exclaimed happily as they rode in circles around the large room.
"For eighteen hundred bucks a month we could get a shoebox in Manhattan or this hanger in Bushwick," Kurt contemplated.
"Yeah, but what's the crime rate like in this neighborhood?" Rachel asked. "Looks a little shady."
"Eh, it's better than Detroit and Damascus," Kurt teased. "So, what do you think? Should we take it?"
"Are you crazy?" Rachel teased, and Kurt was happy to hear the affirmative in her voice. "Living here with you instead of those dorms? It's heaven!"
"Okay, so... should we go tell him?" Kurt wondered about their realtor downstairs.
"Yes!" Rachel hopped off her bicycle and motioned for Kurt to do the same. As they walked out the door and down the stairs to street level, they couldn't stop giggling. They had a place. They had an apartment. And it was even better than the cramped, ugly one bedroom apartment Kurt had always imagined them sharing.
The realtor was happy for them and, after Rachel begged a bit, he went ahead and gave them the keys to their new place. "I'll bring you the paperwork in the morning to make it official, but I'll call the owner and tell him tonight. Congratulations!"
They decided to go to Kurt's hotel and get his things – his one suitcase – and to wait to get all of Rachel's stuff until the next day. Kurt got his first, and last, look at Rachel's dorm room (she had forbidden him to come because she was so mortified about her roommates sexual escapades) when they stopped by so Rachel could pack a small bag for the night.
"Where are we going to sleep?" Rachel wondered as they rode the train from Manhattan to Bushwick.
"On the floor, I guess," Kurt admitted.
"Oh god," Rachel whined happily, "this is perfect material for my memoir. The first night in my first New York apartment and I have to sleep on the floor!"
"Well, I'm glad one of us is happy about it," Kurt rolled his eyes.
They made it back to the apartment as the sun was setting, and they were so excited to plan every detail of their new place that they forgot all about dinner until it was completely dark outside.
"We can't go out in the dark, Kurt," Rachel argued when Kurt suggested that they go find a restaurant nearby. "We're not familiar with the area, and I'm not ready to add a mugging – or worse – to my memoir yet!"
"You better say nice things about me in that memoir," Kurt teased. "But, yeah, fine. Let's order a pizza or something."
They spent the time between ordering the pizza and receiving the pizza acquainting themselves with their new apartment. The water pressure was not as strong as Kurt preferred, but the bathroom, as a whole, was decent. The kitchen was old, but functional. Some of the windows were cracked, and they weren't sure what that would mean for them when the weather got cold, but, otherwise, everything seemed to be in order.
"New York Domino's is so much better than Lima Domino's," Rachel gushed as they sat on the floor to eat their pizza.
"It's the water," Kurt agreed.
It probably also had to do with the fact that they had been running all around the city all day without stopping to eat, he added silently.
"So," Rachel asked, "have you heard from Finn at all?"
"Not since you asked me yesterday," Kurt scolded gently. "He's just giving you your space."
"I know," Rachel agreed. Kurt tried to think of something to say to change the subject. There was nothing he could do about Finn and Rachel's relationship, and he hated seeing Rachel so sad about it.
"You wanna feel nostalgic?" Kurt asked. "Blaine said they're doing Britney Spears again in glee club."
"Oh my god, it feels like such a long time ago since we've been in the choir room," Rachel realized.
"We are living in the future, Rachel," Kurt agreed. They were living in New York. Together. In a loft apartment that cost more than two apartments would cost in Lima. "Speaking of which... my plan."
"Okay," Rachel leaned forward, ready to absorb Kurt's ideas.
"I'm going to re-audition for second semester at NYADA," Kurt reminded her.
"Good," Rachel approved.
"In the meantime," Kurt confessed, "I've applied for a job at the only place I feel will truly appreciate my sense of style and sophistication... Vogue dot com."
"Perfect!" Rachel mouthed.
"I know it sounds crazy," Kurt explained, "but, in a way, I'm almost glad I didn't make it my first try. You know, I really learned a lot about myself over the last couple months. I feel like I have a newfound resilience and focus."
"Yeah, I could really use some of that right now," Rachel said. "My dance teacher, she just won't let up on me. The other day she told me I wasn't sexy enough."
"Maybe you shouldn't wear a bra to your next class," Kurt suggested, only half joking.
"And take all of the attention away from the Miss Cassie July?" Rachel said skeptically. "She'd flip. I can't stand her!"
Kurt was proud of himself for not dropping his drink as he heard the name of Rachel's dance teacher for the first time.
"Cassie July is your dance teacher?" he demanded, and Rachel rolled her eyes and nodded. "As in the Cassie July? Aka 'Crazy July'? Aka the biggest train wreck in Broadway history?"
"What?" Rachel asked.
"You don't know her story?" Kurt asked, shocked that Rachel had no idea.
Rachel narrowed her eyes.
"Cassie July was the 'it' girl ten years ago," Kurt explained. "She scored the coveted role of temptress Lola in the high profile revival of Damn Yankees. Then, during the first preview, the out of town tryout, a man's cell phone went off in the audience. And she flipped out."
"No," Rachel gasped.
"Yes," Kurt confirmed. "She stopped the performance and jumped down into the audience so she could wrestle the phone away from the man. And then she smashed it into pieces right there in front of everyone."
"No wonder she's always just so angry!" Rachel mused.
"You can't give in to her," Kurt commanded. "Not ever. You have to keep fighting. If she wants sexy, give her sexy."
Rachel's looked excited and confident for a moment before anxiety shoved its way in.
"I don't know if I'm really sexy enough for, you know... sexy," she admitted.
"Don't say that," Kurt countered. "You know what's sexy? Confidence. So stop worrying about if you're sexy or not and just be sexy."
"That doesn't even make any sense," Rachel criticized.
"Sure it does," Kurt stood up and motioned for Rachel to join him.
"And, anyway," Rachel whined as she looked up at Kurt, "even if I feel sexy, which I don't, it's not like–"
"Oh, hush," Kurt scolded. "Get up off your ass right now or I'm throwing the rest of the pizza away."
"No!" Rachel gasped unhappily. But she obeyed, accepting Kurt's outstretched hand so he could pull her to her feet. Kurt dragged her into the middle of the room and released her hand.
"Now," Kurt said, motioning around them at the empty room, "imagine this. You're standing under the stage of a huge arena, listening to the muffled sound of thousands of fans screaming in anticipation. You're wearing something really sexy – a corset, definitely – and your hair and makeup is perfect and outrageous. The platform carries you up onto the stage, and..." he motioned at Rachel.
She rolled her eyes, but Kurt just stood still and stared at her. He was not going to let her wallow in self pity when they could be singing and dancing around their new apartment.
"Close your eyes and get the image in your mind right now, Rachel Berry, or we're going to stand here all night," Kurt chided.
Rachel exhaled heavily, but she closed her eyes. And Kurt could see the moment that she started to imagine his scenario; her face softened and then settled into a determined expression as she opened her eyes.
"Lights!" Kurt called, and they both surrendered to the fantasy. A huge arena. Bright lights. Extravagant costumes. Loud music.
Rachel was definitely feeling sexy as she struck a pose to begin the song. Kurt leaned against a pillar to watch as she danced and sang and put on a show in the middle of their empty apartment.
There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe
Well, baby, I'm a 'put on a show' kinda girl
Don't like the back seat
Gotta be first
I'm like the ringleader
I call the shots
I'm like a firecracker
I make it hot when I put on a show
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer
The dance floor is my stage
Better be ready
Hope that you feel the same
All eyes on me in the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When I crack that whip everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don't stand there watching me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor just like a circus
Rachel spun around and pointed at Kurt, which was all the encouragement he needed to walk into the center of the room to take over the song.
There's only two types of guys out there
Ones that can hang with me and ones that are scared
So, baby, I hope that you came prepared
I run a tight ship
So beware
I'm like the ringleader
I call the shots
I'm like a firecracker
I make it hot when I put on a show
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer
The dance floor is my stage
Better be ready
Hope that you feel the same
All eyes on me in the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When I crack that whip everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don't stand there watching me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor just like a circus
They sang the musical interlude, danced like crazy, and sang the final chorus together at the top of their lungs.
All eyes on me in the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When I crack that whip everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don't stand there watching me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor just like a circus
By the time the song ended, Rachel was rosy-cheeked and smiling so widely that Kurt knew she was feeling great about her chances of impressing Cassandra July. "That was so fun!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Kurt's neck.
"Told you so," Kurt teased as Rachel pulled away from the quick hug.
"Yeah," Rachel agreed. "Okay, fine. I'm gonna show the Cassie July what sexy really looks like."
"It'll be an epic story for your memoir," Kurt sang as he ran away into the bathroom for a shower before Rachel could catch him and smack his arm.
BLAINE
The next afternoon, Blaine ran straight past his mom – "My day was great, thanks for asking, Mom!" – and up the stairs to his bedroom to call Kurt and tell him the day's drama.
"Oh my god," Kurt answered. "I'm sorry, I was so busy with Rachel last night I forgot to call you!"
"It's fine!" Blaine reassured him. "You'll never gue–"
"We got the apartment!" Kurt interrupted, although it was more of an extension of his previous sentence than a separate thought.
"– what? Oh. Oh!" Blaine realized. "Kurt, that's amazing. Really amazing! Congratulations!"
"It's perfect," Kurt gushed. "Right now it basically looks like a big brick hanger for private jets or something, but I've got so many ideas. Do you think we should paint any of the walls so it's not so red? I think we should, but Rachel's not convinced. Wait, let me send you a photo so you get what I mean..."
"Okay," Blaine agreed, caught off guard by the onslaught of enthusiastic details and questions.
As he pulled the phone away from his face to look at the photo Kurt had sent him, Blaine had a thought that he immediately wished he could cram back into the nothingness where it came from and have no memory of ever thinking it.
This was the start of Kurt's life splitting from Blaine's.
It was the moment Blaine had been dreading since Kurt had started to talk about NYADA and New York more and more during the last school year and Blaine had realized that none of it involved him.
The moment when Kurt would anchor himself to his New York identity instead of Blaine.
Kurt had forgotten to call him because he was doing New York things.
"It's so– I love it, Kurt," Blaine managed as he brought the phone back up to his ear. "I think, uh, yes, paint would be good. I'm sure anything you have in mind is going to look beautiful."
"I know," Kurt giggled. "But wait, I'm sorry, I'm freaking out. What were you going to say before?"
"Oh," Blaine said. "Just... well, Brittany tried to shave her head today."
"What?" Kurt gasped.
"We tried to inspire her with Britney Spears week," Blaine explained, feeling slightly better now that Kurt had brought the conversation back to him without prompting, "but it's not helping. So, today in glee rehearsal, she got up during the middle of the song Tina, Joe, and Sam were singing and... where did she even get a razor, anyway?"
"She didn't actually shave her head, though, right?" Kurt asked, horrified.
"No, thank goodness," Blaine replied. "But she ran out into the hall and basically attacked Jacob Ben Israel."
"What're you gonna do?" Kurt asked.
"We're going to get together and tell her we're really worried about her. See if she wants to be in one of the Britney numbers rather than just watching," Blaine explained.
"Wow," Kurt appreciated the complexity of the situation.
"The pep rally is in a few days," Blaine reminded him, "so hopefully she'll want to be part of that performance."
"Yeah," Kurt agreed, but he suddenly sounded distracted. Silence hung between them for just long enough to be awkward before Kurt realized he wasn't paying attention.
"Oh, uh, sorry," he stammered. "Rachel's just... Rachel! Don't, hey, hold on..."
He must have put the phone down, because Blaine could hear Kurt and Rachel talking from what sounded like far away. He couldn't understand what they were saying.
"Okay!" Kurt said cheerfully as he returned to the phone. "Just a little design discussion."
Blaine let himself laugh a little at the mental image of Kurt and Rachel living together. "You two should have a reality show," he suggested.
"One day," Kurt agreed. "But, uh, is it okay if I talk to you tomorrow? I want to help Rachel figure out how the shelves should be set up in the bathroom."
"Um, yeah, sure," Blaine allowed.
"Alright," Kurt said. "Good luck talking to Brittany tomorrow! Thanks for calling."
"Love you," Blaine said.
"You're the love of my life, Blaine Anderson," Kurt said warmly. "I miss you like crazy. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight, Kurt," Blaine smiled, and Kurt ended the call.
BLAINE
After glee rehearsal the following day, Brittany was sitting in a chair in the front row of chairs when the rest of New Directions gathered around to express their concern and to ask her if she wanted to lead them in the Britney song for the pep rally.
But it didn't go as expected.
"W–we don't lip synch in glee," Blaine protested as Brittany announced that she would perform at the pep rally only if she could lip synch the performance.
"Well, my voice is too weak to sing live," Brittany informed them. "I've been up every night this week yelling at the shrubs in my yard that have been making fun of me."
"This sounds like a terrible idea," Artie argued.
"We'll record the song in advance," Brittany explained. "I'll choreograph an amazing routine without having to worry about anybody running out of breath, and Mr. Schuester will never know the difference."
Blaine shook his head. No. This was not a good idea.
"Lots of performers do this now," Brittany added. "Kristen Stewart, James Earl Jones."
Nobody knew what to say. Brittany asked her phone if it was a good idea and, when it said yes, Blaine knew things were getting out of hand.
"No," he said, stepping out of the group toward Brittany. "Brittany, I'm sorry, but we don't –"
"I'm not asking, Blaine Warbler," Brittany said. "If you don't like it, you can pretend that you ran out of hair gel and had to stay home."
Blaine scoffed and turned to glare at Sam as he attempted to muffle a laugh by coughing.
"I miss Santana," Brittany added absentmindedly.
Blaine turned to look at the rest of the group, desperate for help.
"Maybe..." Tina started.
"Tina!" Blaine scolded.
"What?" Tina said. "I mean, it's a pep rally. Nobody cares, anyway."
"We should care!" Blaine argued. "Guys, no, come on..."
"Sorry, dude," Sam said. "I think you're being overruled."
Blaine groaned in frustration and turned back to Brittany. He could definitely sympathize with missing Santana. And maybe it wasn't such a big deal. They'd all be dancing and nobody would really be looking at their mouths, anyway. And if it helped Brittany feel better...
"Fine," he allowed.
They recorded the song in the media studies room, taking turns keeping watch by the door in case someone came down the hall. The next day's glee rehearsal was spent learning Brittany's dance routine. It was standard for them to learn the dance without the vocals before putting the song with the dance, so Mr. Schu was oblivious to their plan. And, somehow, they convinced Mr. Schu that it would be fun for him to see the finished product for the first time with everyone else at the assembly.
The following day, New Directions gathered in the gymnasium behind the makeshift stage's curtain and Blaine prayed that everything would go smoothly.
Things weren't off to a great start.
"Brittany, shouldn't you be stretching or warming up or something?" Blaine asked desperately as Brittany sat on the ground and ate Cheetos.
"Do you need a baby wipe?" Tina suggested. "You have Cheeto hands and Cheeto mouth."
"I'm fine, thank you," Brittany said.
"Get up," Blaine scolded, hurrying forward to take the bag of Cheetos from Brittany. She rolled her eyes, but climbed to her feet and took off her baggy shirt to reveal a black bra underneath.
"Please..." Blaine asked, not sure how to voice everything that he wanted to ask her to do. Or not to do.
"Let's do this thing," Brittany said passively.
"It is my honor to introduce McKinley's New Directions!" Principal Figgins announced. Blaine didn't have time to snatch the bottle of soda in Brittany's hands away before the curtain was drawn back and the music began.
Blaine knew it was going to be a disaster by the time Brittany was done "singing" the first line of the song. She wasn't focused. She was basically ignoring the choreography. Blaine wasn't sure what to do about it – if they stopped and Brittany's voice kept going, the lip synching would be exposed – so he tried to stick to the routine. And he tried not to look at Brittany, because he didn't want to draw any more attention to her than absolutely necessary. They just needed to suffer through the song and he would deal with Brittany's complete lack of interest later.
He did lock eyes with Sam briefly, though, and the look on Sam's face did not help to ease his nerves.
By the time Blaine had to dip Brittany halfway through the song, he was quickly realizing that they weren't going to make it to the end of the performance. The crowd began to boo, and Blaine wanted to sink into the floor and die. Instead, he ran over to grab the curtain and drag it across the stage to get them out of view of the audience.
"Brittany!" he half scolded, half whined at the girl now lying on the ground in a pile of Cheetos. She didn't even seem to hear him.
"Come on, Britt..." Sam hurried over and helped her up.
Blaine led the group to the choir room, where he knew Mr. Schu would be waiting for them.
"In the fifty eight year history of the William McKinley High School glee club, there has never been such a debacle!" Mr. Schu scolded them once everyone was sitting down. "We do not lip synch! Ever!"
"We're sorry, Mr. Schu," Blaine said miserably. "We were just trying to help Brittany out."
"Lip synching is the equivalent of blood doping in professional sports," Mr. Schu raged. "Every gain we've made in the past three years has been wiped out! And I'm not just talking about our reputation here at McKinley. If the National Show Choir Board of Review gets wind of this, we could be barred from competing. What do you have to say for yourself, Brittany?"
"To quote the legend herself: 'If I met me, I would say a quick hello and then think I was a really nice girl'," Brittany said.
Blaine couldn't decide if he was concerned for her well being or if he wanted to scream at her.
"I now resign from glee club, effective immediately," Brittany added.
Blaine glanced at Tina as Brittany walked out of the room and found the confusion that he was feeling mirrored on her face.
"Okay," Mr. Schu said seriously after a brief, awkward silence, "here's what's going to happen. There will be no more shenanigans, do you understand me? We need to be disciplined if we want to make it back to Nationals this year. The next person who orchestrates anything like this will be off the team."
Blaine didn't miss the way Mr. Schu's eyes lingered on him. He was the captain. He should never have allowed this to happen.
By the time Blaine got home that afternoon, all he wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. Instead, he fueled his shame into a productive rage and sat down at the kitchen table to power through all of his homework for the next few days. He wasn't a bad leader. This wasn't his fault.
After making small talk with his parents over dinner, Blaine retreated to his bedroom to grab his pajamas and took a long, hot shower. It didn't wash away his disappointment in himself and his teammates the way he hoped it would. When he returned to his bedroom, Blaine picked up a photo of Kurt on his dresser and studied it. What did Kurt look like right now? What was he wearing?
He put the photo down and climbed into bed.
He knew it was the guilt of the day's events making things feel more intense than normal, but he felt like he had never missed anything so much in his entire life as he missed Kurt. If Kurt had still been in Lima, at least someone would have reassured Blaine that he wasn't a failure for allowing the lip synching to happen. When Kurt was around, there was always something to look forward to, no matter how bad the day was.
But Kurt was hundreds of miles away, living in a fabulous New York apartment with Rachel and applying to Vogue dot com and NYADA while the most important thing happening in Blaine's life was drama in his high school show choir.
KURT
"So," Rachel whined into Kurt's ear as he tried to hold his phone against his face with his shoulder so he could continue washing the bathroom mirror, "I'm going to be late tonight. I'll probably have to take the last train, all alone in the dark, because Cassandra July is a power-hungry tyrant!"
"You did say some less-than-kind things to her after your performance this week..." Kurt reminded her.
"And I apologized!" Rachel whined. "I get it... it was mean. I don't know what came over me. But she's just so superior!"
"Can't you just bring the laundry here to wash it?" Kurt suggested.
"Maybe," Rachel allowed. "But I have to hand wash everything, and where am I going to do that in our apartment? In the kitchen sink?"
"On second thought, no," Kurt rescinded the suggestion.
Rachel groaned in frustration. "I'll text you when I'm on the train home, then."
"Alright," Kurt agreed. "Be safe, okay? Call if you need anything."
"Bye," Rachel said, and she ended the call before Kurt's "bye" in return left his lips.
Kurt scrubbed every inch of the bathroom, humming along to the music blaring out of his phone on the counter, until he felt satisfied that it was clean. Then, he moved on to the kitchen. He was impressed with the previous tenants' cleaning job before they moved out, but it felt better to know that things were clean.
It had been dark for a while by the time Kurt fell, exhausted, onto the floor and sprawled out on his back in the middle of the still mostly-empty room. They needed to find a couch.
You okay? he texted Rachel.
How was the pep rally? He texted Blaine.
Rachel's response came back quickly. Just finished! Waiting for the train.
Good, Kurt responded. Text me when you're almost to our stop so I know when to worry if you're not here.
Thanks, Kurt, Rachel said.
After a few minutes of playing around with random games on his phone, waiting for Blaine to text him back, Kurt decided to call him.
"Mmm?" Blaine answered with a confused noise, and Kurt knew he had been asleep.
"Oh!" Kurt whispered, "Sorry. It's late, I know."
"S'okay," Blaine mumbled. "I went to bed early."
"You okay?" Kurt asked. "You sound... sad."
"I miss you," Blaine confessed. "And it was just one of those days."
"I miss you, too," Kurt told him. "How was the pep rally?"
"Terrible," Blaine explained. "Brittany decided to lip synch the performance and I don't know why I let her do it... but Mr. Schu was so mad."
"Yeah," Kurt acknowledged. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? Brittany sounds like a complete train wreck."
"I just wanted to help," Blaine whined.
"I know," Kurt reassured him. "I'm sure Mr. Schu is just concerned for Brittany and for all of you so he lost his cool."
"I dunno," Blaine mumbled.
"Well, uh..." Kurt chewed on his lip as an idea came to him, "... Rachel's not here. And..." he could feel a blush spreading across his face, and he mentally scolded himself for being embarrassed. It was Blaine.
Blaine's silence told him that Blaine understood where this was going.
"... our Internet's not hooked up yet for video chats," Kurt continued, "but just hearing your voice is... good. You know."
"I know," Blaine said, his voice rough. Kurt had to bite back a giggle as he closed his eyes and tried to imagine Blaine there with him, laying on the floor in his – their – empty apartment in the middle of the night.
BLAINE
The next day, Mr. Schu apologized for his anger the day before. He had, he said, realized that Brittany's lip synching debacle was a cry for help, so he and Ms. Pillsbury had decided to work privately with Brittany to help her get things back on track.
It only marginally helped to lessen Blaine's disappointment in himself and his classmates. And Marley sang a sad song about longing for the one you love, which didn't help, either. By the time Blaine got home, he felt really down. It had not been a good week.
Fortunately, as he was lying in bed trying to numb his brain with a show about aliens on the History Channel, Kurt called.
"Hello?" Blaine answered, more desperately than he had planned.
"Hi," Kurt returned happily. "Happy Friday!"
"Happy Friday," Blaine grinned, feeling better as he absorbed some of Kurt's cheer. "How was your first full week in New York?"
"Transitional," Kurt explained. "But Rachel and I are going to work really hard this weekend to get the apartment all furnished and decorated, so I think it will feel much more like home by Monday!"
Blaine sighed. "I wish I could be there to help," he admitted.
"Me too," Kurt agreed. "Did I send you the 'before' photo? If we can bring my vision to life, it's going to be a big change!"
"You did," Blaine reassured him. "I can't wait to see it in person! I can't wait to see you again. I miss you."
"I miss you, too," Kurt said softly. "Honestly... this week has been a little lonely. Rachel's got class every day, so I've spent a lot of time by myself. I did manage to find a fabulous bakery, a nice little coffee shop, and a few promising clothing stores within walking distance of our apartment, though. It feels nice to know the neighborhood a little."
Blaine laughed. "I can't believe you live in New York City. What an adventure!"
"Indeed," Kurt granted. "It'd be more fun with you here, though," he pouted.
"I'm going to visit soon," Blaine reassured them both.
There was a moment of silence on Kurt's end of the phone, and Blaine heard the faint sound of someone else's voice in the background.
"Hey, Rachel," Kurt said. "Yeah. Yeah, Blaine."
"Hi, Blaine!" Rachel shouted.
Blaine laughed. "Hi, Rachel!" he shouted.
"Hey!" Kurt protested. "Stop that. He says 'hi', Rachel. Anyway, sorry, where were we?"
"We miss each other desperately," Blaine reminded him.
Kurt groaned unhappily.
"You'll be so busy with Rachel and working at Vogue dot com that the time will fly by; I'll be there before you know it!" Blaine encouraged.
"Don't jinx it!" Kurt gasped, but they both laughed and Blaine realized he was feeling much better than when the conversation began.
He heard Rachel talking in the background again, and Blaine could imagine Kurt rolling his eyes as he said "Rachel, I'm trying to talk to Blaine. I– yeah, but– no... Rachel!"
"Hi!" Rachel's voice filled Blaine's ear, and he smiled.
"Hi, Rachel," he greeted her. He could hear Kurt trying to wrestle the phone back, but Rachel sounded completely calm.
"How's school? How's glee club?" she asked.
"It's great," Blaine stretched the truth. "How's NYADA?"
"It's a– Kurt!– it's a work in progress," Rachel said, her voice starting to quiver with laughter.
"Give me my phone back right now, Rachel Berry!" Kurt wailed.
"In a minute!" Rachel protested. "So, what were you two talking about before I got here?" she asked Blaine.
"Uh..." Blaine wasn't sure what to say.
"We were just talking about how Blaine's coming to visit soon," Kurt said, near enough to the phone for Blaine to hear, "and that we'll have to make sure that we wait until you've gone to class to –"
"Kurt!" Rachel shrieked.
The distraction won Kurt his phone back, and Blaine wished more than anything that he was there in New York with them as he listened to Kurt and Rachel laughing.
"Hey," Kurt said into the phone. "Sorry about that."
"I'm happy to talk to Rachel," Blaine teased.
"Well, in that case..." Kurt said lightly. "Actually, though, I should probably get going. We're going to start painting tonight."
"Okay," Blaine agreed. "Thanks for calling."
"I love you," Kurt said.
"You too," Blaine replied. "Talk to you soon?"
"Definitely," Kurt agreed. "Goodnight, Blaine."
"Goodnight."
KURT
Kurt had barely started painting when he turned and noticed what Rachel had painted on the wall. Finn's name inside two big hearts.
"Am I being too obvious?" Rachel asked.
"He hasn't called you because he loves you, not because he's forgotten you," Kurt reassured her. "Your freedom is a gift he's given you; accept it!"
"I know," Rachel acknowledged. "It's just so much freedom all at once that it's starting to feel like severe loneliness."
She looked miserable as she leaned her forehead against one of their tall lamps, and Kurt wished he didn't understand her loneliness so well. "The only cure to loneliness," he suggested, realizing what would cheer them both up, "is cake."
Rachel gasped her approval and mouthed "cake!" at him.
"There's a great Italian bakery down the street," Kurt suggested.
"You don't mind going out at night?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, no, it's cool," Kurt said. "I just need to walk around like a crazy person, yelling at things and twitching. People keep their distance." He pretended to twitch a few times as he walked toward the door, and Rachel laughed.
Kurt was almost to the door when someone knocked, and he rolled it open to find a man standing in the doorway. Holding an orchid.
"Well, hello there, kind sir," Kurt said, delighted.
"Hey," the stranger said before confirming Kurt's suspicion. "Uh, I'm Brody."
"I'm Kurt," Kurt introduced himself.
"Hi," Rachel said shyly from behind Kurt, and Kurt realized that he needed to leave. Quickly.
"I was just gonna go get some cake," he said to Brody. "Uh..." he turned to face Rachel so he could give her an approving look as he mouthed "I'll leave you two alone!" before he hurried past Brody into the hallway and closed the door.
Rachel had a guy in the apartment. He needed to tell someone, so he called Blaine as he hurried down the stairs.
"Hello?" Blaine answered.
"Oh my god," Kurt whispered, even though he was almost to the bottom of the stairs and was way out of range for Rachel and Brody to overhear him. "There's a guy in our apartment."
"Wha –?"
"No!" Kurt corrected. "Not like that. With Rachel," he hissed as he walked through the door onto the street.
"Mmm," Blaine hummed appreciatively. "Is he hot?"
"Blaine!" Kurt gasped in mock horror. "I can't believe you would even ask that."
"I'll take that as a yes," Blaine said. "And wait, where are you?"
"Uh," Kurt considered lying, but he decided against it, "walking to the bakery down the street to get some cake."
"Do you even know what time it is?" Blaine said, his voice full of anxiety. "Did you –?"
"I'm fine!" Kurt snapped, irritated that Blaine assumed that he would just skip out into the night without even thinking about his safety. "I'm fine, okay?"
"I'm sorry," Blaine backtracked quickly. "I'm just worried."
"I know," Kurt said apologetically.
"You're going to buy... cake?" Blaine brought the conversation back to Kurt's task.
"Well, Rachel was talking about how much she misses Finn," Kurt said. "And what's better for curing loneliness than cake, right? But, now that Brody's there... wait, how do I know when it's safe to go back? If I walk in on them... I'll be emotionally scarred forever!"
Blaine laughed. "You need a code of some kind," he teased.
"It's a little late for that now," Kurt whined. "I guess I'll just take my time and then I'll knock on the door as loudly as I can before re-entering the apartment."
"A good plan," Blaine approved. "Are you almost to the bakery?"
"Blaine," Kurt warned, "yes, I'm almost there. It's fine. There's hardly anybody around."
Blaine insisted on staying on the phone until Kurt was safe in the apartment again, so Kurt just stuffed the phone into his pocket briefly while he ordered his cake.
"Oh god, why did I go when I'm emotional and hungry?" Kurt moaned to Blaine as he left the bakery. "I bought half a dozen cupcakes and two huge pieces of cheesecake."
"Emotional?" Blaine inquired.
Kurt felt an intense pang of homesickness. "It's just... seeing Rachel so sad about missing Finn makes me miss you and my dad – and geez, even Finn! – even more than I already do."
"I was thinking about buying a ticket," Blaine offered. "To come in a few weeks."
"Yeah?" Kurt asked hopefully. "I'd love that. I'd love to see you. I'm glad we can talk on the phone and text, and our Internet is getting hooked up tomorrow so I'll be able to use Skype, but I can't wait for you to be here with me. I'm going to show you everything and we can hold hands and nobody will even care and it's going to be perfect," Kurt imagined fondly.
"I'm going to buy it right now," Blaine amended. They both laughed, and Blaine purchased a plane ticket to New York as Kurt returned to the apartment.
"... that Saturday, yes," Blaine confirmed to Kurt. "I'll forward you the email with all the details."
Kurt shimmied in place in front of the apartment door. "You're coming to New York!" he whispered loudly into the phone.
"Just knock on the door, Kurt," Blaine teased.
Kurt set the cupcakes and the cheesecake down and rapped his knuckles against the door as loudly as he could.
He expected Rachel to shout "come in!" from inside, but, instead, he heard the sound of her running across the apartment to open the door.
"Oh!" she said as she saw that it was Kurt. "Hi, sorry! I didn't know it was you."
"Is he still here?" Kurt asked quietly.
"No," Rachel said, tugging self-consciously at her hair.
"No?" Kurt wondered.
"Who're you talking to?" Rachel asked, motioning at the phone against Kurt's ear.
"Oh! Sorry, Blaine," Kurt said. "He's gone."
"I heard," Blaine replied. "Do you want to go so you two can talk about it?"
"Probably, yeah," Kurt agreed. "But guess what?"
"What?" Blaine asked.
"See you soon!" Kurt sang into the phone. Blaine laughter filled him with hope and gave him a light at the end of his tunnel of loneliness. Blaine was coming.
"I love you so much," Blaine said through his giggles.
"Love you, too," Kurt agreed. "Bye!"
"Byeeee!" Blaine said, and he was still laughing when the call ended.
"Blaine's coming?" Rachel asked hopefully.
"In a few weeks," Kurt explained, smiling widely. "But where's Brody?"
"I couldn't," Rachel blushed. "I... he said... he told me I was sexy and he– he thinks about kissing me."
"Oh my god," Kurt gushed, hurrying to put the cheesecake in the refrigerator and the cupcakes on the counter so he could give her his full attention. "Do you like him?"
"You know I like him, Kurt," Rachel scolded. "But..."
But Finn. Kurt understood.
"Come on," Kurt said, waving his arm above the sweets he had brought back from the bakery, "let's eat."
KURT
The next morning, Rachel went out to get breakfast while Kurt prepared all the things they needed to get the painting done. They wanted to move on to planning for furniture that afternoon. They sat on the floor together and ate in silence, broken only by the occasional lighthearted comment or questions from Kurt. Rachel seemed incredibly preoccupied.
As Kurt cleaned his paint brush so he could put it away and use the roller, instead, he glanced over at Rachel's side of the room.
She was painting over Finn's name.
Kurt was glad. As much as he loved his step-brother and his best friend, he knew that Rachel was still working on finding her identity as an individual after spending so long identifying herself as one half of her relationship. If she could distance herself from Finn, just a little bit, maybe she would remember what an amazing person she was. Without anyone else.
And then, Kurt secretly hoped, maybe they would reconnect. When they were both older and wiser.
His thoughts turned to Blaine as he started to paint, so he followed Rachel's lead and, with the roller, he made a huge "K + B" on the wall and attempted to draw a heart around it. It was a mess by the end, but Kurt knew that Blaine would appreciate the sentiment. He stepped back and took a photo of the wall with his phone so he could send it to Blaine.
Lookin' good! Blaine texted him back a few minutes later.
Kurt smiled fondly at the message. The weeks ahead seemed bright and promising now that Blaine was going to come to New York for a visit. It wasn't a vague idea anymore – they had a date. Something to look forward to. Something to hold on to when the loneliness tried to overwhelm them both.
Kurt's starting to get engrossed in his New York life. Blaine's starting to feel the heaviness of being left behind. Oh man.
Up next... 4x03: Makeover!