THIS EPISODE. I actually really like it in terms of how it was filmed and the songs they used and the incredible acting all around. But emotionally? Ouch.
Alright, let's talk about the cheating before we start. In my opinion, Blaine cheating was incredibly out of character. This is a young man who publicly shamed Kurt for cheating in season three when Kurt was sending and receiving flirty text messages. This is Blaine who cried and begged Kurt talk to him if he was unhappy. He was so devastated when Kurt was texting Chandler that I have a really hard time imagining Blaine cheating on Kurt – especially going out and having sex with a stranger – less than a year later. Or ever.
I think it's pretty clear that one of them cheating was the only way the writers could imagine Kurt and Blaine breaking up for an extended period of time. They've been able to talk their way through challenges to their relationship up to this point, so something really gut-wrenching had to happen so that they wouldn't work it out after two or three episodes.
That said, despite the fact that the ACTUAL cheating was outrageous, I think the rest of what's happening in this episode is actually very in-character for Blaine. He's feeling alone and unwanted, and he's trying to deal with the resentment he's feeling about the whole situation. Add to all of that Blaine's tendency to be hard on himself about things and you've got the perfect storm for him to do something stupid. Sadly, the stupid thing was also a terrible thing, and I think that's a shame. I guess it is realistic just in the sense that, sometimes, people break their own moral codes. And then have to deal with the consequences.
Anyway, here we go...
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
Kurt was exhausted, but he had been getting up so early every day for his internship that he was wide awake before nine the morning after he came home and realized that Finn had come to New York. Finn and Rachel, he discovered as he crept through the apartment to the bathroom, were still asleep. Or, at least, still quiet in Rachel's section of the apartment.
Kurt got dressed and ate a small bowl of cereal before taking advantage of the alone time to go through his email and to see what everyone was talking about on Facebook. Then, he got all of his sheet music out so he could start thinking about what song he should use as his audition piece for NYADA.
He had done something upbeat and outrageous for his first audition, so he wondered if he should try something softer this time. Maybe he should sing something that wasn't from a musical?
Kurt thumbed through his binder of music again and again. Nothing caught his eye. He was going to have to find a store nearby that sold sheet music so he could search for something that inspired him.
I'm trying to think of a non-Broadway song to sing for NYADA, he texted Blaine, but I'm completely uninspired. Help?
Let It Be? Blaine replied a few minutes later.
Probably more your style than mine, Kurt worried.
That might be good, though, right? Blaine returned. Do something unexpected.
Kurt considered it. He could sing something that would allow him to accompany himself on the piano. He wasn't as proficient a piano player as Blaine, but, with enough practice, he would be able to learn one song. It would demonstrate that he had musical talent outside of singing. And, maybe, channeling Blaine in his audition would help him feel connected to whatever song he chose.
Okay, maybe, Kurt allowed. But I'm not feeling The Beatles.
WHAM! Blaine texted.
Kurt rolled his eyes at the attempt to get him to sing something by one of Blaine's favorite bands.
I don't know, Kurt sent back.
I know, Blaine confirmed. But seriously, you could find an acoustic version of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?
I don't want to like this idea, Kurt whined.
But you do, Blaine replied.
Shut up, Kurt texted him back.
Blaine responded with a winking emoticon and an emoticon that Kurt assumed was supposed to be making a kissing face, and Kurt shook his head as he typed his reply.
I'll think about it.
Kurt decided to make himself lunch before he went out in search of sheet music. He was putting the finishing touches on a croque-madame when Rachel emerged from her room.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Somebody slept late," Kurt commented. "It's lunchtime. Do you want a croque-madame?"
"We didn't go to bed 'til late," Rachel declined. Based on the look on her face, Kurt thought she probably wasn't hungry for other reasons, too.
"Thank god for ear plugs," Kurt teased. "I love you both, but I don't want to hear any of that!"
He expected Rachel to laugh or possibly roll her eyes. But, instead, she glanced around before leaning forward so he could hear her hushed words. "We didn't do anything," she explained. "He didn't even talk to me... we just, like, laid there."
At that moment, Finn walked around the corner from Rachel's room, and Kurt knew it was time to leave. Things were clearly awkward between his best friend and his step-brother, and Kurt was not interested in making things even more awkward by sticking around to listen to the conversation that he could sense was about to happen.
Kurt picked up his breakfast. "I'm gonna take this down to the park and watch drug deals go down," he said lightly.
He kept his eyes on Finn. It was the first time he had seen his step-brother in months.
"It's good to see you again, Finn," Kurt said as he walked past.
"You too, little brother," Finn smiled.
After making sure that he had his wallet and phone in his pockets, Kurt pulled open the door to the apartment, slipped out into the hallway, and set off to eat his lunch in the park and to find a store that sold the sheet music to the acoustic version of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
BLAINE
At lunch on Monday, Blaine and Brittany were alone at a table in the cafeteria while some of the other students got their food. Brittany didn't hold a grudge about Blaine beating her in the election the week before, much to Blaine's relief, so it was comfortable sitting with her as they watched Marley and Jake chatting at a table across the room.
"Aww," Brittany said dreamily, "young love."
"Do you remember when you first started dating Santana and I started dating Kurt?" Blaine asked. "Back before everyone was so busy and so... far away? Things were so much simpler. We had so much more hope and innocence. Every day was just like Valentine's Day."
He missed it so much.
"We're still young," Brittany said. "Shouldn't we still be experiencing those things?"
Yes, Blaine thought to himself. But he didn't say so.
Kurt had texted him over the weekend to ask about his second NYADA audition, and Blaine had been hopeful that it would be something for them to talk about in the coming weeks. But, after the initial conversation about which song to sing and a brief exchange of texts confirming that he had found the appropriate sheet music, Kurt had not contacted Blaine at all.
It was hard for Blaine to justify why Kurt wouldn't call him all weekend.
BLAINE
The next day, Blaine's phone vibrated as he was walking down the hallway and he was surprised to see Kurt's name on the screen.
"Hey stranger," Blaine answered happily.
"Hey," Kurt returned the greeting. "Um... crap, can you hold on one second?"
Blaine knew it wasn't really a question so much as a kind way to tell him to wait, so he waited.
"Isabelle Wright's office, how can I help you?" Kurt said after a short pause.
"Um, it's me, Kurt," Blaine informed him.
"Oh god," Kurt whined. "I'm so sorry. Look, I've taken over Isabelle's phones for the week and they just won't stop ringing."
"It's– it's okay," Blaine said. "If you want to call me back later, we can talk then–"
"I can't," Kurt interrupted. "Isabelle says we have to get the column up on the website by midnight tonight." Kurt sighed unhappily. "Look, I know this is frustrating. It's frustrating for me, too. And I don't want to miss our phone dates, but... you know, this– this could be a career for me."
"I get that," Blaine said, "I really do. I get it. It's just... I... really miss you. A lot, okay? I miss talking to you and I miss hugging you and I miss messing around with you..."
"Me too," Kurt agreed. "But you're coming in two weeks, right?"
"I know," Blaine acknowledged. That wasn't the point. "But... what am I supposed to do until then? Just hold my breath?"
There was a moment of silence on Kurt's end of the phone, and Blaine knew that Kurt was distracted.
"Shoot," Kurt said, confirming Blaine's thoughts. "Joan Didion's calling. She always has the best gossip."
Blaine rolled his eyes. He knew it was out of Kurt's control, but, when grouped with how much Kurt had been blowing him off, it annoyed Blaine that this woman was going to cut their conversation short.
"Um," Kurt said distractedly, "alright, I will call or text you on a break, okay?"
"Okay," Blaine agreed. "I love you!"
But Kurt had ended the call before Blaine could finish his final few words. Blaine glanced at his phone's screen before switching it off in defeat.
With every hour that went by without Kurt calling him back, Blaine felt more and more hurt and angry. And, after he tried calling Kurt between his final two classes and Kurt didn't answer, Blaine hit a breaking point.
He was tired of being treated like he existed to be Kurt's boyfriend when it was convenient for Kurt. He knew that Kurt wasn't ignoring him to hurt him, but it didn't matter. Kurt knew that Blaine was worried about being left behind. That he was worried about Kurt going off to New York and forgetting about him. Kurt knew. They had talked about it.
So, Blaine thought to himself as he ended the attempt to call Kurt at work, Kurt's lack of time for Blaine was deliberate. Kurt was choosing to spend his time doing exciting New York things rather than putting forth effort to make sure that Blaine was okay.
Blaine wasn't okay.
And he was done lying to himself. Kurt wasn't making time for him because Blaine wasn't Kurt's priority. He was just the high school boyfriend left behind in Ohio. He had been naïve to think that everything would be fine between them after Kurt left.
Blaine's last class of the day was dismissed early after his teacher was called away for an emergency, so Blaine went to the choir room to wait for glee rehearsal. To pass the time, he scrolled through Facebook on his phone.
He poked a guy who had randomly friended him a few weeks before – they had been poking each other back and forth since – and scrolled through his feed for a few minutes. The Warblers were in full prep mode for Sectionals. Blaine felt lonelier than ever as he remembered the fun he and the Warblers used to have rehearsing their songs in rooms all over Dalton. They were probably progressing toward a solid set list and New Directions hadn't even managed to find enough contenders to even choose one for Sectionals.
A little red number at the top of the screen signaled to Blaine that he had a message. He opened it and found a sentence from Eli C, the boy he had been poking back and forth since they had randomly become Facebook friends a few weeks earlier.
"What's up, sexy?" the message said.
Blaine was surprised and flattered, but, before he could think about responding, Eli sent another message.
"You want to come over?"
Blaine's anger about the situation with Kurt pushed his hesitation away, and he decided to go for it. Why not? Kurt didn't care about him. Kurt didn't think he was sexy. At least not as sexy as life in New York.
He asked Eli for his address before he stood up and walked out of the choir room. They probably wouldn't do anything productive in glee that afternoon, anyway, Blaine thought. Just more fighting over what they should sing and who should sing it. It all felt so petty.
Eli's address was in Columbus. So, Blaine stopped by home first to change and drop off his bag. Then, he drove to the address Eli had given him.
It was a hotel. What Blaine had assumed was an apartment number was a room number.
Part of Blaine's mind screamed at him not to go in. But the part of Blaine that was desperately starved for positive attention filled Blaine with recklessness and he got out of his car.
Eli was tall and thin and, Blaine guessed, a few years older than Blaine. After welcoming Blaine into the room, he walked over to the small refrigerator.
"You want a drink?" Eli asked, pulling a bottle of beer from the fridge.
"Uh..." Blaine hesitated, but Eli was already opening the bottle for him. "... sure."
They sat down on the room's small couch, and Blaine took a tiny sip of his drink. It was a brand he had never tried before, but it tasted okay. Eli started a conversation about sports, and Blaine didn't realize that he had emptied the bottle in his hands until Eli reached out and took it from him. It felt great to just talk to someone. Eli got up and walked to the sink to deposit his and Blaine's empty bottles, and Blaine took a deep breath and looked around the room.
He could tell that the alcohol had loosened him up, but he wasn't severely intoxicated. He just felt relaxed. More relaxed than he had felt in weeks.
As Eli returned to the room and handed him a second drink, Blaine's phone vibrated in his pocket. He set the drink down so he could find his phone, hoping to see Kurt's name on the screen.
It was Cooper. A text message asking if Blaine knew the best way to attach a cape to a vest.
Blaine felt a surge of frustration and loneliness as he turned his phone off without replying. Of course it wasn't Kurt. Kurt was busy. Too busy for Blaine. Maybe they weren't perfect for each other, after all.
"Bad news?" Eli asked.
When Blaine glanced up at the other boy, he was much closer than Blaine remembered.
"No," Blaine replied, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "Just a silly question from my brother."
Eli leaned forward, confident and direct, and Blaine knew he was about to be kissed. He felt a surge of adrenaline at the prospect of doing something so forbidden. Like the rush of lying to someone's face or breaking the law. It was the most intense sensation he had felt in weeks.
Blaine didn't resist.
But Eli didn't kiss him. Instead, he ghosted his breath across the corner of Blaine's lips and continued a path across Blaine's cheek toward his ear. Blaine shivered, and, when Eli grabbed the bottom of Blaine's shirt, tugging it up, Blaine didn't stop him.
The sex was unlike anything Blaine had ever experienced – it was all physical. No kisses or gentle touches or loving words. It was all physical pleasure, fast and rough, and Blaine let himself surrender to the mindless physicality of it to forget everything that was tormenting him.
But, as Eli climbed off the bed after the fact, guilt crashed through Blaine so violently that he had to sit up and concentrate on breathing.
He had just cheated. He had cheated. On Kurt.
He had never hated anyone so much as he hated himself in that moment. How could he have ever thought that Kurt wasn't the one for him? Kurt was everything.
As he thought about his boyfriend and the love they had together, Blaine scrambled off the bed and grabbed his clothes. He pulled on his pants and sat down on the side of the bed to put his shirt back on. He was dragging his hands through his messy hair, more distressed than he could ever remember feeling, when Eli returned from the bathroom.
"You okay?" Eli asked.
"No," Blaine said.
"Is it because I don't look at all like my profile picture?" Eli teased.
Blaine was so disgusted with himself that he could barely hear the other boy.
"I'm sorry, I– I have to go," he said. He stood up from the bed and hurried out of the room without another word. He knew that he was acting like a crazy person, but he didn't care. Maybe he was crazy. He felt crazy.
As his car roared to life, Blaine wiped furiously at the tears in his eyes before starting the drive home. He felt simultaneously numb and so full of self-loathing that he could barely function. The loneliness that he had been feeling ever since Kurt had gone to New York seemed more tangible than ever as the silence of being alone in his car settled over him like a suffocating blanket.
He had allowed himself to have sex with a boy who wasn't his boyfriend. He was a terrible person.
As he stared out the windshield and tried to hold himself together so that he wouldn't crash and kill himself and cause everyone more pain than he already had, Blaine's phone vibrated in his pocket. Thoughts of Quinn and her accident the year before flashed through his mind, and he decided to ignore it until he got home.
Unfortunately, his parents were still awake and chatting over a snack in the kitchen when he walked in the door. There was no avoiding them.
"Blaine!" his mother said immediately as she got a good look at him. "Honey, are you okay?"
"I feel terrible," Blaine moaned. It wasn't a lie. Just not the entire truth.
His mom got up from her seat and walked over to feel his forehead. Satisfied with his lack of fever, she wrapped him into a hug.
Blaine burst into tears.
"I miss Kurt," he sobbed into his mother's shoulder.
"Aww, I know," she said gently, rubbing his back as he cried. "I know you do."
"You're going to New York for a visit soon, right?" his father offered from his seat.
The sudden reminder that he was planning to go to New York to visit Kurt in two weeks hit Blaine so hard that he suddenly felt like he was going to vomit.
"I'll be upstairs..." he pulled out of his mother's grip and ran away, up the stairs to the bathroom as his mother shouted after him that she would come check on him soon. He stood in front of the toilet for a moment, arguing with his body over whether or not he wanted to throw up, but the feeling slowly subsided.
He didn't even bother going to his room to get his pajamas, choosing instead to throw his clothes in a pile on the floor so he could take a long, hot shower. He scrubbed his skin as hard as he could, trying to remove the memory of how it felt to have sex with a random stranger.
It didn't help him feel any better.
As he was drying off, there was a knock on the bathroom door.
"Blaine?" his mom called through the closed door, "How are you, sweetheart?"
"I'm okay, Mom," Blaine replied, wrapping his towel around his waist and reaching down to grab his dirty clothes off the floor.
He opened the bathroom door to find his mother standing in the hallway. She was worried.
"I'm okay," Blaine repeated. He knew that hiding his emotions wasn't his strong suit, but he hoped that he could convince her enough to put her mind at ease.
His mom nodded, not completely convinced. Blaine moved to walk around her, but she put an arm out and pulled him into another hug.
"I love you, Blaine," she said as she released him.
"Love you, too, Mom," Blaine choked out through a fresh wave of tears. "Goodnight."
He hurried to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Everything in his bedroom reminded him of Kurt. All the time they had spent together in this room. They had been intimate for the first time in Blaine's bedroom.
Trying not to think about any of that and failing miserably, Blaine put on his pajamas and dug his phone out of his jeans' pocket before dumping his dirty clothes on the floor by his closet. He was never going to wear that outfit again. He crawled into bed and leaned back against his headboard, powering on his phone as he realized that he hadn't replied to Cooper earlier in the evening.
But, this time, the new text message was from Kurt.
Sorry about earlier today. Still at work. How was the rest of your day?
Blaine stared at the words on the screen. What could he say? Everything had changed now. Kurt was going to hate him. Everyone was going to hate him. He hated himself.
I miss you so much, he replied. I love you so much.
The response came back almost immediately.
Hey! Glad you're still awake. I love you too! I can't wait until you're here and we can just talk without phones.
Blaine was trying to decide what he could possibly say – fighting the urge to confess what he had just done – when Kurt sent another message.
Ah, gotta go! Back to work. Have a great evening! Love you.
I love you, Kurt. Blaine replied.
Blaine leaned his head back on his headboard and closed his eyes, clutching the phone in his hands. It felt as if there was nothing in the world except what he had just done. Nothing was ever going to be okay again.
He had to tell Kurt. And he couldn't wait two weeks.
Blaine tossed his phone on his bedside table and jumped out of bed. He needed to tell Kurt in person. He needed to be there in person so he could confess and beg Kurt's forgiveness and tell Kurt how desperately he loved him.
He bought a ticket for the next afternoon. If he left immediately after school he could catch his flight and be in New York by the early evening.
KURT
As Kurt got home from work, extremely late, as usual, he was happy to find Finn and Rachel cuddled up on the couch together watching television.
"Something smells delicious," Kurt commented happily, turning immediately toward the kitchen.
"It's a pizza," Finn informed him.
It was a little cold after sitting out for so long, but Kurt thought it was delicious. He was so hungry.
"So," Kurt asked as he joined Rachel and Finn in the living room section of their apartment, "how's NYADA?"
"Fabulous," Rachel gushed.
"Totally," Finn agreed.
"Mmm," Kurt acknowledged through a mouthful of pizza. "I've gotta record my audition soon. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow afternoon. Isabelle's letting everyone go home early tomorrow since we've been out so late for so many nights in a row. Do you think I could use one of the pianos at NYADA?"
"I'm sure, yeah," Rachel said. "I'll meet you there. Just text me when you're leaving work?"
"Perfect," Kurt agreed.
BLAINE
The next day passed in a blur for Blaine. All he could think about was his suitcase sitting in his car and the airplane waiting to take him to New York. To Kurt. He even ate lunch hiding in a bathroom stall so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. He didn't think he could pretend to be fine well enough to fool all of them, and the last thing he wanted was for someone to tip Kurt off that something was going on.
Sam had texted him the night before, asking why he missed glee rehearsal. Blaine had told him he wasn't feeling well. He hoped that his classmates would make the same assumption when he missed rehearsal for the second day in a row.
It wasn't until he was in the air that the nervousness about New York started to seep into Blaine's mind. He had never been to New York City before. He didn't know how to use the subway. Did taxis in New York take credit cards?
And then the worry about just showing up on Kurt and Rachel's doorstep piled on. What if they weren't home when he arrived? What if they had people over and he interrupted?
Blaine's only moment of relief came as they were landing and he looked out the window (over the person in the window seat next to him) and caught a glimpse of the skyscrapers of New York City. He could do this. Kurt was here. This was where he wanted to be.
But not like this.
Blaine took a taxi to Kurt and Rachel's apartment, barely noticing the cost over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears as he stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of Kurt's building. As the taxi drove away, Blaine glanced around and realized that he should have brought something. A housewarming gift or something nice for Kurt.
He wandered down the block, careful to remember where Kurt's building was, and stumbled across a small florist. He bought a huge bouquet of red roses and wished that it wasn't dark already as he hurried back to the building where Kurt and Rachel lived. It felt so late.
When Blaine reached the top of the stairs and walked quietly to the door of Kurt and Rachel's apartment, he paused. He could hear voices coming from inside – someone was home – but he couldn't tell who it was. Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to do this. He had to be honest and accept the consequences of his betrayal.
He clutched the bouquet of flowers in one hand and reached out with his other hand to knock on the door.
KURT
Kurt was pleased with his second NYADA audition. He and Rachel had set up the camera and a microphone in one of NYADA's piano rooms, and Kurt had sung the song through two times so that they could pick which performance they liked best. He had planned to sit down with his computer and get the file of the best performance ready to add to his application, but they had arrived home too late. They had plans to go out to dinner, so Kurt had to get ready.
"Oh, Kurt, you look great!" Rachel squealed when walked around the bookcase that separated his room from the living room to see what Rachel thought of his outfit. She clapped her hands a few times to reinforce her excitement.
Kurt twirled around, happy to show off his outfit, before walking back into his room so he could use the full-length mirror to make sure his outfit was perfect.
Finn and Rachel started a conversation about the apartment – it was mostly Rachel telling Finn stories about how they had managed to get some of the large furniture up the stairs – and Kurt studied his appearance in the mirror as he listened to them talking.
As he congratulated himself on finding a shirt with a red collar that perfectly matched his red pants, Kurt thought of Blaine. Blaine loved brightly colored pants. Kurt had bought him a pair of bright red pants the summer before Blaine had transferred to McKinley, and Blaine wore them all the time.
Kurt sighed, feeling both energized and a little lonely. This was Finn's first night out with them in New York. It was exciting, but Kurt wished that Blaine could be there, too. Kurt spent more hours than he would ever admit to anyone lying in bed at night imagining what life would be like in a year when Blaine would be New York and they would be together all the time. Maybe Finn would decide to stick around, too, and the four of them could live together and everything would be perfect.
"Why are you all dressed up, anyway?"
Finn's voice brought Kurt back to the present, and he turned to look at his step-brother through one of the bookshelf's open squares.
"Because we're going out, of course," Kurt replied, shooting a judgmental look at the other boy.
Finn glanced at Rachel and then back at Kurt.
"Are we going somewhere fancy?" he asked.
"You can't wear that," Kurt dodged the question, motioning with his hand at what Finn was wearing.
"Well, what should I wear?" Finn asked.
"A suit is always appropriate," Kurt suggested.
"Dude, I'm not wearing a suit for a night out on the town!" Finn protested lightheartedly. "I didn't even bring a suit!"
"Finn," Kurt scolded as he used a lint roller on his black shirt, "you can't wear dad jeans and a rugby shirt to Callbacks."
"What's Callbacks?" Finn asked.
"This amazing bar that all the NYADA students go to," Rachel explained. "Friday nights are the best because everybody gets up and sings. And it's where we're going tonight! And it's gonna be great!"
She clapped her hands excitedly as Kurt abandoned the mirror and walked over to where Finn and Rachel were sitting.
"So, I have to dress up to go to a karaoke bar?" Finn asked skeptically.
"Come on, Finn," Kurt argued gently. "We'll let you sing Don't Stop Believin'... or something equally uplifting."
To Kurt's surprise, Finn didn't look excited about that idea. "I don't know," Finn whined. "I'm so out of practice. I haven't even sang in the shower since Nationals."
Finn leaned his head back on the couch to stare at the ceiling and Kurt met Rachel's concerned gaze. Kurt was opening his mouth to reassure Finn that he wouldn't have to sing unless he wanted to when there was a knock at the door.
He and Rachel exchanged a confused glance. They weren't expecting anyone.
As Kurt hurried over to the door, he hoped that it wasn't Brody. Mostly for Brody's sake. He dragged the heavy door open and barely had time to be puzzled by the huge bouquet of red roses that greeted him before they were quickly whisked to the side.
Blaine was standing in the doorway.
"Surprise!" Blaine announced.
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed as joy flooded through him. "What–?" He moved forward almost involuntarily, reaching out to wrap Blaine in a hug.
"Hi," Blaine said as they hugged, and Kurt felt as if something he hadn't even known he had lost had suddenly been returned to him.
Blaine was in New York.
They were in New York together.
"This is amazing!" Kurt gushed as he pulled away and Blaine handed him the roses. "But I wasn't expecting you for another two weeks!"
"I know," Blaine said, "I just couldn't wait any longer. I– I missed you too much."
Kurt ached with happiness.
"I missed you too," he said. "So good to see you!"
Blaine stepped forward for a kiss, and it was like they had never been apart. Kurt realized that he had underestimated how much missing Blaine had taken a toll on him. He felt complete with Blaine standing there in front of him.
"Blaine!" Rachel cried, interrupting and dragging Blaine into a hug, "I can't believe you're here! I missed you so much!"
"Hey!" Blaine said, and Kurt knew that Blaine had missed her, too.
Suddenly, Blaine noticed Finn, and his eyes widened.
"Finn!" he exclaimed, surprised. "Wh– what are you doing here?"
Finn reached out for a handshake. "I'm not really sure at the moment," he admitted, "but good to see you!"
"Guys, this is fantastic!" Rachel squeaked excitedly. "We're all together... here! Just like the good old days!"
BLAINE
They all looked at each other for a moment, and Blaine was torn. This was such a happy moment, but he had not come for a happy reason.
And Finn was here, too. That was unexpected, and Blaine tried not to focus on the fact that Kurt hadn't even told him that Finn had come to New York.
They were all going to hate him.
"Come in!" Kurt said excitedly, grabbing one of Blaine's hands and dragging him into the apartment. "Get his bag, Finn," Kurt added as they rushed away from Finn and Rachel.
Blaine was overwhelmed as Kurt led him all over the apartment, chatting happily about the décor and the way they had adapted to the room with no walls.
"... and I had to call my dad so he could walk me through it, but I managed to hang up these divider curtains all by myself one day while Rachel was in class!" Kurt said, showing Blaine the curtains that created his makeshift bedroom. "I would've preferred a solid divider, but for now this–"
Kurt did a double-take as his gaze swept over Blaine's face.
"Are you...?" Kurt's attention was suddenly focused entirely on Blaine.
"It's perfect," Blaine said, reaching up with his free hand to wipe at his eyes. He wished that he hadn't been so stupid. He should be feeling the kind of blind, overwhelming joy that he had always known he would feel when he got to visit to Kurt's apartment for the first time. But remorse was gnawing away at him so violently that the joy was muted. No matter what happened between them, this moment would always been marred with the pain of what Blaine had done.
"I've missed you so much," Kurt misunderstood his tears.
Blaine pulled his hand out of Kurt's grip so he could reach up and cup Kurt's face in his hands.
"Me too," he said, pulling Kurt forward for a gentle kiss.
Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and kissed him back, twisting them around so Blaine could press him against the wall. Their kisses increased in intensity until Blaine felt Kurt's lips turn up into a smile and Kurt's hands released his waist to shove gently on Blaine's chest.
"We should stop," Kurt giggled.
Blaine's stomach swooped like as if they were back at Dalton, newly in love and stealing kisses in empty study rooms between classes. Kurt loved him. Kurt wanted him. Why had he doubted? He crushed their lips together once more before stepping back.
"But only because I don't want to mess up my outfit before we go out," Kurt amended, reaching out to brush his thumb across Blaine's lips.
Blaine could feel his secret bubbling to the surface. This was the perfect time. Finn and Rachel were chatting and laughing together in the main part of the apartment, out of sight and earshot. Kurt was in a good mood.
"Kurt, I –"
"Blaine!" Rachel shrieked through her laughter. "Kurt!"
Kurt pecked one final kiss on Blaine's lips before turning and leading the way out into the main part of the apartment.
A bottle of shampoo had exploded inside Finn's bag and was now all over his clothes. Kurt groaned and knelt down to look at the mess.
"Well," Finn said happily, gesturing at himself, "I guess I get to wear this to the karaoke bar!"
"None of this would've been any better," Kurt mumbled.
"We unpacked a few of your shirts earlier, remember?" Rachel reminded Finn. "I think there's a nice black one. You can wear that."
Kurt directed Finn to gather his clothes so they could rinse off the shampoo in the sink and hang everything up to dry in the bathroom while they were out, and suddenly Blaine found himself alone with Rachel.
"Come here," she said happily, motioning to the couch where she was sitting. As soon as he settled onto the couch beside her, Rachel reached out and grabbed one of his hands.
"He's so glad to see you," she gushed. "I'm so glad to see you! It really feels like home with you and Finn here."
Blaine tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but only succeeded in making it worse. He nodded.
"Are you going to audition for NYADA?" Rachel asked excitedly. "You're an amazing performer, Blaine. I think they'd take you in a heartbeat."
"I don't know," Blaine admitted. He had planned to apply to NYADA, but that was before he had slept with a complete stranger in a fit of resentment. If Kurt didn't want him around, Blaine didn't want to be at NYADA. He would probably run into Kurt and Rachel all the time and it would be unbearably awkward.
"Well," Rachel encouraged, "I think you should."
"Maybe," Blaine agreed.
"Also," Rachel added, lowering her voice and leaning in closer, "I'm planning to take Finn for a long, romantic walk along the river after Callbacks, so..."
Blaine just stared at her, unable to think of anything to say.
"All set!" Finn announced as he and Kurt returned, saving Blaine from having to speak. "My clothes are going to smell amazing."
Kurt rolled his eyes, but when his gaze fell on Blaine he smiled.
Rachel and Finn disappeared into Rachel's room to get dressed, and Kurt fell onto the couch beside Blaine.
"How long are you staying?" Kurt asked, his eyes full of delight.
"I fly out on Sunday night," Blaine explained. "Late."
Kurt hummed his approval, and he looked so happy that Blaine couldn't tell him. Not yet. Instead, he opened his arms and Kurt immediately climbed over so they could cuddle together on the couch until Rachel and Finn were ready.
KURT
As they exited their building onto the sidewalk outside Kurt and Rachel's apartment, Finn was talking to Blaine about New Directions, so Kurt offered his arm to Rachel and they walked together behind Blaine and Finn.
They didn't say anything, but they kept glancing at each other and squeezing each other's arms and nudging each other's shoulders.
This was real life. Together with their boyfriends in New York City.
They took the train into Manhattan and Kurt held Blaine's hand as if his life depended on it. Blaine seemed overwhelmed – not talking much and occasionally squeezing Kurt's hand and looking at him with a weird expression on his face – so Kurt tried to distract him by telling him things about the city and about what they should see while Blaine was visiting.
"... and I hope you know that we are definitely going out to the Statue of Liberty tomorrow," Kurt finished. "Rachel has tried to weaken my resolve, but I have been strong and waited for you."
Blaine pulled their intertwined hands up so he could kiss the back of Kurt's hand, and Kurt smiled and scooted even closer so he could lean on Blaine's shoulder.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, trying not to fall asleep on the gently rocking train. It helped to listen to Rachel and Finn – Rachel was trying to convince Finn to sing with her later in the evening and Finn was not interested – but Kurt lost the battle with his heavy eyelids a few times before they reached their destination.
When they finally climbed the stairs out of the station onto the streets of Manhattan, Kurt was happy to note that Blaine perked up a bit. He tilted his head skyward and gaped at the skyscrapers, and Kurt reached out to grab his hand again.
Blaine briefly met his gaze, and Kurt felt the significance of the moment. They could hold hands all the way to the bar and all night long in the bar and all the way back to the apartment. Blaine stepped close to press a sweet kiss to Kurt's lips as they walked, and Kurt's stomach fluttered with anticipation.
"Come on!" he grinned as Blaine leaned away from the kiss. He pulled Blaine down the street to catch up with Finn and Rachel.
"So," Kurt asked as they slowed down to walk behind their friends, "what do you think?"
"What?" Blaine asked, distracted.
"What do you think?" Kurt repeated. "Of all this." He motioned with his free hand at the city around them.
"It's... New York," Blaine managed.
"The shock will wear off soon enough," Kurt reassured him. "By the time you come here to live it'll already feel like home!"
Blaine made a noise that was more a quick rush of air than an actual laugh, but Kurt was distracted when he realized that they were already to Callbacks. The walk had never seemed so short before.
"Okay," Rachel sang as Finn pulled open the door and held it for all of them, "here we are!"
BLAINE
As they walked into Callbacks, Blaine felt like he was watching everything happening from outside his body. Kurt pulled him over to the bar so they could order drinks. As Kurt teased that Blaine's definitely needed to be non-alcoholic, Blaine could hardly keep himself from blurting out his confession right there. He never wanted to drink alcohol again.
They sat down at a table near the window and Blaine looked around at the crowd of people, trying to figure out what to do.
"You okay?" Kurt asked. "You seem a little..." he made a grumpy face.
Blaine was surprised that he hadn't either thrown up or just blurted out the truth yet, but he knew the time wasn't right. He couldn't tell Kurt in the middle of a crowded bar.
"I'm great!" Blaine managed. "It was just a... it was a rough flight. I had the middle seat because I booked the tickets so last minute."
The middle seat wasn't a lie, but the rest was. It had been one of the easiest plane rides of Blaine's life in terms of the smoothness of the flight. And he certainly wasn't great.
"Well I, for one, am glad you did," Kurt said, leaning over slightly to put his hand on Blaine's shoulder. "It's our first night out in New York! We'll never forget this."
As Kurt held out his cup and they clinked their glasses together, Blaine tried not to let his sorrow show on his face. He was going to ruin the absolute best part of his life. He had already ruined it, and this was just the final few desperate strokes before they were all going to drown. He couldn't think of anything but the confession he needed to make as soon as possible. The longer he waited, the worse it was going to be.
KURT
After he set his drink down on the table, Kurt noticed that Finn and Rachel were talking to Brody by the bar. He nudged Blaine with his elbow.
"That's Brody," he hissed.
Blaine hummed appreciatively, but didn't comment. Kurt wasn't sure what to make of Blaine's attitude since he had arrived. Something wasn't quite right. But Blaine clearly didn't want to talk about it, so Kurt decided to give him time. Blaine would tell him when he was ready. Maybe it was nothing; maybe Blaine was just tired and he would feel better in the morning.
Kurt frowned as Rachel and Brody walked away from Finn and climbed onto the small platform by the piano that served as a stage. He knew Finn didn't want to sing, but he knew that Finn probably didn't want Rachel singing with Brody, either.
But, as Finn came to sit down with Kurt and Blaine, he didn't say anything. So, Kurt followed his lead.
Rachel and Brody sang Give Your Heart A Break, and Kurt was so proud of Rachel as he watched her sing. She had really come into her own in New York.
"Oh my god, you guys, it's so amazing up there!" Rachel gushed as she hurried over to their table after the song. She turned her attention on Kurt. "You have to do your Sweeny Todd mega medley."
"And risk a page six spread?" Kurt quipped. "I don't think so. 'Vogue dot com intern sings without warming up'... not happening."
He didn't want to sing anything here. He wasn't sure he was ready to sing in public again, especially at a place so connected to the school that had rejected him. This wasn't a karaoke bar full of drunk people who could barely hold a tune.
BLAINE
As Kurt protested Rachel's urging that he get up and sing, Blaine had an idea.
Blaine's confession was going to hurt Kurt more than Blaine could bear. But maybe, if he could remind Kurt now how much they loved each other – how much Blaine loved Kurt – the fallout would be slightly less devastating.
He had to try.
"I want to sing something," Blaine blurted.
Brody told him to talk to the guy at the piano, and Blaine hopped out of his seat and hurried to the little stage.
"May I?" he asked, motioning to the piano. "I, uh, I know... Brody?"
"Yeah, sure," the guy at the piano nodded, climbing off the piano bench. He smiled before departing into the sea of people in the bar. Blaine sat down at the piano and glanced down at the keys. He played a few notes, hoping that his fingers would cooperate.
"Um... hi, everyone," he said into the microphone. "I, um, I want to sing a song that's very special to me. This is a song that I sang the first time I ever met the love of my life."
KURT
Kurt glanced at Rachel as his stomach suddenly felt like it was full of butterflies. This was their song. The song that had changed everything for both of them.
"Um, so, Kurt... this is for you," Blaine said.
The arrangement was different than the one Blaine had sung with the Warblers the day they met. This was slower, more emotional.
"Before you met me, I was alright. But things were kinda heavy; you brought me to life. Now every February, you'll be my Valentine. Valentine."
As Blaine sang, Kurt thought about everything that had happened since that day at Dalton. It was second only to the day his mother had died on his list of single moments that had changed his life.
Kurt felt lucky; he had known that it was a special moment as it happened. Most people could only look back on significant moments and realize, with hindsight, how much their lives had been affected by various events and meetings. But Kurt's entire world had been rocked to its core that day when Blaine had grabbed his hand and pulled him down a hallway to witness Blaine singing a girl's song with the Warblers.
Blaine paused, and Kurt knew that he was remembering, too.
"Let's go all the way tonight. No regrets, just love. We can dance until we die. You and I will be young forever."
Kurt squirmed in his seat as he thought about the fact that he and Blaine could do whatever they wanted when they got back to the apartment. No parents around to catch them. Just two adults in love and, finally, together in New York.
Blaine paused again, and then he lifted his gaze from the piano to look at Kurt.
"You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream. The way you turn me on. I can't sleep. Let's run away and don't ever look back. Don't ever look back."
The butterflies in Kurt's stomach felt as if they turned to stone as Kurt watched Blaine's face and heard his voice cracking as he sang.
Something wasn't right.
It had been gnawing at Kurt for the past few hours, but Kurt had tried his best to ignore it. Blaine was sad. Really, really sad.
"My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch. Now baby I believe this is real so take a chance and don't ever look back. Don't ever look... I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight."
Kurt swallowed thickly as Blaine poured his emotions out through the song. Their song.
Blaine wanted to break up.
Kurt couldn't think of any other reason for this serenade. Blaine wanted to end things, but he didn't want to be a jerk about it. He was trying to let Kurt down gently.
Panic started to creep into Kurt's mind as he watched Blaine sing. He hadn't paid enough attention to Blaine since he had moved to New York. He knew it. He had known it all along. He had allowed himself to be swept up in the excitement of Vogue dot com and living the beginning of his dream and he had neglected the person he loved more than anyone.
But he had thought that things were okay between them. Sure, they missed each other like crazy, but they had talked about that. One year of long distance before a lifetime of being together.
"Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight."
Blaine looked up at Kurt again, and Kurt didn't know what to do. He just sat there and tried not to let his internal panic reach his exterior.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Blaine was just exhausted and nervous about being in New York for the first time and wanted to do something overly sweet for Kurt to show him how much he had missed him. Maybe he was just emotional because this was a huge moment for them. Their first night together in New York.
"You make me feel like a teenage dream. The way you turn me on. I can't sleep. Let's run away and don't ever look back. Don't ever look back."
No, something was definitely wrong. Blaine was seriously upset. Blaine always said that he was best at acting out his feelings in song, and this song was so sad.
But why was he sad if he wanted to break up? Kurt didn't understand.
"My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch. Now baby I believe this is real. So take a chance and don't ever look back. No. And I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans be your teenage dream tonight."
Kurt didn't dare glance at Finn and Rachel next to him. He didn't want to see the looks on their faces.
"I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream... tonight."
Blaine finished the song and the room applauded his performance, but Kurt was fighting back tears so hard that he barely remembered to clap his hands a few times. Pascal clasped Blaine on the shoulder and Blaine stood up to return to his seat beside Kurt. Kurt couldn't look at him. He didn't want to see the pain in Blaine's eyes up close.
"We should go!" Rachel said, too brightly, as Blaine was about to sit down. "How about a walk?"
Blaine obeyed without a word, and Kurt felt the other boy's fingers brush across his back as he walked past.
Rachel stopped briefly to say goodbye to Brody – Kurt waved at him as he walked past, but couldn't bring himself to stop to speak to anyone – and then they all exited the bar onto the busy sidewalk.
Kurt, Blaine, Finn, and Rachel walked in complete silence until they reached a nearby park. Then, Rachel and Finn picked up their pace a bit and Kurt knew that they were leaving him alone with Blaine.
Why wasn't Blaine saying anything?
They continued to walk in silence, the air thick between them, until Kurt had to say something or risk a meltdown.
"So, that was... moving," Kurt acknowledged. He glanced at Blaine, trying to read his face, but Blaine just nodded slightly. "I guess I'm kind of wondering why that was."
"Well," Blaine said, his voice thick with emotion, "you know, I, uh... I really missed you."
He hesitated long enough that Kurt knew it was a lie. Or, at least, not the entire truth.
"I missed you, too," Kurt replied immediately, grasping one final bit of hope that maybe they could just talk things out and go home to the apartment and have the carefree night Kurt had imagined. "And I'm really glad that you're here. But... you've been so emotional and weirdly sad."
The look on Blaine's face told him that he was right. Something was going on.
"Please stop pretending that there's nothing wrong," Kurt added.
Blaine stopped walking, and Kurt knew that this was a moment in his life. A moment like meeting Blaine at Dalton. His boyfriend was about to break up with him.
"I was with someone," Blaine said miserably.
Every response Kurt had been planning – every argument about why they were perfect for each other – flew out of his mind as Blaine said the last thing Kurt had ever imagined hearing. He felt as if his heart had suddenly turned to stone and wedged itself up into his throat.
Blaine had been with someone?
Every bit of insecurity Kurt had ever felt about himself clawed its way to the surface.
"It was Sebastian, wasn't it?" he asked, not sure why it was the first thing that came to his mind, but unable to think clearly enough to ask anything else.
"No," Blaine replied. "No, it wasn't Sebastian, but it doesn't... it didn't mean anything. It was just a hookup, okay?"
Kurt didn't believe him. How was he ever supposed to believe a word out of Blaine's mouth again? Just a hookup? There was no such thing.
"Who was it?" Kurt pressed as his emotions built up inside of him until he could no longer hold back the tears. He felt obsessed about knowing. Who had Blaine found that he wanted more than Kurt?
Kurt was surprised when the question agitated Blaine.
"It doesn't matter who it was with, Kurt," Blaine scolded. "What matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there."
Guilt and rage surged through Kurt as he listened to Blaine's words.
"And I was lonely," Blaine admitted, his voice softening. "And I'm... I'm really sorry."
"And you don't think that I've been lonely?" Kurt snapped, feeling like he was teetering on the edge of losing all control. "You don't think that I've had temptations? But I didn't act on it because I knew what it meant! It meant something horrible and awful and..."
He had to stop. He didn't know how to articulate how completely devastated he felt.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine said miserably. "I really am."
They looked at each other for a moment, and Kurt was suddenly hit with an intense urge to get away. To get away from this situation before he said something hateful or pathetic or insane.
BLAINE
As Kurt turned and hurried away, Blaine felt so much grief that he couldn't move. He stood and watched Kurt run away and wondered how things had ever ended up like this.
He hadn't apologized properly. Why had he gotten so angry? He should have been gentler. But his resentment over being left behind and ignored had reared its head. What was wrong with him?
Kurt disappeared around a corner, and Blaine realized he needed to follow. He knew that Kurt wasn't going to want to talk to him, but Blaine couldn't bear the thought that he was losing his best friend – the love of his life – over this. Plus, Blaine didn't have any idea how to get back to the apartment. He didn't think that Kurt would just abandon him in Manhattan, but he wasn't going to test Kurt's concern for him tonight.
He ran after Kurt, following him until Kurt sat down on the edge of a large fountain. Blaine hurried to sit beside him
"Kurt –"
"I don't want to talk," Kurt snapped. Blaine was vaguely aware that Rachel and Finn were arguing a few feet away.
"Please –" Blaine asked.
"Don't," Kurt said, his voice full of pain. He wouldn't look at Blaine. He looked as broken as Blaine felt.
After a moment of loaded silence, Kurt got up and hurried away again. Blaine watched him go and realized that things were worse than he had imagined. Kurt didn't even want to be in the same space as Blaine anymore.
The train ride back to Bushwick was the most uncomfortable forty five minutes Blaine had ever experienced. They sat on opposite sides of the nearly empty car – Kurt's decision, as Blaine had found his seat first – and Kurt cried almost the entire way. He was quiet about it, but Blaine could tell by the way he was sitting and by the way he kept reaching up to rub at his face. Blaine's body ached with shame, and he spent a large portion of the journey in tears, as well.
He wanted, more than anything, to sit beside Kurt and talk about it and explain himself and beg Kurt's forgiveness, but Blaine knew that Kurt wasn't ready. And Blaine didn't want to force the conversation in the middle of a public train car where Kurt couldn't get away if he wanted to. Kurt would feel trapped.
Rachel and Finn weren't talking either. They started out sitting near each other, but, eventually, Rachel got up and went to sit beside Kurt. He put his head on her shoulder, and nobody said another word for the rest of the journey.
As they walked through the doorway into the apartment, Blaine realized that he wasn't sure if he was still welcome to stay the night. Kurt wouldn't even look at him or acknowledge his presence.
Blaine moved quietly to his small suitcase, his chest constricting painfully as he remembered that Kurt had given it to him on Valentine's Day so he would have a perfect little bag to bring to New York on weekends, and bent down to pick it up. He needed to go. He didn't want to make Kurt have to kick him out.
As he stood up, Blaine glanced around the apartment. Finn and Rachel had disappeared into Rachel's makeshift room, and Blaine wasn't sure where Kurt was.
"Stay."
Blaine jumped as Kurt's voice startled him from behind. He turned to see Kurt standing by the door.
"I –" Blaine started, but Kurt cut him off with a shake of his head.
"I don't want to talk," Kurt said, his voice trembling and his eyes puffy and red from crying. "But I want you safe."
KURT
Kurt couldn't bear the thought of Blaine, alone and upset, on the streets of New York all night. Even if he could find a hotel, Kurt wouldn't know where he was and the last thing Kurt wanted was for something to happen to Blaine because Kurt couldn't act like a mature adult.
And, even though he felt as if Blaine had just shredded his heart into a million pieces, Kurt still loved him. He couldn't throw Blaine out into the darkness. He would regret it later.
"So..." Kurt gestured with his hand toward his bed. It was definitely big enough for both of them.
Blaine nodded, his eyes full of sorrow.
"Kurt –" Blaine said.
Kurt wasn't ready to talk. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to talk. So, he turned and walked back into his room. He heard Blaine grabbing his bathroom bag and pajamas, and the bathroom door closed behind him. Kurt grabbed his pajamas and changed in his room before sitting down on his bed in front of his mirror.
Was he ever going to feel happy again? It didn't feel possible. Everything was tinted with the pain of Blaine sleeping with someone else.
He climbed into bed and turned his back to where Blaine would be sleeping. He didn't want to see Blaine in his pajamas with his fresh toothpaste breath and his hair probably still gelled because he wasn't going to shower until the morning.
This was not the way Kurt had imagined their first night in New York would go.
This was not the way Kurt had imagined his life would go.
He was supposed to be at NYADA. Blaine was supposed to be ruling the school back in Ohio. They were supposed to be so in love that the distance felt like nothing at all.
Instead, he was a fashion intern with an uncertain future. Blaine was miserable and had cheated on him. They were broken.
Kurt heard the gentle movement of the curtain as Blaine came into the room and felt the bed sag as Blaine climbed into bed.
Then, silence.
Kurt couldn't sleep.
He was exhausted after the emotional turmoil of the evening, but his brain wouldn't stop churning. All he could think about was the other guy. Whoever he was. No matter how hard he tried to think of other things – even other things related to Blaine's confession – all Kurt could think about with Blaine lying beside him was them. Blaine and the nameless boy.
With a little shutter of disgust, Kurt climbed out of bed and snuck into the main part of the apartment. If he wasn't going to sleep, he could at least spare himself the suffering of feeling the bed move every time Blaine shifted and listening to Blaine breathing beside him.
BLAINE
As Kurt got out of bed and walked away, Blaine stayed as still and quiet as possible. He hoped that Kurt was just going to the bathroom or to get some water, but, as the minutes ticked by and Kurt didn't return, Blaine knew Kurt just wanted to be away from him.
Blaine stared at the curtain that was the wall of Kurt's bedroom and listened to the unfamiliar sounds of the city, and he worried that Kurt would never want him around again. Not even if Blaine begged for forgiveness every day for the rest of his life. Kurt had a stronger sense of what was right than anyone else Blaine knew, and this was so wrong that Blaine wasn't sure if Kurt would be able to see past it. Blaine wasn't sure if he would ever be able to see past it. He had shattered every good thing he had ever thought about himself. He was a bad person.
He heard something fall to the floor in the apartment and heard Kurt's quiet groan of frustration – Blaine guessed that he had dropped his phone – and the sound of Kurt's voice, even without words, pushed Blaine over the edge. He buried his face into his pillow and let himself cry until he was so exhausted from traveling and releasing his secret and watching his relationship with Kurt implode that his body had to shut down and he fell into a restless sleep.
KURT
Kurt spent the night attempting to distract himself from the horrible images and possibilities that were bombarding his mind. He played every game on his phone until the battery ran out and he had to get up and plug it in. He flipped through every fashion magazine he had sitting out. He started to re-organize the kitchen, but it was too loud so he sat on the floor in the kitchen for a while and felt sorry for himself.
By the time the sky outside the window began to turn pink, he was sitting in a chair in the living room. He sat there in the dark, staring at nothing and wishing that his brain would just stop feeling.
How could Blaine sleep after everything that had happened? Kurt was so consumed by his emotions that he couldn't stop his brain even thought he wanted to. He couldn't stop imagining and analyzing and freaking out.
A sound startled Kurt out of his thoughts, and he looked up as Finn appeared out of Rachel's bedroom. He was carrying his bag.
"You can't just run away," Kurt scolded, not interested in diplomacy.
Finn jumped as Kurt reached out to turn on the lamp beside him.
"Dude, you totally spooked me," Finn said as the lamp came on. "I thought I was the only one awake."
"I've been waiting for somebody to come out," Kurt admitted, exhausted. "I was hoping it'd be Blaine."
Blaine had to come out eventually, but Kurt wanted him to come out now. To come out and apologize a million times and do something. But, at the same time, he didn't want any of that. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want it to be real.
"You guys okay?" Finn asked.
"I kinda feel like I'm gonna die," Kurt admitted.
He had felt incredible sadness in his lifetime. He had felt betrayal. But never such a potent combination of both at once.
"Guess I don't have to ask you what you're doing, apparently," Kurt said dryly.
"I'll talk to her later about it," Finn said uncomfortably. "I– I've just gotta get away for a bit."
Kurt didn't even want to scold him for running away.
"Six months ago, did you ever think that things would be like this?" Kurt asked, looking up at his step-brother from his seat.
"Sometimes I miss high school, you know?" Finn admitted, and Kurt was grateful that Finn understood. High school. When things had been so simple and, by the end, happy.
"Come on," Finn said suddenly, "give me a hug before I go."
Kurt was proud of himself when he managed to stand up and wrap his arms around Finn for a hug without bursting into tears. When they stepped away from each other, Finn turned to leave, and Kurt thought for a moment about how upset Rachel was going to be when she woke up and discovered that Finn had gone.
"Do you want me to... say anything to Rachel?" he asked as Finn's hand reached the door handle.
Finn paused. "No," he decided, and then he slipped out the door and closed it quietly behind him.
BLAINE
When Blaine woke up, it was very early in the morning. There was some light shining in through the windows, but it was still the soft light of the early morning.
He felt horrible, emotionally and physically. His head hurt from all the crying, and he felt dirty in every possible way.
Blaine didn't need to roll over to know that Kurt had never returned to the bed. He sat up slowly, took a long drink from a water bottle on his nightstand, and knew that he had to find Kurt. They needed to talk. He needed to explain why he had done such a horrible thing. He needed to beg for Kurt's forgiveness.
He walked out into the main area of the apartment, and there was Kurt. Sound asleep in a chair. He looked uncomfortable, but Blaine didn't want to wake him up. Instead, he hurried to get dressed in the bathroom. When he returned to the main room, he walked over to his packed suitcase and didn't know what to do.
Blaine wanted to grab his bag and run. Run to a place where he never had to see the pain in Kurt's eyes again. But, at the same time, the thought of leaving was so overwhelming that he never wanted to let Kurt out of his sight again.
He knew that he had to stay, at least long enough to say goodbye. He had to concentrate on doing the mature thing. The right thing. Because it was going to take so many right things to even begin to compensate for what he had done wrong.
Kurt shifted in his chair and his head rolled to the side, causing him to jerk awake. As he opened his eyes and saw Blaine, he immediately straightened up in the chair.
"Hi," Blaine said quietly.
Kurt didn't respond.
"Kurt," Blaine said, "I am so, so –"
"I know you're sorry," Kurt interrupted dully.
It was a kind way of telling Blaine to be quiet. Blaine closed his mouth and didn't bother fighting back the tears that were pooling in his eyes.
"There's cereal in the kitchen," Kurt suggested.
"Do you want some?" Blaine asked cautiously.
"No," Kurt replied.
Blaine poured himself some cereal and sat down at the small table to eat. He could feel Kurt watching him, and he felt like his every move was being analyzed. He ate a few bites before giving in to his lack of appetite and dropping the spoon into the bowl in defeat.
"Kurt..." he said, turning his entire body in the chair so he was facing the boy across the room.
"I don't want to talk," Kurt said.
"We need to talk," Blaine begged. "Please."
Kurt didn't respond, and they just stared at each other across the room for a moment.
"I think it might be best if you go," Kurt broke the silence and the eye contact at the same time.
"Kurt," Blaine protested.
"Please, go," Kurt said, more forcefully than before.
"I didn't come here to dump this on you and leave," Blaine said as he stood up and moved to the sink to wash his bowl.
"I don't care why you came," Kurt lied.
The air in the room was thick with melancholy and anger. Blaine finished washing the bowl as quickly as he could. When he turned back around, Rachel was walking out of her bedroom. She looked around, taking in Kurt in his chair and Blaine standing by the sink, and her eyes narrowed.
"He left," Kurt explained, answering the unspoken question.
To Blaine's surprise, Rachel huffed out a noise of extreme frustration and spun around to march back into her room.
Blaine walked over to his suitcase.
"I'm only leaving because you asked me to," Blaine said, forcing himself to speak clearly and loudly enough that there would be no room for misunderstanding. "I know it's hard to believe me right now, Kurt, but I know that you know, deep inside, how much I –"
His voice cracked and he had to stop speaking. As he picked up his bag and walked to the door, he glanced up and saw Rachel through the opening into her makeshift bedroom. She paused to look at him, and Blaine risked a small wave goodbye. To his relief, she waved back, but her expression was difficult to read.
Blaine turned his attention back to Kurt, who was staring at the floor, and Blaine's entire body ached as he realized that he had no idea when he would see the Kurt again. The possibility that he could go the rest of his life without so much as another hug from Kurt was unbearable.
"I love you," Blaine said quietly.
The tears already in Kurt's eyes spilled over onto his cheeks, and Blaine bumped awkwardly into the door as he misjudged the distance to the handle. He pulled the door open, and when he turned to look at Kurt one more time Kurt was staring back at him.
There was so much that Blaine wanted to say, but he knew that Kurt didn't want to hear it. Not yet. So, Blaine tore his gaze away and stepped out into the hallway.
As he closed the door behind him, Blaine could feel himself crying, but he didn't care. He didn't care if every single person he encountered on his journey home stared at him. Nothing felt like it mattered except the boy he had just left behind.
KURT
As soon as the door slid closed behind Blaine, Kurt burst into tears. Rachel came running out of her room and pulled him out of his chair and onto the couch so she could hold him while he sobbed. He was glad that she didn't feel the urge to talk; he didn't think he could do anything but just cry.
It felt like an eternity had passed by the time Kurt started to calm down and Rachel finally sat back and grabbed one of his hands in both of hers.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt," she said, her eyes as red and swollen as Kurt's felt.
"What am I going to do?" Kurt whispered.
"You don't have to decide anything right now," Rachel reassured him, squeezing his hand.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, hoping that talking about something else would help his mind settle down.
"I don't know," she admitted.
The response started a new round of tears for both of them, and Kurt leaned his head back onto the couch and closed his eyes, wishing that the past twenty four hours had never happened.
"... Kurt?"
He started awake to find Rachel standing over him. He was lying on the couch. His head was on one of his pillows. The light pouring in through the windows was incredibly bright.
He had fallen asleep.
"Mmm?" he moaned.
"We're in desperate need of groceries," Rachel explained. "So I'm going to go out... I didn't want you to wake up to the empty apartment."
Kurt nodded his thanks, and Rachel left to get food. Kurt didn't move from his place on the couch.
The silence was different when there was nobody around. It filled every inch of the apartment, and Kurt felt the weight of how alone he was.
Usually, when he was this upset, he would call Blaine.
Instead, he found his phone in his pocket and called Burt.
"Hello?"
At the sound of his father's voice, Kurt felt as if an invisible hand was suddenly crushing his windpipe. He could barely breathe, much less say anything.
"Kurt?" Burt asked again.
"Hi," Kurt managed.
"Kurt," his father's voice was instantly serious, "what's wrong? Where are you?"
"At the apartment," Kurt explained quickly.
"You never call and just say 'hi'," Burt pressed. "Tell me what's wrong, Kurt."
Kurt fixed his gaze on the wall and hesitated.
"Kurt," his father said, this time with more authority in his voice.
"Blaine and I broke up."
Silence.
Kurt felt the invisible hand returning to his throat as soon as the words were out of his mouth. It felt so horrible to say it out loud. It felt like the most horrible thing in the entire world. Nothing would ever be okay again.
He heard his father take a deep breath.
"Okay," Burt said.
"Okay?" Kurt echoed in disbelief.
"Not 'it's okay', Kurt," Burt elaborated. "But I want more details before I decide if I need to hire a hit man."
"That's not funny," Kurt gasped.
Sorry," Burt apologized. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. What happened?"
"He came," Kurt explained. "He came here and surprised me. And I– I was so happy to see him..."
It took a while, but Kurt managed to get most of the story out without having a complete meltdown. Somehow, it helped to tell the story. To dump everything out in chronological order.
"Is he still there?" Burt asked when the story ended with "... and we didn't talk at all last night or this morning".
"No," Kurt clarified.
Burt made a noise of confirmation, and Kurt glanced at the closed door.
Blaine was gone. Kurt's eyes stung with tears, but he held himself together as his father spoke again.
"Kurt," Burt said, "the most important thing that I need you to understand is that this is not, under any circumstances, your fault."
"I know," Kurt said automatically.
"I know that you know," Burt replied. "But sometimes, in the coming weeks, it's going to be hard to remember. And when those times come, I am going to remind you."
"Okay," Kurt agreed sadly.
"Is Rachel there?" his father asked.
"She went to get groceries," Kurt explained. "She'll be back soon."
"Alright," Burt said. "I'm really sorry about this, Kurt. What can I do to help?"
"Not much," Kurt reassured him. "I just... it's good to hear your voice."
"You call me any time," Burt told him. "I don't care if it's two in the morning. If you just want to hear my voice, you call. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Kurt squeaked through a new wave of emotion.
"I love you, Kurt," Burt said.
"I love you, too, Dad," Kurt said.
"When I say 'any time', I mean it," Burt reminded him. "I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
"Okay," Kurt said. "Bye."
He hung up and closed his eyes to try to sleep away the time until Rachel returned. He did more tossing and turning on the couch than actual sleeping, but he was still startled by the sound of Rachel sliding the door open.
The little jolt of adrenaline was enough to get him up off the couch. But the rest of the weekend loomed ahead of Kurt like a never-ending nightmare.
Rachel seemed okay; less talkative and energetic than usual, but not absolutely devastated. But Kurt felt like his entire world had been destroyed.
He spent the weekend alternating between rage and paralyzing sadness. Between hating Blaine for being a heartless cheater to remembering the anguish in Blaine's eyes as he sang at Callbacks and feeling guilty for not realizing that Blaine felt so abandoned until it was too late.
He knew one thing for sure; he wasn't taking Blaine back. Not now. Maybe not ever.
BLAINE
School on Monday was as rough as Blaine imagined that it would be. He had to answer innocent questions about his absence at the end of the previous week. And he had to pretend that he cared about math and history and English when all he really wanted was to be alone.
Or with Kurt.
He had spent the entire day on Saturday at the airport, waiting for a flight to open up so he could fly home. He had texted Kurt when he finally landed in Ohio – I'm so sorry. I know that I hurt you terribly, but can we please talk about it? I love you. – but, not unexpectedly, he hadn't heard back.
On Sunday morning, he had sent Kurt an email. He didn't want to write an essay trying to justify his actions, so he kept it short. He apologized profusely and asked Kurt if they could please talk about it before Kurt made a decision about the status of their relationship. He made sure to take all the responsibility for what happened and told Kurt that it would never, ever happen again. He had learned his lesson. He had made the worst mistake of his life.
But, Blaine asked at the end of the email, could Kurt find it in himself to give Blaine a second chance?
I love you so much, he finished. Blaine.
He didn't get a response to the email, either.
But, really, Blaine wanted to talk to Kurt, not email or text. So, on Sunday afternoon, he tried to call. No answer.
He didn't keep track, but Blaine thought he probably hadn't slept more than a total of six hours all weekend. He was exhausted, but his mind wouldn't calm down enough to really allow him to sleep. Instead, his nights were an agonizingly long series of little naps broken up by tears and time spent staring at the ceiling as Blaine tried to figure out how to fix things.
By the time he got to glee club on Monday afternoon, Blaine could only think of one positive thing that had happened all day. He hadn't had a nap. So, maybe he would be so utterly devoid of energy by bedtime that he would sleep through the night.
He was surprised to find Finn in the otherwise empty choir room.
"Hey," Finn said, and Blaine was grateful to hear that the other boy's voice was not hostile.
"Um... by the time I got up, you were already gone," Blaine explained. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye."
Blaine knew what Finn was going to say before he said it.
"Why'd you do that to him?" Finn asked. There was protectiveness in his voice – protectiveness for Finn's step-brother – but there was sympathy for Blaine there, too. Blaine was grateful that Finn was his friend.
"I don't know," Blaine said automatically. "I just..."
How could he explain the complete emptiness he was feeling?
"...there's no excuse," Blaine dodged. "He won't talk to me. I don't even know if we're broken up."
Before Finn could respond, they were interrupted.
"Finn!" Sam exclaimed as he came through the doorway into the choir room. "What's up?"
As the other students trickled in and were all equally excited to see Finn, Blaine moved to sit at the back of the room and wished that he could become invisible. None of them knew he had gone to New York over the weekend, and he hoped that Finn wouldn't mention it.
How was he supposed to lead New Direction when he couldn't even act responsibly in his personal life?
Blaine struggled to focus as Mr. Schu came in, greeted Finn, and told the group that they needed to choose a musical for the year.
They decided on Grease without much of a vote, but Blaine didn't care. He didn't want to be part of the musical, anyway. He didn't want to do anything without Kurt in his life.
KURT
Monday morning was more of a relief for Kurt than anything. An excuse to go to his internship and do everything he could possibly do to get his mind off of Blaine.
It worked for a few hours. There was a backlog of calls to go through, and Kurt savored the distraction.
"Kurt Hummel?"
Kurt glanced up from the message he was transcribing to see a young woman holding a large vase full of roses.
Red and yellow roses.
Kurt nodded as a lump formed in his throat. The young woman smiled.
"These are for you," she said. Kurt cleared a space on his desk and she set them down.
"Thanks," Kurt said as she turned to walk away.
They were from Blaine. Kurt knew it before he even reached for the little card that was stuck in between the flowers. Ever since Kurt had gotten Blaine a red and yellow bouquet to congratulate him on the role of Tony in West Side Story the year before, red and yellow roses had become their flowers of choice. Blaine sent them when Kurt was sick. Kurt sent them when Blaine was stuck at home all weekend writing three essays he had procrastinated. And now Blaine was sending them to apologize for sleeping with another guy.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he saw that the card had a drawing of a guy in the dog house on it. The message, written in the florist's handwriting, was simple.
Kurt, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. xo xo xo. Blaine.
"Well," a coworker suddenly appeared beside Kurt's desk, interrupting his thoughts, "someone's either seriously crushing on you or seriously trying to make up for something."
"The latter," Kurt confirmed sadly.
"Ouch," the coworker hissed sympathetically. "He cute?"
"The cutest," Kurt admitted.
"Well, that sucks. I'm sorry," the other man said. "Hey, you need to go binge shopping? Isabelle's summoning us to the conference room – I can cover for you."
Kurt shook his head.
"I'm okay," he said.
It was a lie.
"I'll be okay," he amended.
His coworker nodded and motioned with his head for Kurt to come along as he turned to walk away.
Kurt glanced at the note once more before letting it fall into the little trash can beside his desk.
KURT
Toward the end of the week, Kurt was feeling both better and worse. He was having an easier time functioning without constantly fighting the urge to sob uncontrollably. But he wasn't sleeping. And Blaine was still texting him once every day to tell him he loved him and that he was sorry. Kurt had decided that he was not going to text him back, no matter how much he wanted to. Blaine had done this to them. Kurt didn't owe him anything. There was nothing he could say to make things okay.
Kurt slid the apartment door open after work one afternoon and was bombarded with Rachel's clothes. They were everywhere. Kurt stepped cautiously into the room and looked around.
"Are you... okay?" he asked cautiously as Rachel hurried past with a stack of clean towels in her arms.
She didn't respond. As she put the towels away, Kurt realized that she was packing. Or maybe unpacking. Her pink suitcase was open on her bed, but it was only half full.
"Going somewhere?" Kurt asked, starting to feel nervous. It was unlike Rachel to be so quiet, especially when she was so clearly distraught.
"Ohio," she replied as she walked past Kurt to her suitcase.
"Ohio?" Kurt repeated.
"I am done," Rachel snapped, turning to face Kurt. "I am so done waiting around for Finn to decide what this relationship is all about."
"Oh," Kurt gasped.
He and Rachel hadn't really spoken about their relationship issues since the morning after they went to Callbacks. Sometimes one of them would cry and the other would hold them. Sometimes one of them would get extremely grumpy and the other would go out and get a little cake from a bakery down the street. But they didn't really talk about it. For Kurt, it was too painful. Every time he thought about Blaine it felt like his life would never be whole again.
Rachel had clearly reached a breaking point when it came to Finn.
"So you're... going home?" Kurt asked, trying not to think about Ohio. Ohio was where Blaine was.
"We need to talk," she replied, turning her attention to packing her suitcase. "And, clearly, the only way I'm ever going to talk to Finn is if I just show up."
"He's in Lima?" Kurt asked, walking over to help her fold and organize her clothes in her suitcase. His father hadn't mentioned Finn the last time they spoke, but maybe Finn had asked his mom and step-father not to tell Kurt because Kurt would tell Rachel.
"Yes," Rachel huffed.
"How do you –?" Kurt started to ask. He didn't even know Finn was in Lima, and they shared a home there with Burt and Carole.
"Do you ever feel like you deserve more?" Rachel asked suddenly, dropping a shirt into her suitcase and turning to look at Kurt again.
Kurt just stared at her.
"I mean, look at us," Rachel motioned to herself and Kurt. "We are living in New York and going to college and working at internships. Doesn't that mean we deserve some respect?"
Kurt knew to just wait and let her rant it out, so he nodded.
"Finn doesn't respect me," Rachel said with finality.
"He..." Kurt thought about that for a moment. Finn had run off in the morning without waiting for Rachel to wake up. And he was totally ignoring her despite her repeated attempts to contact him. Kurt knew that Finn loved Rachel, but was he respecting her? Kurt wasn't sure.
"I'm breaking up with him," Rachel said softly.
"No matter what?" Kurt asked sadly, walking over to help her fold her clothes and fit them into her suitcase.
She nodded, and Kurt could tell she was trying not to cry. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and squeezed her to his side briefly before releasing her.
"I'm proud of you," he said. "Can I... help, somehow?"
Rachel closed her suitcase and zipped it up, and Kurt pulled it off the bed.
"You don't need to do anything," Rachel said, leaning over to peck a kiss on his cheek. She put a gentle hand on Kurt's other cheek as she did so, and it was icy cold. "Thanks, though."
"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Kurt said. "When are you coming back?"
"Monday, but late," she said as she walked around and started picking up the clothing she had strewn around the apartment in her packing frenzy. "I... it's going to be so good to see my dads, you know?"
Kurt did know. He missed his father more now than ever.
Rachel and Kurt cleaned up all of Rachel's clothes, and, when the apartment was back to its normal state, Rachel glanced at the clock.
"I should go," she said.
Kurt hugged her, and when he released her he could see in her eyes that she wanted to ask him about Blaine and what she should do if she saw him.
He shook his head, hoping that she would understand.
"Okay," Rachel agreed. She grabbed her suitcase and walked to the door. Kurt offered a small wave, which she returned, and suddenly he found himself alone in the apartment.
Kurt had been alone in the apartment many times. But this was different. He was alone. And he was going to be alone all weekend. He couldn't call Blaine. Or Rachel. Or his father; he didn't want Burt to worry. So, Kurt turned on the television and hoped that the characters on the screen would keep him company until Rachel returned.
BLAINE
By Friday, Blaine had fallen into a routine.
Get up. Eat breakfast. Drive to school. Pay attention in class. Take excellent notes to make paying attention easier. Gossip about frivolous topics at lunch. More class. Attempt to focus during glee rehearsal. Drive home. Eat dinner. Shower. Lie in bed and try to sleep.
He was between "more class" and "attempt to focus during glee rehearsal", walking down the hallway toward his locker, when he glanced up and saw Rachel was walking down the hallway toward him.
Their eyes met, and Blaine wondered if he could actually feel the blood rushing out of his face or if he was just imagining it.
He stopped walking, but Rachel didn't. She didn't hesitate as she walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Blaine.
She had been crying.
"He's not here," she answered Blaine's unspoken question.
"Oh," Blaine breathed, disappointed. Of course not. Kurt didn't want anything to do with him. Why was Rachel here?
Before he could get any words to flow from his brain to his mouth, Rachel wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. The look on her face when she pulled away said many things. I'm unhappy with you. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
She walked away, and Blaine stood and stared after her until she turned a corner and disappeared from view.
Blaine turned to walk to the choir room, forgetting whatever he had been going to get from his locker. Most of the students were already there. Finn wasn't.
"Hey," Marley greeted him as he sat down beside her.
"Hey," he replied absentmindedly.
Had he really just hugged Rachel Berry in the hallway?
Maybe she would tell Kurt that she saw him. Maybe it would be the push Kurt needed to return Blaine's calls.
If they could talk, maybe they could start again. Rebuild what they had.
"Blaine!"
"What?" he blinked, snapping out of his thoughts as Marley shook his arm.
"You okay?" Marley asked, clearly for the second or third time.
"Kurt and I broke up," Blaine said before he could stop himself.
He hadn't thought he had spoken loudly, but the entire room fell silent and everyone in New Directions turned to look at him.
"Oh," Marley said. "Oh, I... uh, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah," Blaine acknowledged, casting his eyes down to the floor so he didn't have to look at the shock and pity in everyone's eyes.
He was relieved that nobody tried to give him a pep talk. No "don't worry, you'll find someone else!". No "it's his loss!". No "it's going to be okay!". Even the newest members of New Directions seemed to sense that this breakup was more serious than most.
Everyone was incredibly nice to him all afternoon, and Blaine was grateful for their kindness. But it didn't help him feel any less hopeless about his future with Kurt.
KURT
On Friday evening, Kurt went out with Isabelle and some of his other co-workers. They were out extremely late, as usual, and Kurt was grateful for the distraction. By the time he got home, he was so exhausted that his brain was numb and things felt almost normal. He fell into bed, and it was as if his body was physically incapable of staying awake anymore. He slept peacefully though the night.
The next morning was a different story. He woke up feeling well-rested, but, as soon as he got out of bed, everything reminded him of Blaine. Blaine ate out of this bowl. Blaine ate this cereal. Blaine put his suitcase right here. Blaine slept on that side of the bed. Blaine bumped into the door on his way out. Blaine kissed him against that wall.
And he couldn't stop thinking about what Rachel had said about Finn ignoring her texts and calls.
He was doing that to Blaine.
He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the text messages Blaine had been sending all week.
Kurt wasn't willing to give Blaine the relief of forgiveness. Cheating was unforgivable. No matter how much he wanted to find a way to work things out, he couldn't. Blaine cheated. They were done.
I don't want to talk, Kurt texted Blaine. Please stop.
KURT
When Rachel got back, she was a changed woman.
"...as if I need him to give me my freedom!" she ranted, recounting her conversation with Finn. "So I told him that was it. We're through."
Kurt watched her pacing the room from his place on the couch.
"Also –" she began.
A sudden knock on the door interrupted them, and Kurt hopped off the couch. He walked over to the door and pulled it open to reveal a delivery man holding a package wrapped in brown paper.
"Kurt Hummel?" the delivery man asked.
Kurt's mouth went dry as he looked at the package in the man's arms. The address was in Blaine's handwriting.
"No," Kurt lied. "I'm sorry, it must... have the wrong address."
The delivery man checked the address, confirming that it was correct, but didn't seem to suspect that Kurt had just lied about his identity. "Huh," he said, tucking the package under his arm. "Well, sorry about that! Have a great day!"
"Thanks, you too," Kurt said brightly.
As the man retreated down the hallway, Kurt slid the door closed and turned to find Rachel standing beside him.
"Ah!" Kurt gasped, startled.
"Sorry," she said, not sounding even remotely remorseful. Kurt brushed past her, doing his best to ignore her pointed stare. "Kurt –"
"I don't want to talk about it!" Kurt cut her off, trying to keep his tone light so Rachel would know that he wasn't angry with her.
"What was it?" Rachel asked, not ready to drop the subject.
"I don't know and I don't care," Kurt snapped as he reached the couch and sat down.
"Have you talked to him at all?" Rachel asked, walking over to sit beside him.
Kurt shook his head. Rachel reached out and rubbed his back for a moment as they sat in silence, and Kurt wished she would change the subject or that his phone would ring and he would be called into work. Anything to get his mind off of Blaine.
"What are you going to do when you see him again?" Rachel asked tentatively.
"I'm not going to see him again," Kurt replied dully.
Her silence told him that she was giving him a critical look. He didn't want to see it, so he stared at the floor.
"Ugh, don't patronize me," he whined.
"I'm not patronizing you," Rachel chided. "I'm just– don't you think it might help to talk about it?"
"No," Kurt said.
"Well, I think it might," Rachel said with authority.
"What do you want me to say?" Kurt rolled his eyes as he turned to look at her. "That I'm absolutely miserable? That I can't even open the door to my own apartment without thinking of him? That I... that I miss him?"
"Of course you miss him," Rachel said quietly.
"I wish I didn't," Kurt mumbled.
"I saw him," Rachel admitted.
"What?" Kurt gasped.
"In the hallway at McKinley," Rachel elaborated. "He looks terrible."
"Good," Kurt rolled his eyes.
Rachel chewed her lip, and Kurt knew she was trying to decide if she wanted to say more. To press more.
She decided not to.
Instead, she grabbed his hand and pulled him off the couch.
"Come on," she said, "we're going to get our cake together this time."
Well, there it is. Blaine slept with Eli and now everyone's sad. But hang in there! In my opinion, the writers actually did a pretty decent job of handling Kurt and Blaine's situation post-break up, so it's been fun to expand on what they gave us to work with! :) Thanks for reading, as always! LOVE.