Thank you all so much for your opinions about "The Break Up"! I find that I can kind of agree with either POV in terms of Blaine's cheating being in or out of character... I feel like it was very out of character, but then I can see where it kinda wasn't. (Wow, self, make up your mind. I know.) And I think the fandom is pretty unanimous in thinking that the writers underutilized Kurt in a major way this season, yes? From this point forward, we get very little of Kurt's perspective on his relationship with Blaine. Or, really, on much of anything. It's a mystery why they wrote this season that way... maybe Chris asked not to work as much? Maybe the writers struggled to figure out how to write the New York characters? I think, generally, there's just enough from Kurt for us to read between the lines in terms of how he feels about Blaine, but it certainly would've been nice to actually explore Kurt's situation more (and not just in terms of his relationship with Blaine)!
Speaking of neglecting Kurt...he's not in this episode at all. And we're picking things up more than a month after "The Break Up".
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
The more Rachel settled into her life as a NYADA student, the more she was sure that Kurt was going to get in on his second try.
"I mean, you're just as good – better! – than everyone in my classes," she gushed one afternoon when Kurt stopped by NYADA to see her before a dinner meeting with Isabelle and the entire Vogue dot com creative team. She was trying to perfect a dance routine she had been struggling with in class, so Kurt had agreed to come by and offer moral support and encouragement. And, if needed, a critical eye or a dance partner.
"Not that you're biased," Kurt quipped as Rachel twirled around the room, pretending to warm up but really just goofing off. "Thanks, though."
"Have you been doing your vocal exercises?" Rachel asked.
"Yes."
"And drinking plenty of water?"
"Yes, Rachel," Kurt shook his head. "I'm as ready as I can be. Applications are due soon, but I went ahead and submitted mine early. There's no advantage to applying early," he answered Rachel's question before she could ask it, "but it feels good to have it done."
"Are you going to quit your internship?" Rachel asked.
"What?" Kurt frowned at her. "Of course not."
"I mean when you get into NYADA," Rachel clarified.
"Oh," Kurt realized. "Um, I hope not. It's really... NYADA is my dream, and I know Isabelle would support my decision if I wanted to quit before the start of the spring semester, but– what?"
"Isabelle," Rachel raised an eyebrow.
"Shut up," Kurt mumbled.
"I can't believe you work with Isabelle Wright," Rachel said for what Kurt thought was probably the hundredth time. He couldn't believe it sometimes, either, so he never scolded her for being so star struck about it.
"You know," Kurt said, "it's actually nice for, well, all kinds of reasons, but... she's a real person. She was a girl from Ohio once. And she got out of Ohio and made a big name for herself and it's just... maybe I can, too."
"Kurt," Rachel smiled and motioned at their surroundings with both hands, "look where we are. We made it out of Ohio."
Kurt wandered over to the window and looked out at the city. "I know," he agreed. "But... do you ever feel like you're still that same person from Ohio just, kinda, pretending?"
Kurt felt that way. Sometimes, especially when he was having a great day at work, he would forget it. He would feel like he was exactly where he belonged. But, most of the time, when he looked around at all the skyscrapers and all the people, he felt like everyone could tell that he wasn't a "real" New Yorker. Or a "real" anything, really. Kurt still felt like the small town boy trying to figure out what it meant to live in New York City.
Maybe, he thought briefly, it was because he had left part of himself behind in Ohio. He had never considered himself someone who identified as half of a pair. But now, since his relationship with Blaine had shattered so suddenly, he was having a hard time figuring out who Kurt was by himself. Without the strength of knowing that, no matter what, there was someone who would always believe in him. Life felt emptier without Blaine.
BLAINE
A little more than a month after his breakup with Kurt, Blaine still felt like it had happened the day before. Since he had returned from New York, his life had become a series of situations he had to get through so he could lie in bed all weekend.
On Monday morning, Blaine arrived at school and saw Sam standing at the bulletin board near the choir room.
Sam had become the one thing that Blaine looked forward to at school. Sam was funny and kind, and he had never pushed for details about Blaine and Kurt's breakup or what caused it. It was nice to be around Sam. It felt normal.
Blaine wandered over to say hello.
"Hey, man," Sam said as Blaine approached.
"Hey," Blaine echoed, leaning back against the bulletin board as Sam flipped through the sign-up sheet for Grease.
"As President and Vice President, we can pretty much decree whichever parts we want, right?" Sam asked.
"I'm not sure I'm gonna do the musical this year," Blaine admitted. "I'm not in the right headspace to do a project like Grease. Since Kurt and I broke up, I haven't slept, I've lost my appetite, and I don't even gel on weekends."
"Okay, so this is pretty serious, then," Sam surmised.
"Sam, Kurt was my soul mate," Blaine explained. "We talked about spending the rest of our lives together. About retiring in Provincetown and buying a lighthouse and starting an artists' colony. And now he won't even return my calls. He won't text me. And that Gilmore Girls box set I sent him was returned to me unopened. He's gone. Maybe... forever."
"Dude, I get it... except for the lighthouse part," Sam responded. "But look, everybody's been there. You'll get through it!"
Sam clasped Blaine on the shoulder as he walked past, and Blaine wished that someone would really understand. Everyone seemed to think that this was just a silly teenage breakup. That it would be barely a blip on Blaine's radar in a few months.
Things were so much more complex than that.
It wasn't just the pain of breaking up with Kurt that kept Blaine up at night. It was also the constant gnawing of guilt. They hadn't separated over an anger-fueled shouting match. They hadn't broken up because they grew apart or because their interests didn't align or because they wanted to try dating other people.
Neither one of them had wanted to break up. But Blaine's actions had forced Kurt's hand, so Blaine was struggling to come to terms with the fact that he was no longer Kurt's boyfriend and the idea that he had caused Kurt such intense pain that Kurt didn't even want to speak to him. They hadn't spoken about it since the night Blaine confessed. They hadn't spoken about anything since that night. Kurt had asked Blaine to stop contacting him, and Blaine hadn't known what else to do but comply with Kurt's request.
Kurt wouldn't talk to him, so things weren't getting better, and Blaine was left in a place where his love for Kurt and his hatred for himself had joined forces to drain his enthusiasm for life. He was stuck.
Blaine walked around the school – out to the football stadium and back to the school's main building – as he tried to decide if he wanted to audition for Grease. He knew that he should. If he wanted to get into NYADA or any performing arts college, he couldn't look like he had bailed during the school musical. Especially after he played one of the lead roles in West Side Story the year before.
Plus, he liked performing. Maybe it would be therapeutic.
He needed to audition.
He hadn't put his name on the signup sheet, but he knew that Artie would let him try out. He wandered to the auditorium, where auditions were being held that afternoon, and waited for an opening.
"Um, hi," he said, wandering out onto the stage as Sam – whose name had been last on the list since he had added it that morning – walked offstage. Sam high fived him as they passed. "I'm so sorry my name isn't on the list... may I?"
"Oh, thank god," Artie said immediately. "Or, uh... absolutely, Blaine. Thank you for auditioning. Say hi to Finn," he motioned at Finn, who was sitting beside him, "You know him... he's co-directing with me this year."
Blaine and Finn exchanged waves. Blaine hadn't seen Finn since soon after they returned from New York – he had heard that Finn had been working at Burt's tire shop, but had been too nervous to go say hello – and he was pleased that Finn seemed happy to see him. Things weren't awkward between them, at least.
"So," Finn said after a nudge from Artie, "uh, go for it, man."
"This is Hopelessly Devoted To You," Blaine announced as he stepped up to the microphone to sing the song. He knew that the band was probably ready with all the songs from Grease, so he chose the song from the show that he felt best conveyed his current state of mind. One that he could sing with emotion.
"Guess mine is not the first heart broken. My eyes are not the first to cry. I'm not the first to know there's just no getting over you."
Blaine didn't know what he should do in terms of his relationship with Kurt. Part of him read the signs Kurt was giving – the complete lack of communication – and thought that he should just let go. Admit to himself that he had irrevocably broken what he and Kurt had together and try to move on. But a larger part of him pushed back that Kurt was the one. You don't let go of the one.
"But now there's nowhere to hide since you pushed my love aside. I'm out of my head. Hopelessly devoted to you."
For now, he had to hang in there and prove to himself, and to Kurt, that he had learned his lesson. That his infidelity was a momentary lapse in judgment rather than the start of a pattern. He would wait for Kurt. And, maybe, at some point in the coming weeks, Kurt would be ready to talk.
"Hopelessly devoted to you..."
As he sang out the last note of the song, Artie and Finn applauded.
"Say something," Artie urged Finn.
"Like what?" Finn questioned.
"I think I speak for both of us when I say that, though you auditioned with a Sandy song, you are the Danny Zuko of our dreams," Artie turned his attention back to Blaine.
"Yeah, yeah! Totally," Finn agreed. "You were awesome."
"Amazing," Artie added.
Instead of internalizing what Artie and Finn were saying, Blaine was suddenly overcome with memories of West Side Story. Of fighting with Kurt in the parking lot of Scandals and making up with Kurt on the auditorium stage. Right where he was standing. Back when Kurt trusted him so much that he had wanted to go to Blaine's house for their first time.
"I can't," Blaine blurted. "I'm– I'm sorry, I just can't. Finn, I didn't want to let you down, but... Grease is a romance. And how can I play any of the scenes if I have ruined mine? I don't think I would be able to play the truth of Danny Zuko. Thank you for letting me audition, but I– I just can't."
"Wait," Artie stopped him as he turned to rush off the stage. "Is there any part you think you could play?"
"I don't think so," Blaine admitted. But the rational part of his brain screamed at him to choose something. He couldn't be the lead in the musical one year and then not be in it at all the following year. His senior year. He couldn't have a complete meltdown. "Maybe... maybe Teen Angel? It's only one scene, but... probably not."
He didn't care about college. Or his future. Or anything. He didn't know why he had auditioned at all. He walked off the stage and straight to his car to drive home.
KURT
That evening at dinner, Kurt kept seeing things that reminded him of Blaine. One of his co-workers was wearing a bow tie that Kurt knew Blaine also owned. Their waiter somehow found out that Kurt was from Ohio and asked him if he was an Ohio State football fan. The person sitting next to him ordered Blaine's favorite salad.
And, just when Kurt was starting to wonder if the universe wanted him to suffer, someone at the other end of the table started a conversation about "that hot guy from the credit rating commercials".
Kurt rolled his eyes as hard as he could. He didn't realize Isabelle was watching him.
"Kurt, you okay?" she asked.
"What?" he jumped. "Oh, uh."
"You don't think that guy's cute?" Someone a few seats down asked, noticing Kurt's negative body language.
"No," Kurt lied. It came out sounding just as bitter as he felt.
"Mmmm," the woman hummed disapprovingly and turned her attention back to the others who were still enthusing about Cooper.
Kurt was glad that the lighting was dim as he blushed, embarrassed. He was letting his sadness and anger about his situation with Blaine creep into every aspect of his life. He needed to decide what the future held – or didn't hold – for him and Blaine so he could get out of this pattern of negative emotions.
BLAINE
The next morning, Blaine dreaded going to school even more than usual. After an unusually restful night of sleep, he was embarrassed about his dramatic exit after his audition the day before. He still didn't want to play Danny Zuko, but he wasn't sure what had possessed him to confess his heartbreak so suddenly.
He managed to avoid everyone – including Sam – until lunch. He had skipped lunch in favor of eating alone in his car one time after he returned from New York, and his friends had been so upset and worried that he knew he couldn't do it again. They didn't understand the extent to which he was devastated by the status of his relationship with Kurt, but they could tell that he was unhappy.
"Hey!" Marley said brightly as Blaine arrived at their normal lunch table.
Blaine smiled as he sat down beside her.
"Did you audition for Grease yesterday?" Marley asked excitedly.
"Just for a small role," Blaine acknowledged.
"Oh," his response surprised Marley. "Oh, um, okay."
"I'm... busy and... distracted," Blaine explained lamely.
"You'll be great in any role, I think!" Marley reassured him with an encouraging smile, and a tiny part of Blaine wished that he had agreed to play Danny Zuko just so he could dance and sing with her as Sandy. Maybe he could've absorbed some of her happiness.
"I agree," a new voice said from directly behind Blaine, and Blaine twisted around in his seat to see Mercedes standing behind him.
"Mercedes!" he gasped, jumping out of his seat to wrap her in a hug.
"Hey, Blaine," she said, and Blaine's delight was magnified as he glanced over her shoulder and saw Mike.
"Oh my god," Blaine said, feeling happier than he had for what felt like forever. "Hey, man!"
He hugged Mike, and someone found chairs for the new arrivals so they could all sit at the same table.
"It's so good to see you," Blaine said to Mike as they sat down. Mike was a friend. It felt wonderful to have a friend around. Mike and Blaine stayed in touch mostly over Facebook and via text since Mike had gone to Chicago for college, but sitting beside Mike made it feel as if they had seen each other just the week before.
"You, too," Mike agreed. "I heard about you and Kurt. Sorry, man."
Blaine nodded and tried not to internalize the thought that Mike had probably found out when Kurt had changed his relationship status on Facebook to "single". Blaine hadn't exactly gone around telling everyone that he and Kurt had broken up. He didn't want it to be true.
The rest of the week was full of things to help keep Blaine's mind off of missing Kurt and giving up the lead in the musical. He spent time with Mike. He encouraged the others who were all auditioning for Grease. He had a meeting with Principal Figgins and Sam about a wide and, Blaine though, particularly random group of topics regarding the school and Blaine's and Sam's roles as the heads of the student council. He did all his homework and worked on a superhero costume he was making for a new club he wanted to start. And Blaine's mom was on a "family dinners every night" streak, so he was spending more time than usual with his parents. Which, he admitted to himself, was actually really nice. He wondered if they could tell how devastated he was about Kurt and were trying to make sure he was okay.
On Thursday afternoon, Blaine had to miss glee rehearsal – which was actually just a callback for the Marley, Kitty, Jake, and Ryder to determine who would play Sandy and Danny – for a dentist appointment. When he got home, he felt exceptionally tired and lonely.
He wanted to talk to Kurt. Maybe even a fight – a screaming match – would be better than the state of nothingness that Blaine felt like they had been in since he returned from New York. They were broken up, but Blaine still wanted to explain. To tell Kurt how intensely sorry he was and how much he loved him, even if Kurt never wanted to love him back again. The way things stood, there was no resolution. There was just guilt and sorrow and an overall sense of apathy for life that Blaine had never experienced before.
Since he couldn't talk to Kurt, he called his brother. Cooper liked to talk. Maybe it would help to just talk to someone.
"Blainey!" Cooper answered. He was somewhere loud. "How's it going, little brother?"
"Okay," Blaine dodged. "Where are you?"
"On set for a new commercial," Cooper explained. "Thanks for calling, by the way. This way I can pretend I'm having a serious business meeting on the phone during the break. Makes me look extra desirable."
Blaine had to smile. "Glad I can help," he replied.
"You're still sad about Kurt, huh?" Cooper asked.
"I didn't say that," Blaine said, surprised at his brother's insight.
"Look, Blaine," Cooper explained, "if there's one thing you have to be good at to be an actor, it's voices. Yours is sad."
"I miss him," Blaine admitted.
"Think of it this way," Cooper said. "This is an emotion you've never felt before. You're deepening the well of emotional knowledge that you can draw from as an actor. You're a shoe-in for– yes, I'll have to think about it. We could possibly rearrange my calendar, but it'll be tight."
"Coop?" Blaine wondered.
"Sorry," Cooper said after a short silence. "The director walked by."
Blaine hadn't really laughed – the kind of laughing that makes your stomach hurt if it goes on for long enough – for weeks, but once he started he couldn't stop. He laughed through Cooper's goodbye and after he ended the call and as he fell over backward onto his bed and wondered if he might be losing his mind.
BLAINE
On Friday afternoon, the cast list for Grease went up. Blaine waited with the rest of New Directions near the bulletin board for Finn to arrive with the sheet of paper that would determine who would play which part in the musical.
"Here they come!" Sugar shrieked in the middle of a conversation about possible color schemes for their Sectionals outfits.
Blaine and the others moved back to let Finn walk up and pin a single sheet of paper on the bulletin board, then took turns checking to see where their names were on the list.
Blaine knew his role before he stepped up to the sheet of paper for confirmation. Teen Angel. He turned and gave Finn and Artie a face that he hoped expressed his gratitude that they hadn't written him off after his mini meltdown at his audition. They had given him the role he wanted instead of forcing him to take the role they thought he should play.
"Patty Simcox?" Kitty whined as she read the list. "Patty Simcox? Who the hell is Patty Simcox? I don't understand; I prayed really hard about this."
"Maybe God didn't hear you because he was busy helping people with cancer," Joe piped up from behind Blaine.
"Shut it, Avatar," Kitty snapped.
Blaine didn't know Kitty very well yet, but he was unimpressed by her attitude.
"This is all your fault," Kitty turned her fury on Jake. "You screwed up Hand Jive."
"No, I didn't," Jake argued. "We were both great. It just didn't work out."
"I've been hearing that a lot lately from you," Kitty retorted. She shoved past Marley as if she was planning to storm off, but, instead, she turned back around to face the other girl.
"Oh, one little thing Honey Boo Boo," Kitty said. "I know a good, hot meal is hard to resist, especially when you're on the free lunch program, but remember: the stage always adds at least ten pounds. In your case closer to ninety. So, when you and your mom, Strawberry Hugecake, are dumpster diving for your costume, keep on picking until you find something slimming. Like a black Hefty bag."
Blaine was acutely aware that he should say something. Defend Marley or scold Kitty or maybe both. But his brain couldn't find the energy. And, before Blaine could worry about what his lack of caring meant in terms of his overall mental health, Sue arrived. She walked straight to the cast list and studied it before turning on Finn.
"You," she snapped. "In my office. Right now."
"No," Finn challenged. "You don't get to decide how this goes."
Blaine, along with the rest of New Directions, looked around to see if anyone knew what they were arguing about.
"Oh, Mr. Army Dropout, I think I do," Sue said calmly. She stepped closer to Finn and lowered her voice. "This isn't over."
She marched away and Finn rolled his eyes.
"What was that about?" Blaine asked.
"She's unhappy that I'm playing Rizzo," Unique explained nervously.
"Which doesn't matter," Finn added sternly. "Because she's not directing this show."
KURT
Burt called on Saturday to check on Kurt. They talked about casual things at first. Burt explained Carole had decided to change the wall color in the kitchen. Kurt told his father all about his adventures at Vogue dot com that week. Burt asked Kurt for his opinion on whether or not his tie color really mattered at work in Congress.
Eventually, though, the conversation turned to Kurt and his emotional state.
"Yes, Dad, I'm fine," Kurt told him as he did the dishes in the kitchen sink. Rachel had gone for an early morning dance rehearsal at NYADA, so he was home alone. "I'm more and more 'fine' every day. Please don't worry."
"Kurt, how many times do I have to tell you... it's my job to worry," Burt said. "But you sound a little better, so I'm gonna choose to believe you."
Burt sounded distracted.
"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked.
"Finn wants to talk to you," Burt told him.
"Finn?" Kurt repeated.
"Yeah."
"Uh," Kurt didn't know if Burt was asking him if he wanted to talk to Finn or just telling him that Finn wanted to talk to him, "okay?"
"Hey, bro," Finn said a few seconds later.
"Hi," Kurt smiled. It was good to hear Finn's voice. "I hear you've added 'director' to your resume."
"Yeah," Finn said proudly. "And that's not all... I'm taking over the glee club from Mr. Schu for three weeks starting next week!"
"What?" Kurt gasped. "Finn, that's great! Is... is that why you wanted to talk?"
"Oh," Finn remembered. "Uh, no."
"I'm not going to tell you stuff about Rachel either," Kurt clarified quickly. "I know you're my brother and you love her and I promise I'll tell you if she's ever in any danger or something, but –"
"That's not it, either," Finn interrupted.
An awkward silence hung between them before Finn spoke again.
"Blaine's really down, Kurt," he said quickly. "I mean, I know what happened, but –"
"You're seriously calling me to tell me–?" Kurt snapped. "Honestly? He should be sad. He cheated, Finn!"
"I know!" Finn replied, trying to calm Kurt down. "I'm sorry. It's just... he didn't even want the lead in the musical."
Kurt hated how much it bothered him to learn that Blaine was so distraught. Before their breakup, Blaine had been so excited about being one of the seniors. Taking on leadership roles in the school so things would be as inclusive as possible.
"Oh, please," Kurt whined, making sure he leaned forward so Blaine could see his face clearly on his laptop screen. "Don't even play the victim..."
"It's true!" Blaine protested. "I love Rachel and Finn and all of last year's seniors – you especially – but don't you think New Directions is best when everyone gets a chance to share their voice?"
"This coming from the guy who got every solo in the Warblers," Kurt reminded him, twisting his laptop around as he climbed off the bed to fold his clothes while they chatted.
"The Warblers are different, Kurt!" Blaine argued. "Their strength is blending their voices to create music for a soloist. New Directions has music from the band, so there's more opportunity for everyone to stand out."
"So you're saying you don't want any solos," Kurt narrowed his eyes.
Blaine laughed. "That's not what I'm saying, and you know it."
"When you criticize last year's New Directions, I feel like my high school legacy is being tarnished," Kurt teased.
Blaine groaned, but before he could respond, Kurt continued.
"You know I'm kidding," he turned from his clothing rack to make an overly innocent face at the webcam. "I know what you mean."
"Thank you," Blaine acknowledged. "So, I'm definitely planning to try more numbers with everyone involved. And more duets, too. I want New Directions to feel like a place where everyone is really celebrated. I want people to feel welcome..."
He had been so enthusiastic about his ideas for New Directions and, once he decided to run for student body president, the whole school. And now Blaine didn't even want to play Danny Zuko – a role Kurt knew Blaine would love to play – in his senior year musical.
Kurt's heart ached for Blaine, but it also burned with anger. He couldn't separate the sweet, enthusiastic Blaine he loved from the Blaine who had broken his trust so overwhelmingly.
"Not my problem," Kurt said icily.
"Fine! Whatever," Finn huffed.
"I..." Kurt rolled his eyes, annoyed with Finn and with himself and with the universe. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? But I don't want to talk about him. And forgive me if I'm not falling all over myself with worry after what he did."
"I guess I just thought you might want to know that he's sad, too," Finn said as if he was just realizing why he had wanted to tell Kurt.
"Okay," Kurt said, fighting a sudden urge to cry.
"Well, uh," Finn said, "do you want to talk to Burt again now?"
"No, thanks," Kurt said. "I'll call him later. It's... good to talk to you, Finn."
"You too," Finn agreed. "Bye."
Kurt hung up and finished rinsing and drying the dishes as quickly as he could so he could escape to the emotional safety of his section of the apartment.
He sat on his bed and opened his laptop, hoping to find something to distract himself, but only found an immediate reminder of Blaine. Mercedes was in Ohio and she had posted a string of photos on Facebook. Including, right at the top of Kurt's feed, a photo of Mercedes, Mike, Artie, Tina, and Blaine huddled together in the hallway, smiling for the camera.
Blaine looked the same.
It wasn't a surprise; Kurt had seen Blaine just over a month ago. But it hurt to see that Blaine looked the same. Kurt wanted him to look like an evil monster so he could just hate him and move on with his life. Instead, Blaine looked tired and, with the knowledge that Finn had just given him about Blaine's mental state, Kurt could see that he wasn't smiling as broadly as he could. But, otherwise, he looked exactly like the Blaine who Kurt still loved so much.
Kurt closed his laptop and climbed off the bed to pace around the apartment. He wished he could just stop missing Blaine.
When I look at you, what I always see
Is the face of someone else who once belonged to me
Still I can hear him laugh
And, even though that melody plays on, he's gone
When I look at you, he is standing there
I can almost breathe him in like summer in the air
Why do you smile his smile?
That heaven I'd forgotten eases through, in you
Things could never be the same between them again, Kurt thought. Not even if it was what they both wanted. Because Blaine's cheating had changed them both, and the new Kurt and the new Blaine weren't compatible.
Kurt thought about the beginning of their relationship. When they were at Dalton, stealing kisses and blushing through sweet words to each other and falling in love.
If you could look at me once more
With all the love you felt before
If you and I could disappear into the past
And find that love we knew
I'd never take my eyes away from you
And now they were doing the school musical at McKinley. It would've been a symbolic milestone for him and Blaine; their first time had been during the run of the school musical the year before.
When I look at you, he is touching me
I would reach for him, but who can hold a memory?
And love isn't everything
That moonlight on the bed will melt away, someday
Blaine had always been someone to look up to. Someone to help Kurt when he felt like there was no way forward. When Karofsky had tormented him. When high school had humiliated him. When NYADA had rejected him. But who was Blaine now? Someone else. Someone who cheated. Through his heartache, Kurt wondered if he had really known Blaine at all.
Oh, you were once that someone who I followed like a star
Then suddenly you changed and now I don't know who you are
Or could it be that I never really knew you from the start?
Did I create a dream?
Was he a fantasy?
Kurt felt like a fool for believing that he and Blaine were going to live a real life "happily ever after". But the thought of letting go of their future together still hurt too much to process.
He missed Blaine.
Even a memory is paradise for all the fools like me
Now, remembering is all that I can do
Because I miss him so, when I look at you
(The song is called "When I Look At You" from the musical "The Scarlet Pimpernel". You can't put a link in a story on FFN, so just search for it on YouTube! :) One of my favorite musicals.)
This is mostly a filler episode for Kurt and Blaine. The only thing that happens to either Kurt or Blaine in this episode is that Blaine auditions for and gets his part in Grease. He's not even in most of the group scenes. And Kurt's not in the episode at all. So, I tried to give us as much of Kurt as we got of Blaine... a song expressing that he's also still really, really sad about the breakup.
Next up... 4x06: Glease.