A/N: I know it's been a weird, crazy and sometimes confusing rollercoaster but I thank you all for sticking with me through it all. There will be answers to some of the questions I have been receiving in the upcoming chapter.

Also someone had asked if Dark Swan was still in this story and all I can say is YES!

I hope you all enjoy, and as always your reviews mean the world to me

** Italics are memories**

Chapter 27

I don't know how long I yell before I see that the lights in the room are flickering, and the windows are rattling.

All I feel is rage; all I want to do is hurt someone, anyone who dares to come near me. I want to crush someone's heart the way mine has been crushed time and time again.

How does this keep happening to me? How does this keep happening to her? To us?

"Emma!" I yell again as I remember touching her lifeless body. I cannot take it, this cannot be real.

I lie back down and close my eyes, as I feel my body shaking with a fury that I haven't felt in a long time, but the memories keep on flooding in.

…

I'm standing with a broken Henry as they are lowering her casket.

Snow beside us sobbing on her knees with Charming, and as I hear the thud of the casket hit the bottom of the grave my knees also buckle and I fall to the ground.

No longer able to be strong for Henry, or to hide my misery from the townspeople who are all gathering around us, I let out a loud wail, crumbling into the ground.

We remain there after the others have left, after our bodies have no more tears left, after the sun is even starting to set, we remain there by what remains of her.

I feel strong hands from behind, rubbing circles on my back, and pulling Henry to them.

I don't need to look back to know who it is because she has been there since I woke up in the hospital.

But I cannot think about anyone else right now, I cannot even think of Henry.

All I feel is emptiness;, all I want to do is die.

…

"Mom!" I hear him yelling, but I cannot be pulled from the memories that keep on coming.

I feel them shake my body, trying to bring me back, but I am lost to them right now, I couldn't pull myself from this hell even if I wanted to.

…

I am in my bathroom staring blankly at her toothbrush that sits next to mine.

Then I look at my reflection and I see my ghastly figure but I do not care.

I leave the room and go back to bed.

Henry is already there, on Emma's side, sleeping.

He hasn't slept alone since we left the hospital because he is afraid that he will lose me too if he cannot physically see me.

I swallow back the bile rising again as I see one of her socks poking out from under the bed; she had always discarded her clothes in the same manner every night. Just tossing them around before she jumped into our bed, sniggled up to me and although I feigned anger, I loved it.

I just get back into bed, look at the food that has been left untouched on the nightstand and snuggle up behind Henry and try to sleep.

…

I am trying to open the bathroom door in the middle of the night but it is locked.

I know Henry is in there because he's not in bed.

"Henry, honey, are you alright?" I ask knocking again.

I hear nothing but silence so I go back to the bed and wait for him, but after a few moments I hear a small yelp and then a thud.

I run back to the door, pounding on it this time.

"Henry… open this door!" I say louder, checking the lock again and not hesitating to open it with a loud bang as I use my magic.

I see him then, on the floor covered in blood.

…

I feel a burst of water; I feel like I'm drowning as I swallow water and push myself up gasping for air.

As I look around me I see that I am in my bathtub.

I lean out of the tub coughing and gasping and feel a towel put around my shoulder and someone hitting my back gently as I begin to step out of the tub and turn to see Henry staring at me as Ruby starts to dry my body.

I look down immediately and sigh that I am still clothed, but it is clinging to me very uncomfortably.

I cough some more, unable to speak as my throat feels very rough, so I turn to Red, and that's when I notice the large oversized terrycloth robe draped over her arm.

I look back to Henry, shivering now, as to ask him to leave.

Wordlessly Henry excuses himself from the bathroom, "I'll be right outside okay?" he says to no one in particular as he closes the door.

I am still confused as to why I was just submerged I icy cold water, but this is all just too overwhelming at this point. I still cannot get the image of Henry lying bloody on the floor, so I push it down. He's okay now; my boy for the most part is okay for now.

I look down at the water on the floor and realize that they must have carried me in here and submerged me rather quickly as the floor is drenched.

As though she can read my mind, Ruby grabs another towel from my counter and puts it on the floor below my feet, and I grab her shoulder as I stand on one foot at a time until it is completely underneath me.

I keep my hands on her shoulders because I don't think I would be able to completely stand on my own right now.

I feel myself warm slightly with the now dry surface below me and exhale, closing my eyes for a moment.

I realize that she has stopped drying me so I open my eyes to catch her staring at me closely.

She brings her hand to my cheek and I flinch at the initial contact and see her pretend not to notice.

She moves her hand away quickly swallowing and brings the towel to my face, gently wiping whatever water drops remain.

I feel numb, and although I don't want to let her see me this way I don't try to fight her when she slowly removes my wet clothes.

She keeps her eyes on my face for the most part, and I am surprised at how comfortable I feel with her like this despite it being such bad timing, I cannot help but recognize how good she is to me.

I also cannot forget how good she was to both Emma and I from what I gathered from the memories. She stuck by us when the whole town was against us, even taking our side over her closest friend Snow.

She takes her time wiping me down, and then brings the robe around my body, tying it in the front and then pulls away from me.

It's as though we are able to communicate completely nonverbally as she first looks to me to make sure I can stand on my own before she pulls back and quickly wipes down the floor around me and releases the water in the tub.

I see how comfortable she is in here and realize that she must have done this before, must feel at home here.

But I do not feel at home here.

How could I continue walking into this bathroom day after day with the image of my son lying in a pool of his own blood?

How could I ever let another woman touch me after… after Emma?

It brings a yelp out of me at the thought, which startles both Ruby and I.

She comes back to me quickly, and Henry instantly opens the door and comes towards me.

"Mom, I know you are going through something right now, but please just come downstairs with us, you need to eat something and we need to talk." He says to me pleadingly, and I can see the strain I am putting on him so I just nod as they lead me down the stairs and into the kitchen.

…

We all ate in silence, and I just couldn't get my mind around what exactly is happening.

The silence was thick and none of us made any eye contact as we finished off everything and Ruby gathered the dishes while Henry took our cups to the sink and then came back and sat down.

More minutes passed with us just sitting there before I finally spoke up.

"Why… what would possess you both to throw me into a freezing cold bathtub?" I ask, my hand shaking with the anger I felt inside, as I tried my best not to direct it at them.

"I.. " I continue before they even have a chance to speak.

"I am trying to remain calm, but I need some answers and you both need to be honest with me. This is not a time to beat around the bush…. I need to understand what the hell is going on here." I bark out the last part still trying to keep some sort of control over my emotions that are clearly all over the place.

"Mom, we heard you scream so we ran upstairs and when we tried to talk to you … you wouldn't listen to us. I don't even think you knew we were there. You just kept on saying…" He stops then and looks down.

"What Henry? Please just tell me." I tell him, and reach out for his hand, for some sort of lifeline before I lose it again.

"You were saying her name okay? You haven't said her name in years mom, you could never say it, and now you were yelling it." he says, yelling back at me and I don't understand his anger.

"You told me that it would be better to never utter her name again, because it hurt too much. But you were screaming it, so we tried to help you. Ruby grabbed you to try and stop you from thrashing around and you threw her into the wall. You were out of control mom, your magic was out of control and we were scared for you." He says out of breath, and Ruby rubs his shoulder comfortingly and he leans into the touch.

That makes me recoil from him, dropping his hand completely.

Can I not even console my own son properly anymore?

I felt pathetic, but I needed them to continue.

"Ruby?" I ask her knowing that I would just upset Henry more if I asked more of him.

"Gina, you were thrashing, and Henry put a steadying hand on your face and you were burning up so we called Mother Superior and she told us, reluctantly, that your magic is controlled by your emotions, and the only way to calm you down would be to counteract your body overheating." She said, her eyes not wavering from mine.

"It was the only thing we could think of. Honest, we were desperate and just wanted to help you." She finished with an unsure look, almost scared of my reaction.

I remain silent for a while as I take them both in.

I understand that they were just trying to help me, really I do, but I still cannot control the anger inside.

I look down at my hands again, still shaking and try to calm myself; taking a deep breath in and out.

"I… thank you… both. I am not angry with you, and it seemed to work for the time being so… just thank you for doing what you had to do." I tell them, trying to control my emotions.

"You don't have to thank us mom, just help us understand what is happening to you." He says, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Oh honey, if I tell you I need you both to try your best and hear me out okay? It is going to sound insane, but I cannot lie to you anymore, I cannot keep this inside any longer." I tell them.

They just both nod, and scoot closer to me.

I need to tell them because I will not live like this. I refuse to.

There has to be a way to fix all of this, because I need Emma, I need my family to be whole in a way that I never understood until I had it ripped away.

I refuse to live my life as I did before she came into it, to just think that this is as good as it will ever get, and I am going to need their help to get it back.

I could never go back now that I know what love really is.

…

We moved to the living room and all sat together as I finally told them everything.

I told them about how our lives were before, and I told them about Zelena and Robin. I told them about how Emma and I had fought, and I told them about her becoming the Dark One.

That was a hard one for Henry to handle, especially because of how much he idolized Emma, and also because to him she was the absolute epitome of everything good.

I had felt guilty because she had done it for me, which I told them, and I thought he would be upset with me, but he just came and brought me into a hug and told me that he didn't blame me; that he knew how stubborn both of his mothers were. That actually brought a bitter chuckle out of me because he was so right. It was why we had always fought.

As the hours pass Ruby occasionally would get up to reheat some food, or make another pot of coffee.

But for the most part we sat there and as I told them, I can see their emotions matched in my own as I recount Emma and I confessing our love for one another; how I never knew where I was going to wake up.

Henry had a lot of questions about Dark Emma, but I never told him about how she attacked me; never wanting him to see her in that way.

Ruby also cried a lot, and I do not know if it was because she finally understood that I would never love her the way she loved me, or if it was because I couldn't remember my time with her.

Lastly I told them about how I woke up here today, and as I said it, they began to understand fully just how utterly messed up things are. Ruby understood why I had reacted to her that way, and Henry too looked a little relieved that it was because I was going crazy, although I have to admit that I myself think I may be going out of my mind after sharing all of the events with them.

After all of that we just sit in silence.

We sit for atleast 30 minutes, no one really knowing exactly what to say to one another.

I felt naked sitting there with them, everything laid out bare for them to take apart.

Never had I been so utterly open about my feelings and how I was being affected by everything.

Henry was the first one to break the silence as he moved from the couch across me to beside me.

"Mom can you remember what happened right before you went to the other reality the first time?" he asks me.

I think back to the first time, and it had happened right after Emma had become the Dark One.

"Yes, it was right after your mother had become the Dark One… I remember thinking about how I was going to tell you what had happened, and then I must have blacked out because the next thing I knew I was back in my office, in the past. Why?" I ask him, but even as I am speaking I can see the gears turning in his mind.

"Well you said you passed out right? Maybe that's it, maybe that's why you were having those dreams." He says, getting up and pacing.

"Yes dear, but I had them when I was sleeping regularly too." I tell him, not exactly sure where he was going with this.

"No, Henry's right Regina. You said that you were trapped in that other world when you were in a coma here, as Blue tried to get that darkness still swirling in you… so maybe that's it." she says, smiling proudly at herself.

"What? You suggest I try a sleeping curse of some kind?" I ask them.

"No Mom, but you also said you would get really bad headaches, or pass out from exhaustion. So maybe you need to be in a deep sleep in order to go back." He says, so proud of himself, and actually showing more hope than he had since I woke up in this nightmare.

"Yes, both of you are right, but…. What would that accomplish? It seems as though this is all a result of Emma and I breaking the curse. I don't know what I could possibly change now." I tell them, feeling exhausted again from all of this strain on my system.

I just felt emotional drained and didn't know how much more I could take.

Henry excuses himself to the restroom, and I just remain seated.

This time it's Ruby who comes up to me, who takes my face in her hands, and as I look up I see tears in her eyes.

"Regina, I love you, you know that. But this… who we are now. It's not right, it's not who any of us were meant to be. And after hearing all that you've been through I just feel that we need to at least try. If not for you, then do it for Henry." She says so sincerely.

I pull back, taking her hands in mine, "But you know that it means that you and I would never be together. You understand that right?" I ask her in a hushed tone, not understanding how she could be so selfless.

"I have always only wanted what was best for you. I think I've always loved you, but I also know that you and Emma were happy together, and I would never interfere with that." She says to me and I just blink back the tears as I pull her into a hug.

"Thank you… for more than you could ever know Ruby, I mean it. I don't know what I would have done…" I tell her as Henry comes back in the room.

We both pull back and I can see her wiping tears from her eyes as she stands and walks over to Henry.

He pulls her into a hug, and then comes and sits next to me.

"I think it's time to bring back Operation Mongoose." He says to me smirking as I take a deep breath and smile at him.

For the first time in a long time I have hope.

A/N: Although this chapter contains some Red Queen, this is still a Swan Queen story.