I updated a little faster because of the cliffhanger...enjoy.

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Chapter 54

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How did he fall?

I pushed him.

Lady Catelyn gasped, surprised at his admission. No doubt she thought he would lie to her. But Jaime was tired of lies. Lies were what had destroyed House Lannister. Lies about Tyrion's marraige. Lies about Jaime's relationship with Cersei. Lies about the paternity of her children. This was the last lie – the last secret – that Jaime had, and for some reason, he wanted to get rid of it.

"Why? Why would you push him? He was just a child."

"He saw something he should not have seen. I had but a moment to make a choice and…I chose those I cared about over a child that meant nothing to me."

"He saw you with the Queen, didn't he?"

He could hear the disgust in her voice and saw the tears forming in her eyes as he nodded. "I do…I regret harming him. Though I'm not certain what I could have done differently. If he had told anyone…"

Jaime did wish he could take back what he'd done to Sansa's brother – even more now that he cared for Sansa as he did. Yet, he also knew that if he had not acted, the child easily could have been the death of he, Cersei and the children. He had always been a man of impulse, but even now, having had years to think of other ways to be certain of the boy's silence…he could not think of one.

"Does Sansa know?"

"She knows about my relationship with Cersei, if that's what you're asking."

"No," she said in a hard voice. He could see both sadness and anger in her gaze. He imagined she might indulge her desire to strike him were he not holding Julianna in his arms. He could see she was refraining from screaming at him - no doubt to avoid scaring the babe. "Does Sansa know you tried to kill her brother?"

"No. I've tried to tell her. More than once, but…she didn't wish to hear. She doesn't want to hear anything about my past. She says that she only cares about our future and the life we've made together."

"How convenient for you."

Jaime chuckled bitterly. "As a matter of fact, it's been rather inconvenient. Sansa says she doesn't wish to know. She won't ask questions, even when I want her to. She silences me anytime I try to speak of the man I was before her. Which has left me waiting for the moment that she finds out and…her love for me turns to hate, despite her words. I suppose now my waiting is over, once you tell her." He looked down at the babe in his arms, hating the thought of losing the bond he had formed with her.

"You don't deserve her," Lady Catelyn said angrily. "You don't deserve Sansa and you don't deserve the child you hold in your arms."

"I know that." Jaime expected Sansa to hate him when she learned what he'd done, despite her words about the past not mattering. He supposed he'd always known that he would lose her eventually. And losing Sansa likely meant losing his daughter as well. His biggest fear was that Sansa wouldn't allow him near Julianna once she knew. Jaime gently brushed his fingers over the fine red hair on the baby's head, trying to memorize every detail while he could.

"I know that I don't deserve Sansa. And that I don't deserve a daughter as perfect as the one she gave me." He raised his eyes to Lady Catelyn's. "But I certainly mean to keep them both."

"You think you can? You think Sansa will still love you, knowing what you've done?" There was a challenge in her voice, and Jaime had little doubt that, in her anger, she meant to tear he and Sansa apart. As punishment for what he did to her son.

"You wouldn't harm only me, if you told her. Surely even you can admit how much it would harm her. Not only to hear it, but…to lose someone else that she loves." He could see in her face that she knew he spoke the truth.

Jaime looked down at the babe in his arms, meeting her glittering eyes. I suppose I deserve to lose my little one, now that I've orphaned Tommen and Myrcella. "If it's any consolation to you, the gods saw fit to take the hand that pushed your son from that tower. As well as the hand that slew the Mad King." Jaime looked at the golden hand, which had replaced his sword hand. "When Vargo Hoat cut off my hand, he took the source of my glory and my shame, all at once."

"You believe that makes up for the suffering you caused my son?"

"No. I've done what's possible to atone for my sins against your family. Giving your daughters a safe home and making it possible for you to be with them again. I don't know what else I can offer you, other than my pledge to ensure that your daughters stay happy and safe. Both Sansa and Arya. I have done all that I could to see to their comfort."

He watched as Lady Catelyn looked down at her hands, considering his words. Jaime saw movement in the doorway to the nursery and saw Sansa enter.

"Mother, thank you for watching her." Her eyes quickly moved between the both of them before she gently took the baby from Jaime's arms, hushing her as she began to fuss. Jaime watched her and wondered if that was the last time he would hold his daughter, as he waited for Lady Catelyn to tell Sansa what a monster he was.

Lady Catelyn immediately rose to her feet. "I should leave the two of you alone," she said stiffly. Jaime watched her leave in surprise, seeing that she was blinking back tears as she hurried from the room.

"Is everything all right?" Sansa asked quietly, sitting down next to him. The babe began to whine and nose against her breasts. He watched as Sansa unlaced her gown so she could nurse the baby. He watched as his daughter suckled at Sansa's breast and wondered why Catelyn had not said anything to Sansa about his most shameful act. He met his wife's eyes and saw that she was watching him carefully – no doubt fearing that he would fall apart as he had more than once in the week since Cersei's death.

"I'm…I'm all right. Better. Because of you." Jaime was gripped by fear at the thought that he could lose Sansa at any moment. "I love you more than anything," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "Both of you," he murmured, running his finger over the babe's cheek as she nursed. Jaime saw Sansa watching him gently touch the baby and he smiled, skimming his finger over Sansa's breast and up into her hair, leaning forward and kissing her full on the mouth. Knowing she could be taken from him in an instant made him want to enjoy every moment in her presence.

"Arya has asked if you'll practice with her again," Sansa began quietly, his forehead resting against hers. "I think it would do you good to spend time with her."

"Being with you does me good," he said quietly, smiling as he took her hand, hoping that it wasn't for the last time.

She smiled, her eyes fixed on the baby. "I'll be here when you return. You've not left our rooms in over a week. It's not good for you be locked away all the time."

Jaime knew she spoke the truth. As much as he wanted to drink in every moment he had with her and the babe - he knew he could not follow her around forever. And truthfully, he was tired of thier rooms. And he missed Sansa's bratty little sister. She was right. It would do him good to get out and get some practice in. Jaime leaned in and kissed her before leaving the nursery.

He leaned against the wall outside the door and closed his eyes, doing his best to chase away the images he conjured up of Sansa looking at him with hate, not love. He remembered her reaction when she'd learned about he and Cersei – the disgust in her eyes and the way she wouldn't even allow him to touch her. Jaime didn't believe that he could take Sansa going back to treating him with the formality of an arranged marriage with a man she felt nothing for. Or worse, a man she hated.

….

After Jaime left, Sansa leaned back in her chair, feeling her face crumble as she looked down at her baby. Her hands began to shake and she felt tears well in her eyes.

"If it's any consolation to you, the gods saw fit to take the hand that pushed your son from that tower."

Jaime's words echoed in her mind and tore at her heart. She had not meant to overhear Jaime's conversation with her mother, but she had also not wanted to interrupt, hoping that they were able to put the past behind them. How wrong she was. She had never dreamed that she would hear him confess to crippling her brother. Sansa watched as a tear fell on the baby's arm, and Sansa quickly wiped it away and wiped her eyes.

Perhaps I should tell Jaime what I heard.

Sansa ruled that out almost as soon as the thought popped into her head. He was still hurting over what happened with Cersei. No matter what he'd done in the past, she knew he was still fragile.

And, selfishly, she was afraid of her own reaction if she uttered the words aloud. She was afraid of what she would say - of the horrible words that might fall from her mouth. Sansa thought it would destroy her if she were to lose the love she and Jaime shared. Not that she would have any choice about being with him. She was his wife. That woudl not change. He could keep her with him as long as he wished. Technically, she was his property, as was the babe. But Sansa didn't want that sort of marriage. She looked down at her baby and began to cry.

She knew that Jaime loved both her and their baby. And she believed that he regretted what he had done to Bran. That he regretted many things he'd done in the past. She recalled the times he had tried to speak to her about things he had done in the past and she had hushed him, refusing to hear it. Now she had a good idea what he had been trying to tell her about. Though, she supposed, she always suspected the Lannisters had something to do with Bran's fall.

You forgave him. You forgave him for everything that happened before you came into his life. Sansa nodded to herself, forcing herself to stop crying. She did forgive him. She didn't want to dwell on the past.

She wasn't blind to the fear in his expression when she had entered the nursery. No doubt he expected her mother to announce his sins to her. Sansa had expected her to do so as well, and dreaded it. She wondered why her mother had not told her. She did seem about to cry herself - perhaps she could not utter the words.

I hope she does not tell me. She'll expect me to hate Jaime as she does.

She wondered if she was weak and selfish to continue to love Jaime after all of the terrible things he had done in the past. She knew his sins had far-reaching consequences. That his actions had begun the hostilities between their families and that many had died because of it. He has changed. I know he has. He's not that same man.

Sansa wiped her tears again and looked down at her babe – the babe she and Jaime had made together and knew that she had to find a way to forget - and move past - what she had heard. Not only for herself and for Jaime, but for the innocent little baby in her arms. She just didn't know how.

...

So...we'll see how this goes. I think the whole pushing Bran thing is a huge obstacle to most Jaime/Sansa fanfics, but I also think that she needs to know, and not just live her life with him blissfully ignorant of the past. For all his faults, Jaime is a painfully honest man who would not lie when asked a direct question. While Sansa is much less confrontational and, I think, would keep this in and deal with it on her own. Let me know what you thought of the chapter.

Next chapter: Sansa struggles to be Jaime's wife, despite knowing what he's done