Thankfully, this is the last (overall) sad episode for Kurt and Blaine this season... starting with the next episode, both Kurt and Blaine start to pick up the pieces of their lives and move forward. They'll find their way back to each other, eventually!
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
Kurt was nearing the end of a workout video on Monday morning – Rachel had left early for class and he didn't have to leave for another hour – when he heard the sound of Rachel singing happily to herself on the way down the hall toward their apartment. Kurt grabbed the remote off the couch, turned off the television and the DVD player, and ran into his section of the apartment, dragging the curtain closed just as Rachel unlocked the door.
"Kurt?" she called as she entered the apartment.
"One second!" he gasped. He was wearing his Richard Simmons workout outfit. She could not see him dressed like this under any circumstances. He'd never live it down.
"Are you in your room? I need to tell you –"
"I'm naked!" he shouted, sensing that she was going to barge in. "I... I'm– I'll be dressed in a second!"
"Hurry up!" she shouted back. She sounded happy, so he guessed that she had good news to share. Hopefully that would mean she would be distracted from how sweaty he was.
Kurt slipped on some pajama pants and a t-shirt he tended to wear around the apartment and fanned himself for a moment with a pad of paper to try to cool off.
"Kurt!" Rachel called, impatient.
"Coming!" he responded. He ran his hands through his hair a few times until it looked purposefully untidy and walked out into the common area of the apartment.
"Why're you all sweaty?" Rachel commented immediately.
"Uh..." Kurt blanked.
"Oh," Rachel said, her face flushing. "Oh. Um, oh god, sorry, you weren't expecting me, I–"
Kurt rubbed his face, embarrassed by her assumption and the knowledge of what he had actually been doing when she arrived, and changed the subject.
"You have news?" he asked.
"Right!" Rachel said, relieved and suddenly excited again. "Guess what?"
"What?" Kurt asked, legitimately curious to know the source of her enthusiasm.
"I'm going on an audition for an off-Broadway play!" Rachel shouted. "I just got the call with my date and time so I had to come back and tell you!"
Kurt gasped, struck with a mixture of delight for his friend and a sliver of jealousy. "What play?" he inquired.
"An avant-garde production of The Glass Menagerie," Rachel explained. "And I'm auditioning for Laura Wingfield!"
"Oh my god," Kurt approved.
The news provided a perfect segue into a topic Kurt had been thinking about a lot over the past few days.
"Speaking of plays," Kurt said as Rachel poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge, "do you think... are you planning to go home for Grease?"
"I don't think so," she replied brightly before finishing off the drink and grabbing her bag. "I've actually got to go to class now, though, or I'll be late, so... we'll discuss it later?"
"Sure," Kurt agreed. Rachel hugged him and breezed out the door without another word.
Kurt couldn't decide if he wanted to go back to Ohio for the musical. Part of him thought that he probably should because his friends had worked so hard. And he really, really missed his dad.
And Blaine would be there.
It was both the one thing causing Kurt to hesitate and the one thing that made him want to go more than anything else. He hadn't seen Blaine since the morning after their breakup. Maybe it would be good to see him? Would it help Kurt find some closure?
Kurt went to work and argued with himself all day about whether or not he should fly all the way to Ohio to see his high school friends put on a musical. Or to see his ex-boyfriend. Or even his father. He would see everyone at Christmas, right? So, he shouldn't go.
But it would be nice to show them support. They were his friends, and it took a lot to put on a musical. And Blaine was his ex-boyfriend who had hadn't spoken to in a month and a half. Blaine wanted to talk, so maybe they should? Also, Burt would be incredibly happy to see him. As would Carole and, Kurt hoped, Finn. So, he should go.
Rachel texted him halfway through the day to inform him that she had asked Brody to help her prepare for her The Glass Menagerie audition, and Kurt rolled his eyes. From Kurt's vantage point, Rachel's breakup with Finn had been so much less traumatic than his breakup with Blaine. Kurt wasn't sure he even understood what the issue was between his friend and step-brother. Finn had called off their engagement on the day of their wedding at the beginning of the summer to send Rachel to New York, but they had still technically been together until Finn came to New York and they broke up? Kurt wondered how Finn would react when he inevitably found out that Rachel and Brody were well on their way to a relationship.
Kurt and Rachel had dinner at NYADA's cafeteria that evening, and Kurt reintroduced the subject of going to Ohio to see Grease.
"I just think it would be nice," he said, trying not to sound too desperate. "They've worked really hard."
"Flying to Ohio's not cheap, though," Rachel argued. "And I know it would be nice to see our friends, but I don't think I want to see... everyone."
"I'm not sure I want to see 'everyone', either," Kurt agreed. "But could it be any worse than not seeing him?"
"I just don't want to, really," Rachel pushed back. "I was back there recently, so –"
"Well, I wasn't just there," Kurt reminded her. "I haven't been back since I came here."
"You could go by yourself?" Rachel suggested.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Right, I can just go by myself."
Rachel looked apologetic, but her resolve did not seem to be weakening.
"Come on, Rachel," Kurt said. She didn't look convinced, and Kurt decided to try to appeal to her vanity. "Going back to your small town Ohio high school to support your friends even though you're making it in New York... great memoir material," he suggested.
To his delight, Kurt saw the ignition of the spark in Rachel's eyes that told him she was considering it.
"Think about it?" Kurt begged.
"Okay," Rachel allowed.
BLAINE
"Alright, guys, listen up!" Mr. Schu said at the start of glee rehearsal on Monday morning. "I have an announcement to make."
"Adele is dead," Brittany guessed.
"No," Mr. Schu clarified. "I've been asked to join a blue ribbon panel to rewrite the arts curriculum, nationwide."
There was a chorus of "woah"s and "congratulations" from the group, but Blaine was too busy worrying about what the announcement would mean for New Directions to absorb the excitement.
"Thank you," Mr. Schu said. "I'll be taking a short sabbatical, which means... I'm leaving McKinley at the end of the week."
It was what Blaine had been afraid of. He had always secretly wished that they could prepare for competitions without Mr. Schu getting in the way – like the Warblers ran things; without a teacher guiding their every decision – but Mr. Schu departing so suddenly was a significant shakeup so soon before the start of competition season. Predictably, some of the students were very upset.
"Wait, what?" Tina voiced the group's disapproval. "This is crazy."
"Glee club is your life," Artie added.
"Which is why this is only temporary," Mr. Schu agreed. "I'll be back right after Sectionals."
"Wait," Tina gasped. "After Sectionals?"
"I mean, it's not like we know him that well or anything," Unique commented to Jake. Blaine smiled slightly, glad that someone seemed to be calm about the situation. He was about to volunteer to run glee club in Mr. Schu's absence when Mr. Schu regained control of the conversation.
"Guys, guys, calm down," Mr. Schu begged. "Look, I knew I needed to find a replacement, which is why I brought in Finn Hudson."
He turned and motioned at Finn, who was sitting on a chair near the piano.
"Mr. Schu, Finn cannot take over glee club!" Tina argued, jumping to her feet. "He doesn't know what he's doing at all! Sorry, Finn."
"Guys," Finn said, getting up from his seat to stand beside Mr. Schu, "I know I can do this. And I've got some really great ideas for Sectionals."
"We'll all be dead by then!" Tina shrieked. "He doesn't know how to direct a musical!"
Everyone had an opinion, and the room erupted into a chorus of words. Blaine remained silent. He was excited for the opportunity to get to spend time with Finn again. The rest could be worked out as a group. This wasn't the end of the world.
Sue interrupted before the conversation could continue, demanding that Mr. Schu and Finn accompany her to Principal Figgins' office.
"Just... warm up while we're gone, please. Blaine?" Mr. Schu motioned to Blaine to come to the front of the room.
"Guys!" Blaine protested as Mr. Schu and Finn left the room and the students of New Directions continued their talking nonstop. Words like "disaster" and "stupid" jumped out at him, and he had to raise his voice to be heard as he stood in front of the group. "Guys! Hey, please, calm down..."
The group slowly quieted until they were all looking at Blaine with varying degrees of skepticism on their faces.
"It's going to be fine," Blaine reassured them.
"Oh, please," Tina scoffed.
Blaine glared at her but chose not to respond. Instead, he continued his conversation with the group.
"We're all set for Grease at the end of the week," he reminded them. "None of which involved Mr. Schu, anyway. And we can figure out what to sing for Sectionals without Mr. Schu, right?"
"You –" Tina started, but Blaine cut her off with a sharp motion of his hand.
"That's enough," he said firmly before he walked to the piano so he could lead the group in warming up. "Mr. Schu is going and Finn is staying, so we're going to deal with it and focus on preparing for Sectionals."
BLAINE
After school, Artie and Mike took most of the guys to meet Finn at the tire shop to rehearse Greased Lightning, but Blaine stayed behind to rehearse Beauty School Dropout with the girls. It was a fun afternoon; they spent more time giggling about ridiculous things than actually rehearsing. But, by the end of the afternoon, Blaine thought they had a handle on the choreography. He already knew the vocals to the song – he had seen the film version of the show many times – so it was all falling into place as well as Blaine hoped it would. He knew it would be perfect by opening night.
Once they finished rehearsing, Tina asked the girls to stay so she could do another round of costume fittings, but she had finished Blaine's costume the day before. Blaine hung around and helped to clean up the set that they had put together on the stage for rehearsal and then decided to go home. On his way out, Blaine passed Tina, Brittany, and Sugar, who were putting finishing touches on Sugar's costume, before approaching Marley at a tall mirror. She was twisting around, examining her Sandy costume from various angles.
"Hey," Blaine said kindly as he passed.
"Blaine?" she stopped him. "Can I– I need an honest opinion."
"Sure," Blaine agreed.
"Do I look like I've gained weight to you?" Marley asked desperately.
"What?" Blaine scolded. "No, of course not."
"My costume won't zip up," Marley confessed, her voice trembling with panic.
"Really?" Blaine doubted. He walked over so he could examine the label at the back of her neck. It was definitely her size.
"I fit into it yesterday!" Marley worried.
"You look beautiful," Blaine reassured her, rubbing her shoulders. "Maybe it shrunk when Tina washed it or something. I'll send her over. Okay?"
"Okay," Marley agreed. "Thanks."
As Blaine was telling Tina that Marley needed help with her costume, his phone vibrated in his pocket.
A text message from Sam. Bro dinner at Breadstix. Meet you there in twenty minutes.
Blaine laughed. He rarely did anything after school other than go home to do his homework and, occasionally, box a little in the garage before flopping into bed to watch mindless television and try, unsuccessfully, not to think about Kurt. Maybe it would be fun to go to dinner with Sam and some of the other guys from New Directions.
"Is that Kurt?" Tina asked.
Blaine's enthusiasm left him as rapidly as it had arrived.
"No," he informed her as he returned his phone to his pocket.
"What even happened between you two, anyway?" Tina asked. "Was it the distance? Because, trust me, I know –"
"It was complicated," Blaine interrupted, irritated.
"Do you think you'll get back together?" Tina asked.
"I don't know," Blaine snapped.
"Geez," Tina rolled her eyes. "Sorry for being interested in your life."
"Kurt's not in my life, Tina," Blaine said. Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away.
What was he supposed to tell people? That he had cheated on Kurt with some guy he met on Facebook? That he felt alienated from everyone? That nothing seemed to matter anymore? That he was a horrible person?
He couldn't say any of those things. So, instead, he had been dodging the question ever since New Directions had found out that he and Kurt had broken up. It was exhausting.
As Blaine climbed into his car and decided to ditch dinner in favor of going home to be alone, his phone vibrated. It was Sam again. Don't read this if you're driving. Are you coming or not?
Blaine stared out the windshield for a few minutes, trying to decide. He knew he should go. Any time he did things with New Directions, he had a good time. And wouldn't it be better to have a good time and go home to his heartache later than to go home and spent all evening trying to pretend he was okay?
I'm coming, he sent back to Sam.
An hour later, as he sat wedged between Finn and Sam, laughing with the guys of New Directions, he was glad he had decided to come.
"And yeah, guys, you've gotta have a costume if you want to join but it's totally fun," Sam explained the Secret Society of Superheroes club that he and Blaine were starting the next afternoon.
"We're going to try to get the whole school involved," Blaine explained, excited about the idea. "Superheroes make the world better, right? That's the idea. We're going to make McKinley a safer, better place and encourage people to be the best, most honorable versions of themselves."
"It's basically awesome," Sam added.
"I'm joining," Joe approved.
"If everyone's wearing superhero costumes," Jake said skeptically, "isn't it basically like a uniform? I don't like being forced to do things."
"Nobody's being forced to do anything," Blaine argued. "It's a club. And a superhero costume is not a uniform, come on."
"Wait," Sam said to Blaine, "as heads of the student council, could we make superhero costumes the school uniform?"
Blaine shook his head and Sam looked disappointed.
"Uniforms aren't that bad, anyway," Blaine added as the conversation wound down.
"Speak for yourself," Finn laughed. "Kurt used to say that –"
Finn caught himself, too late, and Blaine dropped his eyes to the table as everyone suddenly turned to stare at him.
"Yeah," Blaine forced a smile, not wanting to ruin the mood. "He was happy to come back to McKinley so he could wear his own clothes."
Nervous laughter swept around the table.
"Do you think I could be a Christian superhero?" Joe mused.
It was enough to break the tension, and the conversation rolled forward without further incident. But the mention of Kurt was enough to start Blaine's mind down the path to memories of Kurt and their time together at Dalton, and he didn't sleep well that night.
KURT
The next afternoon, Kurt got off of work early and went to NYADA to help Rachel rehearse for her upcoming audition. As he walked through campus on his way to one of the dance studios where Rachel was waiting, he thought about the devastation of his rejection letter at the end of his senior year of high school. He should be a student walking through NYADA's campus, not a visitor. Kurt still felt a minor dose of frustration every time he came to NYADA and remembered that they hadn't thought he was good enough.
But, where that frustration had been coupled with despair when he first arrived in New York, now frustration and determination strolled hand-in-hand through Kurt's mind. If he hadn't been rejected from NYADA, he never would have interned at Vogue dot com. He never would have known Isabelle Wright. And, for every insecurity NYADA's lack of interest had opened up in Kurt, Isabelle was ready with an encouraging word or an act of kindness that made Kurt feel like he could, possibly, be someone in the world.
When he added his breakup with Blaine to the list of changes in his life over the past six months, Kurt knew he had never grown or changed so quickly. He still felt like a small town boy trying to make his way in the big city, but he felt so different than the small town boy who graduated from high school less than a year earlier. He had gained confidence and life experience, and he was grateful that he had managed to survive all the upheaval in his life so far.
The only thing he wished had never happened was his separation from Blaine. He knew it was because it was so fresh, but Kurt had a difficult time finding a lesson to learn from Blaine's betrayal that could possibly make the heartbreak worth it. He missed Blaine so, so much.
He wondered if Blaine was planning to apply to NYADA. It had been his plan the last time they talked about it, but that conversation had occurred before Kurt's graduation. After Kurt's rejection letter, Blaine had been careful not to mention NYADA unless Kurt brought it up first.
Kurt tried to banish thoughts of Blaine from his mind as he entered the building where he was meeting Rachel. He hadn't even gotten into NYADA yet. There was no point imagining a world where both he and Blaine attended. He was just working himself up for nothing.
"Hi!" Rachel waved excitedly from across the room as Kurt arrived. He returned the wave and slipped behind a tall set of mirrors to change into looser clothes than the outfit he had worn to work.
"Thanks so much for coming," Rachel said as they sat down facing each other so they could stretch together. "I'm rehearsing some with Brody this weekend, but I want to impress him with how much progress I've made."
"Yeah," Kurt teased dryly, "maybe you won't have to rehearse much at all."
She giggled instead of protesting, and Kurt was glad Brody seemed like a nice enough guy. Soon enough, Rachel would probably start bringing him to the apartment all the time.
"I can't believe you have a dance audition for The Glass Menagerie," Kurt commented as they stretched.
"Well, Ivan is a very physical director," Rachel explained. "All of his work is very movement driven."
Kurt groaned unhappily as Rachel pulled him forward further than he wanted to go.
"Come on," Rachel teased. "No?"
"Release," Kurt asked, and Rachel let go of his hands and fell over onto her back.
Kurt's phone vibrated in his pocket as he let go of Rachel, and he pulled it out to see a series of text messages from Tina.
"Grease update from Tina!" Kurt explained. "Ohh, apparently the girl playing Sandy has gained so much weight she can't fit into her clothes."
"No," Rachel whined in sympathy. "That's unfortunate. But... doesn't really have anything to do with us."
Kurt gave her a critical look.
"No," Rachel scolded. "We're not! We are not going to see it."
"Not going to see what?"
Kurt and Rachel jumped to their feet as Cassandra July walked into the room.
"What are you doing in my studio, Schwimmer?" Cassandra asked. "Practicing for your big audition?"
"Yeah," Rachel confirmed. "This is actually my roommate, Kurt, and he's helping me with it."
Nervousness rushed through Kurt. He could end up in this class one day. What should he say?
"It's an honor to meet you, Miss July," Kurt gushed as Cassandra removed her jacket to reveal an outfit that bared her stomach. "And ohh, you've got some abs!"
He wanted to melt into the floor the moment the words left his mouth. So much for an appropriate first impression.
"That's sweet," Cassandra said, and Kurt was glad that she didn't seem bothered by his comment. Rachel glared at him, and Kurt wanted to tell her to shut up even though she wasn't saying anything.
"Can you get the bar?" Cassandra asked as she walked across the room toward them. Happy for something to do, Kurt turned around and rushed to help Rachel carry the bar into the middle of the room.
"So, you were saying?" Cassandra pressed as they brought the bar over. "Not gonna see what?"
"Her recently broken up with ex-boyfriend is directing my recently broken up with ex-boyfriend in a school production of Grease," Kurt explained. "And we've got a bunch of friends in it, so we were debating whether or not we should go."
"When is it?" Cassandra asked.
"This weekend," Kurt replied.
"Oh," Cassandra said. "You need to go. I mean, if you're both not over your exes, it's a perfect opportunity for closure."
"I have closure," Rachel said immediately.
Kurt didn't say anything. He didn't have closure. The emotional wound of Blaine's infidelity felt as horrible and raw now as it had the moment the words had fallen out of Blaine's mouth.
"Okay," Cassandra allowed, "then go have fun, Schwim. Or go because it's Grease. Go because it's your friends. It's your high school."
Happy that someone else was pushing the issue and validating his desire to go, Kurt turned to Rachel.
"Rachel, I'm going," he said. "I need to see him. I haven't seen him since. I'm not sleeping. I'm living off of Ambien and The Notebook. Please come with me. I can't do it alone."
The thought of going back to Ohio all by himself made him want to throw up, but Kurt knew he needed to go. With or without his best friend.
"Look, even if I wanted to go... which I don't," Rachel said, "we don't have the money."
She turned to Cassandra. "Kurt's an intern and I spent all of my money on my last trip home, so..."
"Well," the dance instructor said, "I could give you my JetBlue frequent flyer miles."
Rachel glanced at Kurt, and he nodded, encouraging her to accept.
"I can't use them ever since I was banned for my Bloody Mary-fueled panic attack at thirty thousand feet that resulted in the hospitalization of three flight attendants," Cassandra explained.
Kurt knew his surprise was written all over his face, but Cassandra just shrugged.
"Don't ask," she suggested.
"And don't go if you don't want to," Cassandra turned her attention back to Rachel. "But I just think you'll regret missing it."
Rachel was silent, but Kurt knew she was considering it.
"Well," Cassandra said, "I think I've given you enough to think about. I'll use another room. Oh, and I'll email you those frequent flyer miles, Schwimmer."
Rachel looked surprised as Cassandra strolled over to collect her things, but Kurt was just grateful that someone had helped him convince Rachel to go with him to Ohio. She hadn't said yes yet, but he knew she would.
"Thanks, Ms. July," Kurt waved as the instructor left the room.
She tossed a casual wave in his direction and disappeared out the door.
"I thought you said she was horrible," Kurt whispered to Rachel.
"That was unusually nice," Rachel said skeptically.
"Maybe she feels our pain," Kurt mused. "Or my pain, apparently. Are you really not upset? About Finn?"
Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Not really," she said. "I mean, there will always be a part of me that loves Finn. He was my first love. But I need someone who's... compatible. Finn's a nice guy, but he needs to grow up."
"That's harsh," Kurt said, feeling protective of his step-brother.
"I know," Rachel said apologetically. "The point is that I'm not devastated about not being with Finn. I got to say what I wanted to say to him, and now I want to move on. To have a life."
She met Kurt's eyes and seemed to realize that what he really wanted was to figure out how he could have a life without Blaine.
"Our situations are different, I guess," she said sadly. "Have you talked to him?"
Kurt shook his head.
"Are you going to tell him we're coming to see Grease?" Rachel asked.
"We are?" Kurt hoped.
Rachel walked over to hug him.
"It's not going to cost us anything with those frequent flyer miles," she said, "so, if you want to go, let's go."
"Thank you," Kurt replied quietly.
As he squeezed her and thanked the universe that Cassandra July was not as horrible as he had imagined, Kurt felt a rush of nervousness. He was going to see Blaine. For the first time since the night, a month and a half ago, when Blaine had come to New York and confessed his infidelity.
BLAINE
On Thursday, as Blaine was getting the books he needed for the second half of the day out of his locker, someone walked up behind him and spanked him. He jumped in surprise, dropped the book in his hands, and spun around to find Santana smirking at him.
"Jesus, sorry!" she rolled her eyes. "I've always wanted to do that and you just looked so innocent and distracted. I couldn't resist."
"You–?" Blaine shook his head. There was no point arguing with her.
"Oh, don't act so scandalized," Santana knelt down to pick up the book Blaine had dropped.
"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked as he took the book from her.
"I've come to join the musical, of course," she struck an overly dramatic pose.
"You're not a student here," Blaine reminded her.
"Yeah, well, who else is going to play Rizzo with only one day to rehearse?" she countered.
"Uh, Unique's playing Rizzo," Blaine informed her.
"Nope," Santana said as Blaine closed his locker and they walked down the hallway together. "The funny thing about being a minor is that your parents can decide if they don't want you doing things. Like dressing in drag to play a girl in a musical."
"But –" Blaine started.
"Don't argue with me; it's not my fault. Finn called me and asked me to come," Santana cut him off. "I'm just here to pick up the pieces."
Blaine rolled his eyes.
"Is Kurt leaving paradise long enough to come see the show?" Santana asked.
"I doubt it," Blaine said sadly.
"I find it suspicious that nobody knows exactly why you two broke up," Santana admitted. Blaine could tell she was looking at him as they walked, but he pretended he didn't notice. "I thought you guys had, like, true love or whatever."
"We do," Blaine snapped.
"You don't want to talk about it," Santana understood. "Okay. I'm sorry, that's all."
Blaine risked a glance at her and was surprised to see that she actually looked remorseful.
"Thanks," he shrugged.
She nudged him with her shoulder. "This is where I leave you," she motioned toward the auditorium. "See you around."
Blaine nodded and watched her take the first few steps away from him.
"Santana?" he called after her. She stopped and turned partially around to look at him as he offered a toothless smile. "It's good to see you."
KURT
When Kurt and Rachel stepped off the plane and into the airport in Ohio, Kurt felt an unexpected wave of emotion. He remembered the last time he had been in this airport. Completely unsure about what New York and his future had in store for him and so, so scared. Leaving home for the first time.
He couldn't wait to see his father.
Burt and Rachel's dads had been more than willing to come pick Kurt and Rachel up at the airport. Rachel had seen her dads less than a month earlier when she returned to Lima to search for Finn, but it was the first time Kurt had seen Burt since the day he left Ohio.
He cried. He couldn't help it. But Burt cried, too, so it seemed appropriate. Plus, it was nice to cry happy tears after a month and a half of crying himself to sleep because he was heartbroken about Blaine.
"You look so much older," Burt's muffled voice said into Kurt's hair.
"You, too," Kurt quipped as Burt released him.
"Hey," Burt warned, gently shoving Kurt's shoulder. Kurt laughed and wiped at his eyes.
The two families went to dinner together; Kurt, Burt, Carole, Rachel, and Rachel's dads. Finn couldn't come because he was busy helping to set up for Grease's opening night, and Kurt tried not to think about the fact that Finn was with Blaine.
Kurt had known that he missed his father and Carole, but he had underestimated how nice it would feel to be with family again. Even Rachel's dads were familiar and loving and wanted to hear every little detail about Rachel and Kurt's time in New York.
Too soon, dinner was over and it was time for Kurt and Rachel to go to McKinley to see the show. They borrowed Burt's car – Rachel's dads drove Burt and Carole home – and made it as far as the McKinley parking lot before Kurt had to admit his anxiety.
"Why are we doing this, again?" he asked as he turned the car off.
"You want to do this," Rachel reminded him, opening her door to climb out of the car.
"That was before we got here," Kurt whined as he joined her for the walk across the parking lot.
There were so many memories to digest that Kurt just let them flow through him as they walked. Early mornings waiting for Blaine to arrive. Late afternoons walking hand-in-hand across the parking lot until they had to separate to go to their cars. Junior prom. Senior prom.
Kurt was pleased when, as they walked through the door and into the hallway of their old high school, his mind offered mostly positive memories of McKinley's hallways. He had friends here. They had done so much together.
He missed it.
He didn't miss high school, exactly. But he missed the group of friends. He was friendly with some of his co-workers at Vogue dot com, but there wasn't anyone he thought would become a friend over time. He felt the most comfortable with Isabelle, and they couldn't have a straightforward friendship. She was his boss. His mentor.
"Alright, well just remember," Rachel said as they walked down the mostly-empty hallway, "no matter how many times people ask, we have to stick to our five autograph limit."
"Right," Kurt said. "I'm more concerned about running into you-know-who."
"You'll be fine," Rachel reassured him.
Kurt wasn't sure. At any moment, Blaine could step out into the hallway. Or they could walk around a corner and run right into him.
What if they didn't ran into him at all?
Kurt was glad when they walked by their old lockers and he had something to focus on. "Awww, look!" he said, walking over to touch the cold metal. "It's your locker next to my locker."
"Remember that time you got out of that date with Mercedes by saying that you had a thing for me?" Rachel recalled as they each sorted through their memories of high school.
"Yeah," Mercedes' voice acknowledged from behind Kurt, "it still burns my ass to this day!"
There was a lot of squealing with joy and multiple hugs as Kurt and Rachel greeted their friend. Kurt felt slightly better knowing that Mercedes was here. It made things seem a little less tense.
"It's amazing you guys came to see the musical," Mercedes said as they stepped apart. "Look, these kids are ready to bring the house down!"
"How are you? Tell us everything!" Rachel demanded.
"Life is crazy busy," Mercedes explained. "You know, it's not easy balancing UCLA classes and recording backup vocals. Or having Puckerman always hit me up for sugar mamas' phone numbers. But life is good."
Kurt laughed at the mental image of Puck calling Mercedes all the time. He made a mental note to check on Puck via Facebook.
"Oh, but you guys have to come backstage and say hi!" Mercedes suggested. "They're gonna freak when they see who's here!"
A heavy sense of dread settled over Kurt as he thought about what going backstage would mean. And what kind of freaking out might happen when he and Blaine saw each other for the first time since their breakup.
He looked at Rachel and she nodded encouragingly. Kurt tried to remember why he had wanted to come. Why had he thought he wanted to see Blaine? He didn't want to. It was too painful. It was easier to just pretend that Blaine no longer existed in Kurt's world.
But now he was in the same building as the boy he had once thought was his soul mate.
As Kurt walked with Rachel and Mercedes toward the auditorium, Mercedes was saying something about the new kids and how talented they were. But Kurt felt like his sole purpose in life was to watch and listen for Blaine. He didn't want to be surprised.
As they walked onto the auditorium stage, the lights blinked to remind everyone to get ready, and Kurt felt like it was a warning. You've arrived; now you're going to have to speak to your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you with some guy. He looked at Rachel, but she was beaming with delight. Kurt offered a smile in return, reminding himself that they did have wonderful memories in this space. But he couldn't stop the thought from entering his mind that she didn't have to worry about what she might say to Finn. She had already said it all. In private.
Maybe he should have called Blaine. Maybe he should have let him know that he was coming back to Ohio for the show. His presence was going to be a big surprise for Blaine. Was that fair? Did Blaine deserve "fair" after what he had done?
And what was Kurt going to say when he saw Blaine? He hoped that he could keep himself composed. The last thing he wanted was to have a screaming match with Blaine in front of everyone.
Suddenly, there was no more time to think about it; Blaine was right in front of him. Walking straight toward Kurt and Rachel with his hands in his pockets.
The brief span of time between when Kurt saw Blaine and when Blaine's gaze landed on Kurt was enough time for Kurt to realize that coming had not been a good idea.
He had hoped that seeing Blaine in person would help remind him of when things were great between them. That it would help remind him that Blaine wasn't a horrible monster. But, instead, he just felt pain as he watched Blaine approaching in his white Teen Angel costume. Betrayal and disappointment and heartache.
All of which seemed to magnify as Blaine's eyes landed on Kurt and the shock shone on his face.
"Kurt?" Blaine said as he stopped walking. "I... I didn't think I would see you this weekend."
Kurt shut down. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to feel. It was too horrible. He dropped his gaze to the floor and said nothing.
"We wouldn't miss it for the world," Rachel stepped in, grabbing Kurt's arm. "Would we, Kurt?"
"No," Kurt said.
His eyes flicked up for a quick look at Blaine, and the uncertainty on Blaine's face made Kurt realize that he had not yet reached rock bottom in terms of his emotional pain.
"Rachel," Finn approached from behind Blaine.
"Finn... hey," Rachel said politely. "How are you?"
"Good," Finn said. "A little surprised to see you, but..."
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as the four of them stood together and didn't know what to say.
"I'm gonna go put the kids through their warm up," Mercedes said before rushing away. Kurt had forgotten she was standing there.
"How are you?" Finn asked Rachel.
"I'm good!" she replied. "I'm really good. Just busy and..."
She looked to Kurt for help.
"Rachel has her first big audition for an off-Broadway show next week," Kurt told Finn. He made sure not to look at Blaine.
"Wow," Finn replied appreciatively. "That's awesome, congratulations."
"Thanks," Rachel said.
Kurt glanced at Blaine again and had to look away just as quickly. A heavy, uncomfortable silence settled around them.
"Look, this is... this is really, really weird," Finn broke the silence. "But the four of us had a lot of history between us, so I just wanna say... it's cool you came to see our show."
Kurt looked up at Finn and wished that things were different. He was glad to see Finn. He wished they could spend some time together, but he didn't want to leave Rachel.
"Pretty proud of it," Finn added. Blaine nodded a little and Kurt could tell, even without looking at him, that Blaine was trying to decide if he should say something.
Finn turned and walked away, but Blaine didn't immediately follow. For what felt much longer than a few seconds, Kurt could feel Blaine looking at him. Most of him hoped that Blaine wouldn't say anything, but a small part of him wanted to get it over with. Wanted Blaine to say something to make things better.
He didn't. Instead, Blaine nodded a sad goodbye before turning and walking away.
Rachel let out a long, tense breath as Kurt tried to figure out everything that he was feeling.
"You were right," Kurt said. "It was a mistake to come. I'm not going to get through act two."
Act two, when Blaine would be on stage. As much as it pained him to know that Blaine had turned it down, Kurt was glad that Blaine wasn't playing Danny Zuko. Having to watch Blaine through the entire show would be agony. As Teen Angel, Blaine would only be on stage for one song.
"Oh, no!" Rachel reassured him. She stepped in front of him so he had to look at her. "Look, you're going to be fine, alright? I'm going to be sitting right next to you and we're going to be holding hands and laughing and applauding and we are never, ever, gonna let them see us sweat. Okay?"
Kurt nodded.
"Okay," Rachel confirmed. "Come here."
She hugged him and Kurt tried not to cry. He had hoped that things would make more sense once he saw Blaine, but, instead, he felt more confused than ever.
BLAINE
Tears were spilling out of Blaine's eyes by the time he reached the door that led out of the auditorium.
In a moment of desperation over where he could go to be alone without leaving the school, he walked to the end of the hallway and into the girls' bathroom. He locked the door behind him; people could just use the bathroom at the other end of the hall nearer to the auditorium.
Kurt had come back to Ohio to see the show and hadn't even told him. Blaine felt unbearably sad and guilty and a little bit angry. Kurt had put him on the spot by just showing up, unannounced. The shock of the sudden reappearance of the boy he loved was so overwhelming that Blaine had to lean back against the locked door and sob out the guilt that was raging through him.
When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he grabbed it and, despite his mind telling him to stop being so stupid, hoped that maybe it would be Kurt.
It was Finn. Where are you? I know that was rough. Will you be back soon?
Blaine focused on breathing evenly as he replied. Sorry. I'll be back in a minute.
He stepped up to one of the sinks and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red from crying.
He looked really, really sad.
After splashing cold water on his face until his eyes looked normal again, Blaine had a sudden rush of adrenaline.
Kurt was here. They could talk.
He pulled out his phone and sent a text message to Kurt.
Thank you for coming. Can we talk after, please?
With a spark of hope settling into his chest, Blaine unlocked the door and hurried back to the auditorium to be with the rest of the cast as they prepared to start the show.
"Dude, where were you?" Sam scolded as he arrived. "We're about to do the show circle thing and then thing actual show is starting!"
"I'm not in the show until the second act," Blaine reminded him.
"But you're still part of the show," Sam said. "Come on."
BLAINE
As Blaine stood in his place at the top of a set of white stairs and readied to sing Beauty School Dropout, he wondered where Kurt was sitting in the audience.
He was nervous.
Kurt had always been a supportive presence. Someone who would tell him he had done well – or, at least, well enough – no matter what. But now, with Kurt so upset, performing with Kurt in the audience felt like a test.
Blaine made it through the beginning of the song without looking out into the audience. He focused on Sugar and ignored the sea of dark bodies behind her. But, as he slipped into the booth to sit beside Sugar and turned his head toward the audience, suddenly there wasn't anything else to focus on.
And his eyes landed on Kurt almost immediately. He was sitting beside Rachel a few rows from the stage. On the end of a row. Their eyes met, but Kurt immediately dropped his gaze.
Blaine hoped that the audience couldn't see the rush of icy guilt and regret that rushed through him as Kurt refused to look at him. He couldn't stop. He was in the middle of a performance. He had to push his emotions away and pour himself back into Teen Angel to finish the song. He didn't want to let all his classmates down with a less-than-stellar performance just because he couldn't reign in his emotions.
KURT
After Blaine's song, Kurt felt like he could relax a little. He didn't have to worry about seeing Blaine again until after the show. So, he tried to just enjoy himself and let himself feel proud of his friends for putting on such an entertaining show.
But, as the show ended and everyone stood up to applaud, Rachel stayed in her seat. And she stayed sitting, even when the entire cast came back to the stage for the curtain call.
"What's wrong?" Kurt asked as their friends bowed to the audience.
"I just need a minute," Rachel said. She stood and moved past him to hurry out of the auditorium.
Kurt watched her go before turning his attention back to the people on the stage. Specifically, Blaine. He was smiling as the group bowed, but Kurt could tell that he was avoiding looking in Kurt's direction. Blaine's text message from just before the show felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in Kurt's pocket. Can we talk after, please?
When the curtain had closed and most of the crowd had left the auditorium, Kurt finally wandered out into the hallway to look for Rachel. And, hopefully, to avoid Blaine.
But, when Kurt walked around a corner and found Rachel, she wasn't alone. Finn was there.
"Hey..." Kurt said tentatively. He couldn't see Rachel's face, but Finn looked sad.
"Mr. Schuester said he wanted to see you in the choir room," he lied to Finn.
Finn said a quick goodbye to Rachel before cutting through an office toward the choir room. Kurt hoped that Mr. Schu would be there waiting so Finn wouldn't suspect that Kurt had wanted him to go away.
"You okay?" Kurt asked as Rachel turned and walked to him.
"I just want to go home," Rachel said immediately.
"I thought this was home?" Kurt asked.
"Doesn't feel like it anymore," Rachel said, turning to look at where Finn had disappeared.
"Kurt, I need to talk to you," Blaine's voice reached Kurt's ears before Kurt noticed him approaching. Kurt turned his head as Blaine walked up to stand beside him. He was still in his Teen Angel costume.
Kurt didn't know what to do. Blaine wanted to talk. But Kurt didn't.
"You okay?" Rachel asked quietly, and Kurt made a mental note to do something nice for her for giving him the opportunity to escape if he wanted it. But he knew he shouldn't run away. He nodded, and Rachel left in a hurry.
BLAINE
After their awkward encounter before the show, Blaine had spent every moment when he wasn't on stage trying to figure out what he was going to say to Kurt after the show. He had debated being vague and supremely apologetic – "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I'm so, so, so sorry. Please forgive me." – but that wasn't really what he wanted to say. He wanted to explain. Kurt could ignore his calls and texts, but it would be more difficult to ignore Blaine to his face.
As Rachel walked away to stand at the end of the hallway and Kurt met his gaze a few times, Blaine could see the cautiousness and pain in Kurt's eyes.
"I'm not interested," Kurt spoke first. He turned and walked away toward Rachel, but Blaine followed.
"I... I never told you about what happened," Blaine said as he walked behind Kurt. "The guy that I hooked up with... I need you to know everything."
"What're you going to tell me?" Kurt said, stopping to turn around and face Blaine. "That it wasn't serious? That you only made out? That you didn't care about him?"
"I didn't care," Blaine stressed.
"Do you think any of that matters to me?" Kurt asked. "Relationships are about trust. And I don't trust you anymore."
There were so many things Blaine wanted to say. He wanted to explain how hurt he had felt when Kurt started blowing him off. He wanted to explain that he was having a hard time feeling anything and that the hookup with Eli had been a reckless excuse to feel something. He wanted to explain that he had spent every single day since then berating himself. He wanted to explain that he had made a horrible mistake and to beg for a second chance.
But the harsh confirmation that Kurt didn't trust him anymore hit Blaine so hard that he couldn't remember any of those things.
"I was stupid to come back," Kurt said, starting to back away as tears filled his eyes. "Rachel was right. This isn't home anymore."
Blaine had an intense moment of déjà vu as Kurt hurried away and Blaine was frozen with grief.
Only, this time, there was nothing to justify running after Kurt except his own shattered emotions. Kurt didn't want to hear anything he had to say.
Kurt didn't trust him.
They were really broken up.
The kind of broken up that Blaine might not be able to fix.
Do you know how much I wanted to have Blaine run after Kurt (and Rachel) after Kurt told him he didn't trust him anymore? They need to talk about it, not talk at each other about it in short sentences. (Although I really liked Kurt's little speech... glad he got to say that to Blaine because broken trust is really THE issue here.) But, sadly, Blaine says in the next episode that Kurt won't hear anything that he has to say, so they clearly didn't continue talking. Overly-dramatic sigh.
I hope you're all having a great evening/day! LOVE.
Up next... 4x07: Dynamic Duets!