Now it's Christmas in the Glee universe! Christmas always has nice things in store for Kurt and Blaine...
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
BLAINE
A few days before Christmas, Blaine was sitting at the piano in the choir room, trying to whittle down his list of potential audition songs for NYADA, when his phone rang. He leaned forward to glance at it on top of the piano, and the little screen suddenly had his full attention.
Burt Hummel.
Blaine snatched the phone off the piano and answered it as fast as he could.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Blaine," Burt said. "It's Burt. Burt Hummel."
"Hi," Blaine replied, not sure what to say.
"Uh, where are you right now?" Burt asked.
"At school," Blaine explained. "I wanted to use the piano in the choir room."
He had convinced Principal Figgins that, as student body president, he needed a key to the school. So, he could come and go as he pleased, even though the school was closed for winter break.
"Mind if I come over so we can talk in person?" Burt asked.
"Um, sure," Blaine agreed. "Okay."
"See you soon," Burt said.
"Bye," Blaine managed to say before Burt hung up.
Blaine tried to concentrate on his song choices in the seemingly endless stretch of time between the call and when Burt arrived, but his brain kept returning to the fact that Burt was on his way over. Why?
A knock on the doorframe and Burt's voice reached him simultaneously. "Blaine?"
"Hi!" Blaine gasped, standing up so quickly that he slammed the top of his knee on the underside of the piano. He ended up perched awkwardly on the end of the piano bench, rubbing his knee as Burt walked into the room.
"You okay?" Burt asked, trying not to laugh as he gestured at Blaine's knee.
"Oh, yeah," Blaine replied quickly. Blaine hadn't seen Kurt's father since before their breakup, even in passing, so Burt's sudden presence made Blaine incredibly nervous.
"Good," Burt replied as Blaine stared at him, trying to figure out why Burt wanted to see him. Was something wrong?
"Is... is Kurt okay?" Blaine asked tentatively.
"Yes," Burt answered, but he didn't sound as sure as Blaine expected. Blaine braced himself for a lecture as Burt's expression turned serious.
"Relax, Anderson," Burt teased as he grabbed a chair and dragged it over so he could sit down in front of Blaine. "I'm not here to give you a hard time."
Blaine nodded as Burt settled into his chair.
"I hear you and Kurt are talking again," Burt said.
"Friends," Blaine clarified carefully.
Burt smiled. "That's good. He misses you. Hell, we all miss you."
"I'm sorry," Blaine said quietly. Ever since Sam had convinced him to stay at McKinley and Kurt had agreed to give their friendship a second chance, Blaine had been able to see the light at the end of the dark emotional tunnel that he had been stuck in since Kurt had left for New York. But he was sure that the shame of what he had done would live inside him forever.
He wasn't sure if Burt knew about the infidelity. Blaine's parents didn't know. They knew that Blaine and Kurt had broken up, but Blaine had told them it was about the distance and growing apart. He couldn't bring himself to tell his parents that he had cheated on the boy he loved.
"Finn told me... not all the details, of course, but that you've been in a dark place since you got back from New York," Burt said.
"Yeah," Blaine acknowledged sadly, doing everything possible to avoid Burt's eyes.
Burt noticed.
"Look at me, Blaine," he instructed.
Blaine obeyed and was surprised to see nothing but kindness in Burt's expression.
"Kurt needs time," Burt said seriously. "I can't say what he'll want when he finally makes his decision about the two of you, but I know he still loves you very much."
Blaine took a deep breath and blinked a few times to keep his emotions from turning into tears. Burt watched him for a moment before drawing in a long breath of his own.
"There's something I need to tell you, Blaine," Burt said. "And something I want to ask you. A favor."
Blaine nodded.
"Will you come to New York with me to surprise my son for Christmas?"
Blaine's heart rate accelerated as Burt finished his sentence and looked to Blaine for an answer. Why did Burt want to bring him along? Was surprising Kurt a good idea after what had happened the last time Blaine had been in New York? What was going on?
Burt absorbed the confusion on Blaine's face and his expression softened.
"I've got cancer," Burt explained.
Blaine felt as if ice had been injected into his veins. "I– I–" Blaine tried to find the right words to say. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he managed.
"Me too," Burt agreed. "But there's a good chance I'll be fine, so no pity, okay? Look..." Burt leaned forward in his chair. "If there's one thing I know, it's that you never regret spending time with people you love. And, no matter if you're friends or boyfriends, Kurt loves you. He's trying to pretend that he's fine with spending Christmas all alone in New York this year, but I know how much he was looking forward to being home. And how much he wanted to see you. So, I talked to Carole, and I want to bring home to my son since he can't get himself home."
"Okay," Blaine agreed without thinking.
Burt nodded, and Blaine suddenly felt lightheaded with nerves and excitement. He was going to get to see Kurt at Christmastime after all. In New York.
"Well," Burt said, pulling a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, "here's your ticket."
"My...?" Blaine took the paper from him and looked at the plane ticket with his name on it. They arrived in New York late on the 23rd of December.
"I knew you'd agree," Burt said, not bothering to hide a knowing smile. "I already asked your parents, too, so as long as you're game..."
"My parents?" Blaine gasped.
"Relax!" Burt laughed, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. "I just told them I thought Kurt would like to see you and they agreed."
Blaine could feel his face burning with shame as he thought about Burt talking to his parents. He stared down at the ticket in his hands, trying to comprehend the previous few minutes. Burt had cancer and wanted to go to New York to surprise Kurt. And he wanted Blaine to go with him.
"I don't know what to say," he admitted.
"You've already said 'yes', which is the important part," Burt teased. "You don't have to say anything. Just, maybe... think about what you want to say to Kurt."
"I will," Blaine nodded, standing up as Burt did. He stuck his arm out and Burt shook his hand. "Thank you, Mr. Hummel. Thank you so much."
As soon as Burt was out of the room, Blaine pumped his fists triumphantly. He was going to New York to see Kurt for Christmas.
They had planned to get coffee together when Kurt was home over winter break, but Kurt's NYADA acceptance had forced Kurt to save his money even more than usual and he had decided to stay in New York rather than pay to fly home. It made sense, but Blaine had been devastated when Kurt had texted him to tell him the change in plans.
Blaine was extremely excited to get a second chance at seeing Kurt.
But his excitement was overshadowed by Burt's news. Cancer.
They talked about it on the flight to New York on the day before Christmas Eve. Burt explained more about the type of cancer he had and the treatment plan his doctor had recommended. Blaine was glad to hear that the prognosis was good, and he tried to be as encouraging as possible.
The conversation shifted to other things. New Directions' surprise loss at Sectionals. How much Blaine (and Carole and Burt) enjoyed having Finn around again. The few times Burt and Mr. Schu had run into each other when Mr. Schu had been in Washington DC on the arts curriculum panel.
A comfortable silence settled between them, eventually, but not for long.
"Blaine," Burt said, and Blaine was immediately on edge as he heard the seriousness in Burt's voice, "I've been toying with whether or not I want to say this, but I think I need to. I can sorta feel you bracing for it every time I open my mouth, anyway, so maybe it's best to just get it over with."
Blaine dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap and didn't respond.
"I know why you and Kurt broke up," Burt said as Blaine's face burned with shame. "And I'm not gonna pretend I'm happy about it."
Blaine couldn't move.
"But I know this," Burt said, his voice a little softer. "It takes a lot of courage to step up and admit that you did something wrong. That you made a mistake. Especially when you know what it's gonna cost you."
He paused, and Blaine knew he was waiting for Blaine to look at him.
"Blaine," Burt pressed.
Blaine huffed out a nervous breath and turned to look at Kurt's father.
"You're a good kid, Blaine," Burt said. "You did a dumb thing and you're trying to figure out how to make up for it, and I respect that. But, I just have to say, as a father; as Kurt's father... never again."
Blaine shook his head in agreement.
"That wasn't so bad, right?" Burt teased. Blaine rubbed his face with one hand, embarrassed, and Burt reached over to shake Blaine's shoulder.
"Thank you for not hating me," Blaine said as he let his hand fall into his lap.
"I certainly don't hate you," Burt agreed. "And Kurt doesn't either. You wait and see how his face is gonna light up when he sees you, and I think you'll know how he feels."
BLAINE
They spent the night in a hotel in Manhattan, and Burt prepared to leave for Bushwick in the late morning on Christmas Eve.
"Alright," Burt said, pausing by the door to look back at Blaine, "you sure you're gonna be okay by yourself until tonight?"
"Yes, sir," Blaine nodded. He was incredibly nervous to set out into such a huge city by himself, but it went hand-in-hand with a large dose of excitement, too.
"I'm gonna try to have him to Bryant Park by... eleven-ish?" Burt reminded him. "I'll keep you up to date with texts and stuff, but that's the general plan. Sound good?"
"Sounds perfect," Blaine agreed. "Thank you so much."
Burt smiled fondly. "Kurt's gonna flip," he laughed. "See you tonight, Blaine. Happy Christmas Eve."
"You, too," Blaine waved. "See you tonight."
Once he was alone in the hotel room, Blaine sprawled out on his stomach on his bed and studied a New York City map on his phone.
He wanted to go to NYADA and explore the campus. He wanted to see Central Park and Grand Central Station and Times Square. He knew he wouldn't have time for the Statue of Liberty on this trip, which was okay with him. He secretly hoped that, one day, he and Kurt could take the ferry to Liberty Island together.
Luckily, there wasn't any snow on the ground, but it was incredibly cold. Blaine was glad that he had brought his warmest jacket and scarf as he stepped out of the hotel into the freezing cold of Christmas Eve in New York City.
KURT
"I'm not going home, Rachel," Kurt reiterated as Rachel packed her suitcase to go on a cruise with her dads and tried to convince Kurt to go home to Lima so he wouldn't be alone on Christmas.
"Well, if you're not gonna come to Lima," Rachel allowed, "then my dads and I insist you come with us to the Rosie O'Donnell gay holiday cruise. It's gonna be so much fun! There's even going to be a Jesse Tyler Ferguson lookalike contest."
"Well, in that case, I'm definitely going to have to pass!" Kurt said as Rachel walked over to help him hang a few ornaments on a tiny fake Christmas tree that Kurt had picked up the day before. Burt had sent a box of ornaments – many of their family ornaments – for them to decorate with, but they hadn't wanted to spend money on a real tree this year. So, they had decided to just buy a small, fake tabletop tree and put a few ornaments on it. It was, Kurt thought, a sad sight. He thought he might take it down once Rachel was gone.
"Why?" Rachel whined unhappily.
"Besides," Kurt said, "there's really no reason to go to Lima anyway. My dad and Finn and Carole are visiting Carole's sister in Zanesville and she always has too much eggnog and blacks out. Happy holidays!"
"Well, what about Blaine?" Rachel asked tentatively.
"I talk to him," Kurt reminded her. "But, you know, he knows that I'm saving my money for NYADA now." Kurt was not going to admit to Rachel that he was sad that he wasn't going to see Blaine at Christmas. "And it'll be good to just have some time for myself, you know, and think about things and..."
Someone knocked at the door, interrupting Kurt's attempt to justify spending Christmas by himself. "Can you get that?" Rachel asked, so Kurt wandered over to see who was knocking.
He was surprised when he slid the door open and the person was holding a full-sized Christmas tree. He furrowed his brow and was in the process of wondering if this was what his father had sent as a Christmas present when Burt stepped out from behind the tree.
"Dad!" Kurt gasped, happiness flooding through him as Burt stepped through the doorway and into a hug. "Wha –?"
"Burt?" Rachel realized.
"Season's greetings!" Burt smiled at her.
"Oh my god!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Well, I got a tree," Burt said to Kurt. "You need one?"
"Come in!" Kurt agreed. He was so excited that he could barely speak. His dad was here. In New York. Two days before Christmas.
"Alright, alright! I got it, I got it..." Burt said as he carried the tree into the apartment. "Hey, Kurt? There's a stand sitting outside the door. Will you grab it?"
Kurt stepped into the hallway and picked up the tree stand Burt had brought along before returning to the apartment and closing the door behind him.
"So," Burt surveyed the room, "where do you want it?"
"Yeah, right there's good," Kurt said, motioning to where Burt was already standing by the wall in the living room. Anywhere was perfect, Kurt thought. He couldn't take his eyes off his dad.
"Alright, then!" Burt approved. "Come over here and hold it up for me while I screw it into the base."
Kurt and Rachel hurried over, and they got the tree out of its wrapping and into the base so Burt could screw it in.
"Okay, you can let go now!" Burt told them as he secured the tree to the base. Kurt and Rachel let go of the tree, and it stood on its own.
"Come, let's go look at it," Rachel suggested, and Kurt and Burt followed her across the living room so they could admire the tree.
"Aw, it's perfect!" Rachel whined happily. Kurt had to agree. It was a beautiful tree. Even his small fake tree, still assembled on a table beside their new tree, looked better with the bigger tree in the room.
"Yeah, well, I couldn't imagine you guys celebrating Christmas without a real tree," Burt explained. He turned to Rachel. "You know, his mom used to always buy the tree," Burt remembered. "I would always tell her to wait until I got home from work, but she never could. And then, the first Christmas after his mom died, I totally forgot about it. That is, until I saw little Kurt hanging his own special version of a Christmas ornament on his window shade, Christmas Eve."
"My mom's perfume bottle," Kurt remembered, walking to the box of ornaments to find the glass bottle that they had turned into a holiday ornament. "I always loved the way she smelled."
"So," Burt continued the story as Kurt hung the perfume bottle on their new tree, "I pull him out of bed, I throw a coat on him, I drive straight through a snowstorm right down to the Christmas tree sale. It was the first time he smiled since his mom died."
Kurt remembered that night. When he had realized that morning that his dad had forgotten about Christmas decorations, he had planned to decorate the house for him. But, figuring out how to make his mom's perfume bottle into an ornament had been a struggle for eight year old Kurt, and Burt had figured out what he was doing before he could orchestrate his full plan.
Kurt wondered what his mom would think of his life. He had lived longer without her than with her now, and, sometimes, Kurt felt like he didn't remember her clearly enough. He wished that they could have known each other as adults. That she could've known Rachel. And Blaine.
But, if she were alive, Kurt wouldn't have Carole and Finn in his family. It felt impossible to reconcile wishing that his mom were still alive with how much he loved his step-mother and step-brother.
It didn't really matter, Kurt reminded himself as he looked at his mother's perfume bottle on the tree. She was gone, and no amount of wishing could bring her back. He didn't like to dwell on it.
"No tears on Christmas Eve!" Kurt scolded as he turned around and saw the look on Rachel's face. "This box is full of happy memories, as well. Like our Christmas trip to Dollywood!"
He pulled a Dolly Parton ornament out of the box.
"Oh, yeah," Burt remembered.
"That one, I like," Rachel approved.
"That trip was for me," Kurt explained. "Oh, and this redneck NASCAR trip. That was for you," he said to Burt as he found a racecar ornament in the box.
"Hey, it's still a nice ornament," Burt said as he stood up and took the car ornament from Kurt. "Let's hang 'em!"
Kurt and Burt walked to the new tree and hung their ornaments. Kurt felt warm and more grateful for his father than ever as they took part in one of their family traditions.
"Alright, well, I wish I could stay," Rachel said, "but you can't really be late for a cruise, so..."
"Oh," Burt realized, reaching into his bag to retrieve a small box with a red bow, "oh, hold on... you've got to open this before you go."
"You got me something?" Rachel said, delighted, as he walked over and handed her the present.
"Happy Hanukkah," Burt confirmed. "Merry Christmas."
She pulled a sparkling apple ornament out of the box.
"It's for your first New York holiday season," Burt explained. "You can hang it together."
"Thank you!" Rachel smiled and hugged him.
"And then you can go," Burt allowed as Rachel hurried across the living room to where Kurt was waiting by the tree.
"Aw, Kurt, okay," Rachel said as they found a place for the new ornament, "this is to our very first New York Christmas."
"Yeah," Kurt approved as they secured the ornament and stepped back to look at it. He turned his attention to Rachel. "Hope your cruise is super gay," he smirked.
"It will be," Rachel teased, but her smile turned sentimental as she looked at him.
"Merry Christmas, Kurt," she said, pulling him into a tight hug.
"Merry Christmas," Kurt repeated. "See you next year!"
Rachel laughed as they stepped apart and Burt carried her suitcase to the door. "Have fun, you two!" she grinned before she closed the door behind her.
Once Rachel was gone, Burt pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Kurt.
"Our Christmas present from Carole and Finn," he smiled.
"It's only Christmas Eve," Kurt reminded him as he took the envelope.
"It's a time-sensitive thing," Burt explained, "so you've gotta open it now."
Kurt tore open the envelope and found two tickets inside.
"The Radio City Christmas Spectacular!" Kurt gasped, delighted. "And tonight? Dad!"
"Thank Carole and Finn," Burt laughed. "But mostly Carole."
Kurt pulled out his phone and called her immediately, thanking her for the tickets and for her willingness to let Burt spend Christmas in New York. And then he and Burt went to catch the train into Manhattan. They exchanged stories of New York and Washington DC and Lima over an early dinner and had a fabulous time at the Christmas Spectacular.
"I never thought I'd see this day," Kurt admitted as they left Radio City Music Hall and ventured down the street in the cold early evening air. "Us walking down the streets of New York right after seeing a live Broadway musical..."
"Well, the Rockettes might have better legs than me," Burt teased, "but they can't touch my Single Ladies performance."
"That was the best musical I've ever seen," Kurt laughed.
"It's freezing!" Burt said. "I think it's time to check off another Hummel family tradition. Hot chocolate."
Kurt smiled his agreement, and they found a diner nearby where they could get hot chocolate and a plate of fries to share.
"This looks delicious," Kurt commented happily as their food arrived. "Thanks for all of this, Dad."
Burt held up his hot chocolate mug, and Kurt clinked their mugs together.
"Look, Kurt," Burt said as they set their mugs down. "I have something to tell you. And I came here because it's the kind of thing I wanted to tell you face-to-face."
"Don't like the sound of that," Kurt admitted.
"Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it because there's no... good way to say it," Burt continued. "Uh... I have prostate cancer."
Kurt's appetite disappeared as the sick realization of cancer settled into his stomach in its place.
"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Kurt said as he dropped his gaze to his mug of hot chocolate. His father had cancer. That's why he had come to New York. To tell Kurt in person.
"No, no, hey," Burt responded. "Hey, look at me. Do I look like a guy who's dying? We caught it early. Local stage, no spreading. Cure rate's nearly a hundred percent."
"For healthy people, Dad!" Kurt scolded as Burt grabbed a fry off their shared plate. "You've already had a heart attack!"
"The heart attack is what made me get checkups twice a year," Burt explained.
"It's just really scary," Kurt tried to put his feelings into words, "to think that, when I finally reach my destiny, that you won't be around to see it."
"Hey," Burt said, reaching out to put his hand on Kurt's back. "I will be there. I promise."
They looked at each other, and Kurt could see the conviction in his father's eyes. But they both knew that it wasn't a promise Burt could make.
Kurt sighed as Burt removed his hand from his back. Everything felt different, suddenly. The important things felt more important, and the not-so-important things felt trivial. Kurt wasn't sure what he could do to help his father other than to remain calm and to take care of him as much as he could from far away in New York.
"Look, can I just give you one piece of advice?" Burt broke into Kurt's thoughts. "While we're still talking father to son?"
Kurt gave him silent permission.
"This is three times I've had to stare death in the eye," Burt said. "And you know the one thing I took away from all that? You've got to hold the people you love close to you, no matter what."
Kurt offered a small smile and reached out to put his hand over his father's on the table.
He knew that Burt was talking about Blaine. And, if Kurt was honest, he wanted Blaine more now than ever. He wanted to call Blaine and tell him that nothing mattered except their love.
But it wasn't true. Other things did matter. Like the broken trust between them.
Still, Kurt briefly considered calling Blaine and begging him to fly to New York so they could see each other and talk like they planned.
"Let's go home," he said to Burt, instead. "Back to the apartment. The tree still needs more ornaments."
BLAINE
Blaine wandered around NYADA's campus for an hour, soaking in the atmosphere and the architecture. Most of the buildings were locked for the winter holiday, but there were plenty of windows to look through and plenty of outdoor space to explore. By the time he decided he should probably head to Times Square or risk having to skip it, Blaine knew he would fit in at NYADA. It felt right.
Unfortunately, the happiness of that realization was quickly dampened when Blaine accidentally walked past Callbacks on the way to the subway station.
Memories of that night – the emotions, the song, the moment he confessed and everything changed between him and Kurt – flooded through Blaine's mind, but he forced himself to stop outside the bar and look in through the window. The bar had just opened, but there were already a few people inside. A girl was playing the piano, but wasn't singing, and Blaine stood there and watched her for a few minutes until someone noticed him and waved. Blaine ducked his head apologetically and turned and walked away.
He had been trying to avoid thinking too much about what might happen when Kurt saw him. But now, with the image of Callbacks fresh in his mind, it was all Blaine could think about.
He wandered around Times Square, taking a few photos on his phone and marveling at everything around him, but his mind was also whirling through potential scenarios. Would Kurt be happy to see him? They had been talking some, and texting quite a bit, since Thanksgiving. And Kurt had planned to see him in Lima over Christmas before he knew that he would be staying in New York. But Blaine was nervous that his surprise appearance – so immediately after the news of Burt's cancer – might not be a good thing in Kurt's mind.
Once he was so cold that he couldn't feel his face or his fingers or toes, Blaine ate at McDonalds and then just sat there and let his mind run away with him to kill time in a place with heat.
As anxious as he was, there were also exaggeratedly positive scenarios in his mind. Maybe Kurt would be ready to start again. Maybe he would see Blaine and run over and throw his arms around Blaine's neck and kiss him until neither of them could breathe.
Blaine shook his head and rubbed his face. That wasn't going to happen. At best, Kurt would be happy to see him. But this trip wasn't about rekindling their romance. It was about making sure that Kurt had a nice Christmas with his father and his best friend.
KURT
When they returned to the apartment, Kurt and Burt finished decorating the new tree before Burt settled into a chair in the living room and Kurt made himself some tea.
"Dad, you okay?" Kurt asked from the kitchen. "Do you need a pillow or tea? Water?"
"No, Kurt... stop, come on," Burt scolded. "Let's focus on happy things. Like our Christmas traditions."
Kurt walked into the living room to sit on the couch near Burt.
"I am looking forward to watching basketball on Christmas Day while you pretend you watch with me," Burt said.
"You mean when I secretly read Vogue?" Kurt remembered.
"It was never a secret," Burt teased. "No, like our other Christmas traditions," Burt continued his list of happy things. "Like on Christmas Eve, where we each exchange one gift."
"My favorite part," Kurt admitted, knowing that Burt had seen the gift bag Kurt had placed under the small table beside the couch. "Alright, you first!"
"I saw that," Burt laughed as Kurt grabbed the bag and handed it to him.
It was a new baseball hat with "NYADA" embroidered on the front.
"Nice!" Burt approved as he removed his old hat and put the NYADA hat on, instead.
"I know it's cheesy," Kurt admitted, "but I thought you'd like it."
"Screw cheesy," Burt announced. "I love it! In Mexico they would call me Señor Queso."
He reached into the bag again and pulled out the second half of the present: a grey NYADA shirt.
"Aw, man... I love it, man," Burt smiled as he held the shirt up to his body. "You're gonna kick ass at that school," Burt said confidently.
"That's the plan," Kurt said softly, looking at his hands. He didn't want to think about that yet. He was so nervous.
"Alright, my turn," Kurt said instead, hoping to distract himself.
"Okay, so, my gift to you is really big," Burt said. "It's too big to put under the tree."
"Curiosity peaked," Kurt admitted.
"Okay, so, you can pick it up at this address," Burt said, handing Kurt a slip of paper, "and, you know, if you don't like it... you can return it."
Kurt looked at his father and Burt just stared back at him.
"Right now?" Kurt realized.
"Yup," Burt said happily.
Kurt blinked a few times and folded open the little strip of paper to read the address.
"This is in Manhattan, right?" Kurt gasped. "Dad, it's late... I'll just go –"
"Nope," Burt interrupted. "You'll go now. Tomorrow, it'll be too late."
"Too late?" Kurt said, completely baffled.
"Too late," Burt confirmed.
An excited giggle bubbled up from inside Kurt, and he shook his head in amusement as he stood up. "Okay then, let's go."
They bundled up and took the train to Manhattan. Kurt spent the entire ride trying to pry details from his father, but Burt was calm and unwilling to give even the smallest of hints. Was it an exhibit at a museum? Maybe. Was it fireworks? Perhaps. Why was it available so late at night but not the next morning? Wait and see.
Then, in what felt like a stroke of genius, Kurt put the address into his phone to see if the location offered any clues.
Bryant Park.
Was it a Christmas lights display? Possibly. Was it a late-night street fair? Maybe. Was it something he could take home with him? No comment.
As they finally emerged onto the streets of Manhattan through Grand Central Terminal, Burt tugged on Kurt's arm.
"You go on," he said. "I'll meet you there."
"What?" Kurt gasped. "How am I supposed to know...?"
"You'll know," Burt said cryptically.
Kurt narrowed his eyes, trying to look as stubborn as possible.
"It's that way," Burt offered, sweeping his arm out to point in the direction of Bryant Park.
"Don't look so pleased with yourself," Kurt pouted. "I may not like it."
"Maybe not," Burt acknowledged, but the smile on his face suggested that he thought otherwise.
Kurt drew in a deep breath and turned and walked away.
He spent the short walk trying to figure out what could possibly be waiting for him in Bryant Park at close to eleven thirty at night on Christmas Eve. Something he would recognize as his present.
BLAINE
Blaine was glad he had a wristwatch as he skated slowly around the rink in Bryant Park, because, otherwise, he knew he would have worn his phone battery out checking the time as he waited for Kurt to arrive. Burt had texted him to say that they were on their way. Kurt would arrive any minute.
Blaine was nervous.
What if Kurt was upset? Blaine's sudden appearance would definitely bring up memories of the last time Blaine had surprised him in New York, and that had ended with Blaine's crushing confession. Or, what if Kurt had decided that he didn't actually want to see Blaine? What if Kurt had been secretly relieved that he couldn't return to Lima for Christmas because he had changed his mind about getting together to talk? Maybe Kurt had decided that he was going to move on and this was all going to end horribly.
As Blaine scanned the crowd for any sign of Kurt, he reminded himself that Burt was sure that Kurt would be happy to see him. Blaine had to trust that Kurt meant it when he said he wanted them to be friends again.
Despite his anxiety about how Kurt was going to feel when they saw each other, Blaine was incredibly eager to see Kurt. They hadn't seen each other since Kurt had opened up to the possibility of rekindling their friendship, and Blaine wondered how things would feel between them. Would Kurt be comfortable with Blaine around?
Suddenly, he saw Kurt approaching through the crowd, and all the questions and worries melted away and were replaced by a surge of happiness and anticipation.
Kurt looked confused as he reached the area beside the skating rink and twisted around, looking for some clue that would explain why Burt had sent him to this location. Blaine skated over to the edge of the rink and leaned on the wall.
"Package for Kurt Hummel!" he called.
At the sound of his name, Kurt spun around and his eyes fell on Blaine.
"Blaine?" he gasped. He looked confused and surprised and delighted as he stuffed a small piece of paper into his pocket and hurried over.
"Surprise!" Blaine teased, throwing his arms out. "Your dad called me out of the blue and wanted to fly me out here just so I could see that look on your face. And it's pretty priceless."
KURT
Kurt was so surprised by Blaine's sudden appearance that he couldn't think of what to say.
"Actually," Blaine clarified, "he told me everything. And I promise I'll keep an eye on him for you."
A little of Kurt's enthusiasm waned at the suggestion. Part of him liked the idea of Blaine being there for his father, but another part of him wasn't sure. They weren't together anymore. Should their lives still be so connected? And, despite knowing that it was absolutely ridiculous, Kurt felt a tiny stab of jealousy that Blaine would be around his father and Kurt wouldn't.
"B-but the reason why I'm here," Blaine said, sensing Kurt's small hesitation, "is because he didn't want us to miss out on another important holiday tradition."
"Our Christmas duet," Kurt realized.
Blaine looked at him for a moment, and his eagerness faltered slightly.
"You are happy to see me," Blaine wondered, "right?"
Kurt's heart felt heavy in his chest as he saw the doubt and the hope in Blaine's eyes.
"Yeah," he said, trying to reassure Blaine that he would always be glad to see him. "Yeah. Always."
Blaine didn't look completely convinced, but he looked like he decided to believe Kurt for now. "Well, come on, get your skates on!" Blaine teased, motioning at the area where you could rent ice skates. "It's almost midnight, hurry up!"
They skated together for almost half an hour, singing along to the various holiday songs that blared through speakers around the rink, before the cold got to them and they took off their skates and found some hot chocolate.
"Listen, hey!" Blaine said as the bells of a nearby clock tower rang out the time. "It's midnight. It's Christmas!"
"Officially," Kurt agreed as they paused near the skating rink.
They looked at each other for a moment, and Kurt had to admit to himself that he was even happier than he had anticipated he would be seeing Blaine. It felt good for things to be more relaxed between them again, even if there were little moments of awkward there, too. It felt like meeting a long lost friend who you had known for years but had lost touch with until recently.
Blaine's eyes took on a slightly more intense atmosphere as he studied Kurt's face. "No matter what," he said solemnly, "no matter where, even if we're not... together... we're always going to be there for each other."
It was a declaration and a question. Kurt immediately reached out and drew Blaine into a hug, grateful for Blaine's love. They weren't together, and Kurt wasn't sure yet if he wanted them to be together again in the future, but Kurt had missed his best friend.
"Yeah," he said softly to make sure Blaine understood the gesture. He felt Blaine's hand on his back, squeezing him tightly, and he realized that this was the first time they had touched since their breakup. Blaine's body language said that he knew it, too.
Someone cleared their throat behind Kurt, and Blaine pulled quickly out of the hug as Kurt turned to see Burt standing there. Blaine wiped quickly at his eyes as Kurt pretended to scowl at his father.
"Surprise?" Burt teased.
"Yeah," Kurt agreed, walking over to hug Burt. "Thank you, Dad."
"Well," Burt said, glancing at Blaine and then turning his eyes back to Kurt. "I'm an old man who can't stay out in the cold as long as the two of you. Let's get back to where it's warm!"
BLAINE
They stopped by the hotel Burt and Blaine had been staying at to get Blaine's things and check out before taking a taxi back to Kurt's apartment.
Walking through the door to the apartment was a heavy moment for Blaine and, he could tell, for Kurt. They hadn't been here together since the moment when Kurt had asked Blaine to leave after their breakup.
"I'll sleep on the couch," Blaine said immediately.
"You can sleep in Rachel's bed, Dad," Kurt agreed. "I'll get some fresh sheets."
Burt decided to take a quick shower before bed, so Blaine helped Kurt put clean sheets on Rachel's bed before accepting a pillow and two blankets – "the windows are pathetically thin, so it might be kinda cold" – from Kurt so he could sleep on the couch.
"Um," Blaine reached out with his voice as Kurt prepared to walk away into his room, "Kurt?"
Kurt stopped and turned around.
"Thank you," Blaine said softly, unhappy with himself when tears sprung to his eyes despite his best attempt to keep them at bay.
"I told you we were going to see each other at Christmas," Kurt teased gently.
Blaine felt like his body was turning to mush as Kurt smiled at him. A real smile. Not guarded or angry or anything but happy.
"Oh!" he remembered, putting a hand out to ask Kurt to wait. "I have... hold on..."
He rushed over to his bag and pulled out a small envelope that he had tucked safely between the layers of clothing.
"No, no," Kurt protested as Blaine walked over and handed the envelope to him, "I didn't know we were– you didn't– we–"
"Just open it," Blaine encouraged, feeling as flustered as Kurt looked. He suddenly wondered if his gift might be too silly. Should he have brought something with more symbolism?
Kurt met his eyes briefly before giving in to his curiosity and opening the gift.
"Oh my god," he laughed.
"It's a gift certificate," Blaine explained the obvious. "To that bakery down the street that you like so much."
"We always get cake there," Kurt agreed, and Blaine was surprised to hear his voice wobbling with emotion. Kurt lifted tear-filled eyes to look at Blaine. "Thank you."
Blaine wanted to hug him so badly that he took an involuntary half-step forward and ended up too close. Both he and Kurt laughed nervously, and Blaine felt his face heating up as he quickly stepped back.
"Merry Christmas, Blaine," Kurt said, his eyes twinkling and his cheeks red with uncertainty.
"Merry Christmas, Kurt," Blaine agreed as Kurt turned and disappeared through the curtain into his room.
KURT
The next day was casual and pleasant and everything that Kurt had imagined he would miss when he had imagined spending Christmas alone. Kurt took his father along to a store nearby to get a few things to make dinner while Blaine started preparing the food they already had. Carole and Finn called via Skype for a few minutes. Rachel texted Kurt a photograph of herself surrounded by the men of the Jesse Tyler Ferguson lookalike contest, and he showed Burt and Blaine so they could all roar with laughter together. And, once the food was in the oven or waiting, ready, in the fridge, Kurt, Blaine, and Burt sat down on the couch to watch basketball.
Kurt noticed that Burt ended up sitting between him and Blaine. He wasn't sure if that had been Burt's idea or Blaine's, but he didn't mind. It would probably only be confusing to sit so close to Blaine for an extended period of time.
"So," Kurt asked as he grabbed a glass of water and a napkin for his father before joining Burt and Blaine on the couch, "who's winning?
"Celtics," both Blaine and Burt informed him.
The three of them felt silent, and Kurt tried to decide if he wanted to watch the game or read a magazine. He wasn't interested in basketball, but his dad's teasing from earlier in the afternoon about always reading a magazine during Christmas basketball was still on his mind. He knew his father didn't mind, but part of Kurt wanted to prove him wrong.
But he really didn't want to watch the game.
"Okay," Kurt said, giving up and reaching for a magazine, "I tried.
Burt aww'd in triumph while Blaine aww'd in dismay.
"Twenty seconds," Burt said. "Pay up, Anderson. You may have dated him, but I raised him! I know my son."
Kurt didn't give either of them the satisfaction of commenting on their apparent bet. Blaine handed Burt five dollars.
"You couldn't have just toughed it out for just a few more seconds, Kurt?" Blaine teased. "A few more seconds."
Kurt shook his head slightly, more in disapproval than anything.
"So," Burt said, turning his attention to Blaine, "graduating? Plans for the future?"
"Uh, well," Blaine said, "I haven't talked about this with Kurt –"
Kurt looked up from his magazine to find Blaine looking at him.
"– and I wouldn't do anything to make him uncomfortable," Blaine added, turning his gaze back to Burt, "but I was thinking about applying to NYADA."
For Kurt, it wasn't a surprise announcement. He knew that Blaine wanted to be a performer, and NYADA was the top musical theater program in the country. But he wasn't sure how he felt about the idea of being classmates with Blaine again now that he and Blaine were no longer together.
"Would that be okay?" Blaine asked, turning to look at Kurt again.
He wasn't asking for permission, and there was something in Blaine's eyes that made Kurt pause. Confidence. With only a hint of hesitation. Kurt felt like the question was a test, somehow.
"I think that'd be great," Kurt reassured him.
It was the answer Blaine was looking for. "Me too," he said, nodding slightly as he tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth.
As Blaine and Burt turned their attention back to the basketball game – chatting casually about the teams and how the game was progressing – Kurt thought about what would happen if Blaine got into NYADA.
They would see each other all the time. Blaine would only be a semester behind Kurt, so they could even have some of the same classes.
The idea appealed to Kurt more than he wanted it to. It had been their dream before they broke up; ever since Kurt had traveled to New York with New Directions when he and Blaine had been newly in love, they had planned to be in the city together. To live and go to college together in New York.
And it was so comfortable having Blaine around again. Two months of not talking and bitter emotions and anguish had turned into casual conversation and friendly affection and lingering doubt.
The lingering doubt was always there in the back of Kurt's mind. Of course Blaine was easy to be around. He had always been easy to be around. Of course their conversation flowed easily. They had been best friends for more than two years; inseparable boyfriends for most of that time. But Blaine had cheated. Wasn't that supposed to overshadow everything?
BLAINE
When the basketball game ended, Kurt put on a Christmas record and instructed Burt to rest on the sofa while he and Blaine set the table and finished preparing dinner.
Blaine was so glad he had come with Burt to New York.
He had worried that things would be strange with Kurt. That, somehow, the spark they had always shared would be gone. But it was still there. Kurt was more reserved than he had been when they were dating, but they still had a connection. Blaine could feel it, and he knew Kurt could feel it, too. Kurt was still holding back, still harboring pain from what Blaine had done, but Blaine felt more confident than ever that things would, eventually, work out between them. His best friend was still with him. His boyfriend just needed a little more coaxing before he was ready to love Blaine again.
Blaine sang along to the record as it filled the room with music and couldn't stop watching Kurt as they finished preparing the meal. This was the kind of warm, loving situation he had thought might be lost forever after his breakup with Kurt.
"Through the years, we all will be together. If the fates allow. Hang a shining star upon the highest bow and have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
Kurt walked over and took the magazine that Burt was reading out of his hands, motioning for him to come eat. Blaine pulled out a chair for him before he and Kurt joined Burt at the table.
They ate and chatted, about their lives and the state of the world and about holiday traditions and their plans for New Year's Eve. Kurt was going to attend a party with Isabelle and his Vogue dot com co-workers. Blaine and Burt would be back in Lima; Burt joked that he would probably be asleep well before midnight, and Blaine wasn't sure what he was going to do. He thought he might see if Sam had plans.
It was the best Christmas dinner Blaine had ever been a part of.
KURT
As dinner wound down, Blaine's phone vibrated.
"It might be my parents... yeah..." he said apologetically as he looked at the small screen. "Excuse me, please."
"Hello?" he answered as he stood up and offered an apologetic shrug. "Yeah... Merry Christmas, Mom. Yes, it's– yes. I am."
He slid the apartment door open and retreated to the hallway to talk to his parents.
As soon as the door slid shut behind him and all Kurt and Burt could hear was the muffled sound of Blaine's voice, Burt reached out with his foot and nudged Kurt's leg.
"You happy?" he asked.
"Of course I'm happy," Kurt answered with a short laugh. "Do you know what I would be doing at this very moment if you hadn't come? I'd be lying on the couch in my pajamas reading a magazine and imagining what everyone else was doing to celebrate. This?" Kurt motioned around. "This is the best Christmas I've ever had."
Burt's answering smile was huge, but, as they fell silent and listened to Blaine's voice from the hallway, Burt stared at Kurt just long enough that Kurt knew he wanted to say something. Kurt raised an eyebrow, silently urging his father to say what was on his mind.
"Are you glad I brought him?" Burt asked seriously.
Kurt hesitated. Things with Blaine were so complicated. But was he glad that Blaine had come for Christmas?
"Yes," Kurt replied.
"I thought having him around might, you know," Burt shrugged, "help ease the blow of what's going on with me. I didn't want this Christmas to be all about cancer."
"Thanks, Dad," Kurt said, offering his father what he hoped was an upbeat grin. It was nice to have Blaine around, but Burt's cancer was never far from Kurt's mind.
"So," Burt said, "what's the –"
"Overstepping," Kurt warned.
"Okay," Burt allowed, smiling again. "I'm just happy that you're happy."
"I am," Kurt said.
"He's happy too," Burt said, as if he couldn't help himself. "Happy to be here."
Kurt took a deliberate sip of his drink, hoping to signal that he wasn't interested in a father-son talk about his relationship with Blaine, but he was spared by the sound of the door sliding open.
"Sorry," Blaine said as he reappeared. "She wanted to know everything we've been up to and I didn't want you to have to sit quietly and listen to me ramble."
"How're your parents?" Burt asked.
"They're good," Blaine said as he sat down. "They wanted me to tell you guys 'Merry Christmas' from them."
"And Cooper?" Kurt couldn't resist asking. Blaine turned and met his gaze, and Kurt was happy to see a sparkle in Blaine's eyes.
"Haven't heard from him yet," he said. "He's probably at some fancy party or something."
Kurt hummed in agreement, and he didn't miss the way Blaine's eyes lingered on his face as he stood up to start clearing dinner off the table.
KURT
When Kurt emerged from his bedroom the next morning, Blaine was already dressed and was pouring himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen.
As he looked at Blaine's back, Kurt felt a sudden urge to sneak over and wrap his arms around Blaine's waist, but he shoved the feeling away. That would only complicate things. Kurt wasn't sure yet if he could allow himself to be that casual and open with Blaine again.
"Morning," Kurt mumbled instead, rubbing his eyes and feeling grateful that he knew Blaine well enough to be able to shuffle past him in his pajamas without feeling embarrassed.
"Hey," Blaine smiled.
Kurt moved on to the bathroom and returned to his bedroom to get dressed, and when he emerged from his room for the second time that morning he felt much more awake. Blaine was sitting on the couch – drinking his coffee and looking at something on his phone – but he glanced up as Kurt walked into his line of sight.
Blaine didn't have to say anything for Kurt to know why he had been up first. Blaine wanted to be awake in case Kurt wanted to talk.
"I was going to go and get some breakfast, but I wasn't sure what your dad would want," Blaine explained as Kurt walked to the kitchen.
Kurt hesitated, but he knew that they had to have a serious talk at some point. And his father and Blaine were leaving in a few hours. There was no more time to put it off.
"Want to go out for breakfast?" Kurt asked, turning around to look at Blaine.
"Sure," Blaine agreed immediately. He stood up and slipped his phone into his pocket.
"We'll bring something back for my dad," Kurt decided, rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen to find a small notepad and a pen. He scrawled a short note for his father – Out to breakfast with Blaine. Back soon. Will bring food. – and then led the way out the door and down the stairs to the street.
They chatted about insignificant things as they walked quickly through the cold to a small diner that Kurt and Rachel had discovered soon after moving into their apartment.
"They make great coffee," Kurt pointed out as they sat down at a small table in the corner.
"Mmm," Blaine hummed appreciatively.
"In case one cup this morning wasn't enough," Kurt teased.
"Never!" Blaine gasped.
They both laughed, and Kurt wished that they didn't have to talk about serious things. Since they had reignited their friendship, Kurt had found himself thinking fondly of Blaine more often than he thought negatively of him, and he didn't want that to change. He liked Blaine. Talking about what had happened was going to dredge up ugly emotions.
They ordered their coffee from a young waitress Kurt didn't recognize and a loaded silence fell between them as she walked away.
"I miss you," Blaine finally admitted, his face and voice full of sadness.
"I know," Kurt acknowledged, reminding himself not to say anything without thinking first. "I miss you, too. But it's hard for me to imagine... us again. Because of what happened."
"Because of what I did," Blaine corrected. "It's okay, Kurt. And I know I'm a broken record, but I am so, so sorry."
"I never thought this would happen," Kurt admitted. "Especially after last year with Chandler. I know this is going to sound really harsh, but I don't feel like I really know you anymore. The Blaine I love... he wouldn't..."
Kurt had to stop to think and reign in his emotions, and when he risked a glance at Blaine he saw tears in the other boy's eyes.
"I'm never going to pressure you," Blaine said seriously, his voice only a little wobbly, "but I would relish the chance to show you who I am again."
Kurt nodded.
"And... I'm not going to pretend I want to be 'just friends' forever," Blaine continued, "but if that's what you want..."
Blaine blinked and the tears in his eyes flooded over onto his cheeks. "More than anything, I just want you to know that I'm not that guy," Blaine reached up with both hands and wiped at his eyes. "I did a terrible thing, and I'm going to live with the emotional consequences of that decision for the rest of my life, but I'm not... I don't think..."
It was Kurt's turn to wipe away tears as he interrupted.
"You're not a bad person, Blaine."
Blaine started to really cry then, and he buried his face in his hands in embarrassment as their waitress brought their coffee in to-go cups and quickly departed with a kind, understanding smile at Kurt.
"Sorry," Blaine mumbled, his breath hitching as he reached out and grabbed his coffee to pull it closer.
"It's okay," Kurt said quietly. He grabbed his drink and stood up. "Should we walk instead?"
"Yeah," Blaine agreed.
Blaine insisted on paying for their coffee, and they set off down the sidewalk toward a small park nearby. The silence between them was casual, but Kurt's mind was whirling.
It bothered him that it hurt so much to see all the pain in Blaine's eyes. Part of him wanted to hate Blaine. Blaine had cheated on him. It was on everyone's unforgivable list. On Kurt's unforgivable list. Infidelity. After everything they had been through and all the trust that they had built together, Blaine had slept with someone else. And Kurt was so angry. And so hurt.
But he was also so in love. It still made his heart ache to see the devastation in Blaine's eyes.
It was impossible to imagine Blaine – so loving, brave, and upbeat – being unfaithful. And it was that Blaine who Kurt loved and missed so much. Sometimes he couldn't sleep because his brain wouldn't stop contemplating the idea that he might not ever have that Blaine back in his life because of one terrible, hurtful moment.
It was the decision he had to make. Could he forgive – actually forgive – the moment of infidelity and trust Blaine again? Or was the damage permanent?
"How about..." Kurt suggested as they made it to the edge of the park and found a bench to sit on, "...let's take a break."
There was anguish in Blaine's gaze as he nodded over the rim of his coffee cup, but there was acceptance there, too.
"Take the pressure off," Kurt clarified. "I... I like texting you and keeping in touch. I meant it when I said that you're my best friend. You have been since the day we met."
Blaine nodded again, and Kurt reached out and pulled one of Blaine's gloved hands off his coffee cup so he could squeeze it.
"I feel pressure – not from you, from me – to decide," Kurt explained. "About us. And, somehow, that pressure is making it difficult for me to make a decision. So, for now, can we really just be friends?"
Blaine stared down at their joined hands.
"Just friends," he repeated.
"I'm sorry," Kurt said before he could stop himself.
Blaine's eyes flashed up to meet Kurt's, and the sadness was replaced by gravity.
"Please don't ever feel sorry," Blaine said, his voice strong and steady. "I did this to us."
"I should've realized that I was ignoring you in favor of the exciting things going on in my new life. Just like you worried I would," Kurt admitted his regret. "And I'm not saying that justifies... what happened. But I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Blaine replied softly. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to tell you how alone I felt. I just... I felt empty. Like nothing mattered in my life while everything mattered in yours. I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm so sorry, Kurt."
Kurt swallowed. "Can I... ask something about– you know...?" he managed.
He had to know.
Blaine nodded.
"Who was it?" Kurt asked.
Blaine shook his head, disgusted with himself. "He was a stranger," Blaine confessed. "Someone who I met online who I didn't even know at all."
"I want to know his name," Kurt pressed. He could feel the hysterical anger bubbling to the surface again, and he tried to fight it down. He needed to know.
"Eli," Blaine said.
Something about knowing made the whole situation feel both better and worse for Kurt. It wasn't Sebastian. It wasn't anyone they knew. But was the fact that it was a stranger any better?
"Why didn't you just wait for me?" Kurt asked before he could stop himself. He felt tears burning in his eyes as he saw his pain mirrored in Blaine's eyes. "You were coming in two weeks. You couldn't... wait?"
"I wanted to," Blaine said immediately, his voice unsteady. "I can't even describe how much I was looking forward to visiting you in New York and just wrapping you up in my arms..."
Blaine had to stop to compose himself, and Kurt didn't know how to express what he was feeling so he just waited.
"I felt like you didn't want me anymore," Blaine tried to explain. "And I felt so numb that I just wanted to feel something. It was disgusting. I was disgusted with myself while it was happening and have been disgusted with myself every second since."
Blaine took a sip of his coffee, and Kurt watched him as he continued.
"It didn't make me feel any less alone," he clarified. "It just made me feel more alone than ever because I knew I was going to lose... you."
Kurt reminded himself that he needed to hear this. They had to be honest if they were ever going to be able to trust each other again.
"I..." Kurt said, "I always wanted you. I missed you all the time."
"I'm so sorry," Blaine said miserably.
"But," Kurt allowed, "I knew that I was... neglecting you. Sometimes. Ignoring you in favor of something new and fabulous. I know I'm like that, but I just told myself it was okay because... I don't know why. Because I convinced myself that everything was fine."
"I appreciate you saying that," Blaine said.
They looked at each other and Kurt was glad that they had managed to get through the heavy part of the conversation without losing their tempers.
"Maybe," Kurt offered a gentle smile, "no more apologizing."
"I'm not sure you understand how sorry I am," Blaine admitted, studying Kurt's face as he spoke.
Kurt hesitated. He was pretty sure he did know how sorry Blaine was. It was written all over Blaine's face.
"I planned to transfer back to Dalton," Blaine said suddenly.
"You... excuse me?" Kurt gasped.
Blaine dropped his eyes to their joined hands again and shook his head as he remembered. "Everything at McKinley reminds me of you. And of how I betrayed you and hurt you. And then the Warblers stole our Nationals trophy and I went to get it back... and it felt so good being there."
Kurt clamped his jaw shut to keep from asking if Sebastian had been there.
"So, I decided to transfer back," Blaine confessed, his face flushed with shame and cold. "I cleaned out my locker at McKinley and planned to take the rest of the week off from school all together and then move back to Westerville on Monday."
Kurt was so surprised that he hadn't heard about this that he couldn't think of anything to say.
"Sam..." Blaine paused to take a deep breath, "Sam stopped me. And I realized that I couldn't go. I couldn't run away from my problems again."
"I'm offended that Dalton doesn't make you think of me," Kurt teased, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. Blaine looked completely broken, and Kurt realized that maybe Blaine was right when he said that Kurt didn't know the extent of his sorrow.
Blaine smiled down at their intertwined hands.
"It does," he countered.
They were both silent for a moment, and Kurt thought about their time together at Dalton. When everything had been simple. When they had been newly in love and giggly and flirty and free of all the emotional baggage they carried now.
"Whew," Kurt breathed. "Okay. Is that...it?"
"Is there anything else you want to ask?" Blaine inquired.
Kurt considered it.
"No," he realized. He squeezed Blaine's hand. "Thanks for this," he said, locking eyes with Blaine. "I feel..."
"I know," Blaine agreed. There were tears in his eyes again, but they looked like tears of relief more than tears of pain.
Kurt shivered involuntarily and realized that he hadn't been drinking his coffee. He took a long sip, but the drink wasn't hot enough to warm him up.
"We should go back," Blaine said, wiping the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Your dad's probably waiting for us."
"For the food I promised him in the note, more like it," Kurt teased. He was relieved when Blaine's smile reached his eyes.
Kurt stood up, pulling Blaine off the bench with him before releasing his hand.
"So... are we okay?" Blaine asked tentatively. "Friends?"
"Yes," Kurt concurred. "We're okay. Best friends."
Blaine smiled his approval. "Best friends."
KURT
A few hours later, Blaine and Burt had to leave.
"Okay, well..." Burt cleared his throat as he stood in the doorway of the apartment with his bag at his feet, "I love you, Kurt."
Kurt launched himself forward into his father's arms and closed his eyes as Burt squeezed him in a tight hug.
"I love you, Dad," he managed to choke out through his tears.
As Burt released him, the realization that he might not see his father for months – and that Burt would be dealing with cancer treatment without him – hit Kurt so hard that he suddenly felt frantic and short of breath.
"Make sure you eat well, okay?" he blurted out, trying to think of all the things he would say on a daily basis if he still lived with his dad. "And I'm going to call Carole and demand that she reports back to me about how you're doing so you can't lie when we talk. And don't let the idiots in Congress stress you out because we all know they're just overcompensating for their lack of brains. Maybe you should take some time off, actually. And –"
"Kurt," Burt scolded quietly.
"– I don't want you to go," Kurt admitted miserably.
Burt pulled him into another hug, and Kurt sobbed into his father's chest for what felt like an hour.
"I'm sorry," he moaned unhappily as he finally got himself together enough to feel a little embarrassed. "I'm okay. Please don't worry about me. You need to just focus on getting better..."
"I'm gonna worry about you, Kurt," Burt said simply. "And you're going to worry about me. That's what we do. But both of us are worrying for nothing, because it's all going to be fine."
"Yeah," Kurt agreed, wishing that he could really believe it.
"Alright," Burt said, reaching out to briefly clamp a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Well, you two say goodbye... I'll wait downstairs."
Kurt had completely forgotten about Blaine. As the other boy walked over from wherever he had been waiting in the apartment to stand beside Kurt in the large doorway, Kurt felt a new whirlwind of emotions. They were friends again. Best friends with no expectations except friendship. But it was still so confusing to look at Blaine. Was the warmth he felt when he looked at Blaine real, or was it a remnant of his feelings from before their breakup? Kurt knew he had a lot of soul searching to do before he could decide what role he wanted Blaine to play in his future, but he was sure of one thing. He was glad Burt had decided to bring Blaine along. It had been good to spent time with Blaine and remind himself that Blaine was a nice person. A real person with complicated emotions and intentions.
With a little nod at Blaine, Kurt turned back to his father one more time.
"I love you, Dad," he said.
"Love you, too, Kurt," Burt said, and Kurt was surprised at the twinkle in his father's eyes. Kurt narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and Burt just shrugged and flashed his eyes briefly above Kurt's head before offering a wave goodbye as he turned and walked away down the hallway.
Kurt glanced above his head to see a tiny piece of holly tacked to the top of the doorframe, and he laughed.
"That's not even mistletoe, Dad!" he shouted after Burt's retreating figure.
"Close enough!" Burt called back, sounding incredibly pleased with himself as he disappeared down the stairs.
Kurt rolled his eyes and turned to face Blaine, who was smiling widely. Kurt's stomach fluttered involuntarily.
"I..." Kurt took a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself, "I'm glad you came."
"Me too," Blaine agreed. He turned his head for a moment to look into the apartment, and Kurt knew they were thinking the same thing. This was a much better visit – a much better parting – than the first time Blaine had come to New York.
"Good luck applying to NYADA," Kurt said. "Let me know if you need song or costume suggestions."
Blaine smiled. "I will," he agreed. "Good luck at NYADA!"
Kurt couldn't stop the huge smile that spread across his face at the reminder. "Thanks," he said.
The ensuing silence hung in the air long enough to feel a little awkward, but Kurt didn't know what else to say. He was feeling extraordinarily emotional, so he didn't trust himself not to pour his innermost thoughts out to Blaine if he opened his mouth again.
Blaine stepped toward him and Kurt's heart stammered in his chest, but Blaine tipped his head at the last moment and placed a gentle kiss on Kurt's cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Kurt," he said softly, and he stepped out into the hallway and was gone.
I loved Kurt and Blaine's dynamic in this episode... very comfortable but also kinda shy or uncertain. As they would be after such a tumultuous few months! When Blaine asked Kurt if he was happy to see him... EMOTIONS. And really spectacular acting from both Darren and Chris, as usual. When Blaine asks Kurt about NYADA there's so much more in his eyes than just that simple question. He wants to know if Kurt wants him around in the future. And he's so pleased when Kurt answers in the affirmative.
And Burt knows what's up. :) I love him. Father of the century, that one.
Up next... 4x11: Sadie Hawkins.