So very sorry about last week, guys! We now return to regularly-scheduled posting. :)
I really like this episode. The "naked" theme is very well done. Physical nakedness. Emotional nakedness. Good job, Glee!
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
KURT
On Sunday morning, Kurt was up early.
He was going on a date.
It took him an hour of sifting through his clothes to decide on an appropriate outfit. He didn't want to look like he was trying too hard, especially when Adam's style was so laid back, but he wanted to look nice. And he had to find something that looked great with his warmest jacket; it was incredibly cold outside.
Brody had stayed at his old apartment the night before to pack and prepare to move his things to Bushwick, so Kurt's only company as he got ready was Rachel. She was overjoyed with the prospect of Kurt's potential new boyfriend.
"I can't believe you won't tell me who he is!" Rachel whined from her seat on the couch as Kurt made sure he had money in his wallet and that his phone was fully charged.
"I don't even know if this is going to go well or if it's going to be a huge disaster," Kurt explained.
"Oh, please," Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course it's going to go well! You look especially handsome today, by the way."
"Thank you," Kurt grinned.
"What's his name?" Rachel pressed.
"Adam," Kurt confessed, unable to reign in his excitement.
"Adam!" Rachel shrieked. "As in... the Adam's Apples?"
"Yes, indeed," Kurt confirmed in a British accent.
"Kurt!" Rachel gasped. "Oh my god."
"If you even think about opening your mouth to say anything negative about Adam's Apples," Kurt threatened, "bad things are going to happen to you. Bad, bad things."
But Rachel looked elated.
"Can we go on a double date?" she asked happily.
"I haven't even gone on a solo date with him yet!" Kurt scolded as he reached for his coat and scarf. He couldn't stop smiling. "But maybe. Eventually."
Rachel squealed with happiness and jumped off the couch so she could hug him and kiss his cheek.
"Good luck!" she beamed at him. "I'm going to be with Brody in Manhattan until at least four o'clock this afternoon, so..."
"That's not happening," Kurt clarified.
"Well, just in case!" Rachel teased. "Now go! Have fun! Bye!"
She all but shoved him out the door, and Kurt was on his way to meet Adam at the train station.
The walk to the station felt twice as long as normal because he was so nervous about being late. To his relief, he arrived a full ten minutes before Adam's train was set to arrive. So he waited.
When Adam finally appeared, his face lit up as he saw Kurt.
"Good morning!" he said cheerfully, jogging the final few steps to where Kurt was standing. "Or it should be 'good afternoon' now, I suppose?"
"Hi," Kurt smiled.
They walked together to a coffee shop that Kurt had passed one day as he explored the neighborhood, but had never visited. It smelled good as they walked through the door. And it was warm. Kurt was surprised at how relaxed he felt. This was his first first date in almost two years. And he had never had a first date quite like this. With someone he barely knew. He and Blaine had been friends first.
The coffee was average, but the conversation was wonderful. It flowed easily, as Kurt told Adam about himself and Adam returned the favor. Kurt learned that Adam had come to NYADA as a sophomore, transferring from a performing arts school in England because he felt stuck as an artist and had wanted a change of scenery. He had started the Adam's Apples immediately upon enrolling at NYADA, and had quickly found a group of students to make up a decent show choir. And, just as quickly, he had realized that many of the other students at NYADA thought he should never have brought show choir to NYADA at all. But it hadn't bothered him, because he enjoyed the Adam's Apples so much.
Kurt told Adam about his family. How his mother had died when he was still a little boy and his father had raised him alone until Kurt had introduced him to Carole and they had fallen in love. He explained, to both of their amusement, his crush on Finn before they were step-brothers. And about the highs and lows of his high school experience.
And Kurt told Adam about Blaine.
He felt like he had to. It was impossible to explain how he survived high school without mentioning Blaine. So, although he was nervous to mention an ex-boyfriend on a first date, he managed to work his relationship with Blaine – the extremely vague version – and their breakup into the conversation without making things awkward.
Adam confessed that he had only ever had one serious boyfriend before, too. They had dated the year before Adam moved to New York and had separated because they realized that they wanted different things out of life. And, much to Kurt's (and Adam's) amusement, Adam told the story of his first – "and only!" he clarified – girlfriend. He had dated a girl for five months when he was fourteen, until he had broken things off with her and had come out.
They were still laughing about it as they wandered back down the street toward the train station so Adam could ride back to Manhattan.
"So, um..." Kurt said as they walked, struggling to keep his voice casual, "do you want to do this again? Sometime."
Adam laughed. "Certainly," he agreed. "I was just working up the nerve to ask you the same, so, clearly, we are well-matched."
Kurt ducked his head, delighted, as they reached the station and Adam grabbed one of Kurt's hands.
"Thanks for this," he smiled.
"Thanks for coming," Kurt said, squeezing Adam's hand. "See you Monday?"
Adam nodded and let go of Kurt's hand, and Kurt watched him walk away until he disappeared through the station doors. Then, Kurt turned and ran the few blocks home to tell Rachel all the details.
BLAINE
Finn called the show choir board early on Monday morning and shared the information Sam and Blaine had gathered about the Warblers' drug use. To Blaine's surprise, the board took the accusation seriously, and, by the time the evening news aired, the Warblers were disqualified from Sectionals.
New Directions is officially headed to Regionals! Blaine texted Kurt as he got ready for bed.
Congratulations! Kurt returned. That was fast!
Yeah, Blaine explained, I guess they went over to Dalton almost immediately after Finn called and did a blood test on a few of the Warblers. The results spoke for themselves.
Blood doping in show choir, Kurt responded, and Blaine imagined him rolling his eyes.
Insane, Blaine agreed. But it's a second chance for us to go to Regionals, so we'll take it! How was your weekend? How's NYADA?
NYADA's growing on me, Kurt replied. Have you heard anything about when you're supposed to audition?
Not yet, Blaine sent back. Trust me... when I know, you'll know.
Kurt responded with an emoticon that was smiling a huge, toothy smile, and Blaine smiled with it.
I'm headed to bed, Kurt said. Congratulations again on making it to Regionals!
Accidentally, Kurt added with a winking emoticon.
Blaine sent a face with its tongue sticking out. Remind me not to invite you, he teased.
Goodnight, Kurt replied, and Blaine wondered where Kurt was in his apartment. What was he wearing? How was his hair styled?
Goodnight, he echoed. I love you.
KURT
As their text message conversation ended, Kurt glanced up at Rachel across the table.
"Was that Adam?" Rachel smiled at him over her laptop as he put his phone down.
"Blaine," Kurt corrected. "The Warblers have officially been disqualified... New Directions is back in the running for Regionals."
"Wow," Rachel appreciated the news, but her eyes were still full of curiosity about the text message conversation.
"What?" Kurt narrowed his eyes at her.
"You just had a really fond look on your face..." Rachel said.
"He's my best friend, okay?" Kurt said, snappier than he planned.
"Have you told him?" Rachel wondered.
"Told him what?" Kurt asked, although he knew exactly what Rachel meant.
"About Adam," Rachel clarified carefully.
"No," Kurt said, trying to sound confident in his decision.
Rachel nodded and dropped her gaze to her laptop screen. Kurt got up from the table to head into the bathroom and brush his teeth.
He didn't need to tell Blaine about Adam, right? They had only been on one actual date so far. That didn't make them boyfriends, did it? He and Blaine definitely weren't boyfriends anymore, so why did it matter, anyway? Kurt could do whatever he wanted with his love life without consulting Blaine. And Blaine could do the same without asking Kurt.
The thought of Blaine finding someone else bothered Kurt more than he wanted it to.
He looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth and asked himself if it was okay to keep his new relationship with Adam secret from Blaine.
Probably not. They weren't dating anymore, but Blaine was still his best friend. And Kurt knew that Blaine would be devastated if he learned about Kurt's situation with Adam from someone else.
But what if things with Adam didn't work out? Having a good time together during Adam's Apples rehearsals and one lovely coffee date didn't mean that they were the perfect match. So, telling Blaine – telling anyone other than Rachel and Brody, who basically had to know because they all lived together – at this stage was premature.
Kurt decided to wait until the end of the week. If, after another date or two, things with Adam continued to feel good, he would tell Blaine.
BLAINE
Glee club on Tuesday afternoon was full of energy as Finn wrote "Regionals!" on the whiteboard.
"Alright, people, we are back!" Finn announced. "First of all, big props to Sam and Blaine for all their hard work to make this happen."
Blaine twisted around to look at Sam, who was sitting in the row behind him, and they fist bumped in celebration.
"But, there's no time to celebrate," Finn cautioned. "We just lost three weeks of prep time for Regionals and we still have to raise $400 to pay for the bus to get to the competition in Indianapolis."
"It's the Paris of Indiana," Artie commented fondly.
"I propose a bake sale," Finn announced. "I mean, it worked last time."
"Well, that's because Puck spiked the cupcakes with Mary Jane," Artie reminded him.
"I'd be willing to cut off my hair to sell it for extra cash," Joe suggested.
"To who?" Kitty scoffed, "Jamaican kids with Rastafarian cancer or as rigging on a haunted pirate ship?"
"I could sell more of my semen," Sam suggested.
"This is silly," Tina protested. "I know exactly how we're going to get the money."
She stood up and walked to stand beside Finn at the front of the room.
"The 'Men of McKinley' calendar!" she announced. "Let's face it, this is the cutest crop of glee club boys we've ever had."
"That's great!" Marley agreed. "And it's January, so it's the perfect time to sell them."
"There are six guys," Tina said, "so each one can take two months. I think Blaine should definitely be December. You can do a Santa thing, but sexy. Sexy Claus."
Blaine didn't dignify her suggestion with a response.
"I'm in as long as I can take my shirt off," Sam said in Matthew McConaughey's voice.
"Wait, why does it have to be just the men?" Artie protested. "Why can't we objectify the girls, too?"
"Because girls are the ones who buy stuff," Kitty said. "We are responsible for the consumer-driven economy. Those Twilight books are poop on paper and we've turned them into a billion-dollar industry."
"Team Jacob!" Unique announced.
"This could actually work," Finn realized. "Tina, you're in charge! You can set up the photo shoots... everyone else, pick your months and work on your concepts."
"Good job, Tina!" the group applauded.
Blaine was indulging in a fantasy about Sam without his shirt on when Sam clasped a hand on his shoulder from behind. "Dude, this is gonna be awesome!" he said.
"Yeah," Blaine managed to choke out.
"We should totally wear our superhero costumes for October," Sam suggested. "Although," he realized, "that would give away our identities, wouldn't it?"
Blaine laughed and Artie rolled away, so Sam dragged his chair down to Blaine's level so they were sitting beside each other.
"I totally want to do August and July," Sam said. "Best months for the least amount of clothes. Oh yeah."
The other boys gathered around, and the debate began about who would take each month. Joe wanted to do April because of Easter. Ryder wanted to do February because it was the month most associated with romance and he thought it would be a popular month for the girls of the school. Jake wanted to do October because he loved Halloween.
By the end of the afternoon, they had it all worked out, but Artie informed them that they wouldn't have access to the necessary equipment until early the following week.
"Alright," Sam said triumphantly as Finn dismissed the group and everyone started to wander out of the room, "one week to get as ripped as possible, dudes! We've got this."
BLAINE
The next morning, Blaine was gathering his books for the day out of his locker when Tina walked up to him.
"Hey, Blaine," she greeted, "will you please go to the mall with me after school? I want to go clothes shopping."
"Sure," Blaine agreed. It sounded like a fun afternoon, and he knew they needed some fabric to make some of the costumes for the calendar.
The doors opened at the end of the hallway, and Blaine glanced over Tina's shoulder as the movement caught his eye and saw Sam walking into the building. Wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, a pair of sunglasses, and some short Ugg boots.
"Oh, sweet merciful lord," Blaine said in disbelief.
Tina turned to look, too, and Blaine recovered from his initial shock enough to realize that it was freezing cold outside.
He closed his locker and walked toward Sam. Tina followed.
"Sam, what are you doing?" Blaine wondered as they walked up to each other. "It's January."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked. "It's hot out there. You know, sun's out. It's, like, way above freezing."
Blaine thought he knew what was going on. He had heard about Sam's extremely low SAT scores the night before when Marley had texted him the bad news.
"Are you sure you're not overcompensating a little?" Blaine suggested.
Sam removed his sunglasses. "Overcompensating for what?" he asked.
"Your SAT scores," Blaine clarified. "We all heard that you tanked. But don't worry; there are re-tests."
"You know what, dude?" Sam snapped. "Like, if you choose to be jealous of my hardcore rockin' bod', that's on you."
Blaine was opening his mouth to reassure Sam that he was just trying to be supportive when Tina interrupted.
"For the record," she said, "Blaine has an awesome body and a perky and delicious behind that looks like it got baked to perfection by some sort of master chef."
Blaine wondered if maybe he was letting Tina's crush get out of hand.
"Thanks, Tina," he said before turning his attention back to Sam. "Sam, I'm just looking out for you," he explained. "I'm trying to be your friend."
"Well then, put down the Haterade and come to my seminar this afternoon!" Sam suggested.
"Your seminar?" Blaine had no idea what Sam was talking about.
"Yeah, for the Men of McKinley calendar," Sam explained. "It's a one-hour course entitled 'Modern Centerfold: Techniques that Work for Today's Hot, Young Posers'."
He put his sunglasses back on before brushing past Blaine and Tina. "3:30," he added. "Locker room. No chicks!"
Tina said something, but Blaine was so distracted as he watched Sam walk away that he didn't hear her. "What?" he asked as Sam disappeared around a corner.
"You're still coming shopping this afternoon, right?" Tina repeated.
"Oh," Blaine remembered. "Well, uh... I should really– this is for the calendar, so..."
Tina rolled her eyes.
"Sorry," Blaine said guiltily.
"It's fine," Tina whined as the bell rang that signaled the start of the school day. "At least we'll get some awesome photos for the calendar next week."
KURT
The first few days of Brody living with Kurt and Rachel in the apartment were uneventful. Brody liked to sing in the shower, which was annoying because he liked to shower very late at night, but, other than that, he was neat and easygoing.
On Wednesday morning, Kurt was eating his cereal at the table when Brody emerged from Rachel's room. Kurt barely noticed him, lost in thought about a test he had in a few hours for one of his classes, until Brody sat down at the table and Kurt glanced up to offer a silent greeting.
Brody was completely naked.
Kurt did a double-take and was trying to wake up his brain enough to do something when Rachel walked out of her room.
"Good morning!" she said brightly, leaning down to kiss Brody.
She didn't even seem to notice that he wasn't wearing any clothes. In the middle of their shared space. Sitting on one of their shared chairs.
Kurt glared at her as she grabbed a banana off the center of the table.
"What?" she asked, as if she were daring him to challenge Brody's lack of clothes.
"Your boyfriend's bare ass in on one of my vintage flea market chairs!" Kurt snapped.
"Hey, I'm not ashamed of my body," Brody said calmly. "And I wanted to show Rachel that I support her choice, completely."
"Thank you," Rachel smiled at him before looking at Kurt. "I was cast in a student art film and I'm going to be doing a topless scene in it," she explained casually.
"No, you're not," Kurt moaned unhappily.
"Rachel looks smokin'," Brody commented.
"Rachel is a serious actress, Brody," Kurt scolded, trying not to lose his temper. "She doesn't do nudity."
"Look, as performers, that's a question that we're all gonna have to face," Brody said, as if Kurt just didn't understand the situation. "If you want to win an Oscar, you have to show your boobs. Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly. Cathy Bates."
Kurt rolled his eyes and adjusted the milk carton on the table to block parts of Brody he wasn't interested in seeing.
He looked at Rachel and wondered how he could feel so isolated from her. They had been dear friends a year earlier, nervous and excited about the future together. Now, he felt like he barely knew her, and it was really starting to grate on his nerves.
"I don't get it," Kurt voiced some of his concern to Rachel. "A year ago, you were all plaid skirts and 'do you think Finn likes me?'. And now you're slutty Barbie asking misogynist Ken to move in with you. Doing pornos. What's happening to you?"
"I'm growing up, Kurt," Rachel condescended. "Maybe you should try it, too."
She stood up and touched Brody's shoulder before moving to grab her bag.
"And it's not a porno; it's a good movie," she added. "And I'm going to do it with or without your support."
She left the apartment without another word, and Kurt just watched her go.
"You know," Brody said as he stood up and Kurt made a point to avoid looking at any part of him, "it's not very nice to shame someone for what they choose to do with their body."
"Oh, please," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend that you're supporting this because you think it's what Rachel really wants."
"It's just work," Brody said, raising his voice a little so Kurt could still hear him as he walked into Rachel's room to get dressed. "Even if she doesn't want to do it – wouldn't seek out a topless scene – if this job is a stepping stone toward her dreams, who're you to say that she's wrong to go for it?"
"I'm her best friend," Kurt returned. "I think I know her a little bit better than you. One day, when she wakes up from this 'look at me, I'm such an adult doing such adult things' phase that she's currently stuck in, she's going to regret doing a topless scene in some random student film. And it'll be too late to take it back."
"You don't know that she'll regret it," Brody argued. "Maybe she'll feel empowered for being brave enough to show the world her breasts because she's proud of her body."
"Rachel has a beautiful body," Kurt agreed. "Of course she'll probably feel empowered for a few days after she does it. Especially because she equates boldness with strength of character lately. But what about a year from now? How's she going to feel then? Or when her children find –"
"People focus too hard on avoiding regret, anyway," Brody interrupted. "We all have to do things we don't want to do to get where we want to go. That's life."
"Don't talk down to me," Kurt rolled his eyes and shoveled his final spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
"Well," Brody said, reemerging from behind the curtain with his clothes on, "we're not women, anyway, right? We'll never understand how it feels to bare our boobs for a camera. So maybe we should just let Rachel make her own decisions."
"As long as they're decisions you agree with," Kurt mumbled.
"Could say the same to you," Brody said, not unkindly. He grabbed his bag. "Anyway, I'm gonna go catch Rachel at the station. Later."
"Have a great day!" Kurt said sarcastically as Brody stepped out the door.
As soon as he was alone in the apartment, Kurt jumped up and found some disinfectant spray to clean the chair Brody had been sitting in. He also made a mental note never to sit in that chair again.
He thought about his conversation with Brody as he showered and got dressed. He agreed, in a general sense, with the idea that Rachel was, and should be, allowed to do whatever she wanted with her body. Doing a topless scene wasn't a threat to her health or anything. But the whole scenario worried Kurt because Rachel wasn't herself lately. It felt like a phase fed by her newfound popularity and confidence after winning the Winter Showcase and starting a relationship with Brody, and Kurt didn't know how to respect her independence as an adult woman while also putting his foot down about the topless scene.
He wished he had someone to talk to about the whole situation. This wasn't something he could talk about with Finn. He didn't want to ask Blaine about it because he was still trying to figure out how his feelings regarding Blaine and his feelings for Adam could co-exist. And, really, he felt like he needed to talk to a girl. Maybe Brody was right about not understanding what it felt like to expose a female body. He needed to find a woman who would understand what Rachel might be feeling. Someone she would feel comfortable confiding in but also someone who would offer a critical opinion.
Santana, Kurt thought.
Or maybe Quinn.
He decided to call them both.
Santana immediately suggested that she should fly to New York to stage an intervention. Kurt had imagined something simpler like a phone call, but he agreed, mostly because Santana was so insistent. Quinn was on board with the plan as soon as Kurt explained the situation, so, by the time Kurt rode the train into Manhattan for class, both girls were making plans to arrive by the end of the day.
BLAINE
That afternoon, Blaine walked into the locker room to find Sam, Ryder, and Jake waiting for him.
"Welcome, Mr. Anderson," Sam greeted him as Agent Smith from The Matrix.
Blaine laughed, charmed, and was glad that he had to walk around the corner to his gym locker to change into looser clothes so the other guys wouldn't see him blushing. By the time he was ready to go, Artie and Joe had joined the group for Sam's seminar.
"Alright!" Sam clapped his hands once as he addressed the group. "Welcome to 'Modern Centerfold: Techniques that Work for Today's Hot, Young Posers'! First up: yoga."
"Yoga?" Ryder said skeptically. Sam ignored him.
"These here are yoga mats," Sam motioned at the ground.
Everyone chose a mat, and Sam led the group in a short yoga routine. Blaine was glad that he had been working on flexibility so much lately to improve his dancing skills, because it made the yoga easy and relaxing.
The other guys were not feeling Sam and Blaine's satisfaction with the exercise.
"Why are we doing this, again?" Jake wondered after a few minutes.
"It's broga – yoga for bros," Sam informed him. "All about getting in the best possible shape for the calendar."
"Well, not everyone in here looks like they're on The CW," Artie said. "Some of us are more PBS. Does the calendar really need to be shirtless?"
Sam stood up. "Afraid so, dude," he told Artie. "But don't sweat it because, in no time, we'll all be centerfold ready, thanks to White Chocolate strip tips."
He led the group to the sinks and talked to them about making sure that they shaved their bodies before the photo shoot.
"And who says you can't pack a little extra?" Sam suggested as his second tip. "I like baby socks. Now, just make sure the sock is clean so you don't get any athlete's foot on your junk."
Sam reached into his pants to add the baby socks, and Blaine decided he was not going to follow that particular tip. It was too much.
"Alright," Sam said when he was finished situating the baby socks, "next: aerobic exercise! Flexibility's nothing if you don't have endurance, am I right?"
Sam took them to the auditorium and gave them sauna suits to put on over their clothes so they would sweat more than normal as they ran up and down the auditorium stairs.
"Great job, great job!" Sam encouraged the group as everyone's legs started to burn and Blaine started to wonder if the sauna suits were safe. "Alright, that's enough!"
He led the way back to the locker room.
"The third and final half of today's seminar," Sam announced a few minutes later, once they had all changed out of their sauna suits and dried off, "is anaerobic exercise. Don't ask me to spell it, though. But it's all about muscle!"
They lifted weights until they were so exhausted that they could barely move and, by the end, Sam seemed satisfied.
"Good work today, boys!" he encouraged as the group gathered their things to leave. "Let's keep this up all week! And don't forget to eat plenty of protein and watch those calories!"
"You should be a personal trainer," Blaine smiled as he walked past Sam on the way to the door.
"See ya tomorrow, man," Sam said, still focused on jumping rope.
"Don't overdo it," Blaine cautioned as he paused by the doorway. He kept his tone light, but he was a little worried that Sam might work himself too hard and nobody would be around to help him if he collapsed.
"I'm cool," Sam nodded at him.
"Okay," Blaine agreed before turning and walking out the door.
Sam kept the guys of New Directions busy every afternoon after glee club until the day of the calendar photo shoot. They did more yoga. They ran up and down the auditorium steps. They lifted weights. They choreographed a workout to music so they could perform it for the rest of New Directions. And Sam weighed each of the guys every day to make sure they were on the right track. Most of them were already in decent shape and didn't lose much weight, but Blaine enjoyed the physical activity. He was sleeping better than ever.
KURT
Quinn arrived first. She hopped on a train immediately after her afternoon class at Yale and made it to Kurt and Rachel's apartment before Kurt got back from NYADA early in the evening. She was sitting on the ground with her back against the locked apartment door when Kurt arrived.
"Quinn!" he smiled, rushing to help her up so he could wrap her in a hug.
"Hi!" she returned the smile as they stepped apart.
"Thank you so much for coming," Kurt said as he unlocked the door and they walked into the apartment. "Welcome!"
"Very nice," Quinn approved as she looked around the apartment for the first time.
"Rachel will probably be back kinda late," Kurt said as Quinn put her bag down. "She and Brody are going out to what I'm sure will be a lovely dinner in Manhattan before they come home."
"It might be best if we get to talk to her without the boyfriend," Quinn suggested.
Kurt chewed on his lip and wondered how he could get Rachel to come back to the apartment without Brody.
"I'll have to think about that," he admitted.
He and Quinn talked about Rachel's situation and about what was going on in each other's lives until Santana arrived about two hours later. As Quinn and Santana tried to figure out what they should say to Rachel, Kurt was saved from having to find a way to keep Brody away during the intervention by a text from Rachel.
On the train home, she said. Brody has to go back to NYADA for a late-night rehearsal for one of his classes, but I'll be home soon!
"Okay," Kurt explained to Quinn and Santana, "she's on her way back. It's probably best if I'm not here for this, so I'm gonna head down the street and have some hot chocolate with my laptop."
"We've got this," Quinn reassured him.
"Unless she's as crazy as I remember," Santana clarified.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Just try, okay?" he said, mostly to Santana, as he opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "Text me when it's safe to come back!"
The text from Santana came less than an hour later.
She's still claiming that she's going to do it but I can tell we planted a serious seed of doubt in her mind. Come back. Bring food.
It was one of the most enjoyable nights Kurt had experienced since moving to New York. Rachel wasn't angry at him for calling Quinn and Santana, but she maintained that she was still planning to do the nude scene. Brody never came home – he texted Rachel to tell her that he was going to crash at a friend's apartment in Manhattan because it was so late – and Kurt, Rachel, Quinn, and Santana had a slumber party like they were still in high school. It was two o'clock in the morning before Kurt realized that he and Rachel had class later that morning and suggested that they sleep. It was another hour before they actually followed through on Kurt's idea.
BLAINE
When the day of the photo shoot for the calendar arrived, Blaine was excited. He had ended up with December – at Tina's request – and January, and he was looking forward to goofing off in the costumes they had picked out. He went first; posing in his Chippendales-inspired outfit for January and a shirtless Santa Claus outfit for December. Then, he watched Ryder, Joe, and Jake posed for their respective months.
"Alright, August is up next!" Tina announced as Ryder finished posing for July. "Artie, are you sure you don't want to pose?"
"No, I'm happy posing with this bounce board over here," Artie said.
"Hey, why don't we do August with a few of the guys?" Tina suggested as Sam got ready to strike a pose for August. "Blaine, why don't you jump in with Sam? You're looking particularly cute today."
"I'll do it, too," Joe offered before Blaine could decline.
"No offense, Joe, but I don't really think you want to be in a shot next to me," Sam said. "My washboard's gonna make you look like a bloated, white Bob Marley."
"I'm as God made me, dude," Joe retorted.
"Look," Sam said to Tina, annoyed, "the reality is you probably should've just done a Sam Evans calendar."
"Yes, and every month we could see you dressed as a different brand of jerk-wad," Artie scolded.
"Guys, we waited too long!" Sam cried. "I lost my pump. I need five minutes!"
He turned and stormed away toward the weightlifting area of the locker room. Blaine rushed after him.
"You got this!" Sam said to himself as he pumped a large weight with one arm. "You got this!"
"You're kind of out of control," Blaine scolded.
"Yeah, well, haters gonna hate," Sam snapped.
Blaine couldn't stand it when Sam got like this. Obsessed with his body like it was the only thing that mattered.
"Will you please stop lifting?" Blaine asked sharply. "This isn't who you are, Sam. You aren't just some body-obsessed muscle head!"
"You don't what it's like," Sam said, putting the weight down so he could focus on Blaine. "You can sing and dance and you kick butt in school and you're all charming and everything."
It was strange for Blaine to hear Sam analyzing him.
"I have to announce my presence with authority the second I walk into a room," Sam continued. "People have to notice me or else they never will."
Blaine didn't know what to say. He always noticed when Sam walked into a room.
"People laugh at my impressions because how I look already has them on board," Sam added.
"Do you really believe that?" Blaine questioned. It sounded so absurd to Blaine to hear Sam saying such negative things about himself. Sam was one of the funniest, nicest people Blaine knew. And his impressions were hilarious.
"It's just a fact," Sam said firmly. He sat down and stared at the floor.
"If you want to make it in this world, you have to be special," he said sadly.
"But you are special," Blaine said, joining him on the bench. "Even without your body."
"No, I'm not, man," Sam said immediately. Blaine was distressed to see tears in Sam's eyes. "It's– it's all I have. I'm exhausted. Watching what I eat all the time. My two-a-day workouts."
"Let it go," Blaine encouraged gently. "Have a burger every now and then. Eat a bag of Cheetoes. Skip your workouts. Sleep in a little. Your body isn't gonna change."
Sam didn't look convinced.
"And, even if you have seven percent body fat, you're gonna see that all of us are still going to love you," Blaine added. "And we're gonna laugh at your impressions."
Sam looked at him for a moment, silent.
"I hate being stupid," Sam confessed.
"You're not stupid," Blaine scolded. "It's one test, Sam. So, you're not good at standardized tests. That doesn't make you stupid!"
"Easy for you to say," Sam returned. "I bet you did really well on the SAT. You're going to go off to New York or somewhere else fancy and, like, make awesome grades in college and be a big star or whatever."
Blaine couldn't deny it. He wasn't sure if he would make amazing grades or if he would make it as a performer, but it was what he wanted. He was confident that, if it was left up to his abilities alone, he could make it happen.
"And I'm probably going to end up in some small town, married to some chick and having a few kids and just dealing with some random job that pays just enough to cover my bills," Sam concluded miserably.
Blaine shook his head. "That's not true at all," he scolded. "That doesn't have to be your destiny if you don't want it to be. You can go to college. You're smart."
"You're just saying that because you're my friend," Sam argued.
"I'm not," Blaine replied. "You have great ideas all the time! And you really get people. You knew what was going on with Brittany when she was having her meltdown at the beginning of the year. You knew that something was going on with the Warblers. You... you knew there was something really wrong with me when nobody else noticed."
Sam shrugged and started to respond, but they were interrupted.
"Hey!" Tina stuck her head around the corner. "Are you coming or not?"
"Yeah," Sam said, waving a dismissive hand in her direction. "We're coming."
Tina sighed in frustration and disappeared. Sam stood up.
"Thanks, man," he said, but Blaine could tell that he wasn't convinced as they walked back to where the rest of the group was waiting.
BLAINE
The next morning, Blaine stopped by Ms. Pillsbury's office to see if she had any ideas about how he could help Sam avoid the dull life he thought was his destiny. She suggested that there were plenty of colleges that didn't require standardized test scores, but she needed a few hours to gather information about some examples.
Blaine returned at lunchtime and found the counselor ready with a small stack of brochures on her desk. She asked a passing teacher to find Sam in the cafeteria and send him to her office, and silence fell between Blaine and Ms. Pillsbury as they waited for him to arrive.
"So," Ms. Pillsbury asked to break the awkward silence, "how are you? Planning for college?"
"Yes, thank you," Blaine acknowledged.
"Any in particular?" she wondered.
"Um..." Blaine considered lying to avoid potential awkwardness, but he couldn't think fast enough, "NYADA."
"Oh!" she realized. "Oh, well, that's very ambitious! Well done! Um, please let me know if you need any help with your application or anything that you might need to, you know, get done that's college-related."
Blaine nodded his agreement, and the awkward silence returned. Neither one of them wanted to continue talking because talking about NYADA would inevitably mean mentioning Kurt.
"Did you want to see me?"
Sam's voice startled Blaine out of the silence, and he turned toward the door as Sam noticed him.
"What're you doing here?" Sam asked.
"Blaine asked me to look into something for you," Ms. Pillsbury explained. "Come on in. Have a seat."
Sam walked into the small office and sat down beside Blaine. He turned to offer an accusatory look at Blaine, and Blaine shrugged. He couldn't stand by and let Sam give up on himself.
"This is a very small sampling of colleges that don't require SAT or ACT scores," Ms. Pillsbury explained, placing the stack of brochures in front of Sam. "And they're really good schools, Sam. They're schools that recognize that a test score isn't always the best measure of your intelligence."
"Or creativity," Blaine added.
"And you can always take the SATs again if you want," Ms. Pillsbury suggested. "You know, a lot of kids do that."
Sam studied the stack of brochures.
"Yeah, well, let's say I somehow get into college somewhere," he allowed. "I still can't afford it."
"Yes, you can," Ms. Pillsbury countered. "Because, even in this economy, there are hundreds of scholarships out there." She produced another stack of paper for Sam. "What you'll need for these is a personal essay about yourself and your accomplishments."
"Like what? Like my abs and my fish lips?" Sam wondered.
"Like the glee club," Blaine said positively. "Like student council. Swimming."
"Synchronized swimming," Sam corrected him.
"You've accomplished a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for," Ms. Pillsbury said. "But why don't you take that home and, um, just think about it?"
Sam was silent for a moment before nodding.
"Can I go back to lunch now?" he asked. "I'm starving."
Blaine smiled his thanks at Ms. Pillsbury as she dismissed them and followed Sam out the door.
"What the hell, man?" Sam said as soon as they were walking side-by-side down the hallway.
"Are you mad?" Blaine scoffed. "Sam, I'm just trying –"
"No," Sam interrupted. "I'm not mad. I just feel like I should be."
"Look at those colleges over the weekend," Blaine suggested as they entered the cafeteria. "And, on Monday, I'll help you get your essay going. Okay?"
Sam looked at him, and Blaine hated the sadness that he saw in Sam's eyes.
"Fine," Sam agreed. "But only if we get to do it in the science classroom because I love those planets that hang from the ceiling."
KURT
In the end, Rachel didn't do the topless scene. Since their intervention was complete, Quinn and Santana planned to do some shopping on Saturday morning before heading back to Connecticut and Kentucky that afternoon. But Kurt had to say goodbye to them early on Saturday morning because he was heading into Manhattan to work at Vogue dot com all day.
Except for his lunch break, which he planned to spend having coffee with Adam.
He missed a call from Blaine in the early afternoon when he was vacuuming one of the clothing vaults and didn't hear his phone ringing, but he decided to wait until he got home that evening to call him back.
He had to tell Blaine about Adam.
"Hey, you," Blaine answered cheerfully when Kurt made it back to the apartment – happily, empty of his roommates – and called him back.
"Hey," Kurt smiled, his heart pounding with anticipation. "Sorry I missed your call earlier. What's up?"
"Oh, uh, I was collecting positive memories about Sam," Blaine explained. "He's feeling really down lately, so I'm trying to put together a video to remind him how amazing he is. But I think I've got enough, so you're off the hook!"
Kurt felt a lump forming in his throat as he thought about Blaine putting together a video to make Sam feel better.
"Okay," he agreed.
"How's your week been?" Blaine asked. "How's Adam's Apples? Here's a quiz; are they more like our New Directions or our Warblers?"
There was so much happiness in Blaine's voice. Kurt wished that he didn't feel so guilty. He and Blaine had broken up. What was he supposed to do, stay single forever? The way Blaine said "our New Directions" and "our Warblers" made Kurt's stomach roll with anxiety. He had to tell him.
"About that..." he said, struggling to think of the gentlest way to say it. "I'm– Adam and I are, kind of– um, have been on a few dates. Recently."
Blaine's silence was unbearable.
"I just... wanted to tell you," Kurt added, wishing that he could explain the complicated reasons why. I wanted to tell you so you'll move on and stop waiting for me. I wanted to tell you so I can move on and stop waiting for you. I wanted to tell you so we can get away from all this pain. I wanted to tell you because we're still best friends and I owe you the truth after everything we've been through together.
"Thank you," Blaine said quietly.
"Blaine –" Kurt started.
"No, it's okay," Blaine said, although his voice suggested that it wasn't. "I'm..."
"You don't have to say anything," Kurt said quickly.
"I want you to be happy," Blaine said.
"I don't want you to be sad," Kurt admitted miserably.
"I wish you could be happy with me again," Blaine confessed in a soft and steady voice. He sounded exhausted all of the sudden, like the news had sucked away all of his energy.
Kurt didn't know how to respond to that without making things worse for both of them, so he didn't say anything.
BLAINE
As Blaine sat in the chair beside his bed and listened to Kurt's silence on the other end of the call, he thought about Kurt being with this new guy. Adam. He had seen a photograph of Adam on Kurt's Facebook account the week before in a group photo of the Adam's Apples, so he had a mental image of the tall, blonde young man. Adam looked friendly. He looked like the kind of person who would be good for Kurt.
But, as Blaine imagined Kurt and Adam together – laughing, singing together, flirting, kissing, maybe even going further – a sudden certainty stirred inside him.
Adam would never be as good for Kurt as Blaine.
It felt like the simplest truth in the world, and it filled Blaine's whole body with energy. Kurt was still harboring a significant amount of pain as a result of Blaine's infidelity, so he was trying to protect himself by moving on. He needed to date someone else because he never had before. Kurt didn't know yet that nothing would ever compare to what he had with Blaine. It was a realization Blaine had come to immediately after he had been with Eli, and it was a realization that Kurt needed to have for himself before they could truly reconnect. Kurt needed to remember that they were soul mates.
Blaine decided that he would remember for both of them until Kurt could remember it on his own.
"I still believe in us," Blaine said, pleased to find that his voice matched the confidence that was suddenly pulsing through his entire body.
Kurt started to say something, but Blaine interrupted. "But I'm okay with this," he reassured Kurt. "It's okay."
"That doesn't make any sense," Kurt scolded gently.
"It does," Blaine countered, feeling a mixture of sad and happy tears pooling in his eyes.
They still had a future. Blaine hadn't destroyed it with his betrayal; he had just postponed it. He couldn't deny that it hurt to know that Kurt wanted to see someone else, but Blaine knew that he still had a chance with Kurt. He needed to continue being patient, but he needed to stop waiting for Kurt and start fighting for Kurt. Reminding him, as gently and gradually as Kurt could take it, that they were meant for each other.
"I love you," he said.
He knew Kurt wasn't going to say it back. He couldn't. Not right now.
"Thank you for calling to tell me," Blaine added to give Kurt a way to end the call.
"You really are my best friend," Kurt reminded him.
"You're mine, too," Blaine agreed. "Goodnight, Kurt."
"Goodnight," Kurt echoed, and Blaine ended the call so Kurt wouldn't have to.
BLAINE
Blaine spent the entire day on Sunday editing together footage of his friends talking about Sam. Artie had filmed everyone at McKinley on Friday after school and Blaine had called Mercedes and Santana to ask them to add their stories to the mix. When it was finally edited together properly, Blaine watched the final video a few times and knew that it would get through to Sam. He couldn't keep denying his value when all of his friends offered such positive, concrete examples of his achievements and his character.
"You ready to write that essay?" Blaine asked on Monday as he walked into the science classroom after school and saw the lack of enthusiasm on Sam's face.
"No, I'm not," Sam said, and Blaine could see the self-loathing in his eyes.
"Well," Blaine informed him, pulling his laptop out of his bag, "I've been doing a little research, um, with some folks that know you really well. And they all seem to think that you've actually accomplished quite a bit."
He put the laptop down in front of Sam and pressed play on the video that was already open on the screen.
Tina told the story of Sam saving the glee club the year before when he had returned to Ohio from Kentucky to be their twelfth member. Artie reminded everyone that Sam had helped to rescue New Directions' Nationals trophy from the Warblers. Tina added that Sam had saved the glee club again by following through on his suspicions about the Warblers' cheating at Sectionals. Santana explained that Sam had inspired her to take up songwriting. Brittany complimented Sam's impressions. Mercedes told the story of Sam helping her find her courage to move to Los Angeles and pursue a music career. And Finn recalled the time when Sam had supported his family when his father lost his job.
"He's a really substantial person," Finn added as the video ended.
"Now that's your essay," Blaine suggested as he reached down and closed the laptop.
Sam was crying as he stood up and pulled Blaine into a hug.
"Thanks– thanks, bro," he choked out.
"Don't mention it," Blaine said softly, relishing the hug and the chance to help Sam remember what a quality person he was.
Sam wiped his eyes as he stepped back. "Oh god," he huffed out a breath, trying to get control of his emotions.
"You're going to have a killer essay," Blaine reassured him, taking him by the upper arm to steer him back into his chair. "Here," Blaine grabbed his laptop, "let's do it on the computer instead of on paper."
"Easier to spell check that way," Sam agreed.
They both laughed, and Blaine studied Sam's profile as they sat down together in front of Blaine's computer.
Sam would never reciprocate his crush, but Blaine was starting to feel okay with that fact. He hoped that Sam would be his friend for the long haul. They had so much in common. Sam was a great friend.
They finished the essay over the course of the next few days, and Blaine went over to Sam's house one day after school to help him fill out applications to a few of the colleges that Ms. Pillsbury had suggested and two that Blaine and Sam found by searching online. Sam's parents invited Blaine to stay for dinner and, after Blaine remembered that his Nightbird costume was in his car, Blaine and Sam spent the hours between dinner and when Blaine had to leave playing superheroes with Sam's little brother and sister.
At school, Sam talked Artie into posing for the Men of McKinley calendar by suggesting that they both do it fully clothed. Blaine was so proud of Sam when he heard the plan that he threw his arms around Sam and hugged him before realizing that maybe he shouldn't have. But Sam had just laughed.
They raised almost the entire amount that they needed to go to Regionals in Indianapolis from sales of the calendar. And, as they held an autograph session to help sell the final few calendars, they decided on a new song to rehearse as a contender for the upcoming competition. A song to celebrate the new year and a new chance to take control of their lives.
KURT
Kurt was lounging on the couch in the apartment one evening after class and a few hours at work, trying to finish an essay, when he switched over to Facebook to procrastinate and saw a new video from Artie.
Take this, haters. We're going to Regionals! the caption said.
He pressed play and was immediately greeted by Blaine's face as the music began. Blaine looked into the camera and pretended to tap on the lens before the video changed to a shot of two of the new students. And then to Artie. And then it continued through all the members of New Directions. They all looked so relaxed and happy as they danced and goofed off for the camera.
When Blaine was the one who began the song, Kurt was transfixed.
"Another year you made a promise. Another chance to turn it all around. And do not save this for tomorrow. Embrace the past and you can live for now. And I will give the world to you."
As Kurt watched Blaine singing and dancing with New Directions, he realized that Blaine might move on.
Blaine might, at some point, decide that he had waited long enough. He might find someone else to love.
It was a startling revelation for Kurt. He had decided that he and Blaine were through and, intellectually, he knew what that meant. That they would go on living their separate lives. Find boyfriends who would become fiancés and husbands. But he had never really imagined what it would feel like to see Blaine in love with someone else.
He didn't like the way it made him feel. The sadness and jealousy clashed with the happiness that he felt watching his friends dancing and singing on the screen in front of him. And it clashed with the excitement he felt about his new relationship with Adam.
When the song ended, Kurt closed his laptop and took an Ambien for the first time since Christmas so he could fall asleep instead of lying awake all night arguing with himself over what he should or shouldn't feel.
The next morning when he woke up, there was a large envelope addressed to him sitting on top of the pile of mail that Rachel and Brody had brought in after Kurt had gone to bed. It didn't have a return address, but the postmark was Lima, Ohio.
Kurt tore the envelope open and pulled out a calendar.
"The Men of McKinley" was printed in bold letters across the front, over a photograph of Artie, Blaine, Sam, Joe, Jake, and Ryder in various holiday-related costumes. And in various amounts of clothing.
Kurt thumbed through the calendar, stopping to look at Blaine's two months as they passed. January and December.
It was the last day of January, so Kurt hung the calendar up in his bedroom with the photo of Blaine smiling out at him. It was the first time he had displayed a photo of Blaine since their breakup, but it felt good. Tomorrow, he could flip the page and let the other men of New Directions show off their bodies until December.
Maybe, Kurt thought, by December he would be ready to display Blaine's photograph again.
It's actually canon that someone sent a Men of McKinley calendar to Kurt! It's on his wall in 4x21 ("Wonderful"). :)
The way Brody so strongly supports Rachel's plan to do the topless scene is especially interesting now that we know that he's selling his body for sex to pay for NYADA! I wonder if the writers knew that fact about Brody at this point in the season.
It's hard to figure out what the deal is with Adam and Kurt. There's never really any serious explanation of their relationship between now and the end of the season. The closest we'll get is two episodes from now when Kurt will tell Blaine that he's "sort of dating" Adam and Blaine will clarify that it's not exclusive (which Kurt doesn't deny). So, the way I imagine it is that they're going on dates here and there and getting to know each other. By the time they break up (assuming that they're separated by the finale, which may be a completely misguided assumption but I'm sticking with it!), they've only been dating for about a month and a half-ish, so I'm going to assume that they never quite make it to the stage of their relationship where they'd be having sex. Absolutely nothing wrong with sex within the first month of dating if that's your thing, but this is Kurt. Obviously, he's more sexually experienced/less shy now than he was when he and Blaine were navigating sex for the first time, but I still think Kurt needs trust to feel comfortable with sex (which, I think, makes his actions at Mr. Schu's wedding very telling in terms of his state of mind when it comes to Blaine!), and it's hard to have that much trust with someone you've known for less than two months. SO, all of that to say that this is just one of many possible interpretations of Kurt and Adam's relationship and I think I'm going to be purposely vague about them because we just don't know.
Up next... 4x13: Diva!