Alright, you ridiculously lovely people. Thank you so, so much for sticking with me through what became a little hiatus! I'm back on track now for frequent updates, so let's finish this season! :D
(I do not own Glee or any of the characters, dialogue, or songs from the show. It's all just for fun!)
BLAINE
On Monday afternoon, four days after Valentine's Day, Mr. Schu walked to the white board in the choir room and wrote "movies".
"Everybody loves movies," he said as he turned to face New Directions. "They don't just tell stories; they transport us to other worlds. They are inspirational. They provide comfort and they help us escape from our day-to-day anxieties."
"Like getting left at the altar?" Kitty commented.
The group groaned its disapproval, although most of them had been thinking the same thing. "Too soon," Ryder chided.
"Exactly," Mr. Schu responded to Kitty's challenge. "Or, in your guys' case, studying for exams or worrying about Regionals. In any case, this week's assignment: I want you to pick your favorite songs from your favorite movies."
Blaine and the rest of the students were delighted with the assignment.
"Unique knows all there is to know about The Crying Game," Unique claimed her song.
"You don't get dibs on Les Mis just because you are the poster," Kitty said to Marley.
"Finally, I can do my Nicolas Cage impression!" Sam declared in the actor's voice. "'Ahhhh, not the bees! Ahhhh, the bees, ahhhh!'"
Blaine stifled a laugh as Kitty criticized, "That is the worst Nicolas Cage impression I've ever seen."
"Do you even know who Nicolas Cage is?" Artie wondered.
"Okay, it's not that simple, guys," Mr. Schu interrupted. "This is a group competition. Boys against girls and we are doing mash-ups. Now, remember, movies are visual, so it's not just about the singing. It's about performance. It's about theatricality. It's about the language of cinema."
"Preach!" Artie said, rolling to the front of the room next to Mr. Schu. "And, as I move into production on my first micro-budget feature, –" Everyone expressed their surprise at once, and Artie looked pleased as continued addressing the group, "– I'm happy to offer starring roles to whichever team wins. No trailers, no per diem."
"Okay, well, everyone split up and start working on your song choices," Mr. Schu announced as the group began chattering excitedly about the assignment and the news of Artie's movie.
Blaine leaned forward as Artie rolled over to him. "You're making a movie?" he asked.
"Yeah!" Artie confirmed happily
"When did this happen?" Blaine inquired.
"Recently," Artie explained vaguely as the rest of the boys gathered around.
"Well, what's it about?" Jake pressed.
"I'm afraid details will have to wait," Artie said with authority. "Despite my desire to win this competition, I don't want either team to tailor their song choices or choreography to my film to try to gain an unfair advantage."
"No matter what it's about, we've got it covered, right?" Sam commented. "I mean, we've got, uh, at least two races and, you know, someone gay and someone in a wheelchair. We're, um, we're..."
"Diverse," Blaine supplied. "I'm part Asian," he added, grinning at Sam.
"See?" Sam motioned at Blaine.
Artie rolled his eyes. "Song ideas?" he changed the subject.
"We should do a Disney mash-up," Blaine suggested.
"Yeah, if we want to lose," Ryder protested as Jake asked, "Your favorite movies are Disney movies?"
"I'm sorry, Blaine," Artie said, sounding truly regretful, "but they have a point."
"We don't have to–" Blaine started to argue before he realized it wasn't worth it. "Fine," he huffed.
"You Know My Name from Casino Royale," Ryder suggested.
"What would we mash that up with?" Jake wondered.
"The theme from one of the other James Bond films, duh" Ryder snapped back.
"Men in Black," Sam offered, not listening to Ryder and Jake.
"What movie is that from?" Joe asked.
"Really?" Artie scolded.
"Mr. Schu's judging, right?" Sam reminded them. "So, I mean, we've gotta do something, like... badass. Something he's into."
"Yeah," Blaine nodded, liking Sam's train of thought. "Something from the eighties or nineties."
"Though underappreciated as a film," Artie declared, "Free Willy did give us Michael Jackson's Will You Be There, and –"
"There is nothing sexy about Free Willy," Jake argued. "We've got to pick something the girls will like, too."
"Let's get naked again," Sam suggested. "Did that Magic Mike movie have any songs?"
Blaine shook his head disapprovingly, but Sam's suggestion gave him an idea. "Old Time Rock and Roll from Risky Business," he suggested.
"Yeah!" Sam approved immediately, loudly enough that the girls fell silent and turned to look at him. Sam waved at them.
"It could be a tribute to some of the early work of Tom Cruise," Artie agreed as the girls turned back to their huddle and the boys did the same. "Mashed-up with Danger Zone from Top Gun."
There was a chorus of approval from the rest of the guys, and Sam reached over and shoved Blaine's shoulder, excited.
"Alright, then," Artie decided. "Someone get the lyrics to both songs up on your phone..."
KURT
Monday was a whirlwind of activity for Kurt; a full day of classes and a long evening of catch-up work at Vogue dot com. All day he fielded questions about his trip to Ohio, and he quickly discovered that telling the story of his trip home without including his time spent with Blaine was a challenge.
It was the worst with Adam.
They met up for lunch, and Kurt's first thought when he saw Adam's smiling face was that he should've missed him more. Should have, but hadn't. Because he had been too swept up in indulging his desire for Blaine.
And then the questions began. Adam seemed genuinely interested in hearing all about Ohio and the lives of Kurt's former classmates. He inquired about Burt, Carole, and Finn, and moaned appropriately when Kurt told him about Ms. Pillsbury leaving Mr. Schu at the altar. With every innocent question, Kurt had to carefully consider his answer to avoid mentioning Blaine. And, every time he omitted something or fudged the truth just enough to avoid saying anything suspicious, the guilt inside him grew more intense.
Things were slightly easier at work. Feeling like he was going to explode if he didn't tell someone that he had, at the very least, seen Blaine, Kurt told Isabelle an extremely abbreviated version of the truth when she inquired about his trip. Leaving out all the potentially scandalous details reduced the story to "I saw Blaine, and it was surprisingly comfortable", but Kurt was grateful that he could mention Blaine to his mentor without risking the implosion of their relationship.
Kurt ignored his phone all evening as he worked, so he had a few text messages waiting for him when he finally settled into his seat on the train to Bushwick and pulled out his phone. Including one from Blaine.
It's movie-themed mash-up week! Blaine's message said. We're doing Danger Zone and Old Time Rock and Roll.
Kurt swallowed thickly as Blaine's words brought to his mind memories of the mash-up weeks he had experienced in high school. Sophomore year – New Directions' first year – the mash-up competition had become a showcase for bad judgment when most of the students had taken medication to give them a boost of energy. Senior year, the mash-up competition had been a New Directions versus Troubletones showdown, rather than boys versus girls.
But junior year's mash-up week had been the most important. It had been an argument with the other boys of New Directions over what songs to sing that had pushed Kurt to drive to Dalton to spy on the Warblers.
Excellent song choices! he texted Blaine back, unwilling to offer any hint that Blaine's message had stirred up a heavy dose of nostalgia.
Wish you were here, Blaine replied a few minutes later.
Kurt wanted to respond with Me too! so badly that he immediately turned his phone off and left it off until he got back to the apartment and there were other things around to distract him. He felt so guilty about everything that had happened between him and Blaine and about lying to Adam, but, at the same time, he felt more attracted to Blaine – emotionally and physically – than he had since the day they had separated. He couldn't stop thinking about it. About Blaine.
It was like when they had first met, except now they weren't supposed to have a spark. They weren't a couple. They were never going to be a couple again.
BLAINE
The next day, Blaine and Brittany were discussing the week's movie assignment when they ran into Tina, Sam, Marley, and Jake at their lockers.
"Guys, Brittany and I were just talking," Blaine said as they approached.
"And we agree that, 'though we love that it's mash-up week and that it's girls versus boys..." Brittany elaborated.
"... it sucks that the guys and the girls can't do a number together," Blaine finished. "So, we were thinking – just as a warm-up – we should do the guys versus girls in the same number to kick things off!"
"And then the girls can kick the boys' butts," Brittany commented.
"Uh, or vice-versa," Blaine retorted.
"Which is my favorite Fred Savage movie," Brittany said.
"Well, it would have to be the perfect movie song," Sam said. "You know, like, uh, Dream Warriors from Nightmare on Elm Street 3!"
"Yeah," Tina shot him down, "or a good song like Let the River Run from Working Girl."
"Or Wind Beneath My Wings from Beaches," Marley suggested.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Blaine said as inspiration hit him. He put his hands out to get the group's attention. "How about this... the perfect movie song. Totally iconic and everyone loves it. A little ditty from the seminal American college comedy... Animal House?"
The group all looked at each other and nobody disapproved, so Blaine stepped back into the hallway and began the song.
"Well, you know you make me wanna shout!"
They danced and sang all around the school, ignoring halfhearted scolding from teachers as they worked their way to the cafeteria where their fellow students clapped and laughed as they finished the song.
"I realize this number wasn't a competition," Artie said to Blaine and Brittany as he rolled past after the song was over, "but... you do know it's not even a mash-up, right?"
Blaine glanced and Brittany and shrugged. He put both of his hands in the air and Brittany gave him a high ten before they turned to walk to a table to sit down and eat lunch.
"We're totally going to win the mash-up competition," Sugar bragged as they ate.
"Yeah, good luck with that," Jake disagreed.
"Who won last year?" Marley asked Blaine as Jake, Sugar, and a few of the others continued bantering.
"It was complicated," Blaine explained. "Some of the girls – mostly ones who graduated last year – left New Directions to start a second show choir, so it was them against us. I don't think any of us really felt like winners when it was all over," he admitted as he remembered Santana slapping Finn across the face for outing her.
Marley nodded seriously. "What about before that?" her eyes twinkled as she nudged him with her elbow. "Gotta see if there's a precedent!"
"I don't know," Blaine realized. "I wasn't here."
"Oh yeah," Marley remembered. "You were at...?"
"Dalton," Blaine reminded her. He had told her about transferring from Dalton earlier in the year, although he had left out many of the details.
"Oh yeah!" Artie interjected. "You and Kurt met during that mash-up week, didn't you? I've never seen anyone's demeanor change as rapidly as Kurt's did after..." he trailed off as if he remembered that Blaine and Kurt were no longer a couple.
Blaine tried to pretend that it didn't bother him. "Yeah," he acknowledged, forcing a smile that he knew didn't reach his eyes.
"Yeah, well," Sam said, his eyes trained on Blaine, "just be glad that you weren't here for that year's mash-up competition. We were in all kinds of trouble for saying out loud that Coach Bieste isn't really that hot."
Jake snorted out a disbelieving "what?" and Blaine nodded a subtle "thank you" at Sam as the conversation moved away from his relationship with Kurt.
KURT
That evening, Adam rode back to Bushwick with Kurt after their last classes at NYADA and they dumped their bags off at the apartment – and said a quick hello to Santana, who was the only person there – before going out to dinner at a restaurant around the corner that had been on Kurt's "to try" list since he moved to New York. They spent a few hours eating, chatting, and working on lines that Adam needed to memorize for an upcoming audition until they realized they had lost track of time and it was much later than they had planned to stay out.
When they emerged from the restaurant, it was snowing so hard that Kurt could barely see the other side of the street.
"Well," Adam laughed, tugging his jacket up so it would cover his nose and mouth, "this is unexpected!"
"I knew it was supposed to snow," Kurt acknowledged as they walked quickly toward the apartment, "but not so soon!"
"Hopefully the trains are still running," Adam wondered.
"No, no, you can't go back tonight," Kurt disagreed. "This snow feels like the kind that's going to rapidly become a layer of ice all over everything."
"Are you inviting me to spend the night?" Adam teased, and Kurt was glad that Adam couldn't see his face.
"I'm offering you shelter from the storm," Kurt clarified.
"Alright, then," Adam agreed as they reached the building that housed Kurt's apartment and stumbled through the door into the small lobby. "I accept."
Santana and Rachel were both in the apartment when Adam and Kurt arrived, but not Brody. Santana was stretched out on the couch reading one of Kurt's magazines while Rachel worked on homework at the kitchen table.
"Adam's going to stay the night," Kurt explained as he and Adam removed their jackets and shoes and tried to shake the wet snow out of their hair. "If that's okay?"
"Of course!" Rachel said, too quickly.
"Only if I can borrow some earplugs," Santana rolled her eyes.
Kurt glared at her.
"Oh," Rachel realized that "stay the night" wasn't a synonym for anything sexual, "well, I'll put clean sheets on my bed and you can sleep in my room," she said brightly to Adam. "And I'll sleep with Kurt."
"This just gets better by the second," Santana commented. She stood up, tossed Kurt's magazine on the couch, and wandered into the kitchen to make tea.
"Be quiet, Santana," Rachel snapped.
To Kurt's relief, the rest of the evening passed without further embarrassment. They only spent about an hour watching mindless television before going to bed because it was already so late.
"Oh my god," Rachel giggled, snuggling against Kurt once they were both settled into Kurt's bed, "we should do this more often!"
"It's hard to detach you from your 'roommate'," Kurt scolded, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. It felt like a sleepover.
"Is it weird that your boyfriend is sleeping in the next room?" Rachel whispered.
Kurt considered it. "Not really?" he decided.
"Mmm," Rachel hummed her understanding. "Well, I'm glad you're happy."
As Rachel fell asleep beside him, Kurt stared at the ceiling and couldn't stop thinking about Blaine.
KURT
The next morning, Kurt woke up to the sound of Rachel and Adam cheering from the kitchen. He climbed out of bed and got dressed as quickly as he could so he could see what the commotion was all about.
"Classes are canceled!" Rachel announced as Kurt emerged from his room. "Because of the snow!"
"We're stranded!" Adam feigned distress.
Kurt glanced over at where Santana was still asleep on the couch, a mask over her eyes and earplugs in her ears, before bounding over to a window in the kitchen. It looked like it had snowed all night, and it was still snowing a little bit. Kurt grinned as he turned back to Adam and Rachel.
"We are definitely going outside at some point," he told them, feeling unusually excited about the snowfall.
Kurt, Rachel, and Adam spent a good portion of the morning discussing NYADA and performance-related things. Santana, once she finally woke up, mostly ignored them in favor of aimlessly wandering around the apartment or lying on the couch playing games on her phone.
When it was time for lunch, Adam volunteered to cook for everyone. Kurt sat down at the table and they chatted while Adam prepared their food. They were laughing and exchanging Downton Abbey impressions when Santana wandered over.
"So, where are you from, Doctor Who?" she asked Adam, sounding like she had to talk about something or risk dying of boredom.
"Ah... England," Adam replied. "Do you know Essex?"
"No, never heard of it," Santana said immediately before turning her attention to Kurt. "Are you guys dating? Because at Mr. Schu's bomb of a wedding, you and Blaine, like..."
"Shut up, Santana," Kurt said softly but firmly, panic surging through him. He quickly recovered. "Rachel and I are letting you live here rent-free. The least you could do is –"
"Where is Rachel, anyway?" Santana interrupted. "Giving that living mannequin a bikini wax?"
"Brody is working and Rachel is in the bathroom," Adam explained.
"Well, let's hope that she's embracing her inner bulimic," Santana commented, "because let me tell you, homegirl has been looking extremely pumpkin-like. And not just 'cause of the tan-in-a-can."
Kurt was opening his mouth to protest the insult when the bathroom door opened and Rachel stepped out.
"Okay!" she exclaimed. "That's it! You're going to have to move out because this is our sanctuary. And by ours I mean mine and Kurt's. And, frankly, you make me feel uncomfortable. And Brody says that you make him feel uncomfortable, as well."
This was not the kind of snow day Kurt wanted to have.
"Girls! Girls, retract the claws, alright?" he interjected. "NYADA canceled all the classes because of the snow, so let's just cozy up to our little movie marathon." He turned to Santana. "Santana, did you go through our DVD collection?"
"I sure did," Santana said, scooping up a small stack of DVDs off the table. "Uh... Knocked Up? Hilarity. Rosemary's Baby? That's obviously Lady Hummel's. And, uh, She's Having a Baby!"
"I don't want to watch any of those," Rachel pouted from her place in the bathroom doorway.
"Oh, really, Rachel?" Kurt whined, twisting around to look at her. "Not even She's Having a Baby? Because you always cry at the end when Elizabeth McGovern has the baby."
"I'm not in the mood, okay?" Rachel shrugged. "I'm not in the mood."
"Okay, fine!" Kurt agreed, secretly glad that nobody wanted to watch Santana's picks. "Because I have made a selection that is perfect for being snowed in in New York City..." he stood up and picked up a DVD from the stack on the table. "Moulin Rouge, bitches! We love those dancin' hoes," he wiggled his shoulders as he held the DVD upright so the others could see it.
"Seriously," Santana said skeptically, looking from Kurt to Adam and then over to Rachel.
"Moulin Rouge it is!" Kurt declared happily, grinning at Adam as he hurried over to put the DVD in the player underneath the television.
Kurt regretted his choice as soon as the movie began.
It reminded him of Blaine.
He hadn't even thought about it when chose the DVD. It was a film he loved, so he had wanted to watch it. But, suddenly, Kurt couldn't concentrate on the film through the barrage of Blaine in his mind. Blaine loved this part. Blaine always laughed at that part. Blaine always sang this song.
He considered leaving the room – how long could he hide in the bathroom before the group noticed that he wasn't actually using the bathroom? – when Christian started to sing Your Song, but he decided to stay. He tried his best to ignore the way Christian looked at Satine as he serenaded her; it reminded him of the way Blaine looked at him. And Blaine had sung Your Song to Kurt for Valentine's Day a year earlier, after the party at Breadstix had started to settle down.
Valentine's Day.
Memories of Mr. Schu's failed wedding and the hotel room flooded through Kurt's mind, and he wished he hadn't done any of it. With Adam sitting beside him, the two days with Blaine felt like a horrible betrayal.
Elephant Love Medley was equally as painful. Kurt had to fight the urge to squirm as Christian's every move reminded him of Blaine. So in eager and in love and willing to throw everything else in the world away for that love.
But those emotions felt inconsequential as soon as the first note of Come What May began.
Kurt was supposed to sing Come What May with Blaine at their wedding.
The fantasy took control of Kurt's mind without his permission. It was a scenario Kurt had imagined many times. The two of them on a beautiful Parisian rooftop, singing together about their love overcoming all obstacles. As Satine and Christian sang together on the screen in front of him, Kurt sang the song with Blaine in his mind. Come what may, I will love you until my dying day.
The first time Come What May had come up as their song – their wedding song – was during their first summer together. Kurt had fantasized about marrying Blaine since the moment they met, but Blaine's "I love you" after Kurt returned from New York had made the fantasy seem inevitable. He was going to marry Blaine Anderson.
They had been cuddled together on Blaine's bed watching Moulin Rouge, and Kurt hadn't been paying attention to the movie in favor of daydreaming about all the romantic moments that were ahead for him and Blaine. So, when Come What May interrupted his thoughts in the midst of a flurry of fantasy wedding details, Kurt had let out a happy sigh and breathed: "It's perfect."
"What's perfect?" Blaine had asked, leaning up from his place behind Kurt to nuzzle his nose against Kurt's ear.
Kurt had blushed furiously and silently scolded himself for not keeping his thoughts inside his head, but he had rolled over to face Blaine and confess his fantasy.
"Let's dance to this song at our wedding," he had suggested shyly.
Kurt had expected a good-natured eye roll or a laugh, but, instead, Blaine had nodded happily and leaned in to kiss him. And, for the next few months, Blaine's ringtone for when Kurt called was an instrumental version of the song.
The second time Come What May had come up as their wedding song was in the weeks following Rachel and Finn's almost-wedding and Quinn's accident. To try to cheer themselves up, Kurt and Blaine had planned their wedding. The location, the colors, the outfits, the time of year, the food, the flowers, the essential guest list. And the music.
"... and Come What May for our first dance, right?" Blaine had asked, tapping his pen on the table as he studied the list of details in front of them.
Kurt had been delighted that Blaine remembered his idea and had immediately yanked Blaine to his feet so they could test the song with a slow dance in the middle of the Hummel-Hudson kitchen.
As Kurt watched himself sing the song with Blaine in his mind, all he could think about was how much he loved Blaine. How completely they loved each other and how suddenly their love had ceased to be enough. With one severe lapse in judgment, Blaine had shattered their future, and Kurt wasn't sure if he would ever fully recover from the heartache.
"Kurt, are you crying?" Adam's voice suddenly snapped Kurt back to reality.
"Um, no!" Kurt protested quickly. "No, my contacts are really bothering me right now."
"I didn't know you wear contacts," Rachel said, turning to look at him.
"Yes, Rachel, I just found out I have a slight astigmatism," Kurt lied sharply.
"Oh, I think I might have some solution in my bag..." Adam suggested, leaning away from Kurt to reach for his bag.
"No, no, I'm fine!" Kurt told him. "I'll be good. Don't– don't worry."
"I would've thought that you were crying," Santana commented, "because you and Blaine used to talk about how this was your dream – to sing this song to each other at your wedding."
"Did we?" Kurt asked, horrified. He didn't dare risk a glance at Adam.
"Yeah," Santana confirmed. "I remember you telling me that singing this song to someone was a more intimate act than sex."
"Who wants popcorn?" Kurt tried desperately to change the subject. He started to stand up. "Anyone...?"
"No, wait... hold on, I'm sorry, can we pause this for a second?" Santana said. She extended a hand in Kurt's direction to keep him from getting up as she stood up and grabbed the remote to pause the film. "Kurt, please sit down. I have something to say. And I've tried to keep it to myself, but I will be silent no longer."
For a moment, as he settled back into his seat between Adam and Rachel, Kurt's chest seized in fear that she was about to press the issue of him and Blaine. In front of Adam. What should he do? There was nothing he could do.
"What is it?" Rachel asked.
"That Brody character is a freakin' psycho," Santana said bluntly.
Kurt was equal parts hugely relieved and surprisingly intrigued with the sudden change of subject. If Santana was shifting topics so drastically, whatever she wanted to say about Brody must be worth hearing.
"Go on," Kurt pressed.
"Here we go..." Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Listen, when I first met him?" Santana explained, "Totally thought he was weird. He smelt all talcum-y like a Cabbage Patch doll. And then he said that I wasn't a real New Yorker until I had my first makeover and I was like 'what does that even mean? Like, who are you?'."
Kurt narrowed his eyes a little, relieved that someone else found Brody to be a little off.
"Oh, come on," Adam protested. "Brody's a sweetheart."
Kurt could kind of see that, too. Brody was an enigma.
"That's what I told myself, you know?" Santana replied. "I said 'so what if he's completely hairless and made out of plastic?' I'm going to look past the fact that he probably has a disgusting porn star landing strip –"
Kurt cringed at the mental image. He was still trying to forget the sight of Brody's naked body.
"– I'm gonna give Lars and the Real Boy one more chance," Santana continued. "But then, I found this."
She reached into her pocket and produced a large amount of cash.
"$1,200 in cash," she explained.
Kurt glanced at Rachel and then back at Santana, a sudden sliver of worry shoving its way into his mind. Was Brody into something illegal?
"When did you find that?" Rachel demanded.
"Last night when I was rooting through all the pockets and drawers in this apartment," Santana said, tossing the money onto the chair beside her.
"Wait, what?" Rachel gasped.
"Woah, woah, woah!" Kurt protested, thinking about the boyfriend pillow he had hidden under his bed and the photo frame with Blaine's picture in it that was hidden in one of his dresser drawers.
"Santana, you went through all of our stuff?" Rachel accused.
"Yeah, that's a thing I do," Santana shrugged.
"That's completely unacceptable!" Kurt disapproved.
"Oh, okay," Santana retorted. "I like how you guys pretend to be all accepting about everything, but when your friend suddenly shows up in your home, moves in, and goes through all your stuff, you're offended?"
"Just because he has a little money on him doesn't mean that he's a psycho," Adam said to Santana as Kurt and Rachel looked at each other and tried to figure out how to react to Santana's invasion of their privacy.
"That's what I thought, right?" Santana allowed. "Who cares if he's terrified of banks? 'Cause if I were made out of plastic, I'd be scared of a lot of things, too. Open flames, barbeques. But then, I found this."
She held up a little black rectangular device.
"What is that?" Kurt wondered.
"Is it a garage door opener?" Rachel guessed.
"This is a pager, my friends," Santana explained. "And there's only one type of person in this world that carries cash and a pager. Your friend Brody is a drug dealer."
Kurt wished that he didn't feel immediately suspicious. He glanced at Rachel as Santana tossed the pager onto the chair beside the bundle of cash.
"He... no!" Rachel said, pushing herself off the back of the couch to perch on the edge of her seat. "He is not a drug dealer!"
"Be in denial all you want," Santana said casually. "But mark my words: he's bad news."
"The cash and the pager are unusual," Adam allowed, "but –"
"You've been at that song and dance factory with him for three years," Santana interrupted, "and you mean to tell me that not once has anyone ever hinted that there's something suspicious going on with Plastic Man?"
Adam was silent for just too long. Rachel jumped to her feet to keep him from saying anything.
"Enough!" she threw her arms out in frustration. "You went snooping around – through our private stuff – searching for some scandal to gossip about, so of course you found one! Brody's things are Brody's business, not yours!"
"Technically it's your business, too," Santana said, unfazed, "since you two are playing house."
"Okay!" Kurt interjected, hoping to avoid a shouting match. "That's enough. Let's just... calm."
"Alright," Santana agreed, turning her attention to Kurt, "I'm happy to talk about you and Blaine, instead. Oh, please, don't look so scandalized. We all know –"
The power went out, taking with it both the electricity and, to Kurt's relief, Santana's train of thought.
The electricity stayed off all evening, which meant that Kurt was glad for Rachel's warm presence beside him when they finally went to bed. It wasn't dangerously cold, but it was slightly colder than normal and Kurt wasn't sure how cold it would be by morning.
Fortunately, the power came back on a little after two o'clock in the morning, and the last thing Kurt was conscious of before falling asleep was the satisfying sound of the heater humming back to life.
BLAINE
That evening, Blaine lay in bed and worried about Kurt for two reasons. First, because Kurt and Rachel's electricity had gone out earlier in the evening (a fact which Blaine knew only because Rachel had posted about it on every social media site she used). And, second, because Kurt had been mostly ignoring him since he had returned to New York.
Blaine wasn't sure what to make of Kurt's sudden lack of communication. He wanted to assume that Kurt was just trying to work things out in his mind – dealing with a resurgence of affection for Blaine – but he worried that maybe Kurt had gotten back to New York and had started to regret everything that had happened in Ohio.
What Blaine wanted to do – what he would've done if he and Kurt had been dating – was to call Kurt and ask about it. Confess that Kurt's silence made him nervous. But, above all else, Blaine didn't want to scare Kurt away again, so he resisted. He was going to have to wait until Kurt decided to share his feelings.
KURT
The next morning, Kurt, Adam, and Rachel gradually wore Santana down with a steady barrage of pleading until she agreed to venture out into the snow with them.
"If this ends badly, I'm selling all of your valuables to pay for my medical bills," Santana quipped as they stepped out the door of their building onto the snowy sidewalk. It had stopped snowing a few hours earlier, but the sky was still overcast.
"Come on, Santana," Rachel rolled her eyes and grabbed Santana's hand to pull her down the sidewalk toward a nearby park. "We're out here to have fun!"
It was a successful outing. They built a huge snowman in the park, joined a snowball fight with another group of people their age who were also out enjoying the snow, and took photos of everything with their phones. By the time they made it back to the apartment, Kurt could barely feel his fingers or toes, even though he was bundled up in all his winter gear.
"Admit it," Adam teased Santana as they peeled off their layers just inside the apartment door, "that was fun."
"Okay," Santana confessed, smiling widely, "it was fun."
They each showered and drank hot chocolate to warm up, and they relaxed around the apartment until the sun started to go down. Rachel volunteered to make dinner and started chopping vegetables in the kitchen as Kurt watched the snow fall and Adam lounged on the couch. Santana was pacing again.
"Oh my god, it's getting worse out there!" Kurt said as he surveyed the weather outside the window. "We've been snowed in for 48 hours."
He turned away from the window to return to the table where he was in the middle of a game of solitaire.
"Let's finish watching Moulin Rouge before we lose power again," he suggested as he walked. "Or start eating each other."
He didn't want to finish watching the film after what had happened the day before, but he knew that avoiding it would be suspicious since it had been his choice to watch it in the first place.
"Oh, no, please spare us," Santana protested, walking over to stand by his chair. "If I see one more scene of Satine coughing up blood into a handkerchief, I'm gonna start coughing up blood into a handkerchief."
"Come on, Santana, it's so good!" Rachel said from her place at the stove. "And we're right in the middle of it."
"Let's put it to a vote!" Adam suggested from the couch where he was reading a magazine.
"Yup," Rachel agreed.
"Oh, yeah, house vote!" Kurt approved. "I say 'yay'!"
"Yay!" Adam sang.
"Yay!" Rachel added. "Moulin Rouge it is!"
"What about Brody's vote?" Santana said mockingly. "Or do drug dealers not get to vote?"
"Okay, he's not a drug dealer," Rachel stressed, turning away from the stove to make sure Santana understood. "Please, okay, it's snowing outside. He's probably just stranded somewhere."
Kurt bit back a comment about Brody being gone all the time; it wasn't unusual for him to sleep elsewhere two or three nights in a week.
"Do you want me to call him?" Rachel asked. "Okay, I'll prove it to you."
She dialed Brody's number and put her phone on speaker so everyone could hear Brody's voice.
"Hey, Rach!" Brody answered.
"Hey, babe, where are you?" Rachel inquired.
"Ah, the bridges are closed," Brody explained. "I'm stuck at my friend's house in Manhattan. You remember Leo, right?"
Santana mimed doing drugs off the table as Rachel and Brody talked, and Kurt tried unsuccessfully not to laugh.
"Well, I miss you!" Rachel said to Brody as she turned back to the stove, away from Santana and Kurt. "We're in the middle of watching Moulin Rouge, so... we're getting to the part where Ewan McGregor cries."
"Hey, listen," Brody said distractedly, "I've gotta go. But I will be back as soon as I can."
"Okay," Rachel agreed before ending the call.
"There you go," she said, turning to wave the phone at Santana and Kurt, "okay?"
She looked anxious as she turned her back to them again.
"I'm with you," Kurt whispered, glancing up at Santana. "Drug dealer."
To avoid awkward silence, Kurt insisted that they finish watching Moulin Rouge as they ate dinner. This time it was Rachel who cried – at the end, when Satine dies – and Kurt found that separating the film from thoughts of Blaine was easier now that he knew what to expect. When the film ended, they cleaned up and played card games at the kitchen table until it was time for bed.
The snow stopped overnight and the trains started up again late the next morning, and Kurt hated that he felt a tinge of relief as he hugged Adam goodbye. When the door closed behind Adam and Kurt turned around to walk to the kitchen for some hot chocolate, he made a point to ignore the knowing look Santana was giving him from across the room.
BLAINE
When the day of the mash up competition arrived, Sam and Brittany did rock, paper, scissors to decide which team would go first. Brittany won the contest and the girls decided they wanted to go second, so the boys got dressed in their costumes and performed their Danger Zone/Old Time Rock and Roll mash up for the girls, Mr. Schu, and Finn.
It was a hit.
"Wow, okay, that was awesome!" Finn complimented as the cheering died down. "Where'd you come up with the inspiration for that?"
"Well," Artie explained, "it's our tribute to the early, macho cinema of one Mr. Tom Cruise."
"You can't handle the truth!" Joe quoted dramatically.
"That's actually Tom Nicolson, not Tom Cruise," Jake whispered.
"Girls!" Mr. Schu announced. "You're up!"
They did the Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend/Material Girl mash up from Moulin Rouge.
Blaine had a blast watching them perform, but the reference to one of his and Kurt's favorite movies meant that, by the time he got home later that afternoon, all he could think about was how much he missed Kurt.
Come What May was supposed to be their wedding song.
Despite his newfound certainty that Kurt loved him and would, eventually, want to give their relationship a second chance, the memory of the wedding they had planned together made Blaine's heart ache with loneliness. He did his homework and boxed for a short time on the punching bag in the garage before showering and climbing into bed for a restless night of sleep.
KURT
Classes finally resumed on Friday morning, and Kurt was glad to get out of Bushwick. Even his classes seemed more interesting than normal after a few days trapped in the apartment. During a two hour break between classes, Kurt grabbed a quick lunch before making his way to the dance studio to practice pirouetting. Thankfully, he had ended up in a dance class where the instructor was more encouraging than Cassandra July, but he still wanted to be better. Dancing had never come as naturally to him as it did to others. To Blaine.
"What's shakin', bacon?" Adam's voice greeted him from the doorway, startling Kurt out of his thoughts.
"Oh, hey!" Kurt smiled, glancing over his shoulder. "Just practicing my basic pirouettes. Every aspiring actor needs to know how to do 'em. Newsies is lousy with them," Kurt added as Adam walked into the room.
"Thanks for giving me shelter from the storm," Adam changed the subject. "I was a little sad we, uh, weren't snowed in a little longer."
Kurt panicked.
"Ah, I know," he said. "I always get a little sad when the sun comes out and the snow starts to melt and all the snowmen look like they have scoliosis."
Adam smiled and Kurt knew he couldn't dodge meaningful conversation forever. He tried to slow his mind down enough to speak calmly. "But it was nice to hang out with you and watch a few movies," he added.
"Well, a movie," Adam teased.
"A movie," Kurt repeated nervously, and an awkward silence fell between them.
What could he say? He had chosen the film. And then, instead of enjoying it and enjoying cuddling on the couch with his boyfriend and his best friend, he had cried about Blaine in front of everyone.
"Look, Kurt, about that," Adam shifted on his feet, and Kurt braced himself for even more embarrassment. "I... I'm going to ask you something. And I want you to be honest."
Kurt didn't agree, but he didn't disagree, either. He just waited for Adam to continue.
"You and Blaine did used to sing that duet together, didn't you?" Adam asked.
Kurt hated that, so many months after their break up, the thought of Blaine could still make him want to burst into tears. He fought them back as he looked into Adam's eyes and knew that he owed him the truth.
"Yeah," Kurt admitted. "But it feels like a lifetime ago."
He barely remembered what it felt like to be Blaine's boyfriend. He missed it terribly. The warm feeling of being so loved.
"Maybe that's what's hard about it," Kurt added.
Their breakup had been so sudden. Neither one of them had wanted to break up, but Blaine's actions had forced Kurt to honor his principles and sever what had otherwise been a loving relationship. And now, months later, Kurt was starting to realize that what he had once had with Blaine might truly be gone forever. It was starting to feel like part of his past, something that he had been part of once and would never be part of again, and Kurt was struggling to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life with his first love.
Adam studied Kurt's face for a moment before responding.
"You still love him, don't you?" Adam asked, and Kurt felt a horrible stab of guilt. Why was this so complicated?
When Kurt didn't answer immediately, Adam guessed the answer to his question and asked another. "Was I your rebound?"
"No," Kurt replied immediately. "No."
But he wasn't sure. Blaine had been his first boyfriend. Kurt didn't know anything about rebound relationships. He didn't mean for Adam to be a rebound.
"Because I can't compete with a fantasy, Kurt," Adam pressed.
Kurt tried to think of words to say that would explain how he felt. How was he ever going to reconcile his love for Blaine with the hurt that Blaine had caused? He wasn't going back to a cheater, but it was so hard to let go.
"I desperately want to be over him," Kurt finally managed. "Really, I do."
It was probably the most honest thing he had ever said to Adam. He wanted to be over Blaine. He wanted to move on and away from the pain. He was mentally exhausted from trying so hard to push his love for Blaine away with the knowledge that Blaine had hurt him so profoundly. He just wanted it to be over so he could move on with his life.
He watched Adam consider his words and wished that all of this wasn't hurting Adam, too.
Adam smiled slightly, and Kurt wondered if they were about to break up. Adam would let him down gently.
"Good," Adam said. "Then let's go to the movies. Right now."
Kurt couldn't comprehend fast enough to say anything, so he just gaped at Adam.
"Oh, I am serious," Adam playfully answered Kurt's unspoken question. "We are going to go and find the sappiest love story that we can," he stepped forward and reached out to take Kurt's hand in his, "and then that will be our movie."
Kurt glanced down at their intertwined hands and back up at Adam's smiling face, and, for the first time, he internalized the idea that he could be happy with Adam. Actually happy. It was difficult for Kurt to imagine "the one" now that the person he had thought was "the one" had hurt him so severely, but Adam was someone Kurt could have a future with.
The sudden rush of affection startled Kurt, and he realized he was just staring at Adam.
"I... I'm sorry."
Kurt shook his head. That wasn't what he meant to say.
"Sorry?" Adam's face fell, and Kurt rushed to explain himself.
"No, no. I mean... I'm just sorry that I'm so emotional about something that happened so long ago. It's not fair to you. I'd love to see a sappy movie with you right now."
"It's okay, Kurt," Adam said kindly, and Kurt squeezed Adam's hand to thank him. "Now," Adam said with a grin, "let's go make some fresh memories."
"Yeah," Kurt agreed, smiling despite the dull ache in his chest. It was strange to feel both hopeful and sad at the same time.
He had to stop waiting for his feelings for Blaine to go away. He needed to move forward and take himself to a place where letting go of Blaine wouldn't feel so horrible.
He needed to be as committed to Adam as he had expected Blaine to be to him.
They had a great afternoon. There weren't any sappy love stories showing at the movie theater near campus, so they ditched the movie idea and had a nice lunch together, instead. Kurt kept himself engaged in Adam and the afternoon flew by.
"So," Adam asked as they walked to the train station, their intertwined hands swinging between them, "how was that?"
"Really nice," Kurt admitted, glancing at Adam. "I will always remember this day," he teased.
"Excellent," Adam commented as they reached the point where they had to separate so Kurt could catch a train to Bushwick. He leaned down and pecked a kiss on Kurt's lips. "See you this weekend?" he grinned.
"Sure," Kurt returned the smile. "I've got work tomorrow, but maybe dinner after?"
"It's a date," Adam agreed.
The train ride home was strange for Kurt; usually, he rode the train home when it was nearly dark outside, but he was skipping his final class of the day so the sun was still hours from setting.
It was a lot of time alone with his thoughts.
He had a good time with Adam. Adam was everything he wanted in a boyfriend. But he didn't make Kurt feel the way he had felt when he first started dating Blaine, and Kurt wasn't sure why.
BLAINE
On Friday afternoon, New Directions gathered in the choir room to hear who had won the mash up competition.
"Girls rule, as usual," Tina said confidently as they waited.
"We should win for these sweet glasses alone," Sam commented, still wearing the sunglasses the guys had worn during their mash up performance. He put his hand up and Ryder high fived him.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Mr. Schu grabbed the group's attention as he walked into the room, "the time has come for the announcement of this year's mash-off winner!"
"Who, of course," Artie reminded them, "will be starring in my senior film project: Hollywood Hootenanny. A tribute to dance on film."
The group stared at Mr. Schu, waiting to find out who won the competition.
"And the winner is... everyone!" Mr. Schu announced happily.
"What?" Tina cried.
"Why do you always do this?" Blaine whined.
Everyone was upset. Ryder threw a chair and then asked why they had even made it a competition in the first place.
"Calm down, y'all!" Artie shouted, "Calm down! After exhaustive storyboarding and pre-production, I realized that I needed a lot of talented bodies to make this film great. So, choosing one winner was just simply impossible!"
"That is exactly right," Mr. Schu agreed. "Uh, Finn, can I talk to you in the hallway for a sec?"
"Yeah, everybody's gonna be in it!" Artie reassured the group as Finn and Mr. Schu left the room.
"Who's gonna be the lead?" Tina asked.
"There is no lead," Artie explained. "It's just– it's an ensemble."
"We're a great leading pair," Blaine said, motioning between himself and Tina.
"We're a good team," Tina approved.
"You guys are awesome together," Artie agreed as he tried to field all the questions being thrown at him. "But look, look... okay, just listen for a second!"
Everyone fell silent.
"All the details will be decided in the coming weeks," Artie explained. "But right now, you guys are seriously stifling my... everything."
"We're excited," Sugar explained.
"Yes, and I welcome that enthusiasm," Artie said, softening his tone of voice. "Which is why I think we should come up with a contender for Regionals that heavily features our dance moves."
The group buzzed with approval as Artie added, "It'll be good practice."
By the time Mr. Schu and Finn returned to the choir room, the students had decided on the perfect song.
"We're gonna do Footloose!" Artie announced as Mr. Schu and Finn walked toward them. "It'll be –"
Blaine kicked Artie's wheelchair to cut him off.
"We're going to head to the auditorium to start working on choreography," he said firmly. Mr. Schu and Finn had clearly been arguing in the hallway, and Blaine didn't want whatever was going on between them affecting the morale of the group.
"Uh... yeah," Artie agreed after a quick glance over his shoulder at Blaine. "We're gonna go, yeah, choreography."
Finn went with them, but Mr. Schu didn't. Blaine hung back to walk with Finn behind the rest of the group and decided he had to say something. But, before he could ask, Finn supplied the answer to Blaine's first question.
"It's just a thing between Mr. Schu and me," Finn said as they walked together. He glanced at Blaine, his expression sad but confident. "It's not going to affect our work."
"Okay," Blaine agreed, deciding to let it go even though he wanted to push for more details. Finn was tense, like he felt unwelcome, and Blaine wondered if Mr. Schu felt threatened by Finn's presence as a second instructor for New Directions.
Blaine paused in the doorway to the auditorium, forcing Finn to stop walking. He put his fist out.
"I'm glad you're here," Blaine said, hoping to alleviate any doubt in Finn's mind. Blaine wished they spent more time together, and he made a mental note to set up a day of video games or something else that would be fun with Finn and Sam sometime in the near future.
Finn's face softened slightly as he reached out and bumped his fist against Blaine's.
"Thanks."
KURT
Rachel was the only person home when Kurt walked through the door that afternoon after his introspective train ride home. She was lying on the couch watching The Wizard of Oz.
"Hey," she twisted her head to say hello as Kurt hummed his approval at the film.
"Remember when we broke into Gershwin Theatre?" Kurt grinned despite all the conflicting emotions bouncing around in his mind.
"Oh god," Rachel giggled, muting the television and sitting up so she could watch Kurt walk into his room and drop his bag on his bed before walking back out into the living area. "That was so fun!"
"Oh, to be young and innocent again!" Kurt said overly-dramatically, dropping onto the couch beside Rachel. "All of this," he motioned around them, "seemed like such a fantasy."
Rachel leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder and they stared at the muted television screen.
"Where're Brody and Santana?" Kurt wondered.
"Brody's still at NYADA and who knows where Santana is," Rachel explained. "How was your day?"
"Fine," Kurt allowed. "You?"
"Pretty boring," she admitted. "Better now, though. It's been so long since we've just relaxed like this!"
"Yeah," Kurt teased, "it's hard to cuddle with your best friend when she's usually cuddling with someone else behind a curtain."
"Shut up!" Rachel whined, sitting up and nudging his shoulder with hers. "Maybe you should cuddle with your boyfriend more and it wouldn't be an issue!"
"Well, I –" Kurt started to say "Well, I would if he wasn't hundreds of miles away!" but caught himself and fell silent.
"You okay?" Rachel asked as she watched him as he tried to justify thinking of Blaine as his boyfriend rather than Adam.
"Not really," he admitted as tears blurred his vision.
Rachel grabbed one of his hands and waited.
"I slept with Blaine on Valentine's Day," Kurt confessed.
"I know," Rachel said gently.
"You know?" Kurt retorted.
"I assumed," Rachel corrected. "You two looked... comfortable. Together."
"We're not together," Kurt snapped.
"Okay," Rachel agreed, backtracking. "Well, what about you and Adam? I mean, have you...?"
"No, Rachel," Kurt rolled his eyes. "We haven't. Because I'm not interested in jumping in bed with a guy I've only known a few months."
"You're upset," Rachel forgave him for the jab at her relationship with Brody. "Of course you are. Blaine was your first love, and –"
"I feel like I'm cheating on him," Kurt blurted.
It was a realization as much as a confession and it stunned Kurt into silence.
He felt like he was cheating on Blaine with Adam. Like somehow, despite their separation, he was still supposed to be holding onto hope for him and Blaine as a couple.
Rachel broke the silence. "You're not–"
"I know!" Kurt moaned quietly, letting his head fall onto the back of the couch. "But how am I supposed to really move on and give Adam a fair chance when I'm so stuck?"
"I don't know," Rachel admitted. She pulled her hand out of Kurt's so she could gather him into a hug as Kurt let his tears fall.
Rachel held him as he cried for a few minutes and, gradually, Kurt started to feel angry. Horribly, uncontrollably angry.
"I'm going to call him," he said suddenly, pulling out of Rachel's embrace to stand up.
"I don't –" Rachel stood up after him.
"I don't need your permission, Rachel!" Kurt snapped.
He could see that she had been crying with him – her eyes were red and puffy – and he immediately regretted his words.
"I'm sorry," he said before taking a deep breath and saying it again. "I'm sorry."
Rachel nodded. She glanced at Kurt's phone as he pulled it out of his pocket. "I'll just... text me if you need anything," she turned and walked away, grabbing her jacket before she disappeared out the door.
The phone was ringing in Kurt's ear by the time the door clicked closed behind her.
"Hello?"
Blaine's voice was surprised and happy, and something about the casual attitude fueled Kurt's rage.
"We're done," he said, trying find a tone of voice that was serious and angry without being out of control and hateful.
"Uh– what?" Blaine asked, his voice immediately hesitant. Kurt could hear the hum of voices in the background, and he glanced at the clock and realized that he had probably interrupted the end of glee rehearsal. As the background noise faded away, Kurt knew that Blaine was probably trying to find a quiet place to talk. Maybe an empty classroom.
"I know you're waiting," Kurt explained. "I know you're waiting for me to... come to my senses, or something, and come back to you. But I won't."
Kurt thought he heard Blaine say "okay", but it was so quiet that he wasn't sure if he had imagined it. And he couldn't stop the worlds that were tumbling out of his mouth long enough to let Blaine say anything, anyway.
"We had something special," Kurt raged, his voice rising in pitch and volume as he got more and more worked up. "I loved you more than I've ever allowed myself to love anyone and I trusted you to love me back –"
Blaine tried to interrupt, but Kurt ignored him and kept going.
"– and now I'm never going to be able to love or trust anyone the same way again!" Kurt shouted.
"You stole that from me," Kurt accused furiously. He felt insane. Like he wasn't completely in control of his body.
"I'm so, so sorry, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice trembling with emotion.
Kurt wanted continue screaming. Wanted to say all the angry words that were bouncing around in his head. But a sudden, overwhelming exhaustion settled over him and he sank onto the couch and let himself fall over so he was lying on his side. The abrupt lack of energy, coupled with the tiny part of his brain that was scolding him for screaming at Blaine in the first place, brought him back to himself enough to finish the conversation with a little less hysteria.
"I don't want to talk anymore," he said softly.
"Can I say something?" Blaine asked carefully.
"That's not what I mean," Kurt replied, frustrated that Blaine had misunderstood.
There was silence on the other end of the phone, and it was the most uncomfortable silence Kurt had ever experienced. He fought desperately against the tightening in his chest as he thought about his future without Blaine.
"I don't want that."
The pain in Blaine's voice was so intense that Kurt considered hanging up so he wouldn't have to keep listening. As his fury was slipping away, he was starting to doubt his plan, but his brain told him to go through with it. If he didn't cut Blaine out of his life, he wasn't sure he could really continue living.
"I don't want that," Blaine repeated, his voice tinged with anxiety, and Kurt wasn't sure how much time had passed since the first time he said it. "Kurt?"
"Yeah," Kurt acknowledged that he was still there. He felt as if he had cried out all the tears in his body. He was just lying there on the couch staring at nothing with the phone pressed against his ear.
"Please don't say goodbye," Blaine asked softly.
Kurt's tears returned so fast he could barely remember that he had ever stopped crying.
"I don't want to talk anymore," he repeated his words from earlier in the conversation. "I'm sorry."
Blaine hesitated, and Kurt despised the pain that hung between them. He could tell that Blaine didn't know what to say. What was appropriate in a moment like this?
"I love you so much, Kurt," Blaine said softly and earnestly, and Kurt felt as if he had suddenly swallowed a rock. Blaine sounded as exhausted and overwhelmed as Kurt felt.
"I love you, too," Kurt managed to choke out, and he ended the call before he could change his mind.
BLAINE
"Kurt?"
Blaine pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it as he realized that Kurt had hung up. He put the phone down on the desk in front of him – he had slipped into an empty classroom down the hall from the choir room – and rubbed the base of his neck, reminding himself to breathe.
Kurt's outburst wasn't completely unexpected. After what had happened between them on Valentine's Day, Kurt had been distant and Blaine had imagined that Kurt was stuck in his thoughts. But Blaine had not anticipated anything as severe as Kurt's sudden decision to sever all ties between them.
He could hear New Directions singing down the hallway, working on vocals for Footloose, and he silently told himself to get up and go back to rehearsal. He was captain of New Directions. President of the student body. He had responsibilities. He couldn't fall apart at school.
But Kurt had just ended their friendship and Blaine felt like the heartbreak was going to crack his chest open. He wasn't going to do any more singing or dancing today. In a daze, Blaine stood up, grabbed his phone, and walked slowly back down the hallway to the choir room. His car keys were in his bag, so he had to retrieve it. He couldn't just run away like he wanted to.
He was so caught up in thinking about Kurt that he didn't consider how distraught he looked, so he was startled when his reappearance in the choir room caused a mini uproar among the other students.
"Oh my god, Blaine! Are you okay?" Marley gasped as he walked through the door. Everyone in the room turned to look at him, but Blaine ignored them and rushed across the room to grab his bag off the floor beside his chair. He knew he would have to explain his behavior later, but he couldn't say anything now. He needed to cry and he didn't want to do that in front of everyone.
When Blaine turned toward the door with his bag over his shoulder, Finn was standing in his path.
"I'll walk you out," Finn said, and Blaine was too emotionally drained to argue. He followed Finn out of the room, grateful when nobody tried to stop him. He was intensely aware of Sam watching him as he walked by, and he made sure to avoid his friend's gaze. He would talk to Sam later.
Finn walked with him, silent, all the way to Blaine's car. But, as Blaine reached for the door handle, Finn put a hand on his arm.
Blaine knew what was going to happen when he looked up and met Finn's eyes, but he couldn't stop himself. He glanced up at Finn and started to cry.
"Okay," Finn said, wrapping Blaine in a hug. "Okay." Blaine wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Blaine or himself.
Blaine cried until he ran out of energy and his tears faded enough that he pulled out of the hug and attempted an apologetic smile.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"No, man, don't be sorry," Finn said immediately. "Are you –?"
"Kurt doesn't... want to talk to me anymore," Blaine explained slowly.
"Oh," Finn said, and Blaine knew that Finn understood how that felt.
Blaine took a few deep breaths and met Finn's gaze again.
"I'm okay," he lied.
"I don't think so," Finn disagreed. "Maybe you should let me drive you home or something."
Blaine shook his head. "I can drive, I promise. If I can't, I'll pull over."
Finn considered it, and Blaine hoped that he wouldn't press the issue. All Blaine wanted was to get home.
"Will you be at school tomorrow?" Finn asked.
"Yes," Blaine said immediately.
"Okay," Finn said reluctantly.
"Thanks, Finn," Blaine said. "You're–" he felt tears returning to his eyes, so he shortened the sentiment "– a great friend."
"Look who's talking," Finn said, punching Blaine's shoulder gently. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this. See you tomorrow."
Blaine nodded and pulled the car door open so he could climb into the driver's seat. Finn waved at him as he started the car and began the drive home, and then it was just Blaine and the silence of his car. But he didn't dare turn on the radio, because he didn't want to have another meltdown until he was safe in his bedroom.
KURT
After his phone call with Blaine, Kurt's mission for the evening became stay busy. He did everything he could think of to keep his mind off of Blaine. He was trying to pour all of his concentration into memorizing lines for a short play he and a few of his fellow students had been assigned for one of his classes when his phone vibrated. Instantly, all of his careful concentration crumbled and he snatched the phone off the table to see who was texting him.
From Finn: Rough day?
None of your business, Kurt replied quickly.
Blaine must've told him. Of course Blaine told him. Kurt had called during the middle of glee rehearsal. Everyone probably knew.
I know, Finn agreed. Just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Kurt took a deep breath and reminded himself that Finn wasn't out to get him. Finn was just worried about him. And Blaine. His step-brother and his friend.
I'll be fine, Kurt replied.
Let me know if you want to talk or need anything, okay? Gotta look out for my baby bro, Finn said. Kurt rolled his eyes, imagining the grin on Finn's face as he typed "baby bro".
Thanks, Kurt sent back. Say hi to Dad and Carole for me.
I will, Finn agreed. Goodnight.
Goodnight, Kurt echoed.
He put his phone down on the table and glanced at his homework. He wasn't going to be able to concentrate anymore tonight. He gathered everything up and put it back into his bag before stuffing his phone in his pocket and wandering to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
The unwritten suggestion in Finn's texts wouldn't leave Kurt's mind as he washed his face and rubbed moisturizer into his skin. Finn never checked in to make sure Kurt was okay, but he had this time. Because Blaine probably wasn't okay. Kurt wished that he didn't feel badly about causing Blaine pain. He had every right to cut Blaine out of his life. They hadn't been boyfriends for months. And it was Blaine's fault in the first place, Kurt tried to reassure himself.
As he wandered out of the bathroom, Kurt remembered that Rachel had hurried away to leave him alone so he could call Blaine.
It's okay to come back, he texted her, suddenly craving her company.
A few minutes later, as Kurt was lying on the couch watching reality television and starting to wonder if he should call someone about his missing roommates, Rachel replied.
I found Santana. We're in Manhattan to meet Brody for a night out. Don't wait up.
Kurt frowned, wondering how Rachel had convinced Santana to go out with her and Brody.
Please be safe, he sent back.
I will! Rachel responded. Are you okay?
Yes, Kurt told her.
Good, Rachel said. Love you!
Love you too, Kurt replied before tossing his phone on the coffee table and turning his attention back to the mind-numbing television.
BLAINE
Neither of Blaine's parents was at home when he arrived, much to his relief. He went immediately upstairs to his bedroom, closed the door, and fell onto his bed to sob out his heartache. After such an amazing few days with Kurt, he had allowed himself to really hope that things were going to work out between them, so the blow of Kurt's sudden desire to stop speaking was especially painful. And the guilt of what he had done months earlier started to fill Blaine up again, like it had in the weeks following their breakup. He had caused this, and Kurt's decision was just a reminder that he was going to have to live with the emotional scars of his infidelity for the rest of his life.
When he finally calmed down enough to stop crying, he fell asleep for a short period of time. He was startled awake by the sound of the door slamming closed downstairs, and he heard his mother's voice.
"Blaine?" she called up the stairs.
"Hi, Mom!" he shouted back, glad when his voice came out sounding strong and normal.
That seemed to satisfy her, because she didn't say anything else. Blaine pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking for a distraction.
There was a stream of text messages from Sam asking Blaine to call him. Blaine frowned, worried, and quickly dialed Sam's number.
"Hello?" Sam answered.
"Hey, it's me," Blaine said. "You okay?"
"What?" Sam asked.
"You wanted me to call...?" Blaine reminded him.
"You seriously think I wanted you to call because I'm not okay?" Sam scolded.
"Oh," Blaine realized. He didn't know what else to say.
"Kurt was upset, huh?" Sam guessed.
"He doesn't want us to talk anymore," Blaine explained. After his short nap, he felt surprisingly calm.
Sam hummed sympathetically. "Sorry."
"I'll be okay," Blaine tried to reassure them both.
"Let's have dinner or something," Sam suggested.
"What?" Blaine laughed. "Sam –"
"Why not?" Sam interrupted. "Give me one reason – one good reason – why we can't hang out right now."
Blaine couldn't think of anything.
"I'm coming over," Sam declared.
"Sam!" Blaine halfheartedly protested, but Sam had ended the call.
He was knocking on the front door ten minutes later.
"You were already on your way over," Blaine rolled his eyes as he opened the door.
"Yup," Sam nodded as he stepped into the house. "If you had said no I was going to use that grappling hook we made to break into Dalton to climb up to your window and force my way in. So, this is easier." He smiled.
Blaine couldn't help but smile, too.
"Finn explained what happened when he came back to the choir room," Sam added, "so..."
Blaine thought he should probably be upset that Finn had told everyone about his conversation with Kurt and that Sam had just invited himself over, but he was too happy to see Sam to feel anything but relief as Sam wrapped him in a quick hug.
They stopped to say hello to Blaine's parents – his father had come home without Blaine noticing – before they went up to Blaine's room and spent the next three hours playing video games. By the time Blaine's mom came by to say goodnight and Blaine and Sam realized it was late, Blaine felt relaxed and happy. He loved being around Sam. It reminded him that Kurt wasn't the only quality person in his life. He had friends. Dear friends.
"Well," Sam said as he stood up, "I guess that's my cue to leave."
"No!" Blaine protested. "Sam, it's late. You can sleep here."
"Nah," Sam disagreed. "It's not that late and I'm usually the one to make breakfast for my little brother and sister. I'll text you when I get home so you know I made it."
"Okay," Blaine agreed.
They walked together to the front door and Blaine pulled Sam into a hug.
"Thank you," he said as he squeezed Sam and wished he could say more about how much it meant to him that Sam had come to check on him. "I think I needed this."
"Yeah, pretty much," Sam teased as they stepped back out of the hug. "See ya tomorrow?"
Blaine nodded and held the door open for Sam. He watched until Sam's car disappeared from view before closing the door and returning to his bedroom.
He felt better.
Kurt's decision that they should stop communicating still hurt. The guilt about sleeping with Eli and what that action had done to his relationship with Kurt was still there. But the confidence that Blaine had rediscovered when Kurt had trusted him enough to dance with him and sleep with him on Valentine's Day had made a strong comeback over the course of the evening.
As he climbed into bed, Blaine decided that he would honor Kurt's request. No communication, for now. He would continue to be patient and let Kurt work things out. They were meant to be together and, somehow, things would work out between them. Kurt just needed more time.
He had just drifted off to sleep when his phone buzzed on his nightstand and woke him up again. It was a text message from Sam. Home safe! Hope the bro time cheered you up.
Blaine shifted the phone in his hand to type a response, but another message from Sam buzzed in.
We should come up with secret names for our phone communications. Like I'll be Red Leader and you can be Gold Leader. That way nobody will know who we're talking to if they steal our phones.
Blaine laughed. You always cheer me up, he replied. Goodnight, Red Leader.
Ten four, Gold Leader, Sam texted back, and Blaine returned his phone to his bedside table and rolled over to fall back asleep.
He was going to be okay.
KURT
When Kurt finally made it to bed late that evening, he found it predictably difficult to fall asleep. He tossed and turned, trying to make his brain stop thinking so he could get some rest. Instead, trying not to think seemed to have the opposite effect and Kurt found himself trying to make sense of everything.
Regardless of why, he had broken the strict moral code he had set for himself by having sex with Blaine on Valentine's Day. He had gone to Ohio and had an emotional and physical affair with Blaine and had returned to New York and lied to Adam about it.
It bothered him that he felt like he understood Blaine a little bit better after what had happened on Valentine's Day. Now Kurt knew what it felt like to crave something so severely that it impaired his judgment. In the same way that Blaine had allowed himself to be lured into a sexual encounter with a stranger because he felt desperately lonely, Kurt had allowed himself to sleep with Blaine because he felt so warm and safe and loved in Blaine's presence.
It wasn't the same. Not exactly. But just knowing that he had so willingly allowed himself to stray from his moral code was eating away at Kurt's soul. And it made him angry that Blaine still had such emotional power in his life.
At the same time, the situation was nudging Kurt to feel more empathy for Blaine than he had in the past. Blaine had cheated, but he was still the sweet, eager person Kurt loved so much. He had done a bad thing in a moment of emotional distress, but Kurt was starting to realize that, maybe, that one moment shouldn't define Blaine's entire life.
Kurt kept his eyes closed and hoped that he would fall asleep despite his whirling thoughts, but he just felt restless. After a few minutes of trying to pretend he was going to fall asleep, he had to get out of bed and do something. He opted to pull on as many layers of clothing as he could find so he could climb out the window onto the fire escape. The crisp nighttime air felt great on his face, and Kurt liked that there was ambient noise outside. He sat down on the stairs and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.
He was still in love with Blaine.
He had never stopped loving Blaine. He had known it all along. He had known it the night Blaine confessed his infidelity and brought their relationship crashing to the ground. He had known it every time Blaine called or emailed or send Kurt something in the mail in the weeks following their separation. He had known it when he saw Blaine in Grease and when he had talked to Blaine on Thanksgiving and when he had seen Blaine at Christmas. And he had certainly known it when he had seen Blaine – been with Blaine – on Valentine's Day.
But Kurt couldn't decide if love was enough. Blaine cheated. Kurt had considered the issue of trust over and over and over again since they had broken up. Every time he thought of Blaine. Every time he saw Blaine. Could he ever really trust Blaine again?
It felt like an unanswerable question.
So, he was stalling. Trying not to commit to anything or anyone until some magical moment when he would know.
Kurt stared out at the city – the place that was now his home – and let himself remember the wedding he and Blaine had planned together. He could still see it all so clearly. It still felt so right.
But Blaine had cheated.
Kurt felt as if his mind was thinking in circles, so he changed tactics.
He thought about Adam. Adam was wonderful. Mature, kind, funny, thoughtful, and talented. Kurt genuinely enjoyed their time together; it felt like an adult relationship. It was new, yes, but Kurt knew that he and Adam had potential as a couple.
But Kurt couldn't imagine their wedding. He could envision what he would wear and what Adam would wear. He could come up with the perfect color scheme. He could think of a venue that would work perfectly. But he couldn't see the moment. He couldn't smell the food or hear the music. He couldn't see Adam's face at the end of a long aisle.
Was it because their relationship was so new that they just weren't in that place yet? Or was it his mind's way of telling him that Adam wasn't the one?
He wanted to believe that he wasn't sure, but he knew the answer.
He liked Adam. There was very little he didn't like about Adam. But he didn't love him. No matter how much he wanted to fall in love with Adam, his heart wasn't letting him.
Adam was a friend. Not a boyfriend.
They broke up on Saturday evening.
It went about as well as Kurt expected. Adam was disappointed, and a little upset that he had been Kurt's rebound – purposefully or not – but they talked through it and, by the end, decided to remain friends. Kurt knew that "friends" was probably code for "friendly acquaintances", but he was just grateful that their breakup was as amicable as a breakup could be.
On Sunday morning, Kurt told Rachel, Santana, and Brody as they all sat at the table eating breakfast.
"Well, that's a surprise," Santana said monotonously, barely glancing at him.
Rachel was more empathetic. "I'm sorry, Kurt," she said. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Kurt nodded. "I think... it was more of a fizzling out than a sharp break, so..." he shrugged.
It surprised him how not upset he was about breaking up with Adam. He felt sad when he thought about it, and a little embarrassed, but nothing that was going to affect his daily life. Nothing like the gut-wrenching pain of separating from Blaine.
"I think," Kurt added as Rachel and Brody looked at him and he could tell Santana was listening even though she was focused on her food, "it's time to try being happily single for a while."
I still can't believe they actually did Come What May. My dream! And it was Kurt's fantasy, hallelujah. This is the first indication we've gotten in quite a while of how Kurt is feeling. I think the most telling part of this episode is that, despite his love for Blaine, Kurt is still harboring enough pain that he won't consider giving their relationship a second chance. So, this felt like the right time for Kurt to have a bit of a meltdown. He's dealing with the moral ambiguity of what happened with Blaine on Valentine's Day (less than a week prior) and with his lack of strong feelings for Adam. Plus, he's been in New York for about six months at this point and that's generally when reality starts to set in and you ask yourself what the hell you were thinking leaving home, even if you're enjoying your new life. Add to all of those emotions what I assume is a strenuous load at NYADA and work at Vogue dot com and it's a lot to deal with!
Kurt and Blaine don't talk (on the show) for five episodes after this one and, in the meantime, are both involved in specific individual storylines, so I think it makes sense that maybe they're not really talking for a while. Or it CAN make sense, so that's where I'm going with it. ;) It's strange that the writers essentially dropped the Klaine storyline after this episode; Kurt fantasizes about singing Come What May with Blaine and then... nothing? Nothing at all until Kurt returns to Ohio for Burt's appointment in the penultimate episode of the season. Who knows what they were thinking, but I think it's interesting to consider the idea that maybe Kurt decides to just be Kurt for a while. Single in New York because he decides to be single in New York.
Which brings us to Adam. I could talk a lot about wasted potential here, but I think all that's important about Adam at this point is that Kurt just can't bring himself to open up to him. Adam's a sweet guy. On paper, he's everything Kurt wants in a boyfriend. But he's not Blaine. So, in terms of our overall narrative, he never had a chance. The writers leave us with a Kurt/Adam moment that's vague in terms of where they stand, but I think the rest of the season makes it clear that this was the end of Kurt and Adam's relationship. This is Adam's last episode (as of the end of season 4). Let's imagine that Adam goes off and finds himself a lovely man to spend his life with and lives happily ever after! :)
Okay, now that I've droned on and on... one request? PLEASE no spoilers for season 5 in the comments/reviews! Some people are avoiding spoilers, so I like for this to be a safe zone in that respect. Thank you! :)
Up next... 4x16: Feud!