Chapter 5: Insecurities

Fuck me and everything I stand for. I was late. Late by two minutes. Two whole minutes. I only hoped Marco wouldn't mind – I prayed that Star wouldn't.

There was issues when it came to either of them, really. Star was a known. A really… sour known. I knew how much she hated me for dumping her. She'd probably already tried to convince Marco not to bother going out with me, because I'm a 'menace to society', or some other crap. I can't blame her, though… I really am a menace. But I knew that, so long as nothing fucks up within a 10% margin of error, I should be good.

As for Marco… well, I hardly knew anything about Marco. All I know is how protective he is of Star, as seen my him chopping my hand off, and by heedlessly knocking Star away from me at the ball. He must be a pretty selfless guy, if he was willing to do all that. He also told me… how nervous he was all that time during the dance. He seemed so shy… but when he was around Star, he was nothing but confident and protective. I guess he was just nervous being in the moment.

Either way, being two minutes late could cost me a Super Magical Cupcake Barrage, or… something. I really did hope Star didn't try and slander me and my name behind my back after the ball.

After getting Marco in the car, I looked back to Star. Her eyes were… just what I feared they would be. They were serious, and seething. They were like daggers as I got in the coach myself, warning me that if I hurt him, there would be worse than pain.

When we got through the portal, I tried to judge Marco's reaction as we descended to Hell. He looked out the window in wonder, with his hands pressed against the glass and a "Whoa…"

"You like it?"

"It's… not as fiery as I thought it would be…"

"Eh." I shrugged. "It's fiery enough. But that's because we're close to the estates. It's mostly stone around there. Definitely some fire pits here and there, but obsidian is usually the cut for high-end mansions and castles."

He grinned ear-to-ear looking around the windows to get a good look at everything as we passed by. Earth was so different than down here, so I imagined his reaction would be either complete disgust or… this. I was just relieved it was the latter.

God… he was breathtaking. His eyes sparkling against the moving lamplight, full of awe and wonder, his smile lighting his face up brighter than a lava flow.

But that smile faded after a little while. "Where are we going?" He asked, looking at the residencies as we passed by them. "I mean, the square looked like it was that way."

"Oh, no no. We're not going by the square." I shook my head. "The square has those small business restaurants, y'know? And although they're delicious places to eat at, I really wanna treat you something that screams Hell for you, y'know?"

A look of worry came over him. "You mean like… death?"

I laughed a little. "No, not like that. Not everything down here's about bones or death or fire. The places down this way are much more high-end, y'know what I mean? I wanna treat you tonight." I took a moment to look down, trying to fight off an up-and-coming blush. He was just too cute…! "Anyway, I can't help but notice how enamored you seem by the scenery around here. If you're not too hungry, do you maybe wanna… take a stroll around? Work up an appetite, y'know?"

"Oh, um…" He looked out and around. "Around here?"

"Yeah, around here. There's a little park here that we could walk around. If you want, that is. It's more of a scenic park than those sort of athletic parks with the hellhounds and the frisbees, y'know? It has a nice pathway and a forest in the back… a bridge over the lava river. It's nice, y'know?"

"I guess." He looked out the coach to see the red grass park with flaming trees and blood roses, expansive, distinct, and beautiful. He gave a small smile and looked back at me. "It looks nice… different, y'know? But uh…" He looked down. "I mean, isn't it all sulfuric out there?"

"No, not really. You won't get sick or anything out there."

He grimaced. "I mean… humans don't only get sick from sulfur… They… They can die."

"Oh…" I scratched the back of my head. "You should be okay. It shouldn't be bad at all. I mean, if you were gonna die from sulfur in the air poisoning you or whatever, it would've already seeped through the car and killed you by now."

"Well… that's… reassuring…" He murmured.

I smiled and nodded, glad he was relieved. "Well, come on." I opened the door for myself, then swung around to open the door for him. I took his hand to help him out of the car.

He smiled at me. "So we're just gonna walk around?"

I nodded. "Just… I guess… to talk a little bit. I mean, let's face it. I don't know much about you and you don't know much about me."

"That's true." He rubbed his shoulder, taking in a big gulp of air, because, I guess, if he was gonna die, might as well make it quick. After another deep breath, he looked over himself, satisfied that he wasn't on Death's doorstep.

"So… why did you agree to go on a date with me, then?" I looked at him curiously, then down to the hand I was holding. He had a little beauty mark on his wrist, too. I wondered how many more of those cute little things he had on him.

"Because… you were really nice to me during the dance, y'know? You saw I was panicking, and you didn't hesitate to calm me down. You seem like a nice guy…"

I smiled a little. "Even after what Star said about me?"

"How do you even know she said anything about you?"

"Oh come on, Marco. It's Star we're talking about. Y'know. Chatty gossip. I already got more than my fair share of slandering from Pony Head. After I broke up with her, I really have been a demon to just about everyone."

He frowned. "What… What happened? Like… how bad did it have to be to get such a bad rep?"

I shook my head and looked down. "I don't… wanna talk about it."

"Oh… I'm sorry." He gave my hand a squeeze. "But it's okay. You're different than how you were before, right?"

"I've been trying. With my anger management specialist, and my bunny, Scamp. I should've brought him with me, really…"

"The specialist…?"

"No, Scamp. He's a funny little thing." I smiled, then I sighed. "I've been trying so hard to control my anger for the past six months. Like, I've come to realize what kind of guy I am – what I'm capable of. Well, I don't, but I know that I'm capable of not knowing, y'know? And it's that not knowing, combined with the uncontrollable anger I get… I'm aware how dangerous it – and I – am, y'know? I mean, it's so unbecoming of a prince…"

"Yeah… that really sounds like it –" He paused for a moment, then looked at me with a confused expression. "Wait hold up hold up hold up." He waved his hand in front of me. "You're… a prince?"

With the way everyone in the kingdom knew, I forgot it wasn't common knowledge among Earthlings. I flushed a little and scratched the back of my head. "Yeah… I mean, how else would I have permission to date Star? Didn't I tell you?"

"No! I mean… how could you? You said we didn't… know much about each-other… But it's cool though! Just… y'know… on a date with a prince and all…" He mumbled. "Not much crazy about that. People've dated Hell princes before… not a big deal…" He finally looked over at me. "So… why did you ask me on a date if you didn't even know me…?"

I laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "I already told you: you're interesting." We sat down beside a molten iron fountain. "Plus…" I put my hand over his when he set it down on the stone. "You're really beautiful."

Marco's eyes widened at this, then he looked away, a deep red blush on his face. "Beautiful…?"

"Yeah. I mean, what can I say? I'm a sucker for pretty guys."

He gave a weak laugh. "No… that must not be right… I'm not… not pretty. You got the wrong guy…"

I was taken aback hearing this. "No, I think I know a pretty boy when I see one. Who would ever make you think you're not?"

"Oh, well practically everyone in my school. I'm so low on the totem pole, I'm one of the school losers."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But… you're not a loser…"

"I feel like one a lot…"

"But… why…?"

"I… I don't know. Nobody likes me, besides Alfonzo and Ferguson. I'm not popular or anything. In fact, a lot of the kids at my school actually hate me. Throw things at me, shove me in a locker… all that stereotypical stuff I never thought would happen happened to me. Even when Star came and she was popular, everyone compared her to me, kept saying she's 'too good' for me." He sighed. "I figured at this point it had to be a lot of things wrong with me. I mean, you're the first person to ever want to date me, ever. Nobody in that entire school found me attractive enough, or likeable enough, or cool enough for anyone to ever wanna go out with me. I know it's stupid and irrational for a fourteen-year-old to think he'll never have someone in his life, but… I don't know, I look across at these groups of kids – big groups of kids, too – and I can't help but feel… lonely. There's a lot of kids dating each-other – I mean, it's high school. And I see them… when they hug and kiss, and I wonder why hasn't that happened to me yet? Am I not old enough? Am I just…" He gave a quavering sigh. "Am I unlovable?" He shrugged, his eyes glistening with… tears? "I mean… all these years being in the outs… I never thought I'd be good enough to be popular, or popular enough to go through the stages of high school romance like every boy should." He sniffled.

"Are you… crying?" I asked cautiously. These Earthling high schoolers sounded terrible.

"No, no… I'm fine." He sniffled one last time and cleared his throat. "Especially since Ferg and Alfonzo don't share the same lunch with me… I feel really lonely after a while."

I looked down, mulling over what he said. "Honestly, those humans of yours sound really fucking terrible, and they're missing out on a great opportunity, if you ask me. You're beautiful. A little awkward, hell, but that doesn't change that you're a good kid."

He gave a small smile, but it quickly wavered and he gave a sob. Man, I really fucked up, didn't I. "You're literally… the only person who's ever called me beautiful… y'know that?" He sniffled. "Besides my parents, anyway… You're the only other person… who's bothered to say it." He buried his head in his hands to muffle the sobbing. "And you wonder why I feel like shit about myself… when there's guys better than me and more confident than me always with a big group of friends around them… around them all the time… always with the popular girls… and I couldn't even get one person to call me beautiful till now…!" He let out a low wail, then quickly tried to wipe his tears away, claiming, "I shouldn't be crying about this… I'm just a stupid teenager with too many expectations…"

And that's about where I had enough. Every ounce of me was just so… upset at this, but I wasn't mad. Sure, I was pissed about all those Earthling assholes who made him feel like shit, but I had a feeling a large part of his sadness was self-inflicted. I put a hand on his shoulder, with a gentle "Marco…"

"I'm sorry…" He mumbled out. "I just… I didn't expect to react so bad to this, myself…" He looked up at me with sorrow brimming in his eyes.

I used my thumbs to brush his tears away. "Don't cry… Look, it's okay. All of that? That was before. I've called you beautiful now, and that's the truth. And honestly? I'm planning on calling you that for a long time to come. If… well, if this goes any farther. But even if things don't pan out, know that's the truth. You are beautiful."

"Even with my gross mole?"

"Mole?" I gave a small chuckle. "Marco… You know what people down here call those? Beauty marks. And that means something, doesn't it?" I pet his cheek, my other hand rubbing his shoulder.

He nodded, still locked up with that teary look on his face. "I guess…"

"And imagine what it's gonna be like when you go back and everyone knows you're dating that cute demon from before? Or look, if I introduce you to my friends and my circle. I-I mean, this is all granted we do end up in a relationship."

He wiped his nose. "I get that…"

"And your two friends seem really supportive of you. I imagine they're gonna give you a hard time when you get back, huh?" I gave him a small smile.

He smiled back with a weaker smile. "Yeah… I imagine they will. They'll tie me up to a chair under a lamp and interrogate me; I know it." He gave a small laugh.

"They and Star, they appreciate you so much, y'know? You mean so much to them, so who cares if other people pass you by? You can't please every single person in the world – that's why people have cliques, y'know? Some cliques just happen to be bigger, and with a lot of connections between them. That just usually ends up being a lot of unnecessary space taken up in your contacts list, and a lot of one-word replies. I mean, I've been in the big crowds. And although it can be great, a lot of the time, I wish the group broke down into less people at a time, so there wouldn't be these stupidly long bouts of silence that you'd have to go through. It's usually just two or three people talking at a time, really. I think you and your group have that perfect group size, y'know? And on top of that, it gives you guys a lot of time to strengthen the friendship you have." I realized at that point that I was rambling, but I really did just wanna make him feel happy. I hated seeing him cry.

He nodded. "Yeah… you're right…" He looked up at me and smiled, said in a still-cracked voice, "Thanks, Tom… Thank you so much…"

"You're very welcome." I pet his shoulder. "Can I hug you? After… After seeing you cry, I really… really wanna give you a hug."

"That's fine…" He smiled, and I gave him a tight squeeze, rubbing his back gently. He gave a whimper, ready to cry again, but he swallowed it down and hugged me back.

I pulled back after a moment to wipe the last stray tear from his eye, then smoothed my fingertips along his cheek. I leaned in, heard his breath hitch in surprise, and kissed his oh-so insecure beauty mark. When I moved back, I saw his eyes reflect a small tinge of relief. "Let's get some food in you, okay?"