At one point in Arnold's life, he had decided that there could never be a person behind the wheel of a car half as horrifying as his grandma. That was before he saw an angry Helga Pataki behind the wheel. Even Gerald looked scared out of his wits. Gerald who hadn't even batted an eye when Arnold almost sent them into the broad side of a building when he got behind the wheel of the Packard for the first time. The only one who dared to try and calm Helga down was Phoebe, and she was only met with an irritated growl.
Gerald tapped something out on his phone before giving the device to Arnold. Despite everyone's efforts, Arnold still didn't have a cell phone, and he was in no hurry to get one.
What the hell did you do to the She-Devil?
Arnold frowned at the message. Mostly because Gerald had called Helga a She-Devil and, despite everything, Arnold never really saw her that way. However, the fact that he didn't know what he had done to upset her so much. Still, she had been fine before he spoke to her. The only logical explanation was that he had done something to anger her. Arnold wrote a message back to Gerald, a lot slower than his friend's had been. He had to stop half way through the message to grab onto something as Helga's jeep went flying over a speed bump, making everyone in the vehicle jolt up and down.
I don't know what happened.
Gerald was about to send a message back when they arrived at Sunset Arms. Unsure of what else to say, Arnold nervously said, "Uh, thanks for the ride, Helga."
"Shut up." She retorted as she unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way for the door.
Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe just stared after her. "Um...Helga, what're you doing?" Phoebe asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt and started following the enraged Pataki.
Gerald and Arnold got out of the car and followed after Phoebe. They watched Helga climb the front steps of the boarding house and Gerald boredly informed her, "Pataki, that's breaking and entering."
Arnold shoved his hand into his pocket, groping about for "Just a second, I have a-"
Before Arnold could pull his key out, Helga had already inserted one of a few keys on her key ring and pushed the door open, leaving Arnold with his mouth gaping open.
"Why the hell does Pataki have a key to your house?" Gerald asked as he and Phoebe gathered beside Arnold as the bottom of his stoop.
Arnold shrugged, "I have no idea." No one had ever made any mention of Helga. Who would have given her a key?
"Maybe she stole it." Phoebe suggested, lowering her voice.
Gerald started laughing, "Phoebe, please, Helga isn't that crazy."
Phoebe rolled her eyes and had to keep herself from informing Gerald that he had no idea.
"She said that she knew Susie." Arnold stated thoughtfully. "Maybe she's going to pick a bone with her."
The sound of Helga screaming from inside the boarding house made the trio jolt backwards.
"I think you mean that hopefully she's going to pick a bone with Susie." Gerald corrected. "That way she isn't aiming to pick a bone with you."
"Maybe we should take a walk." Phoebe recommended. "We can come back when she's cooled down." Gerald and Arnold were both quick to agree and quickly headed for the park.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Their walk through Tina Park was quiet, and almost awkward. Arnold couldn't tell if it was a relief or an annoyance when they ran into Lila. She was still as sweet and kind as ever, but Arnold would have been happy to just have time to develop his thoughts.
Lila had just finished up practicing her tumbling in the park when she noticed her boyfriend and bounced over to them, wrapping her arms around one of Gerald's biceps. "I didn't know you were going to be here! I'm ever so excited to see you."
Gerald smiled, "Hey babe." he greeted her casually before kissing her shortly on the mouth. Arnold raised an eyebrow at the public display of affection and Phoebe's mouth twisted into a disgusted frown.
"Hello Arnold and Phoebe." Lila greeted them warmly once she'd gotten her hello kiss. With a grin, Lila said "Phoebe, I'm ever so glad that you and Gerald are getting along again."
Phoebe couldn't help having frowned at the perky redhead, "Don't get your hopes up, Lila. Gerald and I aren't getting along."
Lila's grin faltered, "Oh. Well I'm ever so sorry to hear that. So what have you three been up to?"
"Not a damn thing." Phoebe answered quickly.
Gerald rolled his eyes, "We went with Arnold to see Pataki."
Lila gasped, "Arnold, you found Helga?"
Arnold nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah. Her temper hasn't changed much."
Lila cocked her head to the side, "What ever do you mean?"
"She's on a rampage at Sunset Arms." Gerald explained.
"She's in town?" Lila exclaimed, "Oh can we go see her?"
"Babe, you remember her temper, right?" Gerald asked warily.
Lila nodded, "Of course I do, but that isn't all I remember."
"You realise that Helga hated you, right?" Phoebe asked, making no effort to soften her words.
"I'm ever so certain that Helga and I were very good friends." Lila countered, "I'd really love to see her. That's if it's alright with you, Arnold."
Arnold gave Phoebe an apologetic glance before he informed Lila that he didn't mind if she came along.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Arnold and Gerald had repeatedly warned Lila that Helga was in a state of fury before they entered the boarding house. When they entered, rather than the screams of a furious Helga Pataki, they were greeted by Arnold's parents dancing with each other by the staircase to a tune Arnold didn't recognize. Stella noticed her son before Miles did. "Hey sweetie!" Stella exclaimed, pulling away from her husband to give her son a brief hug. "We were wondering where you went. Who's your new friend?"
She was referring to Lila, as she'd already met Phoebe and Gerald. Lila stepped forward with a smile, stretching her hand out, "I'm Lila Sawyer, Mrs. Shortman. It's ever so great to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too, Lila." Stella replied with a warm smile.
"Uh, Mrs. S, what's going on?" Gerald asked.
"We're dancing." Miles explained bluntly.
"I think Gerald was referring to the fact that when we left there was...a lot of screaming." Phoebe elaborated.
"Oh!" Stella exclaimed, "That was nothing. It hardly lasted a few moments, and the girl did have cause to be upset."
"Are you sure?" Arnold pressed, doubtful of his parents' words.
Stella nodded, "Yes. See, the girl is a friend of your grandma's."
"She's what?" Arnold, Phoebe, and Gerald asked in unison.
Stella nodded again, slowly this time, "Yes."
"She and mom hit it off a few years ago." Miles said.
"She was just upset because she found out that your grandma had broken her hip and no one told her because your grandmother is fine and the girl is so busy, at least according to Mr. Hyunh. He said that Susie was planning on telling her once she was done with her play."
"Kimba!" everyone perked up at the sound of Gerdie's voice. Despite being in a wheelchair, she was still as spry and energetic as ever. At least as much as she could be without bothering her hip.
"Hey grandma." Arnold replied, moving forward to meet his grandmother.
"You shouldn't have gone to see Eleanor." Gerdie gently chided her grandson, taking his hand in hers and patting his wrist.
"Huh?" was the only thing that Arnold had managed to say.
"If I knew you wanted to see her I would have told you to wait until Sunday. Her play is opening on Monday and the poor girl didn't need to know until just before she saw me." Gerdie continued, ignoring Arnold's confusion.
"Grandma, who is Eleanor?" Arnold asked.
Before Gerdie could answer, Arnold's attention was arrested by Mr. Hyunh strumming a song on his guitar from the hallway. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch Mr. Hyunh. Then, in his smooth voice that had caught everyone off guard at one point, Mr. Hyunh sang, "Istanbul was Constantinople"
Before he could get to the next line of the song, Helga popped up from behind him and sang "Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople"
Then together they sang, "Been a long time gone, Constantinople, Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night. Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople so if you've a date in Constantinople she'll be waiting in old New York was once New Amsterdam. Why they changed it I can't say."
Then Gerdie exclaimed, "People just liked it better that way"
Arnold was too flabbergasted to do anything but stare at the odd display. Helga didn't even seem to notice him. However, she looked more happy in that moment than she ever had while Arnold had known her. By the time she even noticed him the song was over. She swallowed a lump in her throat and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear before forcing a smile. "Hey Arnold. Where'd you sneak off to?" She crossed her arms over her chest and a teasing smile crossed her face, "You weren't afraid of me, were you?"
"Damn right we were afraid of you." Gerald piped up.
"Very manly." Helga replied dryly.
Lila bounced forward beside Arnold with a massive grin on her face, "Hello Helga. Do you remember me?"
Helga stared at Lila with a blank expression and blinked a few times before saying, "Nope, my mind's a blank."
"Helga, it's Lila." Arnold said once he noticed the hurt expression in Lila's eyes.
Helga glanced between Arnold and Lila a few times before it clicked. Or at least before she thought it clicked. Arnold and Lila were always so fond of each other in elementary school. In different ways, surely, but it seemed that Arnold's determination had paid off. Helga knew it was stupid to get upset over it, but she couldn't help it. "Oh. Hey Lila. Sorry, it's...been a while."
Lila smiled, "It's alright, Helga. I'm just ever so excited to see you."
Helga blinked and had to take a second to develop the fact that Lila still said the words 'ever so' just ever so often. "Yeah, Lila, it's great to see you too."
Their reunion was cut short by a rapid pounding on the door. Miles was already moving to answer the door when Helga checked her watch and had to keep herself from cursing under her breath. When Miles opened the door he was pushed aside by a young man in a rage. His eyes fell on Helga and he charged forward like a bull. He would have shoved Arnold and Lila out of his path had they not jumped aside in time. "What the hell is wrong with you, you stupid little bitch?"
Lila gasped dramatically, "That's just ever so mean!"
The stranger pushed his black hair out of his eyes before turning on Lila, "I wasn't talking to you."
"You don't have to call her names." Arnold growled defensively.
"I'LL CALL HER WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!" the boy exploded.
"Young man, I think I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Stella snapped, stepping forward.
Helga waved her hand and shook her head, "No, it's ok Mrs. Shortman, it kind of serves me right."
"Helga, you shouldn't take this kind of abuse. Especially from you...special friend." Stella continued.
Helga and the boy both grew confused at the term 'special friend' and they looked at each other before they understood what Arnold's mom was trying to imply. "Are you saying I shouldn't take lip from my...boyfriend?"
Arnold crossed his arms over his chest, "He seems to be a real keeper."
Helga looked back at the boy and repeated the word, "Boyfriend."
The boy in turn cocked his head to the side and asked, "Boyfriend?"
Helga tried to keep a smile off her face as she altered her tone and confirmed, "Boyfriend."
After a few seconds of silence, Helga and the boy exploded with laughter, which just left everyone else confused. Finally, when Helga was able to speak again she exclaimed, "Really? You guys think he's my boyfriend."
"In your dreams." The boy chuckled.
Helga rolled her eyes, "Oh puh-lease! I don't date boys who are as gay as the fucking forth of July!" she retorted before she and the boy started laughing again.
"I'm ever so confused." Lila stated.
"You and everyone else." Phoebe muttered, watching the scene with her arms folded over her chest.
"He's her dance partner!" Gerdie exclaimed.
Helga and the boy nodded in unison, "We've been partnering since we were about eight."
"Eight?" Gerald repeated. "I don't remember Helga dancing at all."
"I've been in dance classes since I was four, Geraldo." Helga retorted.
"Really?" Arnold asked. "Why didn't you invite anyone to your dance recitals or anything?"
"I went to one of them." Phoebe said. "I think it was in fourth grade, just before summer started."
"Oh my god the one with the seahorses?" the boy asked.
Phoebe looked surprised before answering, "Yes, actually. How did you know about that?"
"Phoebe, he was in that." Helga answered.
"Do I know you?" Phoebe asked.
The boy shrugged, "I would probably say that you knew me, not know me."
"Huh?" Gerald perked up.
Helga glanced at the boy before smirking, "What was it that you did when we were kids?"
The boy fidgeted and glanced at the floor, "I don't wanna talk about it."
"Therapy has done you a lot of good." Helga pressed.
"Therapy has done you a lot of good too!" He countered.
Finally, Helga rolled her eyes and said, "Poor, twisted little freak."
Wow this was a long one. Anyway, here it is! Tah duh!
Before I forget, there have been two accounts (possibly one person) who has been stealing people's work and claiming it as their own. First of all, if this person (or these people) happen to be reading it then I'd like to inform you that you suck and there's a special place in Hell for people like you. Also, if you contact me again (yes, they've contacted me before) I swear to god I will rip your tongue out and then shove it down your throat so you choke on it and die. The accounts are Mosesz96mmv and Nopejope. Ignore their requests to read their work and I'd recommend reporting their comments if they spam your reviews. Stealing people's written work is a dick move so I feel like these accounts need to be eliminated. Spread the word if you know other people who write Hey Arnold! fics because it's not okay.
Anyway, please leave me a review and I'll love you forever.