Chapter 70

…

"Sansa…I have to get back to Sansa…"

The milk of the poppy had worn off not long after Sansa fell asleep beside Jaime and she woke to him moaning in pain and the sheets soaked with his sweat. She waited for a while, to see if Jaime would fall back asleep. When he didn't, she sent for the Maester, and stood beside the bed as he examined Jaime, twisting her rings nervously as she waited to hear what he would do to help him. She hated to see him in such pain.

"My lady, this is to be expected. It means the elixir and the salve are working – they are drawing out the infection. He's sweating out the poisons in his blood."

"But he's in such pain. He can't sleep. He tosses and turns and then moans in agony. Should we give him more milk of the poppy?"

"He's not conscious, my lady. I know it's difficult to watch, but it's best to let him suffer through, as long as he is strong enough." He must have seen her horror and distress. "I'll send for some servant girls to watch over him…there's no need to distress yourself, Lady Lannister. You can sleep right next door in your chambers, and they'll come to you when the fever has passed."

She immediately shook her head. "No! I'm not leaving him to…a servant. He's my lord husband. I'll not abandon him." He keeps calling my name. How could I possibly leave him to servants? She knew that Jaime would want her with him. She could see that her presence was some small comfort to him. He was much more restless when she was not touching him and speaking to him. And she wanted to be there when his fever finally broke and he woke up. I need to be here the moment he wakes.

Once they were alone again, she filled a basin with cold water and gathered a pile of small linen towels, which she soaked in the water and placed on his forehead and around his neck, trying to cool him. She remembered once when Arya had a fever that this was how her mother had made her feel more comfortable.

"Sansa…Sansa…"

She gently kissed him as he continued to call for her. "I'm right here, Jaime. I'm right here."

He was delirious and tried to get up but gasped in pain, falling back on the bed. "Lie back down. It's all right, Jaime. You're in no condition to get up. You have to lie down for a while…I know you hate to be still. But, I'm not going to leave you. We'll be here together." She knew he was not himself when he began to reach for her with his stump. In his fever, he's forgotten that he's lost his hand. She gently covered his wrist with her hand, placing it on his chest, and felt him grab her other hand.

"Sansa…"

"Shh…try to sleep. I'll be right here." He was looking at her, but his eyes were glassy with fever, and she wasn't certain that he actually saw her. He was still incoherent with fever and kept calling her name.

"Sansa…Sansa…I love you...Sansa…" He pulled her to him, burying his face in her hair. She let him hold her for a while, until he drifted off again, and then she carefully extricated herself from his grasp, sinking back down into the chair beside the bed. She held his hand and closed her eyes, trying to sleep so she'd be better able to care for him.

Sansa didn't know how long she slept, but she woke to Jaime shivering as if she'd thrown him naked out in the snow. She got blankets, and gently draped them over his body, careful not to disturb his gruesome wounds, as he continued to shake from a non-existent chill in the air. She climbed into bed with him, holding him against her and was disturbed by how hot his skin burned – it was like fire.

She kissed his temple and held him tightly, as he shivered and moaned in pain. She felt tears coming to her eyes before she could stop them. It terrified her to see Jaime suffering as he was, and she didn't know what she could do to take away his pain. I'd do anything to help him. Anything to ease his suffering. Even if it meant I were to suffer.

He clutched her hand as he gasped out her name over and over again. Does he not know I'm here? Does he think he's alone?

"I'm here, Jaime," she said through her tears. "I love you…and I'm here with you. You're not alone, Jaime. You're not alone this time." She thought back to what he had told her about when he lost his hand – how he had been in horrible pain and all alone, with no one who loved him there to take care of him. "I love you, Jaime. Please don't die," she whispered in his ear. "I need you. And Tommen and Julianna…we all need you. Don't leave me like so many already have. I don't know any man stronger than you are, Jaime. You can fight this. I know you can." She began to cry against his chest.

"Sansa…love you…"

"I love you, too. You made it back here to the Rock. Back to me. Now you must fight this fever. You've just fought the White Walkers…you can fight a silly fever. Please, Jaime." She closed her eyes and began to pray. Please don't take him from me.

…

He was in the throne room with the Mad King once more. The dragon skulls hung from the walls and Aerys Targaryen sat on the iron throne. The Kingsguard was lined up on either side of him. All his brothers – both the fallen and the new. Arthur Dayne, Boros Blunt, Meryn Trant, Osmund Kettleblack, Gerald Hightower, Barriston Selmy, Arys Oakheart and all the rest.

Jaime was not standing beside the rest of the Kingsguard. He was suspended over the throne room as Rickard Stark had been all those years ago. Jaime was naked and he struggled against the ties that bound him to no avail. A large black dragon sat at the Mad King's feet, and Sansa was there, holding Julianna and crying hysterically, begging someone to help him. She tried to get to Jaime but Meryn Trant held her back as she struggled against him.

"Burn him!" Aerys screamed, his eyes glistening in excitement, as the dragon flew below Jaime and began to blow it's fire at him. Jaime and Sansa both screamed as his flesh began to burn.

Jaime woke with a start, sitting upright and gasping in panic. He felt searing pain across his side and his thigh, which quickly forced him back down onto the bed. It was only a dream. He vaguely recalled Edmure and Addam dragging him back to the Rock, and Sansa and Maester Merwyn treating his wounds. That's the burning – where the White Walker cut me. He pulled back the blankets covering his body, and grimaced at angry red slashes across his body. He remembered Sansa insisting on sewing up his wounds herself. Poor Sansa had to do every perfect little stitch. There had to be hundreds of them.

"You were unconscious for three days. Your fever only broke last night."

Her voice was quiet and tentative, but it soothed him more than any medicine. He turned his head and met Sansa's eyes. She's so beautiful. She was sitting in a chair beside his bed, and he closed his eyes in pleasure as she brushed his hair back from his face and ran her fingers over his head.

"Sansa…"

He could barely speak, his throat was so dry and painful. He reached for her and she took his hand, threading her fingers through his. "Shh…It's all right, Jaime." Sansa poured a cup of water before sitting beside him on the bed. "Do you think you can sit up? If I help you?"

He nodded and held onto Sansa as she helped him into a sitting position, sliding partially behind him to prop him up. It hurt, but not so badly, with her help. Sansa held the cup of water for him as he drank, clearly not believing he could manage it on his own. She filled it again, and he began to feel better after the second cup of water. She piled some pillows behind him and turned to sit back in her chair. Before she could move away from him, Jaime gripped her arm and pulled her against his chest, resting his head on her shoulder. It felt good to hold her again and breathe in the scent of her. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Jaime closed his eyes and sighed, as he held her. He felt wetness on his neck and she began shaking in his arms as she sobbed.

"Don't cry, Sansa. I'm not going to…I'm not going to leave you." It was an effort to do it, between the searing pain in his side and his weakness, but he reached up to stroke her hair, trying to comfort her. He could imagine how terrified she must have been. He vaguely recalled her pleading with him not to die. He knew that if he were in her place, sitting helplessly at her bedside for days while she was suffering, it would have driven him mad. "I'm sorry I worried you…I'm not going to leave you."

She nodded. "You were…delirious with fever and I thought…I was so afraid. I was so afraid that I would never feel you hold me like this again."

He pulled her tighter against him and cursed as pain surged through his side. I can't even hold my wife without pain. "I'm sorry," she said, noticing him wince in pain. She moved away from him and carefully eased him back against the pillows, kissing his forehead. "Are you comfortable? Are you in pain?"

He shook his head. "I'm all right. I'll be better when I can get out of this bed-"

"You're not well enough for that yet, Jaime," she said quickly. "You lost so much blood and…then you were fighting the infection." She urged him back onto the bed, against the pillows, and sat down beside him, running her hands over his chest, carefully avoiding the large injury on his side. "Let me take care of you. Are you hungry? You've had nothing but broth for the past few days and even that was a struggle...What do you need?"

"I'd like to see my dau– my children. I'd like to see my children." If Sansa had a thought about his referring to Tommen as his child, she didn't voice it aloud. Though he could see in her eyes that she had noticed his word choice. While Tommen might never mean as much to him as Julianna did, he cared about what happened to him and he wanted what was best for him.

"Tommen came to see you several times every day. He sat here talking about his kittens and about his practices with Arya. She's been spending time with him, as you asked. I think he's grown on her. Tommen was very worried about you. Both of them were. Julianna…I thought she might be scared that you weren't awake or talking to her, so I haven't brought her to you, but...I'll go get her now. Tommen's downstairs in the kitchen but the babe's just down the hall. I'll be right back. You just wait."

She wasn't gone but a minute before she returned, carrying little Julianna. Sansa looked so happy that she was bringing their daughter to him. She's changed so much in the past month, he thought, looking at his daughter as Sansa neared. Her features were more developed – she looked less like a baby and more like a little girl. She looked even more like Sansa than he had remembered. Jaime wondered if the babe may have forgotten him in the month he'd been gone, as she watched him curiously. Sansa sat on the bed, and Julianna held her tightly, looking at him uncertainly – no doubt confused by his beard as well as the time apart.

"You know who that is, sweetling? Your father's back home…he's come back to us, Julianna," Sansa cooed. "She's almost started walking," she said as she smoothed down her hair. "If I hold her up, she can move her feet."

Jaime met the babe's eyes and reached out, gently stroking her cheek with his index finger. "Julianna…my precious little lioness." Her eyes lit up and she smiled, leaning shyly back against Sansa. "I missed you. I missed my sweet baby. I missed the both of you very much," he said in the same low voice he spoke to her in when she was going to sleep and Julianna stretched her arms out toward him.

"…da da…da…da…" She began babbling and lurching towards him. Sansa smiled and held her waist as she tried to walk to Jaime, guiding her across the short distance to her father's arms. Jaime hugged the babe to his chest with one arm, smelling her baby scent, as she squealed and giggled. He felt that he was truly home as he held his daughter in his arms.

"This will make it easier for you to hold her," Sansa murmured, placing a couple of pillows beside him and helping him to set the baby on top of them, so he wouldn't have to support her weight or lean her against his injury. He hated that he could barely hold their baby without suffering exhaustion.

"You've grown so big. You're going to be as beautiful as your mother," he told the baby softly as she cuddled against him. He smiled down at her as she reached up to touch his face. "She's so beautiful," he murmured.

"I'm glad…you can hold her again…talk to her again…"

Jaime finally looked away from the baby in his arms and studied his wife. He could see the shadows under her eyes and correctly guessed that she'd not slept more than a few hours since he'd returned to her. "I'm sorry, Sansa. I'm sorry, sweet girl, for putting you through this. Thinking about you was the only thing that kept me alive out there. I knew that I had to get back to you. I knew that you would heal me."

She smiled, as she leaned toward him, nuzzling her nose against his before kissing him softly. "I love you," she whispered against his lips, kissing him once more before moving away. Jaime shook his head.

"I'll need a few more kisses…to heal me." She smiled, tangling her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. He watched her eyes mist with emotion as she kissed him again. "I love you, Sansa," he whispered between kisses. He pressed his tongue against her lips, seeking entrance and she smiled and pulled away.

"That's enough, Jaime. You shouldn't get over-excited," she whispered, smiling and wiping the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. I'll make this up to her. He felt terrible for how much he had put her through the past few days…and months.

"Uncle Jaime!" Tommen burst into the room and ran over, jumping on the bed and climbing over Sansa to hug Jaime, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Tommen, be gentle," she whispered. "He's still hurt."

As he looked at the boy, he realized that he had missed him. For the first time, when he looked at Tommen, he didn't see Cersei. He saw himself – he saw that the boy was his blood. He saw a boy that was his to raise.

"I'm glad that you're better, Uncle. I was scared." Jaime hugged the boy back, stroking his golden curls. "I took care of Sansa, like you asked," he said proudly, leaning back against Sansa while Jaime held Julianna.

"Did you now?" Jaime asked with a smile, meeting Sansa's eyes.

"He took very good care of me." Sansa leaned over and kissed Tommen's little cheek. "He was a great comfort to me while you were gone."

Tommen chatted to him about all he had missed, and how worried he was about him, for several minutes. He glanced over at Sansa, who was watching he and Tommen speak. She looked so happy just to be there with them. He caught her eye and smiled, holding Julianna close. She reached over and stroked Jaime's hair, brushing it out of his face.

"You look tired," she whispered. "Tommen, I think we should let Jaime rest. You can come talk with him again later."

He nodded happily. "I'll visit you again tonight after dinner."

After Tommen left, Sansa adjusted the pillows and helped Jaime lie back down. She reached to take the baby from him, but he shook his head. "I'd like to hold her for a while longer." She moved the pillows that had been propping the baby up and placed her on the bed beside Jaime. "Lie here with us?"

She nodded and removed her slippers, stretching out beside he and the babe. Julianna climbed on top of her, and Sansa moved closer to Jaime, resting her head on his chest. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"Not at all," he murmured, kissing her temple. Julianna stretched out on top of her mother, resting her head on Sansa's chest as she studied Jaime. "Even if it did cause me pain…it'd be worth it to hold the two of you again."

"What – what happened out there? With the White Walkers? Are they gone?"

"Has no one told you?"

She shook her head. "I've not left this room. Ser Addam and Gendry both came to see you but...you were hurting so much, I didn't want to hear their war stories. Was it terrible?" she asked, watching as Julianna crawled over her to lie on Jaime's chest. She looked at him with concern that the babe would hurt him but he shook his head, stroking his hand over Julianna's back as she made herself comfortable, resting her head against him.

"It was like nothing I've ever seen. The wights were bad enough…dead men brought back to life. We burned hundreds of them. But the White Walkers were just as that book of Tyrion's books described – tall and slender, with ice blue eyes and ice blue swords. When we stabbed them with the dragonglass…they cracked like a frozen lake breaking beneath your feet, and steamed and melted away to nothing. We killed them all, though."

Sansa leaned over and kissed him. "At far too great an expense. You saved the Realm again – this time from ice, not fire…and most of them will never know. Again." The way she looked at him made him believe he was an honorable knight. "You should sleep…regain your strength and allow your body to heal."

"I can't sleep –"

"Ser Addam did mention what a terrible disposition you had on the journey home. That you refused to sleep and insisted on riding your horse, despite bleeding through your bandages again and again – no doubt weakening yourself further. You're hurt, Jaime. You need time to heal." He saw her eyes drift to the baby and back to his and he could almost see her mind working. "Will you at least hold her until she falls asleep? There were many nights you were gone that she would not sleep. Many nights that she just cried and looked for you. For her father."

"I see your game, Lady Lannister." He suspected she was simply trying to keep him abed, but there was no way he could refuse her request to hold their babe until she fell asleep. Not after the weeks of dreaming about being there with them again. Of holding them again.

Sansa tilted her head and smiled at their babe, cuddled up in Jaime's arms. "For her – even more than myself – I'm so glad you've returned."

He nodded, looking down at his baby girl and held her tighter. "You look tired as well, sweet girl. You've not slept at all since I returned have you?"

She avoided his gaze, gently petting little Julianna's hair as the babe snuggled against Jaime, a happy, peaceful expression on her face. "She remembers you. Even with your beard. She looks so secure in your arms." sansa finally looked up at him. "How could I sleep when you were so miserable? When you were suffering, and moaning in pain…calling for me?" She shook her head. "You'd not have slept either, if it was me."

"Lie down? Until the baby falls asleep?"

Sansa smiled, nodding and curling up beside Jaime. She kissed his shoulder as she snuggled close to him. "I love you, Jaime. And I'm so grateful to have you back with me." Jaime carefully wrapped his arm around Sansa, gritting his teeth at the sharp pain when he stretched his arm. He looked down at her and saw that her hand rested on his chest, on top of one of Julianna's tiny hands, and her eyes were closed. She looks peaceful. And happy. Jaime took a deep breath and closed his eyes as well, feeling himself drift off to sleep as his girls lay in his arms.

…

70 chapters! I never thought it would go on this long...and there's still more to come!

As always, thank you for the wonderful reviews. And thank you for those who have just started reading this and got through the whole thing in a day or two. After last night's episode, I hate to torture Jaime any more than necessary…

Next Chapter: Jaime is a terrible patient (not surprising)