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Chapter Thirty

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"How's he doing?" Aqua's motherly instincts kicked in immediately as she graced her way into their house. Roxas sat on the couch in sweat pants and a t-shirt, motionless and silent.

"He's just ...unresponsive. He hasn't moved or spoken since I picked him up from the police station," Axel told her, "I don't know what to do... It's been hours."

Aqua knelt down in front of Roxas and snapped her fingers in front of his face a couple times, but he didn't even flinch. "He's totally checked out... Poor guy."

"How do we make him come back?" Axel wondered, kneeling beside her and trying to get him to make eye contact.

"We can't make him. He just needs to process everything," she said, standing up and turning to Ventus, "You ready to go, Ven?"

He shook his head, "No, not really... All of my stuff is at the mobile home and..."

Terra wrapped an arm around Ven's shoulders and started pulling him towards the door, "I'll go in and grab what I can for you, okay?"

"It's... It's awful... Everything is covered in blood..." he muttered as Terra led him out to the car.

Aqua sighed softly and looked over at Axel, "Take care of him, okay? You have to make sure he eats and drinks water, or you're going to have to take him to the hospital."

"Maybe I should just take him to see Aerith..." Axel mumbled to himself, "I've got it, Aqua. Thanks for picking up Ventus."

"I'll send you a check for the bail money when I can, okay? I'm sorry that was left up to you, we had no idea where Ven was."

Axel shook his head, "Don't worry about the money. Put it towards getting the kid back in rehab, okay? There's a good guy in there somewhere, and he deserves a chance."

Aqua's bright blue eyes glistened with tears as she smiled at Axel, "Roxas is a very lucky man to have found you. Don't let him screw it up, okay?"

"Got it," he nodded, his eyes training back onto Roxas. He heard the door click shut and suddenly they were alone.

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"Come on, Roxas... Open your mouth," Axel sighed in frustration as he poked at the boy's lips with a spoon full of soup. "You gotta eat, babe... You don't want to go to the hospital, do you?"

Roxas reluctantly parted his lips just a little, allowing Axel to feed him. The redhead felt relief wash over him. At least Roxas could hear what he was saying.

"Good... I bet you feel a little better now," Axel smiled softly as he finished the bowl off. "You look tired... I'll get you up to bed."

The stress of Roxas' complete shut down was really starting to wear away at Axel, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take without breaking down himself.

He laid the blond down in their bed, the smaller boy immediately curling up in a ball and finally closing his eyes. Axel covered him with the blankets and went downstairs to make himself some dinner. Not that he could cook... But he'd find something.

"Son of a bitch!" he hissed angrily as he knicked his finger with the knife he was attempting to cut a bagel open with. He stuck the offended digit in his mouth, the iron tang of blood hitting his tongue as he sucked on it softly.

He'd nearly forgotten how sweet and tantalizing blood tasted... How good it felt to run his tongue over a fresh cut.

"No... You stopped this a long time ago, and you're not going to start again," he told himself firmly, finding his eyes fixated on the knife in his hands. "You don't need to do this..."

He continued to slice the bagel open, throwing it in the toaster and tossing the knife in the sink. His heart was starting to pound in his chest as he began pacing back and forth in the kitchen, waiting for the toaster to pop.

"You don't need it... You can resist... You've got to be there for Roxas. He needs you. You can't regress now."

But if he was there for Roxas... Who would be there for him? He had nobody else. The only person left in his life was a total zombie.

He didn't even remember grabbing the knife until he was gliding the blade across his forearm with just enough pressure to break the skin. He shuddered, watching as small pinpricks of blood started rising to the surface. It felt good... Too good. He needed to stop. One and done. No more.

Axel had just pressed the knife to another area on his forearm when the toaster dinged and scared him back to his senses. "Fuck!" he yelped, throwing the knife back into the sink and grabbing a wad of paper towels to clean up the blood. But just before he went to wipe it away, he felt the compulsion to lean down and lick it away instead.

How had he let himself become prey to this again? He hadn't cut since he was in his twenties, and that had landed him in the psych ward nice and quick. Of course... That was only because Xigbar found out. Axel wasn't about to work yet anyways. So... A few shallow cuts wouldn't hurt, right? They'd disappear before his huge incision, at least. And Roxas wouldn't be noticing any time soon...

"No... I can't," he tried to resist. For him, cutting was better than any drug could be. It was an addiction, something he couldn't control. He didn't do it to try to kill himself. He wasn't depressed, he wasn't suicidal. He did it to feel something, and it did feel good.

His hands shook as he spread cream cheese over the bagel, his mind only on one thing; the razor blades he still kept under the bathroom sink.

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A/N: Short chapter, I know. This story is getting a little dark now, but I promise it'll lighten back up in a few chapters. This is the low point of the story where everything literally falls to shit, so everything from here up to the end is going to be going up!

I am in nooo way condoning cutting at all! I'm simply trying to show Axel's inner struggle with it. It's not any way to deal with your problems, and I hope that none of you struggle with cutting how he does. I used to struggle with it myself, so I'm drawing from my own experiences.

Remember to leave a review! I promise it'll get better from this point. Nobody else is dying or killing themselves.

Simply Rexene