This chapter is dedicated to Sairey13, who was the first to suggest it to me. (as for my other request from .7, the chapter with Mikey getting brainwashed will take a while longer, cause I have to get into the rather wild state of mind I have affectionately dubbed 'Mikey-mode' but don't worry the chapter is coming!) Thanks everyone for your wonderful suggestions!

And without any further ado…

Ch. 11-Red in tooth, claw and blood

Raph's POV

My eyes rested on the figure lying motionless in the bathtub, but my mind had already begun to wander elsewhere. A week had packed

Leo was still unconscious.

Donatello said the injuries were bad. All of them were affected by it, of course.

But I knew. I could see it in the gaze my immediate younger brother sent me. It was there. The unspoken truth. The silent subtext that neither of us had the strength to voice. I pulled back into the here and now, and glanced down at my hands. Huh. They're shaking.

I should feel something. Something more. But I don't. I can't.

My hands won't stop shaking. I shook my head and pushed that from my mind.

Everyone knows I'm the most emotional of my brothers. Not anymore. Not…anymore. Now, there is nothing. I feel nothing. There is only numbness.

My hands are still shaking. My arms are cold. But I don't move. I will not move. I must wait. I have to wait.

I am waiting.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here. I don't remember grabbing his hand, but I am holding it now. Why don't I know? Why don't I remember? What's happening to me? I can't—

I don't know. I don't know anymore. I don't know what I feel, I don't know what to do. I don't know anything anymore. I've lost my sense of time. More than that.

I've lost my father. The tears that fill my eyes come unbidden. I choke back an inevitable sob. Sensei…

I lunged off the stool and threw my arms over the side of the tub, laying the side of my head against its edge and staring at my older brother's eerily still features. I closed my eyes tightly as silver droplets ran down my cheeks.

Desperation. That was all I had left.

My hands shake. The tears run down my face.

The door opens. Someone rushes to my side. They yell to Donatello. The next thing I know, someone is pulling me away. I don't know who it is. I don't see them. I don't see anything.

All I see is my father, being swept away. My brother in the bathtub…dying.

Several weeks later…

It's been a while since then. Donnie thinks my 'mild breakdown' resulted from shock. Everything had happened so fast, that the real nature of it hadn't settled in.

Both of my brothers had told me I could talk to them anytime. Not that I was going to. They wouldn't understand.

My hands still shake, but only when I'm not actively suppressing them.

I was back. Sitting on the stool in the bathroom. Every day. I was the only one.

They had changed. All of them. They acted exactly the same as they had before. Mikey was cheery, as usual, and Don was holed up in his new 'lab.' Casey was helping April repair things around the house.

They ignored me, for the most part. They understood that at least: I am not like them. I can't move on. I can't distract myself completely from the fact that my brother is lying unconscious in a bathtub.

Neither can they. I can see it in their eyes. That lingering uncertainty hanging in the back of their minds.

But, at least I can alleviate that feeling for them. As long as I am watching, they know they don't have to worry. That's why I stay here. To save them the grief, the heartbreak, the pain…

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

It's almost as though my mind is trying to find some kind of validity in the claim. In reality, even though I hate seeing my older 'Fearless' brother in this state, there is no place I would rather be at this moment.

Everyone knows we didn't have the smoothest of relationships, but somehow I feel like I need to be here. By Leo's side. Keeping watch. It's my responsibility.

Responsibility…The word brought up an altogether different train of thought.

What if Leo didn't make it? I hated to even think it, but internally I knew I had to consider the possibility. What would happen?

Then something else occurred to me. Sensei's gone. Leo's down.

I'm second oldest. As long as they're…I have to take responsibility.

I can't be the leader. I learned that through the escapade with Snakeweed. I don't have what it takes.

My eyes narrowed with determination. Maybe I can't lead them, but I can do my best to keep them going. I'm not ready. But I've learned after everything that's happened that fate doesn't act when you want it to.

Looks like I'm gonna have to step it up.

I stood slowly. There was a frog in my throat and my chest felt heavy. I lay a hand over Leonardo's and whispered, "I'll be back. I promise."

I looked over into the old, broken mirror. My eyes glinted and steeled over. Time to see to my brothers.

Another week passed. I have re-established myself with my brothers. Mikey and I horse around the way we used to.

For a while Don was insisting we have 'therapy sessions', but I quickly beat that idea out of his head. I mean, come on.

He said I need to talk about my feelings. Huh. It ain't like there's anything to talk about. My Father's gone and my brother's in a coma, how does he think I'm gonna feel?

I returned to my usual training regime, as best as I could. There wasn't much equipment to train with in the woods. I grew accustomed to using trees for target practice. The trees also became my sparring partners, whenever the others weren't around. I actually found myself enjoying our surroundings, though I'd never admit it out loud.

Nature brought out a side of me that I had never really known before.

I have always been a city guy at heart. The sound of bustling people and roaring traffic ease my conscience. But nature, nature made me feel…focused. It brought me a kind of inner peace that I had never known before.

But back to my brothers. With Leonardo still out, I had silently proclaimed myself temporary head of the family. 'Head of the family' mark you, not the leader. I could never be the leader.

They didn't seem to know the difference. They started looking up to me. Even Donatello, which I don't really get, since most of the time Don's brains outweigh my brawn ten to one. They began asking me what we should do, what our plans were for the future. I refused to answer. It wasn't my place to determine things like that. Or was it? I had taken a more active stance since both Sensei and Leo are…but I hadn't taken over. So whenever they asked me I would turn and rebuke them with a "Why're you asking me? I ain't the leader."

Then one day, Don plunged his finger in the wound and said, "No, you're not. But you're the oldest one left."

I was momentarily stunned, but I shook it off and retorted, "By like a day." I paused and added, "But that doesn't make me wisest."

Don looked hurt. Then his eyes hardened. "Brains didn't save New York City." He said bitterly.

Silence fell between us. I knew Don was still upset that his fighting contraption had failed. I knew he blamed himself for our defeat.

I mentally searched for the right thing to say and finally settled on, "Sometimes to succeed you need a balance of brain, brawn and enthusiasm." I paused and let that sink in before going on, "Honestly Don, I'm telling you now," my eyes flashed with emphasis, "I'm not going to replace him." I corrected myself, "Either of them."

Don gave me a level stare. "I know. I'm not asking you to. We're just depending on you. We need you to stay strong."

"No." I replied evenly.

Donatello stared. "What do you mean?"

My eyes flashed and my temper flared. My emotions seemed to be getting more and more flippant these days. "You can't just throw all that weight on me, Donnie. I can't take it. Not alone." My shoulders drooped, and my gaze lowered. I sighed and looked back up at him. Our gazes locked. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. We have to share the load. We can't depend on only one person. We depend on each other. That's what makes us a team. That's what we have to focus on." I put a hand on his shoulder.

His big brown eyes stared softly down at me. He whispered. "Listen to yourself Raph." Tears sprung up in his eyes, "You sound like him."

I found myself fighting back my own tears. "But I'm not him, Donnie. I'm not Leo."

It was Don's turn to comfort me. "No. I know."

That night I was back on the stool in the bathroom. Staring at Leo. It was only me. The others had long since gone to bed. "What do I do Leo?" I asked him forlornly, my head bowed.

There was no answer.

Two months. Two whole months and Leo was still unconscious.

I've been waiting so long.

I think its morning, but I'm not sure. I opened my eyes drowsily. Where am I? I rubbed my eyes gently, and looked around. Ah, of course. The bathroom. Leo…

I stepped down off the stool and stretched out. My spine cracked. I felt exhausted. I glanced over at the mirror. Gosh I look awful. My eyes are bloodshot, my muscles feel weak.

I've been spending all day with my brothers, Casey and April. And practically all night by Leo's side. I don't know how much more I can take.

If my rampaging emotions don't get me, my health will.

It's gotten so bad that even my brothers have started to notice. I can practically feel Mikey's innocent blue eyes following me every time we're in the same room.

He's worried, but I tell him I feel fine.

Don was going to send April to the store to buy some sleeping pills. But I told him it wasn't worth it. I wouldn't take them. He should know better than anyone: I hate anything that makes my mind fuzzy.

Anyway, I don't want worry them anymore than necessary. So I still sit with them during mealtimes, even though I haven't been very interested in eating lately.

I take one last look at Leo before leaving the room. I hope you wake up soon bro. Please.

I head briskly down the stairs and into the kitchen. There's no one there. Good. That means I don't have to eat anything. I went out into the woods. I started training. Just basic katas. Then I moved into the more advanced.

Suddenly I saw a squirrel watching me. Okay. Weird. I glared at the squirrel. It just stared blankly back at me. I growled and drew my sai. My green eyes narrowed and I jumped onto branch after it angrily. The squirrel scurried down the tree before I got him. Too bad.

If there's one thing about the woods I definitely don't like its the blasted critters. And the bugs. I hate the bugs.

"Raph, what the shell are you doing up there?" called my little brother's voice from down below.

I turned around, and had a seat on the branch. Don, Case, April and Mikey were all staring up at me with inquiring looks.

"What?" I said in feigned shock, my sai still clutched lightly in right hand. "Ya mean you ain't never seen a guy hunting squirrels before?"

Mikey flinched. Whoops. I forgot, after the whole 'mutant squirrel' episode all you had to do was mention them and he completely chickened out. Oh well. Too late now.

With the exception of the youngest, they all stared at me like I was nuts.

Finally April cleared her throat and asked, "What would you have to hunt squirrels for?"

I smirked. "For bushmeat what else?"

The redhead recoiled with disgust.

I chuckled. So did Casey.

Don changed the subject. "Did you eat breakfast?"

There he goes obsessing over my health again. "Yeah, yeah sure."

He gave me a scrutinizing glare. "You know I can tell when you're lying."

I smirked. "Sure you can." I answered. "But I know something you don't know."

Donnie put his hands on his hips and raised an eye-ridge. "Oh really? And what is that?"

"I'm in a tree."

They stared. Heh. They probably think I've lost it.

The brainiac frowned at me. "I can see that, Raph."

"Oh yeah?" I said with a smirk. I swiftly fell back into the shadows and jumped to different tree silently. See, all this training in the woods has also made me real good at blending in with my surroundings. Time to have a little fun with my brothers.

They were totally freaking out trying to find me. Ha.

I stared down at the four of them from a nearby tree.

I heard Don say something about 'he shouldn't even be out in this state' and I scoffed. That was rich.

I think they heard me, because Casey looked around and Don said, "Raph, if you don't come out of the trees, we'll go in and get you."

I laughed. They looked around, but I had begun moving from tree to tree so that they couldn't pinpoint my location.

"Calm down." I said, making sure I didn't give away my current hiding spot. "Think of it as a training exercise. Use your instincts. I bet you're way out of practice."

Don crossed his arms over his plastron like he was pouting. "No. I refuse to play your little games, Raphael. We have to get back in the house. Someone needs to keep an eye on Leo."

That sobered me up a little. My smile faltered. "Alright Don. I'll go back in and sit with him." I stated. I couldn't keep the weariness from slipping back into my voice.

April motioned to Don. "Donnie, Casey and I will go back to the house and I'll keep an eye on Leo. Please do it" then she whispered, "Come on Don, they both need it. Especially Raphael."

"I can hear you, ya know." I said, rolling my eyes. "Listen don't worry about it. I'll go sit with Leo."

April whirled around and spoke in the opposite direction of the tree where I was currently resting. I had to fight the urge to laugh. "No, no Raph. It's no problem. The guys could use some training."

Fine. If she was willing. Mikey and Don hadn't trained in a while, and they needed to keep their skills up.

"Alright you two. You think you can beat me?"

Mikey smiled and swelled with confidence. "You kidding bro? Don and I outnumber you."

Just for that he deserved a smack. I descended on them like lightning. I thrust my leg out and knocked Mikey backwards, before immediately retreating and taking cover in the trees.

Don helped Michelangelo up.

"When did you get so fast?!" Mikey asked, bewilderedly.

I smiled, as I jumped from one branch to the next. "When you two were busy feeding the chickens."

It was an afternoon well-spent. The three of us had trained all day. I was glad. Much as I hated to admit it, it helped keep my mind off of…

Yeah.

That night, I was back on the stool, by my brother's side. Same as almost every night for the past two months. I sighed. C'mon Leo. Come back to us. I thought as my mind drifted tenuously into sleep.

Another month came and went much the same. Don, Mikey and Casey all getting on my back, forcing me to sleep and to eat. Even then, most of the time I got by without. My constant training also made me eat at least a decent amount, but still nothing near the intake I used to have.

April is much more sneaky about it. She goads me into snacking by offering me my favorite foods. Though she usually finds some creative means of adding sleeping powder to the mix of ingredients. So basically I've learned not to accept her offers anymore.

Donatello tries to scare me by continuously citing the side effects of malnutrition. What he doesn't understand is that I really don't care. He says I've already lost at least ten to twenty pounds, and it wouldn't be healthy for me to lose anymore. I don't know how he knows how much I weigh these days. He probably just does.

Honestly, I like Casey's approach the best. He doesn't push me. He has me sit with him while he eats lunch and we talk. Eventually I feel like since he's eating, I ought to munch on something too. If I don't eat, then he resorts to more desperate measures, like heart to heart chats. There's nothing I dread more than heart to hearts with Casey.

Because Casey Jones is the only one here…or at least, the only one conscious, who can see right through me. He knows me better than I know myself, which is pretty creepy. Though the same could be said vice-versa. Sometimes we're just too alike for our own good.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, it's been almost another month. Right now we're training outside. I'm still not used to being able to walk around outside during the daytime. It feels weird.

Leo's still…in the bathtub.

And we're still having trouble adjusting.

Mikey started quoting one Master Splinter's proverbs, and my temper flared.

"Master Splinter's gone Mikey, and Leo may never wake up, the universe dealt us a terrible hand." I stormed back inside. I didn't bother looking back.

I sat, once again, by my older brother's side. I stared at him hopefully for a moment, and when nothing happened, I deflated with a sigh. It had been three months. I was beginning to lose hope.

I was just starting to drift off when… "r-Raph-"

My eyes shot open and I stared. It couldn't be. But he was…His eyes were open. He was staring at me. "Leo." I whispered breathlessly. I jumped up, the stool hitting the ground with a loud thud. "Guys! Guys! Get up here!" I could hear them coming up the stairs running. My heart pounded in my chest, tears threatened to fill my eyes, but I pushed them back. My brothers burst into the room and stared, both of them pushing past me eagerly. Though it was difficult, I allowed them to do so.

I wanted to hug Leo. I wanted to whine and cry and scream at him never to do anything like that to us ever again, but I suddenly found myself unable to approach. Donnie sent a strange glance in my direction and I pretended not to notice.

After we'd given Leo a basic recap of everything he'd missed, we were all settled in the farmhouse living room. I wanted to spend time with Leonardo. I wanted to talk to him alone. But as I watched, Michelangelo and April sat on either side of him, and engaged him conversation. They talked amiably. Mikey said something that made everybody laugh. I couldn't help but smile, even though I hadn't a word of it. My family was together again. But not whole. Not whole.

We might never be whole again not without...Sensei…

My smile melted into a frown. My heart clenched painfully in my chest.

Mikey's voice brought me back from my thoughts, though my mind failed to register what he had said. All of them were staring at me worriedly.

"Raph?" I turned to the speaker. Leo's dark blue eyes were clouded with confusion. I shook my head, turning to leave the room before they could stop me. I had no way of knowing my older brother's sad blue eyes followed me as I went.

Oh my gosh! This took a lot longer than I thought it would. That first section was so emotional, my hands were actually shaking as I wrote it. And this will have a follow up. (In Leo's POV) all the way through the whole Raph-plant incident.

Review Please! Those of you that suggested it to me, was it what you wanted? Thanks for reading!