Hey guys! This took a little longer than I expected, but here it is

P.S. The next chapter is already under construction. It's entitled: A Brother Brainwashed. I expect it to be sometime this upcoming week. I'm so excited! Thanks again to phoebegimenez7 for suggesting it!

Ch. 12-The Spirit is Willing, but the Flesh is Weak

I watched sadly as my immediate younger brother left the room. I knew what he was thinking about. I could see it in his eyes. I've only been awake an hour or so, but I can already feel the change in my brothers. Raph in particular has seemed…different. I don't really know how to explain it.

It's almost as though I can feel how much he's hurting.

The sound of a creak and a door slam echoed through the old farmhouse.

I turned to the others. "Where did he go?" They all looked at each other.

But Casey was the first to actually say something. "Out into the woods. He spends a lot of time there." Casey's eyes clouded over, "I'd let him be for now. He's got a lot to get out of his system."

I was silent. I don't know how Casey had known I was about to get up and go after Raph, but I decided to take his advice. Raph probably just needed time.

Later that night, I was stretched out on the bed in a room my brothers had set up. According to Don I was rooming with Raph. That was fine. I was used to it. Before we had moved to our own rooms, we used to be doubled up. I was with Raph and Don was with Mikey. In those days Raph's temper was much more unpredictable and I was the only one of my brothers strong enough to defend myself if need be. Of course he never meant to attack us. He just lost control.

That year or so that the two of us shared a room gave me a lot of insight as to my hotheaded brother's character. I knew how to handle his angry spells, but I still don't always understand him. He's just so complex.

Raph's emotional. He always has been. And his eyes are usually the easiest thing to read. But earlier this afternoon I couldn't see any emotion in them. I frowned. Raph must be more upset than I thought. He only actively hides his emotions when he doesn't want to burden us with them.

I heard a gentle knock at the door and glanced up. Raphael walked in slowly, his eyes still unreadable. He was silent. My dark blue eyes ran briefly up and down his frame, noting the subtle differences.

Raphael looked alright…for the most part. His shell had a few dents and scratches that I hadn't seen before, probably from the fight for New York City. He looked dead tired. His muscles were thick and chiseled as ever.

His eyes were bloodshot. But April had mentioned he hadn't been sleeping.

I frowned. There was something else, though. About his eyes. His eyes were…wrong. They were pale and foggy. Instead of neon green they were now a dull greenish-white.

His posture was also wrong. He stood with his head slightly bowed and his shoulders hunched. Raph had never been like that before. It wasn't in his personality.

I stared back into his eyes once more. There was something else there. Something hard and piercing. Pain. Pain and anguish.

"You okay?" I asked him mildly, my voice not quite capturing how concerned I was.

"No." I stared. That answer worried me. It was a very un-Raph-like answer. Raph usually tried to avoid talking about himself as much as he could. Giving straight answers wasn't like him.

"What's wrong?" I found the voice to ask.

His green eyes stared up into mine. He looked weary. "What isn't?"

Now that was a Raph-like answer. Always making things harder than they needed to be.

"Raph…" I began softly, but my voice faded. I couldn't bring myself to speak anymore.

Raph's faded green eyes rested on me for a moment, and when he perceived I wasn't saying any more they fell to the ground. I watched as my hotheaded brother turned and slowly left the room.

Raph… I reached out with one hand, but the appendage slowly fell back to my side. I couldn't find the words. I lowered my head with regret. What kind of brother am I? Raphael's in pain and I can't even do anything to comfort him.

The next day Raph pretended as though the whole thing had never even happened. He insisted on taking me out and getting me back in shape.

I did what I could, but I still felt horrible. I took some of the medicine Don gave me, but it didn't make me feel any better. If anything the medicine made it worse. I felt bad for disappointing Raph, but he was real gentle about it.

Honestly. I hate the way everyone treats me like I'm made of glass.

If I can get over this, I hope I'm able to do it soon. Otherwise I think my brothers obsessing over me will drive me nuts.

At least Raph seems to get it though.

I mean, he's worried and all, that much is obvious, but at least he lets me try and do things on my own. He only helps when I need him to.

There is something different about him though. I realized that out of all three of my brothers, Raph seems to have taken a really active role in the family. I was surprised because Raphael always seemed to keep mostly to himself, but now it looks like all of that has changed.

My lips curved upward into a small smile. I still remember how shocked I was when I arrived in the kitchen this morning to find Raph making breakfast.

Earlier this morning…

He'd turned towards me with an eye-ridge raised. "You up already?"

I just stared.

He ignored my stupefied expression and shrugged. "Well I guess you did always like an early start." He paused a moment to look in the fridge. "How do you like your eggs?" he asked.

I stared a moment longer, then shook it off. I couldn't believe it. I smiled. Then I realized Raph was offering me breakfast…cooked by him. I winced. "Umm…on second thought, I'll pass."

Green eyes glared. For a moment that familiar fire surfaced, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "You have to eat, Leo. You're still recovering."

I sat at the counter and rested my arms on it. "That's alright. I'll wait till Mikey gets up."

"Mikey's gone. He's busy feeding the chickens. I got up at four to make breakfast for them."

I stared once again. Raph never woke up before eight o'clock. Wait…he made breakfast for the others?!

He must have heard the unspoken question. "I started cooking so that Mikey didn't have to get up even earlier. He already had enough on his plate taking care of all the animals and everything." Raph sighed. "Poor kid was exhausted."

I was slightly surprised. I would have thought that if animals were involved, Raph would have been taking care of that. He was surprisingly good with that sort of thing.

The surprise on my face must have been visible. Because he added, "I would have switched jobs with him, but I needed to stay at the farmhouse in case you—" He cut himself off abruptly. Then he changed the subject. "So, how do you want your eggs?"

"Sunny side up." I answered automatically.

"Sure, three eggs comin' up."

End Flashback.

I was very proud of my immediate little brother. It eased my heart to know that he had been able to hold the family together. He was doing everything he could to keep things going. Like just now. He went out to cut firewood cause the lights went out.

I glanced at the clock. Hm. It's been a while. He should have been back by now. I got up and grabbed my crutch. I limped swiftly into the living room. My brothers glanced up at me.

Don asked, "What's up Leo?"

I frowned as I answered him. "Raph went out to chop wood over two hours ago. Shouldn't he be back by now?"

Donatello's frown matched mine. "Yeah he definitely should." He pushed himself up off the couch and glanced at the others. "Come on. We should go look for him."

We went outside. Casey and Mikey started shouting our missing brother's name. April pointed out that it was pointless and that we'd have to actively search for him.

Alright. I stepped in. "Alright split up. April and Casey, you take that way. Don and Mikey, that way."

Mikey and Donnie immediately protested. My eyes narrowed. I repeated sternly, "Mikey and Donnie, you take that way."

"What about you?" April asked.

I turned my head in her direction. "I'll wait at the farmhouse in case Raph comes back." I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. "I won't be much help out there anyway."

I hated being injured. I frowned as I limped back to the house. I just hope Raphael is okay.

It was only a few minutes later when a chill ran down my spine. My eyes widened. Something's wrong.

I jumped up so fast I jerked my injured leg. I winced in pain. My teeth clenched, but I pushed myself up. A new pair of katanas had been laid out for me on the hall table. I grabbed them on my way out the door. I grabbed my crutch and put it on my back.

My heart stopped as I approached the woods. I heard a scream.

I tried to keep moving forward, but my leg was giving me trouble. "Get on your feet, Leo. Quit whining and get up!" I told myself.

A sharp pain lanced through my arm. "Ah!" I cried.

April stepped out of the trees and I stared at her. "April?!"

She fell to the ground and reached towards me, some sort of strange vines wrapping around her ankle. I limped towards her as quickly as I could, but it was too late. She was dragged off into the darkness. "April!"

I followed the trail to an old abandoned shed. My eyes narrowed. I watched from the shadows as a huge, moss-like creature carried April and Casey inside. They were both unconscious. I was about to approach when I heard voices yelling from inside. That sounded like…Mikey and Don!

I growled. Only one thing to do. I gotta get that thing away from my family.

"Help! HELP!" I yelled as I concealed myself in the shadows.

The creature emerged. My eyes went white with anger. "Give me back my family, Freak." I stated coolly, lifting my katanas dangerously. The thing came at me and I dodged. It was fast. My leg hurt, but I did my best to ignore it.

Finally I got in a good hit and knocked Casey's hockey mask off its face. I was about to deal a final blow, but it grabbed me and hoisted me off the ground. Pain seized me as it pounded me into the ground over and over, before finally throwing me off to the side. My fists clenched. I had to beat this thing. For my brothers' sake.

My eyes searched around frantically for something to work with. My eyes landed on my crutch. The creature grabbed one of my katanas and came at me.

I desperately attempted to crawl to where my crutch was, but again my leg made me cringe in pain.

I grabbed the crutch just as the creature thrust the katana downwards. I dodged and thrust the crutch into the thing's face. I used the katana to help me stand and took it with me as I limped towards the old shed.

After I freed my brothers, Casey, and April, the creature came after us again.

The fact that Raph had been turned into some kind of plant-thing terrified me, but I pushed it out of my mind for now.

Right now we needed to concentrate on the battle at hand.

I devised a plan to lure the creature with the mutagen medicine. It was working. The others lured 'the creep,' as Mikey was calling it, outside and distracted it. When the moment was right I jumped out and stabbed the creature with a pitchfork, breaking the bottle of mutagen medicine in the process. Casey secured the thing with chains, and Don took over.

"That should hold him. Now come on, we gotta get him back to the lab."

I turned towards him, my worry resurfacing, "You really think you can save Raph?"

"Honestly…I don't know, Leo." The uncertainty in Don's voice made me feel as though an ice-cold hand had taken hold of my heart.

It was utterly terrifying. What if Raph…? No. No. Raph will make it. He always does, I told myself, immediately hating the doubt that had seeped into my thoughts.

"I just don't know." Don repeated softly.

I sat in Donatello's makeshift lab with Raphael. I watched as Donnie walked back and forth, checking his instruments, muttering to himself. Then a few words caught my attention.

"Well I could…but that might…" The brainiac frowned. "Or…no…could hurt him."

I stared up at him. "What could hurt him?"

Don turned to me rather reluctantly. "In order to restore Raph, I've got to get the mutagen back into his system, but…well, there's still a chance he might not revert to his turtle form." There was a short silence before he added. "And I have no idea what will happen if he does get restored. He might not remember anything, or he might have some kind of side-effect. I really don't know."

Donatello sent everyone but April out of the room. I stayed silent. I didn't want to get kicked out. April helped him secure IV tubes from Raph to the Creature. I hoped that whatever Don has planned works.

After a few minutes Donnie came up to me. "Leo, why don't you go and get some rest? I'll call you when there's any change-" he corrected himself, "-if there's any change."

I glared at him. "First of all, I'm not leaving. I-" my voice cracked, "I want to be here. I-I can't leave him."

Donatello frowned but said nothing.

"And second, Raph will be alright. We have to keep telling ourselves that. If we give up now…" I stared down at the plant-like figure on the table. That's all that's left of my brother. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless.

Don put a hand on my shoulder.

Tears clouded my eyes. We can't lose Raphael. We just can't. We need him. I need him.

My whole family knows how much I rely on Raphael's temper to balance me. Damn it that sounds so selfish. It's not really what I'm trying to get at, but I just can't put it into words.

Raph and I rely on each other. A lot more than we'd like to admit.

If Raph doesn't make it through this…I don't think I'll ever be able to recover. Not to mention that I'd never forgive myself. My injuries prevented me from getting there in time to save him.

I stared down at the plant on the table. Come on bro, come back to us.

The rest of the night was like something out of my nightmares. I sat by Raph's side. Watching as the mutagen flowed at a torturously slow pace back into what was left of my little brother. So far, nothing had happened.

My heart clenched. I turned to Don, "Is it working?"

Donatello checked the instruments. "Looks like it."

"Nothing's changed." I stated, staring at him inquiringly.

The brainiac grabbed a clipboard. "According to my estimates, it should take at least three more hours. I don't want to rush it. If I re-mutate him too fast, it could backfire."

I nodded.

Then I drew back into my thoughts. I wonder if this was how Raph felt while I was out.

Don seemed to read my mind. "He was ten times worse."

I raised an eye-ridge.

Donatello elaborated, tentatively. He whispered, "Raph took Sensei's fall real hard. And then, when you were…he was devastated. He fell apart. Completely."

I stared. After a few moments, I raised an eye-ridge. There was something Don wasn't telling me.

The brainiac finally gave in and stated, softly, "He suffered an intense emotional breakdown."

My gaze fell on Raphael. My heart clenched. My eyes watered. I…

I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, little brother. Now that Master Splinter's gone we need each other even more than before. I can't believe that Raph had to wait three months for me to wake up. It must have been a horrible experience for him. I can't even imagine the pain my brothers must have been in.

Though, from what the others had told me, Raph was the one that kept the family going. He kept them training, kept them working as a team, and most importantly, he kept them from losing hope.

Learning that he had suffered a breakdown only made me that much more proud of him. He went through all of that and still came out on top. I smiled.

That's my hotheaded little brother. Always fighting through till the end.

When all this is over, I'm going to tell Raph how proud I am.

Several hours later…

Raph is alright. I'm so relieved. He didn't remember what happened, but other than that he appeared to be undamaged.

Thank goodness.

April told Raph that I'd stayed with him and he stared at me in awe. "That's what brothers are for. We gotta heal up, Raph. We have a city to take back."

Raph's smile warmed my heart.

Michelangelo cheered and we all laughed.

Later that night, Raph and I were in our room. I put a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?" I asked softly, my voice conveying my worry.

Raph shrugged. "I'm a little shaken. Other than that I'm good. What about you?" I could see the worry in his eyes.

I smiled softly. "I'll be fine, as long as you're willing to help me get back in shape."

He smiled back.

I moved to sit down on his bed. I motioned for him to sit next to me. He did so. I could see the nervousness in his eyes.

"Raph, Donatello told me about—well, about your breakdown." Was it just me, or did just Raph turn a different shade of green? My arms shot out and grabbed his shoulders to reassure him. "Whoa, whoa, it's okay! Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. Look Raph, what I wanted to tell you was that I'm proud of you." Raph froze. All the tension in his shoulders vanished. He stared.

After a few long moments nothing happened. I cleared my throat. Raph still said nothing. I released his shoulders. Then I whispered, "I was so worried about you little brother."

That did it. I watched worriedly, as Raph began to tremble. His hands shook. His entire body shook.

Before I could say 'booyakasha' my immediate younger brother had wrapped his arms around me. He was crying his eyes out. My arms slowly rose. I patted the back of his shell softly. My lips curved into a gentle smile. I hugged him back tightly. The next thing I knew, he was rambling on and on about what had happened while I was asleep. I listened intently, rubbing circles against his carapace. By the time he finished my eyes, too, were filled with tears. I whispered comforting words of reassurance. Reiterating over and over again how proud I was, and how great a job he had done. I hugged him and told him I wasn't going anywhere. He sighed in relief and I could see that his heart was a little lighter. I smiled. I was glad he'd finally confided in me.

Eventually he fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. I smiled down at him. I gently laid him down on his bed and put the blanket over him. Then I stood and limped over to my bed.

Mikey came in. I signaled frantically to him and when he saw that Raph was sleeping, his eyes gleamed in understanding. He looked relieved. I bet they were all worried about Raph's irregular sleeping habits.

Michelangelo moved over towards me. He whispered, "Leo. Sorry to disturb bro." He glanced over at Raph again. "I'm glad he's getting some sleep. He's been overworking himself for the past two months." I hadn't often seen that worried look displayed so openly in Mikey's eyes. For him to show even that the situation must have been much more serious than I thought.

"Raph just told me all about what happened to him while I was unconscious." I stopped. Mikey looked at me, with a very serious stare. That threw me off. "What is it? Don told me about the breakdown, if that's what you're worried about."

Michelangelo sighed. "I don't suppose D also told you that he hasn't been eating?"

I stared, my eyes wide with concern. Mikey nodded, with a similar expression on his face. Then his big blue eyes turned tenderly towards Raph's sleeping form. "Donnie thinks he's lost about ten pounds. It wouldn't be healthy for him to lose any more." With that, Mikey headed back towards the door. "We can talk later, bro. Right now you should follow Raph's example and catch some winks. We'll talk in the mornin'. I'll make breakfast, too. Raphie boy has had a long day. He deserves to sleep in."

I nodded and Mikey left with a whispered, "Good night bro."

"Good night, Mikey."

I turned and glanced back over towards my sleeping brother's form. No wonder the others had been worried about Raph.

I'm worried too. Looks like I'll have to keep a closer eye on my little brother. Raphael has never been too good at sharing his feelings. This time it seems like he was holding them in for so long that he ended up tearing himself apart. He'd completely sacrificed his well-being to keep the family going. I frowned.

And I'll definitely be keeping an eye on Raphael's eating habits from now on. And making certain that he doesn't allow my health to become his top priority. I could take care of myself. But I also had to make sure we both recovered from out injuries. Physically and Emotionally. We'd all been through a lot. But I'll keep Raph from worrying too much. I can take some of the weight off of his shoulders. We'll share the load.

After all, that's what brothers are for.

So how was it?