04 Tamarac
Entering the cubicle farm of my office, I continued to stare at the bluebell flowers in my hand as I slowly made my way to my desk. The vibrant blue in my hand did not seem possible, but when my fingers glided over the petals, the flower felt very much real, the scent simple and pleasing.
Dee noticed my trancelike state as I stood next to my desk. "What are you doing?" she asked.
I glanced at my friend for a moment before setting half of the flowers onto the corner of her desk.
She gasped as she picked one up by its plucked stem. "Where did you get these?"
"Um...some woman outside is giving them away." I sat into my chair and deposited my remaining flowers onto my desk, propping them up one at a time against my monitor stand.
"Why are you being so cagey?"
I turned my chair to find my friend observing me. "I'm not being cagey."
"Yes you are. How long have we known each other? I can tell when something is up."
"What?" I smiled. "Some woman is handing out splendidly blue flowers. That's all."
"These are splendid." Dee further inspected the flower in her hand. "These cannot be native to Minnesota. I'd remember them if they were."
"I agree; I don't think they are from around here. There are similar flowers up north where I go mountain biking, but they are a light blue, nothing like these."
"Why is the woman handing them out?" asked Dee.
"What do you mean?"
"Are they handing out the flowers for an event or charity?"
"I don't know." I calmly faced my desk.
"So," said Dee, sounding skeptical, "someone is handing out these gorgeous little gems just for the hell of it?"
"Yes," I replied, feeling defensive. "I guess. I don't know. I just accepted them."
"Not cagey, my ass."
Grinning, I gestured to the door. "If you want, we can go outside right now and ask her."
"No no. That's fine." Dee glanced at me from the corner of her eye. "I'll find out eventually. I always do."
Happy to let my white lie drop, I returned to studying my flower. "Who knows; maybe these are native to Minnesota. The next time I go mountain biking, I'll look for them, perhaps even this weekend."
"Do you even know where to look?"
Sniffing the petals, the subtle floral scent reminded me of the woman's instructions to follow my heart. Smiling, I replied. "I think I do."
...
Unable to sleep, I awoke early the next morning to drive the five plus hours needed to reach Tamarac National Refuge—my home away from home. Here, I often spent my summer weekends, biking on the trails and swimming in the lakes. After unloading my bike, I fastened two large water bottles to the frame—the forecast predicted to be sweltering. With biting black flies and mosquitoes insisting that I do not stop and think, I promptly hopped onto my bike and began my search for the bluebells...and the woman.
Traveling on a narrow service trail used by park rangers, I biked a 12-mile circle through the forest. Passing by several clearings that displayed wildflowers, I stumbled upon several white and yellow varieties—their names completely foreign to me since I never had an interest in botany. At one location, I discovered a great swath of purple flowers. For all I knew, I may have found every type of wild flower native to Minnesota, except for the elusive blue.
Biking past the clearing where I had parked my car, I biked through a small section of woods that opened up into a much larger prairie that once was a settler's farm. Biking east, I headed for the south side of Tamarac Lake—the location the woman had mentioned in her story. The landscape dazzling any time of year, I would have paused had it not been for all the unrelenting biting insects whipped up into a fervor by my sweat; nonetheless, I pushed my way through the half mile of prairie grass only to discover small white wildflowers dotting the shoreline.
I returned to my car, bleeding from many bites, out of drinking water, and exhausted. Frustratingly tossing my bike under the back hatch of my car, I jumped inside to start the engine so that the air conditioning could blast over my body.
Trying to recall other wildflower sightings, I realized that the flowers seemed more frequented at the edges of clearings and near the lakes, so most of the forest could be ruled out. I then remembered another abandoned farm on the other side of the lake, alongside a second smaller lake named Flat Lake. Needing to save my energy, I decided to drive to entrance of the trail.
Back on my bicycle, the search along the trail only resulted in more insect bites and worsening dehydration as my profuse sweating only increased in the hot afternoon sun. At the end of the trail, all I found was a stifling hot prairie with cattails heavily dotting the swampy edge of Flat Lake.
Nearing complete physical exhaustion, I decided to ride past my car parked on the side of a gravel road and head for the north side of Tamarac Lake. I turned off the gravel road onto a long narrow path that led to a secluded boat landing. Though there were dozens of lakes in the refuge, this one location provided a convenient place to swim since the swampy shoreline remained clear around the boat landing.
Biking hurriedly to stay in front of the biting flies, I made the last turn on the rutted dirt road and skidded to a stop at the edge of a small clearing. Letting my bike fall, I tore off my baseball hat and shirt as I stepped onto the concrete boat-landing slab that led to the water. Stripping off my shoes and socks, I gripped my shorts when I noticed the mysterious woman skinny-dipping in the water.
As if lost in a dream, I numbly stood frozen and stared.
She turned, as if expecting me, and smiled. "Well. Aren't you going come in? You're going to be eaten alive all covered in sweat like that."
No sooner, a black fly bit me on my shoulder. I instinctively slapped the insect and spitefully stomped out its tiny life as it struggled on the ground. However, I did not rush into the water, for I quickly fell into another trance as the woman turned about, her flesh gracing the surface of the lake as she swam.
The woman changed directions, swimming perpendicular to the shore. "If you are a prude, I'll turn away so you can finish undressing." She turned slowly towards the center of the lake, swimming a slow breaststroke.
When a second fly bit hard into my side, I slapped the pest and promptly pulled off my shorts and underwear before gingerly stepping over algae covered stones easily seen below the surface of the water. As soon as water reached my thighs, I let myself fall forward and began swimming for deeper water.
Deeply submerging my head with each breaststroke, I made sure to rinse the sweat from my face and hair to lessen the scent that seemed to attract the flies and mosquitoes. As I followed the woman, I found myself swimming into light winds, which also aided in deflecting the insects.
The woman began treading water and turned to face me. "Now, isn't this better?"
"I was afraid that I wouldn't find you. I was looking for the bluebells."
One corner of the woman's mouth curled up as she briefly glimpsed south over the water. "Not everyone can find the bluebells, even when they are right under their nose."
"What if I hadn't decided to go swimming?"
"I would have sought you out, but I knew that you like to come here on the hotter days."
I began swimming to the side so that the late afternoon sun would not blind me, all the while, keeping an unthreatening distance between the woman and me. "I wish you would have sought me out earlier. I'm exhausted."
"Poor baby." The woman gave me a pouting look before splashing water in my face. "Exercise is good for you. It clears your thoughts, which you need. You have an important decision to make."
Pressing the splashed water from my eyes, I said, "I've already decided. I want to visit your tribe. I'm ready to go."
"Not today," said the woman. "Tell me tomorrow." The woman then began to circle me, just out of reach, her swimming skills much better than mine. "You cannot formally accept until tomorrow."
"Why?"
"I want you to be certain." The woman slowed as her expression turned serious. "If you visit my world, it will cost you a year of your life. You will only experience days in my world, but you will actually be absent from yours for a year. Your absence could cost you everything."
My brow became heavy with the news. "A year? Why didn't you tell me at the hospital? I could have prepared, taken a leave of absence."
"I didn't tell you because you would not have come." Failing to hold back her smile, he eyes betrayed her keenness. She was right, and we both knew it. She dove beneath the water, her buttocks breaking the surface.
When she reemerged further away, I swam towards her. "If I go with you tomorrow, what will I see? Whom will I meet? Is everyone mostly Indian?"
The woman turned to me, slowly swimming backward into the breeze. "There are only a couple Indians. But you'll mostly find a large variety of people."
"But you say they are all fairi—." I bit my lip. "They are spirits of a different sort?"
"Yes."
"Are you one?"
The woman gave a faint shrug, her lips forming a faint grin.
"How do I know that you're not a forest nymph, or naiad, here to abduct me, to lure me into the water?"
"Why would I do that?" The woman turned her face into the sun, her skin glistening under the warm sunlight. Her brown eyes appeared golden and radiant.
Clearing my throat, I replied, "You tell me."
As we treaded water, our bodies drifted closer, to the point we were within arm's reach from one another.
Feeling usually bold, I asked, "May I kiss you?"
The woman paused briefly, and without divulging a hint of emotion, replied simply, "No."
My gaze diverted to the water as I let her drift away.
"Don't be sad," she said as she swam backwards towards shore. As she swam, her smile only seemed to grow. "I'll tell you what; if you can answer one simple question, I'll have sex with you."
I inhaled a splash of water and began coughing. Clearing my throat, I choked out the words, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me; answer a simple question, and I'll have sex with you. You can do whatever you want to me. I will be a princess or a whore. Whatever you want."
I began following the woman towards shore. "What if I get the answer wrong?"
"Then you don't get to have sex with me. As simple as that, there is no catch."
With a beaming smile, I said, "Okay. What is the question?"
The woman began treading in place. "What's my name?"
My swimming slowed as my eyes flitted away. Slowly, I returned my gazed to the woman who had clearly noticed my social indiscretion.
Mockingly, the woman looked at me inquisitively. "Don't you at least want to take a guess?"
"I don't know your name. I'm sorry."
"There is no harm guessing."
Feeling dejected, perhaps embarrassed, I flippantly guessed, "Pocahontas?"
The woman sneered at me from behind her smile. "Oh, please. Is that the only Indian name you know?"
"Maybe," I said. "How about Swims in Water?"
"Now you're just being silly."
Encouraged by her smile, I again drifted towards her, "May I have a clue?"
"One."
"Is it an Indian name?"
"No." The woman turned and again swam for shore.
"No?" I frowned. "That actually makes my guess harder."
"Not my problem." The woman spun around and began swimming backwards. "What's your guess?"
My attention focused on the woman's golden brown eyes. "Olivia?"
"No." The woman simply stared at me as if not amused by her easy victory.
"Can I still kiss you?"
"No. You guessed wrong. Those are the rules."
My thoughts returned to our prior encounters. "You never told me your name."
"I sought out and learned your name, Frederick. Weren't you curious about mine?"
With my embarrassment growing, I began to look away when I detected a faint smile beneath knowing eyes. "You know don't you?"
Lifting her chin slightly, the woman remained obstinately silent.
"You know that I have trouble remembering names; don't you?"
The woman nodded. "You are different, like your daughter."
With a heavy sigh, I directed my gaze away, to the dense trees along the shoreline. "Then you know that if I was born today, they would have diagnosed me with a mental disability and pumped me full of drugs."
The woman scowled at me. "You are not disabled. Like your daughter, you are just different, enhanced."
"I have never felt enhanced."
"But you are. Please tell me; how did you label me since you never sought out my name?"
Feeling foolish, I hesitated to answer as I swam past the woman towards shore. With a sigh, I replied, "In my mind, you are more of a visual bookmark. I don't connect word descriptions to people; I take mental snapshots. If I had to describe my image of you, I'd say that you are a most interesting Indian woman, fit and strong, with captivating eyes."
"Do you make mental snapshots for everyone you meet?"
"Yes. I've worked with a handful of doctors for over 10 years, and I still cannot remember all their names. I see their faces, their hairstyles, and the common suits they wear, but I have no clue to their names. I've tried various remembering techniques, but they never work. I have even pulled up their profiles repeatedly on the computer, hoping it would help me to remember, but I don't. I feel bad each time I fail to address someone by their name."
The woman swam up alongside me as we neared the shore. "Don't feel bad. Iktomi thinks you may have evolved beyond everyone else. That perhaps a distant relative of yours may have crossed paths with one of us. That is perhaps why you are different."
Feeling the algae covered rocks under me, I stopped swimming and faced the woman. "What would Iktomi know of me?"
"I brought Iktomi here on one of my visits to get his opinion of you."
"You spied on me?"
"No. We are all fond of being in this forest, and during one particular visit, Iktomi and I decided to observe one splendid forest creature: namely you."
My head lifted as a forgotten memory rushed back to me. "The abandoned farm on the east side of wildlife refuge, I spent an afternoon there, lying in a simple hammock that I had brought. I remember swinging in a strong breeze, foolishly talking to a golden eagle that circled high overhead—basically talking to myself. Occasionally, I would stop and listen to the forest. I kept thinking that I could hear whispering."
The woman's smile grew. "Yes. Iktomi and I were in the forest, observing you. He was impressed by your oneness with nature."
I laughed aloud.
"What?" she asked.
"This is insane. You're insane." Frustrated, I closed my eyes and pressed my hand against my forehead. Taking a calming breath, I opened my eyes and sighed with relief when I found the woman undeterred by my emotional outburst. "Sorry," I said. "I did not mean to be rude. I just don't believe any of this."
The woman's demeanor remained warm, never wavering. "Then why are you still here?" she asked in a friendly tone.
"I'm still here because..." Swallowing hard, I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly before saying, "I'm still here because I want everything you have told me to be true. I don't believe that you are over a century old. I don't believe in Iktomi. But in my heart, I wish it all to be real."
With an approving look, the woman began to walk out of the lake, the water dripping from her nude body. Using her hands as squeegees, she began brushing the beads of water from her skin.
From the shoreline, I watched with my mouth agape in blissful silence. When she reached for her clothes, I asked, "No kiss then?"
She fumbled with her blouse, turning it right side out. "Nope, but if you want, I'll stand here naked for a bit longer so you can masturbate."
"You'd do that?"
With a raised brow, she coolly eyed me. "Would you?"
Nearly breaking out into laughter, I shook my head before turning to the side "I'm sorry I stared, just now."
The woman pulled up her loose fitting shorts. "I don't mind. I still consider you a gentleman."
"Am I?"
"Yes, of course." The woman combed her fingers through her hair, squeezing out the lake water before brushing it past her shoulders. "I wouldn't be here otherwise."
Once she had donned her clothes, my thoughts returned to our previous discussion. "What is your name?"
Smiling, the woman rested her hands upon her hips. "You tell me."
"Why won't you say?"
"I could, but you'd just forget it."
Feeling the sting of her lighthearted barb, I bit my lip. "I would never forget your name."
Smirking, the woman crossed her arms. "Perhaps, but you don't label people with names, you see them for what they are."
"I'm a freak," I said, my smile fading. "Like my—"
"Don't" The woman again scowled at me. "Like I said, you are emotionally enhanced." As her scowl faded, the woman turned her head to the woods and whistled. Gnawing her lip in though, she slowly turned back to me with a fresh thought. "Tell you what; why don't you name me."
"Why? I won't forget."
"I want you to pick a name. This way, it will be something special between us."
After a short pause, I relented and said, "Mary."
"Why Mary?"
"You saved me on the roof. It reminds me of a song in which a Mary, a sister, saved the protagonist."
With a nod, the woman smiled with approval. "Mary it is."
The sound of foliage under heavy foot drew our attentions to the trees. Out of the shadows, a great white horse emerged. The creature calmly entered the clearing, stopping before Mary. Scratching the beast's neck briefly, Mary swung herself up with ease onto the animal's back, which was free of a saddle.
Taken aback by the animal's magnificence, I looked up at Mary and asked timidly, "What is your horse's name?"
"He doesn't have a name, and he belongs to no one. He's my friend."
The horse bowed his head, and I immediately felt as if the animal was studying me, and not just casually—as if I had blocked its path. The animal seemed to hold a genuine curiosity towards me.
I nervously slid back into deeper water. "Why no name?"
"Like most animals, he doesn't want to be named. You two should get along nicely."
"I hate names because I can never remember them. Why do animals hate names?"
"If we name them, they feel as if we have taken away a piece of their liberty."
"Don't you do the same by riding him?"
Mary patted the horse's neck. "Oh, no. I haven't forced him to do anything. He's my friend and likes to help me travel between our worlds. Besides, our trips give him the opportunity to eat as many bluebells as he likes."
Seeing the animal still fixated with me, I waved my hand and said, "Hello."
Mary burst out laughing as the horse's head bobbed gently, the animal apparently amused.
"What?" I asked.
"For someone who doesn't believe in my tales, you certainly don't show it."
From mixed emotions, my face became flush. "Well, I'm sitting here naked at an edge of a lake, talking to a supposed 150-year-old woman riding the most incredible horse I've ever seen. Something has to give. Like I said before, I want to believe."
"I know you do." Mary whispered into the horse's ear, and the animal began to turn.
Not wanting to see her go, I began to stand when I promptly dropped back into the water, for I was a prude. "Where and when do we meet tomorrow?"
Mary looked back over her shoulder. "How about your normal parking spot on the other side of the lake? Come any time before sundown. We'll be around."
"Okay."
As horse and rider entered the forest, Mary called back to me. "Remember that this adventure will cost you a year of your life...if not everything you hold dear."
Somewhat stunned by it all, I remained in the water as I listened to the sound of the horse press through the foliage, well out of sight. Already reminiscing the extraordinary day, I was smiling when multiple mosquitoes simultaneously bit my neck and back, pulling me into the present. Stepping gingerly out of the lake over the slippery, algae-covered stones, I reached the concrete boat-landing slab without falling and dashed for my clothes. Hurriedly, I donned my shorts and shirt as the biting insects attacked. Slipping on my shoes, I hopped onto my mountain bike and began pedaling.
Passing the spot where the horse had entered the forest, I could see the faint disturbance in the brush, but no more, for there was no trail in this section of forest that I could remember. With black flies landing on my skin, I ignored my curiosity and began to bike forward.
That night in my motel, I consumed a pizza and several bottles of water as I listened to classical music on a staticky bedside radio. I felt giddy by all the strange events, astonished at myself for wanting to travel with this woman, Mary. I had never taken a risk in my life, never ventured anywhere exotic. Over the course of my dull life, I did everything expected of me, paid all my taxes, even drove the speed limit. So why am I willing to follow this stranger to some strange land? Why risk everything? Biting off another large bite of pizza, I thought, Because I have yet to live. Something Mary had already taught me.