Hey Arwenites! Firstly my sincerest apologies for the loooong hiatus with this story. RL truly took over and the last 7 months have been full on. I'm back and yes, the story is almost at an end so this is the next lot of chapters. I would like to thank each and everyone of you for reading, reviewing, following, and favouriting this story. Update time! :)

Note: the bold italicized writing you see in some paragraphs here refer to song lyrics. Hopefully it doesn't get too confusing :)

Chapter 45: The One When Merlin Helps (Sort of) I

Gwen Leodegrance is feeling more than a tad grouchy. She couldn't sleep a wink last night. Why? Because she was up most of the night pacing. Then tried watching TV, but even River Cottage re-runs weren't exciting. Neither was making jam. Five pots of the stuff later. So she scrubbed her bathtub. Then the bathroom too. Nope. Still awake.

Gwen's POV

Bloody Uther! Uther? How is this his fault?! Well if he hadn't come down to the school all…apologetically and…normal. Yeaaaah…but how is it his fault? Okay, it's not. It's Arthur's. Right...Well it is! Okay sure. Stop doing that. Doing what? If you say so then, it is…Bullocks! Damn that man! Who Uther? No! Aaarrrgggh! Keep up please! Sorry, that's getting hard to do considering its 3am and we've just used half a bottle of Ajax on our bathtub. The fumes are getting to me and you could eat off that thing now! Well what else can I do? I can't sleep…I couldn't teach yesterday or anything after his dad came round. Why did he have to do that? Do what? Apologise. Maybe because he realized it's the right thing to do? And maybe deep down inside he's not the Devil? And you know that Arthur had nothing to do with it. I am willing to bet his son had no idea he came to see you. So what's with the angst? It's just…I still love Arthur..Yes, we all know that. But I can't just lie down and let him walk all over me - again..Yes we know that too. But…But? Why can't I get over him? Why can't I not think about him and care how he feels or about what he's doing? He hurt me, but we've spoken. I should just be able to stop now…But I can't…

Somehow, she did manage to go to sleep, but then the neighbours above decided to do their usual slam doors loudly at 7 am while they go out thing so she bolted upright on the couch, then glancing at her watch, groaned and fell back down. She had to get up and get ready for work soon anyway.

Struggling to lock the door whilst holding two tote bags and her travel mug, Gwen finally succeeds and as she lifts her head up, she spots a yellow post-it note stuck to her door. The building has a strict rule about people sticking things up, but this one's stuck to her door, so she moves forward to take a quick look.

Written in black marker pen is "I must give the impression that I have the answers for everything…"

Gwen's POV

That writing…Its…It looks very much like Arthur's. But then…why would he be sticking random post-its on my door? Madness. I'm knackered. And now clearly jumping to conclusions. I'd better get to school.

Trying not to give it another thought, she quickly pockets it in her jacket, and then hurries off.

The students file into her classroom and she announces that its quiz time, smiling as they all groan good naturedly. She reaches into her bottom drawer to grab a biro, and then she spots another yellow post-it. Looking around the room, she watches the students organizing themselves for the quiz, and then slowly she takes it out of the drawer.

In the same black scrawling marker pen ink it says "You were so disappointed to see me unravel so easily.."

Gwen shakes her head, looking up and around again.

Gwen's POV

What's going on? Isn't it obvious? Uh no…What is seems like is that Arthur Pendragon is playing some weird trick involving the use of yellow post-its notes taken from the PI stationery cupboards. Thought you would've needed a req form or something before you do that…Why are you even thinking about it? Who cares! Or someone else is playing a joke on me…Merlin? Gwaine? Odd…Maybe it's-

"Uh..Miss Gwen? You okay?" one of the students calls out to her as they all wait quietly for her to start the game.

Gwen snaps back to attention, and putting the note into her bag, she goes back to teaching.

"Hiya Gwen!" Jake calls out to her from behind the counter in the Admin office. Gwen smiles at him as she reaches into her cubbyhole to grab her stack of mail and notices. As she pulls them out, something yellow flutters to the ground and Jake reaches down to pick it up.

"Here you go", he hands it to her. Then his friendly smile turns to worry when he spots Gwen's expression change when she looks at the note.

"Is…everything alright?" he asks her.

She reads the note with the identical writing, this one reads, "(but) it's only change…"

She shakes her head slowly and shows it to Jake who frowns slightly.

"What does that mean? Do you know who it's from?" he asks her.

She shrugs.

"I have an…idea but…It's weird. And…definitely not like him", she finally offers.

Jake's eyebrows rise with surprise.

"Ahhh…I see", he says, moving aside, to let her follow him out to the canteen.

"What?" she asks.

Jake shakes his head then gives her a cheeky smile.

"Nah, it's interesting that's all..Listen Gwen..I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me along to the wedding the other weekend. I had a blast and your friends are a great bunch. Plus…Well, I just wanted to check that things were cool with us, since..Mitzy and I are…well-"

Gwen turns to him and grabs his arm, her eyes shining.

"Really?! Woah! So…how did that happen?" she smiles at him, the cryptic notes momentarily forgotten.

Jake smiles and reddens slightly.

"Uh..well, we just kind of hit it off really well at the cocktail and then yeah…got to talking more at the wedding and we've been talking on the phone a couple of times since then. We've got a date to see that new Japanese art exhibition at the Camelot City Gallery tomorrow. A friend of mine works there so he gave me a couple of free tickets. Gwen...are you okay with this? I mean..she is kind of, well was..Arthur's…uh..well whatever she was so..?", his voice trails off as he watches her face for any negative reactions.

Gwen laughs, and nudges him.

"Jake, that's great. And I have no hard feelings towards her at all. If you like her, and she likes you, then you should definitely hang out and get to know her better. I am fine. Really".

He lets out a mock sigh of relief and they both crack up.

There are no more odd notes for the rest of the day. And although Gwen's relieved, she also can't help feeling that slight pang of…something she doesn't want to think about. At any rate, she's exhausted from lack of sleep and can't even be bothered organizing a proper tea so she just grabs some of the bakery bread she's just bought and opening one of the bottles of jams she made earlier, slathers it all over a large slab of it and begins eating.

The phone rings.

"Merlin…Hey..Yep, all good here. Just..not enough sleep. Uh…well I don't know, it was probably just one of those nights. I think I need to start exercising at night time. The Y is offering classes at-

"Why aren't you sleeping?! You're not moping around the flat are you Gwen? We are signing up for advanced yoga next week, don't forget! We're starting our New Year's resolutions early!" Morgana's voice cuts into the call.

Sighing she puts the phone on loudspeaker from her end too, and continues munching on her bread.

"Hey Morgs. Nice to hear you too. I'm fine…Just too many late nights reading and doing stuff for school."

"Really?" her friend isn't letting up.

"Anyways", Merlin struggles to regain control of the call. Gwen can picture him giving his best attempted glare at his (sometimes scary) wife and the thought makes her want to giggle, but since her mouth is full of fresh bread and jam, she remains silent.

"..Reason I called is 'cos there's a brunch on Sunday for the gang and-"

"Really? Ellie didn't say anything to me about it", Morgs sounds surprised, "I just spoke to her this morning when she rang..Gwennie did she say anything to you the other day when I dropped you both off at the antenatal clinic?"

"Nope. So what's the occasion Merls?"

Silence.

"…Er..well…you know since Elyan's leaving on Monday they thought-"

Both Gwen and Morgana interrupt him this time.

"We've already had a farewell thing for El..."

Merlin seems annoyed with the interruptions.

"I don't bloody know okay?! I was just told to inform you all! So don't ask me for more details! Just be there at 11 okay?!"

And apparently flustered.

Gwen tries to hold back her giggles again.

"Okay, sure Merls. Great..Well, I'd better get to bed soon. See you all on Sunday at the bistro".

"Wait on..Gwen..will you be..walking there then?"

"Walking where?"

"To Leon's".

"Uh…yes, if the weather's good. You know me; why jump on the bus when you can walk it?"

"Merlin why are you asking Gwen that?" Morgana sounds as puzzled as Gwen.

"Oh, no reason…Just coordinating time and all that. Okay well..good night!" he replies hurriedly, moving away from the phone.

"My hubby can be a little bit odd sometimes", Morgana muses to her friend.

"Just sometimes?" Gwen quips and they both laugh.

"Night Gwen. Love you!" Morgana hangs up.

Thankfully, Gwen is able to sleep better that night so the next morning she wakes up early and goes for her run.

When she returns to the flat, feeling energized and more relaxed as she hums along to Mika's 'Celebrate' on her IPod, she fiddles in her pockets for her keys then she sees it.

Another yellow post-it on her door. This one reads, "It's only change…"

She bites her lip then looks up and down her hallway. It's only a quarter to 7 so there's no one around. Nor did she spot anyone in the stairwell or on the street that she knew. Pulling the note off the door, she goes in to get ready for her day.

She's so distracted by the note she almost misses her bus. When she climbs abroad she swipes her Go Card and is about to find a place to sit when the bus driver raises his hand to stop her.

"Excuse me Miss, is your name by any chance Gwen who gets off at Stop #34 off Trentham Ave?" he asks, looking her up and down, as if she's in a police lineup.

She frowns slightly, then nods, "Yes, that's me.."

"Then this is for you love", he hands her a small white envelope.

She stares at him, then down at the envelope.

She wants to ask him what it is, and why a complete stranger is handing her envelopes but he's already reaching for the next person's ticket with his other hand.

Thanking him, she takes it, and then hurries to find a spot.

The envelope is blank so she rips it open to find another post-it note.

This one reads, "It's only everything I know…"

Gwen sighs loudly, and then pulls out her phone, ignoring her own golden rule to not use her phone in crowded public areas.

"Hello..You not at school yet?" Morgana yawns as she takes another swig of black coffee.

"Morgs…I've been getting these notes…Since yesterday…Did Merlin..? Has Arthur said anything to you or Merlin about me..? Sorry, I know that sounds totally random but…"

Pause.

"Er…Gwen..? What notes? Arthur hasn't been here since last weekend when you were all here for El's thing – and he left not long after we all did a toast when Ellie and Leon told us their wonderful news about the baby. As for him talking to me about you, hah! Honey, that's about as likely as Brad and Ange finally getting married…or Jen and Justin for that matter..Or Lindsay Lohan actually being sober for more than five minutes. So sad, these Hollyweird folks-"

"Morgs! Focus! I've been getting post-it notes…Yesterday I found one on my door, then in my drawer at school..Then in my pigeonhole…Another one this morning on the door when I got back from my run, and now the ruddy bus driver stops me to give me another one before I just sat down!"

"Really? And you think…Are they from Mr. Me?! What do they say? Why is he writing stuff on post-it notes?"

"Yes..Well it's his handwriting..They seem to be lines from a song, or poem…about 'changes'..and reflection about 'always knowing everything but not really'…I recognize it..I think, but I can't remember where it's from at the moment…We used to write each other notes in..Ugh! But…why would he be doing this? I thought we discussed it clearly. Does he not understand basic English? Should I have written an email or an official memo too?!"

"Gwen calm down…Wow…Really?..I…Hmm.."

"Morgs..I rang you for some advice. Or something but, you're not even making complete sentences now! What should I do? Ring him and tell him to go away?"

"Uh…."

"Morgs!"

"Sorry, I'm still trying to process…Arthur Pendragon you may still have some tricks up your Gucci sleeves yet..."

"Morgana it sounds suspiciously like you are actually impressed with him!"

"Weeeell you have to hand it to him Gwennie, the boy certainly knows how to get your attention…"

"Well I don't want it! I want him to stop! And leave me alone. We agreed".

"Um Gwen...,"Morgana speaks tentatively and Gwen braces herself, knowing she won't like what she has to say.

"The way you explained it, it would seem you agreed. You never really gave Arthur a choice in the matter. And you just assumed he would go along with it."

"But I let him off the hook. So he can be the golden boy of his corporate, aristocratic world. No need to compromise with minions and consider other people when he can just get on with it. I get to be me and he gets to be him! It works out great…For everyone..", she tries to keep her voice down, but to her annoyance, she can feel her eyes filling up with tears, and angrily wipes them away.

"Gwennie…", Morgana's tone is softer now, "He hurt you, and you were right to put your foot down and tell him straight how you felt. And I agree with you; he had to work things out for himself, for sure before he could go interact with other people again, have relationships, whatever. But…putting that aside, I want you to think for a moment..What if…What if, after all that soul searching and time apart doing his own thing, he's realized that what he really wants is you? Are you honestly telling me that you would not, even for half a second consider that, and how you still feel about him?"

Silence.

"Gwen..? I am not saying you have to take him back today or just accept things, but what I am saying is, you are the most honest person I know and maybe it's time, in light of how things seem to be changing, what with these notes, that you come clean with yourself. That's all".

"Thanks Morgs…I'll…Yeah okay. Bye".

"Think about it. And have a great day. Love you".

She hangs up and leans back to ponder what her friend has just said. Shifting slightly to pull her bags back up her arms, she spots the sleazy looking middle aged guy sitting across from her in a one size too small business suit. He winks cheekily at her and she frowns slightly, wanting to turn away again. That's one of the things about public transport; it's a cesspit for weirdos.

"Sorry to hear about your man girlie…If he's not interested, I might be", he drawls to her in an equally seedy voice, gyrating back and forth slightly to demonstrate his intentions should she decide to take him up on his offer.

Fighting the urge to give him a piece of her mind, Gwen merely makes a disgusted noise and turns back to look out the windows. At least the sad feelings have been replaced by nausea.

This is why she doesn't do cell phone conversations in public areas.

"(but) it's only change…"This note is stuck to her classroom whiteboard when she walks in after a quick sandwich and cup of tea with Mrs. Riggs. Gwen hurries over to remove it and shoves it into her bag before the class comes in.

Two hours later she is back from an after work drink with her brother at the local pub and as she opens her mail box in her building foyer, she pulls out another plain white envelope. Inside is another note. This one reads, "And I'm only changing…".

In spite of everything she's feeling, she suddenly smiles. Only a little. Then she quickly pockets the note and goes upstairs. She has been fighting the urge all day to pick up her phone and call or text Arthur. Part of her wants to tell him off and the other half just wants to hear his voice.

Eventually, she gives into the dark side and dials.

Gwen's POV

Hells bells, I feel like I'm fifteen again and ringing Frederick Bennett's land line, trying not to freak out because all I can hear is the ringing and Morgana poking me in the back daring me on to talk to him! Ugh! Maybe he's there..Please be out. Please be-

"…Hello, I'm sorry I am unable to take your call right now. Please leave your contact details and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

Unlike the way most people sound different on the phone; his voice sounds exactly the same. Gwen smiles and bites her lip. Then remembers she's still on the phone and the message thingy has already beeped.

Mini panic mode sets in.

"Oh crap! I mean…Uh, Arthur…Hi..Its Gwen..Guinevere..Leodegrance..Um sorry to call but..Look..I just wanted to ask you something rather daft since it's probably not you..I mean why would you do it? You don't have time to..So have you been sending me post-it notes? Not in the mail but-"

"…End of message. Please call back later. Thank you", the automated female voice informs Gwen.

Gwen's POV

Shit! Shit! I didn't just leave all that as my message did I? Sigh…You're a mess girl. No! I meant to talk to him. I hate phones! And I hate voice mail more. Now he'll listen to that and think 'what a nutter'. Crap. Oh don't worry too much…He's probably out on a date with one of the Victoria's Secret Angels right now so I bet he won't hear it for another day or two…Gee thanks. That makes me feel so much better. Have a glass of red and eat some cheese. Why cheese? Why not. Yeah, good point…So..? Mmm? Is there more than an ounce of truth to what Morgs said? Maybe..Maybe's good. Look, I don't even know if he's the one sending the notes yet. Not 100% anyway. So find out..Yeah, I will…I guess, I can try calling him tomorrow morning..Not too early..Like after ten. Sheesh. What? Gwen, he's not the King of Camelot, you don't have to follow some sort of preordained chain of command. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. Okay. I will…Where's the Brie? Good girl.

A/N: Done! Short isn't it? Sorry folks. Originally wrote a super long chap and then decided to break it down into manageable chunks for reader friendly viewing. Next one up tomorrow since its Monday here - my least fave day of the week (mine and Garfield's) :) Thank you for reading and please drop me a line to let me know what you think will happen now, I love hearing people's thoughts. x Islandgem