07 Thoughts

When Laila asked what I wanted to do for my first day, I had already decided the night before at the bonfire: I needed to experience the lake under the sunlight.

When we stepped outside, my eyes strained from the brilliant luminance of the landscape. Though the light did not hurt my eyes, I had to seek shelter and began stumbling for the nearest shade tree.

Laila came to my side, laying her hand upon my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"The light seems so bright." I covered my eyes with one hand and peered through my fingers at the lake.

"The sunlight isn't actually brighter; our world is...cleaner, purer."

Once I comprehended Laila's words, I lowered my hand, for my brain seemed to accept the new environment. I inhaled deeply and thought that air to be more invigorating than the pine scented air of northern Minnesota. Gazing at the shade tree and its leaves, I could sense the difference in this land by how everything appeared newer, crisper. This made me want to see the lake even more as I stepped into the light—forcing myself to adjust, squinting with my hand cupped over my brow.

Reaching the water's edge, I lowered my hand and gazed with awe at the clarity of the water. Kneeling down, I place a hand into the lake to find it cool and soothing, as if purifying my skin.

Laila kneeled beside me. "Do you want to bathe?"

"Here?"

"Yes. We all bathe in the lake. I'll leave if you want privacy."

I sniffed my shirt. "Am I bad?"

"No." Laila casually gestured to the water. "You can also drink directly from the lake. The lake purifies itself, so you need not worry about our bathing."

I scooped up a handful of water and sipped it, finding the taste extremely satisfying. "Wow."

"Wow, indeed," repeated Laila, nearly breaking out in laughter

"Do you swim for fun in this lake?"

"Yes of course."

"Do you have winter? Do you ice skate on this lake?"

Laila shook her head. "We don't have seasons exactly. It's always summer around the lake."

"Oh." I began to think of Minnesota winters.

"We can visit the seasons if you like. We even have snow." Laila pointed to low mountains in the distance directly behind the house. "Since we come from Minnesota, I suspected that you'd miss the snow. It is a peaceful place to visit and doesn't take long to get there. We can also stop and visit some of our gardens along the way."

"Gardens?"

"Yes." Laila paused to splash her face with lake water, lifting her face to the sun as she stood. "Since we only eat fruits and nuts, we grow our own food in small gardens scattered about."

"No hamburgers?" I asked, rising to my feet.

"No." Laila whistled in the direction of the house.

"Cheese?"

"We have no cows. Farm animals have ever been brought here since we never had the need."

"How about goats for milk and cheese?"

"Nope."

Emerging from the shadows of the stables, the majestic white horse stepped in our direction.

I splashed my face again with water and stood. "Where do you get your clothes?"

"We steal them from the old world." Pausing to look at her own clothes, Laila shrugged as she lightly tugged on her shirt for presentation. "Well, we take most clothing for the fabric that we reuse in our own designs. Some like to use fabric for creative expression."

"I see. I take it that most of you are fans of the sixties."

"What are the sixties?"

"The nineteen sixties." When Laila's confused look failed to lift, I said, "It was a time in the old world when the clothing looked similar to what I see here."

"Oh." When the white horse stopped before Laila, she reached up and stroked the long nose. She gazed into the horse's eye and asked the creature, "My friend, would you mind taking us to the valley so we may experience the snow?"

The horse promptly bobbed its head.

"Thank you," said Laila. Without hesitation, she swung herself onto the horse's back with such ease that her body appeared to defy gravity.

When I offered Laila my hand, I was again surprised by her strength as she swung me up behind her. "If I stay here, will I become strong like you?"

"If you eat your fruits and nuts like a good boy." Laila lightly rubbed the horse's neck and the creature turned for the hills in the distance.

Midway, we stopped at a large strawberry patch where I met those tending the crop. Not only were the berries the most delicious I had ever sampled, but the beautiful rows of fruit left me in awe, for these gardeners had not formed straight lines; the rows swirled into beautiful patterns of living art.

I watched as one man whispered into the air, which in turn, caused all the swarming bees to take flight and hover overhead so that the man could untangle the plants for optimum growth. As he worked, many of the bees landed about his head and shoulders to wait patiently for the tending to be completed. Once done, the man sat back and watched the bees return to their pollinating.

After a hearty lunch of nuts and strawberries, we continued on our way. As we rode away from the impressive garden, I noticed movement at the base of a tree. A man and a woman had removed their clothes and were fornicating vigorously under the shade of the tree, in view of all those interested. As we rode past, I felt ashamed when the woman opened her eyes to catch me staring. She winked before cordially waving to me.

Laila peered over her shoulder and laughed at my reaction. "Don't stare too long or they may ask you to join in."

Snapping my head away, I could tell that my face had already begun to flush. "Um, what are they doing?"

"I'd say they're having a good time."

"I know that, but won't they get arrested?"

"By who?"

Still thinking old world, I huffed at my ignorance. "There is no law enforcement, is there?"

"Of course not."

"Open acts of love are not discouraged?"

"Love?"

I frowned. "Okay, open acts of pleasure."

"Certainly not. Even before Iktomi brought me to this world, I never understood you Europeans. You openly embrace violence, but shun sex. Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Where the Sioux this open, sexually?"

"No, but we were never as uptight as you lot. When I was still a child, the leader of my tribe took time to study the settlers and their morals. He said to us that he would not be surprised if they started walking backwards. The settler's tools were advanced, but their ideas were not."

Glancing back at the couple entertaining themselves, I smiled; however, a new thought came to mind. "Where are the children?"

"We are the children, you and me."

The words quickly registered with me. "Is this why some of you come to the old world?"

"Yes. Sometimes."

"So people here can grow old and die?"

Her smile fading, Laila glanced back at me. "Everyone dies, even our universe. We all complete the circle of life in our own way. That being said; we here do live much longer than most could imagine."

With a growing understanding of this world, I sat quietly behind my friend, contemplating the morning discoveries. Eventually the trail before us began to darken as a valley rose around us. Above, hovering clouds blocked out the sun as they shifted into different shapes, slowly swirling over the valley that we had entered. The air cooled as the landscape continued to change, the deciduous trees replaced by various pines. Ahead, the first signs of snow lay before us.

I inhaled the cool pine scent. "We must have had a long hot summer in Minnesota if I'm enjoying the cold this much."

With goose bumps forming on her arms, Laila glanced over her shoulder at me. "I can tell from your smile."

"Does the sun ever shine here?"

"Sometimes. The clouds that help cool this valley occasionally break for a few minutes before reforming."

As the horse exited a bend in the trail, a small log cabin atop a hill came into view. Appearing abandoned at first, a faint light from an oil lantern could be seen through a window as we neared. The door opened, and a tall, slender male with long blond hair exited. The man wore a simple grey cotton shirt and blue shorts.

He met us yards from the door and rubbed the horse's nose in greeting before looking up at us. "Laila, how nice to see you."

"Good to see you too, Silkie." She nodded in my direction and said, "This is Frederick."

"I'm new," I said.

Silkie chuckled. "I can tell."

From atop the horse, I stared down at the man's bare feet in the snow. "Aren't you cold?"

"No. It's quite refreshing."

Laila gestured me to slide off the horse, offering me her arm in assistance. "Frederick comes from the same lands as me. He likes winter."

"Ah, I see." Silkie wiggled his feet, letting the snow fill in between his toes. "Give it a try; you might like it."

I reached down and gathered a handful of snow. Initially, it felt like snow, but as the frozen substance melted in my hand, the water felt different, refreshing like the lake. I quickly pulled off my shoes and socks and stood in the white powder. The initial shock quickened my pulse, but my skin soon adjusted as the sensation turned pleasurable. Amazing, I thought. But how do they not get frostbite?

"We don't," said Silkie. "None of us have ever had frostbite."

I looked up at the man. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

Biting his lip, the man looked up briefly at Laila before shrugging his reply.

Smiling, Laila slid off the horse, waiting for me to figure it out.

You can hear my thoughts? I thought.

"Yes," she replied.

I turned to Silkie. Can I hear your thoughts?

"No," he replied. "It's a learned skill."

What if I don't want my thoughts known?

Laila stepped towards me, gauging my reaction. "Once you learn this, your thoughts will be private by default. Only certain people will be able to hear then, and only when you want them to."

"Like swimming," said Silkie. "It's a skill you learn that becomes natural."

I stared at the ground, for I found this latest discovering slightly unnerving. Can I stop thinking?

Laila giggled. "Don't worry. You may be an open book right now, but no one is intruding on purpose. No one here would do that."

Gazing off into the distance, my memories flashed before me as I recalled my introduction to the cat-eyed woman in the kitchen. I turned to Laila. Is that how that woman...Ekko knew that I...I found her attractive?

"Yes." Laila looked deep into my eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"

Yes. I hope neither you were offended last night. It was just random guy thoughts.

"We were not offended."

Good. Nervously, I wiggled my toes in the snow. What is it like to hear someone's thoughts?

Silkie pointed to his head. "They sound just like they normally would since you have their voice imprint in your memory. When you listen to a stranger, your brain makes a guess at what they might sound like until you actually hear their voice."

This is fascinating. I stared at the ground, listening for the thoughts from the other two.

Laila exchanged a look with Silkie. "Perhaps we shouldn't have shared this with him so soon."

Silkie simply shrugged. "He has clearly moved past denial. Perhaps he's a quick learner.

"He is."

Why can't I hear them?

Laila lightly tapped my shoulder. "Fredrick, you should use your voice. You won't start hearing other people's thoughts for a while."

I looked to her and smiled. I like this. I've never liked my voice...or speaking. Actual words feel weighed down when you are different like me.

"I know. That is what makes you, and your daughter, special."

Special? I'd rather be normal. I wish my daughter was normal.

Laila gave me a stern look. "We won't be listening for your thoughts anymore. If you want to communicate with us, you'll have to use your voice."

Having let my emotions get the best of me, I began to feel embarrassed. "Sorry," I said, inhaling the soothing, crisp air. Being Minnesotan, I then notice the lack of a chimney on the cabin. "No fireplace?"

"No," replied Silkie. "We don't succumb to the cold; besides, those of us that come here for snow and solitude, usually bring a friend."

I smiled at his comment. "It's not solitude if you bring a friend."

"It is for us," he retorted. "Don't get me wrong; I enjoy sharing a home with many, but sometimes..."

Noticeably, Laila stared intently at the cabin before asking, "Who did you come up here with?"

Silkie's smile stretched to his ears.

"Tara," said Laila, answering her own question. "You are a patient man; are you not."

The door to the cabin opened and a young woman exited. She immediately spotted us and approached, crossing her arms in front of her for warmth.

Noticing her simple shoes, and how she moved, I immediately thought this young woman to be different from the others.

As she stood next Silkie, her focus remained on me. "New arrival?"

"Yes. I'm Frederick."

"Tara."

"He arrived yesterday," said Laila, "He has ten days with us to decide."

"That will be one year in his time; correct?" asked Tara.

Laila looked at me for a moment before answering her friend. "Yes. That is what our star charts forecast."

Tara smiled. "So you are giving him a choice. Good. I told Hiero that we should always let them have a choice."

Noticing other slight differences in the young woman's mannerisms, I asked, "Are you new too?"

"Yes. Well, considering."

"Weren't you given a choice?"

Tara shrugged. "I was, but my friend was a bit more impulsive and didn't take into account the time I would lose when I went home. I lost twenty years."

"Twenty years? Jeez." I tucked my hands into my pockets. "What did your family thing?"

"It was hard for them. I hadn't aged, so they thought I had a genetic defect that altered my aging, or that I was a fraud."

"But you came back here. Why?"

"Had to." Tara took Silkie by the arm. "These people became my friends. No..." The woman paused and said with growing emotion, "They became my family. This world became my home."

Sensing the truth in her words, I smiled. "Can you hear thoughts?"

"Yes. I recently learned this skill." With a confused look, Tara turned to Laila.

"He's a fast learner," replied Laila

"I see." Tara shivered as she tucked her hands tighter under her arms. "It's starting to cool. Come; stay the night with us."

Not wanting to intrude, I shook my head. "That's okay; I think we're going to return to the lake."

Silkie's attention oddly remained on me. "You can sleep between us," he said. "We'll keep you warm."

Exhaling calmly, I shrugged awkwardly before replying, "Thanks again, but I want to keep exploring."

"I hope I didn't offend you?" asked Silkie. "I meant no harm."

"No harm. I'm just not into that."

Silkie's smile twisted as his tone remained playful. "Not yet anyway."

Laila gestured to the horse. "Maybe we should start heading back."

Feeling the bitter cold in my feet, I nodded and began donning my shoes, shoving my socks into my pockets. "Yes. I am getting cold."

"We should be home by dark." Laila swiftly swung herself upon the horse before pulling me up behind her. She then smiled warmly at her friends. "You two come visit us when you return."

Silkie wrapped his arm around Tara, who replied, "We will."

When the horse began to turn away, I could still feel the man's hungry stare, as if he expected to me to change my mind. As I forced a smile, I began to worry that my thoughts would be interpreted as insulting, so I futilely attempted to think of something else.

As we exited the valley of snow, Laila broke the silence. "Please don't take offense at Silkie's advances."

"I didn't. He's not the first man to flirt with me.

"Have you ever had a relationship with a man?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite. I'd think I'd remember if I did." Aimlessly staring into the forest, I sighed. "I'd probably be less depressed if I were attracted to men. They have easily shown more interest in me than women. I don't know why." After some silence, a nagging thought needed to be brought forth. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Before we met on the hospital rooftop, did you ever listen to my thoughts?"

After a long pause, Laila answered, "Yes."

"When? Where?" When she failed to answer, I peered over her shoulder. "Mary, I'm glad you heard my thoughts. We would not have become friends had you not listened and stopped me."

Turning her head in my direction, she said, "You called me Mary."

"You let me choose didn't you? You saved my life, you've become a trusted friend, and until I learn your real name, you will be my Mary."

With a faint smile, Mary looked forward and began telling her story. "I listened to your thoughts the weekend before we first spoke. I was lurking in the woods, hoping that you would be mountain biking, as you normally would on the weekend. I had been visiting Minnesota for a couple months at that point and often spotted you. When you rode by that weekend, I immediately knew that something was wrong."

"I don't recall thinking about jumping off the roof. How did you know?"

"When I saw you, you weren't smiling. You always smile in the forest. And when I heard your thoughts, they were dark. You may not remember, but they were."

With growing confidence that I would not fall off the horse, I sat back in reflection. "Were they dark?"

"Yes. Since you wear your emotions, I made it easier to read you. I had ventured twice into the city, and you never once smiled when I observed you."

"There is nothing worth smiling about in the city."

"That's why I had planned to make first contact with you in the forest. However, you were clearly distressed that weekend, so I followed you down to the reservoir dam where you like to cool off and think. This is when I listened to your thoughts, and I knew I should stay close."

As we gently bobbed together atop the horse, I found myself wanting to slide my arms around Mary's waist, but I held back, for I assumed my embrace would be rejected like my kisses. Wondering if she was currently reading my thoughts, I began thinking more open, thinking aloud. "Why didn't you approach me sooner, before my depression?"

"I wanted to, but the universe had other plans. You were much younger the first time I spotted you biking through the woods. This was during my first trip back after I had assimilated to this world. I had been in Minnesota for almost two years, coming to terms with my anger, observing the changes, trying to find my distant relations. Though our encounter was brief and only known to me, I nonetheless became intrigued by you and your passion for the forest. When I returned months later for my second visit, years had passed in your world, and you were now happily married. So, I kept my distance."

"How can you keep track of time between our worlds?"

"It's not hard. Think of a spinning wheel. The inside is moving at what appears to be a slower speed than the edge, but they complete the circle in the same amount of time."

"But they are moving at the same speed; it's the distance traveled that's different."

"Correct. The distance here converts into time, so our visits are much longer in the old world compared to our brief absences from this one. It was during my third visit—this last one—that I noticed the absence of your wedding ring. From what I learned from your thoughts that day, your separation was recent. You needed to mourn your marriage before I could approach you, so I decided to stay in Minnesota, lingering being less of a consequence for me. I also used this time to bring Hiero to Minnesota to see what he thought. I had never invited anyone to our world and wanted to be certain. He said you were a sound choice and would make a good addition to our family."

"My daughter," I said. "You didn't know about her until I told you."

"This is true."

"You had to have heard me thinking about her. Didn't you?"

"No," replied Mary. "I only intrude a person's thoughts when necessary. Plus, it isn't all that easy to do. One needs to be relatively close. The little I skimmed from your thoughts was never about your daughter."

I began to gnaw my lip, thinking of my trips to the forest.

"You bike in Tamarac to get away from the city and relax; don't you? Being a parent is taxing, and being a parent of a child with a severe speech delay must be difficult."

"Yes, it was. It is."

"Well, the woods were your sanctuary. It allowed you to clear you thoughts and become one with nature. I'm not surprised that I missed learning about your daughter."

"You observed me off and on over two decades," I said, my confusion apparent. "But for you it was only..."

"I was only absent from this land for a few months, but in your world, I spent a couple years traveling and learning." Sensing my frustration, Mary patted my leg in support. "Confusing, I know." After a notable pause that allowed me to sort my thoughts, she continued, "After receiving Hiero's encouragement, I simply had to wait for the right time when the door between our worlds would open. The gateway had to open twice in close succession so that you would have opportunity to decide."

"Can't I go home at any time?"

"No. With the way time behaves between our worlds, for the one day the door is open here, the door remains open on your side for a little over a month."

"Enough time for the bluebells to bloom."

"Yes," said Mary.

As we continued towards the lake, my thoughts drifted to my family. "Too bad you didn't approach me before my marriage. It would have saved—"

"Don't," said Mary. "Your daughter is wonderful. The world is lucky to have her in it. I won't have you thinking any other way."

"Okay." I inhaled deeply, drawing out my breath. "I just hope she's happy."

"Does her mother love and care for her?"

"Yes," I replied. "Greatly."

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

"You may be right." And for the remainder of the ride, I could do nothing more but think of my daughter, and hope.