Heart On My Sleeve (Mary Lambert)
They had left promptly after the interruption. Hikari looked out into the storm." Will you be alright to drive in this?" She shook a little from the heat-depraving bullets raining down above them, and zipped up Amane's jacket.
"I've been through worse. Just hang on tight, okay?" Amane offered her hand to help her up, to which Hikari took with a fumbling grace, and at once, they left.
Amane rode slowly in the rain, trying to stay focused on the blurring rode ahead. Hikari, now behind her again on the motorcycle, held on tightly around the bluenette's waist. Even though the jacket and the rain had taken most of it off, the younger girl noticed some of Star Bright's white hair on her companion's shirt, some of them still blowing away in the rushing wind and pouring rain. She rested her head against Amane's back, closing her eyes and felt her breathing, relaxing as the bike rode on and on.
Amane felt it all, the tensing of her arms, the closeness of where she sat, where she rested her head against her like a child. She intensified every movement in her mind without perceiving the smallness of her gestures; it was a surreal feeling to have anyone that close to her for that just a few last turns, the Rider flew smoothly past the gates, gliding past the fence with a single sign stating 'Tokutaro Apartments'. Amane then felt Hikari raise her head when she slowed the bike down. Hikari watched as they passed by a few three story buildings, painted with blues and greens with tan roofs. Amane parked her motorcycle in front of one of the pale blue buildings, next to a lone tree, whose branches swung in the heavy, icy wind, protecting the motorcycle from the elements above it. Hikari started shivering, despite the warmth that had come from Amane's jacket. The older girl looked behind her to help Hikari off the bike, and saw her shake a little, with her arms crossed snugly against her flat stomach. Amane zipped up the jacket, as it had come halfway undone on the long drive there. She got her off the bike, but left her arms around her shoulders in an attempt to keep her warm, trying desperately to ignore the intense closeness of their bodies.
Amane led them up the stairs to the second floor, stopping at a door marked 243 and reached into her pocket for her keys. She grabbed the third, and last, one on the ring, and unlocked the door. She opened it into the apartment, allowing Hikari to go in first, and then came in herself to turn on the lights. When they came on, Hikari's expression looked star struck.
What abundance of personality decorated the small apartment! Hikari's eyes scanned the room slowly, trying to take in every picture and piece of furniture around. The couches were simple but homely looking, and a older television displaying a model of an elfish, green-clad boy jumping a fence with a sword in hand. White walls were strewn with pictures of Amane and Star Bright, particularly the just the white stallion, in a variety of places- some at the track, one photograph from the park field, and two or three from what Hikari guessed to be the famous school, Spica. Hikari had almost gone there, but Jack had 'convinced' her mother she go to the school just barely within reasonable walking distance. She didn't complain, because that would mean she would be going to school again with Yaya, and later Tsubomi-chan and they could all sing in the school choir together. She had wondered though what her high school years would've been like, at a school where education was more highly valued than the social lives of it's attending athletes and public figures. By the look of it from the photographs, it looked breath-taking and beautiful, and so huge that no matter at which angle the photo was taken from it showed up somewhere in the background. The young girl considered once again what it would've been like there, this time knowing that the even-then renowned Ootori-sama attended. It was still unlikely to Hikari to believe she would've had the chance to know her than. It was merely coincidence they had met at all; surely she would've been too busy during her school years to have noticed her anyway.
She walked deeper into the apartment, and out of the corner of her eye she saw something even more spectacular. There on the back wall facing from the small cut away that served as a kitchen hung a painting of a pinto, reared up on its hind legs, and mirroring it was undoubtedly Star Bright, their reflections glimmering in a pond in the moonlight, out in an open field. It was by far more beautiful than any other picture, but upon Hikari's closer examination, it wasn't actually a photograph! Amane placed her hand on Hikari's shoulder from behind her, looking down at her, then back to the picture.
"That's the Beau Knight, just as fine a horse as Star Bright if you ask me. This was done by some of the folks at Lulim. They were all too eager, something bout a new club." She smiled again, shaking her head.
"There are two copies; the other is with his owner," Amane explained, looking at the pinto. "Beau belongs to...well, someone I used to know. She's only someone I race against now and then. I guess she finally found something worth her time."
Amane had spoken bitterly, and looked down from the picture, gazing at the palms of her hands. When she spoke again, it was softer and closer to her normal clam tone. "She used to be a good friend of mine... Do you remember seeing a Kenjo-san participate in the last race right? Kaname... I'm not sure exactly what happened, but she changed during her senior year at Spica. She lost a lot of herself in the wake of..." She paused again. "Wait here"
Amane left for her room and reemerged a few minutes later. She sat on the small dark blue couch and motioned for Hikari to sit down next to her. Hikari saw in her hands a framed photograph of two blue-haired girls, one with a darker color and slimmer, slicked style. She guessed this was Kaname-san. She had a darker look in her eye, and her smile just didn't seem as warm as Amane's. Their arms were around each others shoulders regardless, and Hikari thought they almost looked like angels- so similar, but one definitely for an honest and strong good; another designed for sinister and mischievous evil. Each of their free hands held a side of a golden trophy adorned with a pair of horses of the top.
"This was a regional tournament we won in our junior year together. The best pair of racers from schools region-wide came competing in three separate races. One together, and one alone for each. Miator's pair was tough- in each race they were so close to beating us. Kaname was swearing when she landed in the same singles race as Rykujo. It was interesting seeing Tamao there, she never struck me as a horse rider; she was known for her work on the school's paper. She had to be no more than a sophomore at the time, but she was regarded as the best around. Rumor was that she and Rykujo became inseparable during their work together, and Tamao offered to fill in for one of the Hanazono clan . She probably still attends Miator, now that I think on it," Amane smiled as she reminisced. "Anyway, she did wonderfully, and they averaged both of our paired times, making Spica first, by hardly four seconds. The tournament was right near the end of the year, so naturally it would be a highlight for our record that year. Kaname invited this girl called Momomi, probably to impress her. She took her out to dinner somewhere that night, while I hung out with the two riders from Miator. We caught up on how things had gone since Rykujo and I had last gone to school together. Kaname came back to the bus for the ride home with Momomi and didn't really seem to notice me. It was the last day she ever really talked to me. It was like something changed in her. I miss her sometimes, and it pains me knowing it probably had nothing to do with either of us. She was the only true friend I had in school... Every one else was only looking for a bit of glory. But Kaname... I guess that's what love does." Amane's eyes grew bluer, and had to close them for a moment. Seeing the pain she was in, Hikari turned to hug her, and they sat embraced into each other for the longest time. Amane stilled her breathing with the thunder in her chest; the rush of emotion colliding haphazardly between what she'd lost and what she hoped she'd found. She wanted Hikari to look up at her, she wanted her to read her face and eyes and tell her what could possibly be seen jumping and bouncing inside at that moment. What could have possibly been driving her to Hikari in her pain, though she had no connection to it.
Amane wanted to kiss her so badly in that moment it was killing her.
And then she pulled back., disturbed by the carnal coveting. Amane looked away, it wasn't right for her to be so adamant in her desire for a girl she felt she barely knew. She knew she could have just reached out to do it, but what would the consequences have been? Why has such a heart-wrenching moment of her life have her compelled towards these animalistic needs? Hikari was young, and seemingly more vulnerable than Amane was when it came to the memories of Kaname. Why would her reaction be to press herself upon the girl who'd been the first true friend she'd made in a long, long time? And why was it that of all people, of every person she never had feelings for that pressed their advances anyway, had she chosen the one person who didn't come onto her like a starved dog outside a deli dumpster? Could it have been because of Hikari's genuine desire to be with Amane the person instead of Amane the famous jockey that she felt this intense sentiment growing? Or was she wrongly interpreting the gratefulness she should have been feeling? The Rider hadn't the slightest idea how to tell her how she felt, or why those feelings were there, but she did know she needed to make up an excuse very quickly for why she was acting the way she was.
"Er... Gonome, but uh... I have to take a shower. I wouldn't want you to have to go to some fancy dinner with me all sweaty." Amane explained, giving her a good reason to shrug off the sudden jerk away. If she smelled bad, it was understandable she wouldn't want to be close to someone, yes? "If you want, you can go set your bag in my 's right across the hall from the bathroom."
Hikari released the tension she'd been holding in her shoulders, wondering if what she saw in Amane's captivating brown orbs were what caused her to pull away so suddenly. And just as she started to believe in something beautiful happening... "Is it alright if I changed in there?
"Not a problem," Amane answered. She felt her heart pound suddenly when her eyes looked to Hikari's shirt. She'd seen a white bra strap poking out from her thin tank's strap, nothing she hadn't seen in locker rooms, for far less modest sights could obviously have been seen there. Yet she struggled to extinguish the unexpected flame of desire. She quickly excused herself and left for the bathroom after retrieving an outfit from her bedroom. Just as she gulped down the last wisp of her lust, the heat of the falling water raised to her mind the image of Hikari getting undressed in her room. Just a few feet from her. Just as she saw more in her mind than her shirt falling to the floor...
Amane knew in her heart that Hikari meant much more to her than she was ready to admit, but what extent was understandable? Amane was still unaccustomed to desire, attraction, and the eluding idea of love and... Well, love-making. She had never felt such heavily stirred emotions before for anyone but the little blonde girl, and only now was she understanding what all lay in those feelings. But why so strong? And why so seemingly vulgar? She never felt like she'd repressed herself; there was no desire for anyone, therefore it had never been a subject in her life. Knowing better than to keep her mind eager to explore, she turned the temperature of the shower way, way down and pressed her thoughts to other matters for the evening.
I wonder why Amane moved into an apartment instead of another house. Hikari thought for a second. Probably because it would be harder sneaking into an apartment complex than just a house. She laughed seeing several Dean's List amongst a High School Diploma from Spica, somewhat stacked unordered underneath her TV stand in a small box. She giggled; So she was a bit of a book worm then? That's adorable!She walked down the small hallway, where one door was shut, presumably the bathroom. She heard water running and saw light coming from under the door. She turned around, walking into the room with an open door, and blushed, realizing that this was THE Amane Ootori's room, which just happened to be a handful of feet away from her, naked in the shower. She blushed twice as hard, trying desperately to get the image of her long,wet body away from her mind. Oh goodness, what am I doing? That's completely out of line! Amane-sama isn't some sex symbol! Yet, she could no longer deny that she was attracted to the older girl.
She turned the light on, and stacks of books and CDs made themselves known to her. Hikari closed the door behind her, setting her green bag onto a small blue and black blanket lying neatly on a one-person sized bed. Hikari slowly glided over to the closet, curiosity overwhelming her. Inside were plenty of pairs of dark blue, grey and black colored jeans, paired on the other side with an array of tee shirts, intermingled with a few dress shirts, mostly blacks and blue and reds. On top of a dresser she saw yet another photograph, this time with a very young Amane, hugging a pony-sized Star Bright outside a stable. A man stood next to the pair, grinning, with laughter in his eyes. He shared the same bluish hair as Amane, same athletic build, same warm, chocolate brown eyes. He didn't look as high-and-mighty as she had pictured him from the story about Star Bright; instead he looked proud, happy for his child. Maybe he truly was happy for Amane, seeing his daughter grow and rise above expectation. After all, he could only be the tomboy's father. Hikari smiled, seeing where Amane had gotten her handsome, princely looks from.
She turned back to her almost forgotten bag on the bed, and pulled out the dress and sandals, which had magically survived the rain completely dry. She quickly undressed, pulling the yellow garment over her head and down her body, smoothing it out until she was pleased with her appearance. She fussed over her hair, hoping it would arrange itself decently without too much work, and left it alone after a few minutes. Strapping on the backs of her sandals, she walked back out to the living room to wait for Amane. She heard the water turn off and the shower curtain pull back, feeling a her heart first stop in her chest, then twist, and finally pound its way up her throat in nervousness. The blonde curled loose strands of hair that had fallen to the side of her face between her fingers while she waited, and when the door opened Hikari gasped.
She couldn't believe how stunning Amane looked. It was just too good to be true that she would be going on a date with this unbelievably handsome girl. She emerged from the hallway wearing a black button-down shirt with a white collar and a thin, dark blue vest. She wore long fitted pants and her racing boots, her comfort in them appealing in an odd way. Amane's blue hair swept carefully across her eye, making her look like the high school sports star that every girl wanted to get with. She walked to the couch, but stopped to say with a soft, "Hikari, you look...breathtaking."
Hikari blushed a small pink, realizing she was going to get a lot of practice controlling her reactions. "Thank you, but... um... Well you look handsome yourself."
Amane looked surprised. "Really? That's a new one."
"Honestly Amane, you do. You look fantastic." Hikari tried to hide her embarrassment. Did she really call another girl handsome out loud? "It's just... Everything about you is striking, and strong, and... Um..."
She faltered, looking away. Amane smiled, then smirked, and sat down next to her. Hikari looked up and they faced each other, not noticing the two birds which Amane had watched the last few nights flying off together in the descending sun. Unconsciously, the blue-haired tomboy once again leaned in close to Hikari, who in turn was doing the same.
If I only knew what she was thinking, they both thought.
Amane, knowing if she wanted this to happen, she would have to make the move. She wouldn't let years of training herself to keep suitors away interfere with her undoubtedly growing feelings for Hikari. Unsure still, she reached her hand out to Hikari's and continued looking in her unwavering blue eyes.
Hikari leaned in closer yet, their faces now but inches apart. That same rush of excitement and fear collided like clashing soldiers; a battle for action rising through their throats. The dominance between them uncertain, the pair both opened their mouths to speak, but nothing came from either of the girls. Instead, they looked at each other, and Amane ignored the uprising fear as best as she could, and grabbed a firm hold of her courage.
"Hikari," she struggled.
"Hai, Amane-senpai?"
Amane struggled with her words, something that had never befallen her before. Calling her senpai again had made it so much harder; it reminded her of both of their inexperience and difficulties with this concept of love, and it resurfaced Amane's fear of abusing this new friendship. Was it possible to keep it this way? Without thinking, just reacting, she slowly leveled her other hand to Hikari's soft cheek, cherishing the warm flesh beneath her palm. She exhaled one last time.
But she stopped herself, removed her hand and kissed one of Hikari's own, and asked lamely, "So, you uh...you ready to go?"
Hikari laughed nervously, unsure of what just happened, but more than willing to go with it. She nodded at Amane, and they both tucked a strand of hair behind their ears that had become misplaced in the intensity. Both of them blushing hard, Hikari nodded, and Amane stood them both up and offered her hand. Hikari took it smiling, and Amane held it tight as they walked out the door.