The first few months had been easy enough. The secret glances and occasional stolen kisses were a thrill. With Burk and Frankie around, they could eat meals together without arousing any suspicion.
And now, with the mission complete Kara couldn't help but be even more excited to be able to pick up where she and Danny had left off. Being underway always felt like she was pausing her life a "to be continued" the second they left their homeport that would only resume upon her return. A perfectly manageable existence under normal circumstances because all that reminded her of home and normal life was confined to her pictures inside her locker. Under these new circumstances, with the reminder of her normal life walking around the passageways, sitting laughing in the officers lounge and just generally taunting her with reminders of heated nights full of passion back in Virginia, she was going insane waiting for the patrol to end. Even Granderson began to notice she was off.
"Is something bothering you, Kara? You have been extremely fidgety lately."
"Yeah, sure. Just the cold I guess. I am dying to get back to the warmth. And its weird not being able to even email my mom. I haven't been able to ask her what the harvest was like this year."
"Yeah, tell me about it. I keep imagining what Sarah must be doing right now. She promised to come to Virginia when we returned but four months is a long time without any contact."
"I am sure she hasn't forgotten about you. When we all went out that one time, she couldn't keep her eyes off of you. That is not the sort of thing you just forget with a little distance."
Granderson laughed. "Hopefully you are right"
"I am, just you wait and see…she is probably picking out engagement rings as we speak."
They both laughed. She and Granderson were always able to forget the stress of underway life tucked into their room. They had been stationed together for several years and had built that sort of friendship that felt more like family. Kara was glad for the distraction. The only thing waiting for her outside this room was the stress of work and the distraction of Danny and the fierce cold of the arctic—nothing pleasant.
Everything before this moment had been easy compared to the self-control she had to muster at this moment standing at attention during Frankie's funeral. She had tried to find Danny as soon as he had returned but he was nowhere to be found and she couldn't do that much without arousing suspicions that late at night. As soon as she heard the announcement the next day over the 1MC about the funeral she knew she had to be there and rushed back to her room to get into her dress uniform. Hopefully, she would see him after.
Kara was used to standing at attention for long periods of time looking straight ahead not moving an inch despite any distractions that may present themselves. She strained to catch a peripheral glimpse of him until she finally just turned her head. If this had not been a funeral you would not have known he just lost his best friend. Not even a hint of emotion was displayed in his stance or expression—the perfect example of military stoicism.
After the ceremony was over, she found him standing among a few of the other SEALs holding the flag as he had received it from the captain. She approached him with purpose:
"Dan…"
She had been so focused on finding him that she had put no thought into what she was going to say and suddenly became hyper-aware that they were surrounded by half a dozen of his men.
"Lieutenant Green, I'm…"
His normally playful eyes had a dead look about them that nearly broke her heart. All she wanted to do in that moment was to hold him. She reached out towards his hand stopping herself only a few inches away. Making a fist she returned it to her side.
"I am sorry for your loss."
At a loss for what to do next, Kara lingered beyond what could be considered appropriate but she couldn't bring herself to break eye contact. She was trying to do everything in her power to offer some sort of comfort. Suddenly, Burk was at her side and began stumbling through words of condolence. With a small nod at Danny's sidelong glance, Kara took a step back and turned to walk away. Just before she reached the door she turned catching him watching her. Danny gave her an almost indiscernible nod as if to say "thank you." She would find him later though there was not much to say. She had no idea whether her mother was alive and Danny wasn't one of the names she had heard that had gotten in touch with family so his was probably gone too.
At night she and Granderson would just lay in their bunks, both awake, neither having anything to say. She knew that Sarah hadn't answered her phone so she considered herself lucky at least that Danny was aboard the ship. At the very least she had that.
When she heard the announcement that they were approaching land, she made her way towards the bow. She wanted to see for herself.
After her eyes adjusted to the sunlight she saw Danny standing at the rail. This was the first time since the funeral she had seen him and approached slowly. Her hand was on the lifeline so close to his that she could feel the warmth radiating off of it though she dared not touch him. After a moment, he placed his hand over hers interlacing their fingers. Under normal circumstances this public display of affection would have caused her to panic and pull back but these were certainly not normal circumstances.
"I don't know what we are going home too…"
Danny just looked at her. There was nothing to say. The uncertainty of their current situation was overwhelming at best. The only thing staving off a collective anxious breakdown on the part of the crew was the familiarity of standing watch, of their duties and their commitment to the mission.
The sound of the captain's voice over the 1MC almost caused her to jump. They were not going home. She was almost relieved, dreading what they would find there. Kara looked back towards Danny and gave his hand a quick squeeze.
"I have to get back to CIC"
"I'll see you later"
"Ok"
"Ok"
She finally pulled herself away from his piercing, longing gaze and hurried back to CIC. She would find him later, with Frankie gone he had the room to himself and she was resolved to sneak in there to check on him.
