There is an author's note I'm going to leave in the next chapter for each and every one of the stories I'm working on. Here it is for this story, if you think that is nothing but self- pitying and attention seeking, then feel free to do so. But I need to get it out and let you know how much I appreciate you.
When I am looking back, ten years from now, I don't think I'm gonna be able to say that the end of summer 2013 and the next six months forward were easy, I'm not gonna be able to say it was all a good time right then because it simply wasn't. Things got harsh and as soon as I had gotten just a little bit of control something new happened and knocked me right back to the bottom.
I really have no idea how many times since then I've felt worthless, miserable and just as if I wasn't good for anything or anyone. But the thing was- even when things were at their very hardest I always knew that here on fanfiction- I would always be enough. And that has really meant a lot to me these last months.
But getting better wouldn't have been possible without each and every one of my wonderful readers, so to you- yeah, you who are reading this. Thank you, because there is no way I could have fought through things and gotten better without you.
"Addy is actually a combination of two words… A and D stands for ADHD, D and Y for Dyslexia." I said. I had to really control myself not to say it all in one word and say it slowly. Afterwards I spent a moment looking to my hands as if they were suddenly really interesting and no one said a word until Alice spoke up.
"So you have ADHD and Dyslexia?" She asked, I nodded, then sighed and looked back to my hands.
I had been thirteen when I was diagnosed, my life at home already then was what it…. What it was but some of my teachers had noticed I read really slowly, had a terrible handwriting and couldn't concentrate well. I had always liked moving around with dancing, skating, climbing trees, running- you name it, but people didn't really get either how much I had to put an effort into keeping still.
When I was younger I had during lessons, like every time I really couldn't keep still anymore got up and across the classroom to sharpen my pencil, went to the bathroom, gotten something in my locker in the hallway but as I got older I could sit for longer and longer amount of time without getting up to move around, maybe that was why no one had noticed I had also trouble with that.
I couldn't get either of my parents to come with me to those appointments, I came with excuses all the time, they were out of town, at work. At last I had managed to talk that psychologist into checking if there was something even though my parents wouldn't come to the appointments.
After a month or two I was diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia. The psychologist had given up trying to reach my parents and just sent a letter home to us with the results, and I had managed to take it and open it before dad found out.
I had told mum about it, not really meaning to tell dad, but he heard me from the other side of the door when I told mum, and that day he had beat me up so much I expected never to wake up again if he knocked me unconscious. During this he was mumbling about how worthless and retard I was.
That was when I had decided not to let anyone know. If what would happen when people knew was that they were going to treat me even worse than what they had before. I'd keep it a secret and just try to work at my problems myself.
The school psychologist had started talking about some sort of meds for ADHD, that would calm down so I wouldn't be as hyper, yet make me wake up so I wouldn't be as tired, also make it easier to keep still and concentrate. But the meds did have some very strong substances in them, and we all knew my dad wouldn't give his permission for them.
"I'm sorry I need to go." I stood up and half ran to my room, I wasn't sure if I wanted someone to come after me or not. I sat down on the bed and pushed myself up so I could lean against the wall. I looked around, the walls where just as white as they had been when I first came here. For a split second I started wondering about if they had forgotten that they had given me for my birthday to get to paint or wallpaper my room.
I shook the thought off, with everything else that had been going on I would guess that it hadn't exactly been top priority. I looked around again and spotted the hoodie, beanie and sweat pants Emmett had given me, on the desk laid the card for the dance halls. I hesitated at first, then stood up, changed into the clothes from Emmett, took my old converse to dance in and hung them over one shoulder, then the card for the dancing halls and walked out to the living room again.
Now there was only Emmett and Jasper sitting there playing video games and I just passed them and walked upstairs, when I stood and pulled my jacket on suddenly Carlisle came up, and I knew instantly at first, he wouldn't let me, and second, there was no way I would lie to him.
"Where are you going Jamie?" He asked, I stood up, brainstormed for a lie, but knew already before that that I couldn't lie to him so I told him I was going to the dancing hall. "I think you'll have to wait yet a while before you can go there again." I asked him why, even though I kind of knew already, Carlisle laid a hand on my back and started leading me towards the living room again while he explained to me that training right after being ill could damage your heart.
So then I laid there again, on my bed, with my hands under my head and stared up in the ceiling, I knew I had to do homework but I just couldn't force myself into picking up the books and continuing. At last I picked up my English notebook from my bag and started with the homework. It was boring, but at last a couple of hours later it was finished and I could put it down in my bag to hand it to Mr. Trey in the morning.
I decided to save the rest of the homework for later, I'd probably have to pay for that when I had all homework left until in the last minute, but at least I had done one of the things tonight-the one I had most problems with on top of it all.
The next day- Tuesday, was February the sixth. I was walking through the hallways at school as usual, when I felt someone grab me, it wasn't Kiana this time but a couple of the bullies from the football team, they pulled me into a stall in the boys' bathroom, then locked the door and one of them stood so he blocked it so I wouldn't be able to get out.
"I do believe you still owe me something." Bruce Yang held me up towards the wall a few decimeters over the floor while he fizzled, spitting in my face. I shook my head, I really had no idea what he meant. "Oh yeah- but I'll be nice to you this time. You made me seem like a fool in front of the whole team, now I think it's you who look like you're a little muddy here and there, maybe I should help you and wash it off… my lady…" He opened the toilet lid and I knew what was coming- I hate to say this wasn't the first time I was dipped in the toilet, yet I was trying to kick so Bruce would let go off me.
Bruce held me so I had my whole head under the water, I had closed my eyes and mouth but couldn't let go off the thought of exactly how disgusting this was, but- if Bruce dropped me I would go head first even deeper in the toilet so there wasn't much to do at this point than to wait until Bruce would lift me up, or come up with a better plan then to kick until Bruce dropped me.
When Bruce flushed the toilet and freezing cold water started flushing around my head at the same time as it was getting hard to hold my breath, I managed to lift myself up enough to take a breath and then Bruce dropped me to the floor.
"Remember Dylan." Bruce kneeled down and looked me into the eyes. "If I don't get what you owe me soon, it will only get worse." Bruce left the stall and I heard him and Walter- his friend leave the room during laughing and high- fives.
Freezing cold water was dropping from my hair, which was soaking and I was all wet, but I knew I'd have to get out of here before anyone came in, so I ran out of the boys' bathroom and then just next doors into the girls' where I leaned over the sink and watched myself in the mirror.
My hair was still soaking wet, and I quickly took loads of soap in my hands and washed my face, then again, and again, and again, and again. After about fifteen times I lifted up the neck of my T- shirt and dried of my face, then leaned over the sink and twisted my hair to get out as much water as possible.
After brushing through my hair with my fingers a few times I walked out of the bathroom and ran towards the religion- studies- classroom that I was already fifteen minutes late for. Well- that was before I met Emmett in the hallway.
"Hi J… why are you wet?" I brainstormed for an excuse of why I was so wet- turned out I didn't have to because we were right outside Mr. Peters' classroom and he came out to get something and without a word he gestured for me to go into the classroom, I quietly half- ran past him, then sat down by a desk in the middle of the classroom.
The rest of the day I was just trying to keep away from the bullies, all until I stood by the bulletin board in the end of the day, there was a paper about a skating- competition in the middle of March. It was open for anyone to compete. But it did cost 15 dollars to be a part of. I hesitated, then slowly grabbed the pencil that hung in the paper and heard Kiana's voice behind me.
"Seriously Dylan, you don't think you're good enough to compete do you?" Kiana pushed me out of the way and signed her name, afterwards Cynthia did too, and then Kiana looked to me. "What are you still standing here for? I told you, you're not good enough." I didn't even hesitate, I pushed Kiana out of the way and signed my name on the list before she had the time to react.
I heard Kiana and her whole gang laugh at me from behind while I walked towards the door, but well, I was gonna show her I was a Dylan, and mark my words when I say that nobody messes with a Dylan.
So that's it… did you have any guesses of what Addy was before this chapter and what did you think of that?
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew… sorry but that idea with Bruce popped up in my head while writing and it just didn't want to leave me alone.