Hello : ) This is Linnéa asking for your attention for the little while, maybe the few minutes it would take for you to read through this message. And she… wait why am I talking about myself in third person? Well, let's start over again.

Hello : ) I just wanted to take the opportunity to, tell you how much each and every one of you mean to me. This is kind of random so if you think it's nothing else than nagging for attention you're probably right! Well… onto what I was actually going to say to you.

Well, if we have been chatting much the last few months then you might know that right now I am facing some major changes. And I'm not going to lie, I have been feeling… like everything I have done earlier is just going to waste and that this will never go well… but that feeling have started to fade more and more, and right now I can usually shrug and have a feeling that "it will be alright"

Last week I got a couple of really good news and well… I know that other people- not least my friends on here have helped me to get so to the point I'm going to be able to do this so to the point that I just feel that things are going to be alright in the end- no matter how! So I just wanted to say thank you.

I wanted to thank you for being my friend, or for believing in me- because even if it maybe from time to time was only a "great chapter" a bit here and there or a couple of messages every once in a while or whatever it was- it was too much for me to explain in a simple message with written words.

So if you were there for me, and believed in me then thank you. There is no way I could have been where I am today without you. So thank you yet again, you've meant so much more than I could ever say.

And if there is something I have gotten wrong and in fact you weren't my friend or didn't believe in me. Then I think that the news I have gotten the past few days will give me the right to say…

…in your face!

-Linnéa

I'm sorry for not updating. I thought I would get it up sooner since I knew a part of it and had the start of it planned. But well… we all saw where that go me. Anyways, here is the new chapter

And oh yeah, there's a new cover. The girl in the cover is the celebrity look alike for Jamie- so I guess we can say it's Jamie- or well- her real name is Annalise Basso.

"You're NOT my mum"

And I hated myself for saying that. Oh how I hated myself when I saw the hurt look in Esme's eyes with the whole big house seemed to have gone still and silent with just those four and a half words. "Esme I'm so…" before I had finished the sentence Esme was gone in the blink of an eye and I heard the door to hers and Carlisle's bedroom close and Carlisle walked after her- with giving me a look that… well I guess I deserved it!

"That… was… so… low!" Emmett said with taking pauses in between every word to really let me know how cruel I had been. As if it wasn't enough with that everyone sitting around the living room. Emmett and Jasper sat in the sofa looking back at me, Alice in an arm chair with some papers, Rosalie by the table, and Edward, Bella and Nessie in the stairs- and everyone were looking at me with dark eyes.

"I tried to say I was sorry." It was such a lame excuse, but I didn't have anything else for now, as I turned around and walked through the hallway and into my room at the end of it. I didn't even feel like I deserved having my room- or anything else from the Cullen's right now- but what could I do?

I slumped down on my bed and grabbed my phone putting up Google. I had one idea- and if I didn't find anything to work with it I was so dead! Although… maybe! I googled for "Poem sorry mum" because there was so much I hadn't freaking realized until now.

Esme might not have been my mum… but damn well she was the best mum I had ever had! Or well… the closest thing to a real and good mum I'd had since Jordan was born. Before he was born too because none of my parents were ever good!

I found a poem, and as fast and as neat as I could I wrote it down on a paper… then read through it… I had put something of my own at the bottom, but I loved the poem… just like the one I had given her for Christmas in a frame, that I hadn't gotten how freaking true it actually was until now and how… how much Carlisle and Esme and the rest of the Cullen's had done for me- that they had actually saved my life. And I'm not just talking about what Carlisle did when I had a pneumonia.

Damn it! Why hadn't I seen this before?

At last I eyed through the poem and what I had written on the bottom. Well this would have to do- if I was going to write it neater then I would have to waste at least a couple of hours and I was already waiting for Carlisle to kick the door to my room in at any time and then hit me with a blow that would send me across the room and knock me into next month!

Although maybe I should have known better! But I couldn't really think clear now.

I half ran through the hallway, through the living room and up the stairs. I felt the others' glares burn in my neck but I didn't look up to meet their eyes once. The door to Carlisle and Esme's room was closed, but I sat down on my knees and then pushed the paper into the room under the door. I knew that they would see it!

And I kind of hoped someone would come out

But no one did.

Slowly I walked back to my room. I slumped down on the bed again- had planned to sit like that with my head down until someone of the others came to talk to me. But- as the restless soul I was I started walking around and- then I spotted the card for the dancing studios to be able to go there and lend one of the halls fifteen times.

Suddenly- almost from nowhere I remembered a song. I hadn't heard it for years so I couldn't for my life imagine why it just popped up like that. But it was perfect for this situation- and I just knew. I just knew…

Carlisle POV

I sat holding my love close for… well I wasn't exactly sure how long! But it was for a good while! She didn't start crying but her silence and the way she held her face buried in my shirt with the sides covered of her hair just said it all. So much more than any words ever could.

I didn't move, didn't speak, or make any sign that I wanted her to let go. Not that I wanted that! I could sit with her like this for a hundred years if I so had to but after about forty five minutes she pushed herself away from me and pulled away.

I had heard Jamie pushing in that paper, and then heard her leaving to wherever. And… I didn't know what to say so what else was there to do then to read it. Probably with some excuse on why she could have hurt my love like this- after everything we had done.

I walked over to get the paper and then I read over Esme's shoulder what it said. And reading it… I just felt the anger run off- how could I not?

Mum, I'm sorry

Sorry for all of the times
I have shouted at you
I was just angry

Sorry for all the times
I've said the wrong things at the wrong times
you know, that just happens sometimes

Sorry for all the times
I have accused you
of not caring about me
I was wrong

Sorry for all of the times
I have made you sad
I didn't mean to

Mum, I'm sorry
I wrote this down
instead of just saying it
but I was too afraid
for things would sound wrong again

Things sound wrong so easily
When you love somebody
And I love you mummy

I'm sorry I said that Esme. I just… well I didn't really realize until right now that you might not biologically be my mum. Even though you're the best mum I've ever had.

The anger was replaced with something else. I wasn't sure what because in my hundreds of years I'd never felt my heart ache in this way like it did for this child. I had been angry… oh I had been so angry, I had wanted to punish her. Wanted her to hurt like she hurt my love… Now I was just ashamed of ever thinking that.

"Come on!" I stood up, I had heard Jamie leave the house a little while ago. "We need to go and find her and talk to her." I stood up and gently helped Esme too. Actually- I had no idea where Jamie had gone, and neither had any of my children. They could just tell me that she had went back into her room and then come jogging out and up the stairs and then left.

I tried calling Jamie but she only hung up on me. It should have been harder not being angry with her now than what it would be being angry. But I still couldn't be angry as I walked into her bedroom and looked around trying to find a clue somewhere about where she might have gone in what was in her room or if she had left a note somewhere.

I didn't find a note- or anything telling me where Jamie might have gone. I might just as well wait for her to come back, she might just as well have just taken a walk to think and calm down. But I just had a feeling it wasn't just about that and I needed to find her as soon as possible. But suddenly I realized- although it was more about what I didn't find.

I knew for a fact that Jamie usually had the punch card for the dancing studios lying on the desk. And now it wasn't there, I checked the corner, no the dancing shoes Alice and Rosalie weren't there. "The dancing studios." I exclaimed and turned around and walked down the hallway and then up the stairs with Esme walking right behind me.

It made sense, the dancing studios was within walking distance from our house. It would only take her ten minutes to get there. If I walked human speed I would probably arrive there just as she was about to start. Because even though I wasn't exactly angry anymore- I didn't think it was fair for her to go and enjoy herself after this.

I didn't mind taking the car the short way to the dancing studios. So I just pulled on coat and gloves- even though I knew that I wouldn't need it, and then I and Esme walked outside. The road to the studios was short, but we needed to walk human speed. And it had never felt this long before I pulled the door open and then walked in after Esme.

"Excuse me." I told the receptionist. "Did Jamie Dylan come in just a little while ago?" The receptionist raised an eyebrow at me. "Short girl, skinny, long, red hair." At the red hair the woman seemed to know who I meant. She pointed to her ear and showed me a hearing aid and then to her mouth and shook her head, to my mouth and nodded- she could read my lips and she wrote her answer at a paper and pointed up the stairs.

I'd have to admit… if anyone would have asked me about getting a deaf receptionist I would probably not have been in favor but. I had to admit that the receptionist whose named tag read "Clarence " did it pretty well and she also had another receptionist sitting right by doing some paper work- and. Come on now Carlisle Cullen! Concentrate.

I nodded and laid my arm around Esme's shoulder while we walked up two sets of stairs and through a hallway. Clarence had wrote on the paper that this hallway of dancing halls weren't used a lot, and that's why Jamie and others who wanted to go and dance and use it for themselves usually were sent up hair on days and times when there were also dance classes held.

I with my vampire hearing could hear music blasting from speakers on all of the floors in the studios. But only one of the songs was close enough for it to be on this floor. And that was Jamie's. I recognized the song and I couldn't help to wonder if it had any special meaning to her with this moment as I pressed down the door handle and it swung open.

I wanted to speak with Jamie right away, but both I and Esme stopped right inside the door and couldn't help but to just stand there and watch through the whole dance as the singing in the song started. "Help" Jame didn't notice we were there, but maybe it was good because I doubted that with anyone there that she would dance with a choreography so clear that it was right from her beautiful heart and soul if she knew we were there.

I had known that Jamie loved dancing, I had probably known that she was a good dancer too but whatever it was I had expected it was not this because this was beautiful. The way she seemed to- even with my vampire vision float over the floor and twisted and turned and… yeah… this couldn't be described in words!

It was weeks since we had last saw Jamie wearing something that she had had before she came to us. But right now I couldn't help but notice that the sweatpants and beanie that Emmett had given her, along with the coat from Esme and the dancing shoes from Alice and Rosalie lied in a corner of the room. Jamie was left wearing tights, a way too big hoodie and ragged sneakers that she had had before she came to us.

And I couldn't let go off the feeling that that meant something while Jamie danced. But whatever it was I had expected to happen when the last tone rang out it wasn't what actually did. As the last tone rang out Jamie crouched more and more until she at last sat on the floor hugging her legs when the very last tone rang out.

No new song came on, but Jamie left the phone lying by the speaker where she had plugged it in and didn't move or make a sound for several seconds. Then, just as I was on my way to walk over the floor and talk to her a sound rose from her throat, then again, then again.

Despite my vampire hearing, with how new this sound was I- by the first sound was afraid that Jamie was choking on something. But I soon realized that that wasn't the case.

Jamie was crying! Her scrawny body shook with wilder and wilder sobs and tears were spurting from her eyes faster than what she could stop them and even though she had her hand clenched and in her mouth to suppress the sound it didn't help much as the sobs were getting to wild and loud.

"Carlisle Terrell Cullen" Esme used my full name, so I would know that she was dead serious. "Don't you dare give her a lecture now. Not after this" Esme walked over the floor and then sat down by Jamie on the floor and she carefully laid an arm around the teenager's shoulders and pulled her close. Jamie first flinched but then relaxed and let Esme pull her into her lap.

At first I just stood there and watched them, then I walked over myself and laid a hand on her arm. "NO" Jamie immediately pushed herself away from my and Esme's touch and crawled away from Esme. "Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, plea- ease don't hurt me." I pulled Jamie close and held her in a tight grip.

"Jay, I would never hurt you. Sch, sch, sch. It's okay. It's okay I'm not going to hurt you." I did my best to calm her down and held her in a tight grip so that she couldn't get away until she had calmed down. When I could at last feel her relax I loosened my grip.

I was going to talk to her, but when I saw that under the exhaustion of letting her feelings out in God knows how long and beating herself up she had fainted and drifted off into unconsciousness I realized there hadn't been a meaning with it anyway. Being as exhausted as she had been any way after all of this she wouldn't have been able to take it in.

Jamie POV

Some of the clothes I had been wearing walking hear laid stuffed in a corner and the music had stopped playing. I just didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve all that they had given me and I just felt that I needed to take all of what they had given me off. If I could have I would have taken everything and given it all back to the stores so I could give the money back to the Cullen's.

I hadn't cried- I hadn't cried once, not when Jordan died, not when dad hit me all he wanted to or when his friends would do what they wanted with me. Maybe that was why I cried now. Beating myself up and imagining all that I had hurt and all that I had done I just couldn't help it and as soon as I had started I just couldn't stop.

I felt Esme embrace me, I didn't know what to think about it but so much I knew that Esme wouldn't hurt a fly. I wasn't so sure about Carlisle though. But he held me and he just wouldn't let go. I should have known that even if he only had had human strength it would have been easy for him to hold on and keep me from escaping.

And even though I should have known I continued fighting, though Carlisle didn't let go. And so I was just….

I was just too tired to hold on

So that poem… it's written by me- the original was written straight from the situation and… and it was written in Swedish. I translated-and ActressCeCe helped me with editing and making it even better so. Credit for that goes to her… if you want to use it, it's one two conditions. One, ask me first. Two, if I say yes- give me credit when you use it.

Playlist

Song Jamie's dancing to- Breathe me- Sia