I am so, so sorry for not updating. And I really have no excuse but the one that I didn't have any idea of what were to happen next. And here I am… Happy new year everyone! Oh and I have done collections on polyvore with like the edits for ycstb in one- and then other stories in other collection- there is a link for the you can't stop the beat one on my profile.
Oh and yeah… ehrm… Some of you might already know this but I figured many of you have got trouble with either that you don't know how to pronounce my name or that you just can't say it (No offence) So… I wanted to come up with a nickname. And since Linnea means Twinflower I came up with Twinnie- so if there's anyone who likes that better then you're all free to call me that if you want.
I have done it again!
Yep Jamie! You really have done it again!
As soon as I started waking up everything came back to me at once. I had been kind of fighting with Emmett over those T- shirts with silly prints, and then Esme had been trying to say something and I just… I just God how could I have been so stupid and then I had just left and… then I had been dancing and then I had?
God how could I have been so stupid? I had been a total wimp! And no one likes a wimp!
I remembered that just before I dozed off- I had had a headache, not as a migraine but at least the start of one. And even though it had been too much on my mind before I kind of disappeared for me to think about it then, I now had the feeling that I would get with a headache fading off- even though I must have been so off I hadn't even felt I had a real headache- even though I might or might not have had one.
I mostly just wanted to pull the blanket over me and drift off again, but I could almost feel there was someone in the room with me and I guessed I had already worried them enough. And for moment it hit me that right now that the only thing I wanted to do was go home, or… the house where I lived with my parents, and then just… let the Cullen's forget all about me, and forget all about them so they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. I really didn't want to worry them! It wasn't fair towards them!
I turned on my side and slowly opened my eyes. I could see that I laid in my room at the Cullen's. The light in the ceiling was turned off but there was a one not shining too bright on on the desk so it wasn't completely dark in the room that of course- since we were in the basement- didn't have any windows.
"Jamie." I turned my head and instantly my green eyes met Carlisle's golden. He stood by my bed slightly frowning and with his arms crossed over his chest in a move that I was just too afraid of what it might mean. And just to pull out on time and hopefully- even though I didn't believe so, maybe have him be less angry with him when it was time I turned my head and buried my face in the sheets.
"Jamie."
"I'm sorry." I replied. "I really am sorry!" I felt Carlisle hands on my back. "No please don't hurt me! I'll do anything you want me to, please! Just please don't hurt me. I didn't mean to hurt anyo…" I had to pause for a coughing fit and I felt Carlisle push my inhaler into my hand. "I'm fine, just swallowed wrong!"
I felt the mattress move when Carlisle sat down on the bed. "Jamie! I've said I'm not- ever going to hurt you and I meant that! I'm not going to hurt you! I know you never meant to hurt anyone and I'm not angry. I know that when you get frustrated it's way too easy to say things that you don't mean and not to think about what you say!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I know!" Carlisle's voice was firm, but just as calm and steady as it always was. "I'm not angry with you and nobody else is!" I slowly turned my head and looked up at Carlisle. He had said he wasn't angry and if he was anyway he for sure was covering it very well. "Nobody is angry with you! And even if they were no one would hurt you!"
"So if you're not going to hurt me. Then what would be my punishment?" I clenched my hand around the inhaler in my hand, dreading the answer I would get. There were loads of things that were a thousand times worse than getting beaten and kicked.
"I think you've had your punishment! And besides, you haven't done too many wrong since you came here so we can leave this be for now." I looked up at Carlisle after looking down. Knowing that if he wasn't going to punish me in some other way then he would be one to just sit there and look at me with those eyes that made me feel like I had done every wrong I possibly could.
But he didn't even look at me like that. And that with everything just made me feel worse than ever so I looked away and checked my clock. I must have been sleeping for a while- for the whole afternoon, evening and the whole night and morning. Because it was lunch time and the date showed Friday, Feb the ninth.
Then I just pushed myself up and crossed my legs to sit Indian style. Looking down not to have to meet Carlisle's eyes again, because the way he didn't look blaming just made me feel so… like I just didn't deserve any of this!
"At the studios… you were dancing beautifully! Although- I did have a reason when I told you, you shouldn't dance or ice skate yet after that pneumonia. But I think that I've been somewhat over- protective so you're free to do it again. Just take it easy from the start and if something happens and your medicines doesn't help come straight to me!"
I nodded at what Carlisle told me. "I called your school and told them you wouldn't come today. I figured you'd be exhausted after what was going on yesterday so I decided that I didn't want to wake you up. If you want to you can still go to school and you'll be there for the lessons after lunch." I hesitated- wanted to and wanted to- I'd guess I needed to!
"Okay. It's a good thing you do right with your studying dear. Come on, get dressed and all of that and I can drive you okay?" I nodded and Carlisle walked out of my room while I picked out the sweatpants that Emmett had given me with "Jamie D" written on them, and a sweatshirt from my wardrobe and went to get myself ready.
Even though I had planned it to be a surprise for them that I would compete in figure skating at March the eighteenth. It felt good that I didn't need to hide from Carlisle that I had brought my skate bag with me to go to the skating hall after school was finished for today and do some practice for the competition even though it was almost a month and a half until it was time for it.
"Hey Jame." I had just come inside the school when I saw Emmett and Jasper standing by some lockers. "Listen… I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I should have known those shirts would be a bad idea. I'll send them back later today." I shook my head and told me not to- maybe, if maybe some time from now I wouldn't be so secret with who I was I could use them and they were kind of funny anyway.
"Well then… then I won't. Here they are I was going to send them back after school but now I won't need to. I could just take them to the car by the way." He took the pack with the two T- shirts again and walked down the hallway again with an unusual happy jump in his steps. And I couldn't help to laugh silently at him and shake my head before I walked up to the skating hall before my lesson started.
"Hello" I caught the receptionist's attention. "I have applied to the competitions at March the eighteenth, but I'd like to change the song I put is there any chance I can do that? My name's Jamie Dylan." The receptionist nodded, riffled in the papers in the shelves and reached me my paper where I draw a line over the title I had put and wrote another one. Well-if not else now I couldn't change my mind again because there was no space left on the line. "Thanks" I gave the papers back to the woman and then walked out in the hallway again.
Walking through the hallway again towards my locker and then opening it I couldn't help to think about the song I had chosen and what it really meant. How I couldn't help to think about the first day I met the Cullen's and with all of that part with Carlisle stitching up the wound I had gotten and everything and how… if that had never happened how nothing would have changed!
And somehow the thought that I would kind of dedicate my performance in the spring competitions to the Cullen's popped up in my mind and it wouldn't leave me alone so… I guess I just wanted a way to make everything I had done to them right again, even though it probably wasn't enough to what I wanted to say.
"Hey… Jamie Dylan right?" I heard skating while I was just on my way to put on music in my phone to the new song I had chosen. And span around and found that guy from the hospital reception standing there along with his younger siblings. "Remember me? I'm Tysen Tobin, receptionist at the hospital." I nodded and pulled my headphones out again. "This is my sister Luvie and my brother Carter. This is Jamie Dylan guys, you know the girl who was very sick with a pneumonia?"
"That girl who looked like she was dead? The one I gave my drawing to?" At first Tysen scolded Luvie for what she said, then when she mentioned the drawing he smiled and nodded. "Did you like my drawing?" I nodded. "Yay, told you she'd like it Carter!" I laughed slightly at the stubbornness and statement so typical with children and started brainstorming for something to say to just put on music.
"Tysen…" Suddenly Emmett came running into the room. "Carlisle's asking you to be at ours at five at our house on Wednesday. But I say that that is yours and your sister's birthdays and you two should probably be home but he keeps on saying you won't mind so… would you two like to be at ours at five on Valentine's Day?"
"I don't have to spend a whole night on my birthday listening to my dad's nagging?" Tysen hesitated for a minute and then jumped a couple of times. "AWESOME! Is it okay with you too Love?" He bent down to his sister who just nodded and jumped. "Well, as long as it's okay with everybody at yours then we'll be happy…"
I had been standing for a bit and listening to the conversation but I decided to just leave and start my skating so I sat down and started fingering with my shoelaces, but didn't even have the time to take the first shoe off before Emmett had talked me into going home with him now. And suddenly I spent my whole Friday afternoon watching glee instead of doing skating like I had planned.
"So do we have the presents?" Carlisle was running around on Wednesday afternoon a bit before Tysen and Luvie would arrive. "The ones for Tysen, the ones for Luvie. We have cake, and we have us and Rosalie…"
"…Is getting Tysen's present." Esme interrupted and continued. "Calm down Carlisle. This will all go along the plans. You've got nothing to worry about!" Carlisle smiled, and finally looked as if he actually wasn't worrying about the birthday party we held for Tysen and Luvie today, with a great timing because just as he seemed to relax I heard a knock on the door and went upstairs to get it.
"Hey. I'm sorry we're a bit early." Tysen came in and right away started helping Luvie to get her clothes and other winter thick clothes. "Is Carlisle here?" I nodded and showed them into the kitchen "Oh… so that's why this house looks so small. Most of it is in the basement? That's so cool!" I rolled my eyes, well- it was different but cool- nah!
"Hey Carlisle. And everyone else as well." Tysen nodded and glanced over the whole Cullen family standing in the kitchen and tried to remember everyone's names. "So you're Jamie, and you're Carlisle, and you're Emmett, and you're Alice…" So far he had it right. "And you're Gertrude and you're Berta…" he continued the round with choosing random, absolutely terrible names but I just shook my head and left the room. He was only being silly!
"Jamie?" Esme had followed me downstairs. "Aren't you coming to join the party?" I sighed. "Are you okay sweetie? Should I get Carlisle?" I held up a hand to silent her, ever since I had been having a pneumonia she and everyone else would constantly worry about me and if I so much as sneezed or seemed a bit off they'd wonder if they should Carlisle make an examination.
"I'm fine Esme." I said. "And I'm coming to join the party. I just want to change into something more comfortable if no one minds." I knew that it might be cleverer to wear something prettier for a party but if I had to wear tights for another moment I would scream out loud, itch and only jump around and try to pull it away before it freaking chocked me.
I sighed- maybe my try with wearing tights for once in a life wasn't one such a good idea after all!
I went into my room- which still hadn't been re- made since the Cullen's had given me a re- do of it. Not that I complained though! And changed into baggy jeans and a hoodie stripy in grey and white. And then went upstairs where they were singing the happy birthday song for Luvie- obviously they had already been singing for Tysen.
"So wait..." Emmett started directly after they had finished singing. "Your name is Tysen with an E. Your sister's name is Luvie with a U and your brother's name is Carter… Geez! What happened to normal names like Anna or Peter?" Tysen laughed and shook his head, and then they got into a discussion about exactly how many times Tysen had been through someone spelling his name wrong.
"Oh wow." Carlisle had left the room and came back with a big box wrapped in paper printed with some pictures from the movie frozen. "Is that whole big box for me?" Carlisle nodded smiling towards the little girl- the box must be at least twice her own size and when Carlisle put it on the kitchen bench she had to climb up onto the bench herself and still stand up to be able to rip the paper off and open the big carton.
"Oh wow!" Luvie stated again. "Loads of frozen- stuff. Loads and loads of frozen- stuff. Look Tysen! It's the Olaf, Anna, Elsa and Sven dolls I wanted!" She held up a pack with four stuffed dolls and Tysen smiled and took it to see it better. "And a coat, and a journal, and a hoodie, and sneakers, and a wrist watch, and a necklace…" Luvie continued with every item she found in the box.
"Oh. Dr. Cullen"
"Carlisle!"
"Yes, Carlisle I…. this is way too much." Carlisle shook his head while Tysen shook his hand and then moved over to shake hands with each and every one in the room because this was the present from all of us to Luvie. "You too Mrs. Cullen and Jamie and…" He continued with every person- he must really have a way with remembering names because this time he didn't get one name wrong.
"And can you see these" Alice picked up a pack with paper plates, paper cups and plastic spoons. "Do you know what they mean?" Luvie jumped on the kitchen bench bobbing her head up and down. "So what does it mean?"
"CAKE!" She shouted and Emmett, who had been gone for a moment came into the room with a big frozen- cake. With a picture of the characters on the top and written "Luvie Six years old" Along with six pink and blue candles lit up so Luvie reached up and was going to blow out the candles when….
"Whoa." Luvie had stepped outside of the bench, but even before she had had the time to be scared Esme had caught her and so lifted her back onto the bench. "Take it easy there. We don't want you to fall and hurt yourself on your birthday do we dear?" Luvie shook her head and looked kind of thoughtfully to her oldest brother.
"Last year on our birthday Tysen had broken his leg!" Tysen had just had a big smile about seeing his sister so happy about all of the frozen- things, now his smile quickly died out and a dark look almost turned his normally hazel eyes turning into almost black and there was that glance that I just knew way too well because I had had it too.
"Oh yeah?" Carlisle's voice sounded unusually distressed. "What happened then?"
"I only fell down some stairs." I could almost hear the truth shining through and gave Carlisle a meaning look. But Carlisle only shook his head- well, I could guess he would take care of this too. "And oh. They found that guy who mugged me. So I've gotten my things back!" Tysen took another bite from the cake. "This is a really good cake!"
I frowned, I had heard about that Tysen had gotten mugged and everything but something in the way he was telling it gave me a feeling that he wasn't telling the truth about this either. But Carlisle gestured to me again in a way that I knew that I should just leave it be and let him deal with it.
"Well. Tysen is getting a present too!" Emmett said and Rosalie handed him a small, wrapped box that he handed to Tysen and Tysen slowly pulled up the lock and then, with open mouth pulled up a car key to a Porsche just staring at the keys for several seconds before he lowered his hands again and looked up at Carlisle.
"Carlisle… this is too much. I can't… I can't." He put the keys back in the bock and reached it to Carlisle. "I really can't take it. It's too much!"
"It is just enough!"
About then I decided to leave the room. Every once in a while I would start thinking about what would happen on Friday and I would almost have a panic attack. How great! I hadn't even swallowed them damn meds yet and I was already nervous- because apparently nervousity was one of the most known side effects from Ritalin.
As quiet as possible I tiptoed out of the room and downstairs, but still could hear Tysen's joyful shout when he realized that Porsche really was-and would stay his. Even though my thoughts was somewhere completely different.
"So are you ready?" Carlisle asked me when on Friday morning I stood with a small pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. "Remember you don't have to do this if it doesn't feel right!" I nodded, and shook my head.
"I want to." I took a deep breath. "And I'm ready!"
And cut! Again I'm so, so sorry it took me like a hundred years to get this chapter up. The next one should go faster and I'm going to try and have it up February the seventh. Well, well. Until next time- ciao!