12. Claustrophobia

The airship finally landed in Costa del Sol. They had searched behind every cargo and in other parts of the ship, and so had the other Shinra soldiers and the ship's sailors. But they hadn't found a trace of Sephiroth anywhere; like he had simply vanished.

Or like he hadn't been there in the first place.

Cloud tried to shake that thought as they slipped through the back down onto the dock. They watched Rufus and Heidegger head one way, and went another, much to Barret's disappointment.

Costa del Sol was a beach town, always sunny. Even now in early December, sunshine poured in from all directions and seemed to soak up the shadows too. It was unfiltered, raw, smashing into their foreheads and the ground. Cloud wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead.

"Damn! Sure is hot here!" Barret complained. He wiped his one hand across his face, which came away dripping. As a (sort of) disguise, Barret had worn a white sailor's uniform jacket to hide his gun-arm, and now he was taking it off (almost ripping it off). "At least now I get to say goodbye to this sailor suit."

"Aw," Yuffie had almost recovered now, although there were hints of green in her face. "Too bad. I kinda liked it. You look… you look…"

"I look…?" Barret waited, expectant.

"You look like… help," Yuffie turned her wide eyes to Aerith and Tifa. Red XIII slithered between their legs and hid behind Cloud's sword. Heat was making stains on his back, and the sword felt heavier than usual. Cloud wished they could get somewhere cool.

"Um… cute?" Aerith offered.

"Cute?" Barret said, incredulous (but a little bit pleased). Tifa shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, I don't know. What do you think, Cloud?"

Cloud watched her try not to laugh (Aerith was biting her lips too), and blinked; all he could think was that it was hot, way too hot, it never got this hot in Nibelheim. And it was sticky; it was like sunlight became invisible worms and stuck to their arms and necks.

"What, you got nothin' to say –"

"You look like," Cloud interrupted Barret. "A bear wearing marshmallow."

Honestly, he hadn't meant to say that out loud, but it was just too hot and he had to say something to get out of here. Tifa and Aerith burst out laughing; Yuffie was almost rolling on the ground from giggling too much, and even Red XIII huffed in amusement.

Barret just stared at him. "You – you spiky-headed –"

Cloud shrugged. Aerith came to his rescue, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Oh, come on, Barret, it was a compliment."

Barret narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "You sure?"

"Yeah, it was a compliment," Cloud dismissed him.

"Can we take a break? Please? The heat here's drying my nose." Yuffie said.

"What does that mean, anyway?" Barret grumbled.

"Alright," Cloud said. He wasn't exactly sure where to head from here, with Sephiroth just – disappearing – like that, and he would have to ask around the town, maybe trail Rufus or something. All the better with less people around. And besides, the intense sunlight was making him dizzy. "We'll take a little break. Don't wander too far off."

"I'll wander wherever damn I want," Barret said, still a little pissed about the marshmallow remark. "Who made him the leader?"

"C'mon, Red!" Yuffie, who had taken to Red XIII like he was a talking, walking stuffed animal, bounded away in a second. Barret stomped away in the opposite direction, murmuring marshmallow… under his breath. So Cloud was left with Tifa and Aerith. He was about to say goodbye and head off on his own, when Tifa said,

"Let's go to the beach."

"Beach?" Aerith said, eyes wide. "I've never been to the beach."

Tifa grinned. "Me neither. Have you, Cloud?"

"What? Uh, no," Cloud answered, a little thrown. "But listen, I better go and –"

"That can wait," Tifa said. "Come on, we're taking a break, right?"

"I've never even seen the ocean up close," Aerith chimed in, looking hopefully up at Cloud. He was at a loss for what to say, reasons to refuse them. He supposed that he could have said no and went off, but he didn't; Tifa wasn't sure he'd go, a hint of a question in her eyes, but Aerith was sure. Cloud felt, like he often did with Aerith, that he was being transparent somehow. He was not much of an enigma to her, like he was with Tifa and the others. Tifa, he supposed, was still getting used to the idea of this version of him, new and improved (except, not really) – and in the end he didn't say no, because Aerith didn't know him all that well and Tifa did, and it was all very complicated. It was hard to think anyway, with the heat messing with his head.

"Well, okay, then," he finally said. "For a little while."

The beach was not what he had expected.

Sand stuck to his feet, there wasn't a shade to hide beneath, the wind was heavy and salty. Somehow, in all of the pictures he'd seen, he'd imagined it to be more – just more. But the waves, they were magnificent.

He listened to the sound of the waves crashing down on rocks, the shore. It was almost hypnotic, how they kept their time like clockwork. The sun (which he was really beginning to resent) dissolved in white foam. Everything was just so bright. So different from the mountains where he'd grown up, all their shadows. Here, light was on everything equally, in every corner; burned the eyes, when you stared at the grains of sand too long. Occasionally seagulls spread their wings and flew into the endless sky. That was another thing; the sky. It was so vast that it scared him a little, especially how it would meet the sea on the horizon and it would blur in azure, indistinguishable.

For a moment it was almost peaceful (the voices in his head muted, for once); but not for long.

"Cloud!" Aerith suddenly gasped. Her hand touched his arm, salt-drenched and burning.

"What?" He looked at her. She was looking at something else.

"Look!" She pointed down at the lower beach.

In the middle of the sunshine, white sand, people having pleasant times, stood a man that looked so out of place that he looked like someone had cut and pasted him in the scenery. The air around him seemed darker, even, denser than the rest. Cloud recognized him at once, of course. How couldn't he? He swallowed back a bile in his throat, fought the irrational fear that threatened to overwhelm him every time he saw the man. The fear – it was stupid, because he was just a sick scientist, and he should be disgusted instead. It was a thin line, though.

"Hojo," he spat out, forcing himself to keep calm. "What is he doing here?"

"Should we find out?" Tifa said, biting her lips.

"I don't know – Tifa, can you go find the others?" Cloud said.

"Yeah, sure."

Tifa took one last look at the unmoving back of Hojo, then ran back the way they came. Aerith rubbed her arms as if she was cold, even though it wasn't.

"I have a really bad feeling about this," she murmured.

"About what?" Cloud asked, wading through sand that suddenly felt too heavy and thick. "Hojo?"

"Yeah. Specifically, what he's doing here in Costa del Sol," Aerith said, following him.

"Well, at least it means we're on the right track." Cloud sucked in a breath, then called, "Hojo!"

He stopped when he thought they could hear each other without shouting. He didn't want to get too close to him. Aerith was half a step behind him, fidgeting a little. Cloud thought that the sun looked grayer. The waves died down in his mind. Hojo turned around.

"Oh, it's you. It's been a long time, Cloud," Hojo's lips turned up in a crooked smile. "I was just so busy last time for a proper greeting…"

"I don't need your greeting," Cloud said, trying to talk himself out of just punching the man right in the face. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought it was rather obvious," Hojo said. "I'm getting a tan."

Cloud took a deep breath. "Answer me," he said, in the calmest voice he could manage. Something was boiling inside his chest and it had nothing to do with the stifling heat. Cloud was almost afraid to name it because it felt disturbingly like –

"I believe we're both after the same thing, Cloud."

– suffocating, small room, stench of Mako so thick, no way out –

"You mean Sephiroth?" He heard Aerith ask, voice distant. He shook himself awake. Get it together now, he thought desperately.

"Yes," Hojo narrowed his eyes, suddenly eager. "Did you see him?"

"We did," Cloud said, although he briefly considered lying, just so he could disappoint Hojo. But what was the point? And maybe Hojo could tell them something… if Cloud could make him –

"Hmm," Hojo chuckled. "I see."

"What?"

"Nothing. I just remembered a certain hypothesis," he said, unctuously, wiping a false streak of tear off his face. "Oh, isn't it wonderful, though?"

"Speak straight, Hojo," Cloud growled; he wanted to grab his sword, but didn't. Hojo had no idea how close to a painful death he was. He carried on, looking directly at Cloud this time.

"Tell me, Cloud," he said. "Haven't you ever had the feeling that something is calling you? Or maybe that you had to be somewhere…"

Cloud stared at him. He didn't even feel the heat anymore.

He loathed the fact that he knew what Hojo was talking about. Did he know something that Cloud didn't? But he couldn't show it, couldn't let him know how scared he was. The humid air was crawling all over his skin and sticking to his thoughts. He tried to keep his voice cool.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"So – how are you following Sephiroth, then?" Hojo said, it seemed, fighting back a smile. Cloud drew a breath.

"I followed the Shinra and the Turks. I'm going to find Sephiroth and put an end to all this."

"I see. Interesting." Then, looking down at Cloud's SOLIDER uniform, he finally let out a smirk. "Were you ever in SOLDIER, Cloud?"

Before he knew it, Cloud was reaching for his sword. Blood boiled and burned his head, spilled over, burned over his eyelids. He didn't even know why he was so mad, by this, of all things; of course he was in SOLDIER, of course he was…

"Cloud!" Red XIII leapt on him, pushing him back, making him fall on the sand. "You realize –" Red III growled. Yuffie was also running toward them, skidding to a halt next to Aerith.

"Okay, okay. I got it," Cloud muttered, still pinned down by Red XIII. He could feel sand sticking all over him. His breaths were still coming a little short, but the initial madness had died down a little. He could see Hojo's face behind Red XIII, and found it startled. He hoped that Hojo had been scared for his life, even for just a second. Hojo had composed himself again, though, and was now walking toward Aerith. He made to get up but Red XIII was still pressing down on him. Instead, Tifa and Yuffie both stood a little closer to Aerith. Yuffie was glaring at Hojo with such hatred, but Hojo didn't seem to notice. He stopped in front of Aerith.

"You're that Ancient that ran away from my lab," he said.

"My name is Aerith," she said, calm and even pleasant, and her face calmed Cloud down a little. "You're that scientist that kidnapped me."

"Technically, it was the Turks," Hojo dismissed her. "So, how is your mother? Ifalna?"

"You didn't know? She's dead," Aerith said.

"I see," Hojo looked thoughtful. Cloud wondered how he knew Aerith's mother, when he remembered – as a specimen, she is inferior to her mother. And he would have thrown Red XIII off himself, if Aerith didn't look so calm and composed.

"Tell me something, professor Hojo," she was saying, "Is Jenova an Ancient? And Sephiroth, too? Do they have the same blood that I do?"

They never got the answer from Hojo. Just as he was opening his mouth, a bear – no, Barret – was jumping all over him and yelling and trying to attack, and as much as Cloud wanted Hojo shredded, they needed answers still. But when they managed to calm Barret down, Hojo had already disappeared.

"Damn, those slinky Shinra rats," Yuffie huffed. "They make 'em practice teleporting or something?"

Barret was sporting a few bruises, but still needed to cool his head; the heat, along with everything else, must be getting to him. So they dragged him to an inn nearby, and locked him in a room. Cloud and Tifa were completely exhausted after that ordeal, and they went down the steps of the inn without saying anything much.

And then, someone called,

"Hey, uh, Tifa?"

Tifa looked around for the voice, and when she saw who was speaking, her face lit up in a pleasant surprise. Cloud followed her eyes and saw a man standing by the foot of the staircase, nervously clutching the rails. He didn't recognize him.

Tifa did, though.

"Johnny!"

Johnny's face lit up, too, twin smiles on their faces. "Yeah! You remember!"

Johnny. That rings a bell. Cloud frowned, staring at the man's face. In fact, he might have seen him somewhere – no, definitely he has seen him –

"Hey, Johnny," Tifa said quickly. "This is Cloud. You remember him?"

Cloud kept a carefully blank expression on his face, while Johnny scrutinized him. He looked surprised, for some reason, and uncomfortable.

"Yeah – 'course, Cloud," Johnny said, grinned unconvincingly.

"Cloud, do you remember Johnny too? He went to our school back in Nibelheim," Tifa said.

"Oh, right," Cloud said. "Sure."

"You look good, Cloud, I remember you were a – um, quiet boy – well, good to see you again."

"Yeah, you too," Cloud said. Johnny was forcing a smile on his face. Yes, but not really; he remembered Johnny now. He couldn't believe that he'd forgotten.

It was strange; his memories with Sephiroth and SOLDIER were so clear, clearer than photograph, like he was living it today. But the memories from Nibelheim came staggeringly, in pieces, all faded. But he remembered Johnny now. Of course. He was the one who'd pushed him into the river that January.

Well, to be fair, Cloud thought, I broke his nose after that.

"So, Tifa – you wanna catch up or somethin'? I'll buy you a drink," Johnny said, and this smile wasn't forced. Cloud watched the two of them.

"Oh, I don't know – do we have the time?" Tifa turned to Cloud, now. Cloud wished she could read what she was saying with her eyes, but he never could; so instead, he just shrugged.

"We're taking a break, remember?"

"Yeah, but –"

"Go ahead, Tifa," Cloud said. "We don't even know where to go yet. And besides, Barret needs to cool down."

"Okay –" Tifa smiled, a little hesitantly. "I won't be late, though."

He'd never told her about the river. No, he had, but he hadn't said who. He wondered why he hadn't. It looked like Johnny was wondering the same thing. He shot a look at Cloud, then disappeared with Tifa down the stairs.

It was so long ago. It was stupid, what they fought about. The reasons – kids always had their reasons, but he couldn't remember them now. The one thing he really remembered was the feeling of being angry, constantly, and he might not have started all those fights but he sure never backed away from them. Bruises, cuts, sometimes broken bones – maybe that was why he couldn't remember Nibelheim so clearly. He didn't want to remember.

And now he'd forgotten why they'd been heading downstairs in the first place. He walked up the stairs again, an illogical anger swirling in his head. He might have stomped a little – but he froze at the top of the stairs, when he found Aerith sitting in the otherwise empty corridor, leaning against the door to his room. She looked up when she heard him come, smiled, and Cloud felt a little embarrassed and somewhat flustered. He couldn't remember why he was so frustrated a minute ago; maybe he'd never known.

"Aerith, what are you doing here?"

"Ah, waiting for you, obviously," she said, and patted the spot next to her, on the wooden floor. Cloud sat down slowly, the sword on his lap. The wood wasn't too hard on his back; the years had worn it soft and smooth.

"I was standing, initially," Aerith said, a silent laughter in her voice. They were both staring at the empty air, not looking at each other. "But I was so tired – I don't know why. So I sat down, and I couldn't get up."

"It was a tiring few days," Cloud said, feeling like it wasn't an answer enough.

"There are so many things I don't understand," Aerith said softly. "I feel –" She shook her head. The tip of her braid brushed Cloud's bare arm. "Cloud, can you tell me something?"

"Yeah, what?"

"What do you think of me?"

"What?" Cloud blinked, not knowing exactly what she was saying, thinking that he was glad the corridor was dark and empty.

"I mean, which part of me is like an Ancient? What is an Ancient supposed to be like?" She continued.

"Oh… Yeah, I mean, um, I'm not really sure. It's –" Cloud heard himself stuttering, and stopped.

"I'm just a normal girl, though," Aerith said.

"Well, you – you're not normal," Cloud said, wondering if this was the right thing to say. "I mean, you can talk to the Planet and stuff. Not every girl can do that."

Aerith laughed, to his embarrassment, but it was a pleasant laughter.

"I guess you're right. Not every girl can do that."

He heard her get up, clothes rustling, the wooden floor creaking. He swallowed and got up too, feeling a little strange.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed now. Thanks for listening, Cloud."

"I didn't do anything," he muttered.

"It helped, though." It had gotten quite dark outside, and he could just make out the lines of her face, smiling.

"Okay," he said. He didn't know what else to say, so he added, "Good night."

"Good night."

He watched her disappear through the corridor, the darkness engulfing her. Maybe he did know why he hadn't told Tifa about Johnny. Maybe he had always known.

Cloud turned and walked into his room, suddenly feeling so tired. It had been a long day.