13. Absolution

"Ever carried the weight of another, for how long?

I walked as far as they need to recover, for how long?

But are we scared to take the ride, or dare to look inside,

I'm floating far away."

From Overweight by Blue October

They left the town early next morning; not that it was much cooler, but the sun diluted almost immediately when they walked out of the town, like a white-hot spotlight had been shining on just that part of the world.

"It is those mountains," Red XIII said. "They are casting shadows on us."

The mountains, as Red XIII had pointed out, were looming over their path, casting shadows so deep that it almost looked like the entrance of a cave.

"Where are we going next, Cloud?" Tifa asked. She was fanning herself with her hand, looking at the shadow-path longingly. Cloud thought she looked a little tired. They hadn't mentioned Johnny since yesterday. Not that he particularly wanted to.

"Did you ask around?" Aerith asked.

"Yeah, but – no one saw anything odd."

"And Rufus?" Barret said his name like a curse. Cloud shook his head.

"Disappeared."

"We should of kept closer watch, dammit –"

"Hey, it was you who went all berserk on that creepy dude yesterday –" Yuffie said.

"Stop quarreling," Red XIII said, and Cloud thought he sounded tired. "So what now, Cloud?"

"Now…" Cloud looked at the mountain-path again. "We go that way."

"Why?" Red XIII asked.

"Because –" It was true, what Hojo said. He could feel – which meant that some part of him was connected to Sephiroth, in some way. Haven't you ever had the feeling that something is calling you? "Because that's the only way we can go," Cloud managed to say, before the pause dragged on too long. "This is a harbor town, so there's no way back. And if it's true that Sephiroth was here, then there are only two ways he could've gone. To the South is Gelnika, but that's underwater. So –"

"So this is the only way he could have gone," Red XIII nodded. He darted forward first, disappeared into the shadow.

"What are those mountains called?" Aerith asked, following Red XIII. The air was immediately cool when they entered the shadows. The sea-wind humidity was behind them, and it was cool – almost cold here.

"Corel Mountains." It was Barret who answered. There was a strange light in his eyes, though, like he was seeing something else, walking into someplace else as they went deeper into the mountain-paths. But then, maybe it was just the ways the shadows suddenly blocked out the sun.

It got colder as they walked on; almost turning frosty. Their breaths started coming out white, swirling in the air in front of their faces. Yuffie, who didn't have a jacket, was constantly shivering and cursing under her breath (Aerith offered hers, but Yuffie thought it a disgraceful defeat).

The mountains reminded him of Nibelheim. Cloud found his footing easily enough among the array of rocks and braches, bare and slippery. It used to be so quiet in the mountains; Cloud had often wandered into the depths, getting lost on purpose, hoping he wouldn't find his way back out. But he always did. Or, when he didn't, Tifa came looking for him. Cloud saw Tifa walking ahead of him, easily, and wondered if she was remembering the same thing.

Despite the mutterings, Yuffie was actually quite natural in the mountains. She jumped around and through the trees like some kind of an animal, keeping par with Red XIII. Aerith had it a little harder, and Cloud occasionally stopped and held out his hand for her, to step over rocks.

The strange thing was that Barret was getting quieter and quieter with every step they took. It was starting to be unsettling; even Yuffie noticed.

"Hey, big guy, what's up with you?" She asked, trying to be off-handed about it.

"It's nothing," Barret grunted, didn't stop walking.

Yuffie frowned, looked at Cloud, but he didn't know what to say.

Soon, they passed a signpost; scrawny arrows pointing at two different directions – Village, Reactor.

Barret, who had been walking in front, kicked it over; it broke cleanly in two pieces, being half-frozen by frost.

"Woah –" Yuffie started to say something, but Barret walked past without explaining, stomping on the fallen piece that read Reactor.

"Barret, are you okay?" Tifa called at his back. No answer. In the end they just had to follow him. Red XIII purred, in a way that sounded like a sigh.

"What's gettin' him all worked up?" Yuffie asked, bewildered.

"He – he hates Mako reactors," was all Tifa could offer. She shrugged, helpless. "I don't really know."

They kept walking in the direction that said Village, but there was no village. All they found was a garbage dump; piles of trash, scraps of metal, disconnected parts of various machines piled up into a huge mountain – monument – in the middle of a clearing.

But then, looking closely, Cloud found tents in between piles of trash; kids, too. They all stopped what they were doing (which looked like a game of hide-and-seek) and stared at Cloud and the others as they walked into the garbage dump.

Or, actually, the village of Corel, according to the sign.

"This is the village?" Yuffie said in a whisper. But it was too loud anyway, in the sudden and absolute silence. Some adults looked out from their tents, behind flaps, but their stares didn't look friendly. Even when they looked away, the looks seemed to linger behind; no one knew what to say. Barret remained silent.

"Let's get outta here quick, Cloud," Yuffie murmured, almost in Cloud's ear.

"We have to ask first," Red XIII reminded them, but he looked reluctant too. "If anybody has seen a man like Sephiroth."

"Yeah," Cloud said, thinking that it had gotten very cold all of a sudden. He looked around for someone he could talk to, found a man who was coming straight at him.

It was a tall man; towering a few centimeters over Barret, and he had two friends with him. Had the face of a man looking for a fight (Cloud would know), and Cloud started backing away; except, they weren't looking at Cloud. They walked past him and stopped in front of Barret. Barret just stared back at the three men, not saying anything. The man in the middle spat something out on the ground next to Barret.

"Well, lookit this, men. Never thought I'd ever see yer face again," he said, voice acidic. The other two chuckled, or growled; Cloud couldn't tell. But he could definitely tell that they were angry. And that they had a good reason behind it, although he didn't know what that could be; they weren't just picking fights. He felt the tension in the air. This could get ugly, he thought. Barret still didn't say anything.

"So, whatcha doin' with all those ladies, huh?"

"Hey, hey, he's got hisself a prettyboy, too," one of the others leered. Red XIII watched him tensely, probably wondering if he needed to jump on Cloud and stop him again; but there was no need. As much as Cloud was used to – this, the sneers, the condescension , he didn't even feel the insult now. They had to get out of here, without too much trouble.

The third man laughed a violent laughter. "Well, I feel sorry for you, then – hangin' round a walkin' death-sentence like Barret frickin' Wallace."

"Lookit this place," the tall man had given up all pretenses now; he was snarling, spitting fury, taking a step closer to Barret. "It's all yer fault that North Corel turned into a garbage heap like this! Why doncha say somethin', huh? Got nothin' to say?"

Barret kept silent. He didn't look away, either. The man met his stare for a while; but eventually he backed up, spitting on the ground, eyes burning with hatred.

"Forget it," he said. "You ain't even worth the effort." He turned away; the disgust was almost palpable.

"Hey," one of the men turned to Cloud. "I don't know ya, but I wouldn't waste time with this techno-freak. He gonna stab yer back sooner or later."

"Don't say we didn't warn ya, kid," the other growled, threw one last glance at Barret's too-still form and walked away.

The road out of the town was short, but felt long; Cloud felt it stretch into infinity, felt the gazes of the townspeople at his back like needles drawing blood. He could only breathe right when they were well out of the town.

"Hey," Barret turned to Cloud. "Thanks for keepin' cool. Sorry 'bout that."

"What happened, Barret?" Tifa asked. She was frowning; Cloud guessed that in all the time she'd known him, Barret had never mentioned this.

"You heard 'em. It's my fault that the town was – destroyed."

"How come?" Yuffie asked, but Barret just shook his head. Nobody, not even Yuffie, wanted to question him looking so distraught. They just kept climbing through the rocks in silence for a while.

But he did tell them, later, when they stopped to catch their breaths in front of a strangely shaped rock, its edges unnaturally smooth. Looking closely, Cloud found that it was like a monument of sorts, with a little plate with a name and date on it at the bottom of the piece.

"My hometown used to be 'round here," Barret said, suddenly.

"Used to?" Red XIII asked. He had settled himself at the foot of the monument-rock, his red fur rustling and rising with the wind.

"Well, obviously – it ain't here no more," Barret explained, cringing. "Heard it got buried. In just four years."

"But the men said…" Aerith hesitated, not wanting to repeat them. Barret heaved a deep sigh.

"Yeah, an' they're right. It's my fault. All my fault."

"Tell us, Barret," Tifa said. Her voice was soft, gentle, but there was a kind of undeniable authority in it. Barret hesitated.

"We've come all this way to fight together, Barret," Cloud said. "'Least we should know what we're fighting against."

"Alright, I'll tell ya. But you might – you might hate me for it afterwards." Barret's voice was unusually flat. Yuffie squatted down next to Red XIII.

"Not like we think you're like, the saintliest man now. At least I don't," she said.

"I appreciate it, Yuffie," Barret nodded.

"What? That wasn't meant to be a compliment…"

"Corel had always been a coal mining town," Barret said over Yuffie's protest. "Small, dusty, but a hella good town. Even after Mako was bein' used everywhere else, it took us years to hear 'bout it. The Shinra people came," Barret gritted his teeth. "Talked us into utilizin' Mako energy. And I – the fool I was – I thought it sounded like a good deal, you know."

"Mako's not all bad," Yuffie said. "I mean, electricity and water's pretty handy, right?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought – but Dyne, my old friend, he was dead against it. He thought it meant we were throwin' away our coal, which was our life. I thought it was odd at first 'cause Dyne was the best-educated person in the village, but he was right, of course. But I was so stubborn an' so sure that in the end he was overruled."

"And then the Shinra built the reactor," Tifa guessed. Barret nodded, grimly.

"But the thing was," his expression changed suddenly, remembering – Cloud knew it, knew how memories haunted and never left. "It happened while me an' Dyne was outta town for a while, an' when we came back… Corel had been burned down by Shinra."

"Burned down?" Cloud's breath caught in his throat. He did not dare look at Tifa. "Why?"

Too similar, and Barret seemed to know. He looked at Cloud, sad and solemn.

"There was an explosion at the reactor. The Shinra blamed the accident on the people – said it was done by a rebel faction."

"But that's –" Tifa didn't finish, perhaps couldn't find the words to finish. Too similar. Cloud took a breath, frosty and sharp, that filled his lungs and cut his throat on the way.

"I know. But also I couldn't forgive myself. Never shoulda gone along with the building of the reactor…"

"Barret," Cloud said. Barret looked at him; Cloud met his gaze, wondered what he was going to say. Barret might have been looking for absolution – for someone to say, it's not your fault. It's not.

But Cloud couldn't say that; he was the wrong person to say it, didn't matter what he thought. Nothing mattered but the fact that their villages had burned down, that people had burned, alive, writhing in pain, and it might not exactly have been their faults but that didn't matter. They carried sins that weren't exactly theirs, but they still had to carry them on their backs, a million lost voices in their heads.

So, he supposed, he really didn't have anything to say to Barret. Except, maybe,

"We didn't get to ask where Sephiroth went."

Red XIII huffed in amusement.

"Cloud!" Yuffie exclaimed, half in indignation and half admiration, "That's all you gonna say?"

But Barret was laughing, laughing so hard that he was doubling over. Tifa looked bewildered, and Aerith was looking at them both with silent amusement, like she knew. Maybe she did, Cloud thought.

"There is a sign here," Red XIII said, getting up. "That says – Gold Saucer."

"Oh, there's a cable car along that way," Barret said, in between hiccups. "At least, there was."

"What's Gold Saucer?" Yuffie asked. She'd gotten over her indignation.

"It's like a huge amusement park."

"Looks like this is the only way anyone could have gone," Aerith observed. "It's too steep to climb from here."

"Then we will follow," Red XIII decided.

"Hey," Barret said later, when the others had all went ahead. "Thanks for that."

"I didn't really say anything," Cloud said, which was true.

"I know." Barret grinned. "But you understand."

Which was also true, so Cloud nodded.

"Yeah. You're welcome."