17. Cosmo Canyon

The old truck that they'd bought in Gongaga (from a farmer too old to drive it anymore) broke down in the middle of the road. It started sputtering, coughing, reminding Cloud of its previous owner. Started shaking uncontrollably, so he had no choice but to kill the engine before it burst into flames. Barret had been sitting at the back of the truck, squinting at the sun and generally being grumpy. He now banged at the back window, yelling, "I thought he said it'd work fine!"

Cloud shook his head and got out of the truck. It was a clear day, blue sky and endless desert horizon and a few shriveled trees here and there. Brown dirt flew up into the air, danced with the wind. It was also the middle of nowhere.

He stood for a minute, coping with the heat. He'd never been able to stand heat, growing up in Nibelheim where winter was half the year and sunny days were rarity. Weather was strange; it had been strange ever since October. It didn't get cold like it was supposed to.

"I knew he was lying, that old fart," Yuffie snorted. She looked comfortable in the heat, the desert, but then maybe she always was.

"But we had no choice," Cloud muttered, going around the back to check the engines. It had looked fine before, when they were buying.

"Oh, I know," Aerith said, with her chin on her folded hands, looking out from the truck. "It was a distraction."

"What was?" Tifa asked. She looked about as tired as Cloud, but was bearing it more gracefully.

"Remember he kept talking about his sons and daughters in Midgar?" Aerith laughed. "He was trying to distract Cloud from looking too closely at the engines."

"Yeah," Cloud agreed, bitter. "It's no good. I can fix it, but I need tools we don't have."

There was a short silence while everyone contemplated a slow, dried-out death in the desert.

Then, Red XIII said, "There is a town not far from here."

Cloud turned his head. "You mean Gongaga?"

"But even if we go back –" Tifa started to say, but Red XIII shook his head. His fire-tail flickered from side to side.

"It is hidden. The sacred town of Cosmo Canyon. They have a mechanic there." He didn't wait for the reply, and started running towards the large rocky mountains in the distance, the only thing there was for miles around.

"Hey, wait! Don't go so fast," Yuffie complained, but started running anyway, catching up to Red XIII quickly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cloud said to Barret, as he made to follow Aerith and Tifa. Barret looked back.

"What?"

"We have to drag the truck," Cloud said, wishing for a cool drink of water.

Barret cursed, very colorfully.

The entrance to the town was carefully concealed behind trees and rocks at the base of the mountains.

"Leave the truck here," Red XIII told them, and started making his way through the curves of the rocks and thick branches. Barret wiped his sweat from his forehead. It looked like he didn't even have the energy for a snarky remark anymore. It was the desert near Gongaga, and they'd been pulling and pushing a truck across it, but still it wasn't normal to be sweating in December. Cloud glanced up at the sun, shining innocently in the spotless blue sky.

When Red XIII got closer, a man suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Cloud blinked, trying to see where he'd come from, but the shades were too deep.

"Gatte," Red XIII greeted, voice unchanging, purring and with a slight echo. The man's eyes went wide.

"Nanaki!" He said. "You're safe – come on, you have to go see Bugenhagen – we've all been so worried about you!"

"Nanaki?" Cloud said, even as Red XIII leapt across rocks to the border of the hidden village. Gatte turned to them, smiling placidly and bowing his head forward.

"Welcome to Cosmo Canyon," he said. "Are you familiar with this land?"

"Well – no," Cloud said, looking back at the others. Yuffie was gaping at the place where Red XIII had disappeared to, Tifa was wiping the sweat off her forehead.

"I thought not. Well, let me explain a little bit," Gatte said. "People from all over the world gather here to seek the Study of Planet Life."

"So… it's like a – spiritual thing?" Yuffie said, narrowing her eyes.

"You could say," Gatte said, voice even and calm. It reminded Cloud of some people he'd known back in SOLDIERS; they were also calm, collected, in a bloody and violent way – their religion had been Shinra. Never wrong. Gatte continued, "We wouldn't normally let you in, since we are full at the moment. But you are here with Nanaki. So please, come in." He stepped aside to let them in. Cloud could see the cleverly concealed opening more clearly when he'd taken a few steps.

"Who is – Nanaki?" Tifa asked.

The man looked a little confused, but politely inclined his head. "Nanaki is the one you came with. That is his name."

"You mean Red?" Yuffie jumped, face distorting in either excitement or betrayal. "That's his real name?"

"Why didn't he tell us?" Aerith wondered. Barret grumbled incoherently like he didn't care one way or another; Cloud secretly agreed, feeling the drops of sweat rolling down the side of his face.

"Let's go and ask him," he said, and Gatte led them through rocks and maze-like jungles to Cosmo Canyon.

When they finally arrived at the outskirts of the town (after so many twists and turns and back-tracks that it all made Cloud's head spin wildly), Red – no, Nanaki – was waiting for them.

"This is my hometown," he said, jumping off from a rock he had been perched on. "My tribe were the protectors of these people."

"Protectors?" Yuffie said. Then, frowning, "But why didn't you tell us your real name?"

Nanaki brushed past Yuffie in a fluid blur of red, didn't answer her question.

"You said – your tribe were the protectors?" Aerith asked, following his shape with her eyes. Nanaki paused, nodded.

"Yes. My brave mother fought and died here, and my cowardly father left her. I am the last of my race."

"Me too," Aerith said, with no particular inflection. Cloud wondered what she was thinking. "At least, that's what Hojo's told me."

"Cowardly father?" Barret said, wincing. "Ain't that a little harsh?"

Nanaki looked at Barret, and made a noise that sounded like a snort. "No. My father was a wastrel."

"Does this mean –" Tifa said, hesitant. "That you won't be traveling with us in the future?"

There was a short silence. Not even Yuffie dared break it; the wind, the humid drops in the air, the shades and the sun – Nanaki nodded.

"This is the end of my journey. My mission is to protect this place."

"Then –"

Yuffie started to say something, but Nanaki interrupted her, leaping easily onto a rock that was twice his height. "Stay in town for a while," he said. "I'll ask someone to fix your car."

With that, he leapt onto another rock, down the road, and disappeared into the village.

Your car; so that was the answer.

This was to be the first goodbye, but there would be more. Cloud thought he was ready for them; had never been any other way, had never thought to find something that could last forever. Still, he wasn't very good at goodbyes.

The solemnity was catching. Yuffie bit her lips and ran after Nanaki (they had developed a strange camaraderie almost instantly, Cloud thought), and Barret grumbled something about finding a shade.

"You coming, Cloud?" Tifa said, looking back at the entrance of the town. She was trying to be casual about it all; then he remembered, she hadn't been that good with goodbyes either. Cloud shook his head.

"You two go on ahead. I'll catch up. Gotta talk to the mechanic."

Tifa and Aerith nodded. Aerith took Cait Sith in one hand and they left, and Cloud was left alone.

Alone; it felt like forever ago that he was last alone, although he had been alone most of his life. He had preferred it that way. Loneliness grew, nested, became his friend. Thoughts that went round and round, chasing their own tails – he couldn't remember why he'd liked it so much. Alone. It was so quiet.

He walked into the village, slowly, looking around at the town. There were some people out and about, but they were all very quiet, calm, polite and graceful. The entire village seemed almost transparent, existing in some other layer of reality where ugliness couldn't touch. The buildings here merged with the trees and rocks and earth. The sun was half-hidden by the canopy a little further in, and a cool breeze chilled his forehead.

He didn't like the quiet.

Needed a distraction; needed something to occupy his mind with, something fatally important or absolutely trivial, to think about, so he wouldn't have time to think about that.

But what was – that? He didn't really know; only that he didn't want to. So he wouldn't. He wouldn't think about that. Just a hole in the middle of his chest, after all.

You're running away.

"I know" Cloud answers, a little annoyed. "But I have no choice.

Oh, you have a choice.

The voice is so familiar; every curve, every syllable predictable. It is like looking at a mirror for the first time knowing that it is yourself staring back at you.

"What?" Cloud asks, casting around the complete and enormous darkness. "What choice do I have?"

Face it. Face the problem, Cloud.

"How can I face the problem –" Cloud says, feeling like he is closing his eyes in frustration. In truth, there is no difference to the almost-palpable darkness around. "If I don't even know what that is?"

There is silence. Cloud opens his eyes. "Hey – do you know? Do you know what that is?"

He feels hopeful – but it is too short, because too soon coldness cuts through his mind, stopping him, like a knife; brutally piercing and twisting in his heart. He just remembers that he doesn't want to know. It scares him too much.

That probably means that he already knows, just – doesn't want to – just not in words.

Thankfully, there is no answer from the voice.

"Cloud," Nanaki was saying. "I want you to meet Bugenhagen, my grandfather."

Cloud blinked; he felt he was out-of-context, somehow, that he didn't quite remember making it here. But that was absurd. He remembered seeing the tower in the middle of the town, the endless steps – Nanaki's quick darting guidance. They were in an observatory of some kind.

Bugenhagen was an old man, with a beard so pristinely white that it almost looked fake. He had the town's air of calmness and serenity, but there was also something wild about the twinkle in his indigo eyes. But grandfather – Cloud supposed that Nanaki was being figurative about that.

"Grandfather," Nanaki now turned to Bugenhagen. "This is my – friend – Cloud."

"A Shinra?" Bugenhagen asked, in a voice that was light and innocent. Cloud flinched anyway; the Shinra would never stop following him for the rest of his life, with the glint of green-blue in his eyes like a stigma.

"He used to be a SOLDIER," Nanaki said quickly, before Cloud found something to say. Bugenhagen nodded.

"A friend of Nanaki's is a friend of ours. Thank you for looking after him. Nanaki is still a child, you see."

"Grandfather, please," Nanaki purred, and Cloud thought he saw a little bit of Yuffie in his exasperation. "I am already forty-eight years of age."

"Nanaki's tribe has incredible longevity," Bugenhagen explained to Cloud. Cloud just nodded, politely; he couldn't think of anything to say. "So, you see, his forty-eight years would only be the equivalent of, say, that of a fifteen or sixteen-year-old human child."

"Like Yuffie," Cloud muttered, only to be glared at by Nanaki.

"Anyway, I am strong enough to protect you and the village," Nanaki said, turning his head. "I made it here, did I not?"

"As I understand, you had much help from your friends," Bugenhagen said, not unkindly but also firmly.

"We helped each other," Cloud said. Nanaki's eyes flickered to him, but as usual, Cloud couldn't read anything from his blazing eyes.

"You cannot stand on your own yet, Nanaki. Doing that now would destroy you later," Bugenhagen said. His voice was smooth and powerful. "Reaching up to the heavens, threatening to snatch the very stars from the great city of Midgar – you have seen it. But looking up too much makes you lose perspective. When it is time for this Planet to die, you will understand that you know absolutely nothing."

There was a kind of finality in the way he said it that had them both silent. Cloud didn't really understand what he meant, but – snatch the very stars from the great city of Midgar – that was ironic, wasn't it, because there were no stars in Midgar. At least not in the slums.

"When the Planet dies?" He finally asked, finding his voice. His head was throbbing a little; a strange scent in the air, from an incense. Bugenhagen smiled, slowly. It looked sad, Cloud thought.

"Indeed. It may be tomorrow, or a hundred years from now – but it is not long off."

"How do you know?"

"I hear the cries of the Planet. The sound of the stars in the heavens. The screams from the Planet."

Screams from the Planet.

And, as Bugenhagen said it, suddenly and clearly, Cloud heard it too.

It was a screech, long and painful, rumbling with the earth and the universe, all around them. No start and no end – it was like it'd been there all along, and Cloud had only just noticed it. It was a horrible sound. Condemning, resenting, chilling to the bone, frightening – loathing.

Cloud wondered if Aerith was hearing it all the time.

"This looks like a pub," Aerith said. Tifa glanced up.

They had decided to look for a place to rest their legs, and maybe get something to drink. Tifa wished they had brought Cloud – who knew what he was doing, alone, but then maybe he'd wanted to be alone.

The building looked much like the rest of the town – half-nature, with trees and sun all over them. Tifa didn't know why Aerith thought it was a pub, but followed her inside. She was probably right, anyway.

Aerith pushed open the door, which opened with an almost mute creak. The inside was dimly lit, but Tifa could make out the tables, a bar with clean glasses hanging from the ceiling panel, the bottles stacked high.

"Huh, it really is a pub," Tifa muttered, as she scanned the room. There weren't that many people (she hadn't expected to find many people anyway, this being a meditative town and all that); they must have been curious about Aerith and Tifa, strangers, but politely did not stare. Tifa found their deliberate disinterestedness a little disconcerting.

"But not like yours, probably," Aerith said.

"You know about – Seventh Heaven?"

"Mm. Cloud told me," Aerith smiled. Tifa wondered if she was wrong to be surprised about that. Cloud – and Aerith – but she stopped herself thinking. She walked over to the counter, instead, looked over the selection. Apparently, the strongest drink here was Cactus Wine, which was more like a colorful (and slightly alcoholic) juice.

"It's really sweet," was Aerith's verdict, after a sip. Tifa took her glass too, thinking that she wanted something clearer and stronger now, with all the heat. Summer had always been her least favorite season.

"You must be our guests. The ones that came with Nanaki," a rough voice interrupted them. An old gentleman was leaning against the bar, with the same colorful drink in his hand. He looked kind (as everyone did, here) and curious. Aerith smiled at him.

"Yes, we are. I'm Aerith, and this is Tifa."

"I'm Hargo," the man said, raising his glass. There were easy crinkles around his eyes.

"So, Hargo, what do you do here?" Aerith said, conversationally.

"My job is to gather all the legends and the knowledge of the Planet. I'm writing a book."

"A book?" Tifa asked. Hargo nodded, standing up a little straighter.

"Legends?" Aerith said. "So – I wonder if you can tell us something, Hargo?" She looked at Tifa then, like she should know, and Tifa blinked back at her. Probably it was the stifling humidity and the chilling shade, alternatively. It was making her head spin, and made it a little hard to concentrate.

"Anything. If I know the answer," Hargo smiled. Tifa could see that he was charmed by Aerith; everyone was.

"We want to know about the Promised Land."

And then Tifa understood Aerith's look. She leaned in a little too.

"The Promised Land," Hargo considered, but his face was already brightening. "I have theories. There is no one place called the Promised Land. At least, that's what I think. No – it doesn't exist."

"It doesn't?" Tifa asked. So Sephiroth was wrong?

"Well," Hargo amended," It doesn't exist for us, but it did for the Ancients. The Promised Land is the resting place of the Ancients."

Tifa couldn't help but glance at Aerith; but she only looked curious and a little thoughtful.

Hargo went on. "The life of the Ancients, as I understand it, is one continuous journey. A journey to grow trees and plants, animals, to raise the Mako energy… The place they returned to, after their long journey – that burial land is the Promised Land."

"We heard," Aerith said, in a mild voice. "That it promises supreme happiness."

Hargo nodded eagerly. "Supreme happiness? Yes, I believe, for the Ancients, it was the moment that they were able to return to their Planet. The moment they were released from their fate."

"You seem to know so much about the Ancients," Tifa said. Hargo laughed.

"They're fascinating."

Tifa thought it odd that he was referring to them as some kind of a – historical relic, an extinct species, a myth (which it would be, to him) – when Aerith was sitting right in front of him.

"Thank you, Hargo," Aerith smiled.

The door swung open, then, and a shrill voice cried, "I found him!"

It was Cait Sith, walking in with Cloud. Tifa couldn't help but laugh at the annoyed expression on Cloud's face, looking like he was being half-dragged into the pub.

"Good job, Cait Sith," Aerith laughed too. "Oh, hello, Cloud."

"We –" Cloud had to pause, while Cait Sith did a wild and noisy dance on top of his floating moogle (a victory dance, maybe) that had even the polite people of Grand Canyon staring. "We are going to leave now. The car is fixed."

"Okay," Tifa said. "Thanks, Hargo, for the story."

"Any time! The drinks are on me," Hargo laughed, heartily. Tifa was suddenly reluctant to leave this place; this quiet, unobtrusive, peaceful town – but they had a job to do. A bad man to stop.

Tifa's chair caught in the crack in the wooden floor, and she stumbled a little when she got up. Except, Cloud caught her before she fell. "Thanks," she smiled, and he let go of her arm. It felt strangely cold where his hand left her.

"I have some left, though," Aerith was saying, peering into her glass. "Oh, I know – Cloud, you want some?"

"What is it?" Cloud asked, but took the glass anyway. The liquid was bright red, clear as ruby; it would turn yellow, then orange, with time and the right light.

"It's called Cactus Wine. Come on, try it."

"It looks like a juice."

"Kinda tastes like one, too. Just – drink it, will you?"

"Alright, fine."

Tifa watched Cloud stare dubiously at his drink, which had now turned light yellow. Then he drank it all at once. Aerith laughed, led the way out of the pub. Cloud followed her. He looked back after a few steps. "Coming, Tifa?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Tifa heard herself say, and felt herself smiling. Cloud nodded, then they were walking again.

Tifa stared at their backs. At his light blond hair, half-hidden by the giant sword on his back; her soft brown braids. His black sweater and her pastel pink dress. The way she laughed so easily, the way he smiled with his eyes.

"Aren't they so pretty together?" Tifa murmured, without meaning to, to Cait Sith. Cait Sith bounced a little, looking at her curiously.

"You're pretty too, Tifa," he said. Tifa had to smile.

"Thanks, Cait Sith."

Nanaki was watching them go. They were not out of the village yet, but they would be soon. Right now they were looking for Yuffie; wherever the annoying little girl had gone off to. Nanaki tried to tell himself that he would not have any regrets. And he wouldn't. Not – regrets, anyway. He was doing what he was supposed to. Maybe with a little bit of imagination, he might miss them sometimes. But he was prepared.

"Nanaki." Bugenhagen called from behind. Nanaki jumped, because he hadn't heard him come. Grandfather moved like a ghost. Nanaki remembered that Bugenhagen had turned one hundred and thirty this spring.

"Grandfather." Nanaki answered. Bugenhagen looked at him for a while, just looked at him, and then he cleared his throat. A rare occurrence, when he hesitated like that, but even that lasted just a few seconds. He was soon back to his smooth voice – flowing like a river, as Nanaki had always thought.

"Nanaki, I want you to continue your journey with Cloud and the others."

"Grandfather?" Nanaki blinked, surprised. Bugenhagen looked down at the village, too. At the small dots that were moving about noisily, looking for Yuffie. He spoke slowly.

"Cloud tells me that they are trying to save the Planet. Honestly, Nanaki… I do not think it can be done."

Nanaki didn't say anything. Bugenhagen looked at him for a while, then continued.

"For even if they stop every reactor on the Planet, it is only going to postpone the inevitable. Even if they stop that man – Sephiroth, everything will perish. But Nanaki, I have been thinking lately." He looked back at Nanaki. And Nanaki knew that grandfather had already made up his mind, and Nanaki would have to go. Not because he would force him to, but because it probably was best – grandfather was wise. Nanaki inclined his head.

"I have been thinking if there was anything we could do, as a part of the Planet, something to help… It is already in so much pain. No matter what happens, is it not important to try? Am I just wishing against fate?" Bugenhagen laughed, softly. Nanaki returned his gaze to the village below. It seemed that they had found Yuffie. They were now making their way to the gate, someone already out there to guide them back. There they would continue to fight, to fight against everything they knew, for everything they believed in. They were strong. Warriors, Nanaki thought.

"That is why, Nanaki, you must go with them. For my sake." Bugenhagen concluded.

Nanaki finally nodded.

"I will see to what is happening to the Planet. And I will come back to tell you."

A lingering goodbye, but not for too long, he hoped.

"I will come back." He said again, and then jumped down the rocks. Wind swished by him in a familiar rush of howls. He landed right behind the group.

Cloud heard him first, even before Nanaki landed. Their eyes met, Mako blue and ocher.

"I'm coming too," Nanaki said. Cloud asked no questions, just nodded. Nanaki appreciated that.

"I knew it!" Yuffie yelled. Tifa and Aerith smiled, Barret raised his eyebrows. Nanaki wanted to look back to where Bugenhagen still must be, but he didn't. He was going to see grandfather again. Until then –

They continued North, all of them, fighting for the impossible but still fighting. Trying.

And who knew? Maybe Bugenhagen, as wise as he was, did not know everything. Maybe they would save the Planet.