Hey there good people I don't know, I hope all of you out there are diggin that I'm back and updating. I know I am, I have truly missed the feel I get when I check my email, and there all of you are ready to review, even if it is only two of you so far. I do truly love afrozenheart a loyal and dear virtual friend I have cherished from the very start of A New Twist, and my new minion evil midget 06. Please all of you bear through this next chapter with me. It really isn't normally what I write, and NO it isn't sex though I'm sure all of you would love that. It's just something different; hopefully different in this case is good.
Her shoes squeaked lightly, and Danny cringed. He had had a splitting headache for what felt like a millennia, but the truth was it couldn't have been more than twenty minutes. Since the doctor had told them that there may be a problem with one of the babies. That he couldn't find a second heartbeat, his nerve endings had clenched and wouldn't relinquish the hold. He had tried to reassure them that ultrasounds weren't always correct, that he was almost positive the heartbeat was there, but the machine was faulting. He had left them to retrieve another machine and doctor, to make sure it was the machine or his ears. As he stood to leave the room, he had put a hand to Danny's shoulder and told him that their children were going to be fine, but there was still that word, probably. It had clawed at his stomach since he had left, his children were probably perfect. He understood the reason, he could be sued for giving a parent false hope, he had to do the same thing at work. Interviewing suspects using noncommittal words to keep potential lawsuits from ever coming to light. Until that moment he had always thought that the use of those kinds of words was fine, because they kept him in the clear. Being on the other side of the glass now, he hated himself for ever doing it to someone else.
Lindsay's hand had come over the sides of her belly the moment Dr. Mason had paused, and stuttered for a moment. Spluttering about, trying to find the words to say, to try and salvage whatever was occurring. She rubbed a soothing pattern down her stomach, trying to calm them and herself. She wanted to stay calm for their sakes, but she hadn't stopped since and it had gotten significantly worse in the last five minutes when she had asked Danny what was taking so long and he hadn't had an answer.
Danny glanced again at the door, attempting to stare trough it to try and see what would be taking him so long. He had already tried to will the good doctor to come faster, and that hadn't worked, he had prayed briefly, but to no avail. Finally he settled for staring at the door, like it would somehow help. A small hand came over his shoulder, and he touched it with his absently, rubbing a soft pattern out on it, but not looking up at her. His feet tapped out an unconscious quick rhythmic beat, as had been his own tick since the moment he had skirted out the door.
The hand became insistent, and it gripped his shoulder tighter as she turned him around in the small spinning stool the ones that were always in doctor's offices. For a long moment all he did was look at her stomach, since he had discovered the existence of another life inside of Lindsay he hadn't been happier in all his life, of course he hadn't been more scared either, but the elation of the discovery severely impaired his ability to grasp the fear as anything to take note of. And ever since he had discovered that not one, but two of his children had been brought to life and were growing inside the woman he had fallen a little bit in love with the moment he had met her. The possibility of not having them hadn't ever crossed his mind.
And now when they were so close, to think that one might not be. He felt his heart being pulled, and threatened to be ripped from his chest by a grief previously unknown to him. His hands came up and covered both of hers, which had wrapped back around her stomach, cradling both of their children while they still could. He could only remember feeling like this at one other time in his life. Feeling like the wind had been knocked right out of his gut, and he might never recover. Like his entire life could end and he wouldn't even care, or perhaps it already had and he couldn't be bothered to even notice. The moment Lindsay had walked out of his door, and he had thought it would be for good.
After long and uncounted minutes, he looked up at her. The tears were brimming up in her eyes; they had been since the doctor had left. At first they had gripped each other's hands desperately, and her other had been rubbing over her stomach as she stared at the ceiling. They hadn't said anything for a long moment, after which Danny had tried. He had stuttered incoherently because he knew he should be saying something, that he should be holding it together, saying something to keep Lindsay from crying. It was what his father would have done, he hadn't always been there when Danny or Louie when they had needed him, but he was there when his mother had been on the verge of a breakdown. It had been in those moments when he had been willing to forgive more of what his father did because for all his faults, he had always been good to his wife.
But he had had nothing. What could you say? He remembered being little and at a funeral for a miscarried baby. A friend of his mothers, they had gotten up that morning and his mothers eyes had been blood shot. She had ordered him and his brother back upstairs for showers and to put on their nice suits, Danny had watched his mother for a long moment as Louie argued that he couldn't do anything that day, that he already had plans to go out with his friends and he couldn't cancel. His mother had snapped at him, turned around from the sink and yelled at him to once listen to her the first time she asked him to do something. She had been wearing a nice black dress, the one she only wore with Midnight Mass on Christmas. But her hair was wild, flyaways in every direction and her normally prim and tight bun had come loose and several long strands were curling at her nape. Her cheeks were flush, and her eyes were redder than the devil, Louie had instantly tried to apologize searching the entire room for something to say, but Danny had only watched. After a long uncomfortable moment their father had come behind the boys and with a firm had on both their shoulders turned them around pushing them lightly up the stairs.
When Danny had come back downstairs his hair still wet at the tips as Louie had pushed him forcefully out of the bathroom and had taken his towel to use for his own shower. His mother was still in the kitchen.
"Ma," He said quietly, moving into the kitchen slowly, afraid she might yell at him too. She turned to look at him, her eyes still red and her face still flush, but the anger that shone brightly in her eyes had vanished. Replaced only with sadness and grief though he hadn't known it at the time. All he seen was his mother broken and hurting.
"Come here figlio mio," she said, turning to sit in the kitchen chair, and beckoning him forward. He smiled happily, before casting a glace over his shoulder looking for Louie, he didn't care if five really was too old to want to sit on your moms lap, but he did care that Louie thought so. He wanted his brother to think he was tough, so he could run with Louie's crew and he couldn't do that if he was classified as a sissy and a baby. His mother laughed lightly, "He's still in the shower, don't worry."
Danny smiled at her, and moved swiftly over to her, she faux groaned when he climbed up into her lap and it made him laugh. She pulled him into a tight hug and lent down, "You know I love you figlio mio, so much." He nodded and hoped she would call him her favorite. She did that sometimes, whenever Louie was wreaking havoc and she didn't know how to handle him anymore. She would come to Danny pull him close to her call him her favorite, perfect son. She didn't say this now, but he knew it was true and so he didn't feel too cheated.
He nodded as she kissed his forehead, they had sat there for a long time, and at some point Danny realized she was crying, a tear had hit his hair and sunk through to his scalp. He hadn't moved, just sat there staring at his kitchen wall as his mother clutched him and cried. At one point he had heard the shower cut off and he had looked up at the ceiling. His mother had wiped briefly at her eyes and slacked her hold on him, giving him the option to leave. He had turned to face her and wrapped him arms around her neck, he had been trying to make her feel better. He didn't want her to cry, but she had only cried harder after that, he had been about to pull away and apologize when she had pulled him closer again, kissed his forehead and told him she loved him.
Louie's loud footsteps had come down the stairs some time later, and Danny had cringed waiting for the response his present position would get him. He had turned his head to face Louie head on, but he had rounded the corner and looked at his brother quietly regarding him. Before he nodded to him as he slid his suit jacket over his shoulders.
Their father rounded the corner not two moments later, and clapped a rough hand on Louie's shoulder. He cringed; Danny and Louie had never spoken about their fathers forms of discipline. Perhaps if they had then things could have been different, they could have looked out for each other better, but they didn't. Whether it was Louie's pride or Danny's youth. Their conversations never went beyond a look shared over breakfast the morning after a particularly bad evening. When Louie sported a slight bruise under his left eye and Danny's shoulder was sore for days.
The casket had been so small. This was the most vivid and terrifying memory of all. Small and white, innocence, Louie had murmured in answer to Danny's whispered question. All the other funerals he had been to were for his family members, those had been black. He had supposed that was because they weren't innocent of anything, they hadn't been for a long while.
"We're gonna be just fine." Danny said finally placing his hands over her stomach; Lindsay watched the ceiling, laying back her heart beating erratically, "All of us." She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears from them because she wanted to see Danny right now, see him before the doctor came back. While they were all still one, perfect family.
What would she tell her mother? It was the only thing she had been able to think clearly since the door had clicked shut. Her mother had been whipped up into frenzy since that stick had turned blue, she had wanted to laugh the moment they had turned it over, because her mother had breathed deeply in her ear.
"Oh, Lindsay." The word perfect was still swirling in her ear, and her heart stuttering out a terrified beat. Her hand clutched Danny's like it might be the only thing in the world she would ever feel again, and she didn't ever want to let it go. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had heard her mother speaking excitedly, but it was under water, as were her limbs. Deep underwater, and she was wading through kelp, everything was groggy and disconnected.
Her hands came down to her stomach unconsciously, she had rubbed it softly and tried to breathe. Eyes closed she wanted to block out everything, everything but the way she felt. A little queasy, tired, her joints were aching. Had she felt like this in New York? She didn't think she had. She was tired there, but she was always tired, maybe a little achy sometimes, but not queasy, not like this. And she certainly hadn't felt like she was holding another life within her, growing another person.
Something like that was too big, you would know the instant it happened, and something would have had to change within her. Why, how did she feel exactly the same? It didn't seem right; it didn't feel normal to feel normal just then. She turned around as quickly as she could, which turned out to be in centimeter increments until she face her family fully. The small stick held loosely in her hand. She watched each face carefully in turn.
Don stood tallest and he had a quiet, almost serene smile and it calmed her nerves a little bit to see it there. Her father's frown cut so deep into his mouth that his forehead was creased in the middle and her heart hurt that she had put it there, for a moment he stared at the stick and then looked at her face. A small twitch of his lips, and a flick of one eyelid in a wink and she felt her shoulders relax. She pictured her brothers who were elsewhere, but would arrive home later. Their normally long, expressive faces always lost their spark whenever news came unexpected, especially Luke's. She imagined them staring at her for a long moment, flickering to Danny briefly, but mostly just watching her. Until wide grins broke out, and their teeth yellowed lightly by tobacco flashing as her as they wrapped her up.
If her mother had looked pleased, beaming and clasping her hands close to her heart. It was nothing compared to Syler's face. It had gone sheet white while they had crowded the bathroom, her hand wrapped around Don's waist and her head tucked up under his chin. But when Lindsay looked at her now, her cheeks were flush and her eyes flashing, she had left the security of Don's side, but he still kept a hand wrapped around hers. Grounding her, even in the moments when she knew her sister would have rather been in the clouds, bounding over all the others, straight to nine and two quarters, a cloud all of her own creation.
After a tense moment, Lindsay had turned it around to all of them, showing them with their eyes, what they had all already known was true. Then it had happened. A strange sound was thrown at Danny and Lindsay, violently assaulting their sense of hearing, as well as the others in the small, presently overcrowded hallway. Syler closed her mouth from her strange, yelp, scream hybrid and took up the small stick and dancing around with it. Before she seemed to remember the mechanics of the way that a home pregnancy test worked, and she appeared like she would drop it. But rethought it, and instead handed it back to her sister carefully.
Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, as the tense moment had been broken, "I'll go make some cobbler." Delilah said swiftly pulling Lindsay into a hug, tugging Jethro along after her into the kitchen. Syler was staring at her hand, seeming to regret not thinking her actions through for the first time in a long time, but Don smiled, taking her up untainted hand and pulling her with him to the upstairs bathroom. Murmuring something about getting her cleaned up, she giggled and turned back at the stairs to look at her sister. They shared a brief moment, before her jade eyes disappeared through the slats of the stairs.
Her back had been to him the entire time, though she hadn't stopped thinking about him. Her knuckles were white within his hand, and it had proved a constant reminder of his presence beside her. At last she felt him moving, shifting to stand in front of her, his eyes watching her carefully, gauging a reaction within her that no one else had thought to look for.
It was one of the things that she had fallen in love with about him, since she was young she had been able to shut off a certain part of her emotions from every situation, hiding them from anyone who tried to see too far within her. But she had never been able to with him, it was as though the fact that she was trying to hide something hadn't even registered with him. He had seen right though it without her permission, and without even trying too.
She wanted to look away from him, have a private moment to herself to process what was happening within her, but somehow she hadn't been able to. Her eyes had come up to meet his, and they searched for a bare moment. Before they softened impossibly, and his other hand came up to her cheek. His lips brushed her forehead and she smiled as he tucked her head beneath his chin.
"Perfect Montana."
She turned to look at him as his warm hands covered her belly and she thought again of her mother. The way her face would fall, she would shake her head, she would cry and inevitably she would blame herself. It was some form of defense mechanism against everything, if everything was her fault, and then there could never be conflict.
There were footfalls outside the door, and Danny brought his hands to her face, as he leant over her. He kissed her as the door handle started to turn and open, bringing in the world with all of its hardships and evils to impose on their one perfect moment. He kissed her as her hands cradled her belly, and she begged her children to be alright. He kissed her as she closed her eyes, and her first tear slid down her face.
So, um, that was kind of intense. I'm not really sure what came over me just then. I know it isn't normally what I write, but I was realizing that nothing had really happened with the babies in a while, or the pregnancy. And I didn't want the story to be one big fluff piece, so, um, yeah. Intense is kind of a good word for this. Sorry if it got on peoples nerves, but there it is. Leave me a review anyway?