When they're alone, Lucas turns to her, eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hair.
"Should I even ask?"
She groans.
"If I said no, would that stop you?"
He deadpans.
"No. What happened?" He asks, voice low.
"Boy followed me down stairs. Boy got a little handsy. Josh to the rescue, not that I needed him." She ticks the points off on her fingers. Lucas's face turns stormy.
"What do you mean handsy? Are you okay?" He's suddenly very close to her, fingers under her chin, eyes sweeping her body.
"I'm fine." She swats him away. His eyes are dark on hers, and she shivers a little. Having Josh this close was confusing. Having Lucas this close drains every coherent thought from her head. "Back off, Texas." She warns him, voice barely a whisper. He does, dropping his hand.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there." His regret is obvious. "Zay came in to tell me that he was leaving, him and Vanessa got in a fight or something, and-"
"Hey, it's all good." Maya cuts him off. "Josh was here." Besides, she can take care of herself. He knows that by now. Then again he still won't let her ride the subway at night, so maybe he doesn't.
"Hmm." Is all he says, jaw clenched. She takes that in with interest.
"Something wrong?"
He shakes his head.
"Come on." He mutters, grabbing her hand and tugging her down the hall. She doesn't say anything about that, relishing the feeling of his hand in hers. One of these days she's going to have to get a grip on these feelings, just not tonight, when she's full of beer and rum and daydreams about her future.
He swings open the door, and they stumble into a room nearly as packed as the upstairs, people crowded around a group playing Rockband. Riley is on the drums, doing surprisingly well. Farkle is sitting on the floor beside her, texting. Maya waits for the song to finish, then walks over.
"Wow, you gave Dave Grohl a run for his money." She says, dropping onto the carpet next to Farkle. Riley claps her hands, clearly more drunk than Maya.
"Peaches!" She shouts, giving Maya a hug. Lucas raises an eyebrow at Farkle.
"You let this happen?" He asks, sounding more amused than anything else. Farkle sighs.
"She snuck off with Charlie and came back like this. I was too late."
Maya's lips twitch. Riley is a ray of sunshine when she's sober, and drunk she becomes a caricature of herself. It's always entertaining, if a little exhausting.
"Maya." Riley says seriously. "You should sing." She presses a microphone into her hand.
Maya's about to protest when she hears someone shout behind her.
"Jailbait!"
She swivels around to see a blonde girl and a redheaded boy approaching.
"Hey." She greets them, cringing internally. This is quickly turning into one of the worst parties she's been to. Her friends are hovering curiously behind her, so she introduces the newcomers. "Guys, this is Emma and Sam. They're friends of-"
"Josh's." Lucas guesses, looking like he's fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Hi, I'm Lucas." He holds out his hand. The others introduce themselves as well.
"Maya's going to sing." Riley announces, and Emma grins.
"Oh, good. I haven't heard you sing since karaoke night at the pub."
Lucas leans in, whispering in her ear.
"Did they call you Jailbait?" He asks. She bites her lip.
"They all called me that." She whispers back. His face is stony when she turns to look at him. Wanting to break the tension, she turns to their lead guitarist, a guy she had Biology with last semester. "So, what are we playing?"
He glances at the screen.
"Next up is Are You Gonna Be My Girl."
Of course.
"Set it up." She tells him. Riley squeals in delight, nearly toppling off her drummer's stool. He does, and as the song loads, Maya whips out her flask, deciding she's not nearly drunk enough for this yet. She hands it over to Farkle when the lyrics scroll down the screen, her palm sweaty on the mic.
1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me,
Because you look so fine,
And I really want to make you mine.
She's not used to the rough notes, she's a crooner if anything, but her voice finds the sweet spot and soon the whole room is on it's feet.
Big black boots,
Long blonde hair,
She's so sweet
With her get back stare.
Riley bangs away on the drums beside her, and she's happy, again, just like that. Her eyes fall on her best friend, flailing away beside her, and Maya knows she'll miss this like a hole in her heart.
Uh, be my girl,
Be my girl.
Are you gonna be my girl?
The song finishes to a roaring and somewhat rowdy audience. As Maya takes a sweeping bow, along with Riley and their guitarists, Maya realizes that at some point Josh snuck back into the room.
Emma and Sam are cheering beside her, and she laughs.
Riley's cheering too, turning in circles. Suddenly, she turns a little green, falling over sideways.
"Oh." Maya leans over her friend. "You okay, Riles?" Riley shakes her head.
"I don't feel good."
Maya sighs.
"Time to get you home." She waves Lucas over. "Do you want to get her into the truck? I'll meet you there." He nods.
Farkle gets up too, following them out. Maya watches them go, then walks over to where Josh is standing.
"Hey." She says. He smiles.
"Hi. That was quite a performance."
She blushes despite herself.
"Thanks. And I just wanted to say thank you, for earlier."
His smile falls away, replaced with concern.
"I'm sorry about Aiden, we shouldn't have brought him." He murmurs. Maya looks at her feet.
"I can take care of myself, you know." She tells him, looking back up at his face. He smirks
"Oh I know. I'll never forget the time you punched that guy on the subway." His eyes light up at the memory, but Maya winces.
"You ended up with a black eye because of that." She reminds him. He doesn't seem to mind.
"You were worth it."
She misses him. It seems pointless to deny it. But she doesn't miss him the way she used to, with a longing like physical pain. It's faded, she realizes, more than she knew.
"I…" She can't think of anything to say. "I think I just wanted to talk to you." That slips out accidentally, the liquor loosening her tongue. He looks surprised. "Not because, um, you know. But I just…" She trails off. "I should go."
He nods, and to her surprise, pulls her into a hug.
"I miss you, too." He whispers. And for some reason that doesn't hurt. It washes over her like a deep breath, a relief. Closure.
She pulls away.
"Bye."
The stairs are a little harder now that her flask is almost empty, and she stumbles at the top. A strong pair of hands catch her right before she hits the floor.
"Thanks." She mutters. Lucas lets go, but she wobbles, so he just wraps an arm around her waist.
"Ready to go?"
She nods.
He helps her outside, and opens the truck door. She just blinks at him.
"What?"
"I think I need help getting in." She admits. He snorts, gripping her by the hips and lifting her easily into the truck.
"Thanks, Hercules." She smiles to herself, buckling in.
By the time they get to the Matthews', Riley is asleep. Maya leans back, shaking her awake.
"Riles. Wake up."
The brunette snuffles, then slowly sits up.
"Home?" She asks sleepily. Maya nods, then jumps out of the truck. She'd ditched her shoes on the ride, and it makes it a lot easier to support her unsteady friend. Lucas trails behind them as they make their way up the stairs.
"Are you not wearing shoes?" He asks. Maya shrugs, her arm around Riley's waist.
"You're so observant."
"There could be glass. Or needles. Or-"
"An annoying overprotective Huckleberry?"
His sigh follows them into the elevator.
"Why do you always have to be so-"
"Awesome, amazing, incredi-"
"Reckless." He mutters. She stares at him in surprise.
"You think I'm reckless?" Something in her tone makes Riley upset.
"Don't fight." She mumbles. Maya pats her on the shoulder.
"We're not fighting, honey."
The elevator doors open, and Maya prods her forward.
"You always fight." Riley sighs. "But it's not like when we fight, you know?"
Maya doesn't know, actually. She holds out a hand to stop Lucas.
"You should probably wait out here. Matthews isn't going to be happy." She tells him. Reluctantly, he stays back. Maya swings the door open, and just her luck, Topanga is sitting on the couch. She looks up when the girls come in, taking in the way her daughter is swaying with every step.
"Maya?" She asks, warily. Maya sighs.
"She's fine. Just a little too much…dancing."
Topanga doesn't buy it.
"Mhmm." She hurries forward, and stands in front of them with her arms crossed.
"Mom?" Riley asks.
"Yes, dear."
"I don't feel good."
Topanga fights a smile, then sighs.
"I think tomorrow morning is going to be punishment enough." Maya suggests. Topanga rolls her eyes.
"Alright. I've got it from here. Thanks for bringing her home."
Maya hands the limp brunette over to her mother.
"Do you have a ride home?" Topanga asks, as Maya turns to leave. She nods. "Then we'll talk about this tomorrow." There's a threat there, but that's nothing new.
"Okay. Sorry." Maya feigns remorse as she dashes for the door. Lucas is waiting outside, leaning against the wall.
"Good?" He asks. She bites her lip.
"Um." She says. But he seems to get the message.
"Farkle just texted me. He's going to take the subway to Smackle's."
Maya narrows her eyes at him.
"Oh so Farkle is allowed to take the subway at night." She mutters, pushing past him into the elevator. "But I-"
"You are a girl. Who looks like that." He retorts. Maya blinks. The elevator shudders as it hits the ground floor.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You know what it means." His voice is low and deep, she can almost feel it against her skin. Maybe she does know, but she wants him to say it. The doors open, and he walks out, leaving her to follow him to the car, a little dazed.
"Lucas-" but she breaks off as something sharp pierces her foot, and she screeches in pain.
"What?" He whips around to find her sitting in the middle of the road.
"I…" She grimaces. This is going to turn into an I-told-you-so.
"You stepped on something, didn't you?" He asks, eyes scanning for cars as he makes his way over to her.
"No." She sticks her chin out stubbornly.
"Maya."
"Fine. Help." She holds out her hands. He sighs, and ignoring her outstretched hands he scoops her into his arms. "What are you doing?" She asks. The swaying motion as he carries her toward the truck makes her head spin.
"I'm helping."
She leans back against his chest, sighing.
"Six." Her voice is muffled by his shirt. It smells like him, and a little like Riley's perfume. She wonders if he carried her to the truck like this too.
"What?"
"I think, on my buzzed to blackout scale, I'm a six."
The liquor is hitting her hard now, and she groans as he sets her down inside the truck.
"Great." He mutters. "Show me your foot." She sticks out her tongue.
"What kind of fetish-"
"Maya."
She shows him her foot. It's dark, and she reaches up to turn on the inside light in the truck. When the light clicks on, Lucas swears.
"Jesus. What the hell did you step on?" His fingers are light on her foot, gentle, but its burning and aching and stinging all at the same time. She squints against the haze in her mind, and sees that her entire foot is smeared with blood. Her stomach turns.
"I don't know." She says queasily. He looks up at her face, studying it.
"I just want to make sure it wasn't a needle or something. Don't move."
She makes a face, because they both know she's not going anywhere, and then he disappears back onto the road. The seat is cold against her legs. She shivers, and then once she's started she can't stop. She looks in the back for her jacket, then groans. It's still at Jenny's.
"Good news. It was just a disgusting rusted Pepsi can. I hope you've had your Tetanus shot." Lucas says, climbing into his truck. "Are you okay? We'll clean your foot up at my place."
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"Because," he turns the key, sighing when the engine dies. "I can hear your teeth chattering from here." Once again, he turns the key, and the engine turns over before falling silent.
"Come on, Blue." Maya pats the dash. Lucas fiddles with the ignition and it roars to life.
"Of course." Lucas sighs, rolling his eyes.
"She likes me." Maya grins. Then she shivers, violently. "It's cold."
Lucas frowns at her, eyes flicking toward her foot.
"Uh, it's not far. Here." He grabs his own leather jacket from behind him, and throws it at her. She pulls it around her shoulders, but it doesn't help much. It was already cold from sitting in the car, and the shivering just gets worse.
"You drive…like…Pappy Joe." She manages, her teeth chattering. Lucas snorts, but his forehead is creased in concern, and the truck speeds up.
"Pappy Joe drives like a crazy person. Memaw on the other hand…I used to pass her on my bike."
"I'm sorry." Maya says, gaping at him. "Did…you say…Memaw?" Her words are barely legible due to the shaking and the chattering, but he purses his lips.
"Probably shouldn't have told you that."
"Mmm." She acknowledges. They pull up outside his building. This time she doesn't even try to get out on her own, even dulled by the alcohol the pain in her foot is tremendous. Lucas hops out and comes around the truck to get her.
"Woah." He inhales when he picks her up, one hand around her waist the other under her bare legs. "You're freezing."
"I told you." But he's warm, deliciously so, and she snuggles into his chest. She slides one hand slightly under the neck of his shirt.
"Shit!" He yelps. "Your hands are freezing." Her eyes are closed, but they're swaying again, so she knows he's walking.
"You're warm." She says happily. Then a burst of warm air hits, and she opens her eyes. They're in the lobby of his building, the doorman glancing after them in concern. "Geoff's worried."
"You know the name of my weekend doorman?" He asks.
"Of course. Geoff and I go wayyy back."
"I think you're drunk."
"I think you're right."
They stop in front of his door, and he frowns. He doesn't seem to want to put Maya down, but-
"Where are your keys?" She asks.
"Back left pocket."
She maneuvers her arm around his waist, sliding her hand into his back pocket. Her grin is automatic when his eyebrows shoot up. Her fingers close around the keys and she pulls them out. Lucas turns a little, to angle her toward the door, and she fits the keys into the lock, then swings the handle open.
"Voila."
He snickers.
"You're wasted. I'm surprised you could even get the keys in the door."
That earns him a blow to the head, and he staggers. Maya groans again at the movement, she's starting to feel nauseous.
"Where's your mother?" All the lights are off, and it's too quiet for anyone to be here. Besides, she doubts Lucas would let her make all this noise if his mother was sleeping thirty feet away.
"Texas." He doesn't elaborate. She wonders about that, about the way his jaw tightens when he says it. Maybe she shouldn't push it. But his arms are still wrapped tightly around her, and she can't help but feel it's her turn to help.
"Visiting your dad?" She asks quietly. His parents have a complicated arrangement, one he doesn't talk about much. Once, after him and his mother had gotten back from a weekend in Texas, she'd seen the bruises on his upper arm. It was just a flash, then his sleeve covered it, but that was an image she'd never forget. And she'd never told him she knew. Maya knows better than anyone that sometimes you keep secrets for a reason.
Lucas looks down at her, thoughtful.
"Yeah." He walks them into the bathroom, setting her down on the side of the tub. "We've got to wash this off." He says, gesturing at the mess of blood and dirt that's began to dry on her foot. Reaching around her, he turns the faucet, and Maya sticks her foot under the stream. The water heats up quickly, and she hisses as it hits her cut.
"Fuck!" She jerks her leg away from the water. There's no one to direct her anger at besides Lucas, so she hits him again.
"Would you stop?" He grumbles. "You don't want this to get infected."
Reluctantly, she sticks her foot back under the tap, gritting her teeth. The water runs muddy, then red, then as close to clear as it's going to get considering how much her foot is still bleeding. She pulls it out, swinging her legs over the other side of the tub. Lucas grabs a towel and dries her off. There's something strangely intimate about it, her watching him as he works the towel over her foot. She knows he feels it too, because he refuses to look up at her.
"You know, I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be brown hair." He says, still not looking at her. Maya stares.
"What?"
"Your song? The Jet one? It's supposed to be long brown hair. You said blonde." He mutters, setting down the towel.
"Did I?" She watches him pull some antiseptic and bandages out of the vanity. "Fancy that."
He finally looks up, smirking.
"So you did do it on purpose, then."
She shrugs. When he dabs at her cut with a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol she resists the urge to kick him.
"Ow!" It comes out as a snarl.
"You should have worn shoes." Apparently, he's abandoned any pretense of sympathy.
"They're hard to walk in." She whines.
"I bet. Probably harder when you're drunk."
"I'm not drunk."
"You said you were a six."
"Well now I'm a two."
"I don't belie-"
"Why did you break up with Riley?"
Everything, even the air in the room seems to still when she blurts out that question. She can't take it back, but she wants to. He's right, she's drunk. His hands, on her foot, stop.
"Maya." It's a warning. But she seems to have lost all control of her mouth.
"Don't you love her?"
"Of course I love her." He sighs, and she knows it's true. That should stop her, should shut her up. That's what she wants, is for Riley to be happy and Lucas to be happy and they're happy together, they've always been, but-
"Then why?"
"Because I don't love her like I love you!" He shouts, eyes burning, and Maya can't breathe. He doesn't mean that, he can't-
"You don't mean that."
He doesn't say anything. Maya wants to take that as him admitting that she's right, that he doesn't love her, because this is going to change everything, but she knows him better than that. He means it. She can feel it, and the weight of that threatens to break her in half. Part of her wants it, wants him so badly that she sometimes can't believe she's been able to hide it for so long. But the other part of her would die before she would hurt Riley. And she can't imagine a universe in which this wouldn't do exactly that.
"Say you don't mean it." It's supposed to be a command. But her voice breaks, and it's pleading at best. Lucas swipes some Polysporin over the sole of her foot, then wraps it in gauze.
"If this hasn't stopped bleeding by tomorrow, you'll probably need stitches."
"Say it!" She shouts. She's never wanted anything less in her life. But she has a duty and there are rules. And maybe Maya has never been one for rules, but this time Riley is at stake and some rules aren't worth breaking.
"I can't. You know I can't." Now he just sounds weary. His eyes drift up to meet hers. Sometimes she can see herself in them. Right now, they're filled with that same raw, broken, ache that's threatening to hollow her from the inside out. His fingers are still curled gently around her foot. The pain there is nothing compared to the one blossoming in her chest. She's tired, and drunk, and normally she is so good at keeping this hurt locked firmly away. But her eyes are burning, and this time she just can't help it. Her vision blurs, and then she feels the first tear fall. She wraps her arms around herself, fingernails digging into the skin of her biceps. She's stronger than this.
"Maya." Lucas sighs. "Do you want me to take you home?"
She opens her mouth to say yes, take me home, please stop touching me.
"No." Once again, her tongue betrays her. But it's almost a relief. The last thing she wants now is to be alone.
"Okay." He picks her up again, carrying her to the bed. "I'll sleep on the couch."
That's not what she wants either, but there are still lines they haven't crossed yet, and she's holding on to that with everything she has. He hands her a clean t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. She eyes the pants suspiciously. They're much smaller than the ones she got last time, and nowhere near his size.
"Whose are these?" She wonders aloud.
"Mine. From fifth grade." He says, flopping down on the couch. She stares at him.
"What? Why do you still have these?"
He shrugs tiredly.
"I don't know. They'll probably still be too big." She's sure he's right, which annoys her for some reason.
"Freak." She mutters under her breath, and it almost feels normal. His back is turned, so she changes, dropping her skirt and shirt by the side of the bed. His sheets smell like him in the best way, and that feels like penance as she crawls underneath them. He turns off the light, and they lay there in silence.
"If you didn't remember this conversation in the morning," he says quietly, "I would understand."
She doesn't know what to say to that. It's almost the out she asked for, but she finds she doesn't want it so much anymore.
"Goodnight, Lucas."
"Goodnight, Maya."
They'll have to deal with this in the morning, one way or another. As she closes her eyes, it occurs to her that one day soon, Riley will be on the other side of the country. And Lucas and her will be the only ones left.
There are rules.
But maybe the rules are about to change.