Rebuilding Ruin

Disclaimer: I don't own the 100 or its characters

Spoilers: All episodes of Season 1 and 2

Clarke watched her mother and Kane survey Lexa as they sat eating a simple meal around the fire of Tondc. There was little doubt they wondered why she refused to remove her war paint in their presence, especially given that there wouldn't be a battle that required it occurring at any moment. Of course the sky leader knew most of all that her mother wondered why Clarke refused to sit beside Lexa at dinner, choosing to sit by her mother instead. It was rare that she would separate from Lexa, especially after her return from being held by the Ice Nation. The blond didn't have the heart to tell her mother that Lexa and her were having one of their biggest fights yet and that the reason Lexa refused to remove the war paint was because of the black eye that lay healing underneath it.

"I shall retire, tomorrow we rise early to begin our journey to the Dead Lands." Lexa stood and turned to the tent that lay only a few feet away.

Abby looked to the side at her daughter, "you should get some sleep too Clarke."

"I'm fine Mom." Clarke put down her empty bowl and stared at the fire.

"What happened between you and Lexa? You were practically inseparable the last I saw you and now you barely speak to each other."

Clarke shrugged, "we're not seeing eye to eye is all."

"As I told Bellamy, speak with her before you regret it. I can't believe I'm saying this but we're going into a dangerous area and none of us may survive so speak with her before you find yourself unable." Abby reached over and squeezed her daughter's hand. "I know what it is to live with regret and wish you could have said more than what you did. Don't make the same mistake I did because your anger drives you."

Kane nodded, "go speak to her Clarke, she is your wife and no doubt wants to work things out as you do."

Clarke sighed and stood, "fine but I assure you I'll be out here soon enough."

Entering the tent, Clarke made her way to the small personal area they'd set aside despite it being only a simple tent with bed rolls and a few things here and there. A strategy table consumed most of the tent but considering they were at war it was expected. Pushing back the curtain, Clarke saw Lexa sitting on the bed of furs wiping the pain from her face. The skin beneath was healing but one could still tell a fist had connected with the skin days before.

"What do you want Clarke?" Lexa looked up at her and Clarke sighed, sitting down on the bear fur to look at her wife. "I believe you said you no longer wished to speak to me unless it concerned our people."

The sky girl gave a soft huff, "and you really believed that? I was pissed off at you for what you did so I said some things in anger."

"I believe your anger was demonstrated effectively." She motioned to her face and Clarke edged herself forward and raised a hand to gently prod the healing skin. "So I ask again Clarke, what do you want?"

"I want peace between us, I want our union to be as it was." Clarke pulled her hand back and looked down, picking at the bear fur. "I want to move past everything and be stronger."

Lexa dropped the rag into the water and pushed the bowl away. "I was once told that if one ever struck me, I was to put a sword through them no matter who they were."

"Would you really do that? Could you kill me?"

"No," The voice was truthful and Lexa pulled Clarke's chin up. "To harm you would harm me too greatly. I deserve your anger but you were correct that I should not have struck you as you should not have struck me. We harm one another and we have destroyed our union."

Tears filled Clarke's eyes, "what are you saying?"

"What we had can be no more Clarke. You are my kwin and wife, beloved to me and the clans but I can no longer allow you to share my bed or fulfil more than a council roll. Our union is in name only due to us both breaking our vows and harming one another." She dropped her hand and pulled away. "Please leave Clarke."

"Lexa…"

"Leave Clarke."

Clarke stood and wiped the tears from her eyes, leaving the privacy area to rejoining her mother and Kane. Abby narrowed her eyes as Clarke sat down by the fire, her arms curled around her and her head bent. The girl's shoulders shuttered and a soft sob broke from her, causing the physician and chancellor to move to her daughter.

"Clarke?"

The girl looked up to see her mother. "I screwed up Mom, I screwed up really bad."

"Honey just give it time."

"Lexa said it was over, our marriage is over because we broke our vows and harmed one another." She let a sob go and curled into her mother and Abby pulled her close. "I love her, I didn't mean to do what I did but I was so angry. I tried to talk but she insists we can't go back because of what we did. I just want her back, I want my wife back."

Abby looked over at Kane and the man rose, heading towards Lexa's tent. He entered to find the leading warrior starring at the map that lay on the strategy table. At his purposely loud shuffle inside her head went up and the candle light did nothing to hide the bruising on the woman's face. She moved around the table and stood straight, waiting for him to speak.

"It's none of my concern but perhaps you should rethink your decision to separate from Clarke."

"You are right Marcus, it is none of your concern. What occurs between Clarke and I is between us, it is not the matters of others."

Kane put up his hands, "I understand but she's in tears right now. Clearly she's remorseful for whatever occurred between you and willing to work through it."

"What you fail to understand is due to your ways of life. You move from one union to the next without concern to the parties involved. Our unions are for life and while some are destroyed due to circumstances, it does not mean those involved simply stop caring for the other."

"So what do you plan to do? Allow Clarke to suffer because you both fought and threw a few punches." He motioned to her face, "remorse and love can help mend what was broken. Regret will take over if you continue on this path."

Lexa turned to look at the table. "As I said, you fail to understand due to your ways of life. Trikru are known for their prosperous and life-long unions, only a handful each generation fail to succeed in creating a union that lasts till death. Our ways include starting over when a union is destroyed."

"So you'll move on from Clarke so easily?"

"I did not say with another." Lexa's eyes burned with fire when she turned to him. "Renewal must be built on a new foundation instead of the ruins of what was. Clarke will come to understand in time that I have not abandoned our union but I seek to renew it by starting over. I will slowly court her again, gain her love and eventually our union will renewed once again with sacred vows."

Kane nodded as if understanding. "She's in tears, broken at the moment so give me something to tell her."

"You are not her father, it is not your concern."

"Perhaps but I care for her as if she is my daughter and her mother tasked me with coming to you. No doubt because Abby knows I'd have a clearer head and not allow my anger to consume me."

Lexa nodded to him, "then tell Clarke that with time comes hope of renewing what was lost."

The ride in the morning was silent as dawn broke and horses and warriors on foot started towards the Dead Lands. Clarke rode beside Lexa in silence, looking ahead with tired eyes and an equally broken heart. Kane and Abby remained in Tondc to head back to Camp Jaha in order to begin repairs, several of Lexa's guards rode behind them till they met up with Ryder and Indra after their delivery of Dara to the Dead Lands.

"You look as if you did not sleep." Lexa spoke softly and Clarke turned to look at her. "If you wish to rest, you may join me and relax."

Clarke looked back ahead, "I think you've made it clear that you and I are only to have a counseling roll towards each other. I wouldn't want to blur the lines by being too close Heda."

"Clarke in time you will see that hope is not lost and we can renew what was. I am merely doing what must be done and separate from you so we can both calm our anger. Trikru start over when we break our vows and focus on rebuilding on a new foundation instead of ruins. In time I shall court you again, regain your love and one day we will take our union vows once again."

Blue eyes met hers and Lexa saw a softness in them that wasn't present minutes before. "You don't have to regain my love, it's still there."

"Our anger and fear consumed us, we must grow apart and come together once again without it. Have hope ai kwin that one day soon we shall find our union once again full of happiness."

"Okay." Clarke let the whisper go and looked ahead.

"Do you wish to ride with me and rest?"

Clarke shook her head, "I'll rest when we make camp on the border."

"If that is your wish." Lexa turned her attention forward and tightened her hand around the reins to ignore the urge to reach out to Clarke.

Night drifted on and they reached the border that separated Trikru land and the Dead Lands as the moon set high in the sky. The tents were pitched and Clarke found herself on a bed roll feet from Lexa in the tent they shared with several other female warriors. Clarke allowed herself to gaze at Lexa as the woman rested on her back with her hands across her belly.

"Sleep Clarke, we ride as soon as the sun rises."

Clarke propped her head up as she watched Lexa turn her head to look at her, eyes open. "It would be better to cross at night. The heat won't be as a bad on the horses and it will help us conserve water as the sun won't cause evaporation."

Lexa looked back up at the tent ceiling, "I will take it under advisement and make my decision in morning. For now though we must sleep."

Closing her eyes, Clarke allowed herself to curl under her fur-lined cloak and rest. It was still winter and despite being on the edge of the desert, it was still cold. Without the body heat of Lexa, she felt it twice as much as usual so she attempted to suppress the shiver that ran through her. A weight fell on her and she opened her eyes to see Lexa laying a spare fur over her, bands laying nearby signified it was the fur that the woman used a pillow. "Thanks."

"Rest ai kwin." Lexa smiled at her softly before laying back down, resting her head on her arm.

Dawn came and Lexa ordered everyone to continue to rest as they would travel at night to conserve water and to keep the horses healthy. Clarke sat with her sketchbook on a rock looking out at the desert, drawing the dunes and ruins she saw. There was no doubt that the lands before her were once part of the nuclear blast zone. A hand on her shoulder made her turn to see Lexa holding out a small bowl of dried meat and nuts.

"Thanks." Clarke took the bowl as Lexa sat beside her, placing a thin cloak over her shoulders, raising the hood over blond hair. "Is that really necessary?"

"Your skin is unaccustomed to the heat and sun in such measurements, you will injure yourself if you are not covered." Lexa looked out at the sand dunes. "I was nine winters when Anya first brought me here, telling me of what occurred and why I must lead my people."

Pulling the dried meat from the bowl, Clarke placed it aside. "Have you ever crossed it?"

"During my phase of rebellion, I was thirteen winters and Anya insisted that I leave Costia in favor of my people. I told her if I could not have Costia then I would not have my people. Costia and I ran towards the City of Light, childishly believing we would be free but all we found were the glass mirrors." Lexa smiled softly, "upon finding the glass mirrors Costia berated me for being childish and abandoning our people. She said that we abandoned them for nothing more than legends and that without me they would find only danger and death. She insisted that we enjoy our journey back and separate upon our return with knowledge our hearts knew each other for a short time rather than knowing each other for life at the expense of our people."

Clarke looked over at her, "I'm guessing Anya didn't mind her after that."

"Anya realized upon our return that we gained knowledge and allowed us to be together as long as I did not sacrifice my people. Costia once told me that my heart must be sacrificed before our people for one person is not worth thousands."

"She was wise."

Lexa nodded and turned to Clarke, "I believe if she were alive she would have agreed with you on most topics. Her loss three years later was a loss of guidance I failed to have again until you gave it to me."

"I'll always be here to give you guidance when you need it, even if we don't exactly get along at the time." Clarke smiled and looked back down at her bowl. "You can have these, I find myself tired of Jola nuts."

"The taste is bitter I know but you must eat Clarke, they will give you strength." Lexa pushed the bowl back to her and looked out at the dunes, the sun casting a wave of color as it set on the horizon behind them. "We must start our journey soon, the crossing takes five days."

The first three nights of travel, Clarke found herself glad for the reprieve from the heat that they slept through every day. However, it also meant that clothing changed quickly to accommodate the heat and temperature. It was vast change from the freezing winter that they had left behind. The evening of the fourth day Clarke dug through her bag and found one of the spare dresses she'd taken from Polis, it was similar to her blue one but not as ornate and the dark brown was perfect for the desert.

Lexa found her giving Stella water, pausing beside the horse to look her up and down. Clarke saw green eyes in the moonlight shine with admiration. "I was hot in the pants and shirt so I changed."

"It suits you although I prefer your blue dress as it matches your eyes." Lexa took the horse's reins and Clarke mounted the black animal. "It has been four days since we began our renewal, have your feelings changed at all?"

"Have yours?" Clarke challenged her. "I'll staying right here Lexa, I want my wife back in every capacity and I'll do what has to be done to get her back."

Lexa nodded, "as do I, progress is a long journey but we will reach it eventually. I already feel our emotional connection growing each moment we sit and talk. I find we are talking more than we did previously."

"There's not much else to do." Clarke chuckled as she reached out to steady Nat's reins, allowing Lexa to climb onto the animal. "I mean, we are in the middle of a desert without anything to distract us."

A nod was what Clarke received as Lexa rode through the broken camp, surveying the progress as warriors began to line up to continue the journey. Once everyone was ready the leader joined Clarke and they began to lead their army once again. They had a single journey left once they made camp in the morning and Clarke could honestly say she looked forward to arriving at the so called City of Light.

A/N: Lexa is trying to do things according to custom but no one understands the custom as things on the Ark were different than on the ground

Next: Next they come across something completely unexpected and it makes them wonder what exactly they are up against.

Please read and review...