So I'm updating today instead, because I'm had a slight schedule change between both my jobs, so it works better for me to update Mondays. Alright, 'member that angst I was warning you all about in the AN of the last chapter? Yeah, this is a little taste, which I'm going to soothe in the chapter immediately following this one. But please fasten your seat belts, and keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle. I'm afraid this ride is going to be bumpy, and not very fun at all.

Danny arrived shortly after Lindsay had been admitted, and she was slightly surprised he hadn't flashed his badge in his desperation to bypass all of the procedures to get to Lindsay. Syler had declined the invitation to wait in the room with Lindsay, her anger and shame outweighing her desire to be with her sister. She felt guilty about it, but it didn't cause her to return to the room, and Lindsay hadn't seemed all that miffed by her leaving to begin with.

With the doctors go ahead, Danny rushed by quoting the room number aloud to himself, and made it to ten feet before he turned around and ran back to her. Enveloping her in a hug before she had a chance to brush him off, he pulled her tight against him, and Syler was on the verge of tears, but he didn't notice.

"Thank you for being there for her." He told her quietly, squeezing her one final time before pulling back. He saw the tears brimming her eyes, and mistook them as being the same as his own, tears of happiness. He jogged down the hall and paused outside her door. Running his hand over his face, and breathing deeply, swiping quickly away at the back of his neck, before he disappeared into the room.

Her whole body hurt. If Danny was here Don couldn't be far behind, her chest was shaking at the thought of seeing him. She didn't know how she was supposed to not tell him, Lindsay had been right. If she didn't say anything to him he would know something was wrong.

Nothing is wrong. Her mind shot out harshly.

She moved to sit in a chair before her knees buckled under her, she felt sick. She should have told him, she realized it now; she should have told him and faced the consequences. Then they could have been going through it together, maybe not happily, but he wouldn't abandon her. Whatever else she thought she knew, Don wasn't a coward. Maybe he didn't want to have children with her, but he wouldn't have abandoned her.

The door flew open and raven hair came into her vision, her heart lurched and panic took her. She would certainly be sick. It wasn't him, it was some other man, walking quickly with a woman who was being brought a wheelchair, and usher around, he looked after her with an expression of worry and breathless anticipation. Her whole body hurt.

She dropped her head into her hands, and sighed. Staring at the floor tiles beneath her feet she wondered what was happening in Lindsay's room, what they were talking about, whether or not Lindsay was in pain, how her pain was affecting Danny as he stood idly by know that he had helped create the pain and was helpless to stop it.

Her hand found its way to her stomach, and she rubbed a hand over it carefully, almost lovingly. She wondered if she looked like Lindsay had in the restaurant, if she seemed serene. Or if people could see what a mess she was. If Don would know.

Another wave of nausea hit her head, and she dropped her hand from her stomach, she had to stop thinking about him if she was going to ever be able to get though the day.

"Sy?"

She closed her eyes slowly, and couldn't help but feel the weight of irony rest on her neck. Sitting back slowly, she looked at him. His voice had sounded excited, and gleeful, but now his face was expressionless. Her mouth opened to say something to him, say anything to him, but the sounds died in her throat and she felt the familiar tightening just behind her tongue; the kind that always led to tears.

"What's wrong?" He said quietly. Not moving to sit beside her, but continuing to tower over her, with his hands in his pockets; careful to keep emotion from his face. She looked like deer in the headlights. Blind, and bound to cause some damage.

He knew. Of course he knew, she didn't have to give him the silent treatment, and she didn't have to pretend like everything was okay. He always knew.

The words were on her tongue, all she had to do was open her mouth and they would tumble out come what may. But her lips remained together by a will she didn't think she consciously controlled. And Don's stare wasn't helping matters. He tightened his lips at her silence and looked at his shoes, he was angry. Her chest clenched as he looked back up at her, not angry, disappointed, which she felt was certainly worse.

"One hundred percent honest?" He pleaded lightly, and her heart broke, she dropped back in her chair, and wondered how she ever thought she could lie to him, to his face. To tell him everything was alright, and act as though this morning at the doctor's office hadn't ever happened. To continue on in her relationship with him, facing the stark fact that she knew he didn't want to have children, at least not hers.

This was their pact; they would always be honest with one another. That no matter what they would tell each other the truth. It was the only way that it would work. They had watched Danny and Lindsay almost give one another up because they didn't think they could talk. They hadn't wanted that with one another. But now she knew that she couldn't give him up, and if he knew that she had hidden this from him, and lied to him about it. She might lose him forever.

She looked away from him, staring at the wall to her right, it had a picture of a woman holding a baby swaddled in a yellow fabric. She wanted to cry.

"What room are they in?" He asked suddenly.

Looking back at him she found his eyes, and cringed. They were full of hurt, and the sight made her chest concave. She had hurt him, anger at her decision to not tell him she could have handled, but he wasn't, he was only hurt.

"217." She managed passed the lump in her throat.

He nodded absently, and looked down the hallway at his right, reading the small plaque of numbers that gave his destination, "Well if you decide you want to tell me, you know where I'll be."

Her heart was breaking, and she was turning away from her. He would let her have her secret, "Don." She said quietly, and he paused not turning back to look at her, but when he spoke she could hear the hurt that she knew still lingered in his eyes.

"I don't understand why you can't just tell me; one hundred percent honest." He repeated.

She stared at the back of his head, "You wouldn't want to know." She mumbled.

His head snapped around, and she saw the anger she had expected shining in his eyes, "I wouldn't want to know!" he said drawing the attention of the nurses at their station, "Syler, I want to know everything there is about you! Every aspect of your life, I want you to tell me about. The good and the bad, I love you." He had walked back over to where she sat with her hands in her lap. The anger faded from his eyes, and worry replaced it as he sat down suddenly beside her, "Don't—don't you love me?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation, "Yes of course I love you." Her voice was adamant, but she could see that he was wary of her answer and a wave of guilt crashed down on her.

"Is there—"he paused and stared down at his hands, which were clenching their way into fists, "Is there someone else?" His voice was tight, and he seemed pained to ask.

"No!" the thought of there, being someone else was ludicrous, the only reason she couldn't tell him was because she might lose him; that she might have to settle for having someone else, "No, I don't want to be with anyone else, ever." She reached across and took his hand. He seemed to relax at her touch, but he didn't turn his palm up to hold her hand and he didn't let out his fist, "You have to understand, that you won't want to know this."

"Well I love you, and you love me, and there is no one else. So I guess I don't understand." He said harshly, moving his hand out of her grasp.

The weight of the motion was damning. A physical representation of what would take place if he knew, she would reach for him and he would pull away. He wouldn't want her anymore," I'm—I went to the doc—"

"217?" A voice sounded in front of them, a man with dark brown hair and a white coat, was rounding the corner walking briskly, and turning his head to watch the nurse's station.

"Messer, Lindsay. 217." The woman confirmed, and he gave a small smile before, walking down the hallway.

Syler started to rise from her seat, "We should—"

"We aren't done talking about this." He said quietly standing with her, and taking her wrist to slow her motion.

She let the warmth of his hand seep into her, and felt the stinging prick of tears at the corners of her eyes, and it made her nose hurt, "We are right now." She told him firmly, and she wished she had the strength to pull away from him, but she didn't, "She wanted us both to be there." She told him softly, and much less firmly.

Hoping that he had the strength to drop it, because if he pressed she would break. She would tell all, and then lose him; she hoped he would pull away.

He glanced down the hall and watched the doctor disappear behind a door, smiling as he entered. His hand fell from her arm, and he felt the loss of it in his gut, he didn't like not being able to talk to her. But she right, Lindsay had wanted them both there. He moved passed her, and felt her eyes watching the back of his head, heard her footfalls behind him as they walked.

Pausing outside the door, he turned to look back at her, his hand poised just over the handle, "We aren't done talking about this." He pushed inside, and she moved in behind him. Smiling brightly to everyone in the room as she did. Like everything was great, and this day would be happy, like all that was on her mind was Danny and Lindsay and the Messer babies to be, like she wasn't dying on the inside.

Eek! *Peeks head out* Did we all survive? Is anybody hurt? No, just me? What do you mean they're fictional characters, and I need to calm down?! No, you need to calm down! Hey, don't walk away from me I'm talking to you pal! Yeah, you in the red shirt, I saw you! No! No! Don't touch me, he can't talk to me like that! *pulls mic from under shirt* *muffled voices*

**fade to black**