I supposed it's high time we dive back into Don's world. We had an angsty one last chapter, I hope that all of you are understanding of Syler's indecision over telling Don. If you aren't, then all will be reveled shortly. All I will say now to help clear some things up for you, if you find yourself confused, is that past experiences have a way of coloring our visions of what is happening now. I don't know if that made sense, or just confused you more. But anyway, read on, and please, forgive Syler.

Don's fingers were clenching and his knuckles turning white. It had been a month. A whole month and they hadn't spoken, until this morning. Well not spoken, she had texted him; he had given her space since the twins were born, as much as it killed him to. He hadn't gone out of his way to see her, and he tried his best not to be angry with her. He knew logically that whatever it was she didn't want to tell him would have to be big, but it still hurt. That she felt she couldn't come to him.

A muffled latch and Danny's face appeared before him, a small individual in his arms, "Donnie." Danny smiled lightly at him, hoping to bait him into response with the long hated nickname; he had been so down lately having some problem with Sy. Some problem which he gathered Don didn't know the details of and Lindsay wouldn't tell him everything of.

Instead, his friend stared up at him, like he didn't really see Danny, "She's gone." Don whispered and his expression crumbled, his eyes were swelling with an unidentifiable emotion, the likes of which Danny had never before seen Don express. He stepped aside and ushered him inside.

"Linds," Danny called softly across their apartment, throwing a furtive glance to his son in response, but he suckled at the pacifier in his mouth and didn't seem to take not of the disturbance, "Don's here."

They waited in the silence that followed for some conformation, but none came; with a furrowed brow he looked to Don and shrugged, "I don't know here she got to, she just took E.J back there to change him." At the mention of his other son, Don looked down at the baby in his friends arms, "I'll go find her, you wanna…?"

He motioned the baby in his direction, and Don obliged, hoping to lose himself in entertaining the boy for a few minutes that was all he needed was a few minutes not to think about her.

Danny moved quickly out of sight, and Don moved to sit on the love seat. Looking down he was startled to find Ezra staring up at him with wide curious eyes, "Hey big Z." Don said seeming to startle the small child with his voice.

The eyes stared at his mouth, paused in his worrying over the pacifier, waiting to see if more noise would come from him. Quickly he grew bored, and was fisting at his blanket, squirming uncomfortably.

Don bounced the baby lightly, stroking his back and he quieted, resuming sucking on what appeared to be a favored possession. He glanced over his shoulder and turned an ear to the hallway. He could hear them murmuring, he knew they were discussing him, he knew Lindsay knew why Syler had left. He had to know, when the text came his heart lifted. He was sure they were going to talk; they were going to work through the problem. They would be the exception; this would be the one instance in which giving someone space would work out for the better.

But he read the short words, cold and uncaring of him and his feelings. He stared down at them, reading and rereading until everything was unfocused, and they began to sink in.

'I need some time to work some things out. I'm okay, but I'm going back to Montana. Please don't try to come after me.'

He had sent at least a half dozen texts rapid fire, but she hadn't replied to any; he just hoped that she had read them. Initially he had wanted her to tell him because she trusted him, and wanted him to know, but at this point he would settle for a good guilt trip if it got her face to face with him again.

There was a sharp cry, and the voices died out. Danny came around the corner followed closely by Lindsay, holding the baby. They both wore unreadable expressions, as they watched him. Slowly they walked around either side of the love seat and seated themselves in the arm chairs in front of him

"Hey Don." Lindsay said smiling pitifully at him.

He opened his mouth to reply, but his reason for being there slammed into him, and it crushed his chest. The words of that text message, and the realization that followed it, "She's gone." He repeated. His father's voice wormed its way into his head, and told him he was being weak, pain panged in his chest, but he shut it out.

Danny and Lindsay shared a look, but don didn't look at them, he watched Ezra looked up at him, "Don…" Lindsay started.

"You know why she left." It wasn't a question, he knew without a doubt that Syler wouldn't escape the city without telling her. One look at Danny and Don knew he knew something, not as much as Lindsay. But whatever Danny knew, Syler hadn't been the one to tell him. His internal deduction faltered, he hoped Syler hadn't told Danny, confided in Danny, when she couldn't muster it with him.

"I'm sorry." Lindsay said softly. It didn't help, all of them knew, but what else could she say.

Don's throat was tight, and felt raw like he had been screaming, "Why?" he did his best to summon anger. To ask the question heatedly, and with a tight jaw. But it had broken him, his voice was staccato and barely above a whisper.

She started to bounce E.J in her arms for no real reason, and waited a beat before answering, "I can't tell you." She told him, almost as though it were an apology.

His heart sunk, further down into his chest, and he wished he wasn't holding the baby, so he could clench his hands into fists; let his nails bite into the beds of his hands painfully, use the pain to fuel anger and start a furious fire in his belly. Instead he looked down at Ezra. The child looked up at, his eyes turning glassy, and closing slowly, perched just on the edge of sleep. Don wished he could sleep, he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since they day before the swaddled individual in his arms was born. Since the last time he had held Syler in his arms, the last time she had told him she loved him unsolicited; the last time he had been foolish enough to believe that someone as beautiful, and caring, funny and good, could ever truly love a man like him. His heart shattered at the same time Ezra's eyes slid shut and didn't open. Don loved her as sure as he breathed, and now he had done something to lose her, and he didn't know what it was, but he would never forgive himself for it.

His father was right, he had been weak; all his life he hadn't been strong enough to help and protect the people he cares about. But Syler helped show him how to be strong. He couldn't lose her; he needed her, "Please." He all but begged, he had to know what he had done.

Lindsay cast a furtive glance to Danny, who was watching Don's turmoil with a helpless expression, "Syler," all three of them cringed at the sound on her name, "Syler asked me not to say."

Don hadn't expected anything less, he knew that Syler would tell Lindsay something like that; and he longed to beg her to tell him, but he didn't want Lindsay to break Syler's trust in her, the way he obviously had. He was nodding without realizing it, "I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be apologizing for." He said softly, not sure if he was talking to the grown Messer's before him or the peaceful new born Messer in his arms.

The grown Messer's shared an uncomfortable look, as the squirming child in Lindsay's arms let out his first cry of outrage, without discussing it Danny took the baby from his wife, giving them all an apologetic look, "It's time for their naps," He smiled as he passed seeing his son sleeping, "You want me to get him?" he asked offering an open arm towards to baby.

But Don shook his head and Danny moved away, Don decided he like the warmth the child provided, he felt strong holding him, like he could and would protect him from anything.

"You didn't do anything," Lindsay said quietly, and Don looked up at her, "Why she left, it wasn't anyone's fault," Lindsay spoke slowly, choosing each word carefully lest she miss speak and give Syler away, "But the way she's choosing to handle everything isn't fair, and it most certainly isn't your fault."

Don couldn't decide it this made him feel any better or not, after a moment he decided it didn't and wouldn't until he spoke to Syler. Abruptly he wanted to be alone, he had gone to her apartment after her text had come in and seeing it he felt the loss of her, after some pointed badge flashing the landlord had confessed that she was still paying the lease, but she wasn't going to be living there for the foreseeable future. He had felt in that moment more alone that he had in his entire life, he longed for his mother in a way he hadn't since he was a kid, but it was be chilly in the cemetery and the sight of her grave would be his true undoing. He thought of his sister, but the last time they had spoken it and ended in a vicious fight, and he wasn't sure they were over it yet. Then he thought of Lindsay, one of three platonic women in his life, and the most likely to have answers, just not the kind he wanted to hear.

He stood and Lindsay followed the motion, holding out his arm to her, she took Ezra, tucking him securely into her chest, and he moved silently towards the door, "Don," he turned to look at her, slowly rounding on his heel, "Don't worry. She'll come around; I know she wants to tell you, she just doesn't know how."

He didn't nod, just stood there for a long moment to appease her, before he turned without a goodbye. Leaving with a distinct slump of his shoulders, and a down turned head.

Lindsay ached to tell him, she knew that he loved Syler, and would love their child through everything. Even if Syler didn't think don would, Lindsay knew; whenever Syler decided to tell him, he would wrap his arms around her, and tell her, he loved her, and everything would be okay. She just knew.

Are we all appropriately sad? Do we all want to know why Syler has reacted this way? If you answered yes to both those questions, then keep your web browsers tuned to this page next week, and you'll be one step closer to discovering all the mysteries I have in store for you guys. Reviews are well and always appreciated, and I would love to hear from some of your guys how you are feeling about things right now.