Rebuilding Ruin

Disclaimer: I don't own the 100 or its characters

Spoilers: All episodes of Season 1 and 2

TRIGGER WARNING: MISCARRIAGE

Lexa stood watching as Clarke lay asleep in their bed, the tears of the previous night dry on her face. A year of peace had passed and with it new births had come, some combining the clans together. Villages had risen, trade was flourishing but despite all outside their home, they found themselves pained continuously. Lexa knew the night before a decision had been made, one that pained her but the pain of the past six moons had been entirely too much on them both. They showed strength and happiness to their people but inside their home there was only tears, anger and sadness. She was unsure if her bond with Clarke could survive unless painful decisions were made.

Moving to the bed, she laid down beside her wife and held her. The slight swell of Clarke's abdomen was avoided, too painful as she threaded her fingers through the blond's own. Clarke stirred and she turned over slightly, opening her eyes for Lexa to meet sleepy blue.

"Hey."

"I did not mean to wake you, rest if you wish."

Clarke shook her head and sighed, "I'm sorry about what I said last night."

"I do not wish your apology, I do not deserve it. I have pained you greatly and my desire for a child has torn you. I am agreeing with you, no more attempts shall be made. We have lost three children, the gods do not wish us to bear life and I fear you were right that it is our punishment for the innocent lives we have taken." Lexa leaned her forehead against Clarke's own. "You are mine, all I need in this life and perhaps the next life will grant us a child."

Tears filled Clarke's eyes as she nodded, "I wanted him, I wanted him so much Lexa." She started crying and the brunette held her.

Her thoughts went to the week prior, Abby had arrived in preparation for a medical procedure that would allow them the knowledge their child was healthy and not impure. Everything had gone well, Clarke had been herself that evening as she talked to her mother about what they planned to do to make Clarke's room into one for their child. Then the pains had started in the early night the day after Abby's departure, Nyko and the other healers present had blamed the girl's mother but Clarke assure them it wasn't. The child was tiny, barely big enough to fit in her hand and Lexa could only prepare a tiny pyre for the child after Clarke had fallen asleep. She prayed the gods watched her child's spirit and gave Clarke strength. They had both been broken when Abby had relayed the news over the radio two days after that the baby was healthy and it was a son. They'd both been heartbroken to tell her the child was no more.

"As did I and he is with the gods, his spirit free and in the next life he will live." She kissed Clarke's head, remembering the previous time Clarke had endured the loss of a child shortly after they'd agreed to ask Abby for assistance. Two attempts had been made, one with each of them as Abby assured them at least one child would survive. Both had been lost and while Lexa mourned the child she had carried, she had set her sights that the child in Clarke would have her strength enough to survive. Its battle ended during the night two weeks after Lexa endured her own loss. "I know all our children will live in the next life."

Clarke nodded and smiled, "for once I hope your gods are real and they will. I keep wondering what color their eyes would have been, blue or green."

"Yours." Lexa nuzzled hers, "and I would have been unable to deny them as I am unable to deny you. Our son would have been like you, gentle and strong with a heart that spoke to those he healed. I believe that the gods chose him for the next life because his spirit was too gentle for this world, he would have endured pain at the sights around him."

"I think so too." Clarke buried her head under Lexa's chin. "I think so too."

Months passed and life returned to normal, Lexa watched as Clarke began smiling at the children in Polis instead of being saddened at the sight of them. She watched as Clarke started teaching them to speak English in the evenings at the center of the city, a class of children ready to learn the Sky People's language. Shadow always by her side, guarding her when Lexa wasn't there and for once Lexa found herself preparing trade routes and yearly peace talks instead of preparing yearly war councils.

The people fought over goods not land, the Ice Nation's young queen visited Polis with gifts of meat and furs exotic to the people. She bowed before Lexa, no qualms in doing so and even smiled at Clarke, telling her that her friends had a daughter they named Clara in her honor. Clarke smiled and sent a wolf pup back so the baby would have a friend, something Lexa found amusing.

"I was thinking," Clarke spoke softly as she wrapped her arms around Lexa's as they walked down the street of Polis towards their house. "You and I should go away for a few days, a little retreat into forest and spent some time at the waterfall you showed me."

Lexa smiled softly, "is there a reason you want me alone?"

"Have my way with you or slit your throat," she looked at Lexa playfully, "haven't decided which yet."

A smirk crossed the brunette's face as she leaned in to whisper. "I believe I can give you reason to have your way with me instead of slitting my throat."

"Hmm, you'll have to demonstrate that tonight." Clarke looked at her, "that is if you're up for the task."

"My queen doubts my skills at persuading her?"

Clarke chuckled and brought Lexa's hand to her lips, "never!"

They found Abby in the house, it was a surprise as she hadn't been there since the medical procedure three months prior. They found her pacing the kitchen, clearly anxious about something but she paused at seeing them shut the door.

"I was wondering when you girls would get home." She hugged Clarke then Lexa, the leader of the clans having grown used to inescapable action in private. "I think you both should sit down for what I have to say."

Clarke looked at her mother, "Mom whatever it is, just tell us because you look like a deer who saw a hunter."

Abby put her hands up, "first I want to apologize…"

"Mom, what is it?"

"As you know I was using Mount Weather technology to help you two have a baby." Abby watched Clarke sit down and look at the ground. "Clarke…honey I'm sorry, I failed I know."

Lexa put a hand to Clarke's shoulder and looked at Abby, "perhaps we should speak about this privately."

"No, I'm okay." Clarke looked up at her wife. "It just brought back some of the pain, it'll be something I'll never be able to escape so I have to learn to live with it." Turning to her mother she spoke, "go ahead."

Pulling a chair over, Abby sat down and took her daughter's hand. "The technology wasn't designed to handle the genetic changes both of you have. They are slight, so very slight but the combination of genes created multiple genetic mutations the technology couldn't handle. I didn't see it till I examined the baby's DNA closer, trying to find out if there was a reason you didn't carry to term. It removed the mutation that protected the babies against the radiation."

"So you're saying we both miscarried because the radiation was too much on the pregnancy?"

Abby nodded, "I am so sorry, honey you don't know how sorry I am."

Clarke looked up at Lexa, "he spirit was too soft for this world."

"This is fixable." Abby looked at them both, "if you want to make one more attempt. I won't be able to combine your genes like we had hoped but I can perform a regular in vitro. That is provided you have someone to help."

Lexa tilted her head as she often did when confused, Clarke saw this and smiled. "We'll have to find a father, someone willing to donate."

"I see," she bent down beside Clarke. "I told you that I agreed with what you wished. I do not wish you more pain Clarke, if this is what you desire then I shall stand beside you."

"The same goes for you too Lexa, we can try again with you." Abby put out but Clarke shook her head.

"No, I held our son and I want that again." Clarke looked between them, "you're sure this can work?"

Abby nodded, "as much as chance goes with pregnancy."

Clarke looked at Lexa, "does Ryder's family have good blood?"

"No, he has had several impure in his family." Lexa tilted her head, "my village is south of Tondc and my family has had no impure since the second generation. If our child is to have my blood, my family would be the next choice."

Lexa paced the small area outside the Infirmary of Camp Jaha. Clarke had insisted that Lexa wait outside while she spoke to her mother, confirming the work they'd put their heart into for four months wasn't in vain. Clarke emerged and Lexa went straight to her, starring into her eyes to see worry and concern.

"Clarke, I am here if you wish to speak." Lexa touched Clarke's face and pulled her close, Clarke seemed to allow it instantly. "I mourn our child and pray the gods are a comfort to it as we cannot be there with it."

Clarke pulled back and shook her head, "no it worked, I'm still pregnant and my mom says the results will be ready in a few days."

That seemed to have the brunette confused. "Then why do you look as if you mourn?"

"Because I'm worried about our children."

"They are with the gods ai hodnes, the children do not envy their sister or brother."

Clarke took Lexa's hand and placed it on her swollen abdomen, slightly bigger than it been the previous pregnancy at three months. "Two Lexa, my mom put two in to make sure one survived but they both did. We have two children and I'm worried about them."

"Two?"

Despite the worry Clarke grinned, "yeah it's twins."

Lexa pulled Clarke to her and held her, "they are strong and will take their breaths while you hold them."

"Promise me they'll be okay."

Pulling back from the blond, Lexa lifted her chin up with a finger. "They have your heart ai kwin and you survive through any battle placed before you. They will breathe and be held in our arms, running with the children in Polis in the coming years." Smiling the brunette tightened her hold around Clarke's hands. "I shall be beside you every moment you carry them under your heart and after. There is no other for me Clarke and when I move on to the next life, I will search for you for one life is not enough."

Time passed and Lexa soon learned that all women in labor were the same, no matter their origin. Clarke lay in their bed preparing to give birth, the best midwife in Polis assisted Abby with whatever she needed but Lexa stood outside the room as Clarke had told her to get out. The pain of birth had caused her anger to rise, arguably more so than Lexa was used to and Clarke had told her to get away because she was the cause of the blond's pain. Abby reassured her while guiding her out that it was normal and that Clarke didn't actually mean it, the midwife confirmed it as well when she'd gone to get more water.

"I want Lexa!" The yell was loud between the groans and screams Clarke emitted and Lexa immediately made her way into the room and over to Clarke.

"I am here ai kwin." Lexa took Clarke's hand, amazed that despite her sweat-soaked hair and exhaustion she was as beautiful as the day she'd walked into Lexa's tent. "I am here so continue to birth our child."

"We need one more good push Clarke." Abby looked at her daughter from between her legs. "One more and the baby will be here."

A groan and small scream was followed by the beautiful sound of a baby's cry. Lexa looked from Clarke to Abby as the doctor held up a wiggling newborn. She placed it on Clarke's chest and the blond immediately pressed her hand to the baby's back.

"Hey there baby." Lexa watched in awe as Clarke kissed their child's head, looking down as if the world finally seemed to right itself.

"You have a beautiful and healthy son."

Lexa touched the baby's tiny hand and met Clarke's eyes as the blond whispered, "we have a son."

"Jake." Lexa spoke softly and gazed at the baby as he opened his mouth several times against Clarke's chest. "It appears he is eager for his first meal."

Abby looked at the two, "we need to get you cleaned up before you nurse him."

As Abby and the midwife worked on cleaning the area after Clarke had been cleaned and was nursing her son, Lexa kissed her wife's head as they gazed at their baby. Clarke looked up at Lexa and smiled soberly. "I wish his sister was here."

"She was too soft for this world like her brother, too gentle and I know she will be safe with him." Lexa touched her son's hand, "he is here and we must focus on him, help him grow stronger than he is now. We will tell him of his siblings Clarke, of the sister who stayed with him until she could no longer fight the will of the gods and his brother."

"He has your eyes." Clarke smiled at her and touched their son's tiny face. "Beautiful green eyes that are like the forest."

"He has your hair, the color of the stars." Lexa watched their son detach from Clarke and close his eyes to sleep. "He is of the forest and the stars, Trikru and Skaikru."

Pulling her shirt up Clarke took their son's tiny hand in her own. "Looking at him, all the pain was worth it. I wish we hadn't lost our children but Jake reminds me that nothing good comes without a fight."

"He will grow strong and during peace, something none of my people have ever known." Lexa gently took their son from Clarke, smiling at the tiny protests coming from the infant. "I am here my son, you will always be protected as long as my spirit remains in this body."

Clarke smiled as Lexa spoke to their son, knowing the struggle to have a child had been worth it. The way the brunette spoke softly, light and happiness in her eyes where it was only marginally there before. They'd lost four children but their son had been strong, willing his way into the world and would be better in ways then she or Lexa ever could be. "I think he likes you."

Lexa looked at her with a smile, "I am his Nomon, of course he likes me." She looked back at the baby, "your mother believes you did not like me before this moment but she does not know you fought me from within her. She does not know of our talks in dawn hours while she slept to gain her strength."

A/N: Okay so I'll admit I cried writing this but I thought it would be too easy for them to just have a kid after everything they went through. I'm kind of sorry but not at the same time.

Next: Five years in the future where Little Jake meets his new best friend and a surprise for you all.

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