Cordelia felt shame rise in her heart, after listening to Chrom's speech. 'Those who are too caught up in vengeance'. That was her. In Breakneck Pass, that was her. She just wanted to avenge her fallen knight-sisters, uphold their legacy... She just wanted to prove to them that she wasn't useless! But look where that got her – she could have messed up everything. If the Shepherds weren't as strong as they were, everything could have gone wrong. All because she couldn't deliver a message, all because she couldn't obey orders. All because she was too caught up in her own problems to give a damn about anybody else's. Because that was supposed to be a good way to preserve the memory of her dead comrades. Cordelia shook her head. She would have to change, fast. Otherwise... Otherwise she'd still be a failure. And she couldn't allow that. She would be the perfect pegasus knight. It would be hard, but she would have to do it. It would be her penance, in a way. Working tirelessly to become the model of courage that the others had given their life for. It would be the price she paid.
"Cordelia." It was the night after the battle for Breakneck Pass, and Sumia was worried about her friend.
"Sumia?"
"The others are talking about you. About what you did."
"I would expect no less. I fouled up. I could have caused somebody's death."
"But... Why did you do it?"
"I wanted vengeance. I wanted to kill the monsters who had murdered my squad. I was angry and bitter, both at the Plegians and myself."
"At yourself? But why?" Cordelia stopped for a moment, to take a deep breath.
"Because I wasn't told to flee. I just did so. Abandoning all the ideals I had tried to live up to, I deserted the pegasus knights when they needed me the most. In their darkest hour, I wasn't there. I told myself it was to head to Breakneck Pass, but... It wasn't. Not at first."
"But you got to Breakneck Pass in the end!"
"Not fast enough. The first wave of wyverns had already attacked you, and killed..." Cordelia felt her throat drying. "They killed Miriel and Stahl. If I was there... If I was there this wouldn't have happened!"
"You tried your hardest!"
"No. No I didn't, and by doing so two Shepherds were killed. Two lives were lost due to my cowardice. My comrades' sacrifice was for nothing. I failed them, Sumia. I let them die. Sure, they weren't kind to me, but they were still people!"
"They... weren't kind to you?"
"They called me 'Little Lady Genius'. Because they thought I was trying to be perfect. Thought I was trying to out-perform them."
"But that's-"
"I know. But they were still people. They still..." Cordelia felt tears flooding her face, "...still tried... to do what... what was right. And I failed them, damn it! I failed them!" Cordelia collapsed in a ball, water leaking from her eyes. "I failed them all! I let them die. I let them die. I let them die." Cordelia looked up at Sumia, with forlorn eyes. "How do I continue now? What do I do?"
"It is only when you have fallen to your lowest, that you can finally soar. That's something Captain Phila told me once."
"But... What if I can't soar? What if I'm destined to remain grounded?"
"Then you wouldn't have become a pegasus knight. Trust me, Cordelia. You can fly. You'll be alright."
"Thank... Thank you, Sumia. I'll try."
"Cordelia. Robin wishes to see you now." It was one day after Breakneck Pass, and from the look on Lissa's face, Cordelia knew she would be in trouble. Gulping slightly, she entered the main strategy tent, coming face to face with the Ylissean tactician.
"Cordelia. Sit down. We have a lot to discuss." Not daring to show her nerves, Cordelia made a seat, looking directly at Robin. "You disobeyed my instructions, seeming to pay them no heed. You rushed directly ahead, into enemy fire, when they weren't distracted. Enemies that could have killed you with one shot. Not only that, but you were needed elsewhere, and, in different circumstances, that could have caused the death of one of the Shepherds. Have you anything to say about this?"
"...They deserved it. The Plegians had to pay."
"Look, I know you're upset at what happened to your squad, and it's natural to feel that way. But you have to contain your anger. Otherwise, you're no better than the monsters we're fighting against. Do you understand?"
"But you weren't there! You didn't see their deaths in your mind! You didn't have to deal with the guilt of leaving your squad!"
"Relax, Cordelia. There is a time for anger. But not on the battlefield. That is the time for rational thought. You could have been killed, and then what? Would that have helped you achieve anything? No."
"But I-"
"That's enough."
"You weren't-"
"I said that's enough. I don't want you in our next fight. Give yourself time to calm down. Give yourself time to think things over. Your actions today have proven that you are in no fit state to fight. Do not worry. We will avenge their deaths. In time, you will avenge their deaths. But for now, you need rest."
"I-"
"Enough!" Cordelia knew her protestations were pointless. Gloomily, she left the tent. What had she done? She was meant to be trying to become a paragon of knightly virtues! And already she had gotten into an argument! Robin was right. She had to contain her anger. Or she wouldn't ever be allowed to fight. She wouldn't ever be allowed to help Ylisse. And she couldn't have that.
"Cordelia? What did Robin want? I heard shouting, but..." It took Sumia no more than five minutes before rushing to her friend's side.
"He... He doesn't want me in our next battle."
"How come?"
"Because... I need to contain my anger. He's right. I'm a risk. A stupid fool who can't control herself."
"Don't speak like that! You have a right to be upset – those wyvern riders wiped out your squad! I'll speak to Robin for you."
"No. Please, Sumia. I know you mean well, but I think he's right."
"Well, if you're sure..." Cordelia nodded. "Ooh, I know. You might not be able to fight in the next battle, but you can still help! I've got scouting duty, and there's nothing saying I can't have help in that regard."
"You'd trust me? After what I did?"
"Sure! You're my friend, Cordelia. I know you'd put others before yourself. It's just in your nature."
"Alright. When are we going scouting?"
"In a couple of hours – we need to make sure there are no Plegians roaming around. Make sure those wyverns aren't too close."
"Thank you, Sumia. Thank you."
"Ready?" Cordelia nodded, glad to be able to do something. Saddling her pegasus, her lance in hand, she set off, feeling the wind brush past her. Taking a deep breath, glad to inhale fresh air, she flew west, back towards Breakneck Pass, where the enemy were most likely to be. When she reached the place, she almost recoiled at the vile stench of putrid gore. But she was getting used to those smells now, and she realized, with a hint of sadness, that soon those smells would have no impact on her. Was losing her innocence really the price she wanted to pay for not being weak anymore? Did she really want to abandon all naivety in order to protect her friends and fellow Ylisseans? Yes. Remembering the pain she felt, she knew that being unable to act like a child was not too heavy a price.
"Cordelia? Are you alright?" Cordelia just smiled at Sumia. She was alright. She was going to be fine, especially now that she had something to do. Scouting. That was good. That would help save lives. Help protect the Shepherds. Speeding up, she directed her pegasus to follow the winding path of Breakneck Pass, lance ready for combat.
"Sumia – there!" Cordelia pointed to a group of wyvern riders, who seemed to be heading towards them. Sumia nodded, preparing her own weapon for battle. Dashing forwards, she struck, quickly killing one of the Plegians. Dodging a thrown hand-axe, she replied with her own javelin, though it failed to make much of an impact. Flying higher into the clouds, using them as a cover, she hurtled downwards, her lance cutting clean through another wyvern rider's head. Flying forwards, she quickly swerved to the side, to avoid the path of an oncoming Plegian, before striking at his unprotected back, her weapon finding its' way into the man's heart. Looking ahead, Cordelia could see only two more wyvern riders remaining and smiled. Moving to engage them, she dived under one, quickly wheeling herself behind the confused rider. Ending the Plegian, she turned, readying herself to fight the last one. Waiting for the wyvern to charge at her, she blocked the soldier's strike, though not without great effort, eventually managing to pull back, making the rider lurch forwards, into a defenceless position. Cordelia didn't hesitate in throwing a javelin straight at the man's face.
"Cordelia, we should probably go back now. What if the others become worried?" But Cordelia shook her head.
"No, Sumia. What if there are more around? We have to make sure we can't be followed."
"What do you mean?" Robin was not in a happy mood. This was the second time Cordelia had subverted him. Had gone against his word. So he might not have specified that he wanted her out of action, he had hoped that she realized he thought of her as too emotionally unstable at the moment. He had hoped she wouldn't have gone off scouting at the first opportunity. And Sumia should have known better than to offer – just because she was close to Chrom didn't mean that she could go around, interfering in Robin's carefully laid strategies! Did none of them understand that he had to manage lives? Robin sighed. Maybe he was over thinking things. Maybe it would all be alright. But even if both Sumia and Cordelia came back safely, the fact still remained – his orders had been ignored, and that was a problem. He desperately did not want to see either Sumia or Cordelia as corpses, but how could he stop that from happening if they were so willing to do stupid things? Once again, Robin sighed, paying no attention to the person delivering the bad news.
"Robin? Are you alright?"
"Lissa, can you tell me something? Are my orders hard to understand? Do I speak really quickly?"
"No. We can understand you."
"Then why is Cordelia going off on a scouting mission, when she is not fit for combat? Does she think that her emotions make her weak? Because everybody is entitled to be ruled by their feelings occasionally. Everybody has thoughts, and sometimes they affect our combat ability. Does she not realize that we're not judging her because of that? Does she not understand that she is not useless, just because sometimes she has to take a break from combat? Or is she really that angry against the Plegians? Does she really want them dead that much? Is that what the problem is? Or am I being the tyrant here? Should I send her into combat, when she is foolhardy and reckless – likely to get herself killed? Is that what she wants? Does she want to die?" Robin took a deep breath, his voice feeling the strain from his outburst. "Does she really want to die against the Plegians?"
"Robin?"
"Ignore me, Lissa. I'm just... disappointed. It's not your fault. When Cordelia comes back, tell her I want to speak with her. Make sure she knows it's urgent."
Cordelia flew further west, ignoring Sumia's protestations. Though she tried to convince Sumia that it was a matter of the Shepherd's safety, she knew Sumia could see through her lies. In truth, the main reason Cordelia wanted to stay out scouting was to avoid the Shepherds – Robin in particular. Though he hadn't told her specifically not to go scouting, it was clear he thought rest was the best place for her. And, though she knew he was right, she hated feeling useless. And, more than that, she feared what he would say upon her return. She was sure to be heavily berated for defying him, and, for potentially placing Sumia in danger. It was obvious that Robin feared she would do something reckless, and place her comrades in danger. And Cordelia had to admit he was probably right. She wasn't exactly feeling composed. But she didn't care. Though it was wrong, she just wanted to stay away from the Shepherds. In addition, she was still harbouring some anger against the Plegians. Wouldn't it be wise to let it out now, rather then in any major fights, or, indeed, against any of her fellow Ylisseans? Wasn't this the smartest choice? 'No, you stupid fool, the smartest choice would be to let go of your anger – the Plegians who had killed your knight-sisters are dead now. Let the past be, and don't disturb it.' That's what the rational part of her body said. But Cordelia wouldn't be ruled by rational thought. At the moment, she was a creature of instinct, and her instinct was to hunt down the wyverns that were undoubtedly nearby. Hunt them down and kill them. All of them. More anger burning through her body, she flew in search of them.
"Are you sure about this, Cordelia? It just doesn't seem... right."
"I know, Sumia. But I have to do this. Maybe then... my fellow pegasus knights will finally be avenged." Cordelia paused for a moment. "You should probably return back. I don't want to drag you into any more trouble. You'll probably catch hell from Robin just for this."
"I'd rather Robin mad at me then you dead. I'm not leaving. Not until you are."
"Thank you." Cordelia smiled, her rage subsiding for a moment. "Now come on, we have scouting to do." Gripping the reins tightly, Cordelia flew west, scanning for any threats. It wasn't long before she came across another group of Plegians. Aiming her spear, she threw it, though it failed to hit its' mark.
"That's the little pegasus knight runaway, isn't it? Well, boys, what are we waiting for? Let's see if she screams louder than the others!" Cordelia glared at the wyvern riders with nothing but pure hatred. How dare they say something like that! They truly had no respect for human life, did they? Anger gripping her heart, and filling her mouth, she prepared to speak.
"You may think I'm nothing more than a runaway. But I've time to contemplate what I've done. What I've seen. And I've had time to forge my despair. Make it my weapon. Make it the instrument of your utter destruction."
"Big talk from a coward who couldn't even save their squad mates. But if you think you are truly ready, then who am I to refuse another kill?" Cordelia didn't respond to the wyvern commander, opting instead to attack, quickly flying into the crowd of riders. Killing two of them in the blink of an eye, she pulled backwards, letting the rest of them come to her. With barely-controlled restraint, she threw a spear into another enemy's eye, letting him tumble to the ground below. As another Plegian approached her, she charged forwards, her lance quickly finding its' way through the man's stomach. An axe hurtled towards her, and she ducked in her saddle to avoid it. Another one flying towards her, she tried ducking again, but this axe was aimed lower, and it hit her chest, causing her cry out. Snarling angrily, tears of pain in her eyes, she quickly skewered the offending enemy. A shout sounded from behind her, and she turned, just in time to dodge a heavy axe strike. Avoiding the next blow, she retaliated, vanquishing the wyvern rider.
"Cordelia, there are reinforcements! We have to pull back now. We can't win this battle."
"You should listen to your friend, little runaway. Or you might meet the safe fate as your fallen friends."
"No! Sumia, you can retreat if you wish, but I'm through with running. It... Last time I retreated..." Cordelia faced the host of reinforcements that came from the north, preparing herself for what would be a bloody battle.
"If you're staying then I will. I'm not letting you die. Not if I can help it."
"Sumia, please. Flee. I don't want you to die because of me. You're my... my only remaining friend."
"And that's why I refuse to leave. I'm sorry, Cordelia."
"Alright. Thank you." Smiling, Cordelia waited for the first wyvern to move towards her, before dodging his attack, replying with her own fatal lance strike. Piercing through another's flesh, she then flew back, allowing the next enemy to approach. As he flew forwards, she dived to the side, before launching a spear into his chest. Two more wyverns appeared to the left of her, and she spun around, though not quick enough to avoid a hand axe from cutting into the armour on her arm. Despite the fact that it didn't stick into her, it still made a small cut, enough to make her snarl in pain. Another axe hurtled towards her, this one hitting her leg, once again grazing her flesh. Charging at the wyvern rider who had hit her, Cordelia quickly killed him, before injuring the other with a speedy javelin to the arm. Stabbing into the man's stomach, she ripped her weapon free, before flying back east, retreating slightly. As three Plegians advanced, Cordelia aimed her spear, catching one in the throat. Stabbing the leftmost wyvern rider, she turned to look at the rightmost Plegian. Her eyes burning with hate, she moved to engage him, but in her haste failed to dodge a heavy axe strike, that winded her, leaving her panting for breath. Barely managing to avoid a potentially-fatal second blow, she pulled backwards, now aware she may have to retreat. Regaining some air in her lungs, she motioned to Sumia to fall back, and pushed her pegasus towards the other side of Breakneck Pass, though she made sure the enemy was following her. Waiting for the Plegians to reach her, she quickly stabbed forwards, catching one of the wyverns in the heart. As another moved forwards, she wheeled downwards, striking the rider in the back.
"So, the little runaway finally finds some courage, does she? Well, it doesn't matter – soon you're going to regret not living up to your name!" The wyvern captain charged at her, a vicious axe in his hands. Nearly caught off-guard by his speed, Cordelia barely managed to dodge his first strike. But she was completely unprepared for him to follow up so quickly, and the force of the attack nearly knocked her off her pegasus. Knowing that she had to keep away from the Plegian, Cordelia baited him by throwing a spear, knowing it wouldn't really do much damage, but would irritate the captain. As she suspected, the Plegian snarled angrily, swinging his axe around several times, though he failed to hit Cordelia. Taking a deep breath, she avoided another barrage of assaults, before quickly lunging in, then pulling back out again. Though her attack didn't do much, it managed to anger the wyvern rider even more, causing him to scream curses at the top of his lungs. Rage blazing in his eyes, he flew straight towards Cordelia, though only one of his strikes hit. But it was enough to force Cordelia backwards, and make her scream in pain. Biting back tears of anguish, she flew away from her opponent, although not without hurling another spear. Turning sharply, she made sure her enemy was following her. When she was sure he was, she stopped, before swerving to her left. Managing to work in a quick attack, into the wyvern rider's unprotected side, she then flew off, avoiding the Plegian's fury. Launching herself from behind him, she thrust her spear into the back of his neck, ending his rage. Taking a deep breath, Cordelia felt herself being overcome with a wave of exhaustion. She knew she'd have to head back to camp.
"Come on, Sumia. We need to return. We've been out long enough."