Chapter 5: The Lost Borders

"Cordelia. Ricken. I need a word with you both." They both looked at Robin, who had a serious expression on his face. It had been a hard journey to Plegia, especially after Chrom's revelation, and they were worried that this had flared Robin's temper. "As you know, I have had my doubts about you fighting in this battle. And as I do not want your anger overwhelming you, I am afraid I have to ask you to not fight." There was a brief period of silence. "However, I do not want you idle. Nor do I want you stuck at Ylisse, with nothing to do. There have been issues in Regna Ferox. I want you to investigate. We will be leaving in three days. I want you gone by then." He cast his gaze at them, before turning, leaving without another word. In fact there was nothing else spoken then, as after a few minutes of the silence, Cordelia moved as well, heading back towards her tent, her expression trying desperately to mask the expected disappointment on her face. She wasn't sure what worried her more. Missing the chance to wreak revenge on the Plegians, or having to travel with a companion who hated her. Looking around for anything that she would need to pack, she took a few breaths. Though she didn't want to do what Robin said, she recognised that it would be needed, and that it would be most probably beneficial for her. Picking up her bag of supplies, which contained vulneraries and a few extra spearheads and shafts, she emerged back into the outside. What did she do now? She couldn't leave without Ricken. Closing her eyes, she took a mouthful of air. It was an unavoidable complication that she would have to deal with. She just prayed that they could reconcile their differences, but she was worried that would be impossible with what had happened. Taking a step forwards, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, even though she did not have any battle ahead of her.

Cordelia found Ricken wandering around the camp, as if he were some kind of lost sheep that had been accidentally let out of the gate. He looked at her with what seemed not to be hatred or fear, but something else. It was definitely not him indicating he was pleased to see her however.
"What do you want? We're going to have to travel together soon enough. You'll have enough of me by then." He broke eye contact with her, hiding his face away, as if her gaze was poison.
"I wanted to know when you wanted to leave." Her tone was level - not welcoming, but not venom either. "It will be a long journey."
"Do you think I don't know that? I'm not a child, you know."
"I wasn't implying that."
"Then what were you implying?"
"Nothing." She had to fight to control her anger. "I just wanted to see if you think we should wait one more day, or if we should leave now."
"Now? Why leave now? Robin doesn't want us gone for a few days. Unless you're trying to sneak into combat by getting there quickly." She reacted with a little surprise at that. Whilst it was true thoughts like that had circulated her head when Robin had told her his decree, she knew that those sorts of ideas would be what kicked her out of the Shepherds. Besides, it was ridiculous to believe that she could reach Regna Ferox, investigate the sources of trouble, and manage to come back to Plegia all in a short space of time, especially as she would not be able to use her pegasus.
"That would be impossible, even if we left right away, and moved as quickly as possible. I just wanted to go, as there's no point in staying."
"Maybe for you. But there's still a point for me. I still have to..." Ricken stopped, swallowing his words. "Me and Maribelle. We're mourning." He gave her a glare, indicating that he still held her responsible for what happened. She couldn't reply to what he had said, instead nodding, trying to show her understanding. As she heard him mutter something, she knew that she had failed.
"I'm sorry." The words were inaudible, but they had been said, nonetheless. She just hoped that she could raise her voice one day.

That night, Cordelia went to go and learn more about being an apothecary from Ricken, but when she reached his tent, she found him talking to Lissa. Not really wanting to eavesdrop, especially not after the first few words that she heard turned out to be complaints about her, she withdrew, waiting until she saw Lissa exit. By this time it was becoming late, and she felt a wave of fatigue consume her. How long had it been since she'd had a peaceful sleep? She doubted she'd had one since Breakneck Pass. But Robin had given her a task, and she wasn't going to succumb to her weaknesses by fleeing to her bed. Clearing her throat, she spoke.
"Ricken?"
"Oh, you. How long have you been here?"
"I didn't hear most of what you were saying. I didn't want to." She chose her tone carefully to try and make her point that she was disappointed he would talk about her like that. He seemed to either not notice or not care about what she was implying.
"Well, it's too late for our lessons. I'm sorry, but I think it would be best if we both retired for the night. Especially if we have journeys ahead of us." She nodded, not giving away what she thought.
"Goodnight, Ricken." He hesitated but answered back.
"Goodnight, Cordelia." She smiled secretly at that. At least he was talking to her, and she was talking to him. It wasn't much of a step, but it was a step nonetheless. And she was glad that it was Ricken who decided not to move forwards with the lessons. It was selfish of her, but she desperately wanted to stay on Robin's good side as much as possible from now on. Moving towards her tent, she let out a long yawn, rubbing her eyes. Ricken was right. She would need to be rested for the long travels ahead of her. Collapsing onto the ground, she sighed as she closed her eyes, hoping that sleep would come to her without any kind of nightmares or disturbances.

The next day, Cordelia woke, possibly less rested than she had been the night before. Once again, her brain antagonised her with dreams of what had happened at Breakneck Pass, and once again, she had responded by tossing and turning, unable to fall to the clutches of sleep. Part of her wanted to ask somebody to make her a sleeping potion, but she wasn't sure if that was possible, or if anyone would do that for her. She supposed she could try to win Ricken over, but she didn't know how long he would hate her for. Not that he didn't have a reason to. Sighing as she tried to cut out those thoughts from her mind, she left her tent, moving through the camp, possibly in search of someone subconsciously. Her tired, sore eyes darted around, though they lacked the will to focus hard. Managing to not stumble over the sands beneath her, she stretched a little. Did she go to visit her pegasus who was currently being looked after by Sumia? It's not like she would she would see her steed until she returned from her mission, as Ricken wouldn't be able to ride it. But did she want to see Sumia? She took a deep breath, moving towards the small, hastily-constructed wooden building where the pegasi and horses were kept. Though she didn't want to worry her friend, it was far too late for that. Better to tell Sumia where she was going than to disappear, and leave Robin to do the explaining. Looking around for where her fellow pegasus knight was, she waved as soon as she found her target. This gesture went unnoticed, and she couldn't help but smile as she called out, her voice managing to alert Sumia.
"Oh! Cordelia. Your pegasus is fine, if you're wondering."
"Thanks. But I'm sure you know that's not why I came here."
"Is this to do with something Robin's said to you?"
"Partially. He wants me to do some errands in Regna Ferox. With Ricken."
"So I guess you won't be needing your pegasus." She gave a small smile. "When will you be back?"
"It could be days. Or weeks. I'm kind of scared, Sumia." Cordelia hadn't admitted this, not even to herself, but it was true. She was scared. Of what she might end up doing if pushed, especially if she thought she wouldn't be judged for her actions. She had nearly abandoned the Shepherds once, and had abandoned her comrades, because she hadn't had to deal with others' eyes on her. What would she do if the situation came again? "I'm scared about not being able to control myself. I didn't control myself when we went scouting, and I nearly got us both killed."
"No. That was my fault."
"Don't say that!" She winced slightly as Sumia recoiled at the loudness of her words. "I'm sorry for my outburst but you can't blame everything on yourself."
"Then you should heed your own advice." There was silence, as Cordelia refused to reply to that comment. "Just be safe out there. And if Ricken says anything to you, ignore it. He's young and needs some way to release his anger."
"I know." The red-headed woman's words were barely audible. "I know."

Cordelia felt one simple tear flow down her face as she left Sumia and the pegasi. Why had she even gone there in the first place? To inform. Maybe what Robin wanted from her was the best course of action. After all, it meant that nobody could hurt her. She'd be able to take whatever abuse Ricken hurled at her, if he did even fling words at her. Her eyes flicked up to the sky, and not for the first time, she wished she was flying, soaring through the air, a breeze blowing lightly in her face. Shaking her head, she tried to wean herself off her pity. It would do her no good. Heading to her tent, she wondered what she would do now. There wasn't really anyone else she wanted to speak to. She could have words with Robin, but he was likely conversing with Chrom, and the thought of speaking to the prince made her feel funny inside. A hot flush came to her cheeks as she found his image crept into her mind, and she quickly exorcised herself. No good to dream about fantasies of any kind. She'd learned that. Chrom would be forever forbidden to her, and as such she wanted not to have to go near him. Retiring to her dwelling, she hummed a little tune to distract herself. Though she didn't know when Ricken would be ready to leave, it was likely he would want a few more days if he was mourning. And it wouldn't be right to stop him from doing that. She'd taken friends from him. She wasn't going to take his right to grieve as well. Grieving. She wondered if she was going to grieve at all. It felt like something she would have to do. A memorial to remember those lost to the Plegians. Would that help her with her anger? She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. It was possilbe. If that was the key to stopping herself from losing control, then it would have to be done. She'd speak to Robin when she returned about it.

Ricken smiled at Maribelle, thanking her for her time. She'd been talking to him, acting as a sort of councillor, he supposed, to help him cope with the loss of his mentor, Miriel. As he watched her leave, he stretched, getting ready for the night's work. This time he would continue his lessons with Cordelia as long as it wasn't too late. Maribelle had been explaining to him how he needed to try and cope with the pegasus knight, and he knew himself he shouldn't blame her. But it was easier than blaming the real source of the problems. Looking outside of his tent to check the time, he saw that it was starting to become night. Soon, he'd have to speak with Cordelia. He swallowed nerves that came about from worrying that he'd make some kind of error, and wind up on the pegasus knight's bad side. He doubted he could afford that. Getting everything he would prepared – arranging his herbs into a less disorganised mess and separating the equipment from each other, he thought about the offer Cordelia had made him before. About helping him with his organisation. Certainly it was an option. But did he really want to admit defeat? No. He didn't need her help. He was to teach her. How could he do that when she was assisting him? Carefully arranging everything as fast as he could, he made sure not to accidentally break or damage anything. He didn't need Cordelia's help. As he was independently storing books on his shelf, he heard a noise from outside. It was her. There was no doubt about that.
"Come in." He wanted some more time to get everything ready, but that wasn't an option now. "Sorry about the mess." There wasn't too much of it now, but his station still looked like it could do with a good dust over. As well as this, there were a few broken shards of glass hastily swept up into corners near the shelf, upon which both books and webs sat.
"It's fine." He could see that she was trying very hard not to offer her assistance.
"Well, shall we continue from where we left off? I'll just test you to see if you can remember your various herbs." Her expression scared him a little, as if she was offended that he thought she couldn't, but it disappeared as soon as it came and he was left wondering if he had hallucinated it. "Do you know what this is?" He picked out a long thin root that coiled slightly.
"Loreroot. It has medicinal properties." Ricken slightly smiled at her as he nodded his head. They continued like this for just under half an hour, before he stopped them.
"You can definitely recall your ingredients. That's good. Let me show you what I've been making." He had a little salve that had a green liquid sitting in it. "It's something Miriel used to make. A salve that relaxes pain, especially muscular strain. I don't think I can make it as well, however, but..." He stopped. "I can try to do as well as she did. Would you like to try one?" She nodding, thanking him as he passed her the potion. "Use it when you're in pain."
"I will. Thank you, Ricken." Cordelia's voice was a littler quieter than usual, and she had a hint of sadness in her eyes that the mage didn't pick up on. In fact, the guilt that she felt from Ricken's earlier comment meant that twenty minutes later, she announced that she was too tired to continue, so that she could hide in her tent again. He nodded at her, although she doubted that he had realised that she was upset. Leaving, she chuckled sadly to herself.

The next day, Cordelia was roused by a voice whispering to her outside of her tent. She blinked a few times, rubbing her eyes as she looked around, slightly surprised and startled. As she started to drift off back into sleep, the sound became louder, disturbing her and forcing her to take notice of it. She let out a yawn, before stretching. Replying that she was coming, she changed into combat armour, her lance in hand. As she left her tent, she found that Lissa was the one who called to her, looking as happy as ever, as if the weight of the terrors of war were not pressing down on her. Smiling at the young princess, she raised an inquiring eyebrow so that Lissa would tell her why she was needed.
"Ricken. He wants to see you."
"Do you know what for?" Lissa just smiled at her, and she sighed. "Are you going to tell me?"
"It's about leaving. He's thinking about setting off soon. But of course he needs you to agree to this."
"Well, I wanted to leave a few days ago. Almost as soon as Robin told me what he wanted. I'll go straight away. Where is he?"
"In his tent. I think he's packing." She nodded at Lissa, quickening her pace towards where Ricken would be. This was it. It was finally time for her to head off, and complete what she had to do. Though part of her was nervous, especially at the thought of having only Ricken to control her, and nobody else to stop her snapping at him, she forced her fears to dissipate, focusing her mind to the future.

Once Cordelia had reached Ricken, she greeted him with a smile, trying not to show that she was a little apprehensive of the future. Not wanting to speak first, she waited for him to clear his throat.
"So Lissa told you what I wanted?" She nodded. "I guess you're happy about that. Are you ready? I need only about half an hour more." She swallowed, her throat suddenly overcome with a horrible constriction, which made her want to flee, and to hide.
"I don't need much."
"That's good. Well, I'll meet you back here in a few hours then." He smiled tentatively, and she nodded again, turning to flee his company. She cursed herself inside. How stupid had she looked? But did it matter? She laughed to herself. What a mess she was. Ricken was trying to build bridges, and she was more interested in fleeing than in helping him. But she supposed that was all she was good for. Running. All of a sudden, as if all the life within her and willingness to continue had disappeared into the air, she collapsed on the ground, tears falling down her face, hitting the floor as lightly as feathers. She remained crippled, broken on the ground for minutes, perhaps nearing an hour before she could finally gather the courage to force herself to stand up again, wiping the last of her tears from her red eyes.

Cordelia made sure she had everything that she needed - mainly what supplies she had brought with her to Plegia. Though it wasn't much, she trusted that if her stock was running out, she would be able to trade at nearby villages, in exchange for favours. There was nothing else she could have taken with her, as she didn't have much space - she usually kept spare supplies in her pegasus' saddlebags. A big, heavy bag on her back, and a small satchel around her waist, she set off, heading for where she knew Ricken would be. It didn't take her long to find the young mage. He too was ready, and upon seeing her, he managed a tentative smile. She didn't reveal to him her meltdown, instead just returning his gesture, a silent scared voice quiet inside.
"Well then. I guess we should be off." Cordelia nodded, faking a smile.