Chapter 3
Beth Childs was alive.
Alison couldn't believe it. It didn't make sense. Beth showed-up behind Alison and reentered her life. The two of them had ducked behind the trees, hiding from view. Alison was glad to be away from inquisitive eyes. Leaves above cast mismatched shadows across Beth's face. Both of them stood, neither wishing to speak. Beth leaned her back against a large aspen while Alison had a compact out and was fixing the smeared mascara on her face.
Alison finally spoke in a hushed tone. "So, where have you been?" Alison said, failing to mask the hurt in her voice.
"I can't say," Beth said, "I want to tell you, but I can't."
"Can't tell me? I thought you could tell me anything, Beth."
Beth looked up into the canopy of leaves above. "Alison," Beth said, "it's been torture on me to be away from you, but I'm not allowed to say anything."
"Not allowed?" Alison said, incredulous, "Are you some secret agent or-"
Beth looked into Alison's eyes.
"You are," Alison said knowingly, "you are some super-secret detective."
"Alison-" Beth said.
Alison wouldn't let her speak. She put away her compact and began pacing. It seemed so simple, but it rang true. "It makes perfect sense. I'm living an episode of 'The Blacklist' or something. It's the clone thing, you're running some operation-thing against the program."
Beth looked to the ground, silent.
"And they needed you to fake your death." Alison said, putting pieces together, "Have you been watching us from afar this whole time? Oh, God, do you know about Leekie?"
"Who?" Beth said.
Alison brushed past the question. "Nobody, old hairdresser," She dismissed, "you can't get past me Beth, I've watched too many get-the-bad-guy shows to know a secret agent when I see one."
Beth was just as Alison remembered. She stood with the same all-knowing stance, her fingers slipped into her back pockets. She was trying to be serious, but Alison could tell she was amused by the entire charade.
"Alison, I need you to calm down." Beth said.
"Oh, right," Alison realized, "I'm going to blow your cover. I got it, play cool, and be calm." Alison accented her last words by pushing at the air in front of her.
Beth smiled. "I forgot how cute you are when you get excited."
Alison stopped. She had been too distracted with understanding how Beth was standing right in front of her, that she hadn't taken in the gravity of the situation. Beth Childs was alive. She was right in front of Alison. All of the bargaining, the pleading in her mind. All of Alison's late night desires and dreams. All of Alison's emotions of the last half-decade were personified mere feet away. "I never forgot how cute you were," Alison said, "that's the problem. I could never seem to forget you." Alison laughed a kind-of sympathetic pity-laugh. She avoided eye contact with Beth, trying to stay composed.
Beth stepped forward and took Alison's hand in hers. Alison looked in her eyes. "Why'd you come back?" Alison asked, "Why are you here?"
Beth rubbed her thumb over the top of Alison's hand in circular motions. Alison allowed herself to squeeze on Beth's fingers to check that they were real. Beth leaned in and kissed Alison on the cheek. "You." Beth said, "Cosima. The wedding. I needed to be here, I needed to fix some things I left open."
Alison pulled her hand away. "So you're not staying." She accused.
"I'm here now," Beth said, "and we'll figure out the future when it happens." It was all she gave to Alison. It was all Alison needed to hear.
Alison hugged Beth. She didn't give a warning, she wasn't proper or polite, she burst forward and grabbed Beth in a tight embrace. The hug said 'I love you' even if Alison was too stubborn to say the words outright. She held Beth tight, fearing that to let her go would be to lose her again. A realization finally released her grip.
"Cosima!" Alison said. "She isn't going to believe any of this!"
Beth backed away from the hug. "She can't know." Beth said. "Alison, you have to promise me this stays a secret. I can't let her know I'm here. I don't want to steal the thunder from her wedding. I can't do that, and I can't face all the questions that I can't answer."
Alison was conflicted knowing Cosima would never know Beth was there, but exhilarated with the idea that Beth was hers, and hers alone.
"A secret," Alison said, half convincing herself. "ok. I can do this."
"Are you sure?" Beth asked.
"Yeah, yeah," Alison continued, "I once played Anita in West Side Story."
"I have no idea what that means." Beth said.
"She kept a secret," Alison said, "Well…sort of."
"Sort of?"
"There may have been horribly planned misdirection that resulted in Tony's death," Alison said, "but I'm definitely better at secrets than that horrible trollop Anita."
Beth laughed and leaned in, kissing Alison. Alison raised her hand to her lips, silent. She had not felt those lips in five years and immediately it all came back to her. Everything they experienced, everything they had. She slammed Beth against the aspen and kissed her. She kissed her passionately, hands on Beth's waist. Beth slid her hand up the back of Alison's sweater. Their kisses were a multitude, all wrapped in the same perfect kiss. The two of them held one another, ignoring the passage of time.
"I missed you." Alison said as she finally released her.
Beth cocked an accusatory smile, "You're damn right, you did."
Alison rolled her eyes, and raised her hand to her chin, index finger framing her face. "I have no idea how this is going to work." She said.
"We're just going to have to be sneaky about it." Beth suggested.
Alison shook her head in small movements. "I have so much I have to do," she said, "I mean, there are activities planned the entire weekend. I can't just miss them all."
"Then we'll meet at night," Beth said, "or early in the morning. We'll meet in between your events. Surely you can sneak away for small bits of time."
Alison missed this desire, this magnetism. She smiled. "I did hit my head," she said, "I could say I was dealing with migraines."
"What?" Beth asked, "What do you mean?"
Alison lifted her headband and pulled back her bangs showing the now-bruising gash. "I pulled an Alison," She said, "it's just like me to dramatically faint at someone else's wedding."
Beth leaned forward and examined the bruise. She pulled out a soft cotton patch of cloth from her back pocket and wiped at the injury. Alison winced. She contemplate why Beth just carried around fancy handkerchiefs. She's always prepared, Alison thought, she's always one step ahead.
"This needs to be bandaged." Beth insisted.
"No." Alison said, "I will not walk around a resort like a leper. It can wait three days and then I will bandage it, if I must."
Beth blew softly on the gash, "You don't understand how wounds work, do you, 'burbs?"
Alison pushed Beth away from her. "That name is definitely one thing I didn't miss." Alison teased.
"What?" Beth questioned, " 'Burbs? You didn't miss the nickname 'burbs? Why so, 'burbs?"
Alison slapped Beth's shoulder. "That's it, off with you," Alison said, "I hear your secret agent master-lord calling."
Alison cupped her hands and loudly yelled out, "She'll be right th-" Beth cut her off by throwing a hand over her mouth, pressing her back against the tree.
"Are you crazy?" Beth asked, removing her hand.
Their faces were close, noses almost touching. "You'd be surprised how many people think I am," Alison whispered, a hint of seduction in her tone, "I mean, for all I know you are just some figment of my imagination."
"Figment this." Beth said as she kissed Alison. The words were barely audible, Beth's lips mouthing them as they touched against Alison's. When she pulled back, Alison left her eyes closes, lips pursed, unwilling to end the moment.
"A darn good figment." Alison smiled.
Beth placed a hand on Alison's waist, her other arm bracing herself against the tree. Alison pressed forward and embraced Beth, laying her head on Beth's shoulder. The two of them were silent, nothing else to say. They just stood, together. Alison didn't care if they spoke, or if they said anything, she just didn't want to let Beth go. Alison looked out of the patch of trees they were hiding in, out into the gardens. The setting sun cast an orange hue over the natural colors of the arrangements. Alison vowed to never forget this moment.
Alison broke the embrace and looked at her watch. "Shirley Temple's Ghost," She exclaimed, "I'm going to be late for dinner."
Alison started to walk, then turned, torn between her obligations and her heart. "I have to be there," she apologized, "when can I see you again?"
"You remember the pond?" Beth said.
Alison blushed; of course she remembered the pond. She nodded.
"Midnight tomorrow." Beth said.
"Midnight?" Alison pleaded, "I have to see you before that."
Beth laughed. "If you can get away before, I'll find you, but you better be at our pond tomorrow night." Beth demanded.
Our pond, Alison thought. She calls it 'our pond.'
Alison waved goodbye to Beth. Not a large wave, but the dainty small waive that consisted of cupping one's fingers to their palm softly. The kind of wave a little girl gives to her first crush. Alison spun around and hastily walked, almost skipping, back to the resort. As she approached the attached restaurant she stopped to take a breath.
"You can keep a secret." She assured herself. "Even if it's the biggest secret of your life."
Alison rolled her eyes at herself and pushed the door open.